Thread: Pets in Hell Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
... specifically birds. Parakeets. (that's budgies to you)

Noisy, bitey little freaks that fly the fuck all over my house when I'm trying to install one of their damn expensive have-to-have-this NEEDS in the cage (Read: cuttlebone, nesting stuff, water bowl, etc.).

AND lands on the top shelf from whence I must remove it with a broom.

AND tries to knock itself out flying through the window.

AND bites me when I catch the bloody thing in a sheet so as not to shred its freaking wings.

While ANOTHER idiot bird tries to escape because, it's just so fun to watch me chase it.

Adding shit and feathers to the general décor of the house.

Which has now happened TWICE in twenty-four hours.

Why? Because I was fool enough to feel sorry for them when their previous slave couldn't keep them anymore.

I am such an idiot.
 

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Posted by AmyBo (# 15040) on :
 
I worked in a pet store long enough to learn that those things are rats with wings. Yuck.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Cats can go too. I was just talking to someone on the phone when there came a terrific CRASH! Her cats took out the DVDs on a shelf.

The parakeets are screaming at the Vietnamese movie now. I told Mr Lamb the language sounded like birds, but he wouldn't believe me. Now he knows.

Vietnamese sounds like parakeets swearing.
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Dogs. Great hairy, smelly, lolloping, slobbering animate doormats. This is a kitchen: the only way animals are allowed is in a roasting tin with a bunch of thyme up the jacksie. * neither need or want to be either trodden on nor licked. Bog off.
 

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Posted by JonahMan (# 12126) on :
 
Cats for me too. No wonder megalomaniacs in Bond films never manage to blow up the world. Just as they are about to reprogramme the death-ray, suddenly their cat wants attention, climbs the curtains of the secret chamber and pulls them down, does a noxious dump in the litter tray, digs their claws through your henchman's kevlar armour, lies down on the keyboard of the master computer and changes the settings by accident and then purrs, expecting to be stroked for the next hour or two.

Bastards. But cute bastards.
 

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Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :
 
* rue the day * got my first pet cobra.
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
* bet not as much as your pet white mouse did.
 

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Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Four years ago my cat pooped in the Jacuzzi-tub. So that day, * was not inclined to let him in the back door when * next went to take the puppy out (to keep her from using her favorite spot under the dining room table.)

Consequently the cat[* ] deliberately[/* ] tripped me at the top of the steps. * couldn't do anything to break my fall without dropping the puppy, so * broke two bones and tore four ligaments and have walked with a cane ever since.

These hell*** animals still live, plus * have to get up at six everyday to give the demon cat an insulin shot.
 

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Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
* 've been playing robustly with Daisy May since oooooh Xmas 2005 at least and have the lesser scars to prove it, * 've been on all fours growling back in her face the lot, but two weeks ago the cow bit me in earnest when * WASN'T playing with her. On my George H. W. Bush digit. Doesn't look too bad now. * am very much looking forward to giving her the appropriate gesture.
 

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Posted by St. Punk the Pious (# 683) on :
 
If anyone's dog dare jumps on me with muddy paws, * may hasten its trip to Hell. Likewise for yappers that torture my ears.
 

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Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
I got up from my needlework to let the fluffy beast in the door. She came in, pounced on it and tried to kill it.

How come a creature that looks so cute and beguiling is hellspawn?

Huia
 

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Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
I totally misunderstood what this thread's title was about. I peeked in to see how many of us claimed Twilight.
 

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Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
For that... a YouTube!

A cat from Hell and my favorite dog.
 

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Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
Pet rocks are the only ones allowed in my house.
 

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Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
The cat who just came in with a live mouse in its face, and dropped it. An hour's hunting hasn't found it. It's in the house somewhere. That would be the house with every piece of furniture moved away from the wall, the one that now looks like Paddy's market.

The cat went out to find and eat another one.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Birds screaming like freaks as I type. PAY ATTENTION TO US! maybe I'll just turn on a Vietnamese movie. Sounds the same.
 

