Ship of Fools: Taking it Literally

Thread: Taking it Literally Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Quite simple: just continue the story in up to and no more than four (4) lines max. Idioms, proverbs, metaphors, whatever etc are actively encouraged. But you must take them literally, exactly at face value.

* * *

I looked out of the window thinking what a beautiful autumn day it was. Blue skies and autumn leaves everywhere. It would be good to go for a spin in the countryside, and maybe a tramp in the woods.

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

[Could you provide an example of how this game is supposed to work? Sort of like...

POSTER 1: Blah blah blah

POSTER 2: Blah Blah Blah]

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

Mounting my gyroscope, I was soon revolving merrily through the local woodlands. 'Aha! I see a tramp!' But before I could go for him, a startled pheasant rose like a bat out of hell, sending me cartwheeling into the undergrowth like a trampoline in a hurricane.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

The hurricane seemed to appear out of Nowhere, and I found myself clinging desperately to a large oak. Sticks, leaves, two umbrellas, a line of washing and a trampoline tumbled past and then were gone. Was I imagining it? Was it all a strange dream? In the tree, I noticed a brightly coloured beetle hanging from a branch.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

I blinked and the beetle was gone, but a bewildered and dishevelled tramp was sitting up amid the bracken and leaves looking dazed.

"I hate this weather," he said. "One minute the sun's shining, the next there's a dirty great gale, then it's raining cats and dogs."

[Hint: try to get an idiom or pun or such into your four lines which the next player will have to take literally to continue the story.]

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Rin-Tin-Tin and Clarence, the cross-eyed lion*, fell from the sky and landed on their feet. Toto and Dorothy Gale, in a muddy pinafore, soon followed.

"Glinda suggested we drop in on you," said Dorothy, brushing off her pinafore. Toto nipped at her heels.

*Look them both up!

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

"Ow!" cried Dorothy as Toto drew blood and stained her shoes red.

The Good Witch of the North wondered why Glinda suggested this motley crew should descend on her uninvited. How could she weasel out the real reason?

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

The tramp and I looked hard at the motley crew and the cross-eyed lion. I'd never seen a lion with such cross eyes before, and it didn't bode well for the immediate future. The tramp and I glanced at each other and came to an immediate unspoken agreement: we were going to run like hell.

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

And since Hell is actually run rather badly(abysmal morale, endless labour strife, continuous cost-overruns on brimstone and pitchforks, etc), we didn't get very far, and ended up nose-diving head first off a cliff into a lake of raging waters.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

raging waters - lower case brother of the more famous Muddy - looked askance and then aghast as we emerged dripping from his lake. 'You look like drowned rats' he chuckled.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

Then he got into his brightly coloured VW beetle and drove away, humming the blues. Just then a rugby team jogged into view, and trotted past in a neat crocodile.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

The crocodile didn't look too enthused about it's passengers, but refrained from snapping.

Butter wouldn't melt in its mouth. Indeed, it looked positively po-faced.

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :

The rugby team stopped to eat their sandwiches. "What are we going to give the crocodile to eat?", one of them said. "He can't eat any of our sandwiches because they have butter in them". "We must think of something", another replied, "or we'll be on the menu".

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

The po-faced crocodile - properly Crocodylinae urinus - dived into the lake. Deprived of their transport, the rugby team left in high dudgeon. 'Well, that's us up the creek' I remarked to the tramp.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

"What, no paddle?" enquired the tramp. "Surely the flow will take us back to where we want to be."

This was a blinding revelation to his listeners; they were absolutely gobsmacked.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

Glinda, Dorothy and I picked ourselves up after being hit in the mouth by flying monkeys. The tramp commented that what with the cross lion, the po-faced crocodile and the evil chimpanzees, strolling through the woods was not what it used to be. "It's a jungle out there!" he said as the rain began to hammer down again.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Through the green thick undergrowth came Tarzan, swinging on a tendrilly rope. "Anyone seen Jane," he enquired. "And could I have my hammer back, please? I'm being drowned by the rain unless I can get my roof fixed."

