Ship of Fools: Whom Do You Thank?

Thread: Whom Do You Thank? Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Kaplan Corday (# 16119) on :

My wife and I have a running argument about whether she should wave a grateful acknowledgement to motorists who stop to allow us to walk across zebra crossings with flashing lights.

My attitude is that it is their moral and legal obligation to stop for pedestrians, and thanking them just reinforces the pernicious idea that stopping is an optional favour which drivers can choose to bestow or withhold.

In that spirit, I always signal thanks to other drivers who make way for me when I myself am driving, because in those cases it really is a choice, and they don't have to.

When I think about it, I thank all sorts of people who are just doing what they are paid to do, and even when they don't do it cheerfully or enthusiastically - shop assistants and bus drivers, for example.

Recently I spent some time in hospital for a surgical procedure, and realised later that I had thanked the nurses and meal staff who had helped me, but not the surgeons who had carried out the operation itself, despite the fact that all of them were, after all, just doing what they are paid for.

And then there is the issue of tipping......

Posted by Pangolin Guerre (# 18686) on :

At the risk of forcing a descent of a couple levels, you're an ingrate. Just because someone just "does their job" doesn't preclude a civil acknowledging of their action. A simple wave to a driver as you cross*, a simple "thanks, mate" or whatever costs you nothing. It might improve their day.

You didn't thank your surgeons? Whatever they took out of you should be stuck back in. Whatever they stuck in should be ripped out.

Fucking troll. You must have something redeeming going on , because if I were your wife... well, I wouldn't be your wife.

*By waving thanks to a driver, I got the sweetest smile ever from Jane Siberry. Made my weekend. At the pub that evening, "Guys, you'll never guess who smiled at me today!" It was my little bonus for waving thanks before I even saw who it was.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

Response to KC:
I agree with your wife. Moral obligation is subjective and legal obligation doesn't guarantee compliance. A slight bit of courtesy, offered without weighing every factor, costs little and can benefit more. Perhaps not me, but the person being thanked and the next person who encounters them.
Tipping is subjective to where I am at any given time.

[ 13. February 2017, 22:53: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

Oh PG. Not knowing the circumstance, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
I did not thank the surgeon or operating staff in one operation, despite them saving my life, because I was sedated before they entered the theatre and they never went to the recovery room. I thanked a lot of people, but likely missed some.

Posted by Pangolin Guerre (# 18686) on :

lilBuddha, I think that sedation gives you a pass. That, I wouldn't sweat.

From your first response, it obviously wasn't a question of "principle."

[ 13. February 2017, 23:27: Message edited by: Pangolin Guerre ]

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :

It's the "annoying Samaritans" I don't thank. I routinely do not accept right of way when ceded against the rule. Ever since watching such an AS get rear ended and sent 30 feet forward.

Posted by Kaplan Corday (# 16119) on :

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
A slight bit of courtesy, offered without weighing every factor, costs little and can benefit more.

Agreed, and I, like most people, do it instinctively.

The questions remain, of whether it is invariably appropriate, and why we are sometimes inconsistent about it.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

I think courtesy is almost always appropriate.
I think inconsistency comes when we try to decide if it is appropriate. I think it comes when we are in a bad mood, think the person stopping, helping, etc., is doing it insincerely. In other words, when it offends our sense of justice or reciprocity.
I try, but fail, to just do it. Smile, wave, say thank you, etc. It costs me nothing and makes things a little brighter, IMO.

Posted by Pangolin Guerre (# 18686) on :

lilBuddha [Overused]

Posted by Egeria (# 4517) on :

I almost always wave or nod at drivers who stop to let me across at a nearby intersection where there is a crosswalk and a flashing pedestrian signal, but no stoplight. Yes, they are supposed to stop--but there are many who don't, and a few who gun their engines to beat pedestrians through the intersection, even when the lights are flashing and there are several people waiting to cross. Now that I have to use a cane, I am especially appreciative of these good drivers because I can't really speed up to get across the street. One afternoon a driver saw me approaching the crosswalk and stopped for me before I got there.