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Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
No Raptor Eye - it went out to find a daddy mouse so that the mummy mouse already running around your house can be fruitful and multiply

Huia
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Birds screaming like freaks as I type. PAY ATTENTION TO US! maybe I'll just turn on a Vietnamese movie. Sounds the same.

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I see your screaming budgies and raise you a pair of sulphur- crested cockatoos, who are screeching their annoyance to the entire neighbourhood because I have not yet chopped down a tree to provide their day's entertainment.
 

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Posted by LutheranChik (# 9826) on :
 
Cats -- rescue cats we adopted out of the goodness of our hearts -- jeopardizing their already precarious state in our household (they are aggravating DP's asthma and allergies) by deciding on a litterbox-optional lifestyle for #2. We have been trying hard to re-home them, to no avail, but this new development might hasten their departure from this mortal coil. I even had a Humane Society worker tell me that's the best option for cats their age. (9+)
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Athrawes:

quote:

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Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Birds screaming like freaks as I type. PAY ATTENTION TO US! maybe I'll just turn on a Vietnamese movie. Sounds the same.

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I see your screaming budgies and raise you a pair of sulphur- crested cockatoos, who are screeching their annoyance to the entire neighbourhood because I have not yet chopped down a tree to provide their day's entertainment.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Huia:
No Raptor Eye - it went out to find a daddy mouse so that the mummy mouse already running around your house can be fruitful and multiply

Huia

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Cheers Huia

We didn't find it, or them! - yet.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Great. One parakeet is mocking us by imitating a human snore.

We will now fight about whose snore it is.
 

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Posted by BessHiggs (# 15176) on :
 
My big, fat, lazy male is currently teaching the kittens to wake me up at all hours because they can see to bottom of the food dish. Try waking up at o'dark thirty to pee to find 3 small orange faces sitting on your chest, starng at your face like they're going to eat part of you as their next option. The food bowl holds about 1.5 pounds of cat food, and I fill it up before I go to sleep. They're NOT starving, but they are kind of scary in the niddle of the night....

Free kitten to anyone who wants one, I'll pay shipping and everything
 

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Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Great. One parakeet is mocking us by imitating a human snore.

We will now fight about whose snore it is.

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Just occasionally, being required to read this stuff is totally worth it.
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Great. One parakeet is mocking us by imitating a human snore.

We will now fight about whose snore it is.

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I would have thought that was obvious - it must be Little Lamb, since it would be too high pitched to be an adult.
 

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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by orfeo:

quote:

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Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Great. One parakeet is mocking us by imitating a human snore.

We will now fight about whose snore it is.

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Just occasionally, being required to read this stuff is totally worth it.

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No kidding! I burst out laughing and startled the cats. They were snuggled together, so when they jumped they jostled each other. Both took offense at this, and so began several minutes of mock-epic battle, which is always funny except for the extra fur I have to vacuum up.
 

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Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :
 
Having a cat and a dog. Yes, not the most sensible of decisions ever made, but we were not expecting (a) the cat to shit herself when she met the dog and (b) the dog then 'clear it up'. Filthy beast.

The cat and dog have now reached a modus vivendi by partitioning the house, with the dog having downstairs and the cat upstairs, which means we have to let the latter in and out through an upstairs window - not so much of a laugh now the nights are getting colder. The dog, meanwhile, having been snubbed by the cat, is forming a symbiotic relationship with the dishwasher and provides it with a pre-wash; it is becoming ever-more tempting to let her eat the 'fizzy sweet' in the dishwasher before letting her out the front yelling "Look out, it's rabid."
 

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Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on :
 
The thing about dogs, and dog owners(1) is this. Dogs eat shit. Dog owners let their dogs lick their faces.

'nuff said.

(1) obviously with some fortunate exceptions.

[ 23. September 2014, 16:12: Message edited by: Karl: Liberal Backslider ]
 

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Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :
 
Thank you for editing that....

