Ship of Fools: 2G. Transgenerational Trauma

Thread: 2G. Transgenerational Trauma Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :

This is those of us whose parents survived being refugees, typically survived circumstances severe enough that they saw others not survive, survived against odds, and developed unquestioned ways of living framed around avoiding parallel pain.

For me, my father's family escaped Germany in 1935 and got British passports in Singapore in July 1939, getting out to San Francisco in Jan 1942. I never understood my father's level of privacy, emotional restraint with his family, suspiciousness, willingness to consider wholesale change, and fear/rage.

The effects weren't obvious until I was at least 50. My 30ish children began to ask why I operated similarly in many ways, and why I was so deliberate about life. I contrast with my father in risk taking. I responded to his seeking of security with easy risk taking.

Anyone else experienced some 2G stuff?

Posted by Evangeline (# 7002) on :

My parents were largely shielded from trauma growing up in Australia.

This isn't answering your question but I was struck by how prescient your father was to get out of Germany and Singapore in the nick of time. I suspect your Dad might have always been risk averse hence his very wise decisions to flee impending threats.

Good luck for working through the issues you raise.

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

We have a whole community of 2G and 1G people who went through the Vietnam war/camp/boat people experience. And yes, it has marked them and their children as well.
The main thing I see is that 1G survivors have no emotional 2nd, 3rd or 4th gear. They go straight from 0 to 60 mph in one second--one minute they're just fine, and the next they're in a flaming rage or all out panic mode. There is no such thing as "mildly annoyed."
Their children carry the scars of living with parents who operate that way. They do themselves have the middle gears, but they tend to shy away from things that might cause their parents to flip out. And they have a pretty good idea of where those landmines lie.

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :

The middle gear concept is an excellent one. Describes it exactly.

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :

I'm not sure this phenomenon applies solely to people whose migration through extreme trauma involves a transfer of cultures, countries, and languages in addition to the trauma, though that certainly could exacerbate the effects.

My mother was a 0-to-90 person. She was, at her best, a fairly dour person, smiling and laughing only rarely, and apparently unaware that something called "affection" existed, much less could be demonstrated with physical gestures or words.

She'd be going about her home activities (for obvious reasons, I never observed her at her employment, which changed fairly frequently) in her usual unsmiling way, when something -- it was rarely clear what -- would send her over some edge, and she'd be screaming, flailing at one of her children with a belt or leash or whatever implement came to hand, hurling only occasionally coherent verbal abuse.

At quieter times, she would tell stories of her own childhood growing up on a small New England farm, raised by her grandmother. These stories painted an idyllic picture of the ideal childhood.

It was only in adulthood that I learned that my mother and a younger brother had been taken by grandmother from their runaway teen-aged mother and brought to that farm, where (under grandmother's care -- the grandmother from whom the teenaged mom had run away) the younger brother died under mysterious circumstances and my mother was constantly shuttled from one aunt or uncle to another, apparently to reduce her exposure to said grandmother.

Never once during her lifetime (she is no longer with us) did my mother ever acknowledge any of this. I'm convinced, though, that she both witnessed and received horrendous abuse, and had no other model to follow in rearing her own four children.

Poor mom. I'm sure she did the best she could with what she'd been given. How does this affect me? Long ago, I made a decision not to marry or have children, and I am a very cautious, deliberate person.

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :

I have wondered if trauma from war and conflict etc are not the normal manner of human existence for much of the world. In others, has been avoided for generations.

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :

quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
I have wondered if trauma from war and conflict etc are not the normal manner of human existence for much of the world. In others, has been avoided for generations.

I suspect you're right. In fact, what's surprising, perhaps, is that so many of us regard dislocation, deprivation, fear, and insecurity as abnormal, when in fact it seems to be the lot of most of humankind.

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

I've put the no-middle-gears thing down to PTSD--and probably complex PTSD at that, the kind that is caused by repeated and varied traumas, especially early in life. War and imprisonment can do that to you, but I'm sure child abuse could also.

Posted by Belle Ringer (# 13379) on :

I missed this at the time.

Yes it makes sense.

Story time --

I went to a shrink, she said I come from an alcoholic family, I figured she plops one diagnosis on everyone; I never went back.

Months later I saw an ad for "come learn about Adult Children of Alcoholics" and I went because AA is part of the culture so I should learn a bit about it. In the presentation, they described the personality of an adult child of an alcoholic. They described my family.

They said the characteristics are passed down to the next generation, and even through multiple generations, *if not dealt with.*

I asked my aunt "who was the alcoholic in the family?" expecting to hear "no one" but instead she said "Granddaddy" and gave details that made clear he was an out of control habitual abuser of alcohol with destructive effects on his life and his family's.

Her grandfather, that's my great grandfather - and there's no alcohol abuser in the family since him, but even I, the 4th generation, reflect characteristics of an adult child of an alcoholic.

Based on the alcohol example, it makes sense to me that the 2nd generation and possibly the third can suffer effects of the trauma the first generation experienced. Not necessarily WILL experience effects, but can. I guess when trauma changes someone's behaviors, everyone around the traumatized is affected by the behavioral changes; those effects become unthinking dysfunctional habits.

With alcohol, a common issue is suppression of emotions because the family have to walk on eggshells all the time, not knowing what minor thing will trigger the alcoholic's rage. Walking on eggshells becomes an unthinking habit. Worse, it becomes an assumption that this is how one survives.

With a refugee, it may be something quite different - maybe inability to trust, or to feel safe, or - some of you Shipmates know.

The solution apparently has to do with identifying the crippling emotion or assumption, recognize it is crippling, learn that it is not useful now even if it once was essential for survival, learning healthier attitudes.

PTSD is related. A shrink used EMDR on me to resolve most of my PTSD. Very effective. (In USA) EMDR has a billing code and is covered by some insurances. Expensive if you pay out of pocket.

I am not a therapist.

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