Ship of Fools: Gifts for people in hospital

Thread: Gifts for people in hospital Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

More specifically, I'm looking for ideas of things I could bring as gifts for someone elderly who is at the end-of-life stage.

She's past the stage of being able to hold or read a book. Eating is difficult, but I've continued to bring chocolates (chocolate buttons are easier now) and some small pots of favourite creamy desserts. She isn't mobile and has difficulty communicating (memory is not at all what it was either). Flowers aren't permitted on the ward, but other people have suggested artificial ones.

I was thinking of printing out some photos of her home town, maybe bringing some of her favourite perfume in. I was thinking perhaps of some small squares of soft fabric to stroke and feel.

I'd welcome any suggestions for anything else.

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :

Some lovely ideas, Ariel. If she is a Christian, possibly one of those small olive wood crosses that she can hold or keep under her pillow.

Posted by Chocoholic (# 4655) on :

If you are thinking of the soft fabrics there are twiddle mitts which you can buy or make especially if you know her favourite colours.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

How about a soft toy? Something to cuddle if she has the strength to hold it. A friend's elderly mother was very pleased with a small purple teddy bear.

Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :

Great suggestions-- particularly the photos.

Other ideas: if she has some way of listening to music (CD player, iPod) some recording of favorite hymns or books on tape. Soft cozy socks are often appreciated in hospital, or a soft shawl or afghan.

Posted by lily pad (# 11456) on :

Keep in mind that perfume or perfumed items may not be allowed in the hospital.

This may seem silly, but one of my elderly friend's favourite things was a little plastic flower pot with a bright daisy in it. It used solar power to make the flower wave back and forth. It was an amusing conversation starter and always brought a smile to others. It was tiny and sat on her tray. I believe they are called dancing solar flowers or something like that.

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :

My late father spent a lot of time in hospital and he always appreciated a gift of a really nice squash or cordial. The overheated rooms made him thirsty a lot and it added interest to the water jugs

Posted by ErinBear (# 13173) on :

I want to second the idea of music. If there is music that you know she enjoys, or you think she might, that can be a really good gift if there is a way for her to listen to it. I had some hospitalizations this year, and listening to music really was a big help to me. My situation is different than end-of-life issues, but I think having music one enjoys would be a real comfort for many people in that instance.

Prayers and blessings,
ErinBear

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Some great suggestions - thanks all! Bedsocks, definitely, thanks for the prompt, cliffdweller.

I'm also wondering about getting a little Box of Memories together with some photos and little things in it that can easily be picked up and held to look at or feel and enjoy, so giving that some thought. I don't want them to get lost in hospital, though.

Posted by Arabella Purity Winterbottom (# 3434) on :

Memories are good. When Mum was dying we kept a conversation about things that happened in the past going. If your friend is able to look at photos this is easier - we do it a lot with my ma-in-law. She enjoys being able to wander down memory lane, specially since what happened yesterday is gone.

Posted by lily pad (# 11456) on :

Another thought, I once visited a woman who had a guest book on her tray. She was very insistent that everyone who visited her sign it and leave a note about their day or about the visit.

Our church had recently been torn down and a new one built and, since I lived close to where she had moved for her retirement, my parents gave me photos of the new church with hand written notes on the back to take to her. I spent a lovely hour or so, signed the guest book, and left the photos.

Her daughter was very pleased to know where the photos had come from and to have the connection to our family.

The book wasn't fancy, a regular notebook, as I recall, but it sure prompted some nice visits and let the staff and regular visitors have something to talk about when they read who had been by.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

I second the suggestion of a soft toy animal. My sister got my mother a plush turtle (you'd have to know my mother!) which she cuddled in bed.

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

I'd go along with the teddy-bear idea too. You're never too old for one. [Smile]

Some of the patients on the ward where my mum was had teddies, and you can get very soft, tactile ones these days.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:

I'm also wondering about getting a little Box of Memories together with some photos and little things in it that can easily be picked up and held to look at or feel and enjoy, so giving that some thought. I don't want them to get lost in hospital, though.

if the box is clearly labelled on the lid
Mary's memory box -please do not move there should not be a problem.

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :

Ariel, such a box sounds a really good idea. Would it be a good idea to have the original photos copied and for you to keep the original? I knew someone, a quilter, who used to use scraps of material in much the same way as others use photos. Give her a scrap and she knew when she made the quilt, and more details. Little things trigger memories.

I am still grateful to the young nurse who would have long conversations with Dad. All about his childhood etc. He knew just how to trigger Dad's mind and they had a great time together. Amazing therapy for dad who died on this date in 1998.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

I already have some scans of the photos, so can use those.

So far I've got some postcards of places that should mean something to her, some family photos, some lovely old coins from decades ago which I'm going to polish up, a prayer card of St Michael and a rosary. There'll be something with lavender if I can get it in the next couple of days, some trinkets and some pictures of home. I don't want to overload the box (or its recipient) but may add other things as I think of them.

