quote:

---

Originally posted by piglet:
and resorted to using a gamp, sire.

---

I had to Google gamp . So, now I know
 

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Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
but Dublin with Biddy Mulligan
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
... who sold fruits and the tastiest filberts.

A young Archimandrite named Theo...
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Had a fondness for women named Cleo.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
He had to resist
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
His wish to insist
 

---

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
Which was hard, for he loved them con brio

A poet addicted to sonnets
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
Had a fondness for girls in poke bonnets
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
He would write each an ode
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
In a top secret code
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
That they couldn't decipher, doggone it!

The bishop was walking his beagle
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
When the dog got scooped up by an eagle.

[ 06. May 2014, 01:29: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

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Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 
"Doggone!" quoth the Bish,
 

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Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
The dog thought, "I'm no fish",

[ 06. May 2014, 04:55: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
"And I thought fishing here was illegal!"

While strolling one day through the park
 

---

Posted by MrsBeaky (# 17663) on :
 
I espied a tree with no bark
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
'Oh, p...lease!' said the tree,
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
"don't make fun out of me!"
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Having no bark's not a lark.

When singing one day in the choir
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
the music got higher and higher
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Stained-glass windows shattered
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
The altar cross clattered
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And the bats all flew out of the spire.

A grey pussycat called 'Vanilla'
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Modelled her style on Godzilla
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
She'd claw you to pieces
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
That tasted like Reese's
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
At underground clubs in Manila.

A heretical pastor named Wally
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
liked to drink Bolly & Stolly
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
As he said 'kiss the bride'
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
His muttered aside
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Was a terrible booze induced folly.

There was a chef so determined and bold
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
He served plums that were thirty years old.
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Their texture was coarse
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
with gorse as a sauce
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And a luscious green topping of mould!

A whisky based cocktail, well shaken
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and flavoured, just a little with bacon
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Will peel off the paint

[ 08. May 2014, 15:06: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

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Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And make strong men faint
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
And even the dead will awaken

A bishop in apron and gaiters
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Was peeling a mound of potatoes
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
With every spud
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
which he cut, there was blood
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
which he fed to his pet alligators!

There once was a boy from West Ealing
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who woke up with a terrible feeling
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
He groaned, "Never again!"
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Will I eat a game hen
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
That flew from the pot to the ceiling.

A lady from York bought a horse
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
with reins and side-saddle, of course.
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
She rode it in style
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
For a third of a mile
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And everyone thought she was Norse.

A pirate who sailed out of Biscay
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
sailed on for a year and a day
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
If he'd had G.P.S.,
 

---

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 
He'd have reached the U.S.,
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Instead of on the Isle of Cathay.


There once was an inventive chippy*


* deliberately ambiguous - UK usage would allow either a chip shop (sells fish and chips) or a carpenter.
 

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Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
Who liked to wear rose red lippy,
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
He hammered and sawed
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
'cause the fish wasn't thawed
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
(This poem has got rather trippy!)

Last night on the news they announced
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
That UKIP all others had trounced
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Twas heard from Mr Farage
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
On his Dutch canal barge
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Ere his shipmate upon him had pounced.

Espying a fish out of water
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I opened my hand and I caught her
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
took her to the pond
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
waved my magical wand
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
to reunite her with her daughter.

Whenever I'm in Drumnadrochit

[ 13. May 2014, 15:45: Message edited by: piglet ]
 

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Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I take some of your hair in my locket
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
For I'm trained as a barber
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And work near the harbour
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Next door to the Gerbil and Sprocket.

One night, when out on the razzle
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I danced myself into a frazzle
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
First a waltz, then a tango
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
Then a rest for a mango
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And plenty of 'bling', to dazzle.

A ginger moggie called Brian
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
had delusions of being a lion
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
He paced and he growled
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Which was more than allowed
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
But you can't say the cat wasn't tryin'!

The Altar Guild was in a tizzy
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Morning, noon, night they were busy
 

---

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
They starched and they starched
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Until they were parched
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Their reward was Prosecco - its fizzy!

A woman with morals inferior
 

---

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
Once met an old monk from Siberia
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Queried he, "Art thou saved?"
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
She said, "Yes - I've behaved!"
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Albeit from motives that were somewhat ulterior.

One day, being in need of a plumber
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I contacted 'Dumber and Dumber'
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
Now my taps won't turn off
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
and I bathe in a trough
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But never in middle of summer.

There was a young lad from Chicago
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Who thought he was Dr Zhivago.
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
He galloped the steppes
 

---

Posted by Tree Bee (# 4033) on :
 
And worked on his pecs
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
- the pictures are under embargo.

A bishop too short for his mitre
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
reached for his ciggies and lighter
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
The shelf was too high
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
so, with a sigh,
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
He sucked in his chest a bit tighter.

While swimming one day in the Thames
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
It started to rain M&Ms
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
It rained for so long
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and the current so strong
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
I was drowning in sweet, coloured gems.

A mermaid who only spoke French
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
got friendly with a freshwater tench
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
When she stroked his wet scales
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
He replied, "les fiançailles!"
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
The wedding was quite an event.

There was a man from Aberystwyth
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Who married his cariad from Machynlleth
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
He said 'O, my Myfanwy!...
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
...can we? Oh can we?
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
... fly to Wales on a big hippogriff?

There was a bartender named Charley
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Whose breath reeked of overripe barley.
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
And the smell of stale hops
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
repelled all the fops
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Who went home and toked up to Bob Marley.

Someone else can start the next one.
 

---

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
Someone else can start the next one
for i'd rather not have too much fun
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
It stresses me out
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Well, then:

There once was a stressed-out old Shipmate
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who took on too much on his plate
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
He pondered and wondered
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
He raged and he thundered
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Then gave up and went out on a date!

There once was a young lass called Lynn
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
Who thought she was fat but she's thin
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
She started a regime
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Of pickles in cream
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Which her pastor condemned as a sin.

A tourist got lost in the Alps
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And encountered a cache of fresh scalps.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
all neatly arrayed
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
by the Church Lads' Brigade
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Which gave him a fit of the 'palps'!

There was a small dog from Gibraltar
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
who swam all the way over to Malta
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
where he found a cute bitch
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
concealed in a ditch
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
But being dogs they avoided the altar.

It's May and there's still ice on the lake
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
So this morning some dashing young rake
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Showed off his new skates
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
To his mum and his mates
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
But found out too late they'd no brake.

Strumming one day on my dulcimer
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I turned up the stove to a full simmer.
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
The strings all got burnt
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And the lesson I've learnt...
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
is of hope, I haven't a glimmer!

When walking the broad streets of fife
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
He goes hand in hand with his wife
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
their kids are there, too
 

---

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
With their pet kangaroo
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Called Keith, originally from Fife.

Last Sunday the Dean caused a commotion
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
He was spotted with calamine lotion!
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
As he mounted the pulpit
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
His dress quite decrepit
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
he remembered he should be in Coton

There was a ventriloquist from Filey
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Whose demeanor was really quite smiley,
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
His dummies, however...
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
whatever the weather
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Frowned disapprovingly at young Miley.

There was a young girl went to Huddersfield
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
(I have a horible feeling that the last line of this might end in 'udders feeled')
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
She loved to roll over in a muddy field
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
She rolled into a cow
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
(yes, the udders are getting closer, unless someone will be kind enough to prove me wrong...)
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who was udderless -- wow!
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Now star of a freak show in Petersfield.

The thunder was loud and quite frightening
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
and the air was electric with lightning
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
A little white mouse
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
scuttled into my house
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Just as the weather was brightening.

For this year's late May Spring Bank Holiday
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
decided to be a bit risque
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
Took off all my clothes
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
put a ring in my nose
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And had a quick roll in the hay.

For the weekend I have a big plan
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
which involves not a quiche but a flan
 

---

Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :
 
Volovants, dainties,
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Presented so quaintly
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And all to please . . . guess who . . . a man!

When trimming the garden last weekend
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
A motorbike roared round the bend
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
He pulled into a skid
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
into the compost he slid
 

---

Posted by DangerousDeacon (# 10582) on :
 
Now he knows that the road was a dead end.

There was a young theist from Sydney
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
who donated his precious left kidney
 

---

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :
 
But the one on the right
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
he held onto tight
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
[edited for top of page]

There was a young theist from Sydney
who donated his precious left kidney
But the one on the right
he held onto tight ---

Because he wanted to keep it, di'n't he!

There was a young lass from New Jersey

[ 26. May 2014, 15:39: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who never ate chocolate from Hershey.
 

---

Posted by Dal Segno (# 14673) on :
 
She said "It tastes weird...
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
And gets stuck in my beard,"

[ 26. May 2014, 21:53: Message edited by: Doublethink ]
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
"And makes quite a mess of my fur, see?"

My mother wears nothing but plaid
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
Stripes or polkas drive her quite mad,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
She's fine with a kilt
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Or a tartan-themed quilt
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Except when she visits Baghdad.

Father Oscar said something profound
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Each time he walked on hallowed ground
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But he held his tongue
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
When the church bells were rung
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
By an oath he was legally bound.

A strapping young laddie from Yonkers
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Who was nice, but his friends were all plonkers.
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
He bought them ice-creams
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Then formed two teams
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who spent the whole day playing conkers.

There was once a sweet girl from Newmarket
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who drove a car, but couldn't park it.
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
She got stuck in reverse
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but even worse
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
She uttered at last, "Oh, go f--- it!"

Last weekend I stayed at the Hilton
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Where they served the most terrible biltong,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
The one just outside New Milton
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Sorry, scrub my offering!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Last weekend I stayed at the Hilton
Where they served the most terrible biltong,

With chips and baked beans
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Next to roast human beings,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
On a bed of what looked like Wilton!

