• take offence at something the previous poster wrote
• add some meat for the next poster
• keep the offence within the thread
• be creative (at least occasionally and to the best of your, cough, ability)
• Don't actually be mean, keep to within the tolerance of the target as best you can*

Punishment for failing to adhere to the rules will result in the perpetrator being required to listen to our resident clown/philosopher give his dissertation on the meaning of life. Bless his heart.


*And the targets abilities to respond. For example, when addressing Ariston, use small words and easy refrences.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Really now, I don't think I even have time to deal with that train wreck of an opening post. This is a thread much beloved of our community, one that has given us endless hours of polishing our abilities to give fraternal correction in Christian Love,™ and you sully it with a feeble and febrile attempt at "writing" like that? For Shame! I really see that it falls to me to maintain some semblance of decency and standards around this place.

And seriously, what's with that half-page long title? You do realize we're all going to have to look at it on the front page every time somebody visits these boards, right? I think it'll take the creaking UBB software and extra 13 processing cycles it doesn't have to spare just to figure out how to spell that monstrosity. Come now. Have some consideration for others.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Ariston, Ariston, Ariston,you just had to make this all about you, didn't you? Your opening sentence:

quote:

---

I don't think I have time

---

As if you are the only Circus host in the entire world. There are others of us, you know. We are not lesser beings. We too may not have time to deal with the train wreck of an OP, but did you consider that? Oh no. I haven't time to deal with it either, but do I count? No, I am swept aside like so many crumbs under the carpet.
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
You keep your crumbs under the carpet? Not on top, where they can occasionally be vacuumed up, but beneath, where they solidify into a layer of mould whose spores are even now seeding allergies across entire counties.

I am so upset that I may very well have to have some hot buttered toast.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
You really are quite heartless.
Now I am going to have to get out of bed and go in the kitchen.
I was sitting here quite nicely, keeping my poor duvet company (it has a tendency to get very lonely when I'm out at w*rk), and managing to forego my morning cup of coffee until the Smudgelet gets up, and you have to mention hot buttered toast.
Malicious, that was.

And as for using the v***um word on a Sunday, (or any day at all, for that matter) well, the less said about that the better.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Firenze, shame on you! To pick on the poor, hapless pingu! She does not have poor housekeeping skills as much as she has none at all. Not her fault, still hasn't adjusted from life on the ice floes to a proper* home. As a bird, she has other challenges. Most are not known for their cerebral prowess.**
And it is a lesser-known fact that penguins not only eat fish, but drink like them. The detritus you found was not mould from bread or biscuit, but, well, you may fill in the blank here.


*For certain values of proper.
**And here I have a dilemma; by using large words, we can avoid generating recognition of disparagement. However, this is the Circus and we do not wish it's "Hosts"*** to be out of the loop, comprehension-wise.
***Though this may be akin to calling residents of Bethlem "doctors"
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
You all love Smudgie more than you love me, and you started this thread while I was on vacation ON PURPOSE. How could you stomp on my heart like this????

Weeping wet bunny tears in my lonely room. Hope you all are very happy.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
They do.

We did.

We are.

Finding it difficult to find anything particularly offensive about your post, Kelly.

Oh yes. The carpet. Weeping on the carpet. That is offensive. Want to make everyone squelch when they walk?
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
And I think you could at least learn to type in proper sentences, you dim bird. Surely even hunt and peck shouldn't be beyond the ability of a beast with a beak? Are nouns in the accusitive case cold-sensitive? Does international law prohibit the use of direct objects south of Van Diemen's Land? Would it really be too much trouble to add in an additional noun?

No, no it wouldn't. Do try to keep up, please.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Goodness me, the modern trend of the immature juvenile with an underdeveloped grasp of the full range of linguistic and semantic variety at his fingertips is encapsulated in that post. Ariston, there's more to life than just questions, young man. How about being part of the answer?
 

---

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :
 
So you are aware that you may be speaking to an immature juvenile and yet you still use words with that many syllables? Really! As someone who works in education, I have enough trouble with dim-witted curriculum makers and whatnot without ordinary citizens going on like that. For shame!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Shame?

Gwai, dear Gwai, I'm not sure that Pingu understands the word, I think she gave up shame when Moses was but a lad thus to remind her of the shortfall in her moral standards is more than a waste of breath, it might even be interpreted as deliberately cruel!
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
There's an ongoing thread in purgatory debating the very existence of Moses, with multiple participants and lengthy, well-reasoned posts on both sides of the issue. And yet, you, Woderick, just come into the Circus and with one sweeping allusion claim to have solved the whole riddle?

Any other long-standing, complex debates you wish to settle with a snap of your proverbial fingers?
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Oh, certainly! just ignore the rules within the very first page!

• Keep the offence within the thread

The weasel is a pensioner, 'tis true. And they do seem to care little for rules or propriety. Just last week he was seen wandering Buckingham palace wearing naught but a camera with long, telephoto lens. 'Twas gauche. And a bit of braggadocio as short zoom would have done the job.
And you, Mr. Hat, bringing religion into the thread. On this website in particular.
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Oh, certainly! just ignore the rules within the very first page!

• Keep the offence within the thread

...

---

Just a tad anal retentative, what?

By the way, I thought there was a rule on foreign languages - bragadoccio??? gauche??? Not all of us are at that place where tongues meet. I do of course except myself from this, but have some compassion on those whose linguistic abilities are somewhat below my own.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Oooooooooh, someone hand me the brain bleach, quick.

Did you have to mention "the place where tongues meet"? And to brag about your own status in that respect, forcing me to visualise whose tongue yours is meeting, precisely. I am just glad to say it's not mine!

And what's more, HOW. ON. EARTH. did you manage not to find LB offensive? That really does stretch credibility.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Simples, Smudgie. I am beyond reproach whilst you are beyond approach. Sandwich boy recognises this.
 

---

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :
 
Beyond reproach, huh? Really? You think of all the people who frequent this site, none of them is capable of finding a single thing to reproach you for? (I don't mean myself, of course. I'm beyond reproaching others. But I will gladly take offense on their behalf.)

And the Penguin isn't entirely beyond approach; some brave souls do make excursions to the South Pole.
 

---

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
The designation of Antarctica as the South Pole and its consequent positioning at the bottom of the map is a well-known neo-colonialist tool of oppression. Why shouldn't the Arctic be considered the South Pole, so that the oppressed nations, ground below the heel of the US military-industrial capitalist hegemony, of Australia and New Zealand are represented at the top of the map as is their right?
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Yer oot yer face, ya glaikit knob! Stap yer havering!*
If you turn the world upside down, where do you think Scotland will be? Still trying to clear A' Ghàidhealtachd, are ye?

And what is wrong with hedges? Especially those with monies in them.


*Translation: Please stop and consider what you are suggesting. You may not be thinking this through.
 

---

Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on :
 
There is everything wrong with financial hedges. My opinion of you wasn't high before, but I never thought you'd stoop so low as defending bankers. Just throw another billion of the taxpayer's money at them, why don't you?


 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Throwing money around, la vie en rouge? Tut, tut, how wasteful of you - don't you realise there are poor children in Africa who would dearly love to get within sniffing distance of a humble £1 coin, and you are throwing it about willy nilly, without a care in the world!
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chorister:
... get within sniffing distance ... throwing it about willy nilly, without a care in the world!

---

Speaking as someone who is completely sound in the Canticles, may I express outrage on behalf of the silent MORAL majority of users of this board? The vile innuendi and dubious double-entendres perpetrated by someone who describes herself as 'completely frocked' leave me almost (but not quite) speechless.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Right, complain about filthy talk then lay down a bunch of your own filth!
At least you are being honest about where your thoughts are coming from. But sound canticles? You should be using the mass of tissue between your ears, not those dangling below your belt.
 

---

Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on :
 
A mere 23 posts into the game and you people are already descending into vulgarity. Can you not come up with some more creative and refined offence?
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Like to paint with a broad brush, do you? "YOU PEOPLE" is about as offensive as it gets, and it's not even filthy, except in minds too narrow to see creativity all around.
 

---

Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
For your information, what you call "creativity" some of us call vandalism. Broad brush strokes indeed! That's what they call making a mess these days is it? Anyone can throw a bit of paint around, but it's not all fine art.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Wow. The snobbery and classist condescension in that post. I don't even know where to begin, except to suggest a few good courses in appreciating guerrilla street art. I bet you're also one of Those People who believe that if we rabble really had any desire to improve ourselves or our degraded tastes, we'd pony up the $20 to get into a museum; the fact that you're having to contribute to the endowment again is just a sign of our utter and complete depravity.
 

---

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
That's just sizist. Combining 'pony' with the word 'up' is clearly supposed to be a humiliating reminder to ponies of their supposedly inferior status compared to carthorses. I'll have you know that equines of all sizes are beautiful and proud.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Look. At. Ariston's. Avatar. To him, anything pony is a compliment. He was not being sizest, but pro pony. And that is what you should have been offended by.
 

---

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :
 
So now you are telling people what to be offended by? Don't you think we have enough people in today's culture taking offense at things? Lord, people are always taking gratuitous offense! People even sue for pain and suffering just to get rich. How can you encourage someone to take more offense? Everyone's obsession with their own egoistic emotions are exactly what is wrong with today's society. And to think that this is a Christian Website!
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gwai:
... Don't you think we have enough people in today's culture taking offense at things? ....Everyone's obsession with their own egoistic emotions are exactly what is wrong with today's society. And to think that this is a Christian Website!

---

Oh, put a sock in it, Grandma! Wake up and smell the toffee ... sitting in your rocking chair a-mumbling and a-grumbling that the youth of today are going to Hell in a handcart just won't cut the mustard with us hip young doodz. This Ship of Fools ain't a Saga cruise, you get me?
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Listen Slick, your crummy attitude offends me. It's time for you to hitch up your Saggy Pants and turn your baseball cap around so the bill is in front. Think what you owe to the older generations, and be thankful. Not all of us Old-Timers live in the County Home for the Feeble, you know.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
What we owe to the Older generations? We should be thanking them for inspiring adverts to stiffen the drooping parts, loosening up the stiff parts, unstopping the stopped up parts or stemming the flow?
Are we to thank them for constantly reminding us of what we ought be thanking them?
Or for being an ever-present reminder of how soon we must ready our coin for Charon's river crossing?

Thank you ever so much.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Looking at your drooping, stiff, stopped up and free-flowing parts, LB, I would be grateful if you stopped being quite so proud and started showing sufficient gratitude to those who advertise cures for these unslightly and, to be honest, somewhat unsavoury traits and actually get yourself out there and buy some.

I am moooooooooost offended that you don't have the consideration to save us the embarrassment of trying to avoid mentioning the... er... elephant in the room, so to speak.
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
Tsk. Frankly, Smudgie, being a free and wild animal yourself I wouldn't think you would advocate keeping an elephant in a room. At least you have the grace to be embarrassed to speak of it, but that is not enough.

I shall be contacting the RSPCA at the next available opportunity.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
I.
Am Not.
A Lawyer.
 

---

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :
 
And you think that's a sufficient post? I'm not a lawyer either. Neither is my one year old baby or my guinea pig. So what? Please have the grace to be clear and comprehensible, if you wish to post. We don't all want to wade through a sea confusing posts that are empty, light, and useless like old styrofoam restaurant take-away containers.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
'k, the reason we have a landfill problem nowadays it that people think styrofoam isn't useful. You can do all kinds of things with styrofoam before you just chuck it in the trash. You can make shrinky-dinks with it. SHRINKY-DINKS, for God's sake! Consider your options before you dismiss your trash, I'm just saying.
 

---

Posted by Yam-pk (# 12791) on :
 
A LAWYER?

Listen Smudgie, if we didn't have LAWYERS, would anyone be there to defend the innocent British badgers from their impending gassing and shootings, would there have been Nelson Mandela and, dare I say, even Mother Theresa, without the services of a good honest plucky attorney? I don't think so! So when people start talk about NOT being lawyers, just thank your lucky stars you're never on Columbo or one of those American court-room dramas, or you'd become a sold-out Robin Reliant-style three-wheeled conveyance with wigs and gowns, hammering a gavel in your sleep against a writ...

[ 13. September 2013, 18:44: Message edited by: Yam-pk ]
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
(aside to Gwai) I guess we just don't rate. I guess yummypuk feels like he can just pick or choose who he responds to on this thread, rules be damned. I guess noticing the presence of such pariah as us would fatally cripple his prestige. Seriously, someone needs to get off his high horse.
 

---

Posted by Yam-pk (# 12791) on :
 
(aside to Kelly) Look, if my stupid computer had actually bothered to respond and the delete facility had worked when I'd have gladly deleted the deletable <expletive deleted>
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Our Lord prayed for an excuse like that....
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 

Addendum to the rules: When a post is so utterly devoid of any redeeming quality, one may ignore the post and focus on a previous post.
On further review, this would disallow most of you, so I suppose we must respond.
Yam-pk, A computer cannot be smart. They are not (yet) truly thinking beings. A computer cannot, therefore, be dumb. The second statement leads me to conclude, despite the gibberish you post, you are indeed human. Or some semblance thereof.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Translation of addendum: I am too lazy/ inept to come up with a viable response to Kelly's perfectly adequate, if not brilliant one-liner, therefore I will find an easier target.

Pitiable, really. If it weren't so offensive.

[ 13. September 2013, 22:45: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
So Buddsy gets to add to the rules on a whim? Is this prerogative reserved exclusively to the horny originator of the thread or is this a democracy? Do we or do we not have equal rights in this game?

But at least I think I'm getting the hang of the hidden rules now ... like how we all ignore PsychoBunny's posts.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
See, you think you are insulting me, but if you ignore my posts, I get to say stuff like "Below the Lansker is a sock-sniffing suppository-eater with an IQ hovering below room temperature" and get away with it.

But I wouldn't say anything like that, because I am a decent human being, which makes me an anomaly on this thread.
 

---

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
How can you joke about ignoring posts when the Royal Mail is about to be privatised? When posties are worrying about their jobs and the future of daily universal delivery in this country are hanging in the wind, I find your talk of ignoring them quite tasteless.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Sandwich Boy, you* are sooo adorable when you are being so naive!

This site is an organic democracy which is ruled to benefit the rabble as the rabble are not qualified to rule itself. Well, this is the sub-basement of the ship's insane asylum. (AKA, The Circus) As it is run by those voted Most Likely To Need Restraints, I am not sure the word rules fits vary well. Hmmmm, when the PTB make Bunny Foo Foo an ADMIN, perhaps the sanity is not a strong point of any of the lot.


*"you" being a general term for people, not you in specific, because, well, ewww!


Apologies, Dafyd, for inadvertently ignoring your post.

[ 14. September 2013, 21:51: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
I am totally offended by the suggestion that I am likely to need restraint.

I already have plenty of restraint.

Though the straps do allow me just enough range of movement to see the screen and move my fingers on the keyboard so thoughtfully positioned just within my reach.
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Smudgie:
I am totally offended by the suggestion that I am likely to need restraint.

I already have plenty of restraint.

Though the straps do allow me just enough range of movement to see the screen and move my fingers on the keyboard so thoughtfully positioned just within my reach.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Gee whiz. if we had a Lie-o-meter strapped to this thread, it would have short-circuited and blown everyone to hell after that masterpiece of codswallop. How stupid do you think we are?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Oh dear Kelly, I would never call you stupid. Such an uncouth word to use. And not very nice, after all, you have worked so diligently to raise yourself up, bless your heart.
And, it is fairly difficult to rate the intelligence of loon.., erm, the um, hmmmm. Aha! It is fairly difficult to rate those whose mental trains take an alternate track, those who play solo on a seesaw, are as balanced as an inebriated monkey riding a two wheeled tricycle backwards.

I had considered apologising for the cross-posts, but given their quality....