I do my level best to avoid the dog licking any part of my anatomy (stop sniggering you dirty bastards) particularly my face, for that very reason.

[ 23. September 2014, 16:15: Message edited by: Matt Black ]
 

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Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Mouse found, making its home in the log basket. Mouse evicted. Cat slept soundly throughout. Now so can I.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Parakeets pooping on everything (duh) including their own water (double duh). Had to make another freakin' trip to the store to get a non-poopable water dish. Now realize that parakeets are pooping in their seed as well.

Does anyone know where I can get tiny, tiny corks the size of a bird's asshole?
 

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Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :
 
Budgies do that. Each day you shake off the top part of the seed, which has the husks and any poop, and if need be refill the seed a bit. Simples.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Yes, young Jedi, but that was not the question. It was:

quote:

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Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:


Does anyone know where I can get tiny, tiny corks the size of a bird's asshole?

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Could you kindly leave the question open until Chastmastr can come and provide the answer?

[ 26. September 2014, 18:45: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 


That was actually the sublime conclusion of a major fight I had with Mr. Lamb yonks ago, when he totally lost it over the state of the aquarium. (think springtime--sunlight through window--algae bloom)

It's the only time I've ever seen him go from hysterical rage to hysterical laughter.
 

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Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Yes, young Jedi, but that was not the question. It was:

quote:

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Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:


Does anyone know where I can get tiny, tiny corks the size of a bird's asshole?

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Could you kindly leave the question open until Chastmastr can come and provide the answer?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Make. them. fit.

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Well, the corks might do, but the bottles are WAAY too tiny for the amount of crap they produce. Otherwise I'd drop some in the mail to nevermind.



Meanwhile, they have a bigger cage on the landing, from which they loudly proclaim their joint kingship of the universe.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by leftfieldlover:
I love my two cats, even though: one of them peed on my duvet until it was dripping, so I had to buy a new one (duvet); nearly every morning there are the parts they didn't want to eat of some bird or mammal on the kitchen floor; this week they brought a mouse in and let it go - during the few days the cats guarded the dining room, the mouse managed to poo behind the computer and partially eat a couple of books. Yesterday afternoon the mouse had been found and what was left of it was under the dining table. Actually, the worse bit of killing or torture was when the male cat brought in a huge wood pigeon and promptly bit through an artery. My conservatory was swimming in blood. They are not allowed in the bedrooms at night and are locked in the kitchen and utility room with access outside. When they have been allowed to sleep with us, we have been kept awake by a cat trying to sleep on someone's head or using a scalp as a scratching post. They may be the spawn of the devil, but they are still beautiful!

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That has got to be one of the most graphic, gruesome posts I've ever read on the Ship. It's like a paragraph from a short story by Takashi Miike.
...
...

:
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Freaking birds got out.

Chasing feathered fiends with a sheet all over the house.

Couldn't find one. Gave up. Went to have a drink.

Feathered fiend put himself back in the cage.

Whatever.
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 
Yep. They do that. Alternatively, you can wait until it's dark and they've roosted, then pick them up and shove them in the cage. At least yours don't open the cage themselves (or did they ). I came home one day to find young sulphur crested delinquent had got out, and was happily sitting on the top of the aviary, admiring the view. He'd opened the cage from the inside.
 

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Posted by Cottontail (# 12234) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Athrawes:
Yep. They do that. Alternatively, you can wait until it's dark and they've roosted, then pick them up and shove them in the cage. At least yours don't open the cage themselves (or did they ). I came home one day to find young sulphur crested delinquent had got out, and was happily sitting on the top of the aviary, admiring the view. He'd opened the cage from the inside.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Cottontail:

quote:

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Originally posted by Athrawes:
Yep. They do that. Alternatively, you can wait until it's dark and they've roosted, then pick them up and shove them in the cage. At least yours don't open the cage themselves (or did they ). I came home one day to find young sulphur crested delinquent had got out, and was happily sitting on the top of the aviary, admiring the view. He'd opened the cage from the inside.