When crossing the Forth Bridge by train
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I thought I was going insane
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
I'd been headed for Brisbane,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
via Paris and Lisbon
 

---

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :
 
But ended up back here again!


I once knew an old man named Burt
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
With whom all the young ladies would flirt,
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
For despite his great age
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
He could always upstage
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
All the lads, when he took off his shirt.

A fading old belle from Kentucky
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Always thought herself not very lucky.
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
The boys who came courtin'
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Wasn't into cavortin
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
'Cos her garden was often quite mucky.

There once was a shipmate named Ken
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
whose clock stopped at twenty past ten
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
His post count was mighty
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
His eloquence sprightly
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
We'll miss him, and say "Remember when...?"


Someone else can start the next one!
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
They say that on most nights in Blighty
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
Where the girls are attractive, though flighty,
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
For the price of a gin
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Or a glass of French vin
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
They'll give you a glimpse of their nightie.

An exhausted young dad of quintuplets
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
wrote verse in very bad couplets
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
'til on one sleepless night,
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
His wife replied 'Right'
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Just be grateful that they're not nonuplets.

A radiant young maiden named Carys
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
wed a Scot who wove tweed on Harris
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
As he sat at his loom
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
He had a feeling of doom
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
So took the next flight down to Paris!

When driving myself around Bath
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
I was thinking of Sylvia Plath,
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
I got slightly depressed,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and needed a rest
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And a cure from a homeopath.

While dining in old San Francisco
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
I ordered a big plate of Crisco
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
With some lard on the side,
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
It came breaded and fried
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
With a plate of dessert from Nabisco.

They say when you're in New Orleans,

[ 30. May 2014, 22:02: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
You'll be surrounded by darlings*

__________

* Rhymes with Orleans when pronounced as they do down there.
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
Don't address them as "luvvie"
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
To them you think you're above thee
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
Though to others it may seem quite charming.

(My, that was hard work... )

This evening it's stir fry for tea
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Lest by chance you are stung by a bee.
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
Keep the fly swatter handy
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
If the pests should get randy
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And buzz onto a crispy snow pea.

An ant once went off to explore
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
(He'd a fancy to reach the earth's core)
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But on leaving the hill
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
He found, with a thrill,
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
A boat rigged with sails, but no oar.

While nibbling on toast spread with Stilton
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
for breakfast when I stayed at the Hilton
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
I realised that cheese
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Had fallen on my knees
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Where I had my kilt on.

Now the Embro trams are running
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
but they can't get even one in
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I'll stick with my bike
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Or my thumb to hitch-hike
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
But from climbing up Rose Street, I'm done in.

My computer contracted a virus
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
when I searched for that young Miley Cyrus
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Twerking Pope Francis
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
The nuns got their chances
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
To write it all down on papyrus.

While walking my cute little poodle
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
My wife and I stopped to canoodle
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
just by the duck pond
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
When along came a blonde
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Eating a stinky Pot Noodle

In the long summer nights of New Hampshire
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
we sat eating our bread and our jam, sire
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
When a firefly glowed
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And distant cows lowed
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And we sang jolly songs round the camp fire.

A bearded old sailor from France
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
was stranded in Perth with no pants.
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
But his ultra-long whiskers
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
stopped lascivious friskers
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
From taking a quite risque chance.

There was a young lad from Milwaukee
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
Who sang in a voice thin and squawky
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
There was a young lad from Milwaukee
Who sang in a voice thin and squawky

But as he grew older
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And the weather grew colder
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
He stopped singing and just played hockey.

A pious young nun from Atlanta
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
Published her memoirs in Granta.
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But the Brits thought this belle
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
had no story to tell
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
So she drowned all her woes in orange Fanta.

My wife can be seen on Page 3
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Posing topless hugging a tree
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
To the one who thus snapped her
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
I say 'You're a cad sir'
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
"She is usually found hugging me."

The remarkable Vicar of Kew
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
"She is usually found hugging me."

The remarkable Vicar of Kew
 

---

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :
 
Found himself in a clerical stew
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
His last sermon, you see,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
was about Zebedee
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
And in so doing, he jumped on a pew.

I once knew a boy from Tintagel
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who strained 'neath the weight of his satchel
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Muttered he: "Oh, these books!"
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
As the crowd gave him looks
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
Though his strain was more put-on than actual.

May I break with tradition and post the first two lines? It's a limerick that Tom Driberg set for his friend Constant Lambert, and Lambert finished it (while giving a piano recital!) and I've always wondered how he might have done it.

The Bishop of Glasgow and Galloway
Preferred Artie Shaw to Cab Calloway
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
Neither liked him
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Nor yet young Tim
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Put his book of Pensées by Pascal away.

The altar guild ladies were vexed

[ 06. June 2014, 16:12: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
They couldn't decide what was next
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Breaking Bad or The Wire
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
or maybe The Choir
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Or readings from Semiotext(e).

My boyfriend wears wretched cologne
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
'cos he thinks he's a young Al Capone
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
So high does he reek
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
That our friends cannot speak
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
'Cuz his fragrance is so overblown.

An old couple named Elmer and Edith

[ 07. June 2014, 00:51: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
dined on cold tea and warm bara brith
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Breakfasted on laverbread
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
like heroes they fed
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
on crempog, Welsh cakes, cawl and forthwith.


There once was a cyclist from Paris

eta a slightly better rhythm

[ 07. June 2014, 11:47: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Who had a most terrible pain in the Arris
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
So he jumped in the Seine
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But alas, 'twas in vain
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Though it got him a gig with Chuck Barris.

There once was a drunken old brawler
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Known widely as a pub-crawler
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
He once had a fight
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
When horrendously tight
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
And was sent out to sea in a trawler.

There once was a diligent church worker
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
Whose priest was summat a twerker
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
He'd hop on the altar
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Really, he didn't oughta
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
To remove every last little lurker.

There was once a fair maiden from Bognor
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
Who cooked great spaghetti bologna
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But her use of hot peppers
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And items from various lepers
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 

quote:

---

There was once a fair maiden from Bognor
Who cooked great spaghetti bologna
But her use of hot peppers
And items from various lepers

---

Combined, made her spectacles fog more.


On Pentecost, the vicar wore red panties
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
red girdle and various fancies
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And to top it all off
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
He hired The Hoff
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
To dance the fandango in scanties.

[ 09. June 2014, 17:35: Message edited by: Doublethink ]
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Next line, Doublethink?
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Oops, sorry the dipsy host cried,
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I feel like I've let down the side!
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I've emptied the GIN
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and opened a tin
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Of biscuits, but on the stale side.

While swimming one day in the ocean
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
I saw blue whales cause a commotion
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
The waves that that they made
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Made me very afraid
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
So to stay on the beach, that's my notion.


While wandering deep in the forest
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
I was knocked in the air - Mini-Morrised!
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But to my surprise
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
I spied with my eyes
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
it was an Austin, and the driver a florist!

When cycling on down the main road
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
I very nearly ran over a toad
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
It croaked out a warning
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
at four in the morning
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but sadly it croaked it in code.

A lovely young maiden called Sue
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
cooked her stepmother in a fondue.
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
When fully she'd melted
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Poor Sue was pelted
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
With toast bits all coated with goo!

There was a young lad from Poughkeepsie*


______

* po-KIP-see
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Whose girlfriend was terribly dipsy
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
All through Dutchess County
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
she kept scoffing Bounties
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
So much that she almost got tipsy.

There's nothing to watch on TV
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
he said with inordinate glee
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
But if I can find the remote
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and the bones of a goat
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
I can summon a ghost in my teepee

When walking the streets of old Durham
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
My thoughts weren't entirely pure, um
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I puffed up to the castle
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
With a red sequinned tassel
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
to scope out young maidens and lure 'em.

I'd say that that the typical Shippie
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
On their shoulder does have a big chippie
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
And under their hat
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
There's room for some "tat"
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Cos they still live the life of a hippie.

Whilst driving down a one way street

[edited to fix boldfacing error]

[ 13. June 2014, 00:11: Message edited by: Amanda B. Reckondwythe ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I noticed a cow with one teat.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Says I to the cow
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Please tell me how
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Did you and your giant bull meet?

One summery day in Fitzrovia
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
a guitar, being plucked by Segovia
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
All of a sudden a string
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Gave a terrible ping
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and flew up in the air and right over yer

There was a woman from Northumberland
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who spent most of her time down in slumberland
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
With the help of some pills
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And an evening of thrills
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
She had a sleep-over in Cumberland.

The bell-ringers met in the tower

[ 14. June 2014, 23:43: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And, raising their fists, shouted "Power!!"
 

---

Posted by Lietuvos Sv. Kazimieras (# 11274) on :
 
So loudly they tolled,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
both the young and the old
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and the noise could be heard in The Gower.


One afternoon I heard bells ringing
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And as I went on my way singing
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
They were ringing the changes
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
And it went on for ages
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
with some of them "dong"ing, some "ding"ing.

Yesterday was the first day of Trinity
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
It will seem to go on 'til infinity
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
(beat to the punch)

[ 16. June 2014, 14:56: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Yesterday was the first day of Trinity;
It will seem to go on 'til infinity.
(Beat to the punch.)

What? White vestments at lunch?
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Said I, "For that I've affinity"

Whilst watching a test match at Lord's
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I got grass stains upon my new cords
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but the great MCC
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
Took pity on me
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And let me wear their sandwich boards.

A waggy tailed dog from Hong Kong
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
was delightful, apart from the pong
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
An old joke did he pose
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But he did have a nose
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And, thank God, did not linger for long.

A lady who lived in the sticks
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Through experience knew all the tricks
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
All the men formed a queue
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
and began sniffing glue...
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Just to give their libidos some kicks.

Said Lucifer, after the Fall...