"He'd dp better to get plastered instead,~" muttered Dorothy."Then he wouldn't notice the rain at all."

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

Being temporarily blinded by the revelation, we were all somewhat startled to hear Tarzan calling down to us.

"What on earth is that?" muttered the tramp as bits of wet plaster dripped from Tarzan's dangling torso. "They must have birds as big as buses in these parts."

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :

At that moment Megabird arrived. "All aboard", he said. We all climbed on to his back, although it was packed and we had to stand for the whole journey. When we came to the end of the route, we all got off. We were in the Emerald City, just outside McDonalds. "I fancy a Big Mac", said Glinda.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

"Yeah, well, Big Mac doesn’t fancy you," said a huge, shaven-headed man with an incredible assortment of tattoos, looking her up and down. "Burger off."

"Not after we’ve come all this way," I said, "and I’ve got vouchers for a special offer."

"You lot have had your chips," said the shaven-headed man and turning on a sixpence, disappeared.

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :

Though we didn't recall having eaten, we picked up the sixpence, which was shiny brightly in the mud, turned it off to save electricity, and offered it to a nearby motorist. "I'd offer you a lift," he said, "but I appear to have run out of juice."

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

We pointed him to the nearest mango tree, but he actually didn't give a toss.

We thought he had better mend his ways if he wanted to be flavour of the month.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

"Today tastes like aniseed," said Glinda dreamily. "Yesterday was better - that was tutti fruiti."

"Is anyone still hungry?" asked Tarzan. "I could eat a horse - or even a hippo."

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Under the mango tree was a Hippo Food Truck- hippo hot dogs. hippo hamburgers, even hippo hoagies were on offer. Then Jane appeared out of thin air to demand Tarzan buy her a hippo garbage burrito, a large order of onion rings, and an extra large black forest shake. She had a bun in the oven.

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :

"We'd better get home quickly", said Tarzan to Jane "or the bun will be burnt", and off they went. The rest of us decided to visit the wizard to see if he could help us to get home, so after we'd finished eating we made our way to his palace. We knocked on the palace door. It was opened by Mac, the big, shaven-headed man we'd met earlier. "What do you lot want?" he said. "We want to see the wizard", said Dorothy. "Well, you can't", he said, "Your names aren't down, you're not coming in".

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

"Yes they are," I protested and pulled out a list for Mac to see. "Glinda Down, Dorothy Down, Tramp Down..."

Big Mac looked suspiciously at me and then at the list and back again, but it was in print so it had to be true. "Well, come in and make yourselves at home then," he said sarcastically and stalked ahead of us with his nose in the air.

[ 04. November 2015, 07:22: Message edited by: Ariel ]

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

"Walk this way," said Big Mac. So we followed the strange man, with our heads tilted back so our noses were in the air too. He had legs made of broccoli stalks and there was quite a spring in his step.

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :

We did not know how he had come to be without a real foot, but none of us liked to ask. He showed us into a room and closed the door behind us. We suddenly got a shock as we heard the key turning and realised at the same time that there was no wizard in the room, only a lizard, munching a cornish pasty. "Hey Mac", shouted Dorothy, "where's the wizard?" "Oh, wizard", shouted Mac with mock surprise, from the other side of the door, "I thought you said lizard". We could hear Mac walking away as we turned to look at the lizard. "Hallo", said the lizard gloomily, "My name's Eddie and I've been here for ages. There's no way out at all". We noticed that there were bars at the window.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

"Well, at least we can get plastered", I said as I collected my apple mojito from the cocktail bar, while Eddie the lounge lizard sauntered to the piano bar to sing the blues.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

"Now we know where the rugby team were headed," I said to the tramp as a rousing rendition of the Blues team song rattled our eardrums. Glinda gave me a wink as she purred to the barman. "I'd like a Black Russian, please."

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

"Not many of those around," he replied. "Would a yellowish Mongolian do?"

"Stop pulling my leg" she said. "I'm feeling too shattered for jokes. Give me a break, for heaven's sake."