And for the last few months I've had to ride the bus a lot, too. Most of the bus drivers are terrific and they look out for passengers with limitations (and they're usually patient and courteous with people who are--er, lacking in social skills). One man edged the bus in closer to the curb so I could step down easily. I always thank them. Incidentally, so do most of the other passengers, especially the students. So what if it's their job. If they do it well and are pleasant to passengers (must be really hard at times), they deserve appreciation. (Anybody from AC Transit reading this, please take note!)

I think anyone who deals with the public and does it with efficiency and courtesy deserves a thank you. [Overused]

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :

I thank people whether the service/courtesy they have offered is part of their job or a legal obligation or their kindness.

On the road it's part of being seen as a person (I've been told there is research that says car drivers give more space to cyclists dressed in street clothes than they do to people dressed in lycra, and there are posters on buses here reminding motorists that the cyclist is someone's Mother, Father, brother, sister aunt etc). I see thanking people in this situation as a way of keeping the emotional temperature down. Similarly if I do something wrong or stupid I try to catch someone's eye to gesture an apology.

I always* thank bus drivers as I get off the bus, as do most of the passengers here. I often thank them too when I get on, especially if they have come close to the kerb and 'kneeled' the bus so I can get on easily.

I think by thanking people you recognise their humanity, that this is a human being I am relating to, not a machine (though my Mother often thanked her friend's cranky car when they arrived at their destination as it couldn't be taken for granted [Biased]

.

As for tipping - it is not customary here, although I think that's changing in some resort hotels and even cafés sometimes have a tip jar on the counter.

*I didn't thank the bus driver who was rude, who took off so quickly from the stop an elderly woman sat down abruptly on the floor. and who drove past stops even though someone had signalled they wanted to get off, but I did put in a complaint about his behaviour.

Huia

[ 14. February 2017, 06:39: Message edited by: Huia ]

Posted by Tobias (# 18613) on :

I thank motorists who stop for me at a crossing - as has already been said, that they are supposed to doesn't mean they all do; and, as Huia said, 'it's part of being seen as a person'. In part my decision may be personally prudential, but I also think it fosters good will in the community.

I thank other drivers who let me into a stream of traffic, or slow down to let me change lanes. I don't thank someone merely for giving way to me when I have the right of way - and I certainly don't expect others to thank me just for doing so!

quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
It's the "annoying Samaritans" I don't thank. I routinely do not accept right of way when ceded against the rule. Ever since watching such an AS get rear ended and sent 30 feet forward.

Indeed. Some motorists - no doubt 'meaning well' - will stop and gesture for you to cross, or turn, or whatever it is, oblivious to the fact that there are cars other than theirs that have not stopped. Accepting such an invitation (or following such an order!) can cause a serious accident - for which, what is more, you would be to blame.

It used to annoy me when I was crossing quiet streets (not at a crossing) if I had stopped and waited for a car to pass, and the driver drove up to near where I was, stopped, and gestured for me to cross. I don't quite know why it annoyed me - other than that I had made my decision and didn't want to be told what to do (which was petty, I suppose!). Nowadays I stand back from the road and look at a bird in the trees or somesuch until the car has passed, and then cross in my own good time.

I always greet bus drivers when getting on and thank them when getting off the bus. I thank anyone who serves me at a checkout; the staff member standing by at the self-service checkouts; anyone who takes my order or brings me anything; and anyone cleaning up my table. And no doubt many other people I'm not thinking of at the moment.

I ought to thank God more than I do. I tend to ask for things more readily than I give thanks, which is shameful.

[ 14. February 2017, 07:41: Message edited by: Tobias ]

Posted by Kaplan Corday (# 16119) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pangolin Guerre:
You must have something redeeming going on

And in a reciprocal attempt at understanding: probably most of us have, at least once, shot our mouths off hysterically and disproportionately about something, and then felt silly afterwards.

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

Consider this a timely reminder to read and remember the Ten Commandments.

Pangolin Guerre, you would do well to memorize C3 and C4 especially. The Admins are aware of your post here.

jedijudy
Heaven Host

PS...well done to the Shipmates who ignored the post mentioned above!

Posted by Pangolin Guerre (# 18686) on :

Well, I question whether the OP itself was Heavenly, and recognised my reply as distinctly not, expecting a migration. That said, Hostly Admonition has been duly noted.