[ 17. June 2014, 23:50: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I will, yes will, go to the Ball
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
With a gun-toting cat
 

---

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
a crow and a rat
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And enough masks to deceive them all!

A marmalade cat from the alley
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
with the dog from next door became pally
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
They "made music" in bed
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
or so it is said,
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And their offspring seemed crafted by Dali.

(Someone else can do the next one. Not 'cuz I'm a killjoy, but just 'cuz I don't want to monopolize the privilege of writing first lines.)

[ 18. June 2014, 17:07: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
A genial teacher named Stetson
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Kept his whole class in detention
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
As the children wrote lines
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
He sampled fine wines
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And lectured on Kant and George Jetson.

(And since one good turn deserves another...)

There once was a lover of Truth
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Who analyzed Micah and Ruth
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But Job hurt his head
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
when he fell out of bed
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
which his wife considered uncouth.

A bishop went into a pub
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Which, sadly, had run out of grub
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Said His Grace, "Bless my soul!"
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
"I'll make do with a roll."
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
So he sat with a beer and a sub*.

*Submarine roll.


While walking one day round the shops
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
I was tailed by a couple of cops
 

---

Posted by Alaric the Goth (# 511) on :
 
One officer said
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
"He looks wrong in the head!"
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
His hair's like a pair of old mops


A grumpy old girl from Tasmania
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Was jealous of her sister who was brainier
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
So the one who was dumber
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
went and married a plumber
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
With whom she found she was so much more zanier.

A jolly frog who came out of the pond
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
met a princess, with whom he did bond
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Croaked he: "Kiss me, my sweet."
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
It will be such a treat
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And our kids will have hair greenish-blond.

A skeezy old crooner in Vegas
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Looked around and said, "What? No bodegas?"
 

---

Posted by georgiaboy (# 11294) on :
 
So where to get gin?
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
And generally sin...
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
In this city of all the lost wages.

There once was a lass from Cancun,
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who cavorted stark naked at noon.
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
With dangly bits quivering,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
the watchers all shivering
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
As they gaped at the midday full moon.

A doctor of dubious rep
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
For surgery never would prep.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
His hands were so foul
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
all his patients would howl...
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Then come down with a bad case of strep.

A clever young lad from Berlin
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Who thought his father was Merlin
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
cast spells in the street
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
threw a dog off its feet
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But got bored and instead took up curlin'.

On a bright sunny day in July
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I was given a hot apple pie.
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
With ice cream, vanilla
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
And scent of gorilla
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
I asked of the smug chef, "Oh Why?"

There was a young man from Dunblane
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who really was a terrible pain
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
He had no idea how to scan

[ 23. June 2014, 14:15: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Neither anapest nor iamb
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
but at tennis the kudos he'd gain.

'Tis the season for strawb'rries and cream
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
In Atlanta, add humidity and steam
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
But what we all have in common
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Be it bishop or shaman
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Is that it hurts when we're hit by a beam.

A lizard from Cornwall one day
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
for his train ticket he could not pay
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
You see, he had no pockets
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
So he strapped on his rockets
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And shouted, "Up, up and away!"

The vicar once said to his wife:
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
You're not really the love of my life
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
That honour would go
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
to my mate named Joe Blow...
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
I wish he were my trouble and strife!


There once was a young legionnaire
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
There once was a young legionnaire

who had a date with a girl from Bel Air
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
They went dancing and dining
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Till the sun started shining
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
And for each other, forever, did care

There once was a tax man named Alan
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Who'd a secret hankering to be Batman
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
But when donned in his cape
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
he thought it a jape
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
As it made "Batman" rhyme with "Alan."

A silly old scrivener named Bob
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
was known as an 'orrible slob!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
he never washed dishes
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
And slept in bed with dead fishes
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And abluted with corn on the cob


At Wimbledon a Brit called Andy
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Found a girl who was rather randy,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but being a gent
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
He kept to his tent
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Reading the sayings of Gandhi.

There once was a lass from Grasmere
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
That won the 'rear of the year'
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Her parents were proud
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
She stood out from the crowd
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
'Twas a grand derriere without peer.

Said Nessie, while swimming the Loch...
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
"I'd fancy a tune by old Bach."
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
"But I can't go aground"

[ 29. June 2014, 09:42: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
As I mustn't be found
 

---

Posted by Pewter (# 16308) on :
 
"I'll keep Haydn down here 'round the clock"


I said to my local Barista
 

---

Posted by Tree Bee (# 4033) on :
 
Keep doing that, you'll get a blister,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
he laughed in my face
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And sprayed me with mace
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
That's no way to treat your own sister!

A retired old lady from Gwent
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Went to live in an old army tent
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Where to her great surprise
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Had to share with two guys
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
And which brought her deep, lasting content.
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Ooops!

A juvenile lout from Skegness
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Was over sure of his football prowess
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
He played in bare feet
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and his feet got quite beat
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
His toes were a hell of a mess.

There once was a lady of Spain,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
whose lumbago gave her a pain
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
So a hunky masseur
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
who called himself Fleur
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Recommended she walk with a cane.

A feisty old geezer named Fred
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Took his son-in-law out to the shed.
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
He bound him like Isaac.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and shipped him to Vizag
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
but when he arrived he was dead


A man reincarnated as a tiger
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
swam lazily down the Niger.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
He mostly dog-paddled
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And occasionally straddled
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
... the globe, as he landed in Riga.

It's July, and the sun shineth hotly
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
over nations both purebred and motley.

[ 01. July 2014, 15:40: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
We'll need Factor 30
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
It's July, and the sun shineth hotly
over nations both purebred and motley.
We'll need Factor 30
Or a long-hemmed skirtie
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and a trip, perchance, out to Botley.

When riding my bike out to Beaulieu
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I passed a man dressed like a Coolie
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
He asked me the time
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and I answered in rhyme
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
It's a quarter til three, or two.

It's humid and hotter than Hades
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But do not go bare-chested, ladies!
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
'Why not?' went the cry
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
From some male passers-by
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
"It's not the conservative 80s!"

I once saw a horrible photo
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
of a pianist, playing con moto
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
With a plink and a plonk
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Skiing down Mont Blanc
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Screaming "Help! Help!" in fright'ning falsetto.

The star-mangled banner was sung by
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
two untrainable dogs and a young guy
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
They howled side by side
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
"May God help us" they cried
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
For it's only a bee that we're stung by.

There was an old nun who, at matins,
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Wore undies made of silks and satins.
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
The rustles she heard
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
As the priest read the Word
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Sounded like someone dropping the paten.

The footballer flopped on the field
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Definite foul he meekly appealed
 

---

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :
 
what the referee missed,
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
(he's a bit Brahms and Liszt)
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Was the bag of used banknotes, all sealed.

One night when gazing at St Pauls
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I dreamed of Niagara Falls.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
When I came to myself
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I was dressed like an elf
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Who could fly and walk through the walls.

One evening while sipping a GIN,
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I balanced a cherry on my chin
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
I had the glass upon my head
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
While I lay on the bed
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
the lemon twist I threw in the bin!

When cycling one day through Dumfries
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I was disturbed by a long skein of geese
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
They waddled past, honking
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and I, with deep longing


[nice try, piglet ]
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Wondered where I'd lost my hairpiece


Whilst cycling in the Tour de France
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I led them a right merry dance
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I pushed at my pedals
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
but was weighed down by my medals
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and soon could no longer advance

One day buying bread up in Yorkshire
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
A butcher said, "How 'bout some pork, sir?"
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I settled for Ham
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
But then had to scram
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
For someone was stealing my Porsche!

(yes, this does depend on how you pronounce Yorkshire/Porsche, though I contend they rhyme better with one another than 'sir' does with either! )

I once met a girl from New Brunswick
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who tampered in church with a nun's wick.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
The flame flickered wildly
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
She was spanked ever so mildly
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
By a being that they call old Nick


Last night I saw the Argies beat the Dutch
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Though their goaltender walked with a crutch.
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
It was pretty boring stuff
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Everyone had had enough
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
We really couldn't care much.

A German, who lived in Brazil,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
went bathing one day in a rill
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
It's better than soccer
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
when sent to the locker-
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
when warm it's quite simply brill!

When cavorting one day with some nuns
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I noticed their shapely young buns.
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Preferring the Sapphic
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
a sight pornographic
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
That involved some novices with guns!

When doing my laundry today

[ 12. July 2014, 14:29: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
I showered myself with soapy spray,
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Then lewdly I wrestled
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
With succubi nestled
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
In folds of my best lingerie.

A devilish rascal named Lou
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Had two different girlfriends named Sue.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But he wasn't sure which
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
Had transmitted the itch
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
So who had caught what from who.

There was a young gentleman from Froome
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
who was really a prophet of doom
 

---

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :
 
He predicted one day
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
we'd all turn out gay
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
from early exposure to Zoom.

A bride getting quite sloshed at her wedding
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
(^sorry, editing error, wrecked the scan)

A bride getting sloshed at her wedding
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
had no idea where she was heading
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
She traversed the dance floor
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
trampling both rich and poor
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Skidded, and landed head first in the bedding.

There was a jumping flea from Belize
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who landed on doggies with ease.
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
He proceeded to bite 'em
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
'Til they wished God would smite him
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and all the while spreading disease.

The Bishop whilst pouring out tea
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Felt her hand upon his knee
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
he said, with aplomb
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
"Ma'am, I cannot keep calm..."
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
...after Vespers tonight, are you free?"

While singing the Howells Te Deum
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I picked up some bongos to play 'em.
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
The rest of the choir
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
was really on fire...
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
and the upshot was absolute mayhem.

There once was a poet who tried
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
to take a Dead Horse for a ride
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
With archbishop Sally
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
with whom she was pally
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And Cardinal O'Malley

[x-post with WW!]

[ 15. July 2014, 14:31: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Only one thing to do: tan her hide!