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

"Coming right up!" said the barman and leaning down, produced from under the counter a genuine Russian Black cat, thrusting it into Glinda's arms. "That'll be £850, do you want ice with that or a cherry on top?"

The tramp eyed Eddie the lizard speculatively, then grabbed him and plonked him on the counter. "Let’s do a swop, we’ll take the cat, you take the lizard, keep the ice, we’ll take the cherry and a little parasol."

"You drive a hard bargain," said the barman.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

'Which is parked right outside, if we could just get out of this locked room.

OK, everybody - back to the piano. We need to find the right key.'

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

We all gathered around the right hand side of the piano expectantly. "What shall I play?" hissed Eddie, who was a bit dark about being traded for a cat.

Glinda smiled and whispered into the holes on his head.

"All right." he agreed, "Let's give the Jailhouse Rock a good belt out."

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

The Blues Brothers were suddenly there, wearing shoes made from automotive timing belts. As they performed (with Eddie on keyboard), everyone rocked to the Jailhouse Rock. Glinda did cartwheels, Dorothy did handsprings, and everyone had a smashing time.

[ 05. November 2015, 19:30: Message edited by: Golden Key ]

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :

The next thing I could remember was waking up outdoors, early the next morning. The palace was a heap of rubble nearby. "There they are, Officer!", said a woman to a policeman. "They completely demolished a beautiful historic building! We get a lot of trouble with drunks around here but this really takes the biscuit!".

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

"I'll be taking that as evidence," said the officer, picking up the biscuit carefully after it had been photographed. "And this jailhouse rock too," he added, collecting some of the rubble.
"Stone the crows, you are a rum looking lot."

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

"60% proof after our intake today" said Glinda, taking precise aim at the nearest black-winged bird.

"However, I can't make head nor tail of today's events.It's a real headache."

The policeman bounced back with a jolly"Well, it's nearly over now. The sun goeth down."

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :

While the policeman was at the bottom of the well, trying to retrieve his tabloid newspaper, we quickly pulled the ladder up out of the well and then made our escape. Soon we were sitting on a train with tickets to Amethyst City, which was as far as the railway went. The train began moving and a voice from the tannoy informed us that drinks and snacks were available in the buffet. "Hair of the dog is what we need", said the tramp.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Dorothy took a deep breath."I wouldn't, if I were y-"

Ignoring her, the tramp reached across her blue and white checked lap and grabbed a handful of Toto's fur. Toto, who had been attempting to sleep it off, jumped to his feet and buried his teeth in the tramp's hand. The tramp squealed and tried fruitlessly to shake the little dog loose.

"Get him, Toto!" Dorothy cheered, blood lust in her eyes. "You get that old meanie!"

Ellwood Blues leaned back in his seat and lit a cheroot. "Well, ain't that a sight for sore eyes," he chuckled.

[ 07. November 2015, 23:01: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

"Ow!" we all chorused as the Amethyst City came into view and made our eyes sore. It had been a long and uncomfortable night on the train, and now the morning sun bouncing off the crystalline roofs made us all squint. Only Ellwood and Jake were smiling - but then, they were the only ones with sunglasses.
Ellwood rubbed his hands, " I do believe opportunity knocks, but we need to front the penguin first."

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :

We felt a bit foolish arguing with a chocolate biscuit in the station foyer, but very soon a knock came at the window and a man walked in. "Hallo there", he said, "My name's Opportunity and I want you all to be in the dance extravaganza at the theatre". We followed Opportunity out of the station, but I whispered to Glinda, "What am I going to do? I've got two left feet".

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

"Make a trade," Glinda replied, pointing out a young dancer hobbled by two right feet. Approached with the proposal, the dancer gleefully handed over her left right foot as I handed back my right left foot. Then we both cut a rug to the strains of "Cheek to Cheek".

[ 09. November 2015, 13:55: Message edited by: Lyda*Rose ]

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :

And it was indeed a strain, remaining cheek to cheek while they took a pair of scissors each and began to shred the small circular patch of carpet which lay before them. "I feel a fool," muttered Glinda.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

"Hey! Watch those hands!" sputtered the fool as he waved his bladder menacingly at the careless witch.