---

lilBuddha: You certainly seem to know all the euphemisms for half-wittery. My, my, my. It offends me, it does. You left out the following: "The porch light is on, but nobody's home", "You're one taco short the combination platter", "You've got three wheels on the road and one in the sand", and, "You're not the sharpest knife in the drawer". I expect you to learn these perky little kiss-offs and use them in your next semi-intelligent post.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Don't expect poor lillyB to compose a semi-intelligent post.
As a teacher, I believe all targets set should be at least achievable.
You are setting poor B up for yet more failure.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
 

---

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
That's horribly militaristic. Speaking of targets encourages people to think of life as a rifle range and thereby encourages gun violence and the support of gun violence. I think we should all know better than to employ such language especially if we regularly work with impressionable and innocent young children.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
You used derivatives of the words "horrible" and "military" in the same sentence, a deliberate attempt to offend me as the proud youngest offspring of a beloved father who fulfilled his duty serving king and country in the war. My father was not horrible, thank you very much, and he knew how to keep his boots polished.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Innocent young children, Dafyd? Innocent children?! There are no innocent children, you poor, deluded fool. You think the toy you tripped over was accidentally placed? Oh, no sir, 'twas not. But it begins earlier than this, it begins before birth. The larval parasite saps its mothers strength directly whilst depriving her of restoring rest. It attacks her partner by altering her moods and thought process, attempting to drive a wedge between.
Divide and conquer.
After it crawls forth from the womb, the assault continues. It still sucks life directly from the mother whilst continuing its campaign of grinding away the health, sanity and pair bond of its host parents.
Not unlike the cuckoo.
You think the midnight cries, the "fussy" bairn making even the simplest tasks hell are merely hunger? Hunger to drain your life! You imagine the timing of the wee menaces crawl across your path just as you begin your decent of the stairs random? You think it cries for its tricycle crushed beneath your auto? No, it cries because the frame did not become entangled and sever your bakes lines!
When they become older, and therefore more likely to be suspect, the campaign continues on a more subtle level. The slow, but sure, drain of your health, faculties and financial resources. Continually distracting you with maddening behaviour so you do not become aware. You think the switches between angel and devil, between sensible and foolish random?
And, much like the Sacculina, they implant the desire to produce more of them.
Look around you, how many you see are true adults and how many adult children?

From the prophet M.J. Bennell:

quote:

---

Listen to me! Please listen! If you don't, if you won't, if you fail to understand, then the same incredible terror that's menacing me WILL STRIKE AT YOU!

---

 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
What in hell is lilBuddha nattering on about? My goodness, his/her blithering is certainly offending me. I wanted a bit of light banter, not a college thesis about who knows what.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Apologies, sweetie. I hadn't realised the number in your name was an IQ reference.
 

---

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
Bake lines, LilBuddha? Bake lines? Are you trying to imply that Smudgie or I or anybody else in this thread eats too much cake?
Better to eat too much cake than to be perpetually grumpy on some faddy diet is what I say.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
You've been and gone and done it again, lumping me in with you in the cake-consumption stakes.

(as if I'd dream of sharing my cake with you!)
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Again? How many times have you and Dayfid had the cake consumption conversation? OMG-- are you importing a private dispute???

I'm tellin!
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
That you would resort to calling in other instead of dealing with the problem here and now, Kelly.... This will win you no new friends. I cannot afford to keep paying people to associate with you. You know, because they cannot appreciate how odd, erm, I mean strange, um, special you are.
The penguin performance did you no favours in that regard. There were penguins begging to be eaten by seals to break the association. And you've dealt with our penguin, so you know how low their standards are.
Gosh, this might appear to be insulting, it isn't meant to. It is meant to be true.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
And I gave the penguin stick away. Which is a shame, because someone is clearly asking to get a good old penguin time-step performed right on their face.

So, you are not above mocking events done for charity, are you? I bet your the sort of chick who goes around slapping the red noses off of people around Comic Relief time. I also think you owe Simon a hefty donation as penance.

Running your post through word count, I put it at £106, for each unkind, heartless utterance you posted.

[ 16. September 2013, 23:50: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

---

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
And I gave the penguin stick away. Which is a shame, because someone is clearly asking to get a good old penguin time-step performed right on their face.

So, you are not above mocking events done for charity, are you? I bet your the sort of chick who goes around slapping the red noses off of people around Comic Relief time. I also think you owe Simon a hefty donation as penance.

Running your post through word count, I put it at £106, for each unkind, heartless utterance you posted.

---

Really, Kelly, didn't you get enough fawning in Styx for your song-and-dance routine? Must we have you trawling the Circus for yet more compliments? Needy, needy, needy.

There are other posters here, you know.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Who brought it up? Did I bring it up? Look for yourself, who brought it up? Huh? Who?

Do not "j'accuse" moi*.

*Don't yell "I accuse" at me, or something like that. Hell, Google it.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
That is an affront to French. Nay, an affront to language itself, therefore an affront to being human. Though, given your "proficiency" in English; it is commendable, if overly ambitious, that you attempt another.
 

---

Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
So to be human is to speak French or English is it? Well, every day I learn something new about elitism and how it it manifests itself here in the circus.
I am offended on behalf of those people, yes human beings who do not speak either of those two languages. Have you ever travelled beyond your own country? Well I have!
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
That's right, brag about your expensive foreign holidays, why don't you? You just had to manoeuvre the conversation to get in that little dig about your comparative wealth. Here's me, stuck on my iceberg, frantically saving, but somehow even Easyjet refuses to accept accumulated herring as payment for a trip to the Costa del Sol. I try to remain patient and stoic, but then you come along and rub my beak in my poverty and lack of opportunity.


 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Smudgie:
... Easyjet refuses to accept accumulated herring as payment for a trip to the Costa del Sol.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Smudgie:
Are you totally incapable of reading for meaning or are you deliberately and oh so offensively skim reading my posts and just seizing upon random words which you can manipulate to fit your own choice of meaning. [I assume you meant "?"]

---

Youcan hardly fault someone for ignoring the blatant pity mongering for the offensive subtext you surely knew would bite and sting everyone who read it.You don't fool me,beaky.

As for you Alicia-- FRESH MEAT! FRESH MEAT!
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Kelly, I'm vegan.* There is to be no meat here. Don't you know that fresh meat is fresh MURDER, speciesist?

*Temporarily
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Oh, WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!

And how dare you inflict a temporary moral code on the rest of us, although I am very happy you've apparently found yourself a nice Adventist girl.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
lilBuddha looks at all the lines. Which to skirt and which to cross?

You are happy Ariston has only found temporary companionship? You wish to see him suffer in the future? Or are you happy his intended will eventually escape? Either way bodes ill for our little clown. Shame on you Kelly!
In any case, vegans and vegetarians have naught to fear from this thread so far, there has been so little meat in the posts.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by lilBuddha:
lilBuddha looks at all the lines. Which to skirt and which to cross?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by lilBuddha:
And why is this troubling or offensive? If you are suggesting Ariston's object of affection put a ring on his penis, this is to be lauded.* It would serve both the practical and symbolic. It is offensive that you would wish to enforce your outdated, old fogey mores.


*If one is into that sort of thing.

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I'm offended, shocked, outraged, grieved, embarrassed and a whole raft of other adjectives that you would mention a penis. This is a Christian website, don't you know?
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Oh, try not to be such a hothouse flower.

Here's some aversion therapy.

(NOT SAFE FOR WORK UNLESS YOU TURN THE SOUND OFF!)

(God, Jennifer Beals makes me question my sexual preference. )

[ 18. September 2013, 03:10: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
With the hallucinogen fueled, deodorant-free, multi-species orgies, I had thought all San Franciscans had loose species/gender/sanity associations. It is not your sexuality you need to question, but your tenuous grip on reality.* Now, let us slip you into your nice jacket and get you back to your room.


*Not for your Jennifer Beals infatuation, she is genuinely drool-worthy.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Now that you have woven your lovely little tapestry of stereotype, please be informed that the multi-species stuff is happening in North Carolina. It is always advisable to get one's facts straight before one shoots off one's gigantic blathering cakehole.

I am so not providing a link on that one, just trust me. If you get HuffPost on your news feed, you already know.
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Excuse me, that's my room you posted a picture of and I'm definitely not sharing with a rabid rabbit. I paid for a single and I'm bloomin' well going to have a single.


Oh yeah, that's right bunny-girl, sneak your post into my rightful place on this thread just like you're trying to sneak your little pompom tail into my nice clean padded des-res.

[ 18. September 2013, 06:02: Message edited by: Smudgie ]
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
See if I ever tapdance for you again, you two-toned feathered ingrate.

And I'm not rabid. I always froth at the mouth when faced by painful idiocy. It does not surprise me that you in particular have seen it. Heck, the mere sight of your name does it for me. Can't tell you the cost in keyboard replacement.

And my pom-pom tail has SCORES of admirers, for your information.

[ 18. September 2013, 06:05: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Most would not advertise there high "score" count quite so loudly. But then, you never did have standards...
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Oh, I so hate it when people who purport to speak our glorious tongue are so ignorant about basic homophones such as their, they're and there.
 

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Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Some people are so quick to take an opportunity to criticise rather than an opportunity to teach. A helpful little lesson of explanation could have been given of the homophones concerned but no, you just choose to throw insults.
 

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Posted by uffda (# 14310) on :
 
I'm offended that you would drag homophones into this conversation. Do you want to see this thread shipped off to Dead Horse territory?
 

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Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Uff, I'm horrified that you should so ignorantly suggest that Drag-Homophonites should be taken to the Dead Horse cemetery. Your views are provincial and out-of-date. Try to keep up! Dress is a matter of personal choice.
 

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Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 

quote:

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Your views are provincial and out-of-date.

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I am from Canada, where it is a glorious, time-honoured tradition for people to identify as residents of a province, for purposes of bashing the federal government, other provinces, or Canada as a whole. "Goddam Ottawa, always sticking it to [whatever province the speaker is from] and sucking up to [whatever province the speaker doesn't like]." I daresay there are no Canadians who wouldn't warm to the general feeling conveyed in that prose hymn.

And you call this "out of date"? You might as well just call hockey and the maple leaf out of date.

[ 18. September 2013, 17:12: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
It didn't take long to find something offensive in your post. Just the first clause was enough.
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
Care to elaborate, Tweetie? Not everyone frequenting this board has my reading and interpretative skills, especially when they are given so little on which to exercise their capacities. I know what you are getting at, obviously, but not everyone contributing to this thread is able to rein in the tangents or concentrate on the essence of your distilled wisdom. (I mean, just look at the stuff PsychoBunny has inflicted upon us ). It is a truth universally acknowledged that brevity is the soul of wit, but you are clearly the exception that proves the rule.
 

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Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
How can you dismiss the sufferings of our fellow creatures by using the phrase 'rein in'? Don't you know the cruelties to which horses are subjected in the cause of so-called 'riding'? Ever heard of bits? Or spurs? How would you like to have a metal rod stuffed in your mouth and your sides pricked? How would you like to be ridden to death? I hope you're reincarnated as a donkey and then you'll find out.
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
You are so blinkered, aren't you?
Haven't you gathered that BtL is already a bit of an ass?
 

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Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Now you're insulting asses. Have you nothing better to do than throw insults around all day?
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Have you SEEN how much this thread means to people? It even got BtL back on board! I'm offended you'd imply that any of us actually have anything better to do!
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
You say getting BtL back on board as though that's a good thing. That is both naive and presumptuous. I don't know whether to pity you or to be offended. But seeing as this is the Circus rather than All Saints, I'll go for the latter option.
 

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Posted by Cthulhu (# 16186) on :
 
SILENCE, MORTALS! YOUR INSIPID PULING AFFRONTS ME TO THE TIPS OF MY TENTACLES. PITY? THEY WHO LOOK ON THE BLOODIED HUSKS OF HUMAN FLESH THAT REMAIN ON THIS THREAD WILL PITY THE INSIGNIFICANT BIPEDS WHO INCURRED MY WRATH!

(and seriously, does not Ms. Beals maintain a Bacall-esque level of grace and dignity as she recites every word for penis in the English language? Several probosci are quite erect right now.)
 

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Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
I have no wish to know about the state of your probosci, thank you very much. That sort of thing (or those things) really shouldn't be discussed in polite society, or indeed any sort of society. At least, that's what my parents told me.
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Oh, go learn to think for yourself, rather than dragging your mother into everything. I agree that it was tasteless, even for an elder god, and the less I have to think about anything's throbbing desperate tumescence the better, but that's because I know it's bad.

Me. Not anyone else. Me.
 

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Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
There you go, making it all about you and what you think. Did your mother never teach you to take others' views into consideration? So that you don't give offence?
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Some of us don't have to be taught. Some of us are capable of discerning the universal moral law.

Also, think of the orphans! What would you say to those who had no mothers, hmm?
 

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Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
There you go, reminding us of Oliver Twist and Little Orphan Annie and the Little Match Girl and all the other so-called characters whose cutesy antics attempt to provoke sickening clouds of sentimental tears from any reader rash enough to go near Victorian literature. Now I'm going to have to go and find the brain bleach.
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
So you accord Oliver Twist the dignity of his own name, whilst bestowing the demeaning 'little' on Orphan Annie and that heroine of late Victorian commercio-capitalist enterprise, Match Girl!!! Do you not realise how aintiquated this makes you sound, how mysoginistic, how totally unreconstructed? Drag yourself into the modern age, please, and don't sully the board with the very Victorian attitudes you so lamely attempt to critique.
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
I be mightily offended by the lot of ye! 'Tis International Talk Like a Pirate Day and none here be participatin'
I be affixin' a plank to the ship's larboard and ye'll do me the courtesy of walking off it. If ye scurvy dogs make me stagger away from me ration o' rum and poke yer barnacled backsides to do it, I will. But, as punishment, I'll be recitin' Ariston's love poetry* at ya 'til yer ears sink below the water. And I'll be throwin' in copy sos Davy Jones can continue.
Ya poxy buggers!


*Overheard, not directly received, just to be clear. Arrrrr.
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by lilBuddha:
... make me stagger away from me ration o' rum and poke yer barnacled backsides ...

---

... and we're the poxy buggers? I think the veil has been lifted on your proclivities, Horny, and it's not a pretty sight ...
 

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Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
Poxy buggers, talk like a pirate day? Do ninjas have a talk like a ninja day? Of course not. They don't need one. Pirates need a day on which everybody talks like them in order to protect them from their awareness of their own inadequacy, but ninjas are just naturally superior. And of course silent and deadly.
 

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Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
I'll tell 'ee what Pirates need; they need to pitch and hit, or the Bucs won't be playing ball come October.

C'mon the Burgh!

[ 19. September 2013, 20:56: Message edited by: Sioni Sais ]
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I refuse to spend the entire day talking like Sean Parker. Do you know what that douche did to Big Sur?


(and Cthulhu, as much as I agree about Beals's class, how can you talk about Bacall when the obvious comparison is Pola Negri?)

[ 20. September 2013, 04:01: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Pirates may have been murdering, bloodthirsty thieves but that is a pretty low comparison.
As far as Pola, phroar, but Bacall's voice, oh my. Oh. My.
Shame on you Kelly! Making making me drool on my keyboard and erm, well, we will leave it at that.

Side note. So Cthulhu is what you call the other voice in your head? Well, one of the other voices. Hmm, what are the others called, I wonder?
 

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Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
I just hoped you cleaned your keyboard dear after drooling all over it! Don't you know that's how germs are spread?
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
You are aware that this modern hyper obsession with germs has lead to the oversterilization of our public spaces, and thus to supergerms? You know, supergerms, germs that have been hit by so many varieties of hand gels, counter sprays, antibiotics, liquid soaps, and doorknob-rinses that they are sublimely resistant and our immune systems cower before them?

Thank you for your contribution.
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
Hunni-bunni, your whole post smacks of a bobtail mired in the depths of denial. All this talk of supergerms and immune system malfunction is a carefully mounted smokescreen to divert attention from the plethora of dustballs and mould patches that adorn (or, as you would no doubt say, "add character") to your fetid little burrow. Pick up your scourer and break open the bleach, and join the rest of us in a bright new tomorrow. After all, as I learned in Sunday School, cleanliness is next to godliness.
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Have you been ripping pages out of the dictionary again? There should be pages and pages of words starting with the letters D to F. Have you been smoking them again?
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
What's with the again again - I am aware that flightless birds have limited vocabulary but...
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
How dare you suggest penguins cannot fly! Haven't you heard of the power in one's dreams?
Dreams are all she has!
Birds are graceful, beautiful, wonderful define creatures; who daily soar above the mundane. But Smudgie is a penguin, so at least allow her to pretend!
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
How cruel of you to point out Tweetie's limitations and the implication that all she has are her dreams of soaring with the eagles, whilst her somewhat dumpy, rotund form remains tethered to mundane reality. Just because she may be somewhat lacking in height and blessed with a capacious girth, this does not mean that she cannot attain great feats of speed and grace whilst launching herself off the ice-floes, her little flippers gaily flapping as she breasts the waves. Do not allow your mind to be limited by stereotyped views of avian fauna, but rather allow yourself to see the virtues of the, shall we say, alternatively blessed.
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Certainly, remind the poor dear about the freezing conditions she lives in by mentioning ice floes. And launching herself into the sea? What of the leopard seals waiting below to devour her? Not to mention killer whales, sharks,....