There was an old goat named O'Reilly
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
Who was hairy, capricious and wily.
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
He ate handbags and shoes
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
we crossposted, but Oscar's is more original-go with that!
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Sorry! I saw you had posted and deleted mine. And now I've forgotten what it was...
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
He ate handbags and shoes

whilst reading the news
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I think we maybe need a recap (well I do anyway):

There was an old goat named O'Reilly
Who was hairy, capricious and wily
He ate handbags and shoes
Whilst reading the news

with a co-presenter called Kylie.

On the feast of St. Swithin, 'twas hot

[ 16. July 2014, 13:18: Message edited by: piglet ]
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
which meant forty days more on the trot
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
The bishop was sweaty
 

---

Posted by Cameron PM (# 18142) on :
 
His sermon quite petty,
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
There was no-one to listen, so what?

There was once a crab in a shop
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who said of crab stew, "What a flop!"
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Eat beef, pork or lamb
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
or an omlette with ham
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but don't send mw for the chop!

When marching on Carthage from Rome
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
I found a distressed fishing gnome
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
His rod had gone droopy
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Which made him loopy
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
Show me the way to go home.

It hasn't stopped raining all day
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
The farmers can't be making their hay
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
they make cider instead
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
in vats poisoned with lead
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
Now they're all with the fairies away

Dodgy alcohol turned up on ebay
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
The label looked a bit risque
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But let's face it: when quaffed
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
It'll turn the brain soft
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Shabaly weeboo nooglooboo jarweeway.

Whilst riding my bike up the Alps
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I fell off and cried, "Halp! Halps!"
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
A wandering fraulein
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
exclaimed "oh, nein! Nein! Nein!"
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Then added mine to her collection of scalps.

An ant under an elephant's foot
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Thought it really could be kaput
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
But the pachyderm tiptoed
 

---

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
Thus distributing it's load ,
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
The ant scurried, shouting "W00t! W00t!"

Why God made mosquitoes, I don't know
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Perhaps it was only for show.
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Was it all a mistake?
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
God's benevolence fake?
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Though scratching's good when bites itch so.

A tot dropped her ice cream on the mud
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
The tears from her eyes began to flood
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But the ants cried, "Hey nonny!"
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
It's vanilla and honey!
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
Who cares that it's covered in crud!

While watching the cricket one day
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Geoff Boycott passed by my way
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
I said 'You just got a duck'
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
He blamed it on luck
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I shrugged and walked quickly away.

A screechy old alto named Gladys
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Performed whilst eating a haggis
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
As she boiled up some neeps
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
She dropped into a sleep
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Fell down, and broke through the lattice.

A tempestuous tenor named William

[ 21. July 2014, 03:11: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
but don't send mw for the chop!

---

Gibberish does not scan, Wodders!
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
A tempestuous tenor named William

Said to all and sundry I'll kill him
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But of whom did he speak?
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
The bod chewing a leek?
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
[new page]

A tempestuous tenor named William
Said to all and sundry I'll kill him
But of whom did he speak?
The bod chewing a leek?

Or a Pythonesque draughtsman called Gilliam?

It's July, and the sun shineth hotly
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
A great time for going to Botley

(Look it up. Just outside Southampton)
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
But as the mercury rises
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And a t-storm surprises
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
We'll all end up a bit motley.


A very slow snail from Le Mans
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Didn't realize his smartphone was on
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
as he slagged off his coach
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
and puffed on a roach
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
That he blagged from a slug called Jean.
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Ooops!

A repressed young evo named Esther
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Found a handsome young man who would test her
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
On her biblical learning
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
And erotic yearning
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
that should never be left just to fester!

Whilst dining on cold Shepherd's Pie
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
With my friend the tsetse fly
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
I found, to my dismay,
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
There a dead 'roach lay
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
But I gobbled it up by the by.

In the office the air con packed up
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
we're all seeking iced water to sup
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
But the water cooler has failed
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
So out we've all bailed
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And gone down to the pub. Hiccup!

A grumpy old codger called George

[ 24. July 2014, 14:01: Message edited by: Raptor Eye ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
On candy and pastry would gorge.
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
His expanding waistline
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Went beyond the base line
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
So a new bed for him had to be forged.

When thunder and lightning do strike
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
You don't want to be on yer bike.
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
but standing under a tree
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
(crouch, hug your knee)
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Good advice when you go for a hike.

When walking from Bristol to Bath
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
My mate said 'You're 'aving a larf!'
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
...but your feet'll be sore
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
if you walk for much more
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Dressed in high heels and a scarf.

One day, when walking the dog
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I fell head first into a bog
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
My clothes were bespattered
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
my confidence shattered
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
So I went down the pub for a nog.

A swanky young toff from the City
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
had neither compassion nor pity
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But he raked in the pounds
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
which he hid in a mound
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
His treasure abounds in the kitty
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
I'm having a short Winter break
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
in a hut by the side of a lake
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
there's snow and there's ice
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
And plenty of mice
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but, alas, very few snake.

In the days when Victoria reigned
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And children were regularly caned
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
for the slightest infraction
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
or just for some action
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
In the days when Victoria reigned
And children were regularly caned
for the slightest infraction
or just for some action
the terror was always unfeigned.

There once was a Serb with a gun
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who thought it was oh so much fun
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
To shoot all the lightbulbs
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
This looks like verse !

Let us give it a temporary romp on Verseworks

Doublethink
Circus / Verseworks Host
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 

quote:

---

There once was a Serb with a gun
Who thought it was so much fun
To shoot all the lightbulbs

---

quote:

---

A drooling old dog in the park
Blagged his way onto Noah's old ark.
Though he'd only three teeth

---

Two above, one beneath,
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
All the creatures were scared by his bark.

A hangman, while tying a noose
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Was struck by a wandering moose
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Around the neck of Robert the Bruce
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
That doesn't seem to fit the rhyme scheme. I propose this instead.

The moose was knocked out
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
by a heck of a clout
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Delivered by Robert the Bruce!

A steaming locomotive called Stan
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Got lost between France and Iran.
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
It filled up its tender
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
Then went on a bender
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and the Reverend Awdry got banned

A tortoise arrived at St Pancras

[ 09. August 2014, 22:14: Message edited by: jrw ]
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Feeling a bit tired and cantank'rous
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
He got on the wrong train
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Tried to leave it, in vain
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
All of which turned him quite rancorous.

A lifeboat out on a manouver
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Ran aground so they just couldn't move her
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
They sat on the sand bar
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Thinking is this au revoir
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Floated off, and set sail for Vancouver.

While singing an anthem by Gibbons
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I sliced my choir robe into ribbons
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Then I took an old cassock
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
A mattock and hassock
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
And threw them at old Mrs Simmonds!

There once was a prophet from Barnsley
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
So totally lacking in charms, he
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
Would fart during Matins
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
in English or Latins
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
'Twas said they could hear him in Derby.


Once my donkey had started to bray
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
as his nosebag had too little hay
 

---

Posted by Full of Chips (# 13669) on :
 
When I saw his long face
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
I donned frilly lace
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
While the horses all cried, "Neeigh! Neeigh!!"

Right now, my heart is too heavy
 

---

Posted by Full of Chips (# 13669) on :
 
To cruise round the town in my Chevy
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
I'll travel by boat
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
To sow my wild oat
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
But first I shall just have a bevvy.

I once knew a being called Mork
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
who was king of the double-fast talk
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
He sputtered to Mindy
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
"Gooooood Mooooooorrrrrrning!" (so windy!)
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
and as "Mrs. Doubtfire" wore a frock.

Once again, it is misty and foggy
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And my head is feeling quite groggy
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
So the hair of the dog
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
will cure me of grog
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
But the world remains uncured and smoggy.

In my garden I've found jimsonweed
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
The plant to get a 'high' indeed
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
They say that it's toxic
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
'Twill cause septic shock -- ick!
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
One moment - I'm planting the seed.


Alas! my mobile has died
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
perhaps it shouldn't be fried
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
Or put in the wash
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
Are we talking bosh?
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Alas! My mobile has died
Perhaps it shouldn't be fried
Or put in the wash
Are we talking bosh?
Aha - it's the charger I've spied!

There's a crack in the sidewalk ahead
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
If I step on it, mother is dead.
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
Consumed by a bear
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
But did not compare
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
To my uncle, who melted in bed.

"Avast!!" said a pirate asea
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
There's a sea monster waiting for me.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But I ain't afraid
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
With my trusty blade
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I'll destroy him in time for my tea.

'Twas Day Thirty-Nine on Noah's Ark
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
when the two dogs both started to bark
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
For they had a strong hankering
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
Before the ark's anchoring
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
To go for a romp in the park.

A long-necked young turtle called Jude
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
did something that many thought rude
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
The birds and the bees
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Got down on their knees
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
And gave thanks for Jude the Rude Dude.


This board is approaching its end
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Before it drives us all round the bend
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
We'll say, "Farewell, goodbye!"
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And give a quiet sigh
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
My hanky to all I would lend.


But this thread is not moribund
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
It seems very fit and fecund
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
so back whence it came
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
But that would be a shame
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Just like an unused cummerbund.

One day, whilst preparing for Greenbelt
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I saw something to make my heart melt:
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
A bunch of shipmates
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
with cups, spoons and plates
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
And their loave which were mostly of spelt.*

*akind of ancient flour of corn.

'Tis not yet the very last day!
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
There's still time to come here and play,
 

---

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
But keep a wary lookout
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
Something scary's about
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
So while the sun shines, let's make hay!

So let's hail Poetry, that heav'n-born maid *


*Apologies to G&S
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Now our anchor is safely weighed
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
we'll rhyme and we'll scan
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
The best that we can
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
In the Circus, where it's usually played.

