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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Burger King Pie Guy
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Charlie-in-the-box
Shipmate
# 17954
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Posted
Kudos to the man who decided to take action regarding a demon-child and his horrible mom. Check it out:
link to Burger King pie story
Anyway special high-five to the man in this story. Even if it isn't true (who knows) it made me smile.
![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
(Edited by host to remove external content that could be found anywhere. Charlie-in-the-box, post links not great wodges of potentially copyright material, whatever its merits
Sioni Sais
Hellhost)
[ 09. August 2014, 16:50: Message edited by: Sioni Sais ]
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Charlie-in-the-box
http://rosarygirl1962.blogspot.com/
Posts: 55 | From: Island of Misfit Heretics | Registered: Jan 2014
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The Phantom Flan Flinger
Shipmate
# 8891
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Posted
I smiled when I read that story too, although it probably made the lack of parenting worse, and gave the child an even bigger sense of entitlement.
Why does giving birth seem to remove the word "no" from some women's vocabulary? And from a lot of men's too for that matter?
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http://www.faith-hope-and-confusion.com/
Posts: 1020 | From: Leicester, England | Registered: Dec 2004
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Charlie-in-the-box
Shipmate
# 17954
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Posted
I know my boys would have never tried the crap they tried on me with their dad. I appreciate people work two jobs and all that. I was in college and working part-time with my kids but I have left the drive thru when they started yelling and announced we were going home to eat. I'm not parent of the year, but I did do something if my kid was screaming and out of control.
Here's a hilarious one: again, not sure if it's real but it's great for a laugh:
Practically Viral
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
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Charlie-in-the-box
http://rosarygirl1962.blogspot.com/
Posts: 55 | From: Island of Misfit Heretics | Registered: Jan 2014
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
It's not uncommon around here to see a small child (or several) wambling along the street, apparently unsupervised......but, no, about a quarter-of-a-mile behind is the (presumed) mother, oblivious to anything the kids are up to, blathering away on her bloody mobile phone......
......Absentee Parenting makes me...... ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
Ian J.
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
This is presumably a different constituency from those who moan children are never allowed the freedom to playout, being permenantly tethered to the parent or always contactable by mobile phone ?
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
When did seeing someone else's child acting like a child, even a badly behaved one, become an excuse for an adult being childish?
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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Anglican_Brat
Shipmate
# 12349
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Posted
Whenever I encounter an annoying child, I frown, and then pray a silent prayer of thanksgiving to God Almighty, that he or she is not my kid.
Engaging with the child or the parents isn't very fruitful and in the larger scheme of things, you will never see them again.
What I mean to say is the Burger King Pie Guy is a dick. What about the people lining up after the kid? What if they want pies too?
[ 09. August 2014, 16:41: Message edited by: Anglican_Brat ]
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It's Reformation Day! Do your part to promote Christian unity and brotherly love and hug a schismatic.
Posts: 4332 | From: Vancouver | Registered: Feb 2007
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Charlie-in-the-box:
I order every pie they have left in addition to my burgers. Turned out to be 23 pies in total, I take my order and walk towards the exit. Moments later I hear the woman yelling, what do you mean you don't have any pies left, who bought them all?
Bravo!
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
I am probably going to shock everyone by saying that the outcome of the incident is a pretty perfect natural consequence. Woudn't advocate it as a general trend, but the kid is not gonna die of lack- of - pie, and in the meantime he learns that people have limits, and they might let him know about them. ( i might argue that the adult that sets and holds a limit is showing far more respect for a child than one who curries their favor through indulgence. Suck ups don't give affection, they pander to receive it. Kids figure that out.)
A speaker at one of the childcare conferences said, " it is our job to teach children how to be likable." She said the first time she said this, her audience gasped and murmured against the idea of teaching a child to rely on the validation of others, but that isn't what she meant; she was saying it is our job to teach kids basic social skills-- like everyone has to wait sometimes, and the guy with the headache hurts worse when we yell--that will give them some sort of shot at connecting with others.
I talked to my mom about this-- when Neph was old enough to begin playing board games, she would let him win ( which didn't bother me) and when he did, he would spend the next five minutes shouting at her about what a " stupid loser" she was. I would tell him not to talk to her that way, and she would scold me for interfering and insist it was just playing. I pulled her aside and said, " you gotta understand, he's gonna go back to class and talk to his friends this way, and they will hate him. "
But, like the mother in the story, part of the dynamic between them was" nobody really understands/ loves you the way I do, and that's why I cater to your every whim." It's a cheat. Our job is to give kids the tools to built connections, and indulgence at the level in the OP teaches habits that will submarine the ability to make connections. How is that love? It's locking someone into emotional dependance.