And "breasting" the waves? I'll thank you not to perv on our poor penguin!
She is a mountain of depravity without your help.
 

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Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
And why should our poor penguin not be 'perved' over as you so indelicately put it? Should the beautiful plumage of the penguin not be appreciated, even as her sister the peacock?

Too cold, lilBuddha, too cold.

[ 21. September 2013, 22:49: Message edited by: ArachnidinElmet ]
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I kind of agree, actually, but where do YOU get off addressing Smudgie as your sister? Have you put the hours in? Has she kicked your ass 3,765 times on Facebook Scrabble? If not, you can only hope to be a cousin or something.

And what the hell is the "rhubarb triangle"? Talk about pervy....
 

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Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Must you really stoop to mocking someone's location name, Bunny? Especially since it's a real region named after a real [albeit disgusting] foodstuff, rather than an obscure 80s lyric?
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Was that a heightist comment I saw there, Mamacita? I know our Kelly is somewhat challenged in the sense-of-humour department, but that's no reason to make pointed comments about her having to stoop when her nose is about as close as you can get to the ground to start with. You can afford to be a bit more generous to our vertically-challenged fluffball.
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Vertically-challenged? You use this heightist euphemism while challenging heightism?
This, Madam, is sad. Very, very sad. We are normal height, unlike these pituitary freaks, these throwbacks to Gigantopithecus. Cater not to these two-legged, spotless giraffes; these shaved Sasquatch; these tall people.
 

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Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
Are you saying that sad is a bad thing? Isn't that just typical of this shallow instant gratification generation? As has been said, sad is like happy for deep people.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
You are so right, Dafyd. We are so encouraged to put on a false front and hurry through our traumas, that we never get to truly feel our feelings.

For instance-- I feel oppressed and harried that, of all quotes you had to throw around, you chose one that has been thrown around about 575 times on these boards. How much am I to endure? I mean, we all love Kerri Mulligan, but come on.
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Oh, you need mulligans now, do you? What happened to playing honestly without any sort of do over? Are we children?
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
Buddsy, is the rhetorical question the only discursive device in your somewhat paltry armoury? Three in a row can be considered overkill, you know. And although it may be somewhat simplistically stated that a rhetorical question is one that is asked without expectation of an answer, your final question begs a suitable riposte. Are we children? Clearly, some of us are. And who, pray tell, is Kerri Mulligan? Flaunting your acquaintance with the great philosophers de nos jours might be considered a form of vanity.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
who... who.. WHO IS KERRI MULLIGAN???



SHE'S SALLY SPARROW, YOU MORON!
 

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Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Below the Lansker:
Flaunting your acquaintance with the great philosophers de nos jours might be considered a form of vanity.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
who... who.. WHO IS KERRI MULLIGAN???



SHE'S SALLY SPARROW, YOU MORON!

---

Hunni-Bunni, did no-one ever tell you that when it comes to smilies, less is more?
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
And did anyone ever tell you that a petty allegiance to meaningless mores is a sign of a small mind?

Sorry, did I use too many big words there? I'll simplify it. Don't tell me what to do. There, all one syllable.

ETA

ETA2: Dont' jump around in line.

[ 24. September 2013, 23:40: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Good God, Bunbun, all that yellow-green, all that animation, all that pointless contrarianism.
Are you really necessary?
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
...

You. You. monochromatic, duplicitous traitor. How you manage to be two-faced and monochromatic is a wonder. But then every word out of your mouth is a wonder-- a wonder of churlish abuse.

As for that last-- my eyes are opened. I am Linus, you are my Lucy. She, too wished Linus had never been born. The theological implications are staggering.
 

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Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
Linus. Lucy. My God, you are actually resorting to references to the comic strips!!! How low can you get? How I miss the old days on Ship of Fools -- the neiges d'antan, if you will -- when high-minded posters came and went, talking of Michelangelo.
 

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Posted by uffda (# 14310) on :
 
I can tell that, never having met you, except on these pages, you should not remind us of last year's snow but rather souffleuses à neige de l'année dernière, as it is apparent you are better at blowing than snowing.

And thank you, dear Smudgie, for your complimentary tone. I shan't take it too seriously however, because you're most likely sharpening your beak, after thinking you've softened me up.
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Royboy,
You complain of cartoon yet speak of ninja turtles.
And Uff dear, I would complain of your not translating that bit of French if it weren't a greater crime that you do not translate your words of English.
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
I take offense at your offensive junior hosting.
Don't you know that's my job?
Not junior hosting.
Senior hosting.
Don't you see the grey hairs adorning my head as a badge of honour?
And you lot - quit with the horrendous showing off of your rudimentary grasp of forrin languages. It's a sign you don't know what you're talking about when even you can't translate it.

(Spot the hostly comment there without making the effort to clamber onto the hosting rock and wave a hostly herring in the air? Remember that the rules apply even here, won't you? Translation needed if you're going to try to impress us with your French)
 

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Posted by uffda (# 14310) on :
 
Duly chastised, I will simply say that, not being an aficionado of the French language myself, I was intrigued by Roybart's "neiges d'antan." I'm afraid I exposed it to my Bing translator only to discover that it referred to "last year's snow." Using the same translator, I wondered what "last year's snowblower" would sound like in French.
I have to admit it did sound better in French, yet I left a clue.

Sad to say, the pointed beak of the bird has struck, and very nearly wiped my avatarish smirk right off my face. I'm tempted to say "Au revoir!" but I will, in deference to that pesky penquin simply say: "See ya later!"
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
You know what's cruelest about all that? You're using Google Translate to make yourself look smarter. The translator is to be used only to check your work in languages you already speak near-perfectly—indeed, it's great at showing places you're likely to screw up, because it already has—but only for this. Here you go adding to the impression that everyone here speaks French, when, really, none of you do.

Jerks.
 

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Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
Well, don't think I didn't catch your hamfisted allusion to The Waste Land, Ariston. Google first, then cannibalize, seems to be your default mode. This is a Christian site. Stealing other people's material and showing off is NOT Christian. Try a little honesty and humility. Come to think of it, try a little silence. Most of all, stop calling the rest of us "Jerks." That pun is bad, even in Ugro-Finnish).

[Edited to correct mistypings that were due to my outrage at Ariston's post.]

[ 25. September 2013, 15:00: Message edited by: roybart ]
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
roybart, allow me to offer you some timely and well-intentioned advice: you won't get far in this game by picking fights with Psycho-bunny and Lil' Tweetie and then adding insult to injury by calling Ariston a bit of a porker - 'hamfisted allusion' indeed. A little more respect for our beloved Hosts and Admins, please, comme il faut. Modesty forbids me from setting myself on a pedestal as a model of propriety and sportsmanship in the game, but you really could do worse than follow my example.
 

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Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
Oooops!
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
"ooops", what? Are you really gonna let him talk to you that way? Grab hold of your gonads and fight like a man!

You can borrow my axe is you wish.
 

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Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
Sorry, I sometimes have difficulty picking up the SofF tone and comprehending the SofF culture. What I WANTED to say was:

You had me going for a minute, Below the Lansker. I actually imagined, when you showed up univited at my front door, flashing your indecipherable I.D., that you might be an agent of the Higher Ups (the ones who know the Unwritten Laws around here, which have precious little to do with the Ten Commandments that they keep telling us to read).

That bedraggled trench coat and battered trilby should have warned me. Now I see you for what you are, a pretentious thug trying to intimidate me while pretending to be my friend. Good Cop/ Bad Cop all in one.

I strain for invective susfficient to put you in your place.

Here goes: I am ... VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
roybart, you really must learn to trust your gut instincts - if an agent of the Higher-ups is what you think I am, then an agent of the Higher-ups is what I am. Indeed, I do not know the Unwritten laws, I am the Unwritten Law - that of good breeding, impeccable taste, correct grammar and perfect typing (unlike Cuddle-Bunny - 'you can borrow my axe is you wish' - I mean, come on). You see those grey letters under her name - ADMIN? They were paid for - it's the elephant in the room - no-one talks about it, but we all know it's there all the same.
 

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Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
Dear me, BtL. You are neither God nor Clint Eastwood. If you are the Unwritten Law, then why are you written down, hmm, hmm?

And ‘Cuddly Bunny’? Please keep your perverse plushy-lite leanings to yourself.
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
BtL is not Clint Eastwood?


 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Do we really need such an excess of lacrymose moisture? Isn't it just a tad over the top particularly when we ponder whether penguins can actually cry?

Be kind to the electrons and limit your smilies, please.
 

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Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
Isn't that just negativist. Why should the negative particles get all the attention. Here are the protons sending out positive vibes to us all, and do they get any love and attention for it? Any respect? Not at all. As usual the grease is applied to the squeaky wheel not to the most deserving.
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
You keep repeating that dumb proverb about squeaky wheels getting grease, and, even if inadvertently, perpetuating the culture of entitlement.

'Round here, the squeaky wheel gets replaced.
 

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Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
It's sad that we seem to be moving towards a throw-away culture. Why replace what can be fixed with a little oil. Will no one think of the good of the planet.
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
"It's sad that we seem to be moving to a throwaway culture" - well, boo-hoo, Spidey We haven't all got time to squander our me-time a-weepin' and a-wailin' about squeaky wheels and empty oil-cans. And what is it with your aversion to question marks? Some of us work hard to maintain high standards of style and accuracy in language and punctuation; others of us attain those high standards without undue effort.
If you want to think of the good of the planet, just think about me: I'm good and I live on the planet.
 

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Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Below the Lansker:

If you want to think of the good of the planet, just think about me: I'm good and I live on the planet.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pearl B4 Swine:
"Please God, make it stop"

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariston:
Have you never heard of empathy, and that it's best shared by mailing board moderators bottles of HP Sauce ?

---

We are fortunate: we have several branches of Tesco here on the west coast and we had it on our steaks last night!
 

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Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
There you go again, Sir Kevin. Blathering on and on and on about killing animals and eating their flesh. Is there nothing on God's good earth that will not make you obsess about biting into rank, blood-soaked meat? I agree with Dafyd, who rightly protests the homo sapiens and carnivore biases on this thread. (And don't think I didn't notice your fawning reference to Tesco. Are you on their payroll, or what?)
 

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Posted by uffda (# 14310) on :
 
roybart, I hope you haven't tired yourself out by jumping to conclusions the way you do. It was clear from Sir Kevin's post that he was lopping off branches of the Tesco tree (thereby dis-arming them), I suppose in an attempt to add fiber to his diet. I know it sounds strange, but Sir Kevin lives in a place where strange things happen every day.

[ 28. September 2013, 13:34: Message edited by: uffda ]
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I am not in the least surprised, given your track record, but I am hurt that you think the strange things that happen in Sir Kevin's life are more noteworthy than the strange things that happen in my life!
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
But WW, there none other than things strange your life.
There are some that I dare not contemplate much less type. Some that would shock even the libidinous, hedonistic, maniacal, deviant, fog soaked kharagōśa.
Running the Main Street in town, wearing naught but an over-sized onesie with strategic cut outs, a courgette up both nostrils pursuing a terrified elephant.
This part, I can describe. But as to why the elephant was terrified....... shudder
Took four battle-scarred warriors to tell me the story, none could could manage a complete recitation without psychiatric intervention. Upon hearing the tale, I blacked out. Woke a month later running a green grocers in Kiev.
And you wish to torture our poor shippies with more?

[ 28. September 2013, 17:33: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
" fog-soaked kharagōśa." How poetic.

Once again, the thread is sidetracked with your your lurid lucid dreaming-- apparently peyote-fueled, from the look of things.

Look, I told you before-- that summer in Belize will always be enshrined in my memory, but a couple of margaritas and a coconut oil rubdown is nothing on which to base a lingering infatuation. It's time to move on, sweetheart.


 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Pics or it didn't happen.
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
You would explode.

ETA: I mean your head would explode.

ETA_rev-b: I mean your cranium would explode.

[ 29. September 2013, 06:10: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Preview Post Is Your Friend.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Oh shut up, Johnny Rules lawyer. Like you never made a typo or ten.
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
I have been counting Ariston's typos and I have to say that your insinuation that he made either one typo or ten typos is highly misleading. He has made far far more than that.
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
Bun-buns and Tweetie, I'm ashamed for you both. Rather a case of two little pots calling the Ariston kettle black when you two start hurling accusations regarding accuracy in typing, or to extend your insinuations, grammar or linguistic savoir faire, don't you agree? We all know that there is only one person participating in this thread who has any right at all to offer suggestions and helpful hints when it comes to shortcomings, whether moral or linguistic. However, modesty forbids...
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
WW! I am ashamed of you.
I had heard* the code of the asylum was to look after each other! Yet you permit sandwich boy to wander unsupervised. Come get your cell, erm, roommate.


*at least this is what Ariston says. I tell him to keep his "poetry" in his head, but noOOooo, he thinks the world needs to hear it. Then he is hauled to the psychiatrist for evaluation, hooked up for shock therapy and, oh wait, he does it a purpose,** doesn't he? He likes the shock therapy.

** to clarify, his ramblings are insane. However, it seems his forebrain is developed just enough to connect the public recitation with the electrodes.
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
You're ashamed of me?

How do you think I feel over here wallowing in a cesspool of guilt? Pile it on why don'tcha? Tell the world what a despicable person I am!

Is it medication time yet?
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
You really have no consideration for the working woman, do you? You order me to tell the world what a despicable person you are without any thought to other demands I might have on my time this afternoon. I have dishes to wash, dinner to cook, lessons to prepare, coffee to drink, cats to stroke and boys to nag, without finding time to write a 10,000 word essay!
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
... wallowing in a cesspool ...? Pile it on why don'tcha? ...

---

Do we really need this sort of talk on a Christian messageboard? And on a Sunday? I know Buddsy has a penchant for what is known as "dirty talk", but dear Wodders, you do lil Horny no favours by pandering to the lower nature. Remember that some of us have higher standards and strive to keep our minds out of the gutter.
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Ignore the bird, why don't you? Everyone else does.
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
BLT,

You would need a ladder to reach the gutter.
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
See!
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
( crickets)
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Oh. My. God.

The lazy, half-hearted, half-assed attempts at offense on this thread are killing me. We have standards to uphold. We have rhetorical magic to conjure. People are waiting anxiously for their bosses to leave the cubicle so they can click on this thread and see what genius we have produced.
CRICKETS???!!! Jesus H. Pedro in a hopped up Chrysler.

I mean it's not like you're the worst offender, LilBrat, but man, that was the last straw. Amp it up, people! If I wanted to piss around with one word sentences, I would be on the Mornington Crescent thread right now.
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
You dare compare that random word generation thread with this one!
Even the most low of us, pardon BtL, can muster better than that Alzheimer's delight of a thread.
You want creation, give me better materials to work with.
Micharlangelo needed more than wet sand.
 

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Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
Only God creates. To claim the word 'creation' for the pitiful artistic attempts of mortals is blasphemous idolatry. And even worse, you use the word for Michelangelo the apotheosis of decadent Western Roman Catholic painting. The only true art is when a holy Orthodox monk dedicates himself to icon painting only picking up his pen to make each separate brush stroke after a year of prayer and fasting.
 

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Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
Dafyd, I respectfully suggest that you emulate that excellent Orthodox monk you refer to -- moving slowly, thoughtfully, with extreme care, and with a concern for truth. In other words, don't jump so impulsively into topics you know nothing about. "Only God creates," indeed! This is confuted definitively in Jer 18:3. But perhaps you are one of those who doesn't "like" Jeremiah. Or, worse, has never heard of him.
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
That's right - import that facebook* rubbish onto this high quality website and lower the tone!

*I have heard rumours that "like" is a facebook "thing" - not that I ever frequent social networking sites like that. The Ship is the only one for me.
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Lower the tone!

Of all people who might talk about lowering the tone I never, ever thought that you would have the nerve!

Pots calling kettles right here, folks!
 

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Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
If I wanted to piss around with one word sentences, I would be on the Mornington Crescent thread right now.