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

I think civility makes the world a better place.

Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :

Thank those who pull up at pedestrian crossings, but scowl at those who drive through almost bowling me over.

Thank those who let me merge or turn out onto a busy street.

Thanks staff, shop assistants, doctor, psychiatrist, bus driver, flight attendant, pilot [on regional flights where he comes out...] etc.

Thank people who hold doors open for me.

I even thank the people who hover around the self-serve checkout. Even if they haven't helped me.

A lot of thanking. Adds civility as Leo wrote; and I find it an expression of gratitude for the job they do. Especially when people ignore checkout people or rush off without a word after their bags have been packed for them, I make a point of greeting them and asking how they are.

Though I think we are in a bare majority... I've flown a bit regionally here lately and the flight attendants barely get a word back. The bus drivers likewise. Sometimes I wondered if I was the weird one...happy to read the posts here.

[ 14. February 2017, 18:09: Message edited by: Ian Climacus ]

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :

I thank people with whom I interact. Because they are people.

If it's the flagger at a construction site, he gets a wave. People who stop at zebra crossings to let me cross get a wave or a nod. Cashiers, grocery store baggers and the like get a word of thanks, and probably some pleasantry appropriate to the time and/or season.

The kids, when they do something around the house (no, loading the dishwasher is not optional, but they're still going to be thanked when they've done it.)

I would think that almost every interaction I have with another person ends with us thanking each other.

Posted by Og, King of Bashan (# 9562) on :

quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
It's the "annoying Samaritans" I don't thank. I routinely do not accept right of way when ceded against the rule. Ever since watching such an AS get rear ended and sent 30 feet forward.

There's one we agree on. Road safety is about predictability. I appreciate the thought, but if you don't have a stop sign and I do, stop acting erratically and just go.

As for the OP, any time you take a moral position that sounds like the set-up for a Seinfeld episode, you should reconsider. There are plenty of people who don't stop at crosswalks. One I encountered who politely honked as he sped towards the crosswalk to let everyone know that they shouldn't even think about getting in his way. Rule following deserves positive reinforcement, so you waive.

Posted by Aravis (# 13824) on :

I live near a badly situated zebra crossing on a busy road.
When crossing I hold my hand out in a gesture which evolves depending on the response of the driver. [Biased]

As a general principle, why would you not thank someone? It usually makes them feel better, it may make you feel better, and it will encourage them to continue to treat others well.

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

As a pedestrian I'd always acknowledge with a smile or a wave a driver who stopped for me, whether at a zebra crossing or not.

Where we lived in Newfoundland was a maze of narrow streets with parked cars (and snow-banks), and allowing another driver to pass was a daily occurrence. D. and I were always rather taken aback at how few drivers would acknowledge this courtesy, especially bearing in mind Canada's reputation for politeness. It seems to be more common here in New Brunswick, but still not as nearly universal as it would be at home in the UK.

eta: and bus-drivers, taxi-drivers and nurses? Absolutely. Surgeons - possibly not: as you may not see them again after you're conscious.

[ 14. February 2017, 21:43: Message edited by: Piglet ]

Posted by Kaplan Corday (# 16119) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
bus-drivers, taxi-drivers and nurses? Absolutely.

Agreed

quote:
Surgeons - possibly not: as you may not see them again after you're conscious.

In my recent experience, I saw them a day later as part of a larger group doing doctors' rounds, when they were all obviously in a hurry, and only wanted basic information from me.

When they had gone, it occurred to me that I should have expressed some sort of appreciation, but the moment seemed to have passed.

As to the roads, I would as much expect to get a grateful acknowledgement for allowing someone to walk over a zebra crossing, as to get an elephant stamp or a gold star for abstaining from driving through red lights at intersections.

ISTM childish and irrational to crave gratitude for fulfilling the most basic and obvious of our obligations.

On the other hand, if I voluntarily slow down when driving to allow someone into my lane, then I expect some sort of acknowledgement, and sometimes (to my shame) feel a bit miffed if I don't get it.

