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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Presents you might regret giving
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Truman White
Shipmate
# 17290
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Posted
When it comes to bringing a smile to Mrs White on Christmas morn, I usually do a decent job on the prezzie front. Only time I semi-bombed was the year I got her a foot spa.
"You got me a foot spa Truman..."
"That's right luv"
"It's a bucket Truman"
"It's a precision engineered bucket me darlin' "
"It's a bucket you fill with water Truman"
"Yeah - warm, soothing water..."
"Truman - it's a bucket you fill with water, then plug into the mains!"
Not really the message I was trying to get across ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
So hows about the rest of us. Any prezzies that got taken the wrong way?
Posts: 476 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
I bought clothes for Mrs Sioni. Real clothes, a bit ethnic perhaps, but that was the last time, 37 years ago. Since then it's been bags, books, perfume, usually carefully selected from hints dropped to our daughters who relay the information to me. It's rarely exciting, but there are few disasters now.
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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Og, King of Bashan
Ship's giant Amorite
# 9562
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Posted
I came up with the brilliant idea of bringing scratch-off lottery tickets to a white elephant gift exchange, to add an extra layer of tension. You might be trading your present for a worthless piece of paper, you might be trading it for $5,000.00!
I have since been convinced that, if I ever did include a jackpot-winning ticket, not only would I hate myself for giving away several mortgage payments, but whoever was dispossessed of the tickets during the game would really resent the person who eventually ended up with the winning ticket.
So I went back to the old stand-by, the box of wine. Because you can laugh and pretend to be grossed out all you want, but you know you would end up drinking the thing.
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"I like to eat crawfish and drink beer. That's despair?" ― Walker Percy
Posts: 3259 | From: Denver, Colorado, USA | Registered: May 2005
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
I bought clothes for Mrs Sioni. Real clothes, a bit ethnic perhaps, but that was the last time, 37 years ago.
We went on our honeymoon then. I bought her a sweatshirt for Christmas last year, a pullover with hood last Christmas which she wore last night because we were singing outside. She
knows my sizes and could outfit me with everything but shoes.
I regret giving my little brother anything, as in spite of being the wealthiest person in our family today, he rarely reciprocates. The last gift we got from him was VCR. We've never hooked it up to our current television.
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
I can and do buy everything for my husband including his shoes. He is a computer guy, and does not care about clothing except that wearing clothes keeps the police from arresting him. So i get to dress him as I like to see him.
The reverse of this medal is that I am very picky about clothing indeed. After a certain age women know that the most important criterion for any item of clothing is that it looks and feels fantastic. There is a universe of wearables out there, an infinity of mediocre clothing that looks ugly on you. It is your duty to buy none of it. This tight filter means that my husband should never buy clothing for me. He knows to buy cooking equipment instead.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Not me, my friend's father: his wife had mentioned that the coal hod was looking a little tired and so for Christmas he bought he a coal scuttle.
Not a decorative one, but a bog-standard, plain as plain coal scuttle.
She returned it to him for his birthday in March - the same coal scuttle, but now with the addition of several dents (from where she had thrown it at him on Christmas morning) and a festive bow.
He got the hint.
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
Someone else's overheard furious comments on Boxing Day about her husband's gift of bog standard wellington boots together with gardening equipment. Not that she actually liked gardening. He did.
I don't think the offending item was secateurs. My memories are probably of her fantasies of what she would have done on receipt of long-armed secateurs.
[ 05. December 2015, 18:17: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
According to legend, my grandfather gave my grandmother this hilarious novelty item as an (are you ready?) anniversary present.
"What am I supposed to do wih this?"
"You could put pins in it..."
She laughed it out the window into the back yard, where it smashed to smithereens. $200, Gramma. ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
Several Christmasses ago, I got a present which, fortunately for the North East Man, I have grown to love a lot.
The story goes: My son wanted pet cockateils and I said absolutely not, no way, nuh-uh, under no circumstances, they will just create extra housework for me and I have more than enough housework already. But the North East Man overruled me, claiming that the responsibility of pets would be good for our son, and there would be no extra work for me.
And in fairness to the North East Man he was genuinely surprised when it turned out that I was right. He regretted that his time was too precious to do any of the extra housework himself, but he did sympathise. ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
My main gripe was that cockateils spit seed husks all over the carpet and if these aren't hoovered up Every. Single. Day. then they attach themselves to people's feet and get tracked through the house.
Given my vehement opposition to the birds in the first place, you can imagine how I felt about hoovering Every. Single. Bloody. Day.
So the North East Man gave me a Roomba (robot vacuum cleaner) for my Christmas.
Yup, I got a vacuum cleaner for my Christmas. Fortunately my Roomba ("Bob") was very sweet, and won me over. Indeed for a while I was more affectionate towards Bob than I was towards the North East Man....
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
I have a usual type cleaner bought to be the upstairs cleaner when I lived with son and his wife. It works really well but I find it awkward to assemble and use with arthritis n various places. Last time I used it, I sat on a chair in middle of room and turned 360°.
On the other hand, I empty Esmeralda's guts regularly and set her going again. So easy. People say such cleaners do not suck dust but only collect what is brushed. I know several Roomba owners and we all say we see the sucked up fine dust on the filter. Mine was a present too. From me to me.
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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Graven Image
Shipmate
# 8755
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Posted
After nearly 50 years of marriage we have given up on buying each other gifts. I never could buy Mr Image clothes. There is very little we want or need at this stage. So we simply each buy ourselves a small gift and come Christmas morning I open the gift he bought himself and he opens mine so we each have a surprise. For out birthday because they are one week apart we take ourselves out to dinner. Everyone is happy. Everything fits.