About a year later, I took him to a park, and sure enough I had to pull him aside while he was trying to join a softball game and say, " the boys keep walking away from you because all you are doing is telling them how you are the best player of everyone. Try asking them some questions about what they do."
[ 09. August 2014, 18:07: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
But this guy didn't set any limits for the child either, and we have no way of knowing if the kid was even aware that the lack of pies was related to his earlier behaviour.
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Hmm. Ok. Well, then the lesson, though unstated, is simply " screaming doesn't always make thing happen." Maybe I should clarify what I mean by " natural consequence."
If mom had said, "i don't buy treats for people who shout rude thing at me" that would have been a logical consequence. The pies disappearing-- well, it isn't really a consequence because it is not expressed that way, but the reward of screaming for what you want definitely doesn't happen.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Anglican_Brat:
What I mean to say is the Burger King Pie Guy is a dick. What about the people lining up after the kid? What if they want pies too?
He could probably have come to some arrangement with them. We aren't being told what he did with the other 22 pies. If he just dumped them somewhere once he was out of sight, shame on him.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
If he dumped them, it was a public service. Those things are disgusting.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
I was hoping he might have given them to some homeless people.
(I've never had a Burger King Pie.)
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Evangeline
Shipmate
# 7002
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Hmm. Ok. Well, then the lesson, though unstated, is simply " screaming doesn't always make thing happen." Maybe I should clarify what I mean by " natural consequence."
If mom had said, "i don't buy treats for people who shout rude thing at me" that would have been a logical consequence. The pies disappearing-- well, it isn't really a consequence because it is not expressed that way, but the reward of screaming for what you want definitely doesn't happen.
In all likelihood the kid screamed some more and Mum schlepped across the suburb to another Burger King, no lesson learnt other than screaming does get you what you want.
Posts: 2871 | From: "A capsule of modernity afloat in a wild sea" | Registered: May 2004
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
I really like the part where he pulls out a pie and slowly starts eating it so that the mother can see it. That must have tasted good!
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
Sounds like he was trying to teach the mother a lesson as much as the child, given her own behaviour.
But also, I'd like to add a hellish mention for all the millions of advertising dollars that are consciously designed to send children into a frenzy for all this non-nutritious crap. There's research about how it's not even about the food for many kids, it's about the experience and the trinkets.
He probably doesn't remember, but I still remember the tantrum my nephew had at age 4 over wanting to go to McDonalds. And in the course of it he ran off into the road. Thank God it wasn't an overly busy one. I never saw anything like it from him before or since.
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
orfeo: Sounds like he was trying to teach the mother a lesson as much as the child, given her own behaviour.
In my view, it wasn't the child's fault. Shouting that you want pie like that is a bad thing, but he needed guidance and that wasn't given to him.
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
I've been known to pull out my stern inner auntie when a child is being rude and fussy towards their caretaker: "You be nice to your mom/dad/grandma!" I've never been called on it. Generally everyone involved ignores me, but it feels good.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
I was at the zoo months back and one kid, about ten or so, was running around the petting zoo punching goats in the stomach. Hard. In full view of the parents, who just sort of blandly watched him.Finally I couldn't stand it anymore and came over and used my "I ain't fuckin' around" voice: "If you keep punching the goats, they will think you are trying to fight with them. They use those horns on their heads to fight. If they decide to hit you with them, it will really really hurt."
This provoked the mom to come over and tell the kid to knock it off and lead him away, but it was almost like she needed permission to set limits with him. Like "Good, nobody will think I am evil if I tell him to stop. Or at least one person will back me up."
I think a lot of parents are really worried about being scrutinized, and this effects how they react to their child's behavior in public. Not sure if this explains the attitude of the parent in the story-- like that anxiety about scrutiny produces defensiveness-- but maybe, sorta, a little.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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anoesis
Shipmate
# 14189
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
This provoked the mom to come over and tell the kid to knock it off and lead him away, but it was almost like she needed permission to set limits with him. Like "Good, nobody will think I am evil if I tell him to stop. Or at least one person will back me up."
I think a lot of parents are really worried about being scrutinized, and this effects how they react to their child's behavior in public. Not sure if this explains the attitude of the parent in the story-- like that anxiety about scrutiny produces defensiveness-- but maybe, sorta, a little.