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :

Thanking a person for any kind of service, even if it's one he or she is paid to do, still seems worthwhile to me, making it a social as well as a business transaction. Nurses are important people, but it's hard to keep track of them with shift changes in the hospital, so a couple of times I've sent a letter afterwards to thank the ward staff. From feedback via other channels, I do know that that is good for their morale. One of the surgeons is another matter. He's my neighbour, and bottles of fermented fluids have been known to change hands on significant occasions.

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :

It doesn't take much effort to say thank you and if such a gesture makes someone else smile then everyone can have a better day.

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

quote:
Originally posted by bib:
It doesn't take much effort to say thank you and if such a gesture makes someone else smile then everyone can have a better day.

Yes, my Mum often said "manners cost nothing".

Small things improve our days - a smile, a thank you or a 'good morning' cost nothing and spread a little much needed cheer.

I always thank a driver who lets me in, whoever has right of way (with the 'Yorkshire wave' - a lift of the index finger with hand still on steering wheel). If other drivers don't do the same I say a slightly grumpy 'you're welcome')

[ 15. February 2017, 06:51: Message edited by: Boogie ]

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kaplan Corday:

ISTM childish and irrational to crave gratitude for fulfilling the most basic and obvious of our obligations.

Nobody has suggested that. We have been discussing who we thank, not who we expect (or require) thanks from. Those aren't the same.

I'd imagine that in more than 90% of the situations that I would acknowledge some fellow human, I wouldn't even feel a bit miffed if the fellow human failed to perform some bit of social grace. It's hard to imagine that even in most of the the 10%, my mild irritation at the lack of manners on offer would rise anywhere near the level of "crave gratitude".

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :

Related to thanks, the "you're welcome" response to thanks seems to have faded. I am hearing "no problem", which I find curious. It seems that it might have been a problem. [Hot and Hormonal]

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

It's interesting to compare the response found in other languages. De nada (Of nothing) is common in Spanish, although I've also heard Nada de eso (Nothing of that). In Italian we have Prego, si figuri (Please, if it figures) and Non c'è di che (Not this about that). Similar to "don't mention it" in English.

Personally, I hate hearing "No problem." "You're welcome" or "don't mention it" would be more pleasant to hear.

Posted by Og, King of Bashan (# 9562) on :

Also on crosswalks, they had a campaign around here encouraging pedestrians and drivers to make eye contact at crosswalks. If I am coming from your left on foot and you are totally focused on the oncoming traffic on your right and obviously have not taken note of my presence, I should be pretty careful about walking in front of your car. So the nod and waive is also an acknowledgment that we see each other.

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :

Og, I've mentioned on here before my youngest brother, a frequent cyclist who will sometimes wave extravagantly or jump up and down at intersections.

"They'll think you're a loony" I said.

"Ah, but I'm a *safe* loony"

Part of the reason I rarely bike at night is that I can't see whether I've caught the eye of motorists at an intersection and I find that unnerving.

Huia

[ 15. February 2017, 17:38: Message edited by: Huia ]

Posted by Jay-Emm (# 11411) on :

The problem I find is most of the time they aren't in the position to see thanks. (Or I'm concentrating on the manouver they've let me do).

(I need a backwards flashing light).

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Og, King of Bashan:
Also on crosswalks, they had a campaign around here encouraging pedestrians and drivers to make eye contact at crosswalks. If I am coming from your left on foot and you are totally focused on the oncoming traffic on your right and obviously have not taken note of my presence, I should be pretty careful about walking in front of your car. So the nod and waive is also an acknowledgment that we see each other.

If necessary while on a bicycle, I hit the car with my hand. (I have hit 2 with the bicycle, not as good.) Most often eye contact is instant. Any response is met by my friendly nod and if queried, that I prefer not being killed or injured. Very ocassionally someone is rude about which I inform them that this isn't a conversation and please be more attentive.

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jay-Emm:
The problem I find is most of the time they aren't in the position to see thanks. (Or I'm concentrating on the manouver they've let me do).

(I need a backwards flashing light).

Round here a quick two flashes of the hazard lights means 'thank you'.

I am norty - I push in to a busy queue the raise a hand in 'thanks' to the person who had no choice but to let me in [Two face]

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :

I like to slap their hood and shout, "I'm walkin' here!" Oh wait that was Ratzo Rizzo. Truthfully, in big cities where a hoard of pedestrians are crossing at the light, I think a wave to the person in the front car would confuse him and make him wonder where I knew him from.