Posts: 2641 | From: Third planet from the sun. USA | Registered: Nov 2004
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Stercus Tauri
Shipmate
# 16668
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Posted
It's hopeless, but after 43 years of marriage we have agreed to a kind of truce.
"I would like a pair of shoes for Christmas."
"Yes, my beloved"
"You may come with me to choose them, stand there holding your wallet and then tell me how much you like them."
"Yes, my beloved."
I have ordered my own Christmas present, a small volume on 19th century steam locomotives, from an on line second hand bookseller.
These things, plus a bottle of sherry, will ensure a happy Christmas for all concerned.
[ 08. December 2015, 15:59: Message edited by: Stercus Tauri ]
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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)
Posts: 905 | From: On the traditional lands of the Six Nations. | Registered: Sep 2011
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
I haven't been married quite as long ... but I have now been out twice with my wife, trying (unsuccessfully) to buy the right pair of slippers for my present. (She is easy to get presents for, partly because I drive and she doesn't!)
By the way, if you'd like to pop your old railway book back in the post and send it in this direction, I'm sure I should be most grateful ..... (What is it? It sounds fascinating).
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
A present you might regret giving? Definitely do not give your wife a bottle of weed killer and the screw on applicator wand for it. Do not ask any more.
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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bib
Shipmate
# 13074
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Posted
A few Christmas mornings ago I woke to find a new very bright pink vacuum cleaner under the tree just waiting for my use. It was not even the brand I would have bought for myself. However, I went off to church and after reflection decided that I would be grown up about the vacuum and thank hubby when I got home but ask him if it would be ok if I swapped it for a different vacuum cleaner. Arrived home to be met by a beaming husband who informed me that he had just vacuumed the whole house for me, so that I didn't need to vacuum today!! Still got the ugly cleaner and I use it as little as possible. Still got the husband but he is on borrowed time.
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"My Lord, my Life, my Way, my End, accept the praise I bring"
Posts: 1307 | From: Australia | Registered: Oct 2007
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
It's hopeless, but after 43 years of marriage we have agreed to a kind of truce.
"I would like a pair of shoes for Christmas."
"Yes, my beloved"
"You may come with me to choose them, stand there holding your wallet and then tell me how much you like them."
"Yes, my beloved."
I have ordered my own Christmas present, a small volume on 19th century steam locomotives, from an on line second hand bookseller.
These things, plus a bottle of sherry, will ensure a happy Christmas for all concerned.
It's like that here to be honest, and like Baptist Trainfan I'd like to know more about the book.
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lothlorien:
A present you might regret giving? Definitely do not give your wife a bottle of weed killer and the screw on applicator wand for it. Do not ask any more.
OMG. I won't ask. But I can speculate on a wife's possible reactions...which hopefully wouldn't include the actual week killer...or the wand...
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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cattyish
Wuss in Boots
# 7829
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Posted
I'm nonplussed about the microphone. I do sing; that's good fun. I sing opera. I have been presented (early, so that I can get used to using it) with a high-quality vocal microphone and the bits to plug it into the computer. I have also been given various suggestions for what I can try to sing (no opera; all pop or rock) and was instructed to buy myself some snazzy clothing to wear for the videos which Mr C is going to edit for me. It all seems a bit like I've inadvertently fallen into a record contract I didn't ask for. Mr C doesn't like my voice. His further comments are; "Do you still sing then?" (Yes, but I know you don't like it so I do it elsewhere.) and "You could try singing a bit more quietly and more breathy style than screetchy." I'm not flattered. I'm not even all that sure I want to record myself with a backing track since singing with the choir in public is usually more fun. Fighting the computer is not fun.
I think I'd rather have a hoover.
Cattyish, avoiding talking to Mr C about it.
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...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Posts: 1794 | From: Scotland | Registered: Jul 2004
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Stercus Tauri
Shipmate
# 16668
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
quote:
Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
It's hopeless,
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.
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I have ordered my own Christmas present, a small volume on 19th century steam locomotives, from an on line second hand bookseller.
These things, plus a bottle of sherry, will ensure a happy Christmas for all concerned.
It's like that here to be honest, and like Baptist Trainfan I'd like to know more about the book.
OK. One request might lead to a tangent that would irritate a sensitive Host, but two implies serious interest in a matter of consequence to those gathered here. The book is Steam Locomotives of the South African Railways: vol. 1, Donald Holland, 1971. It baffles my Dear Wife, but just thinking about it is keeping me awake at nights.
Got the shoes, by the way. They were embarrassingly cheap, so we may have to buy some more.
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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)
Posts: 905 | From: On the traditional lands of the Six Nations. | Registered: Sep 2011
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
Ah, not so interesting then (I know next to nothing about the South African railways).
Our Slipper Quest has not yet ceased ...
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Stercus Tauri
Shipmate
# 16668
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
Ah, not so interesting then (I know next to nothing about the South African railways).
Normally, the focus of my devotions is Scottish railways, and Christmas rarely passes without a book on the subject. Have to say that I've never regretted giving myself such a present. But a few recent weeks in incredibly beautiful places where I could pay homage to real live Beyer Garratts was a transformational experience. Life will never be quite the same again.
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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)
Posts: 905 | From: On the traditional lands of the Six Nations. | Registered: Sep 2011
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