Attention now caught, Glinda purred, "Under all that motley, you are actually quite a hunk." Elwood rolled his eyes as the flustered jester glowed beet red.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

"Oy, geroff!" objected the Fool, fed up with all this undue attention. "You can get arrested for that! I'll have you know I have friends in High Places!"

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

We glanced up at the trees, where a bunch of people in strange motley costumes, perched in the branches, waved back enthusiastically. We pretended we hadn't noticed them and moved hastily away in case they fell on top of us.

"Let's get something to eat," said the tramp impatiently. "Fries and a hot dog will do me just fine."

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

Last we saw of the fool was him chasing a panting puppy down the street. "I'm hungry too, " said Ellwood, "but Jake needs four fried chickens and a coke. Where's the nearest Milk Bar or Soda Fountain?"

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :

But nobody much fancied drinking out of a fountain where people had been paddling in its pool and the milk bar would need a powerful metal saw to open it. "Whoever designs these milk containers needs shooting", said Glinda. After walking for what seemed like hours along street after street, we eventually found a McTucky Burger Fried King. We all ate. Toto had a special McTucky Doggy Meal which consisted of a burger, fries, a container of water and a bonio. "Does anyone know the way back to the theatre?", said Dorothy, suddenly looking at the clock, "The show's due to start soon." "Search me", we all said in unison.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

The Search Gestapo materialised on the spot and advanced with thunderous looks. We ducked hastily and made tracks as fast as we could, looking for a bolt hole.

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :

We lifted a huge bolt out of the ground, revealing a hole just big enough for us to get through. We jumped into the hole, disappointed that we would not have time to stay and play with the model railway. We found ourselves going down a long slide and the next thing we knew we were in a room, where Q was showing James Bond some gadgets. They both turned to look at us. "Well, now they know about the secret mission, they'll have to join you on your assignment, 007", said Q. James Bond did not seem very enthusiastic about this, but led the way towards a lift. Q said that transport to the airport would be waiting when we got out of the lift. From the airport we would fly with James Bond to some exotic location. "Don't mention this to M, will you?", said Q to James Bond as we got into the lift, "She'll have our guts for garters".

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

"Well, at least we missed the thunder," replied Bond, hastily feeling his abdomen to check the gut quotient thereof."But this floor is sheer glass to walk on." "Banana skin territory, " commented Q.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

"Back off!" said B1. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked B2. "I think I am, B1" replied the second banana, fetching a firehose. "It's cream tea time!" they chorused.

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :

Eventually the bananas stopped chasing us and turned into the city opera house.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

The opera house was amazing. There were arches, painted black on the inside, with a large red lamp hanging from the roof of each. "My goodness," said Glinda, "they're fluorescent tomatoes!"

"No, no, " barked Toto. "Just stationary fireballs. If you can handle that."

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :

We all stood next to the burned down opera house. "They ruined my big night!", said Josie Carreras the opera singer. "We came here for a night of drama and this is what happens!", said an angry ticket holder who obviously had no sense of irony. "You just couldn't leave my balls alone, could you?!" the theatre manager said to us angrily, "I'll b****y give you all Puccini!".

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Puccini, a little blood seeping from a paper cut, crawled out from a secret basement door of the opera house. Everyone stared at him.

He stood up, muttering in Italian, dusted off his clothes, and took a gallant bow. "Yes, I'm dead--get over it!"

More staring. Puccini got a wicked gleam in his eye.

"So...two kids dare each other to go into a graveyard on All Soul's night. They see a strange light, seeping out around a monument. They scramble over to it, and accidentally trip down the stairs revealed by a moved monument.

"When they landed, they saw, by candle light, a man with wavy hair and old clothing, sitting in a corner. He had two stacks of paper. He would take a sheet from one stack, erase everything on it, and put it in the other stack.

"Suddenly noticing them, the man smiled. 'Hello! I'm Beethoven, and I'm...decomposing.'"

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :

"Probably just as well", said the theatre manager, "we were going to put on Fidelio". He turned to us. "You needn't think you lot are off the hook though".

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