---

I won that once and I used three-word sentences!
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
Kev, mate, a word to the wise. Boasting of your purported success on other less worthy threads in the Circus will not cut the mustard here. You are now among the creme de la creme. I acknowledge that it is highly tempting to take up the cudgels (or even the baseball bat) where Psycho-bunny is concerned, but let's face it, if we all spent our time pointing out her mistakes and gently putting her right, we would have precious little time to spend on more important matters. Admittedly, correcting her egregious errors whilst simultaneously pointing out your own superiority is, in a sense, quite smart, but I think you'll find that the more seasoned participants in this thread are on to your shabby stratagems.
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Look, Bunnymocking isn't fair. It isn't witty. It's not even hard. It's like kicking cute little puppies or setting fire to busloads of nuns—you know they're not going to fight back, so after a while, it just becomes dull, something you do out of habit more than because you still enjoy it. So let those of us whose appointed cross it is continue to bear it and drain our ink pointing out her faults (tsk tsk, you've let your axe go dull again), but only because Somebody's Got To Do It.

Our job. Not yours. Got it, delidweller?
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Why are you plumapomophesizing your posts by talking about "draining ink?" Or do you print out everything we post here? if so, I hope you delete out your posts so as not to waste ink.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of your useless posts-- I heartily invite you to feel the dullness of my axe. Any day of the week, mac.
 

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Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
Dullness of your ax? Dullness of YOUR ax?! Humph! Threatening violence? You offend me! And then, if threatening us isn't enough, you mention mac. I suppose you have some to-die-for macaroni and cheese recipe that you're flaunting? You won't share, that much is obvious. What's that offensive noise? Oh, that's me sobbing at the injustice of one Kelly Alves.
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Oh Mary, pulling the tears card is very offensive. Woman up and stand in hasenpfeffer's face. It is not the dullness of her axe which is offensive, but the her dullness of wit.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
People in glass asylums shouldn't throw the pottery they made in Occupational Therapy around.

(Now see? That was pristine, if I do say do. See what one can accomplish if they put their heart into it?
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Pristine? Like you'd know anything about that, wallowing about in your Crazyland like you do. And why would you suggest anyone would throw pottery? It's so lovely, so well-glazed, and you'd do something to break it, Philistine? For shame! Have you no sensitivity to beauty, no responsiveness to humanity's long-cultivated aesthetic sense? You probably have a whole collection of Thomas Kinkade prints hanging up in your house for all to see, don't you?
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Self agrandisement and then failing to close the parentheses - how are the mighty fallen! Perhaps English Grammar 101 would be a worthwhile, if tough, challenge.

[x-post with the washing machine person]

[ 01. October 2013, 02:51: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Oh, HELL no.

I see both those comments were directed at me-- what else is new, being a celebrity is so arduous-- so I'll skip over the annoying pettiness and go straight for the malicious libel.

THOMAS KINKADE???!!! I know where you live, punk, I saved that envelope! Take it back or your shot glass collection is history!!
 

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Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
All this obscure gobbledygook is an offense to the people who have to take time out of their busy lives to try to make sense of it. ALL of you are guilty! Guilty! Guilty!
 

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Posted by uffda (# 14310) on :
 
Why are you so up in arms, Bun Hun, about Thomas Kincade? Why after briefly perusing the Wiki article on him, I might nominate him for patron saint of the Ship! May I quote one disgruntled art dealer: "Most of my clients got involved with Kinkade because it was presented as a religious opportunity. Being defrauded is awful enough, but doing it in the name of God is really despicable."

The lot of you are always trotting out "I thought this was a Christian website," tripe. I say the spirit of Kinkade lives! Substitute the words "The Ship" for "Kinkade" in the above quote, and you'll see an apt description of the goings on here. That's why those of us whose virgin ears may become pregnant are duly offended!
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
What, are you the Queen of Hearts now? tossing guilty verdicts helter skelter into the air?
I'll have you know, if you are referencing Lewis Carrol and gobbledygook, Jabberwocky is the work you seek. Though, I do have to admit your accusation is correct. And this offends me greatly.

x-post with the lutefisk. Guess he heard gobbledygook and came running.

ETA: The only thing virgin about you, lefse-boy, is your left hand.

[ 01. October 2013, 03:20: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Well namaste to you, horny! Why you've been stalking our lefse slicer in his private moments of one man good time review (and even know he's not ambidextrous) is beside the current point. No, what's really offensive is that you forgot Hunting of the Snark. To ignore a work of world literature by one of England's finest mathematicians and set theoreticians ought to be beneath even you!
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
Time, I think for a quality moment, and upon whom should the lot fall but upon moi? This thread has now plumbed the depths of intellectual and moral turpitude when we have several posters (you know who you are ) discussing gobbledeygook through the medium of gobbledeygook. It's bad enough when people talk absolute nonsense without even realising it (pace Bun-buns, Tweetie, Buddsy, duffa, etc.), but I despair for the future of humanity when a formerly august presence on the thread (yes, you, Frigidaire) is dragged down into the lexical mudflats.
 

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Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
I fail to see how making comments on the intellectual and moral turpitude displayed on this thread is either helpful or accurate. It should be clear to all that further depths can easily be plumbed. Why limit yourself and us?
 

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Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
Don't you know that the word plumb means the use of lead pipes that carry water? You are effectively advocating lead poisoning. We didn't take lead out of petrol just so that we could damage vulnerable children's precious brains by reintroducing lead to pipes. Are you working for the petrol or the motor industry by any chance?
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
So you would bankrupt the lead industry simply to protect the filthy little disease vectors known as children? You are thinking it could damage their brains? You have obviously no experience with children, they are patently insane.
Wait a moment, I am rethinking this. Children are clearly unbalanced, but if we make them more so, where would we put them? The Circus needs only so many hosts....
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
If being mentally unbalanced is the necessary and sufficient qualification for hosting the Circus, then I think you just nominated yourself for Velodrome Marshal #4 there, Skeletor.
Be glad that the job also requires charm, panache, and wit, or at least a tolerance for reading about cricket few mortals possess.
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
If charm, panache, and wit are some of the essential criteria for any particular post please explain how a washing machine managed to qualify.
 

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Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Woddewick, I'm disappointed this didn't occur to you, re. your washing machine question. (Although I cant find any reference to "washing machine")
It depends on if it's a top-loader, or a front-loader.
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pearl B4 Swine:
although I cant find any reference to "washing machine")

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by lilBuddha:
...Seriously, girl, you need to work your attitude.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lucia:
Do you have to indulge in such anthropomorphism? I think you will find that the board itself is pretty silent, it cannot speak. It is a piece of software, not a living being.

A board on which English is written by its contributors would be more accurate.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by roybart:
Where do I begin? How do I dismiss, thee; let me count the ways.

---

Have you not heard, rhubarb, of punctuation? Are we to write here as if the question mark had never been invented or as if it were perfectly legitimate to separate a verb from its object with a comma? Once again, I am obliged (by my universally acknowledged noblesse et savoir-faire) to sally forth setting standards and establishing a model of behaviour for you all to emulate. Sweetness and light are my middle names.
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
It's time for a reformulation of Godwin's Law: rather than comparing someone to a Nazi means you've lost the argument, perhaps being a grammar Nazi means you've lost it. Is that the best we can do now, arguing not over the substance, but over nitpicky details that vary from one style guide to another? Is this the old ad homenem tomb whitewashed to make it acceptable to polite society? Is this just a reflection of the fact that grammar is easy, but philosophy and logic are not?

So stuff it up your sandwich hole, Baconator.
 

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Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
Below the Lansker: if you intend to pose as a punctuation expert, please read the appropriate entries in Strunk & White first. (And do so with more care than you have been applying to this thread so far.)

Ariston: why thank you for defending me. You make me want to forget lilBuddha's warning in the OP.

quote:

---

[W]hen addressing Ariston, use small words and easy references.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by roybart:
Below the Sweetness and Light Lansker : if you intend to pose as a punctuation expert, please read the appropriate entries in Strunk & White first. (And do so with more attention to accuracy than you have been demonstrating on this thread so far.)

Ariston: why thank you for defending me. You make me want to forget lilBuddha's warning in the OP.

quote:

---

[W]hen addressing Ariston, use small words and easy references.

---

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dafyd:
I shudder to think. I suppose they'll be measuring whimsy next.

---

quote:

---

What's it measured in? Whitehouses?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by roybart:
It may surprise you to learn that Peter Wimsey (note the correct spelling) is a FICTIONAL character.

---

I am shocked and outraged, rhubarb, that you do not observe the simplest and most basic rules of etiquette. The personage of whom you speak may be a fictional character, but he is a titled Lord, and should be spoken of as such. You speak of him as if he were your accountant.

 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
I will tell you my accountant is of greater importance to me than any Lord. A Lord is merely the descendent of a bully or boot licker. An accountant has earned their position. And they do more than idly lie about the landscape.
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I can't say I have noticed anyone lying about the landscape so far - what is the point of being stuck in the middle of urban sprawl and remarking how delightful it is to be in primary forest?
 

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Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
"Stuck in the middle of urban sprawl?" Some of us like city life, the wonder of good architecture, the curves of a city skyline, the history that rises up around you at every turn, the bustle of people coming and going, the evidence of successful industry, the cultural institutions, the rainbow of humans of many ancestries. You would demean such beauty, such liveliness?
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mamacita:
... the bustle of people coming and going... You would demean such beauty, such liveliness?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Below the Lansker:
Marmoset, some of us are endowed with the sort of statuesque physique which requires no further enhancement or adornment with the posterior padding that appears to be your Magnificent Obsession.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Oh, my ass.

---

Said I something amiss, Bun-buns?

 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
This is my favorite part of the game, when 1. someone either actually takes offense, or 2. thinks that someone is actually offended.

Weren't you talking about asses--- sorry, Ahrses--or did I get you all wrong?

Wouldn't be the first time.

I don't know how you all put up with me.

......

NOBODY LOVES ME!
 

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Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
Oh, Kelly Snookums! I looove you! Except that you're beating me in Scrabble AND "Angry Birds"!! Seriously, it's offensive how you can just waltz right in and start racking up these impossible to beat scores in a game that requires one to shoot birds at grinning green pigs! Oh, the humanity!

So, I love you but yet, I hate you. How intriguing, innit?!
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
I don't know how you all put up with me.

......

NOBODY LOVES ME!

---

Hunni-bunni, it's a Christian website - we're duty-bound to put up with you - crosses we have to bear and all that. But not only do we put up with you, we love you too. In the words of the cheesy chorus that did the rounds in the 70s ...

I love you with the love of the Lord,
Yes I love you with the love of the Lord.
If it weren't for grace,
I'd punch you in the face
But I love you with the love of the Lord.


 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
You remember songs from the '70s?
Goodness gracious I'd no idea what a greybeard you are. Here I am thinking you are a spotty-faced teen and find you are a spotty-arsed pensioner. I, of course, mean this with all due respect. Or as mum would say, "Let the codger have his moment, he's so few left."
 

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Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Your mother may have taught you this but she clearly failed to instill any respect into you for the senior members of society. You'll be old yourself one day... (probably - unless the Bunny with the axe gets you first or something)
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
I am offended you would think this. I was taught to have respect for my elders and I do. For you, I have loads of respect. Loads and loads and loads and...
 

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Posted by uffda (# 14310) on :
 
As long as we're sharing the love...

Lil B I do love your posts, I really do.
I love imagining what a scarred and twisted life you must have led, to make you work it all out on these posts, don't you know?
You can tell by my ever-present smirk, that I'm telling you the truth.

And Kelly, dear Bun, I love you too. We don't have much now, but we'll always have Luther.
 

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Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
I rather fear we have crossed a line here, duffa. Drawing our attention to Buddsy's "scarred and twisted life" (sick) is hardly conducive to edification, moral or otherwise. Definitely a case of "Don't even go there". As for what you may or may not have had with Bun-buns, well that is definitely a chapter of "Floppsy Bunny" that is best left unopened. Bring me the brain bleach now.
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
And how do you think poor Luther feels being shuttled back and forth between the two of you? Take care to not use him as your post tryst pawn.
There, there, Luther. Whose the good little Reformationist?

ETA: It is sic not sick when clarifying that you are merely repeating how something was written. And it is to appear within the quotes. Unless you were attempting to use the adjective sick. either way, a grammatical nightmare. Do try harder, võileib poiss.*


*Estonian for sandwich boy. Yes, Estonian! Do you know how many bloody languages use sandwich for sandwich?

[ 07. October 2013, 17:12: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
 

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Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
I'm still trying to fathom the significance of lilBuddha's pathetic attempt to impress us by punning in Estonian.

So, while I mull a proper Urgo-Finnish rejoinder, let me tell you all (in English) what really offends me about this thread -- i.e., the frequent use of patronizing, puerile, dim-witted, and demeaning nicknames for fellow Ship Mates.

I mean such terms as ... Hunni-bunni, Bun Hun, lefsy-boy, Tweetie, duffa, Buddsy, Buddhette, Sweetie, and two particularly sophomoric examples which have been used to insult me personally: rhubarb and Dude/ette.

I do get that these are attempts to be humorous. But isn't one of the key requirements for humor (among educated adults at least) that it actually be funny?
 

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Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
Unbelievable that you would raise the movie "Urgo" and decide that somehow the Finns were in on it, and worse misspell it. It is "Argo' and it was actually and truly a Canadian caper, which they turned into an American thing, and then you suggest Fins also were involved in this. How could you?!
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by roybart:
... let me tell you all (in English) what really offends me about this thread -- i.e., the frequent use of patronizing, puerile, dim-witted, and demeaning nicknames for fellow Ship Mates.

I mean such terms as ... Hunni-bunni, Bun Hun, lefsy-boy, Tweetie, duffa, Buddsy, Buddhette, Sweetie, and two particularly sophomoric examples which have been used to insult me personally: rhubarb and Dude/ette.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by lilBuddha:
In 44 hours and 61 minutes, this is all you managed?

---

Buddster, some of us have real lives to deal with and don't spend all of our time in our underwear glued to the computer monitor surrounded by empty pizza bozes, crushed lager cans and overflowing ashtrays. I find it quite touching that I am now being cyberstalked and at least one reader of these boards is hanging on my every word, and even counting the minutes before I post again.
 

---

Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
Sounds to me like someone ^ is upset that they have to tidy up once in a while and practice a discipline the rest of us call responsibility.
Boo hoo!
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
You know, if you are going to be offended and all, can you speak up and name names instead of aiming significant glances at people? How do we know what you mean? You might have an eyelash trapped under your lid or something.
 

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Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
quote:Originally posted by lilBuddha: In 44 hours and 61 minutes, this is all you managed?

BigBudda, do you really count time in increments of 61 minutes? Now, that's really different. What weird time-zone are you operating in? Wondering how you set your wake-up time. Hasn't your alarm clock exploded when you tried to set it to 6:61?

Pearlie - Amazed and offended
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Right, ignore the rules, why don't you? You're supposed to reply to that offensive frikkin' three-footed bunneh, not to some perceived slight to artificial pearls in front of plastic swine. Get with the program, people!

[ 13. October 2013, 04:02: Message edited by: Ariston ]
 

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Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
Ariston, Ariston, you're shouting again! Poor dear. You're a part-time street preacher, aren't you? How offensive. Please do have a sit down and a cup of tea, perhaps. You're getting in a dither about matters way above your pay grade.
 

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Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
Hey, Ariston, old buddy, old pal. I tried to send you a private message but your PM box is full. THAT is really offensive! In fact, that's more offensive than anything that has ever been offensive, in the entire history of the world.
 

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Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Certainly it is more offensive that you cross boards with post. There is a thread for full PM boxes elsewhere.
Even more offensive is that you would PM the parti-coloured appliance.
Most offensive is enough have to fill his inbox!
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Oh, I'll fill your inbox, baby...I mean, are you suggesting that I, the Star of the Ship, don't have any friends who write to me regularly? I'll have you know that I have lots of friends! Lots of them! And they love me! And they show it all the time! You should know that. You should all know that.
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Sounding a bit needy there Ariston. Who are you trying to convince, us or yourself?
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
There is no need to call attention to poor poor Ariston's neediness. I understand that the dear boy is an attention whore, but pampering to that deep need within him is undoing months of therapy which we have been funding in a valiant effort to help him see past the fact that he has no friends and focus on the things he does have instead (like incredibly clean washing).
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Dear boy?

Are you colluding with his delusions again? Surely all by now know that he is really a wizened old man, a relic of the worst of the 60s, when he was already middle-aged, now living in a drug fuelled fantasy world. We have been trying to help him back to reality whilst you, in your unthinkingness, are merely making matters worse.
 