There was once a large puppet called Charmless
 

---

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
Who, despite his size, was quite harmless
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
But his strings became tangled
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and his speech was all mangled
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
And his hands with the wear were quite palmless.

The nights are now drawing in
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
And I wonder, would it be a sin
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
To turn on the heating
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
before Quaker Meeting
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And pour them a wee sip of GIN?


And here, it is hot, damp, and stormy
 

---

Posted by Chesterbelloc (# 3128) on :
 
The Ship's biscuits are mouldy and wormy
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
so to dunk in our drink
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
We rinse it first in the sink
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
And pass the strange taste off as gourmet.

There once was a plumber from Norwich
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
There once was a plumber from Norwich
Found a pipe that was chockfull of porridge

(Edited for top of page)

[ 23. August 2014, 08:04: Message edited by: Firenze ]
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
With his runcible spoon
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
And a shapely spittoon
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
He consumed the whole lot, mixed with borage.

A bicycle rider called Joe
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
fell of his bike in the snow
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
as he picked himself up
 

---

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
he broke his cup
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
And shattered the bike with one blow.

My feline friend is lost
 

---

Posted by Full of Chips (# 13669) on :
 
I sent her through the post
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But she will return
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
without any concern
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And I'll pay the handling cost.

A lounge lizard asked "What's your sign?"

[ 25. August 2014, 00:26: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
I said: "Taurus - cusp Aries - what's thine?"
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
"Leo," I cooed
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
The crowd booed
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
But I know that I'm just divine.


To my gorgeous young postman I sing
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
In the voice of a Crosby named Bing.
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
I wished on the moon
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
That he'd come back at noon
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
But he's been moved to the office at Thring.

While lunching on dal and chapati
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I'd a thought that was a bit naughty
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
about a young nun
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
who had wicked good fun
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
As she saw strange shapes in her patati.

A rapper with a gravelly tone
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
swapped his mic for a traffic cone
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
with a red flashing light
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
that lit up at night
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And he rapped out a working class drone.

The dinosaurs died, but oh why?
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Was it meteors, dropped from the sky?
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
A deadly disease?
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
A plague of fleas?
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Or some servings of rancid plum pie?

Said Pilate, in jest, "What is truth?"
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
As he had trouble finding some proof
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
"please answer me this"
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
"If I lived in Diss"
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Would storks ever nest on my roof?

When I opened the door of my car,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
the sheep in the seat just went "baaa"
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
I said 'Are you a ewe'
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
She munched on my shoe
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
The conversation was not going far!

When catching a train south from Hull
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
We bounced off a rail squatting bull
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
Then turned left at Goole
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And jumped in the pool
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
and now we are using a scull

My guitar string just broke with a twang
 

---

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
When giving it a pluck with my fang ,
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
My tweeter caved in
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
So its back to violin
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
[percussion by giving it a wang!]

I once took a holiday in Ghent
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
But forgot to keep up with my rent
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
I was forced to wear clogs
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
Clean up after the dogs
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
so my back was horribly bent!

Whilst swimming one day down the Rhine
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Doing the breaststroke with my cute fraulein
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
The Lorelei's song
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
intoned on a gong
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
drowned a legion of demonized swine.

I think that my doctor's a quack.
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
While constantly munching a snack,
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
He proclaims I'm obese
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
then he calls the police
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and offered to sell them some Crack!

In Dundee one cold winter's eve
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
I was wiping my nose on my sleeve
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Being pretty uncouth
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
In those days of my youth
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
when I did things you wouldn't believe!

When making my cocoa one night

[ 05. September 2014, 20:31: Message edited by: Cara ]
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And munching on my egg white
 

---

Posted by Cameron PM (# 18142) on :
 
My roofing gave out
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
and I started to shout
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Eggy plastery cocoa don't taste right!

One miserable wintery Sunday
 

---

Posted by Cameron PM (# 18142) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Raptor Eye:
Eggy plastery cocoa don't taste right!

One miserable wintery Sunday

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sipech:


I met an old man from Dunfermline.

---

His walk was positively feline
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
He responded to cat-calls
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
by doing neat prat-falls

[ 11. October 2014, 01:28: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But too close (alas) to the shoreline.

There was a young maiden from Oshkosh
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
who rarely partook of a wash
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Her feet were so smelly
 

---

Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
& sticky like jelly
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
But her clothes were really quite posh.

* * * *

Whilst paddling about at the beach
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I suddenly let out a screech
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
When some babes in bikinis
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
plied me with many martinis
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
then ran off, just out of reach!

* * * *

When painting my toenails bright green
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I thought (Why? Don't ask!) of the Queen.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I donned an emerald ring
 

---

Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
felt a strange urge to sing
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Too-ra-loo in the Palace canteen.

There was a young lady who only...
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
had eyes for one man, name of Tone Lee
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
She fluttered her lashes
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
waxed her moustaches
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But ended up being quite lonely.

There was a young man from Pomona
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Who moved, in his youth, to Cremona
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Yet as he got old
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
began feeling the cold
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
so he spent his old age in Verona.

There was a tsetse fly in Cape Town
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
whose emotions were sometimes quite down
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
As he drank down some blood
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
From a bull soaked in mud
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
into which he fell, and did drown.

On Sunday we had Harvest Festival

[ 13. October 2014, 13:51: Message edited by: Piglet ]
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
but the minister got stuck in the vestibule
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Someone tugged on his cincture
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
As he supped on his tincture
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
Which was less autumnal than aestival.

An architect building a shopping mall
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
went halves on the scheme with his pal
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
They couldn't agree
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Where to put a tree
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
So they covered it all with a pall.

A lady who hailed from Azusa

[ 14. October 2014, 14:50: Message edited by: Amanda B. Reckondwythe ]
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Whose dresses should have been looser
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Couldn't climb up a ladder
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
To escape from an adder
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
so succumbed. The service was ECUSA.

* * * *

One day as I walked into town
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
my shorts began to fall down
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
But no prob, wearing my thong
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I couldn't go wrong
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Since baring my buttocks I just couldn't frown

There once was a mystery worshipper
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Who wanted to make the church hipper.
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
She wore Beckham frocks
 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
Without any socks
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And drew a critique adverse to her.

There was an old man from Sheboygan
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Who held up a bank with a TOY gun.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
The cashier fell about
 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
And crashed with a shout
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I think she was a bit of a hoyden.

* * * *

A scorpion with venomous sting
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Loved to wear plenty of bling
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
His rhinestone-decked tail
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
Would strike without fail
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
So with the spider he did have a fling.

There once was a spinster from Cornwall
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who moved to an isle with a storm wall.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
A hurricane came
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
and took off the dame
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and much else too, including a prawn stall

A woman turned into a mermaid
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
with a fish-tail that wasn't by her made
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
they made it of silk
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And powdered milk
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But it fell off during the police raid.

There once was a seagull called Joe
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Who shat on a writer called Poe
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
he was not much impressed
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
And became quite depressed
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
More than we ever could know.

A certain young lad from the boondocks
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
Stole from NASA a package of moon rocks
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
he carried them home
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And mailed 'em to Rome
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
In a massively oversized box

There once was a plumber from Rio
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who exclaimed, "Grazie a Dio."
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
This pipe's badly blocked
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
and the rusted taps, locked
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
So turn off the stopcock, con brio.

A person residing in Perth
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Sailed away and fell off of the earth.
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
She cried "I'm a fool!"
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
"Not a sphere after all".
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
and collapsed into uncontrolled mirth.

A man of a million disguises
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Desired to see Yellowstone's geysers.
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
But he stood too close
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
And got a very high dose
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
which caused uncomfortable seizures!

* * * *

When shopping one day in the town
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
I noticed a beautiful gown!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
peach, purple, pink, red
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But not suited for bed
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
so I don't wear it when lying down.

* * * *

One day the Vicar of Bray
 

---

Posted by itsarumdo (# 18174) on :
 
brought a cat, in an urn, on a tray.
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
The big bell was tolled,
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And feeling rather bold
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
A mouse ran out, but soon became prey.

An elephant went to Peru
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
To help his friend escape from a zoo
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But not knowing Spanish
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and being quite clannish
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
He asked "Is that a zazoo?"

There once was a granny from Trondheim
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who thought a bath with bubbles was sublime
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
As she hopped in the tub
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
on a stage, in a pub
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
and sang a number by Sondheim.

The winter is slowly approaching
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
As we gather our eggs for poaching.
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
And leaves fall from the trees
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
And gone are the bees
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
So stay in for some cookery coaching.

Once a giant with terrible breath
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
so bad he could breathe you to death
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Said "I H ope you don't mind,
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
but I speak as I find
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
So forgive me for naming Macbeth.

A skateboarder hailing from Leith
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
with little gold wheels on her teeth

(I'm guessing at the pronunciation of "Leith".)
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
sped past, arms aloft
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
<,> Hit a pot-hole and coughed
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
but her skateboard was all she bequeathed

A man lost his glasses at the border
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And saw much less than he ought'er.
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
He squinted and stumbled
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
and pathetically mumbled
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But married the border guard's daughter.

While taking a tour of the Zócalo

[ 31. October 2014, 23:31: Message edited by: Amanda B. Reckondwythe ]
 

---

Posted by spork (# 18260) on :
 
I decided to learn the picolo
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
I blew very hard
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
and frightened the guard
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
who went back to being a gigolo!

* * * *

One day as I entered St Paul's
 

---

Posted by spork (# 18260) on :
 
I saw six nuns involved in two brawls
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
a novice I knew
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
dressed smart in J. Crew
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
got psnicked, and soiled her shawls.

(Continuing the theme...)

At the Crystal Cathedral(Orange County)
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I saw a Canadian Mountie
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
He had misplaced his horse
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And wandered off-course
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
And enlisted onto the Bounty .