I usually do lots of thanking though. I recently was rushed from my dentist's office to the local urgent care because an allergic reaction had made my lips turn the size of oranges, my nose turn straight up and the area from nose to chin solid black. Ya'll should have seen me! With my long blonde hair I looked like I was turning into an Afghan Hound. I thanked everyone at the time, because when we weren't all laughing they were doing things to save my life, so the next day I put in a special call to thank them all more formally. They like boxes of candy, too. I love medical people.

Posted by Jack the Lass (# 3415) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
It's interesting to compare the response found in other languages. De nada (Of nothing) is common in Spanish, although I've also heard Nada de eso (Nothing of that).

This reminded me that whilst in English we might say "it was nothing" in response to being thanked, when I was in Romania I discovered that their equivalent phrase was "pentru nimic" which literally means "for nothing". I had a couple of "whoah, where did that come from?" moments when (during conversations in English) I said thanks to someone and they replied "for nothing". It wasn't until I heard the equivalent expression in Romanian that I twigged they were just translating what they usually say, rather than being sarcastic.

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
Thanking a person for any kind of service, even if it's one he or she is paid to do, still seems worthwhile to me, making it a social as well as a business transaction. Nurses are important people, but it's hard to keep track of them with shift changes in the hospital, so a couple of times I've sent a letter afterwards to thank the ward staff. From feedback via other channels, I do know that that is good for their morale. One of the surgeons is another matter. He's my neighbour, and bottles of fermented fluids have been known to change hands on significant occasions.

Yes, I too, having been in hospital several times during the past few years, have written to the department asking for them to please pass on my thanks to Consultant and staff.
When I was young and id not use buses so much, I wondered why people said thank you to the driver all the time, but then since ceasing to drive over twenty years ago, I realised that any time I have been taken from one place to another safely, then a thank you is due, whether it is bus or taxi.
I am also a regular caller to the Highways Dept, since pavement hazards make life difficult! When action has been taken, I always phone to say thank you. One particular hazard (a large puddle where I have to cross at a controlled crossing) I have mentioned politely a few times over the past, well, almost ten years!, is, I was told the other day, going to be corrected next week. For me, it was becoming a danger.

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :

I must admit, as well as the thanking my other main reaction when biking is a scream. I've inadvertently done this on narrow streets when I hear a the door of a car being opened beside me. I scares the hell out of careless drivers about to get out of their cars because they think they have actually hit me and they tend to close their doors very quickly (or at least not open them further. I then sail on past yelling my thanks.

With the rebuilding of Christchurch there are more cycle friendly routes to ride in the CBD. [Yipee]

Huia

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Round here a quick two flashes of the hazard lights means 'thank you'.

That seems to be getting common. Though, it's almost certainly not covered in the Highway Code - indeed, taking a hand off the steering wheel to find and press the hazards button would certainly not be recommended.

I get it quite often on motorways, particularly those semi-busy times when I follow the car in front at a safe distance and someone pulls into the gap forcing me to brake to avoid running into them (or, at the very least ease off the accelerator to open up a safe distance again). Then get the 2/3 flashes of the hazards. I often think "yes, you are a hazard".

Posted by Fineline (# 12143) on :

I wonder if it's regional to some extent. Where I grew up, I never saw anyone wave to a car that had stopped for them at a zebra crossing. It was just the same as cars stopping at lights because a pedestrian had pressed the button. Cars always stopped and you crossed. No waving. Where I live now, cars don't always stop at zebra crossings, and pedestrians always wave when they do. I've wondered if the waving has created a sort of idea that it's optional, or whether the waving is a result of it not always happening!

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

Here in our town, passengers (especially old ones) getting off the bus regularly say, "Thank you, driver". But they don't in London!

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

In this city they say, 'Cheers, Drive.'

Posted by Fineline (# 12143) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
Here in our town, passengers (especially old ones) getting off the bus regularly say, "Thank you, driver". But they don't in London!

Yes, that's another difference I notice. I used to live near London, and people didn't thank bus drivers there, but here it is the norm, along with queueing for the bus.