This, Kelly. This. I haven't looked at the links, but I do have young children, and I am not as in-control of them as I would like to be, or as I foresaw I would be. Reading through the other posts on this thread earlier today just made me feel like even more of a failure. One of my children is capable of really, really excessive behaviour. She is still having, at the age of six, the sort of tantrums you associate with two-year olds. Not, mostly, not-getting-things related, but rather high-strung/overanxious behaviour just getting completely out of hand. The fact is, I do feel absolutely helpless in the face of it. Sure, there are things I can do, as each one occurs, to limit its duration (today was a particularly bad day and I ended up carrying her outside and strapping her in her carseat and locking up the car and going back inside* - that was because upon being sent to her room she basically decided to kick the door down from the inside and didn't stop when I asked her to.) But all these management techniques (such as they are), feel like fiddling while Rome burns to me. Nothing, nothing, we have tried, actually stops them from happening, or reduces their frequency. Some days a normal, functioning child gets out of bed and interacts as part of a family and community, and sometimes this weird kind of possessed thing gets out of bed and just drives everyone to the brink by day's end. And there's no pattern. It's the most demoralising thing. Yet despite all this, I cannot shake the notion that somehow, on some level, this must, at least partly, be my fault.
And you know what? When I see mothers out with children who are behaving appallingly - I just feel very, very, sorry for them. Even if it is their fault.
*don't worry, it's winter here at the moment - not dangerous.
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The history of humanity give one little hope that strength left to its own devices won't be abused. Indeed, it gives one little ground to think that strength would continue to exist if it were not abused. -- Dafyd --
Posts: 993 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Oct 2008
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
I just read an article about the myth of the natural born teacher-- pointing out the reality that teachers might have innate talent, but it will go nowhere without mentoring, training, and collaboration of peers.
I think that goes about a hundredfold for parents. Parents feel like failures because we seem to assume parenting is innate, when it is to a huge extent learned. If a parent has to ask for help, or something happens that leads a person to comment on a child's behavior, they feel like failures-- because the kind of community collaboration it takes to grow a child and support the job of parenting is not looked at as a serious necessity. We give lip service to the idea of caregiver/ community/ parent collaboration, but in practice we leave people to figure it out themselves.
Back to Burger King guy-- I think he had really shady motives, probably largely pain based, but in general, I think appropriate feedback from people outside the family helps with socialization. Appropriate, I stress. There are always those people who get off on judging, and they are no help.
[ 10. August 2014, 09:14: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by anoesis:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
This provoked the mom to come over and tell the kid to knock it off and lead him away, but it was almost like she needed permission to set limits with him. Like "Good, nobody will think I am evil if I tell him to stop. Or at least one person will back me up."
I think a lot of parents are really worried about being scrutinized, and this effects how they react to their child's behavior in public. Not sure if this explains the attitude of the parent in the story-- like that anxiety about scrutiny produces defensiveness-- but maybe, sorta, a little.
This, Kelly. This. I haven't looked at the links, but I do have young children, and I am not as in-control of them as I would like to be, or as I foresaw I would be. Reading through the other posts on this thread earlier today just made me feel like even more of a failure. One of my children is capable of really, really excessive behaviour. She is still having, at the age of six, the sort of tantrums you associate with two-year olds. Not, mostly, not-getting-things related, but rather high-strung/overanxious behaviour just getting completely out of hand. The fact is, I do feel absolutely helpless in the face of it. Sure, there are things I can do, as each one occurs, to limit its duration (today was a particularly bad day and I ended up carrying her outside and strapping her in her carseat and locking up the car and going back inside* - that was because upon being sent to her room she basically decided to kick the door down from the inside and didn't stop when I asked her to.) But all these management techniques (such as they are), feel like fiddling while Rome burns to me. Nothing, nothing, we have tried, actually stops them from happening, or reduces their frequency. Some days a normal, functioning child gets out of bed and interacts as part of a family and community, and sometimes this weird kind of possessed thing gets out of bed and just drives everyone to the brink by day's end. And there's no pattern. It's the most demoralising thing. Yet despite all this, I cannot shake the notion that somehow, on some level, this must, at least partly, be my fault.
And you know what? When I see mothers out with children who are behaving appallingly - I just feel very, very, sorry for them. Even if it is their fault.
*don't worry, it's winter here at the moment - not dangerous.
If standard webster-stratton type strategies don't help, you need to think about talking to health professionals. It is OK to ask for help.
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
When did seeing someone else's child acting like a child, even a badly behaved one, become an excuse for an adult being childish?
When it is funny.
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
It is OK to ask for help.
