Ship of Fools: Supporting people in ministry when a ministry ends

Thread: Supporting people in ministry when a ministry ends Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Mili (# 3254) on :

I found out tonight that a ministry I am involved in is ending. The pastors who run it are ending it against their will due to financial issues and are pretty devastated as it has been their life's work for many years. I am grieving for the loss of this ministry in my life and for the many people we minister to as well, but I saw the writing on the wall and was not totally shocked by this outcome. (Though things are ending much more quickly than I expected - I thought there might be a few years left at best or at least to the end of this year).

What I would really like advice about is how to support the pastors, who are also friends of mine, and around retirement age, through this really difficult time. How do you help people who have lived, breathed and put heart, soul and body into a ministry and then have to end it before they feel its time was up and while they still have the capacity to run it? It would be great to hear from those who have experienced similar situations or have supported people through this type of experience.

Perhaps I am trying to be too much of a 'fixer upperer' and should leave a lot in God's hands, but I am feeling so helpless seeing my friends in such pain.

[ 08. June 2016, 13:06: Message edited by: Mili ]

Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :

I suspect your friends (and you) will experience it as a kind of death. So I would respond the way you would if a friends' spouse, with whom you also had a friendship, were to suddenly pass away before their time. Don't offer easy tropisms about "God opening doors", don't try to fix it. Just sit with them, grieve with them. See if they have any practical needs (financial or vocational) that you can assist with. Pray with and for them. Share memories. Weep together.

This will be a special kind of grieving because we don't have something like a funeral or any culturally established modes for expressing grief. So just making a space for that-- going out for a beer to talk about it, grieve together-- will be tremendously helpful to the healing process.

Also just saying out loud, "this sucks."

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

I recently found a great article addressed to those grieving the end of active ministry [url= http://www.preacherdevelopment.uk7.net/A%20Preacher's%20Retirement.pdf]here.[/url]

[Edited to fix broken URL code - Piglet, AS host]

[ 08. June 2016, 16:52: Message edited by: Piglet ]

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

Yes. It will be a death, and it will keep on dying, if you know what I mean. It's all the harder when there is no new ministry focus to distract you from the old. And it's very easy to wind up asking God, "Where do we go from here? What's the roadmap now?" which is a normal but very uncomfortable place to be in, after years of having a path marked out.

Listen. Don't avoid mentioning the ministry or asking about it ("How is so-and-so doing? What's going to happen with X?") Silence won't spare them any pain. Expect the grieving to take years, though hopefully the worst of it will be up front and early.

When it happened to us, one thing I eventually found solace in was using the bank of experience we'd gained to help others (write a book, create resources for similar ministries, etc. etc.--that kind of thing). Though this might be way too early to think about those possibilities.

Besides all the "this is like a death in the family" stuff, it's also like retirement in other ways, whether they actually do retire or not. Their identity has been tied up in this ministry for yonks. But now that the ministry is ending, the day is coming quickly when people will look at them blankly and say "and who are you again?" no matter how well-known they were in that particular field. And that leaves a curious sense of having vanished as a person. They will know better, of course; but the emotions are still there. And it takes some time to adapt from the wrong-but-common attitude "I am what I do" (ministry worker in X) to "I am what I am, child of God." If they've managed to avoid that common trap, I salute them. I think most people struggle with it, and the problem becomes acute when the work goes away.

This all sucks so much. Just be there for them, and keep calling, having coffee together, etc. Don't vanish with the rest of the herd, who were only ever there because it was to do with the work anyway. And they will be blessed in you.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

I'm afraid that link is still broken, Piglet.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

I liken it to being yanked out of a very comfortable garden. You're healthy, growing well and then it all disappears. The connections, the soil - the environment is gone.

It's actually bloody stressful for the plant. All you can do is try to stay alive until it becomes clear if and when you will be replanted.

I recommend not drying out too much. Find whatever spiritual water you can until you know what the next season in your life will be. And rest. Because you deserve it after all you have poured out to others.

[Votive]

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
I'm afraid that link is still broken, Piglet.

I'm not quite sure which part of the site Leo meant to link to. When I clicked on the link I "repaired" it said the file couldn't be found but offered a link to the Methodist Church Leeds Preacher Development web-site home page.

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :

I would concur with the advice here.
Don't do something, just stand there.

It is ok to grieve.
It is ok to not have answers.
And it is ok for you to grieve as well.

The other thing I would think about is celebrating the legacy- the good outcomes that have occurred over the years.

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

Brilliant thought, Patdys!

Can a service or Meeting or something of thanksgiving be organised?

Posted by Mili (# 3254) on :

Thanks for all the advice. I'm not feeling too bad yet, but know it affected me as I barely slept last night and am usually a good sleeper. There's lots of work to do to wrap things up in a short time and the pastors have said they will need some time to process everything and decide what they are doing next. However we do plan on having a get together after things settle down. Maybe we could make a photo book or album to celebrate the many years of service the couple gave to the community. I'm sure us volunteers will come up with something appropriate.

I managed to open the link above by copying and pasting into the address book and it did have some good advice for retiring pastors. I don't think this couple will retire yet, though I do know they have considered fostering children, but the charity kept them too busy up to now, so maybe that may be their next step. They will definitely need some time off first though, unless God has other plans as sometimes happens.

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

There's something odd abot that url - if you go via this review and click the link where it says 'reference to an article on their website it should take you there.

Posted by Jengie jon (# 273) on :

Mili

This is just an idea and a transitional one. If it were a person who died there might well be a book of condolences. Why don't you or someone else involved set about collecting reminisces from the clients and volunteers to present to leader so they have something positive and tangible left from the ministry?

Jengie

Posted by Mili (# 3254) on :

That sounds like a great idea too. Maybe we could make a scrap book or digital album of some sort or even an i-Movie with photos and text or spoken memories. A lot of our programs are for children though who don't yet know we're winding up and love our programs, even homework program [Frown]

. We do have testimonies from children who are now grown up and how their lives were helped etc. and also from the children about what they like about our programs - these could be included.

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