quote:

---

Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
I don't think we're having turkey this year.

---

 

---

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
Isn't the choice to make a miserable violation of a wolf-descendent live trapped in your home basically signing up for some faeces smeared across the communal den?

I bet you get annoyed with it when it fails to understand English, even when spoken loudly. "Spot, come here. Here, Spot, right now! SPOT! Come here!"
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
It thought she was telling it to leave spots.
 

---

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :
 
They say dogs take on the traits of their owners.
 

---

Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on :
 
My dog always stays outside.
 

---

Posted by JonahMan (# 12126) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:
There's a lot to be said for having cats.

---

Yeah, well one of our cats decided to wee in an expensive bassoon case the other day, it having been left in the open for about 10 milliseconds, in spite of the fact that said cat had never ever excreted anywhere except in the litter tray or outside before.

Still, you don't have to take cats for walks in the rain.
 

---

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :
 
Bummerama.

My granddog once came in wearing a dead squirrel hat. He found a (long) dead squirrel and managed to get it on top of his head. He was so proud.

Our cat has taken to pissing on the bed when she is upset; sometimes with my wife underneath her. And, although I keep trying, for some reason the owl that lives in our yard has yet to notice the cat as a food source.

At least the granddog makes up for his occasional faux pas by being affectionate. The cat - I may take up violin.
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
That's pretty rude LC. Our previous dog liked to eat the cat's poo. Then come and want to lick our faces. There's nothing quite like poopy dog breath, well I suppose humping your leg comes close. It's a great icebreaker with people you're trying to impress.

The current dog had diarrhoea and took to wiping her back end on the carpet, propelling herself forward with front legs, creating a nice streaky carpet, which the cat was quite interested in. We no longer have carpets.

Like children, dogs are parasites with their redeeming quality to be love.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
I am led to believe that vets charge for 'putting pets to sleep', but that the cost is less than that of refurnishing/cleaning/recarpeting your home....

I.
 

---

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :
 
LC, as a fellow dog-owner I guess my first reaction should be 'Aw, poor you!' But, dogs, shit, vomit, urine and finding said animal and substances in various inappropriate places is part of the penalty, as Rook says, for the evolutionary arrogance of letting wolves get too close to the camp fire.

My lurcher has to be supervised when both my dogs go poop-poop, as he sits patiently waiting for the greyhound to defecate, and then makes a dive to gobble it up while it's still hot. Yummy! And just recently I spent the night superintending the lurcher's epic vomit-athon, as he trotted from room to room and without warning began boaking everything up; going out to the back yard to swallow grass, return and regurgitate it all over his bed, my bed, the carpet - only to repeat the cycle, literally ad nauseum, for a fun-filled evening of kitchen roll, floor cloth and dog-cleansing spray activities. And all the time he still looks up at me as if to say, 'But you don't mind, do you, Mum? Hey, will I finish off that toast for you - and what about those biscuits... and that plate needs licking, and these dead insects under the sofa look nice and crunchy...'

The greyhound has a habit of pooping and then walking backwards through it, or using his two back legs to 'pretend-bury' his little parcel of joy, and in the process flicking it all over the gaff with his feet. As I'm usually trying to bag it up by this stage, this is a risky but no doubt, to the neighbours, fun-to-watch maneuvre.

Tortuf, I love the image of the dog with the dead-squirrel hat. My first dog lived for those walks when she could roll orgasmically in fresh, preferably liquid, fox faeces. The look of smug happy achievement on her face as she stood dripping in crap was a sight to behold!
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 


Thank you all sooooo much for these edifying word-pictures........

I.
 

---

Posted by Doublethink. (# 1984) on :
 
You guys have heard of pet behaviour specialist right ? Some pet insurers will even pay for them ...
 

---

Posted by Og, King of Bashan (# 9562) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
Like children, dogs are parasites with their redeeming quality to be love.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:
I am so glad I only have gerbils and fish.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Og, King of Bashan:
I took a life insurance physical a few years ago, and my blood pressure was about perfect. The nurse commented on it, and I marked it up to giving the dog lots of belly rubs.

He responded: "Isn't it funny how having a dog is both the cause of endless stress and the best way to relieve stress at the end of the day." Truer words, as they say...

---

I've had two different doctors, performing different procedures*, get me to relax by talking to me about my dog. It worked.


*You don't want to know either of them.
 

---

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:
I am so glad I only have gerbils and fish.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by RooK:
I would have thought gerbils to be too small for your taste.

---

The internet is full of stories (most of them unsubstantiated) about those who quite enjoy gerbils.

 

---

Posted by Pine Marten (# 11068) on :
 
Just popping in to say this is the most hilarious thread I've read in a while

I am owned by cats.
 

---

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Doublethink.:
You guys have heard of pet behaviour specialist right ? Some pet insurers will even pay for them ...

---

I'd love to see someone go all dog-whisperer on my two! Though I don't think my particular insurance covers it. TBH, so long as they're not chewing the legs off my visitors, I think my mutts pretty much behave acceptably, and according to their doggy nature. I've been very fortunate.
 

---

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by RooK:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:
I am so glad I only have gerbils and fish.

---

I would have thought gerbils to be too small for your taste. And I assume that the fish is a haddock.

---

I wouldn't dream of eating my gerbils!

Neither would I dream of breeding them to create my own muridaean army of the night. Not at all.

...muahahahahaha. And so forth.
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Darn you, Marvin, now I've got to go hit the dictionary.

If it hasn't already been chewed up.
 

---

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 
It should be obvious from context but don't let me stop you.
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
what, breeding?
 

---

Posted by Athrawes (# 9594) on :
 
Please don't go there, LC. Some of us are sick.

I am home from work with a stomach bug. I have an elderly toy poodle sitting on my abdomen, strenuously resisting all attempts to move him. I am surrounded by the stuffing from several dismembered dog toys. The lambie slaughterer is lying at my feet, trying to get me interested in destroying another one, since that always makes him feel better. The blind one has decided that caring for the human does not feature on his To Do list, and is hiding under the bed.
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 


I'm sick too, though nobody's started bringing me slaughtered sacrifices as of yet. The puppy is of the opinion that I should be climbed like a tree.
 

---

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:
I wouldn't dream of eating my gerbils!

---

quote:

---

Neither would I dream of breeding them to create my own muridaean army of the night. Not at all.

---

© Ship of Fools 2016


UBB.classic^TM 6.5.0