This all over. Not just OK, vital. For everyone.
I can't imagine coping with caregiving without having had the mentors I've had, the training I've had, without parking my butt in workshop after workshop listening to experienced old crones tell their battle stories and reporting their stratagies, without having key people to turn to when I need to talk stuff through. I 've been in a couple jobs where that wasn't available, and it was torture.Like I said, it baffles me that we expect people to just conjure this stuff up by instinct.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
This is the NSPCC helpline they are talking about in the article. It is the same number parents can call for advice if they are struggling.
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Later, when I looked up, “child abuse” on the internet I would eventually find a 2006 Department of Education report, What to do if You’re Worried a Child is being Abused.” But its guidelines were for people who work with children, professionals charged with their care who could observe them over time. It wasn’t so much designed for members of the public who happened to see ugly scenes on buses or in the street or supermarket.
Yeah, those guidelines would be nice.
And the woman in the story did the right thing, despite the predictability of the response. The mom was losing her shit- we all do, to one extent or another, but when we do it with kids, we need folk to give us a reality check, like it or not.
When I was a first year teacher, one of my coworkers heard me call a kid " a little pain" and she snapped, " If licensing came in and heard that, you would be fired." She was right, and her intervention woke me up to what an ass I was being. I'm grateful she didn't just let it go.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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ecumaniac
Ship's whipping girl
# 376
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
[QUOTE]
When I was a first year teacher, one of my coworkers heard me call a kid " a little pain" and she snapped, " If licensing came in and heard that, you would be fired." She was right, and her intervention woke me up to what an ass I was being. I'm grateful she didn't just let it go.
Seriously!? I find it utterly unreasonable that you weren't allowed to let off a bit of steam out of hearing of the children. By my experience/standards referring to a kid as "a little pain" is so mild as to barely register. Even said to the child's face, in the heat of the moment, I think that phrase is perfectly fine.
I think it was a complete over reaction on the part of your colleague and if a comment like that was grounds for firing, there would be no one in the profession left.
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it's a secret club for people with a knitting addiction, hiding under the cloak of BDSM - Catrine
Posts: 2901 | From: Cambridge | Registered: Jun 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
No, it wasn't. I shouted it at him, when I thought no-one could hear me. I was a nineteen year old idiot, and I needed the correction.
I think she threatened me with firing just to scare me-- probably I would have just had a huge sit-down with the director. But it was a scare I needed. More to the point, nobody was really stepping to the plate to mentor me at that time, so anything that helped me take a look at how I did things was a good thing, even if it was harsh.
[ 10. August 2014, 17:38: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by ecumaniac:
By my experience/standards referring to a kid as "a little pain" is so mild as to barely register.
I once called one an "obnoxious squirt", which is exactly what he was!
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
Sometimes the child throwing the tantrum has lost it completely and can't control himself. Maybe he's tired or coming down with an illness.
In that situation, the only thing for the parent to do is pick him up and get him out of there. If possible, take him home; if it's not possible, find a place to sit down with him.
I have seen some parents who couldn't recognize a genuine loss of self-control and kept demanding that the child behave. It never worked.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
I was very pleased to see a small family group at a restaurant do that very thing, Moo. Small girl was getting tearful and demanding about something (not sure what). Dad quietly picked her up and carried her out. Five minutes later they returned; the child was calm and unfussed. I don't know his methods, but I lurve a happy ending! ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
From the shaking son story,
quote:
What if the woman, shamed at being called out in public, took it out on the boy at home?
That would be my biggest fear. The second would be worry about how the child felt over hearing his mother criticized in that way. If the comment caused an improvement, it would be worth it, but if she continues to treat him the same way, he now has to deal with the abuse plus the awareness that his mother might be flawed somehow as a parent. I think that can shake a child's sense of security pretty badly. That's his mother, the center of his universe. If there's something wrong with her then the world slips a little bit.
I can still remember the time a hairdresser spoke up for me against my mother and
I hated it.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
I was very pleased to see a small family group at a restaurant do that very thing, Moo. Small girl was getting tearful and demanding about something (not sure what). Dad quietly picked her up and carried her out. Five minutes later they returned; the child was calm and unfussed. I don't know his methods, but I lurve a happy ending!
A shot of gin in the bar can work miracles ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
It can be helpful for a child who already realizes something's wrong to have an outsider confirm the fact. Better than thinking that it's you yourself that's wrong!
