Ship of Fools: The second coming?

Thread: The second coming? Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

A Ghanian bishop claims to be able to make men’s penises larger by massaging their groins with his hands.

Does it work, and if so on a more than temporary basis? Discuss.

Article here.

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :

Not a 'bishop' in any of the mainstream churches, it appears, but what an utter fruitcake.

Once again, 'Christianity' is brought into more disrepute.

Mind you, it's a possible mode of employment for The Barking Dog, when the time (O Lord! May it be soon!) comes for him to step down....

IJ

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Bishops Finger:
Mind you, it's a possible mode of employment for The Barking Dog, when the time (O Lord! May it be soon!) comes for him to step down....

NO! Nonononono. Orange one seems to already believe he's granted special privileges regarding putting his tiny hands where they don't belong.

BTW balaam, my ick factor is red lining!!

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :

Sorry, jj - I must have thought this thread was in Hell, which is where the idea I proposed above truly belongs.

[Two face]

Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :

We need to start that long and doubtless full topic in Hell dedicated to things that Christians have done to put the faith into disrepute.

Posted by sabine (# 3861) on :

quote:
Originally posted by balaam:

A Ghanian bishop claims to be able to make men’s penises larger by massaging their groins with his hands.

Does it work, and if so on a more than temporary basis? Discuss.

Article here.

There's a word on the street for that sort of thing.

sabine

Posted by SvitlanaV2 (# 16967) on :

Well, I imagine there are all sorts of spiritual practices and beliefs in Ghana, and I doubt that this pastor's particular carry-on has had the power to bring all of them into disrepute. Would Ghanaian Anglicans or Methodists actually care?

If Western Christianity can be undermined by any strange practice conducted by any religious group anywhere then that's rather unfortunate, to say the least.

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

quote:
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me,"

At least this is scriptural.

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :

I suspect Ghanaian Anglicans, Methodists, and doubtless others, might care a bit, if the 'bishop's' activities led to the loss of any of their own members (no pun intended).

IJ

Posted by SvitlanaV2 (# 16967) on :

You mean sheep stealing? If I may mix my metaphors, I should think that ship has sailed in West Africa. There have been exciting alternatives to Anglicanism and Methodism there for a long time.

OTOH, this pastor's particular 'ministry' might attract visitors from elsewhere, if they feel themselves to be in need of an extra special blessing.

Ecumenism can be a wonderful thing....

[Biased]

[ 17. October 2017, 20:12: Message edited by: SvitlanaV2 ]

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :

I did say if, but thank you for correcting me.

IJ

Posted by SvitlanaV2 (# 16967) on :

See it as a different perspective, rather than a 'correction'. I used the conditional tense after all.

The reality of so much Christian diversity must make for a very interesting context, though. Googling suggests that many of the historical churches in Ghana have already 'pentecostalised' themselves to an extent, as a response to the competition from the newer churches.

Some might argue that lively competition is actually healthy for the historical churches. The downside is that you get lots of whackiness in the mix.

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :

Thank you for your advice, and further correction.

IJ

Posted by SvitlanaV2 (# 16967) on :

I didn't think that adding a few extra thoughts counted as a correction, but if you're trying to tell me I'm too bossy or too boring I ought to take the hint!

[Smile]

[ 17. October 2017, 21:28: Message edited by: SvitlanaV2 ]

Posted by wild haggis (# 15555) on :

Nothing to do with denominations, etc.
This "Bishop" just a plain sexual deviant (if you read the article)- in many countries he would be in jail for his practices.

Not everyone who says Lord, Lord etc.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

I have found that my penis gets larger when people massage my groin with their hands. I should think most men do.

Posted by mark_in_manchester (# 15978) on :

Can't say as I remember [Razz]

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

Goodness! Miss Amanda is going to have to fetch her smelling salts if this thread continues in the direction it's turned. (No, she doesn't include amyl nitrite in her arsenal.) [Ultra confused]

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
I have found that my penis gets larger when people massage my groin with their hands. I should think most men do.

The effects are transient. Do I need more faith or do I need the treatment more frequently.

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

One minute he's whipping teenagers to stop them being promiscuous, the next he's trying to enlarge people's gentleman vegetables.

The man's completely Dagenham - two stops on from Barking ... [Big Grin]

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
Goodness! Miss Amanda is going to have to fetch her smelling salts if this thread continues in the direction it's turned. (No, she doesn't include amyl nitrite in her arsenal.)

I haven't noticed any turning.

ETA: Bravo, balaam, on the double entendre in the thread title.

[ 29. October 2017, 01:56: Message edited by: mousethief ]

Posted by Kaplan Corday (# 16119) on :

quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
A Ghanian bishop claims to be able to make men’s penises larger by massaging their groins with his hands.

Seems to be just a logical progression from the
once-popular pentecostal healing ministry of making a leg longer for someone whose problems allegedly resulted from having nether limbs of unequal length.

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

This reminds me of the cartoon of a faith healer (in)appropriately laying hands on a suitably stunning-looking woman praying "Oh lawdy! heal her frigidity - but not just yet".

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

<pedant alert>

quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:/
The man's completely Dagenham - two stops on from Barking ...

On what route is Dagenham two stops from Barking? On the District Line it's three stops from Barking to Dagenham Heathway and four stops to Dagenham East and on the overground it's one stop from Barking to Dagenham Docks.

That's also a very Essex descriptor, Barking is only any stops from Dagenham coming in from Essex, as Dagenham is east of Barking.

(Sorry, have just spent the last five years working in that area, the last two partly based in Barking; that metaphor just made no sense.)
</pedant alert>

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

[sarcasm alert]

Oh all right then - a few stops on from Barking.

Happy now? [Big Grin]

[/sarcasm alert OFF]

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

At this very moment my wife is drinking chocolate out of a mug like this.

Other patterns are available.

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

[Killing me]

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