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Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Weasel, this is a family website, one that's suitable for families. And families cannot be exposed to drug references. Next thing you know, the wee ones will be researching the family Cannabicidae, trying to work out the connections between the various genera of the rosid superfamily, then, before long, you've got a budding botanist on your hands. Do you know what the job prospects for people with doctorates in botany are these days? They're shit, just like everyone else's job prospects! Mustelid you may be, scent glands you may have, but, even for you, encouraging unemployment, overeducation, and attempts at spontaneous human photosynthesis Just Plain Stinks.
 

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Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
Over education? *gasp* Frankly I'm shocked at finding such an attitude on this board, an acclaimed seat of learning in some areas, and from someone who clearly knows their Mustelids from their elbow. As someone who went to university to study issues surrounding arthritis in cod and llama-hair textiles, I tell you that all knowledge is precious. What is the world coming to?

[ 14. October 2013, 13:51: Message edited by: ArachnidinElmet ]
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by ArachnidinElmet:
Over education? *gasp* Frankly I'm shocked at finding such an attitude on this board, an acclaimed seat of learning in some areas, and from someone who clearly knows their Mustelids from their elbow. As someone who went to university to study issues surrounding arthritis in cod and llama-hair textiles, I tell you that all knowledge is precious. What is the world coming to?

---

You should get him going about Armadillidiidae.

Also, if you are going to ask what the world is coming to, you could at least try to provide an answer. The rest of us don't like to be left dangling like that.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Kelly! Have you no shame? The way you speak of spherical, blue dangling objects, in reference to clown-boy.
Rub it in, why don't you?


Although if you did....
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Good God, you are the horny one. Is this descending back into hormone/mutual frustration fueled insanity again? Madam, I will not stand for that! This is a place of decorum. Of upright behavior. We have standards, which Shall Be Observed! There will be no double entendres here, not if I have anything to say about it!
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
Honestly. We're all adults here; I certainly don't think there was anything in lilB's post to get het up about. But of course, if you really want a double entendre I could give you one.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
really why should I have to contend with the crotchety mutterings of some opinionated arachnid when there is that gorgeous little wood louse to moon over?

It pays to know when you have duly been upstaged. It is kind of embarrasing to see someone in denial about it.

[ 14. October 2013, 22:14: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Beautiful little thing isn't it? Unfortunately, the colour is due to a virus.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Nice, Subtle. Huge fucking guilt trip. Did my mom send you?
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
Buddsy and Bun-buns, why is it that when the two of you meet on this thread, it automatically degenerates into a plethora of soi-disant "smart" one-liners? Could it be that you will both ignore the underlying philosophy of the game and post any old tosh in a vain attempt to attract attention to yourselves? It's clear to anyone with the merest smidgeon of perspicacity that your threadbare attempts at humour are intended to draw attention away from the one person on the thread whose posts are eagerly awaited, stopwatch in hand ...
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
I was going to complain about something, but that clear reference to Yours Truly and how much everyone enjoys my posts made that unnecessary. Thank you, Lord Sandwich. I'm glad somebody appreciates my efforts.

You may now reset your stopwatch.
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
Well, someone's got to break the embarrassed silence, so it might as well be me. I am offended at all of you for not immediately rushing in to validate our beloved Frigidaire in his need for affirmation. We should all be helping him to shore up his obviously crumbling self-esteem, even at the risk of reinforcing his delusions of competence. Where is your sense of social duty ... have none of you heard of care in the community?
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Below the Lansker:
Well, someone's got to break the embarrassed silence,

---

And I should have known that that person would be you, Mr. Lansker. So much for the efficacy of my prayers for you to shut up for a while. I confess to having had fantasies of you joining the Trappists and taking their vow of silence, which your confessor wisely expanded to include typing on the internet. But this was not to be. Offended, I am, of course. But sad and disappointed as well. May I suggest sign language -- the Trappists, I believe, have an excellent version -- as an alternative to posting here?

[ 18. October 2013, 22:41: Message edited by: roybart ]
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
BlT's very existence is offencive, yes. You missed his most recent offence, though in his defending the Appliance. Just recently in a beer thread, the refrigerator admits to liking Corona! Corona was never produced by Mexico for their own consumption, but as revenge for the United States' Invasion of Mexico. Proof positive it is not fit for drinking is that Anheiser felt it fit in their portfolio.
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
Discussing beer on a Christian website?
Clearly, you are all in dire need of the cleansing spiritual salve of Chick tracts to cure you of your bondage to the Demon Drink. Frigidaire and Buddsy, you have plunged even further in my estimation.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I am offended that you should think Frgidaire and Buddsy had plunged even lower - they were clearly at rock bottom already!
 

---

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
If that's not offensive to rocks, I don't know what is. Rocks are all around us being quietly useful. If it weren't for rocks we'd all tumble into the molten magma in the earth's core and burn to death.
Hug a rock today.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
If you are trying to imply that rocks rock then you are guilty of so many sins against the English language that I cannot even contemplate your penance!
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
The tautological impropriety is all your own, WW - go and wash your hands, please.
 

---

Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
I'm offended that no one has posted in a week!

Stick that one on your tautological rock & wash your fonts out with a dishwasher tablet.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Alicïa,

Pimple pops up from nowhere and erupts all over the otherwise clear thread and you must call attention. He pustulates the impropriety of our dear gaffer which is intolerable. Well, WW is fairly intolerable himself, but he cannot help being senile, decrepit and mouldy. And at his age needing to worry about a pimple! I am sure he has enough oozings and growths to occupy what is left of his mind.
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
lilBuddha: Your in-depth description of oozings and pustules popping has made me want to puke large chunks of semi-digested homemade chicken noodle soup all over my sweet Dell laptop computer and that offends me more than I can possibly say--but I will attempt to say it, all the same. Must you go on and on about trajectories of boiling pus shooting out of pimples? Are you attempting to regale us with your knowledge of dermatological flora? I have this sneaking suspicion that blackheads fascinate you.
 

---

Posted by Alban (# 9047) on :
 
Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, MARY!
How hideously offensive that you would attempt product placement on a pure and unsullied forum like this. Did you seriously think you'd get away with referring to your

quote:

---

sweet Dell laptop computer

---

without being called to task. And Dell? Not only does it rhyme with a bad place none of us would want to be called, but it ranked only 12th in a list of ethical laptop choices I hastily Googled. How could you sell out like this?

[ 27. November 2013, 17:46: Message edited by: Alban ]
 

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Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Hastily Googled eh? So you're not interested enough in being an ethical consumer to know this but just researched it so that you could get one up on another poster. Shame on you...
 

---

Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
I don't know what you have got against doing research, Lucia. I suppose you have an encyclopedia for a brain do you? Some of us have to find out about things we don't know, because we don't know, you know?
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
Alicia, I am appalled by your insensitivity. Surely you are familiar with Polymaths Disease, There are indeed people genetically formed so as to have encyclopedias in their brains. The effect of this is a never-ending cacophony of meaningless but highly detailed information. Combined with the inability to self-edit, this leads to constant spewing forth of said information in every possible situation, ruining relationships and usually resulting in social isolation, destitution and despair.

It is clear that Lucia is one of those rare victims of Polymaths Disease. Please, Alicia, have some compassion. This is, after all, a "Christian" discussion board. Amen.
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
And what, pray did Alicia do/say to deserve that, Roybart? I am sure that you realise from the netwide aghastitude your post has caused, just how smacked is the corporate silly naval gob. I'm surprised you haven't already posted pictures of your contrite self in sackcloth and clinker. How can you approach Christmas in such a graceless state?
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
For goodness sake! Won't somebody forgive him?
 

---

Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
There are a lot of assumptions going on in this post of yours, Pimple. You seem to assuming that the lack of responses on the thread indicates an unwillingness to forgive Roybart when nothing could be further from the truth. The posters on this thread are actually a compassionate bunch, if a little easily offended which probably can't be helped in these circumstances.

People do have sensitivities you know and we're all really busy with the run up to Christmas it's only to be expected that we are busy elsewhere.

Quite frankly I am deeply offended by your suggestion that I should stop my christmas shopping immediately and apologise to Roybart - who has quite clearly misunderstood my intentions but since it is Christmas just this once I will say that I forgive Roybart for offending me and if we are being honest here, he has probably offended everyone on this thread including yourself but we're all grown ups here, perhaps given time we can move on and possibly learn from the experience.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Are you really suggesting that we cannot take time out of our hectic schedules to show the milk of human kindness to a fellow human being in their time of desolation and despair? Shame on you! That may be your attitude, putting secular fulfilment before spiritual, but do not suppose we are all of the same ilk. My ilk is quite different.
 

---

Posted by Alban (# 9047) on :
 
Your ilk is quite different, is it? You, who have waited until after Christmas to propose charity in the midst of chaos. As the most challenging period of the year has elapsed, your suggestions are now theoretical, you cannot be held to them, and they will be forgotten by next December.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
I am appalled that you should even suggest that my memory is so poor that I will have forgotten...

...

er.... hold on a minute. What was it you were suggesting I would have forgotten by next Christmas?

Not, of course, that Christmas is actually over yet. Do you not understand the concept of twelve?
 

---

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :
 
Why are you dragging Doctor Who into this offensive thread? Surely you realise that the great storyrunner Moffatt has completely confused everyone with his last-minute insertion of John Hurt into the mix - not to mention the possibility that David Tennant loved himself so much that he used the same face twice? (Unfortunately, some of us didn't even love him the first time.)

Having followed the show from childhood, like many I am now thoroughly discombobulated by worrying about Who (see what I did there?) Twelve - or even Eleven or Thirteen. When the blessed Mr Capaldi arrives to take his rightful place at the helm of the Tardis, Which Doctor shall he be?

[ 29. December 2013, 16:55: Message edited by: Starbug ]
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
When reading on a so-called Christian website, I do NOT want to be regaled with posts about witch doctors, thank you very much.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
When reading on a so-called Christian website, I do NOT want to be regaled with posts about witch doctors, thank you very much.
 

---

Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
Capitalisation in the written format is the equivalent of shouting, and I really don't think there is any need to shout. Additionally, you have double posted, as if to further add insult to injury.

I am both offended and disappointed as I feel that you of all penguins should have known this with a post count as high as yours.
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
Alicia, I must disagree: shouting is ALWAYS an appropriate response to the kind of petty, picayune, half-hearted, insufferably whingeing, mewling, whimpering, and random flailing about that is posing as "being offended" on this thread.

Alicia, you are simply TOO POLITE. All that is missing in your posts are the smilies (especially the one with lots of hearts floating above a euphoric face), possibly accompanied by photos of kittens.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
I have allergies.
How can you think it acceptable behaviour to recommend the posting of pictures of felines - unless you are suggesting that said creatures be shaved first.
How utterly irresponsible, reprehensible and not nice.
 

---

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :
 
Cruelty to kittens! Shame on you, Smudgie - I knew that penguins were only cruel to fish (by eating them). but to suggest that poor, defenceless little kittens should be sent put into this horrible weather with their fur shaved off is just reprehensible.
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
roybart, I'm not even on this thread even NOW, but you are covertly describing ME in my angst ridden, soul baring, mea culpa (over my bodyline tactics in Purgatory) in Hell FALSELY attributing offendedness to me there.

VERY clever. HAH!

I am most bitterly offended HERE where a bunny with an AXE sent me most cruelly knowing I would encounter your ungracious description of my so very humble postings in Hell.

I was never here. And won't be again. Nobody can be offended by THAT!
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
And Starbug you STOLE my place, you and your Hitlerite hiding of your murderous death wish behind being nice to animals.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
[ I am a genius]

(I mean) Well, FINE! Is that what I get for extending an olive branch? Instant carping and complaints? I mean you're so right, such a pitiful, joyless group of wet sacks I have never seen, but can't you graciously forgive them like I do? Every hour of every day?
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Oh yes, Mr PCnot, you come in here waving around your accusations of theft without a decent appreciation of the niceties of polite conversation. Here we apologise for double posting, knowing what an offensive device it is with its undertones of attention-seeking behaviour. But you come storming in without a by-your-leave or thank you, and promptly make up for lost time by bombarding us with two whole posts in a row.

(and very nice it is to see you, too!)
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
And Smudgie got in there before you. Smudgie, making me look like a total arse tearing in to Starbug. Who would have offended me anyway, so no apology necessary THERE. How could you be so thoughtless you and your whinging about cats getting up your nose when I (how can one capitalize that further?) have been offended. ME
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
How DARE you break my run of three consecutive posts when I'm not supposed to even be here, I've not been well you know.

WHAT?! FLOOD protection. I'm not in Kent!
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
OK I am off to New Year's lunch, so I can't be bothered to to stick around and endure this corporate madness. But I would like to personally thank you, Martin for coming in here with all guns blazing, shrieking like a banshee, throwing shade, and giving us all oh, so many more reasons to be offended. I mean, just your presence alone would do it, but such effort is admirable.

And clean out you PM box, you slacker.
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
I mean you've all made me offend MYSELF now with that tasteless remark about Kent. Is that why you've all gone quiet? What's the matter with you all, no moral conviction? This is bloody appalling. I'm sitting here, desperate to empty my bladder and continue with a Robert Crais novel and you keep me waiting.

Sincerely, disgusted - and waterlogged one way and another - of Tunbridge Wells.

(Don't look now, but there's a bloody mad axebunny stalking me.)
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
(wipes lips daintily. Man that was good pozole.)

Stalking? Stalking???

Honey, you should grab your rosary and pray hourly for the opportunity to be stalked by someone as magnificent as me. If I validated you parking, you should keep the stub.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Stub. You said "stub". Isn't that a rude word?
Kelly, I am shocked at you!
I know you'll claim Martin drove you to it, but I don't think he was even driving - even you admitted he had parked.
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
What distortion of reality of this? I might have given the ingrate axe-bunny a lift (I mean, what do you say?! 'Yeah, sure, hop (I nearly ruptured myself with repressed hysterical laughter at that point) in.'), I thought they said they (... he, she or IT!) were going to valet the car after I parked it. Not give me marks out of ten for my fifteen point turn in a one way street.

But YOU Smudgie have made a complete pig's ear of it and made me use that inappropriate figure of speech when I meant dog's breakfast. I mean how could I drive the bladed largomorph and not? You are implying I was superpositioned, in two states, at a point in time, whereas I was briefly on top of that Lexus yes. And then you attempt the quantum unentanglement by referring to the fact that I had parked implicitly having driven.

Decoherence or what!?

Furthermore you've made my eyes mysteriously sore and wasted my time with this, I have a LIFE you know. So I have been doing a bit of concurrency while we speak and it's DEFINITELY time to flush and go before I suffocate.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Couldn't you have included a few more syllables in that post? Honestly, you expect me to read that over my mid-morning snack? That was only one mackerel's worth. You could have put a bit more thought into it.

Even Kelly manages more than that, and imagine how much brain there is between those two fluffy ears.
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Was that irony, Smudgie? I am put out. I have hardly got over the New Year's early night in and you have to swamp the thread with subtleties. Give us a chance!
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
What's to get over pimple? I can't get over your not getting over being a party pooper by sloping off early. Unless you mean early in the wee small hours. I didn't see you first footing, it wasn't YOU who returned my felicitations at oh one hundred, so skulking you were.

As for you Smudgie, I am SO sorry that you ran out of word processing power.

Gannet. What, can't swallow and read at the same time? And it's just so bloody RUDE to talk with your mouth full. Didn't the thing that hatched you teach you that?

Surrounded by bloody wildlife here in every sense.
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
Sorry, and a skin complaint. You could be more subtle about it ... ah HA! Trying to cover up the fact that your Yiddisher momma Christened (Jewed?) you Nasal Blemmisch eh?
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Are you suggesting I have a skin complaint simply because I am adjacent to a pimple? Can't you see my complexion is crystal clear? I am the most stunningly beautiful penguin you are likely to meet today.
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
How very unfeeling and insensitive you are to those suffering from any kind of skin complaint. There are enough messages being hammered home to them by our image driven society that they cannot be beautiful and you just go and join in. Clearly for you beauty really is only skin deep and you are not able to appreciate the inner beauty that shines from the deeper places of one's character.

[ 02. January 2014, 13:47: Message edited by: Lucia ]
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
Lucia. I'M not the one flaunting their zit as Sodom. And as for you Jackass, your mere proximity to scrofula doesn't make you a plookie any more than being a Ctenocephalides felis cat flea makes you a cat.