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My aunt's cockatiel learned to do that. Then one day he let himself out the cage, and got eaten by the dog.

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Bet he didn't do THAT again...
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 


Our dog is blind, so will probably (probably) not eat errant parakeets, but who knows...

As for opening the cage, the parakeets probably can't do that, as it was made for an African grey (who could, and did, open cages). But the real champion in this regard was Macchu Picchu, our green-wing macaw. She didn't bother to open her steel cage. She just used her beak to UNWELD that sucker.



You can judge how eager I was to put my fingers anywhere near that beak afterward.

[ 28. September 2014, 20:48: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
I an understand keeping a cat, or even a dog (just) - but why do you want to give houseroom to a lot of mad, crypto-reptilians from the Jurassic?
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 
Because they are entertaining, and you can blame most of your problems on them. And Lamb Chopped - I am *never* getting a macaw!
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Firenze:
I an understand keeping a cat, or even a dog (just) - but why do you want to give houseroom to a lot of mad, crypto-reptilians from the Jurassic?

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Because mad as they are, they are still more sane than the people in our church.


I enjoy the contrast.
 

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Posted by Net Spinster (# 16058) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Athrawes:
Because they are entertaining, and you can blame most of your problems on them. And Lamb Chopped - I am *never* getting a macaw!

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Given what Machu Picchu the macaw in Diane Duane's young wizard series turned out to be, probably very wise.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
I was wondering if anyone would spot the name origin...

Really, I think Diane Duane was on to something, and suspect there are a lot of personality similarities between a macaw and one of the heavenly Powers that Be. Mostly in the sense of humor.
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 
Now I'm going to have to chase that down.

What I don't get is why the budgies are driving you to contemplate rat poison. I mean, if you have had a *macaw* screaming at you that the world is a bad place and nobody loves a bird! I would have thought that a pair of budgies would be positively soothing by comparison.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
There are four parakeets, vs. only one macaw.

Plus, macaws don't screech all the time--ours did it rarely. Mostly they just say "Heloo-oo-oo-ooo?" in a voice like a mad old auntie that you keep locked in the attic. Which made us a popular stop on Halloween.

They also click their beaks and make a noise I can only describe as a purr.
 

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Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
I agree with, Firenze. I've cleaned up a lot of animal waste in my time. My first husband had pythons, anacondas, monkeys, a kinkajou, turtles and a huge lizard that once got loose and returned, tailless, at full run, with the irate populace of the entire neighborhood behind him. I learned that unless I had the reward of something furry to cuddle* with, it just wasn't worth it.

* Not counting the cold night when the furnace didn't work and we had to sleep with the boa constrictor, in a pillow case, between us.
When we woke up it was gone, not to return until months later when I found it hanging over the bedroom door like a ten foot rug.
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 
There speaks someone who has never cuddled a parrot. They can be remarkably soft and snugly, right up until the moment they stick a beak in your ear.

And Lamb Chopped, I don't care how cute and attractive you make them sound, nothing that can unwell a cage with it's beak is getting houseroom at my place!
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
heheheheheh. I just noticed your tagline.

A macaw would be remarkably handy if you could only get it to apply its beak to what you want to have taken apart--and not, say, the computer keyboard.

And what is it about parrots and ears? They seem to think of them as chew toys.
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 
My theory is, proper ears are small holes hidden by feathers. If your ears stick out, it is because parrots need exercise and stimulation, and your ears are an attempt to provide these. It would, therefore, be rude to not play with them.

( and the tagline is a pretty accurate description of how I teach)
 

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Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :
 
Watching sulphur-crested cockatoos open up the covers on street lights is fun.

Unless, presumably, you are responsible for the maintenance of street lights.
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 
Keeps the maintainence crews employed. Cockatoos are a public service. ( Although mine are about to get their beaks welded shut if they don't stop screeching!)

