Ship of Fools: VOTE! Hell Denizen of the Year

Thread: VOTE! Hell Denizen of the Year Board: The Simmies 2009 / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Simon (# 1) on :

Here are the nominations for Hell Denizen of the Year. Please remind yourself of why each person was nominated by reading the post below... and then vote for your choice.

Posted by Simon (# 1) on :

Here are the nominations, in alphabetical order, for Hell Denizen of the Year.

1. DoS

Nominated by Patrick the less saintly: "My justification for this is clearly written out here in Black and White and in all other posts.

I know that this
is encouraging him, but he
clearly deserves it for
his amusing
bigotry and creative
veracity.
Not to
mention
his
ec
cen
tric f
ormating."

2. Gort

Nominated by Doublethink: "See this properly hellish prophecy of doom. For his 204 posts currently in Hell. He is a true denizen, as you know he will always be in the pit, like the house robots on Robotwars - stray into his territory and you'll know about it. He does wit, scathing and bizarre anecdotiness, he's our very own Bender."

3. RooK

Nominated by Chorister: "See this example. 'I'll tell you why; because most of you are tedious lemmings who insist on trying to weigh him down by throwing yourselves into his vapid maw and dogpiling on his tonsils. You're a fucking useleless lot, and I wish you would all spontaneously combust (in a controlled manner, so as to provide useful power generation)' is so much more creative than 'Do not feed the Troll' which is what most posters would have said. RooK is so comfortable in Hell it makes you wonder whether he would be at home anywhere else."

4. Sine Nomine

Nominated by Josephine: "For posts such as this one or, another, from the same thread. While other Denizens choose a rusty farm implement or a sledge hammer or machete to hack and bludgeon trollish and unpleasant shipmates, Sine uses a laser scalpel. He can see the exact spot where the unpleasantness needs to be lanced in order to allow the bloated ego or the festering self-justifications drain and heal.

His posts in Hell are consistent examples of the fine art of disemboweling with courtesy, grace, and apparent humility. My maternal grandmother was a practitioner of the art. I never thought I'd ever meet her like -- but that was before I encountered Sine."

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

A lonely silver figure stares at an empty stage choking back a lump in his throat whilst wiping away a tear...

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :

<... Janine slips a cute little antique oilcan into Gort's sporrrrrran and disappears with a ting-ting-ting of tiny bells back into the darkness of the wings...>

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

Wanders on stage.

Baaaa?

Notices evil-looking robot, sitting alone in empty auditorium, oozing some vile substance and bolts off.

*jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle*

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Janine:
<... Janine slips a cute little antique oilcan into Gort's sporrrrrran and disappears with a ting-ting-ting of tiny bells back into the darkness of the wings...>

ooOOOooh! That feels much better, thanks!

[ 01. February 2009, 17:29: Message edited by: Gort ]

Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :

Flausa dons appropriate sheep-catching attire .

I've got to do something before it leaves droppings all over the stage. It's bad enough there appears to have been someone here already with a leaf blower.

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :

Doublethink, changes her attire to fit in with the ambience at this stage.

[ 01. February 2009, 18:22: Message edited by: Doublethink ]

Posted by Angus McDangley (# 11091) on :

Am I the only one attending this ceremony to look at Angelina?

Posted by Qlib (# 43) on :

This sheep - it wouldn't by any chance be a sock-muppet, would it? [Paranoid]

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink:
Doublethink, changes her attire to fit in with the ambience at this stage.

mmMMmm...black leather. You're not a member of that private board, are you?

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Angus McDangley:
Am I the only one attending this ceremony to look at Angelina?

nope, me too.

Posted by Qlib (# 43) on :

[Snore]

[under the table]

Posted by Simon (# 1) on :

*The house lights dim one final time and the glittering stage lights come up for tonight's final award...*

It's Hell Denizen of the Year!

Posted by Erin (# 2) on :

Ladies and gentlemen, I am so honored to be here to present the real prize of the night, the highly coveted and totally awesome Hell Denizen of the Year award. Not that pussy little Shipmate of the Year award that nobody wanted anyway, especially not me, you ungrateful bastards...

*sniff*

Anyway. Hell is, as one or two of you might have surmised, near and dear to my cold black heart. So it is with great pleasure that I present this award, knowing that the Twin Spirits of Bitchiness and Assholishness continue to thrive to this very day.

*opens envelope*

This is so exciting!

*removes card from envelope; stares for a full thirty seconds*

Well.