A wandering monk from Nepal
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
at sea survived a short squall
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
The wind it did blow
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
his ship, to and fro
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But he wrapped himself up in a shawl.

They say the young men in the tropics
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
All despise piscatorial topics.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but a fondness for shrimp
 

---

Posted by spork (# 18260) on :
 
His long flowing hair did crimp
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And netted all manner of exotics.

A policeman assigned to the traffic
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Would often see scenes that were graphic.
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Like a Ford and a Kia
 

---

Posted by spork (# 18260) on :
 
Drunkenly singing Mamma Mia
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
In tones so enticingly sapphic!

Said Mendel while studying peas...
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
"Oh, bother those chaps with degrees!"
 

---

Posted by spork (# 18260) on :
 
They usually walk out in threees
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
(Skipping Spork's post, due to rhyme scheme.)

"They sit on their butts

[ 03. November 2014, 21:53: Message edited by: Golden Key ]
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Eating salted peanuts
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Then stroll back to Gonville and Caius.

It was gloomy and wet and a Tuesday
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
So I decided it was a new shoes day
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
The pair that I have
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Make me look like a chav
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Like I simply did not have a clues-day.

So I wandered out into the town
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
With a pillow that was stuffed full with down.
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
I then caught a bus
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
was photographed thus
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
and felt like a bit of a clown.

As the Mummy rose from the tomb
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
because there was not enough room,
 

---

Posted by spork (# 18260) on :
 
To do her ablutions
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
With custom solutions
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
She brushed herself down with a broom.

The budgie who sat on a cat
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Had previous form with a rat
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
His bravado, misplaced
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Crumbled when faced
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
with the tiger that was sat on the mat.

Whilst walking one day in the woods
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Trying to stash my stolen goods
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I was caught in the act
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and was instantly sacked
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And was lectured on "shouldn'ts" and "shoulds".

There's gnashing of teeth in DC
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
And hissy fits thrown in for free
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
the votes are all counted
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
And high horses remounted
 

---

Posted by spork (# 18260) on :
 
All 'cos Obama needs a pee pee?
The W.I. ladies of Loughborough
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Are nothing, if not very thorough.
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
When making their jam
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
Or salting down ham
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Or pickling a fat juicy marrow.

The sparklers shone bright in the hands
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
Of gloved children throughout all the lands

[ 06. November 2014, 20:37: Message edited by: Penny S ]
 

---

Posted by spork (# 18260) on :
 
Their Grandmothers worried
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
The firefighters furied
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Now the Pope's had the whole party banned.

I once knew a man called Bojangles.
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
whose hobby was dancing on mangles
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but one day he slipped
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
upside down then tipped,
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
And now he just hangs there and dangles.

There once was a butcher from Cairo.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
who impaled his hand on a biro
 

---

Posted by spork (# 18260) on :
 
His Mother-in-Law
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
then fell on the floor
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
As the sight of blood made her perspire, oh!

A wireworm munching into a spud
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
Filled the hollow behind it with mud
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
So when making my mash
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
I threw half in the trash
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I really don't like eating crud!

* * * *

On the Feast of my Patron Saint
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
I roll around naked in paint.

[ 08. November 2014, 15:25: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Then I sing a quick hymn
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
As the candles burn dim
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Before I fall into a faint.

A moth who flew up to the moon
 

---

Posted by spork (# 18260) on :
 
While hummining a Wesleyan tune
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
went too near to the sun
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
her make up did run
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And she died in the bowl of a spoon.

The lads who hang out on the plaza
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
are staggering out of the bars, er
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Their brains, um, are where?
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
As they issue a dare
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
As to who can stay out of the 'casa'.

A cherry on the top of the cake
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Especially not one that's fake
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Should be juicy and plump
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And an eye-pleasing bump
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Should be there to keep eaters awake.

I started a thread in Dead Horses
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
About gays working in the armed forces
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
A mind ne'er was changed
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Or in the least re-arranged
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Which proves that it's horses for courses!

* * * *

My beleifs are somewhat syncretic
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Although some would call me pathetic.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
The theology's sound
 

---

Posted by spork (# 18260) on :
 
I believe Edward Lear profound
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
My beliefs are somewhat syncretic
Although some would call me pathetic.
The theology's sound
I believe Edward Lear profound
And my sermons are quite diarrhetic.

My friend has odd views on salvation
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
That give rise to some regurgitation.
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
She's now a Pelagian
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and vaguely New-Age-ian
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I'll give her a standing ovation.

You may want to call me a heretic
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Though I object to such a bad rhetoric
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but really I'm straight
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
As a drunk's Figure 8
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
In the hands of a mad Vercingetorix.

The reason we have separate beds
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Is because we don't have enough sheds
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
So when love's duty calls
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
And we're in shopping malls
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
we put paper bags over our heads!

Whilst drinking a pint at the pub
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
I ordered a plateful of wub.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Sadly the staff
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Said i was riffraff
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And gave me one hell of a snub.

While queuing for Holy Communion
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I said, "I hope this will soon be done."
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
My legs were like lead
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
And good Father Ted
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
kept feeding the heretics onion.

The best way to saddle a cow
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
is to strip to your knickers and bow...
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
The cow bows, unfrightened
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
His ecstasy heightened
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Saddle up, now you know how!

A zebra without any stripe
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
Had been cleaned too hard with a wipe,
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
When he neighed, he said "Nihd"
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
"Nor my butt, nor my mid"
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
So he left with a horrible gripe.

There once was a granny named Mable
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
who kept cats on her dining-room table
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
They got into her brandy
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And became rather randy
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Then did things now the subject of fable.

A pretty young lass I'm a-courtin'
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Shared with me some toffee she had brought in.
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
Our fillings came out
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But we didn't pout
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Since I'd brought some brown sugar for snortin'.

Said Lot while escapin' from Sodom...
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
"Oh good grief! We have really hit bottom!"
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
"Mmm, bottoms!" she swooned.
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
I think we are doomed
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
sans bog roll". So they went back and got 'em.

We decided to stop for a break
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Ate good sausages, tea, and spiced cake
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
But one of our party
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
A silly wee tarty
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Sent out for a Salisbury steak.

I've heard in the Bible it's written...
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
That Samson was foolishly smitten.
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
with a flashy hairdresser
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Who said, "Secrets confess, sir"
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
"For twice shy, the one who's been bitten."

A nasty old biddy in Fresno
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
[A nasty old biddy in Fresno -]

Refused the police her address. "No!

[ 23. November 2014, 14:39: Message edited by: Amanda B. Reckondwythe ]
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
So they got out the taser
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But that didn't faze 'er.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But that is as much as the press know.


A small child who would talk out of turn
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Was admonished, "In hell you will burn!"
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
She donned her asbestos
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
- no match for the testos-
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
and now she resides in an urn.

There once was a homewrecking floozie
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Who invaded her neighbour's jacuzzi
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But her luck was to turn
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
as the water did churn
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
And her husband popped up for a schmoozie.

There once was a Frenchman named Hector
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who was useless in church as a lector,
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
but could hit a high 'A'
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And hold it all day
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
To the joy of his choir director!

A elderly bishop from Norwich
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Met a surly, yet kind, tsarevich*


(Son of a Russian tsar)
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
He asked "Are you bleeding?"

[ 26. November 2014, 06:59: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
So soft, that not heeding,
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
He mistook a wound for a sore itch.

A certain young captain of horses
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Heard them speaking English, of courses
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Their neighing made sense
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
but only to gents
 

---

Posted by spork (# 18260) on :
 
Who are soldiers and sailors in the forces

while attending chapel in a onesie
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I spotted a dotty old nun -- see?
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
She said "Why d'you think
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
we built an ice rink
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
"... if not to have lots of fun, si ?

The sister then laced up her skates
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
"... if not to have lots of fun, si ?

The sister then laced up her skates
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
While juggling myriad plates
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
But during a spin
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Her flask of good GIN
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
fell and broke all the beer in the crates.

A talking blue budgie called Sammy
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
, A bit of a show-business hammy,
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
did his best to rhyme "purple"
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
(Underwater, it's "burple")
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
So his tweets and his farts won a Grammy.

A judge once, when sober, declared
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
That henceforth all GIN should be shared
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
So the lawyers and clerks
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
being mendacious sharks
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Drunk him dry, with no bottle spared.

A red-faced young lady from Barnsley
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Looked like hell in a wig, quite frankly
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But her natural locks
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And her high-fashion frocks
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Made her wigs seem slightly less ghastly.

There once was a rumour 'bout Advent
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Derived from words in an old document,
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
It claimed the Twelth Night...
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Was too early in sight
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Which will make every lassie and lad vent.

Said I, as I met the Grim Reaper...
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who said I was my brother's keeper?
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
To distract his attention,
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
I called up Jim Henson
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Said I as I met the grim reaper
Who said I was my brother's keeper?
To distract his attention
I called up Jim Henson

But it only served to dig me in deeper.

When the snow came to fall on the hills
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
The postman came by with some bills
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Said he to the missus
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
"They can be quite pernicious
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
So wear simpler knickers - less frills

The frost has reached parts of me which
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
I'm really not eager to itch.
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
but with application of heat
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
From my thermal loo seat
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I am warm without wearing a stitch.

I know an old lady from Yarm
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Who people thought could do little harm
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But with talons exposed
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
as others reposed
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
She slashed 'em with bloodthirsty charm.

The stawardess said to the bishop...
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
"Your Grace, would you care for some fish dip?"
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
As we fly to the moon
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
with a runcible spoon
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And I wave around this branch of hyssop.

A dog with a patch on its eye
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Will never develop a sty.
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Though it might get the mange
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Which could rearrange...
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Whoever'd consider a buy.

While caroling out in the snow
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Our group was attacked by a crow.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
who thought that our song
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Would call up King Kong
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
So we all just decided to go.