I was quite lucky with St Michael (who she has a special devotion to) - just arrived at the church shop about 10 minutes before they closed, to find just what I'd hoped for, and it was the last one on the shelf.

Posted by Beenster (# 242) on :

This may sound a bit trite but i would be inclined to share the words on this thread, maybe read it to her? I think if it were me, I would be touched beyond belief that someone had cared so much to ask around how best to help and people had cared to answer.

in an often lonely world, it will be something of the present your friend maybe able to ponder over. Not sure how great the memory is but it may touch the heart for a moment?

If I were your friend, I would be greatly warmed by your thought and care.

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :

The one thing I've really wanted during my short hospital stays was a soft pillow - one that hadn't been through the hospital laundry. I don't know if they allow you to bring them in, with all the emphasis on infection control now, but it would make a difference.

(Another thing I once prayed for in the hospital, just before Christmas a few years ago, was that God would smite down the Salvation Army band, but he didn't, and the band played on).

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :

Having spent several years of my life in the hospitals (not anything long term since April 2002, thank goodness) the one thing I always appreciated was books and magazines.

A soft pillow would have been nice - and as long as the pillowcase was changed on a regular basis (coloured cases would be enough to distinguish your personal pillow, I don't see that the hospital would complain.

As for the Salvation Army noisemakers, I heartily agree. Thank goodness they were not permitted to promenade their noise through the hospital wards. I used to send clowns packing after I turned 9 or so.

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :

I visited a lady who had been confined to bed in hospital for many months. I found she appreciated small gifts such as a bowl of strawberries or raspberries. I also mad her a photo album of her favourite people and places which she enjoyed sharing with other visitors. One of the worst gifts is a big bunch of flowers that need a vase of which there seems to be a shortage in most hospitals.

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Good suggestions, especially re taste and touch.

Maybe some hand lotion, or other small comforts/luxuries? Be sure to find out if she has any skin sensitivities, first, and any issues around scents. If she's capable of putting the lotion on unaided, see if you can find something that's easy for her to open/use. E.g., if she doesn't have much dexterity but does have some hand strength, a pump bottle of lotion might be good.

Also if she's in bed and the gift is something that could easily slip off the bed, maybe find a way to fasten it to the bed or rails. If a teddy bear decides to go exploring under the bed, she won't be able to get it, and the nurses may not have time to retrieve it. But if you make a belt or leash out of ribbon, velcro, string, etc., then the bear can stay where it's needed.

(I'm in bed most of the time, and it's a royal pain if something slips off the bed and I'm not up to retrieving it!)

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Doone:
Some lovely ideas, Ariel. If she is a Christian, possibly one of those small olive wood crosses that she can hold or keep under her pillow.

Or a rosary, if she's comfortable with that. If she happens to be Buddhist, there are mala prayer beads. They can be comforting, even if just held.

Oh, and about fabric pieces for her to touch: If possible, maybe find out if there are any particular textures she likes. FWIW.

Posted by BabyWombat (# 18552) on :

I'd augment these many excellent ideas by adding two thoughts:

If you bring the gift of music consider bringing some of an era of her life she enjoyed -- perhaps when she was courting or raising children -- music from her happy time of life.

If you can bring in a guest book perhaps ask if staff would allow you to post a little sign asking those who visit or stop by to sign. This is primarily for you -- so you know who to thank. The individual in the facility may not think to mention visitors to you.

And blessings on you both a this difficult time!

Posted by Hail Mary (# 18531) on :

Something colourful to put hanging in the window, over the bed, or sit on the sill, like a little stained glass sun catcher or mobile that will throw colours around the room.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Thanks all for these lovely suggestions. I'd put together a Box of Memories with pictures of her home town, an old family photograph taken on her wedding day, a prayer card and rosary, some postcards of places that held meaning for her, and some little trinkets that mean nothing to anyone else. I’d also bought a tiny pot of yellow silk daisies, as real flowers weren’t allowed on the ward. However, end of life caught up with her before I did, and these things aren't needed now.

None the less, please feel free to make further suggestions as someone else might find them helpful or inspirational. I don't want this to turn into a memorial thread.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

[Votive]

For both of you.

Posted by Japes (# 5358) on :

I'm sorry, Ariel. Many thoughts for you as you do what now needs to be done.

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :

Ariel I hope the box that you have so lovingly made up gives you comfort [Votive]

your thoughtful thread and all the contributors have given me many ideas for little gifts when visiting elderly friends and family, thank you everyone [Angel]

Posted by Graven Image (# 8755) on :

My mother really seemed to like a muff I gave her. Her hands were always cold and the muff was a lot easier to use then mittens or gloves. It was a child's muff with an animal head on it but worked well because she was a small women and by then very thin. I had trouble finding an adult muff but the animal head muff turned out to be better because it gave others a reason to talk with her about her dog headed muff.

Posted by Hail Mary (# 18531) on :

Bless you for your kind heart, Ariel. Hearts like yours keep the world turning.

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