We've had several cases like this where we've had ongoing (strained) relationships with parents and children both, and since we couldn't do anything more permanent (long story--see: Division of Family Services), we did the best we could to support the children in staying sane and nonsuicidal, and surviving long enough to escape home and build happier, saner lives for themselves.
A big part of that was assuring them that yes, indeed, there was a real problem, but the problem was not with them personally. It was the situation (read: parent, but we try to be tactful and not embroil the child in emotional conflict any further than they were already) that was crazy, not the child.
They expressed a great sense of relief. Situations can change for the better--even if that means waiting for college age when you have an excuse to escape home. But if children believe that they themselves are bad and evil, causing the abuse themselves and deserving it--well, that's a recipe for suicide.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Palimpsest:
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
I was very pleased to see a small family group at a restaurant do that very thing, Moo. Small girl was getting tearful and demanding about something (not sure what). Dad quietly picked her up and carried her out. Five minutes later they returned; the child was calm and unfussed. I don't know his methods, but I lurve a happy ending!
A shot of gin in the bar can work miracles
Pretty crafty slipping a shot of gin to a four year old. ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif) ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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AmyBo
Shipmate
# 15040
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Posted
I try to speak up when I see a kid lose it, giving a little validation to the parent when I can. My favorite was when I saw a little guy in a store throw a big ol' temper tantrum, and I was already tired and cranky, so I walked up and said, "me, too!" - his (presumably) mom relaxed, and he was shocked into silence long enough to get a grip. Sometimes a little patience from strangers helps diffuse it.
Posts: 122 | From: Minnesota | Registered: Aug 2009
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Evangeline
Shipmate
# 7002
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
It can be helpful for a child who already realizes something's wrong to have an outsider confirm the fact. Better than thinking that it's you yourself that's wrong!
We've had several cases like this where we've had ongoing (strained) relationships with parents and children both, and since we couldn't do anything more permanent (long story--see: Division of Family Services), we did the best we could to support the children in staying sane and nonsuicidal, and surviving long enough to escape home and build happier, saner lives for themselves.
A big part of that was assuring them that yes, indeed, there was a real problem, but the problem was not with them personally. It was the situation (read: parent, but we try to be tactful and not embroil the child in emotional conflict any further than they were already) that was crazy, not the child.
They expressed a great sense of relief. Situations can change for the better--even if that means waiting for college age when you have an excuse to escape home. But if children believe that they themselves are bad and evil, causing the abuse themselves and deserving it--well, that's a recipe for suicide.
I absolutely agree, well said, LC.
Posts: 2871 | From: "A capsule of modernity afloat in a wild sea" | Registered: May 2004
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Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
quote:
Originally posted by Palimpsest:
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
I was very pleased to see a small family group at a restaurant do that very thing, Moo. Small girl was getting tearful and demanding about something (not sure what). Dad quietly picked her up and carried her out. Five minutes later they returned; the child was calm and unfussed. I don't know his methods, but I lurve a happy ending!
A shot of gin in the bar can work miracles
Pretty crafty slipping a shot of gin to a four year old.
If you want to waste it on the child for the quiet. Otherwise it really can calm down the father.
Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011
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Liopleurodon
Mighty sea creature
# 4836
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Posted
I read this story and thought "yeah, I bet that never actually happened." It sounds too much like "I wish I had done this - THAT WOULD HAVE SHOWN THEM." I dunno - maybe I'm overly cynical from having spent too much time around people who magically reconstruct the past to say that they did do what they later realised would have been the witty response.
Posts: 1921 | From: Lurking under the ship | Registered: Aug 2003
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mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
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Posted
This is not AS - but in case it is useful to anyone, I used to play 'losing practice' with my kids. In the nursery car-park, where no-one was around to be troubled by screaming, we would have a race to the car. Half the time, kid would win. Half the time, they would not. The latter half, they'd be sat in the car and told with a big smile that I wasn't getting in to go home until they'd got over it. We even got into a 'well done, winner / better luck next-time, loser' exchange which they still often instinctively call upon, age 6 and 9!
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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
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JoannaP
Shipmate
# 4493
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Posted
[continuing tangent]
Oh yes, I sometimes think that the most useful thing my mother taught me was how to be a good loser.
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"Freedom for the pike is death for the minnow." R. H. Tawney (quoted by Isaiah Berlin)
"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." Benjamin Franklin
Posts: 1877 | From: England | Registered: May 2003
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
It's interesting, and perhaps distinctly human, how delicious a bit of schadenfreude-- even vicarious schadenfreude-- can taste in the moment. But, as we have seen, the aftertaste of all that revenge pie can be a bit harder to digest.
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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