A large rat was afoot in the alley
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
A brown one - remarkably pally.

[ 09. December 2014, 13:52: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
But when the pied piper came
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
It ran, all the same
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
ending up on the sea-shore in Bali.

The season of Advent's upon us
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And our creche has a plaster Adonis.
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
He's really quite hot
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
He came with a job lot
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And a caganer sure to astonish!

A Service of Lessons and Carols
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Ended with 'roll out the barrels'
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
We suspected the singers
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
(Oh, bother those ringers!)
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
were drunk, so we had to phone Darryl.

We piled into the back of the van
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
"That's a blatant oxymoron!" (Chan)
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
"What's going on back there?"
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
"I do declare
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Out of petrol it seems that we ran."

A stewardess, once, in mid-flight...
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
On GIN got terribly tight
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
She said, "Fashion your sheet belts"
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
"particularly you celts"
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
and the queue to the loo found the key was nowhere in sight.

A pedantic old scholar from Michigan
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Was told, "You can make one last wish again."
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
With a glare and a frown
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
He threw off his gown
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
A pedantic old scholar from Michigan
Was told, "You can make one last wish again."
With a glare and a frown
He threw off his gown
And yelled, "Oh, I wish I could fish again!"

A little old lady from Texas

[ 14. December 2014, 16:45: Message edited by: Amanda B. Reckondwythe ]
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Punched a card-shark in his solar plexus.
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
She took all the cash
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
was gone in a flash
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And fought off the cops with some hexes.

A shipmate wrote swear words in Heaven.
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Not one word, nor three, but eleven!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
the Hosts didn't smile

[ 15. December 2014, 06:12: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
But planned for a while
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
for the demise of the Shipmate called Kevin*.

* * * *

When washing the windows one day


[*Sorry, Sir K, it's not you, it just rhymes nicely]

[ 15. December 2014, 07:40: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
I spied on a couple "at play"
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
A "Kama Sutra"
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
With whips and boots -- ha!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and both of them frightfully gay!

* * * *

When having High Tea at The Ritz
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
I had a cuppa and scone in my mitts
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
When a raven flew in
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
With a bottle of GIN
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And we toasted Lenore all to bits.

My kid wrote a letter to Santa
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Where he asked for a bottle of Fanta
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
But old Santa mis-read
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
what was in my kid's head
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
And left him a ray known as "Manta".


While repairing my favorite old quilt,
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And wearing my very best kilt
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
The two did entwine
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And devoured my spine
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And now, when I stand, I will tilt.

The music at church is appalling!
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
It sounds like a cat caterwauling.
 

---

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :
 
But the organist thinks
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
"Even Beethoven blinks -
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
But I'm sorry if standards are falling."

* * * *

When planning a journey by train
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Remember to factor in rain
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Those cute little drops
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
cause numerous stops
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
when they hammer the bald-headed brain.

White Christmases when we were young
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
was the season when robbers were hung.

[ 18. December 2014, 16:10: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
They painted them first
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But by far the worst
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
was the song which by Crosby was sung.

My Christmas shopping's not finished
 

---

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :
 
And my love for the season's diminished
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
The sharp-elbowed crowds
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Make angry, loud sounds
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Like new Christmas carols - but tinnish.

I'm going to hang up a sock

[ 19. December 2014, 16:58: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and be in bed by 10 o'clock
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I know I'm days early
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
But the snow's all whirly
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
And I really do need a new frock.

Twelfth Night was a stonking success
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
For a reason I'll bet you can't guess.
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Twas to do with Viola
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
A rogue pianola,
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And the sudden appearance of Aunt Bess.

In A and E were some cases so strange
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
they were really right out of my range
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Edited for new page:

In A & E were some cases so strange
They were really right out of my range
There's a bloke up a turkey

[ 22. December 2014, 13:37: Message edited by: Piglet ]
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but even more quirky
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Was the kid with a case of the mange.

As I struggled with wrapping my presents
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I looked up and noticed some pheasants.
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
"Hi!" they said, "We're a brace"
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
"We like to wear lace"
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Not nylon like you lot - you're peasants!

The days are beginning to lengthen
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
the sun beginning to strengthen
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But cor blimey, it's cold!
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Neither incense nor gold
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Would pay energy bills, let alone a pension!

I can't wait for Santa to call
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
As he carries his presents to all.
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Cocoa and three dozen cookies sit
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
(But the scansion won't fit!)
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
But wait! Cookie crumbs! He's here! LOL.

(Sorry about earlier scansion. Didn't realize I'd miscounted until too late to fix.)


The mayonnaise said to the bread
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I like to be poured and not spread
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
But the bread was concerned
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
That the mayo had learned
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Of the things in a sandwich to dread.

On Christmas I went to the movies
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Which for someone so stuck in a groove is
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
like going to Maui
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
with David Bowie
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Whose near rhymes are certain to move yuz.

The night was as still as a tomb
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
as the ghost drifted into my room
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
"Hi, Shippie" it said,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
as I lay in my bed
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
"Look at the muck in here, where's the broom?"

The feeling when full up with pud
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Is one of great sinfulness: should
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
I eat some yogurt?
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
or, alternatively, flirt
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
With Rolaids, or just knock on wood?

Said Spoon to the dish of caramel
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
"I'm going to dive in, please don't yell!"
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
It's not just the flavour
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
For Jesus, our Saviour
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
But my special favorite, as well!"


An old desk at an antique store
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
had a badly malfunctioning door
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
so I squirted some oil
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
, the malfunction to foil
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
It failed, ain't that a bore!

* * * *

Domingo was a very fine tenor
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But couldn't out-wrestle Bruce Jenner.
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But Jenner's tessitura
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
was not colatura.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but he'd make a rather fine Ben-Hur!

* * * *

When skipping one day down Bond Street
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I tripped and fell over some feet.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Black boots & size twelve
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
That he really should shelve
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
as a copper while out on the beat.

Hogmanay is now swiftly approaching
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
So it's time to go out for some poaching
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
So, should auld acquaintance
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Distract some fat pheasants
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
The end of the old year's encroaching.

While going first-footing tomorrow
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I may also be on the borrow
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I'm fresh out of coal
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And am stuck on the dole
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
but my face will show no trace of sorrow.

While washing my old socks one day
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
I found that they had started to fray.
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
Oh gosh, heck and darn
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I've run out of the yarn
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
So I patched them up with parcel tape

The trains had all come to a standstill
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
So those party-goers who can still
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
walk more than five feet
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
look for something to eat
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Even though they've had more than their fill.

The homeless man said with a grin
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
"Bless my soul, there's a bottle of GIN!"
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
And tonic, and limes
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
And yesterday's Times
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
with a crossword that's not yet filled in!

* * * *

When sailing my boat round the Horn
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
I said "Drat, I forgot to bring porn!"
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
So its plain self-abuse
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
As I pass Syracuse
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
With its nymphs all so lovingly shorn.

In scripture, we find inspiration
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
if done with due dedication
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
to abstain from all sin
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
[apart from our GIN]
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
which makes for a pleasant libation.

PS I think you may have read my mind there, WW!

Now we're getting back into the rut
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Of walking each day with the mutt
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Wading through mud and muck
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
past goose, swan and duck
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and ending up at Pitch and Putt.

"You can't come in with muddy boots on"
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Even bearing a jar of Grey Poupon.
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
But pastry-puff hot dogs
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
or chocolate yule-logs
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Will do quite nicely, so in! Come on!

The musty old coat of an adm'ral
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Was used by the cat as a snuggle-all,
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
with the tip of its nose
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
it dismissed Michael Gove
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
They gave it the freedom of old Newport Pagnell.

A surprise parcel arrived for my dad
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
It contained the latest big fad.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
A strange little gadget
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
to feed his strange habit
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Of rolling in butter unclad.

I think my computer's been hacked
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
All my secret files hijacked!
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
But what the hackers don't know
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
's that those files are for show!
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
and the real ones have been, well, up-backed.

Like everyone else, I hate filing
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
So around the house papers are piling
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
On the desk, on the floor,
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
You can't open the door!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Satan is standing there, smiling!

* * * *

When walking the front at Torquay
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
I discovered my long lost door key
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
it lay in the sand
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
(from previous page)

When walking the front at Torquay
I discovered my long-lost door key
It lay in the sand

and jumped into my hand
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and then I rushed off to pee!

* * * *

I hope that by not eating supper
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
I'll have time for one extra cuppa
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
I may lose a bit of my blubber
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And become a cool clubber
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And sleep in a berth that's an upper.

I see I must diet once more
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I find it a terrible chore
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
When the tummy will rumble
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
And will-pow'r to crumble
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
I'll give in to that luscious Carte D'or.

I once met a landlord called Al
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
who tried to be everyone's pal
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
So he charged them no rent
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
'Til all his money was spent
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
which caused, with his wife, a big row

A couple walked into a bank
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
which was dull and dreary and dank
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But they brightened the scene
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
by writing obscene
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Checks to a guard who was named "Hank"!


A sailor walked into an outhouse
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Queried he, "Have I come to the right house?"

[ 16. January 2015, 11:28: Message edited by: Amanda B. Reckondwythe ]
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
His father looked up
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Whilst stroking his pup
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And exclaimed, "By my stars, there's a stout louse!"

A lance corporal in the Marines
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
was cooking up toast and some beans
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
When from the oven
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
emerged a whole coven
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Of kitchen witches, all from Queens.

A giraffe from old Jericho
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
decided to give it a go,
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
Ate her lunch on the coach
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But encountered a roach
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who said she had better lie low.

A butterfly who looked a bit battered
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
felt incredibly flattered
 

---

Posted by Wet Kipper (# 1654) on :
 
when a spider, in passing
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
asked her to go dancing
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And that's all that ever mattered.