Furthermore Lucia, beneath a pimple lies a blocked sebaceous gland festering in the pit of a manky hair follicle. Charmed I'm sure.

I mean really. Wear a head sack. Ring a bell. Try chanting "One's inner beauty shines from the deeper places of one's character." rather than "Unclean" and see where that gets one.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
People who make recommendations of this nature never provide pictures. Ever notice that? What kind of sack do you need over YOUR head, Quasimodo?

"Proximity to scrofula." "Ctenocephalides felis>" Good grief, did someone "like" Grandiloquent Word of the day recently?
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Alves, facebook talk belongs on facebook. Thank you.
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Not everyone has their life compartmentalised into hermetically sealed boxes you know Smudgie. Some have actually learned to apply things learned in one place to another situation. It's called critical thinking. But perhaps it is a bit complex for penguins...
 

---

Posted by goperryrevs (# 13504) on :
 
Wow, speciesm is it Lucia? The worst of the isms. Just because one penguin is insensitively waving their perfect complexion at the rest of us, does not mean that all penguins are assholes. I know at least two or three that aren't.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Are we really going to start the year with tired-ass accusations of specieism? Wasn't that the going rebuke in 2012? Pick a new flag to hide behind.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Despite your aspersions, Mistress Alves, I will not be spending this year with a fatigued donkey. Though not in the slightest speciesist, I do draw the line at exhausted creatures who cannot be bothered to show a lovely penguin a good time. I have chucked the mule and shall be considering the advances of this very attentive and highly caffeinated squirrel.
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Well, when you said Mistress Alves I thought you were going to accuse her of witchcraft. But
then you blatantly flaunt your neo-animistic beliefs without taking a breath. I just don't see how I'm going to be able to watch Happy Feet III now.....
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
So - after howling in the loos for fourteen years because some neo-fascist shut down my favourite intellectual thread I peak out to find that the old suspects are at it again, ad infinitum, like rabbits making - oh never mind - and Kelly is there, proud as punch, subscribing to social podiatal biases, drawing all the world's attention to the happiness of penguinal feet, while the rest of the animalia reign wallows in abject exclusion and the horrors of Thermal Incremental Angst Syndrome.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Zappa, I am appalled that you confused our dear Kelly with Pimple.
After all, a pimple is a suppurating pustule and Kelly.....


Ah, carry on, don't mind me....
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
How dare you show the insensitivity not to notice that I was blinded by my tears of years of exclusion, and thus unable to make what really is a very subtle distinction. Furthermore, given that you're not unbiased in your assessment of the distinction I am frankly stupefied that you have been so hypercritical

[ 07. January 2014, 00:11: Message edited by: Zappa ]
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
Your use of the word "stupified" may explain your incoherent dribblings, Zappa. But it does not excuse them. As for that pathetic appeal to our sympathy ("blinded by my tears") I can only comment that It's Not Working. After 14 years of silence on the topic of Being Offended, one would think that you would try harder than this.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
roybart, how could you? Zappa needs to be cheered and encouraged. What looks like a pitiful, feeble effort to you may in fact be an epic triumph for him.

(puts on teacher face and claps)

Good boy, Zappa! Good boy!

[ 07. January 2014, 02:23: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Really Kelly, do you have to speak to Zappa as if he is a rather dimwitted dog?
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Well I think dogs are very intelligent actually Lucia! Comments like yours just perpetuate the prejudice.
 

---

Posted by goperryrevs (# 13504) on :
 
Oh, I didn't know your name was Kelly as well, Raptor Eye. Really, it's quite rude to answer questions addressed to another before they've had a chance to respond themselves.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
You're the rude one, butting into my conversation with Lucia goperryrevs.
 

---

Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
Last I checked this was a public message board. There is no such thing as a private conversation and I find it deeply insulting that you two are treating it like your own personal playground - I'm looking at you Raptor Eye & goperryrevs

[ 10. January 2014, 13:38: Message edited by: Alicïa ]
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
So, umlauted Alicia, who exactly gave you permission to flounce in and adjudicate goppyrev, ocular-reptile and, note, Lucia's wee threesome? This is an adult environment and they can carry on perfectly well without your umpiring whistles.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Zappa, are you questioning my right to delegate responsibility in this thread? I view that as utter insubordination, boy.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Don't you think it is a might demeaning to refer to a 103 year old as "Boy"?
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
And what, precisely, makes you think I was referring to you? It's not all about you, you know. Though this is.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Huh! Don't you know a sentence is supposed to include a noun and a verb?
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Noun - this.
Verb - is.
Problem? None.
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
I thought posting lists was frowned upon. You as a host surely know this and could be expected to set a better example to other shipmates. What if an unsuspecting newbie came by and thought that this kind of post construction was an acceptable norm?
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
I am horrified that you have see so fit to stand judge, jury, and executioner over the freedom of hosts to terrify newbies that this conversation has been rendered mute for no fewer than six days
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Oy! Who are you, and where do you get off thinking anyone is going to stop me from terrifying anyone, especially those people who have been here too damn long? I resent your implication that it only takes a few questions and a headshake of disapproval at the Pingu to silence me! Dear sir, I do not shut up that easily, oh no!
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Oh. And Where the hell have you been?

Nice of you to grace us with your presence. You start the Mafia thread and all of a sudden you are too good for us . Abandoning us at our hour of need--and if you look back at the last several posts, you will agree we are quite needy. *
And then you swan in here and demand the right to speak . Speak the hell up!


* I speak collectively, not individually.

[ 19. January 2014, 03:50: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Four months later, and I still get the same thing. I don't know about you, but, where I'm from, the usual greeting is "Hello. How are you today?" I see that you learned some other salutation, though; if I may, I'd suggest that you try something more along the lines of what I suggested. You might be surprised at the results!
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Hello, how are you today?

And stop bringing up old stuff.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Very well, thank you. My wife left me, my boss fired me, and my dog got run over by a truck. How are you?

Oh, wait, I forget, you're just observing taught social formalities, rather than actually caring. If you can't be bothered to make an effort and ask me, say, where I was during a long and no doubt interesting leave of absence, I don't see why you shouldn't just keep quiet and let those of us who have mastered the art of politeness chat amongst ourselves.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Now, then
Enough of this puling.
Even the cats next door are covering their ears.
Don't you have any self-respect?
You? Why am I asking.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Show off.
What do you think this is, the acrostic thread?
And to top it all, you end it with a question but no question mark.
This sloppiness is unworthy of the grandeur of this thread, which is, without question (and therefore un-needing of a question mark) second finest thread on the whole boards (second only to Everlasting Sentences).
Pull yourself together, woman, and pay a bit more attention to the quality of your posts.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Oh you try poking at an Ipad mini at a cafe in squinty darkness without a stylus. Effort? You don't know the effort that took. None of you do. All wrapped up in your selfish little words, do you see how I suffer? how I sacrifice? Of course not. But let one tiny piece of punctuation go astray,a nd suddenly I am center stage at Carnegie Hall.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
You know, if you didn't complain so loudly about us pointing out your typos, we wouldn't do it so much. In the end, you have only yourself to blame. Nobody. But yourself. Don't blame us for your own foibles.
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
I thought Kelly Alves was a college-educated person? Yet, she still makes vast grammatical mistakes and tries to blame others for her very human failings. Hmmph. It offends my sense of pure righteousness. It's difficult to deal with the likes of... ALL of you! I'm perfect and it pains me to share oxygen with inferior beings. Oh, the price I pay to being terrestrial bound.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I may make the occasional typographical flub here and there (" Vast?" ), but at least I can follow rules, I would never think of bruising his needy little heart and ignoring his ample offensiveness. Please be more considerate in the future, and don't step over your offense-mates.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
I am offended on behalf of all long-legged people. Although blessed with short legs myself, I empathise with those whose physical anomalies result in an elongated stride. And yet there you are, telling them not to step over people. They can't help it, you prejudiced person! Their legs are simply made that way. It doesn't make them any less worthy of our pity and patronising platitudes. Not everyone can waddle.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Oooh! Hark at you! 'I can waddle, you can't!' What a show off!
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
I'm offended at myself. Really, I should be more kind to all and sundry, lest I become unsundered from the mortal coil.
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
I'm offended that you're making this all about you. Really, I'm quite sure that Raptor Eye offers you a plethora of characteristics that you could have picked out to be offended by. And then you have to go and compound it all by using complicated words like "unsundered". We don't all carry the Oxford English Dictionary around in our heads you know!
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
Lucia, I'm offended that you didn't realize my semi-apology was directed at Kelly. My goodness, doesn't ANYONE on this planet understand me?
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
I am offended that Lucia had the termerity to make a post between two made by The5thMary, who could have been offended at her own self if she had not.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
You think you're pretty damn funny, don't you, buddy?

Don't you see that lucia's-- well admitted feeble post sandwiched between Mary's-- well, they aren't much better, tell the truth-- spared her from breaking protocol yet again and offending everyone living or dead?

Someone's always gotta put their two cents in.
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
I am offended you mentioned cents. They are no more in Canada. I want nickels!
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
No, no, no prophet. Sixth word spelled incorrectly.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
And suddenly we're back to bad puns. Oh dear. Yes, jadies and lentlemen, goys and hurls, it's our favorite punster, the one who confuses wordplay and one-liners for cleverness! O the shame! O the humanity! How can we not be offended at such an assault on proper civilized use of communicative media? The Internet will not long bear your sins, nor the World Wide Web your outrages!
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Just demonstrating your membership again of the spelling pedants club are you lilBuddha?

Damn, now I'm offended that stupid flood protection on the ship delays my post and Ariston weaseled his way in before me.

[ 22. January 2014, 15:58: Message edited by: Lucia ]
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
You lot want better effort? Leave better raw material. Comedic peasants.
 

---

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :
 
So you criticize other people's raw material and then you give us only three sentences? That's outrageous. Then just to make it worse, your last sentence, "Comedic peasants" leaves it completely unclear whether you are calling people peasants at comedy or perhaps just say that these people are uncooth fools and you find that rather amusing. Either way, a very poor effort sir. I can give you a C- at best. Please redo and return.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
Return? ITTWACWS. Only the Big Fella™ gets to do that. (But I guess you were just pushing nearer that 10,000 mark with your heretical nonsense).
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And someone who uses the term 'Big Fella' makes out he knows all about the heresies that offend others.......
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Extravagant and frivolous use of ellipses there. It's "dot dot dot", not morse code!
 

---

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :
 
Actually, it was "dot dot dot dot dot dot". Please get it right.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Starbug, if you were keeping up, you would see that our learned penguin (and by learned I mean "pedantic and meddling") was demonstrating the correct way to form ellipses.

As tedious as it is, proper folk know when to graciously give space to unsolicited opinions.
 

---

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :
 
Well, you certainly know how to give unsolicited opinions, Kelly. I will sit at your feet and take notes.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
We would prefer it if you kept your foot fetishes to yourself.
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
What's this "we" business? Just because you are not into feet you don't necessarily speak for everyone. I'm sure somewhere amongst the crew there will be several who have quite a thing for feet...

(Note correct number of dots!)
 

---

Posted by goperryrevs (# 13504) on :
 
Bully for you, Lucia.

But can we please give punctuation marks their correct names? An ellipsis is made of three full stops (or periods). Not 'dots'. Or shall we just start calling asterisks 'stars', tildes 'squiggles' and hashes 'noughts and crosses'?
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Why not call a nasterisk a star, for heavens' sake? I have never seen a hymn book with the pedantic instruction "asterisked verses may be omitted". Why I can't even pronounce that without fear of losing my teeth period period period
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
What in heaven's name is a "nasterisk"? Is it something dirty? I am offended before I know what it is because it sounds dirty!
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
I am flabbergasted that, although as the etymology of the word "nasty + risk" makes quite clear there are dangers involved, you should take umbrage at anything in which consenting adults involve themselves. Stick to the noughts and crosses, bro.
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:

* I speak collectively, not individually.

---

Oh dear, oh deary, deary me ...

Still hearing the voices, Bun-buns?
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Well shiver me timbers, lookie here what the cat dragged in. First Starbug and, as if that weren't enough, you. Am I going to have to listen to another round of bad BLT jokes from Bovine Bodhisatva again, all thanks to you?
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
On behalf of cat lovers everywhere, I resent the suggestion that cats would drag in anything tasteless
 

---

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :
 
How can a flightless bird claim to speak on behalf of cat lovers? They are completely different species. I, too, am offended on behalf of the cat lovers, despite despising them because they love those horrible feline furbags!

And as for the washing machine person, I suppose I should be grateful for being lumped in with the Singing Siddhartha, or whatever his name is. Pah! I care nothing for your name-dropping. To quote St Midge of Ure, it means nothing to me, oh Vienna.

[ 24. January 2014, 16:09: Message edited by: Starbug ]
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
Thank you, Frigidaire, for your effusive welcome, expertly hidden as ever under your faux nonchalance. And dearest little Tweetie, you're bang on the button, so to speak, this time the cat has not dragged in anything tasteless at all. C'est moi! (and just in time, from what I have been reading ...)
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Hmm... what was that cat playing at? Look, I know Starbug is indeed a shining example of a bug - irritating in the extreme - but even bugs have a right not to be ignored on this thread. Play the game, will you, lanky.
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Smudgie:
... Starbug is indeed a shining example of a bug - irritating in the extreme ...

---

By far the worst thing you can do to an irritating itch is scratch it, Tweets. If I were to acknowledge every contributor to the thread, we would be here forever. By drawing attention to the fact that I have only engaged with my very special friends (i.e., the power-crazed in-crowd), you have inadvertently highlighted the lowly status of the rest of the hoi-polloi. Noblesse oblige and all that - you have rather let the side down by flaunting your special status.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
"Power-crazed in-crowd?" Moi? Why, are any of those things true? As Budhette would no doubt point out, people have to like you for you to be in the in-crowd, and I think Bun-Bun is keeping an especially close eye on me after that incident with a bottle of Fernet Branca, a giraffe, two potted tomato plants, and the "delete ship" button.

Also, you're supposed to have pity and solicitude for the crazy mad scientist types. Would you like a job as my minion?
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Honestly, Aristonandonandon, you're supposed to be a host and yet you go letting me down, firstly by posting in a foreign language without translation, which you know is against the rules, and then by trying to poach my minions.

Get your own.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Mad scientist type? You are more like a mad puppy. Kels needs to keep you on a leash in order to prevent you weeing all over other boards, though she has been remiss lately.
And Smudgie, one does not poach minions, one sautés them with shallots and a port wine reduction.
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
You say that as if there is only one authorised way to enjoy a minion. Whatever happened to creativity and originality? If Smudgie wants to indulge in a little poaching so what? As long as she is not stealing them from me in the dead of night I don't see any problem with that.
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
Oh, dear. Lucia is a Smudgie-apologist! Hmmph! This is beyond the pale. I'm offended that the flightless one is getting succor when no one ever wants to help me...

Didn't P.T. Barnum once say, "There's a succor born every minute?"
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
How could you bring up Barnum, famous for having crowds stare at unusual people?
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
What ship-people produce in Technicolor yawns is not an appropriate topic for those of us not blessed with the eyes of a predatory bird.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Technicolor? Technicolor? May I remind you that the world is best in black and white!
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Best in black and white? They make everything so grey! So grey! Oh woe is me, grey grey grey!
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Grey, grey, grey, grey, grey, greeeey, wonderful grey!
See you you did?! See what you have wrought? See what you have brought about? Oh wait, I love Python.
Never mind.
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Well don't we all, but you omitted to say how - grilled or stewed? We need more than a rapturous sigh - we need recipes, darn it!
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
I was going to say it is you I prefer grilled* but the mental image of grilling a pimple put me right off. I think the heat might well cause a more violent irruption though. Hmmm, science experiment! Just how far can one cause the fluid to project?
Or culinary experiment. Grill the pimple on low heat, basting it in its own sauce. Sauté 'til just before bursting so the flavour explodes in mouth? Hmmmmm.
Move over Cambellite! We have a new cookbook brewing.


*By your posting content, it is obvious you are already stewed.