*more incredulous staring, then a look of fury at the audience*

What the hell, man? Is this for real?

*tears up card and throws it in the air*

Aren't all y'all just a bunch of ass-kissing little sycophants. Suck up to the new admin, but no love on the shipmate vote for the editor who put him there? You suck. You over there, you suck too. And you hiding behind the column, like that's going to save you, you suck even worse. I'll be banning the shit out of whomever I don't actually kill.

*screams in fury, morphs into her real self, launches into the crowd*

Posted by Simon (# 1) on :

*The Simmies theme music swells and then abruptly ceases*[/i]

Ah... we have a... er... technical hitch...

*Sounds of screaming from the auditorium's cheaper seats*

Can someone control that Gator?

*Chomping noises are heard*

Security, there seems to be an enraged Gator chomping its way through the nominees for Shipmate of the Year... Yes, yes... some kind of grudge, apparently. Is Zoo Control here yet? Can you... can you... GET THEM HERE!

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

[Yipee]

I loves me my WooKie!

*runs away from Stage Diving Harpie*

Posted by Qlib (# 43) on :

[wakes and peeps out cautiously] ...Rook?

Posted by Simon (# 1) on :

And... ok.

Wipes brow

The tranquilliser darts have brought her down. Security has now surrounded her... and... and... she's being carried out of the auditorium in a *disturbingly* happy mood.

Wearing a lovely damask-coloured, diamond-studded straitjacket... as they whisk her out of the building and off to the loony bin.

Posted by Simon (# 1) on :

Which leaves me, ladies and gentlemen, shipmates one and all, to announce the winner of our final award of the night, Hell Denizen of the Year. Out of all the sound and fury of the past 12 months, emerging from th'infernal smoke, are just four nominations... DoS, Gort, RooK and Sine Nomine. Which one is worthy? Which one has the sulphurous qualities needed to reign over Hell?

Well... I have here a golden envelope...

*Rip!*

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Simon:
... as they whisk her out of the building and off to the loony bin.

dont get comfortable, she barely had time for a snack.

Posted by Simon (# 1) on :

Please go wild as the Simmy goes to...

RooK!

Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :

Flausa goes wild!

Posted by eeGAD (# 4675) on :

raising her last glass of champagne, "Congrats RooK!"

. . . and finally passes out for good . . .

Posted by Qlib (# 43) on :

Yaaaaayyyyyyyy!

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

Congratulations RooK! A more worthy winner cannot be imagined [Big Grin]

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

KooR!

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :

Yay RooK!

I voted for you... I think. The sulfur fumes were a little thick ...

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

**sobs bitterly into his tin-kerchief**

Congratulations, Rook! <sniff>

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :

You still got that oil?

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

Yes...yes, it's here somewhere...< dribble-sniff>...

Posted by Qlib (# 43) on :

You'll hate yourself tomorrow morning, J.

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

**squirts oil on his rusting ego**

I will treasure the nomination forever! <sniff> Thank you!

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

Well done, RooK. Now for the acceptance speech.

Posted by Qlib (# 43) on :

Excellent!

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

So, how do you feel now you simpering sycophants? Your Golden Boy, RooK, can't even be bothered to recognize your groveling admiration. He HATES the lot of you. His bile overfloweth upon your supplications. In his heart, you are lower than the krill withwhich you breed - and still you whimper for his attention and wander in the wasteland.

I brought you the common man - the Hell Denizen from your midst, who labors and goes unrecognized except for the chosen few - those exalted 19 who refused to sacrifice their self-respect in the name of political sycophancy and voted their hearts. I thank you all - my chocolate runneth over (PM me).

And so, the greatest injustice in SoF history has been realized. No, no - I harbor no animosity. I journey on towards a future when all will recognize my humble efforts to bring you forth into the Hellish promised land.

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :

If we're gonna wander thru the desert following you, you'd better bring more oil.

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

(Saunters onto the stage, stepping over the drying gore, and addresses the emptied hall:)

I cheated.

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :

lying bitch.

Posted by dj_ordinaire (# 4643) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
(Saunters onto the stage, stepping over the drying gore, and addresses the emptied hall:)

I cheated.

If you hadn't, you wouldn't have been eligible! [Razz]

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :

he won fair and square and needs to make a speech.

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 66) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
I cheated.

Copycat.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

Yes, if anyone knows about cheating, it's Sine.

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 66) on :

You said you'd forgiven me and moved on.

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