Another thing when I lived near London is that I worked in a care home for people with learning disabilities, and they used to thank us for everything we did - making meals, bathing them, etc. - and the managers said we needed to discourage that, because we were simply doing our job, and the residents shouldn't be feeling they needed to thank us for things they were entitled to. I found that a bit strange, as if you go to a shop it is the norm to thank the cashier, even though they are just doing their job, but I can see how this was a bit different, as these residents were dependent on us for such basic stuff, and it should be normal for them, rather than constant thanking, as if we were doing them a favour. I've also worked in care homes where I live now, and there was no policy about discouraging residents from thanking us - but they didn't tend to thank us much anyway.

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :

If someone does something for me that I don't have to do myself, or that I couldn't do for myself, I say "Thank you".

So, that includes bus and taxi drivers; airplane pilots; anyone who serves me food or drinks like flight attendants, waitresses and waiters; someone who stops for me or lets me into line, whether or not it was legally required; someone who holds a door for me (even though I can do so for myself); etc.

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Fineline:
I used to live near London, and people didn't thank bus drivers there, but here it is the norm, along with queueing for the bus.

On many buses, you don't leave past the driver. You enter by the driver (so you can pay) and leave through a second set of doors. So there's no opportunity to thank the driver because you're not walking past him.

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

quote:
Originally posted by sharkshooter:
... someone who holds a door for me ...

I used to know a woman who was a very forceful feminist who took grave offence if a gentleman held a door open for her ("I'm perfectly capable of opening a door for myself").

I think she was very misguided; to me, holding a door open is just common courtesy. I'm a woman, and I'll happily accept that courtesy (from a man or a woman), and reciprocate it if I happen to get to a door just before someone else (male or female).

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

I'm always amazed when people counter courtesy with rudeness.

Posted by Polly Plummer (# 13354) on :

In my teens I was like the woman Piglet knew, and saw door-opening as an act of male condescension to a poor weak woman.
Since then I've mellowed a lot and am grateful for people who hold a door open, offer me a seat etc. without bothering whether it's because I'm female or (as I now am) oldish.

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Leorning Cniht:

quote:
Originally posted by Fineline:
I used to live near London, and people didn't thank bus drivers there, but here it is the norm, along with queueing for the bus.
On many buses, you don't leave past the driver. You enter by the driver (so you can pay) and leave through a second set of doors. So there's no opportunity to thank the driver because you're not walking past him.

We can get off the bus through either front or back door. Being vertically challenged and having a dodgy knee I always go for the front as buses can be lowered more there(they call it 'kneeling' here). At the bus Interchange where it's busy I just say 'thanks' but when it's at my stop I get off at the front and particularly thank the driver if they are close to the kerb, and have lowered the bus because it makes my life so much easier.

Which reminds me it's time I gave more feedback to the bus company about their considerate drivers.

Huia

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

During the time I lived in Los Angeles I rode the buses regularly. There was one particular woman I would always see on one of the routes I took. She always would say "Thank you, Driver" when getting off the bus.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

It takes a second or two to smile and thank someone who has served you, whether it's part of their job or a small favor. I try to make a point of it, even when I'm feeling grumpy.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Polly Plummer:
In my teens I was like the woman Piglet knew, and saw door-opening as an act of male condescension to a poor weak woman.

I've also seen it used as an act of dominance, male to male.

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

Sure, it can be misused--but that's rare in my experience. When in doubt, put the best construction on it.

Posted by Kaplan Corday (# 16119) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Polly Plummer:

Since then I've mellowed a lot and am grateful for people who hold a door open, offer me a seat etc. without bothering whether it's because I'm female or (as I now am) oldish.

Just in the last year there have been a few instances in which schoolkids have offered me seats on public transport, which I accept gracefully to acknowledge their kindness, but which is utterly mystifying because I am not old and I don't look old - I DON"T, I DON"T, I TELL YOU!

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
During the time I lived in Los Angeles I rode the buses regularly. There was one particular woman I would always see on one of the routes I took. She always would say "Thank you, Driver" when getting off the bus.

If she says "Thank you, Drive" (without the 'r') she was probably from South Wales!

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