[ 07. February 2014, 16:25: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
 

---

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :
 
Okay, that is seriously offensively disgusting. Haven't you any sense of proportion? Some of us are about to eat lunch here, in the next few minute. Heck, even in the next 24 hours. Do you want to put all such poor people off their food? Really!
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
And you seem to be thinking we're all about to gorge ourselves right this very instant, missie. What about them that hae meat, but canna eat, hm? What about them? If there's anything that would put someone off their lunch (or supper, or breakfast, or midnight snack—I swear, you Americans, so self-centered in your own time zones!), it would be a constant reminder that they can't have their lunch.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
You Americans? As if you were not so obviously the epitome of the American, pseudo-intellectual. Look at that expression, the haircut and oh so "ironic" pose. Goes double for the twee bloke on your back.
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariston:
What about them that hae meat, but canna eat, hm?

---

Where to begin with such a venomous post? Who is this sly dig aimed at, pray tell? The dentally deprived, perhaps, or is this poisoned barb directed at our vegan and vegetarian friends (crackpots all)? And then you go on to list the many meals that our American friends will be indulging in ... not accusing them of being lard-arses, are you?

 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Oh, lilBuddha, who made you arbiter of what claims are valid? You who suspiciously make few claims. Something nefarious to hide?
As for evaluating intellectual pretensions, Pot and Kettle, oh pseudo sagacious one.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
So, lilB, our offence isn't good enough for you, you have to go and take offence at yourself. If we lesser mortals are so insignificant, then why engage in this thread at all? BLT's post was simply oozing with opportunity to be offended, but you simply ignore that and sit there talking to yourself as though deigning to respond would be totally beneath you. Granted, your previous post had been totally ignored by BTL before you, but surely this in itself could have provided you with ample ammunition, were you but willing to engage.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
says the one who can't even get the first letters of someone's name the right way around, when not bothering to try to write it all out courteously.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Says the person who hasn't been following the Ancient and Venerable tradition of Clever Renaming. Didn't your mother ever tell you to read the whole thread, its predecessor, and an unabridged copy of War and Peace for good measure before posting?
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
Oh Aristonian Whatsit floats in with unsolicited advertising for cheap and flimsy Russian novels and a sexist preference for maternal literary guidance. Any fule knoweth that a damn good war comic and Readers Digress , together with a smidgeon of sobriety, is all the prerequisite wisdom for words of wisdom here ...
 

---

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :
 
The correct misspelling is "Ane fule kno", as ane fule kno. Get it right. Really, kids these days can't even misspell the classics correctly.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Kids! You call Zappa a kid?! Do you not see he calls himself "(almost) first in the world"?
When our ancestors struggled to clamber onto the beach with their lobed fins, Zappa was there to greet them. Respect your elders, Daffy D.
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Hey cut out the Dead Horse topic will you? You may well consider yourself descended from a fish (somehow I can imagine why you would think that) but evolution will only get us in trouble with the hosts.

[ 10. February 2014, 09:16: Message edited by: Lucia ]
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Why would the cherubim and seraphim be disturbed? You reckon you got a direct line, they tell you what bothers them?

[And your overweening pride makes me mis-type. And not notice. And have to edit. And be insulted by that snide comment. You know the one I mean]

[ 10. February 2014, 15:24: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
You call these, Imaginary Friend Smudgie and Ariston, seraphim and cherubim?

Strange pimple.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
On behalf of the poor, abused Internet that had to endure your abuses (and those of whomever posted those…abominations), WHY? It's too early to break out the Fernet Branca as brain bleach, so I'll have to go through the rest of the day with those images burned into my mind, by which time it might be too late to unsee what has been seen.

I hope you're happy.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
No fault of mine you've never looked in a mirror.

ETA: Ecstatic.

[ 10. February 2014, 16:53: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
 

---

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :
 
Ach LilB, who among us could bear the mirror's ruthless gaze? Least of all, perhaps, your horned, nasally challenged self?

But tish tush, what really offends is that this thread has been stalled for over a month!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Old Bean, when I saw your name I thought that I should welcome you back after your little break but then thought that welcoming back a disembodied spirit who howls through the night was perhaps not quite the done thing - particular when said disembodied spirit has just criticised another shipmate for being nasally challenged when they themselves are bodily challenged!!
 

---

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :
 
Tis the night here for sure but have I howled? Have I? Just because I'm a sidhe... I mean the presumptions! Do I not weep? Bleed, even? Well actually no, I don't. But you get my drift. Or not. Oh, sod it, you've offended me. Bwah!
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
Come on come on. You can't have it both ways. Do you bleed or don't you? Enquiring minds hover suspended over the chasm of an answer, and you just don't care.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
So you're one of those one-track-minded people who believe's there's only one way, are you? I might have known.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
As you know I'm not one to criticise BUT I do find the lack of ability to punctuate a bit difficult to cope with - is there possibly a surfeit of apostrophes in the post by The Blessed Circus Host?
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
As you know I'm not one to criticise BUT...

---

Talk about passive-agressive! 'Not one to criticise' you say but then you leap in with both feet and stomp all over the poor, grammatically- challenged penguin.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Lucia,
The biggest offence of the weasel's post is that he called a Circus host blessed! Even Cthulhu has standards higher. No God of chaos or evil would stoop so low as to be associated with Circus Hosts. Although a couple of Tau's children do sound like they could be particular SOF hosts.

Jasy Jatere, lord of the siesta
JJ = WW?
Ao Ao, appeared as perhaps a monstrous sheep or peccary
Starts with A, now who could that be? Hmmmm....

[ 17. April 2014, 15:48: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
 

---

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :
 
Look you, you're so big on what's with the weasel, but you can't even follow the rules yourself? No, that is not cool. If you are offended with Lucia, you can post about that here. If you are not then please keep it to yourself. Thanks!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Surely, unless we are all figments of one another's imagination, we have to accept that, however much we might regret it, lilB clearly IS.

Sorry, Gwai, but you have to face up to reality sometime.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
You can't HANDLE reality! We live in a world that has padded walls, and those walls need to be guarded by people with padded restraints. Who's gonna do it? You? Refrigerator boy? You weep for Gwai and curse the guardians. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That the Yeti wait in the closet to steal your pyjamas. That they* are always watching, with their unblinking eyes, always the eyes....why don't they look away, why don't they at least BLINK?! What do they want?! Why do they follow me everywhere? Why do they...wait, what are we talking about?
Oh yes, you cannot handle reality, poor dear WW.


*No, not the Yeti, THEM. And their eyes, why always the eyes?!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
lilB, I don't like to intrude on your rather idiosyncratic version of reality but can I just point out that for most of us eyes are the things that help us see and thus watch just as ears are the things that help us hear, tongues are the things that help us taste and noses are the things that help us smell. I realise that your grasp of this reality may be more than a little tenuous but please respect the feelings of the majority before pushing your own, rather bizarre, agenda.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Oh, you have a tongue, therefore you think you have taste? Those sequined, mauve, taupe and chartreuse trousers you were imply different.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
You would appear to be suggesting that Weasel used to be a pair of trousers. I will have you know that I find it incredibly offensive to suggest that people were items of clothing in a previous life. It makes me feel quite squeamish about getting dressed, not knowing whom I might be wearing, and therefore feel forced to spend my entire Easter Saturday in bed.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Now I'm laughing so much it hurts Smudgie, how could you!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I am deeply upset that you are laughing at The Penguin - she's doing her best, for Heaven's sake! Surely you don't expect her to be coherent or make sense, it would be so out of character!
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
Why should heaven have all the sake? Those of us destined for more nether regions have our needs as well, you know.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
You don't get sake, Zappa. Those destined for the nether regions get commercial American Beer! Ha! The devil brews Budweiser and Coors!
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Oh. So we're just going to let Anhauser-Busch and Canadian Molsen off the hook for producing such bilge, are we? Blame it all on the devil? How delightfully consequence-free.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Alright then, all American "beer" is of the devil. And, for that matter so.... Oh what is the point? You are so clearly ensnared by the dork side at the moment as to preclude your noticing, much less responding.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I am FIGHTING EVIL (or something). Have some damn RESPECT!

As to what my point was-- if people are gonna make crap beer, like hell am I gonna accept "the debbil made me do it" as an excuse. I am shocked and surprised that you would hand people such an out.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
And what if they make good beer? What about Duvel? Lucifer? Hop Devil? Maudite? Hm? HM? What say you to those, Philistine?
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I say "Anchor", "Anderson Valley", and "Speakeasy" and "stop insulting me with your references to urine samples".

Did you not spot the qualifier "if" in my sentance? That is not a big, long word. even you can handle it.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Oh you Californians, think you all invented the hop, think your suds are soooo much better than anyone else's. Well la-ti-da, aren't you just special?
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Yes.

Silly questions are offensive.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
Honestly you just don't know when to stop. You make a fine case for the affirmative with a minimization of pixels, and then have to drivel on with a jungle of redundant and subjective opinion.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Did you have to remind me that they made me redundant all those years ago?
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
"All those years ago"? Sure, you chronologically endowed have to lord it over the younger generation, wallowing in experiences we will never have. Next you'll be bragging about riding your wooly mammoth and how stegosaur tastes soo much better than modern meat.

 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Do you have to mention that four-letter word m*at? The more sensitive of us find it quite unpalatable as we chow down on soya and rice.
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
So now we all have to pussy-foot around the delicate sensitivities of vegetarians and vegans by not mentioning meat?

I'm sorry if this is news to you, but refusing to mention something or acknowledge its existence make absolutely no difference whatsoever to its reality. And those of us who enjoy a nice, rare, juicy steak will continue to do so without shame.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
Excuse me, but some of us around here are [married to people who are] highly allergic to feline feet, and the onset of hay-fever triggered by such pathogens is singularly debili ... li ... li ..*CHEW*-tating
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Dear old friend, I am sorry to have to take umbrage at your post, especially as you are clearly in your dotage and should be pitied as such, but you cannot, just cannot, go around calling all allergic reactions to sundry pathogens "hayfever". Hayfever should be limited to describing an allergic reaction to hay which includes a high temperature amongst its symptoms. What your dearly beloved suffers from is clearly "feline-rhinitis" which is a different thing altogether.

And while we're at it, may I recommend this ?
 

---

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :
 
My dear young penguin (should we despise you because of your youth?), it is well known to those of us who hate cats that most of them are addressed as 'Hey, you!' As in 'Hey, you! Stop shitting all over my flower bed!' Therefore, the use of the word 'heyfever' for the furry little bastards is entirely justified.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Oh, good. Cats are not flavour of the month because they have natural functions to perform eh? I'm sure they'd rather not go in such a draughty place in all weathers anyway, in front of all and sundry. Perhaps if you provided a proper kitty loo out of the cold, you might better appreciate the finer aspects of our lovely feline friends.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
There you go, speaking of the lovely flavour of felines and then posting not one recipe!
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
Oh Buddsy, how disappointing! I'd always thought of you as being on a somewhat higher intellectual plane than the hoi-polloi one frequently encounters on this thread, and then you ask for recipes. Why turn the thread into a simulacrum of day-time TV, with wall-to-wall cookery shows? What next, property porn and soft furnishing make-overs? How you have sunk in my estimation.*

* Slightly redeemed by the hint of cat-slaughter in your post.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Sinking in your estimation must signal my rise in the estimation of the sane. Regarding good, you must have missed Buddha's Belly: Recipes to Sustain along the Path to Enlightenment Truly elevates the art of cooking.

[ 27. May 2014, 17:33: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Cooking is not an art, it is a science. One must be precise and regimented in how one goes about it. None of this flim-flammying when it comes to a flan! Order is the watchword of the day. Loose timings can result in the difference between a perfectly boiled egg, something as runny as food poisoning or dry, crumbly solidity.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
There you go again, assuming that we all have the same rather bizarre standards as you do - what would Edwina Curry say about your perfectly boiled egg - tell me that?

That way lies salmonella!
 

---

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :
 
Eggs and Curry? That way lies kedgeree, surely? Who is this Salman Ella? Never heard of her!
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
I think coming on here as a barely disguised front for Al Qaeda and their prejudices against Salmans is frankly offensive to the max, and were I not a tad busy I would report you to George W and the hosts and admins immediately ...
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Typical! As soon as someone is losing the argument, they bring in references to Muslim extremists, in order to muddy the waters.

Thank goodness that SOME of us have more brains and integrity than that.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Oh you would have to go on about your superior brain, never mind about how offensive it is to those of us who are intellectually challenged!
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
If you think that's superior, you have some pretty low standards! It's like the San Marino team calling Dagenham & Redbridge the masters of total football.
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Oh for heaven's sake! It's still two weeks until the world cup starts, do we have to start talking about football already? We're going to have to endure enough of it come June.

[ 29. May 2014, 14:28: Message edited by: Lucia ]
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
What a typically "Christian" response - utterly dismissing an important cultural and global event because it's "not in the Bible". No wonder the churches are emptying faster than Rob Ford's beer mug.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
That's right, slag off poor Rob Ford, the Torontians friend, just because he likes the odd tipple now and then, possibly with a side of crack cocaine, even if he can't remember it the next morning! The poor guy is doing his best.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Oh, defending Rob Ford, are you? Now we know what sort of "spice" PeteC is smuggling in for you. Is he an accomplice or an unwitting dupe? And using All Saints to arrange delivery for your nefarious enterprise...For shame!! You are not an ex-pat, but a fleeing criminal.
Though, I am forced to compliment you on your amazing disguise as a clueless, senile and delusional pensioner.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
Oh, the anti-dupism of your world-view! Some of us spend many hours perfecting the science of duping and you dare to drag our efforts through the trash ...
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
So, Zippy, you've been working hard to perfect efforts which are sizeable enough for LB to drag through the trash, have you? Is that why the contents of my rubbish bin (dutifully put out for the refuse collectors before 6am as instructed) are now strewn across the street in haphazard manner? I had been inclined to blame the neighbourhood foxes, but now I realise it was the two of you involved in effort-trash-dragging. How utterly colonial of you.
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Smudgie:
... the contents of my rubbish bin (dutifully put out for the refuse collectors before 6am as instructed) are now strewn across the street in haphazard manner ...

---

Time to get a grip, Tweetie-babes. This constant preening yourself vis-a-vis your exemplary refuse arrangements (where's the big yawn emoticon when you need it?) and your slavish adherence to the diktats of the little Hitlers (or Stalins, as the case may be) at your local council convinces no-one. We've all seen the tell-tale fish-heads spilling out of your bins. This goody two-shoes act is wearing rather thin.

 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
I do not believe it! How crass!

The parasites on my cat's fleas have more insight in their little toes than you have.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Really! Isn't it about time poor Richard Wilson was allowed to forget Victor Meldrew's catch phrase, 'I do not believe it!' He's undoubtedly haunted by it wherever he goes, & here you are making sure he can't drop into the Ship in peace either.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
You really do not have enough respect for the rest of us to type hit three keys on your keyboard instead of two? How lazy is that? The ampersand is to be used in the rarest of circumstances, certainly not to replace the customary three letter word "and". I am utterly offended by your offhandedness.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
I am violated, offended and otherwise disturbed. You have cruelly discovered the title of the novel with which I was preparing to stun the literary world as a brilliant teenage prodigy (er, a while back), and seen fit to flaunt it around the scuppers like some piece of common trivia. I shall pout into my approaching dotage, lamenting that a mere Sphenisciformes Spheniscidae (cunningly moonlighting as Cirripedia Crustacea) has wantonly trashed my stairway to literary immortality .
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Approaching dotage? This is akin to saying a deep freeze on the dark side of Pluto is approaching cold or a skyscraper on Everest is approaching tall.
You, sir, have not only entered dotage, but burst on through to the other-side. You are less comprehensible than a William S Burroughs-James Joyce collaboration written in a Sanskrit translation of phonetic Sumerian gibberish.
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by lilBuddha:
You are less comprehensible than a William S Burroughs-James Joyce collaboration written in a Sanskrit translation of phonetic Sumerian gibberish.

---

Bad case of potnkettleitis there, Buds. I get all the cultural references, of course, but I really think you are pushing the envelope into the twilight zone if you think the contributors to this thread will be able to keep up. Always bear your audience in mind. This loading up of the literary and linguistic references is not grown-up, it's not clever and no-one's the slightest bit impressed.
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
potnkettleitis??

Quit using neologisms and try proper English! That amalgamation of words and adding a suffix is more akin to German than English. Your use of 'I' in italics is full of hubris. I would encourage you to eat humble pie but perhaps humble sauerkraut is more in order for you.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Linguistic evolution is a beautiful and glorious thing. The English language you extoll would not exist if a variety of tribes knocking about on the same chunk of Atlantic rock hadn't started poaching from each other. Most erudite, evolved people realise this.

Hence your comment.