[ 30. September 2014, 03:15: Message edited by: Athrawes ]
 

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Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :
 
We have a cockatiel. I was very clear that I did not want a cockatiel. I was over ruled. I was assured that it wouldn't create any extra work for me; I wouldn't have to feed it or clean it out. Alas, it turns out that cockatiels spit seed husks over a wide area, and if not hoovered daily, these husks attach to people's feet and get tracked throughout the house, into beds etc.

My family's reaction was, more or less "Gosh! It turns out you were right after all! Having a cockatiel has created masses of extra work for you! Gee, it must suck to be you!"



Having realised that I was not happy, my husband then had a brilliant idea! To make the task of daily hoovering round the cockatiel cage easier, he bought me a new vaccuum cleaner for my Christmas.

As one of my friends said - "At least he's not the sort of husband you worry about other women stealing."
 

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Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by North East Quine:


Having realised that I was not happy, my husband then had a brilliant idea! To make the task of daily hoovering round the cockatiel cage easier, he bought me a new vaccuum cleaner for my Christmas.

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quote:

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Having realised that I was not happy, my husband then had a brilliant idea! To make the task of daily hoovering round the cockatiel cage easier, he bought me a new vaccuum cleaner for my Christmas.

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My husband is not perfect (says she, contemplating the gerbil bedding that has been tracked all through the house and that *nobody else* is likely to vacuum up) but at least he buys me Proper Presents for Christmas.

Anyway, gerbils. Our gerbils died (of old age) within a couple of weeks of each other. We'd intended to wait a few weeks before getting some more, but the sight of the empty tank was too much to bear, so we went to the pet shop for some more after less than a week and came back with three new ones.

I was used to coping with a pair of geriatric gerbils. I'd forgotten how much bedding a group of hyperactive baby gerbils can kick out of a cage...

And I think they're plotting their escape. They seem to be building up their litter as high as it will go; one side is nearly at the top of the tank already.
 

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Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :
 
In fairness, it was a roomba robot vacuum cleaner but still, I was given a vacuum cleaner for Christmas to clean up after a cockatiel which I had emphatically said I didn't want, because I would end up cleaning up after it.....

quote:

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Put the vacuum cleaner to good use: suck the bird up it! End of.

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quote:

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Originally posted by North East Quine:
We have a cockatiel. I was very clear that I did not want a cockatiel. I was over ruled. I was assured that it wouldn't create any extra work for me; I wouldn't have to feed it or clean it out. ...

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quote:

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Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
To be fair, the life expectancy of a goldfish in a bowl isn't high. It's a bit like keeping a cat in a cupboard.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
To be fair, the life expectancy of a goldfish in a bowl isn't high. ...

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quote:

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Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
We had gerbils in a cage when I was a child. Next-door's cat used to glue himself to the cage looking hopeful if no-one noticed him sneaking in. The gerbils chewed his whiskers off.

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This made my day!
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 
I have no idea what a gerbil is, but I like them!
 

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Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Gerbil
 

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Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
To be fair, the life expectancy of a goldfish in a bowl isn't high. It's a bit like keeping a cat in a cupboard.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Doublethink:
Gerbil

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quote:

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Originally posted by Athrawes:

quote:

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Originally posted by Doublethink:
Gerbil

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I wonder if we are allowed to keep these in Australia? Must find out...

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quote:

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Originally posted by Firenze:
The mere fact that you've begun to suspect means the car with the blacked windows is even now on its way to your address. Don't worry - you'll be back. You just won't remember.

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They appear to have missed and stolen the neighbour's motorcycles instead. At least, that's what the police are telling me happened in the hours following your message.
 

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Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
The Cute overload site has always had a lot of gerbils. Little girls seem to love dressing them up and making little stage sets for them.

Pretty darn adorable, the gerbils and the little girls.
 

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Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :
 
You made me follow a link to a site called "Cute Overload". I didn't become a host of Hell to frequent sites called "Cute Overload".
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Dear Everyone: we need some guidelines to good taste. That site? Violates all of them.