A young man attending my school
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Spent most of his nights shooting pool;
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
With his well-chalked cue tip
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
And a fag on his lip
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
He died early of course: what a fool!

A custard pie party was planned
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
at venues all over the land
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
But Toad wildly drove
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
down the coast t'wards Hove
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
and ended, nose down, in the sand.

I'm soon to be going to Blighty
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Where Harrod's and tea are so mighty
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But the UKIP
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Will be there to vet me
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
do you think they will think I am flighty?

* * * *

In the tropics on a warm, sultry day
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
A lady scarecrow dressed up, and said "Hey
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Anyone for a toss?
 

---

Posted by Wet Kipper (# 1654) on :
 
And then she got quite cross
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
At the laughter and comments: 'No Way!'

There's a fly fallen into my soup
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And 'twas noticed by all in my group.
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
"Save me, save me" it cried
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And, so help me, I tried
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
But it flew on its own, loop de loopl

{b]A Vatican archivist said,[/b]
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I'm not sure about this old piece of bread!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
it's tinged with some green
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
and engravings obscene
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
"I'll put in some Luther instead."

The coffee morning had a poor start
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
with the archdeacon's rather loud fart
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
"By my stars!" she exclaimed.
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
"I cannot be blamed,"
 

---

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
For th'effects of a spiced cabbage tart"


A Bishop was heard to complain
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
'bout the prices he paid for cocaine.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
The dealer was pleased
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
When the bishop sneezed
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
"Hallelujah" was their usual refrain!

* * * *

The Abbess when pouring a dram
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Was heard to exclaim, "Oh damn!"
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
As she upset her whisky
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
She told Sister Kominsky
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
"It's ruined the roly poly and jam."

A Great Dane while out on his own
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
got a call on his own mobile phone
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
'twas his owner: old Jack
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Saying, "I've got a sack
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
of smelly and manky old bones!"

* * * *

I formatted my new mobile last night
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
When I started an app, I got a fright:
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
the screen just went blank
 

---

Posted by Wet Kipper (# 1654) on :
 
and my confidence sank
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But my three year old son put it right.

My head feels as if it's on fire
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
I suspect it's a bug from the choir
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
It prob'bly was Alice
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
[an alto with malice]
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
While singing, she always does gyre!

A DVD fell from the sky
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
right into a raspberry pie
 

---

Posted by Wet Kipper (# 1654) on :
 
From where did it come ?
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
London, Manchester, Brum?
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
or perhaps from the island of Skye?

The pavements are frightfully icy
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
which makes commuting quite dicey
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
So sit I cozy at home
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
With an elf and a gnome
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
sharing a curry - real spicy!

* * * *

One day the Bishop and I

[ 31. January 2015, 05:52: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Floated right up in the sky
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Then strapped on a 'chute
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
played on a flute
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
And landed in a big pie!


A duck, heading south for the winter,
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Was in terrible pain from a splinter
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
"Well-a-day!" he did quack.
 

---

Posted by Wet Kipper (# 1654) on :
 
And "alas and alack"
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
the vet said "Would you like to meet Pinter?"

I've brought my own lunch and a flask
 

---

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 
To accomplish the following task:
 

---

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
(I've brought my own lunch and a flask.
To accomplish the following task)

I'll watch the day's cricket.
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Take my golden ticket,
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
To top it off with a win's a big ask.

The walk in the park started well
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
'til, to my love, I did tell
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
of the secret I've kept
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
and the nights I have wept
 

---

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 
Over Graces from which I once fell.

You wouldn't have guessed, from his manner,
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Godzilla needed a day-planner
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
His diary was filled
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
His dinner was killed
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
by the untimely swing of a spanner.

When walking one day in the woods
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
Working off the effects of some puds,
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
I espied a strange light
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
I jumped in a puddle
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Lit a fire, and cooked me some spuds.

A big belly dancer called Bertha
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Charges beaucoup big bucks, but she's worth 'er!
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
As she jiggles her hips
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and pouts with her lips
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
She's joined by her BIG sister Gerta.

The temperature's down near to zero
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
"But I don't need thermals" said Ice Hero
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
For my scorchin' hot buns
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
The very best Sally Nunns
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Have me fiddlin' in flames a la Nero.

There was a young man with the mumps
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Whose limbs were reduced to mere stumps.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But he was laid back
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
and would not say "Alack!"
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But amused himself watching the Flumps.

A butcher with red cheeks and nose
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Was blessed with extremely long toes
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
His boots were size twenty
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Which meant he had plenty
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
Of tales of shoe shopping woes.

One day, whilst chopping a chilli
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I thought of my old flame Tillie.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
With her flaming red hair
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
And peculiar stare
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and, of course, her big brother Billy.


[extra mark for me for omitting the other possible rhyme, this is a family bawd, y'know.]

* * * *

The Bishop when donning his cope
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Looked at it with his microscope
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And exclaimed, "Well I'll be!"
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
(He was looking, you see
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
to be more well turned out than the Pope).

A small child, while playing 'I Spy'
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Jabbed his Great Aunt Claudette in the eye
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
She bellowed: "You imp!"
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
"you misbegotten shrimp"
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
I will spare you his gimlet reply.

There are preachers who claim that they love
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
To be entered behind from above.
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
But as for myself
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
There's a toy on my shelf...
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
that's the truth - I swear it is, Gov!

* * * *

When riding to hounds with the Abbess
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
The hunt-master failed to see past her dress
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
When the wind blew a gale
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
he saw John Inverdale
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
When riding to hounds with the Abbess
The hunt-master failed to see past her dress
When the wind blew a gale
he saw John Inverdale
But reporting on what, I can't guess.

A scholar who stood for his finals

[ 16. February 2015, 13:42: Message edited by: Amanda B. Reckondwythe ]
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
bribed the dean with some 8-tracks and vinyls.
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
But ne'er did he think
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
that his mentor would sink
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
to accosting him at the urinals. [sorry about that]

Outside, it is blowing a gale
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
as I sit inside drinking ale
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
From an old pewter tankard
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
With an ol' boy who stank 'ard
 

---

Posted by Yam-pk (# 12791) on :
 
At rhyming I'll certainly fail...

One night, whilst darning my socks

[ 18. February 2015, 17:21: Message edited by: Yam-pk ]
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
On the door there came three loud knocks
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
I gripped my needle
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
And asked, "Jeremy Beadle?"
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
"No! Take That, all dressed up in frocks!"

In church, when I'm saying my prayers
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
my mind drifts to chocolate eclairs
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And to tasty jam tarts
 

---

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 
Whose sickly-sweet hearts
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Send me staggering drunk down the stairs.

I longingly asked of a jinni
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
a pure white unstainable pinni
 

---

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 
What he gave me instead
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Was coloured cherry red
 

---

Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
And looked over so like an old Mini

I once met a girl from old Monmouth
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Whose manners were found to be uncouth,
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
When she "powdered her nose"
 

---

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 
Such a ruckus arose
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
That was quelled by a dram of vermouth.

The candlesticks there on the mantel
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Are so big they're awkward to handle
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
The sacristan hates 'em,
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
choir-boys in an eightsome *


* Originally a Scottish dance, a reel, but used in Paypal High Masses at Christmastide.

Er, I meant Papal - been buying lots of stuff on eBay recently, sorry.

[ 21. February 2015, 18:12: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

---

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 
Use them to scrape up some scandal.

Unable to bear one more meeting,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I decided I'd rather be eating
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Cheese and fresh d'Anjou pears
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
After tea, before prayers,
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And the moment they turn up the heating.

A slim, trim young fellow from Perth
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Was planting a tree in the earth
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
His shovel struck a landmine...
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
Now he spends all his time
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
tuning harps in his heavenly birth.

I've heard the head nanny in Limbo
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Refer to herself as a Bimbo
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But if truth must be told
 

---

Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on :
 
She's slightly too old
 

---

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
for sitting with legs wide akimbo.


A flautist once said to his mate
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
"Do you really think love is just fate?"
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
If I play on my flute for her
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
wearing my suit, La Mer
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Debussy'll rise up, but too late!

The boys who hang out on the corner
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Like to meet once a week for a sauna
 

---

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 
They steam and they sweat
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
But not one of them yet
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
has identified any new fauna.

* * * *

The marketing folk at my bank
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
were buoyed up, but then their hearts sank
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
. No more toasters as gifts*


*US banks have been known to give toasters and other gifts to new customers.
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
Their advertisements were foul,
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
Oops, I messed up! Sorry!
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Right, then, let's rescue it.

The marketing folk at my bank
were buoyed up, but then their hearts sank
No more toasters as gifts,
Henceforth only facelifts
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Or a free draw for driving a tank.

I found when I opened my wallet
 

---

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 
I'd spent all my funds at the mall; it
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
had been a good day
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but now I must pay
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
If you bluff with the Devil, he'll call it!

It's Lent, but the wine list's so pretty
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
The Shiraz is the best in the city!
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
I oughta drink water
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Kiss only my daughter
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And sing an appropriate ditty.

Ash Wednesday -- it's come and it's gone.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And I'm already craving a scone
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
But yield not to temptation
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Eat only vegetation
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Then "scone out" when Lent is all done.

An old sailing ship in the bay
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Was painted a hideous gray.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
With bilious green
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
on the quarter-deck, seen
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
at its worst when the sun shines at midday.

A chef, while preparing his lunch,
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Put some valium into the punch.
 

---

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 
He slacked preparations
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
without reparations
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
which proves right a widely held hunch

We arrived at the 50 screen multiplex
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
Consulting a friend's dog-eared card index
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But we were lost in the dark
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Until a dog-eared card's bark
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
turned us all into quivering wrecks.

An annoying little pipsqueak called Sam
 

---

Posted by Cameron PM (# 18142) on :