[ 01. June 2014, 20:22: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
extoll

---

Death duties are a work of Mephistopheles and give the bay Jesus colic. Desist this filthy communistic exploitation immediately.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Where, pray tell, is this bay you speak of. Can one sail thereon or must one walk across?
Not certain either how a body of water can have colic. And this particular bay should be immune. Indeed, its only problem should be drying up and refilling three days later.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
How can a bay be sick and diseased? Why, are you so ignorant of the fate of our planet Earth as to not know of the problems of the Chesapeake Bay? Once one of the world's greatest oyster beds, home to God's Own Crabs and prodigious schools of fish, only now making a slow, halting recovery after decades of pollution, development, and blight.

Save the Bay, especially from the ignorant masses!
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
God's got crabs??? I can't believe that I have just read that appalling defamation.

I Thought This Was a Christian Website.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
Come on ... keep up with the doctrine of the Incarnation ... God Incarnate enters into the fullness of human experience, representatively if not actually. Your ignorance of basic Christian dogma offends all sensitivities.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
This is nonsense beyond even your namesake, Zippo. Even dogs should be Christians?! Or is it only mother dogs as you seem to specify? On the supposition they will indoctrinate their pups, saving you the effort, I suppose. Lazy, presumptive and religiously intolerant. A low even for the very, very miniscule expectations we have for you.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Buddy, on talking for yourself it is customary to use the pronoun "I", unless you are indeed the Queen of England. Your reckless use of the first person plural in your closing sentence implies that I too have miniscule expectations of Zappa. I will have you know that I have no expectations of Zappa whatsoever and take exception at your suggestion that I do.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
No expectations of Zappa? Yes, this is realistic position, but how can you say that where he might read it?* How can you expect him to drag himself out of the very bottom of the fetid muck if you do not express some hope that he might? One day, with enough encouragement, he might raise himself to the level of despised and repellant. Much to hope for, yes. But, unlike you, who are heartless as well as flightless; I at least pretend to care.


*Well, have it read to him, of course, as there are no pictures.
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Pretending is all we ever get from you. Nothing genuine or authentic. It's all make-believe with you, isn't it? Just for once in your sad, sham little life, why don't you say something you actually mean?

All the rest of us are attempting to engage with important issues and carry out meaningful discussions. But not you. Your verbal diarrhea stains the whole ship.
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Oscar the Grouch:
It's all make-believe with you, isn't it?

---

For goodness sake, please don't burst the bubble of Buddsy's fantasy life. If she were suddenly to realise that none of her rantings bear any relation to life as the rest of us know it, the horrific consequences for us all are beyond imagining. A little more empathy on your part would not come amiss - just remember that there's a thin line between this thread and care in the community. If Buddsy were forced into a sudden unwelcome acquaintance with reality, nobody would be able to staunch the flow of the resulting verbal diarrhoea.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
The two of you are producing a mighty flow with no connection to reality, so your theory may be flawed. You poor representative of the noblest achievement of the 4th Earl.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
When we were pre-pubescent kids at boarding school we used occasionally to compare flows. Or jets, really, being blokes and less upwardly challenged than the female of the species. But for grown ups on an I Thought This Was A Christian Web Site I feel it is just a little, well, offensive, really.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Harping on about your day job again - don't you realise we live in a multi-faith environment these days?
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
I suppose someone harping on about their job would hit a raw nerve with a self-confessed feckless layabout...
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
You see, that's what I don't get - here I am doing my very best to be honest about things and all that happens is that I get castigated for my honesty! Perhaps I should just give up and become a professional liar, as that seems to be what people want. I live only to serve.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
I find the thought that there should be more politicians in the world deeply offensive.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
Furthermore I am deeply offended that I have to be offended by myself, and that in waiting to assess the degree of self-offence the Fates have permitted such offensiveness to fall off the radar of Page One of lunacy.
 

---

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :
 
I am offended by the thought of Zappa being offended all by himself. Disgusting. ITTWACW.

[ 15. July 2014, 12:03: Message edited by: Starbug ]
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I am grossly offended that you think that we should pander to Zappa's masochistic tendencies - isn't that what his family is for?
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
I am gross

---

That is as far as the quote need go.
No, no, that is incorrect. Gross does you no justice. You are such an offence to nature, that merely typing a post regarding you ends the possibility of achieving Nirvana.
It is truly astounding that a being such as you can find anything else offencive. Remarkable that something could offend a being so foul the dead reanimate to escape your presence.
Though, I suppose we owe you a debt. Because of you, the world is safe. Cthulhu chooses to remain in slumber for ending the world would mean devouring you and that is too much even for it to bear.
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
I am simply offended that after 10 pages lilBuddha still can't spell 'offensive' and what is more that I go away for weeks over the summer and come back to find that no-one has managed to be offended in my absence.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
We were not offended by your absence, but the same cannot be said regarding your return.
I cannot spell offence? You'll notice the title of the thread, I hope. Using an s instead of a c isn't wrong, just different. Though typically used more by Americans these days, it is as old a spelling as the one used by the rest of the English speaking world, ~14th century. So, as I was speaking to WW, it is highly appropriate to use both. Reminds him of his childhood.*
I think I must apologise for the etymology lesson, I hope it did not strain your mental capacity too greatly.

*Against all evidence, I am assuming he can still read and comprehend.
 

---

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :
 
Oh Buddsy, I try to sit on my hands, I really do, but when you come out with your usual cartloads of tosh, I find myself bursting with moral indignation and simply can contain myself no longer. Citing the title of the thread as your authority to make fast and loose with the orthography (rather than the etymology) of the word offence/offense is hardly valid, since you are the very person who originated the thread. It would be rather like me saying "I am wonderful simply because I say I am", which whilst true, hardly demonstrates the humility becoming a Christian website.
But it is not your lack of logic and perspicacity that most offends me (alas, I have become inured to it due to long acquaintance with your somewhat novel approach to disputation), it is your snarky attitude to poor Lucia, so recently returned from her vacances and your unpleasant implications regarding our own dear Wodders. Ageism is a very ugly thing.
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
O dear God. What unimaginative, mindless piece of flotsam resurrected this heap of doodah that calls itself a thread? Wasn't there something more interesting you could do - like go and catch the Ebola virus?
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
And there's you doing your level best to live up to your name. Who pissed in your Cheerios?

We can be offended all the doodah day if we so choose. Spoilsport.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Look, just because I was desperate for the lavatory and could find no other place to relieve myself because you were hogging the bathroom (as you always do), there is no need to broadcast the fact over the entire interwebby thing. You just love to cause me embarrassment, don't you? I bet it will be all over Facebook next! And what Groucho didn't know, surely wouldn't have hurt him.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I don't love to embarrass you, Smudge, I just feel I should assist you in your compulsive need to embarrass yourself.

And do I get any appreciation for it? No.

ETA: Groucho?

ETA2: Oh.

ETA. Offended.

[ 05. September 2014, 06:10: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
Oh, just carry on with your little Editing 101 practice thread, why don't you? I mean c'mon ... you kud ov got it right first time, huh?
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
'kud ov'????????? Would it really have taken you so much longer to spell the words out correctly?
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
With that set of emoticons, you'll end up with a nasty squint. Can't you just say what you mean without dressing it up in unnecessarily fancy graphics?

Next thing, you'll be demanding WordArt!
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
* had thought free endorsement of products, such as Bill Gates' turgid WordArt, was verboten on this site, but * see rules is not rules to the Offensive.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
The mention of Bill Gates's turgidity brings to mind a mental image from which * shall never recover. But * 'm sure you knew that.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
OY! You aren't supposed to perpetuate disturbing images! You're supposed to take a swig of Fernet, keep a stiff pair of lips, and carry on!

* 'm running out of F-B, and that pisswater ain't cheap, you know! You Totally Owe Me Now.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Fernet Branca tastes like a horrible nightmare Nyquil had.

There, * said it. Somebody had to.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
No, it tastes worse. It tastes like our dying life. Or living death. Same thing, sayith Augustine.

You don't read Augustine obsessively? Philistine.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
As it happens, * am 1/16th Philistine,. * have a cher***ed photo of my great grandmother in her native dress. Racist.
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
***ist
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Ooooh, rude things ...

DT
Circstyx Host
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Seriously, DT? Could you not handle this little bit of tame Hell in your own domain? Did you have to send it to its parent realm? Did you have to make it follow me…okay, at least it's not Mornington Crescent, so * 'll grant that.

Still, there's a difference: Hell is for settling petty and trivial scores; the offense thread is for complaining about them. Thought you would have learned that by now.
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Petty and trivial?! Is that the level of respect you have for the high level of discussion which goes on in this lower level realm?
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
They put me in charge.

Draw your own conclusions, boopsie.
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
And on and on, Ariston and on and ...
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
Really? You mean my Greek name is also the name of an appliance brand? Well slap me upside the head and call me Kenmore! Thank you for this tidbit. * 've never heard that before.

Ever.

From anyone on the Ship.

—ὁ Ἀρίστον, ἀρχόν Κόλασῃ

[ 20. September 2014, 01:02: Message edited by: Ariston ]
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Lord. Really? As if we'd be ruled by a gar***ly painted mythical washer in size 60 shoes who flunked out of hosting the Circus?
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
Black: How does something "Excellent", "Great" and SQUAT (bursting the bubble of its own grandiosity somewhat) have size 60 'shoes', * .e. human feet RIDICULOUSLY scaled up. An Oscar Pistorius ATAT? More like Mrs. Shufflebottom. Pot. * mean you are this.
 

---

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :
 
I'm offended that this is still here.

Much as I love my favorite parts of my old baliwick coming back to visit me (*sniff*), it's time to return the toys.

Back with ye!
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
Your offendedness is an offence under the Offensive Offendedness Act of 2014.
 

---

Posted by fullgospel (# 18233) on :
 
I am offended that you mention that 2014 Act which is unheard of in Moritania (which is ) already in the year 2024.


Don't ask ! ....
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I will ask if I damn well please. In fact, I'm asking, OK? This is my asking face:
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Language, bunny! Didn't your mother ever wash your mouth out with soap for using profanities?
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Hippies don't use soap.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Let me expound upon that: I Haight to criticise, but how can you expect an unbathed, patchouli drenched, orgy-exhausted, drug-fueled, pseudo-mystic to be aware of what language she used? We should applaud that she can still manage a reasonable approximation of language.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Now I am thoroughly , completely, irrevocably pissed off.

"Orgy-exhausted?" Where the hell do you get off? I suppose there was an invite that didn't come through in the mail.
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Huh! If an invite DID come in the mail, I doubt you would have been able to comprehend it, given the abysmal level of your reading skills, as evidenced by the drivel you come up with regularly.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Wow, we haven't had one of these in a while.

It is funny you refer to reading skills when you apparently haven't used them to read the rules of this game. This game is not about merely insulting someone. Any pigfucker with a gallon of Molson Golden in them can insult someone (Hi,RooK.)
No this game is about locating that which is offensive in the post above yours, and pointing out to them what areas need improvement.

SO, basically while your, um, clever riff on my reading skills has-- oooh hurt me deeply, yes, you big mean man--what exactly were you offended at?

Or are we meant to read your mind? If so, it would be polite to provide a microscope.
 

---

Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
Really Kelly? Really!? Where to begin... Have you heard from the pot lately Ms. Kettle? I don't see where you have kept to those rules either. You say they are at the beginning of the thread but are you sure you haven't just written down your own version on the back of an envelope and then added them in your above reply. Obviously I could check the beginning of the thread but I would lose the edit window.

I think it is disgraceful the way you have insulted poor Oscar. That is before I even mention your outrageous comments on alcholism and bestiality well, quite frankly I am shocked.

[ 03. October 2014, 17:07: Message edited by: Alicïa ]
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I resent your scurrilous contentions. I have been properly offended every step of the way.. Go check yourself. Offense offense offense. Because for me it is not a game but a Higher Calling.
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
I resent your resentment of YOUR projected scurrilous intentions, your IMproper offensive offendednessness, every offensive step of the offensive way. Go OFFEND yourself. You OFFENDER you. ooooOOOOOOOH!!!!! Higher calling my ... hat.
 

---

Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
Your hat Martin? It's not the only hat in town. Lots of people have hats, have you considered that? I thought not. It's all me, me, me, with you lately.
 

---

Posted by fullgospel (# 18233) on :
 
how very dare you drag in all the haTS - and haTters !


I turn my hatty face !


witness our hand this 4th day of October in the year o o l 2045
 

---

Posted by fullgospel (# 18233) on :
 
oh noooo -- now the true offence of duplicity / doubleness !
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
It is good that your gospel is full because your post is empty.
A skinny, twig of a post with nothing to grasp onto. You enter the banquet hall and present a small, weedy, limp stalk of celery. Into a sommelier's personal cellar and you bring grape juice. You strut in to a house of style wearing a formless bag. You drive the Nuremberg Ring in a Reliant Robin.
In other words, you fit right in with the rest of these peasants.
More is the pity.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
Excuse me? Some of us take great pride in our small, weedy, limp stalk of celery. Your comments are flaccidist.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
This is the thing with a post like that. It's gonna draw either mousethief or Chastmastr or both, and they are gonna be all over this thread like flies on a ribroast with puns of escalating horrrificness. Have some foresight before you post pun- bait.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
What is wrong with puns? Are we now going to have an anti-pun campaign? Surely the pun is the essence of humour, the highest attainable level? Is pun-ism going to be the Nest Great Oppression?

Without the pun, where's the fun?
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Good God, that sounds jusy like something GHW Bush would say, complete with dramatic pauses and uneccesary hand gestures. Thank you for bringing back haunting memories of the First Bush era. I dedicate my nightmares to you.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
I am deeply offended that you so summarily dismiss that era which is to all sane members of the human species the apotheosis of the pinnacle of human evolu - um ... creation.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I am deeply shocked that a purported man of the cloth would stutter at such a word as evolu-wotsit!
 

---

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :
 
Why are you dragging cheesy corn-based snacks into this? Wotsits are too messy. What's wrong with Hula Hoops?
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Wotsits, Hula Hoops, you'll be bringing Monster Munch into it next. What is wrong with the simple, humble packet of crisps? Although I really think dragging food around is the height of bad manners and a disgraceful waste of food.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Humble packet of crisps? An item invented by a chef, served to a billionaire in a fit of pique that ended up launching an industry is humble?
Girl, be aware of your ignorance of vaguely historical, semi-attributable anecdotes.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Girl?!

Did you actually refer to Lucia as a girl? Can there be anything more sexist than that? And what about ageist considering she recently passed her mumbleth birthday?

Show some respect!
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
Ageist?! Me?! Though I've not known you long, my dear old friend, I could not possibly have more respect for you than I do. I would never suggest that age has brought you senility, I'm sure that your mental acuity is as strong as it ever was and that there is no way it could degrade.
Your level of knowledge is truly remarkable, I am sure you have forgotten more than you ever knew.
For those who have declaimed "He ain't good for nothing", I have corrected them and said that you are.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
While I forgive much, to misappropriate a lyric about forgetting more than was ever known is a truly heinous bastardization of culture, and a mealy mouthed distortion of poetic genius in order to serve your solipsistic ends.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Zappa, that's a bit personal isn't it? Surely her solipsistic ends are a very private matter for her alone!
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
Zappa, that's a bit personal isn't it? Surely her solipsistic ends are a very private matter for her alone!

---

Butt jokes. Really.

Wod, you gotta give us something to work with here. Lame ass* South Parkian tushie jokes are just not gonna cut it in the high octane offense game we are playing.
Folks, we were limbo'ed once! What happened to us!


* yeah, I know.
 

---

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :
 
I think, for me, it is that I was shocked by the sheer thick-headed, imbecilic, enfeebled, demented, dribbling uttered on a daily basis. It inspired me.
Do not mistake, you have not improved, but I am no longer shocked.


Saddened, disgusted and sometimes nauseated, but no longer shocked.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
Frankly, this cauterizing of your negligible ability to discern any nuance of human response, ranging from the emetologous to the lachrymologous, is precisely why you typify the disinterested, statuesque indifference of post modernity's response to humanity's apocalyptic hour of crisis.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I'm offended that on a supposedly English language website people can get away with posting such a load of twaddle.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
It saddens me that noble heights (though I say so myself ) of English composition are so cavalierly denigrated.
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
That I find a hugely offensive statement - I am a Republican [in its proper meaning] and would surely have been on the side of the roundheads during the war between Royal Tyranny and the wishes of the Free Peoples of Britain.
 

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