Remember how we set the default typeface to Garamond a couple days ago? We in Hell have Standards. High ones, even. Please, do try to conform to them.

Good God, just when I thought I couldn't burn out my eyeballs any more than they already were…
 

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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by orfeo:
You made me follow a link to a site called "Cute Overload". I didn't become a host of Hell to frequent sites called "Cute Overload".

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quote:

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Originally posted by orfeo:

quote:

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Originally posted by Firenze:
The mere fact that you've begun to suspect means the car with the blacked windows is even now on its way to your address. Don't worry - you'll be back. You just won't remember.

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They appear to have missed and stolen the neighbour's motorcycles instead. At least, that's what the police are telling me happened in the hours following your message.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Lothlorien:

quote:

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Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
To be fair, the life expectancy of a goldfish in a bowl isn't high. It's a bit like keeping a cat in a cupboard.

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When my granddaughter was just three, she had a goldfish. She thought it looked hungry, so gave it her breakfast of weetbix while her mum was hanging washing out. Then she decided fish needed cleaning as it was covered in weetbix mush. She caught it in her hands, dropped it in sink. Then she put washing up detergent on it and held it under tap.

You are right. Goldfish do not have a high life expectancy. Her mum came inside as Miss three was wondering why fish no longer swam in its bowl.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Firenze:

quote:

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Originally posted by orfeo:

quote:

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Originally posted by Firenze:
The mere fact that you've begun to suspect means the car with the blacked windows is even now on its way to your address. Don't worry - you'll be back. You just won't remember.

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They appear to have missed and stolen the neighbour's motorcycles instead. At least, that's what the police are telling me happened in the hours following your message.

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'Why are we here, sir? It's about some stolen motorcycles. Did you notice anything in the last few hours? Nothing? You can't quite remember how you spent the evening? Not to worry, I expect you dozed off. Into a nice, relaxing sleep. A deep, peaceful sleep. In which you remember nothing. Nothing at all. Deeply asleep. We'll let ourselves out. It was all about motorcycles.'

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Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by orfeo:
You made me follow a link to a site called "Cute Overload". I didn't become a host of Hell to frequent sites called "Cute Overload".

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quote:

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Originally posted by Twilight:
This is how sorry
I am.

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quote:

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Originally posted by orfeo:
This is how sorry you will be if the cat images don't stop.

That goes for the lot of you.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:

quote:

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Originally posted by orfeo:
This is how sorry you will be if the cat images don't stop.

That goes for the lot of you.

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Yes sir! No more cat pictures, sir!

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quote:

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Originally posted by orfeo:
I'm quite sure there's some other deck on the Ship that's been set up for fun and games...

Honestly, you have an H&A Day, and the next thing you know you've got senior Shipmates making an annoyance of themselves all over the place for weeks.

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quote:

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Originally posted by orfeo:
I've no idea what that means. I was talking about the parade of Admins and Hosts of other boards that are waltzing through leaving image links - the online equivalent of their droppings.

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Oh, them. I was on about mutinous mutterings of the lower deck.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
What to do, what to do...
 

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Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
Dog took my favourite toque off the balastrade and tore into it. The bitch went off her food and then had diarrhea after I lectured and ignored her. Guilt inducing little dinkus. She's now had bacon and peanut butter, and chased a bunny. All is right in her world, and the toque repair makes me look like I've been shot in the head.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Toddler nephew put his bowl of fried noodles on the floor. Blind dog found his way to it by the smell and scarfed the lot.

Nephew: indignant. Dog: Happy. Me:
 

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Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
I have a kingsize bed, how did one solitary cat manage to steall 3/4 of the quilt and pin me in a two foot strip of mattress ?
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Doublethink:
I have a kingsize bed, how did one solitary cat manage to steall 3/4 of the quilt and pin me in a two foot strip of mattress ?

