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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Are you saved?
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Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
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Posted
I've been trying to Google some funny and witty responses to the question "Are you saved"? and have come up with only one:
Q)) Are you saved?
A) Damned if I'm not!
I'm kind of thinking along these kind of lines too:
Q) How are you?
1) My lawyer says I don't have to answer that question.
2) Look left and right and say "Why, what have you heard?"
3) I am fantastic and feeling astonishingly glorious!
Or one I came up with :
Q) Are you saved?
A) Yep. Clicked on the icon
You got one?
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a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
No. But I'm invested.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
I saw a sign outside a Church saying,
"Jesus saves, Romans 5:1"
I thought "For people who believe in God, they don't have much faith in his son with odds like that."
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Alan Cresswell
Mad Scientist 先生
# 31
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Posted
Q)) Are you saved?
A) Fuck, yes!
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Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
I once answered the question "After you die, do you think you will go to Heaven or to Hell?" with "Undoubtedly the latter. But at least the beer will be better."
(I was rather proud of this one. I usually suck at finding good ad hoc answers to these questions, only thinking of what I should have said afterwards ![[Smile]](smile.gif) )
[ 19. October 2015, 08:22: Message edited by: LeRoc ]
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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BroJames
Shipmate
# 9636
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Posted
Q. Have you found, Jesus?
A. I don't know he was lost.
Posts: 3374 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2005
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
Q. Have you been converted?
A. What, to North Sea gas?
For the uninitiated (or those who are just plain Too Young), when they discovered gas in the North Sea in the 60s/early 70s, people had to have their systems "converted" to run on it.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
Or that old favourite, well-known to readers of Adrian Plass:
Q: Do you have assurance?
A: Yes, I'm with the Woolwich.
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Or going back even further...
Jesus saves - but St John* scores on the rebound.
*Ian St John. Obviously.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Oscar the Grouch
Adopted Cascadian
# 1916
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by BroJames:
Q. Have you found, Jesus?
A. I don't know he was lost.
My favourite is this:
I found Jesus!
(He was hiding behind the curtains)
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Faradiu, dundeibáwa weyu lárigi weyu
Posts: 3871 | From: Gamma Quadrant, just to the left of Galifrey | Registered: Dec 2001
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Anglicano
Shipmate
# 18476
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Posted
"Jesus saves"
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".....and Keegan scores from the rebound". 1970's graffiti, England.
Posts: 61 | From: Cheshire, England | Registered: Sep 2015
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Spike
Mostly Harmless
# 36
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Posted
Jesus saves. Moses invests.
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"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing
Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001
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Mere Nick
Shipmate
# 11827
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Posted
Jesus saves but George Nelson withdraws.
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"Well that's it, boys. I've been redeemed. The preacher's done warshed away all my sins and transgressions. It's the straight and narrow from here on out, and heaven everlasting's my reward."
Delmar O'Donnell
Posts: 2797 | From: West Carolina | Registered: Sep 2006
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roybart
Shipmate
# 17357
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Posted
Jesus saves ... at the Vatican Bank.
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"The consolations of the imaginary are not imaginary consolations."
-- Roger Scruton
Posts: 547 | From: here | Registered: Sep 2012
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
Jesus saves. We're trying to get him into therapy for that hoarding problem.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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alienfromzog
Ship's Alien
# 5327
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Posted
When asked if he was saved, St Adrian of Plass apparently answered with "I am a member of the MCC"
"I fail to see how that will help you on the Last Day" replied the questioner
"Madam, membership of the Marylebone Cricket Club always guarantees one entrance the the Lords enclosure"
![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
Feel free to groan.
AFZ
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Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.
[Sen. D.P.Moynihan]
An Alien's View of Earth - my blog (or vanity exercise...)
Posts: 2150 | From: Zog, obviously! Straight past Alpha Centauri, 2nd planet on the left... | Registered: Dec 2003
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Oscar the Grouch:
... (He was hiding behind the curtains)
Like this?
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Then there's the classic
"Jesus saves S&H Green Stamps."
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Galilit
Shipmate
# 16470
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by alienfromzog:
When asked if he was saved, St Adrian of Plass apparently answered with "I am a member of the MCC"
"I fail to see how that will help you on the Last Day" replied the questioner
"Madam, membership of the Marylebone Cricket Club always guarantees one entrance the the Lords enclosure"
Feel free to groan.
AFZ
...and here was me thinking Metropolitan Community Church
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She who does Her Son's will in all things can rely on me to do Hers.
Posts: 624 | From: a Galilee far, far away | Registered: Jun 2011
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