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With practise, although I think genetics also play a part.

My cockatoo was all snugly and affectionate tonight. He wanted my attention, asked to hop on my arm, sat on my shoulder, gazed lovingly into my eyes, then bit me on the ear. It really hurt! At least he didn't laugh madly afterwards.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Newsflash: Birds in love with the vacuum cleaner.

Which means that Mr. Lamb treats us all to an extra long, loud hoovering, because he thinks it's cute.

Hate.Noise.Hate.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Mr Lamb is just begging for you to tell long, aggrieved, detailed stories about him and his bird obsession on the internet.

We are here for you, darling.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Thank you. I so feel the lurve.
 

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Posted by Taliesin (# 14017) on :
 
Bloody dog ate the cherrios. And covered me in really little white hairs. And has been known to drag me on the end of a lead through mud.

For some reason I really love dog and continue to let him turn his mournful little eyes upon us, while his muddy little paws get everywhere. During that run of thunderstorms last week he ended up actually in our bed, and he is not a small dog. But he wuvs us....
 

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Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Wretched cat continued her obsession with catching bats tonight. No I do not want a live bat bought into my home and released thank you very much!
 

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Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
My daughter was deployed in Afghanistan. She returned on a Monday. On the Wednesday she acquired a Great Dane puppy. I learn that its sire weighs 180 lbs. I am comforting myself by telling myself that this is a pre-child. In the meantime, I have a grand-dog that will grow to the size of a pony.
 

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Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Great Dane puppy!

Picture?
 

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Posted by Taliesin (# 14017) on :
 
They only live to 8 or 9, strain on heart.
 

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Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
And tonight's delight - cat wolfs her food down and ten minutes later makes odd yowling noises and then throws up on the floor. Lovely.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Blue feathered fiend just escaped its cage, flew madly into three windows, panicking, and probably shitting all the while. Me, armed with somebody's old underwear (don't ask), scoop up the wee idiot and get my finger bitten all to hell as I toss it back in the cage.

Remind me why we did this again?
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 
Because you are kind, gentle and compassionate, and budgies are cute.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
That must be why there's a bottle of barbecue sauce sitting on the counter.
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 
If you are planning to eat them you will *need* the barbecue sauce!
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 
And in breaking news, it seems my younger cocky is an escape artist. I came home from school to find his cage empty and him sitting on the neighbour's fence, admiring the view. I put him back, secured the cage and went out. When I came home again, he was chasing a dog around the yard with every appearance of delight. At this rate, if a dog doesn't get him, a snake will.

Oh, and my silky terrier is afraid of frogs. I had to rescue him from a particularly fine green tree frog this evening...
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Athrawes:
If you are planning to eat them you will *need* the barbecue sauce!

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quote:

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Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Toddler nephew put his bowl of fried noodles on the floor. Blind dog found his way to it by the smell and scarfed the lot.

Nephew: indignant. Dog: Happy. Me:

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quote:

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Originally posted by RooK:
In-laws visit with their dog. I feed it breath mints. Please, somebody tell me that mints are poisonous to dogs? Or at least make them utterly constipated for, oh, about four days?

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With your luck, they will be sugar-free mints and the dog, like humans, gets the very opposite of constipation from sugar substitutes.


 

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Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
Once I discovered my cat sitting on the bathroom counter doing oral hygiene. She was chewing my husband's toothbrush, which stands up in its holder. I scolded the cat, and she gave me a look: Excuse me, Mom -- I'm brushing my teeth! I decided not to tell him about it.
 

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Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :
 
I never knew we were a substitute for PostSecret. It's all coming out on this thread now.
 

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Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 
It is really hot here, which means snake breeding season. Yesterday my rather pathetic fox terrier decided to try and catch a brown snake... It went past me about 2 metres away. I now can't find the blasted thing. I have to go to school tomorrow, I can't leave the dogs outside, as she will harass the snake if it's still around, and get bitten, and it's too hot to leave them inside.
 

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