Ship of Fools: VOTE! Lamest Hell Thread

Thread: VOTE! Lamest Hell Thread Board: The Simmies 2009 / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Simon (# 1) on :

Here are the nominations for Lamest Hell Thread. Please remind yourself of why each thread was nominated by reading the post below... and then vote for your choice.

Posted by Simon (# 1) on :

Here are the nominations, in alphabetical order, for Lamest Hell Thread.

1. Being able to count is not part of the job description

Thread URL: Being able to count is not part of the job description

Nominated by Doublethink: "Pointless rant about obscure ITV programme, lacks any aspect of hellishness - no venom, no real outrage, no wit, no interesting interactions between participants."

2. Death to mice that eat tents...

Thread URL: Death to mice that eat tents...

Special mentions: Nat, for not thinking.

Nominated by Nightlamp: "It deserves to be nominated due to being very short and having no real point."

3. But I thought this was a Christian bookshop!

Thread URL: But I thought this was a Christian bookshop!

Special mentions: Persephone Hazard for a blank OP, Zwingli for a thread-killing witty retort.

Nominated by frin: "The much remarked upon saga of the St Stephen the Great bookshops may have deserved a Hell thread. This wasn't it. It essentially allowed the peanut gallery a new thread for two days of substandard play, rather than illuminating or even decrying the demise of liberal Christian bookselling in the UK."

4. If you aren't guilty, why call your lawyer?

Thread URL: If you aren't guilty, why call your lawyer?

Special mentions: SpikeyPants/Paddy O'Furniture for the OP, DmplnJeff for bizarre paranoia.

Nominated by The Great Gumby: "What's isn't lame about it? As if it wasn't enough to complain about someone seeking legal representation and assume that man's guilt because he had the sense to exercise his legal rights, the two-part OP was a case study in crappy lameness, as observed by jlg.

And then, to round things off, we get a splendid demonstration of how not to backtrack from a lame OP in Hell, with increasingly pathetic cringing and apologies for just about everything under the sun. The thread was so obviously lame that no one could even raise the energy to redeem its lameness by giving the OPer a thorough flaming, and even the banter from the peanut gallery couldn't raise a moment of shining wit to sparkle in the dungheap of the thread."

5. Is the Jewish religion on a pedestal?

Thread URL: Is the Jewish religion on a pedestal?

Nominated by Yereven

6. Mousethief

Thread URL: Mousethief

Special mentions: DmplnJeff.

Nominated by Zach82: "Probably the most unjustified Hell call I've seen in a dog's age. DmplnJeff should have been called to Hell himself, but he got down there to tell his story first, I guess."

7. Some folks never learn

Thread URL: Some folks never learn

Special mentions: DmplnJeff. Hardly anyone else got a look-in.

Nominated by Marvin the Martian: "A babbling, virtually nonsense OP. Most of the discussion was about the OPers signature. RooK's closing comment sums it up nicely: 'You think this kind of vacuous babbling is suitable basis for a Hell thread? It's not. It's bad enough that it's what most threads devolve into, but actually start off with limp confusion masquerading Hellishness is not sufficient. Closing this thread is doing all of us a favour.'"

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

I blame myself.

I've only just been conned into *ahem* gratefully accepted the invitation to Host Hell again, and now they want me to present some poxy award for lameness? I ask ya...

Eh?

What do you mean "we're live coast-to-coast"?

[Eek!]

.

Hello! And it's a great pleasure for me to be here on this auspicious occasion - The First Annual Simmies Award Show!

*pauses for applause*

Lameness is a difficult quality to define. One definition is "Weak and ineffectual; unsatisfactory", and I'm sure we can all agree that in that sense the nominees for this prestigious award have all, in their own way, pushed back the boundaries of lameness further and with less style than we mere pretenders could ever hope to achieve.

Rosamundi, you look incredible. Are you as excited about presenting this award as I am?

Posted by rosamundi (# 2495) on :

Why, Marvin, thank you.

I can't tell you how thrilled I am to be here, presenting this prestigious award.

The nominees are all, in their own way, experts in their field, and have done sterling work acting as shining examples, or at the very least, horrible warnings, to other Shipmates.

And so, without further ado...

[picks up letter opener, and stands, gracefully poised].

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

The audience is on tenterhooks!

Which thread shall be crowned lamest of all?

The winner is.............

*taps out a killer drumroll on the podium*

Posted by rosamundi (# 2495) on :

[Slides letter opener under the flap of the glittering golden envelope and slices it open]

And the award for Lamest Hell Thread goes to

[drumroll intensifies]

If you aren't guilty, why call your lawyer?

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :

(Janine hears the Lamest Hell Thread winner announced and wonders if it says something about her own monumental lame-ish abilities, that she was one of the Shipmates who had picked and voted for that thread as Thah Winnah...)

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :

Doublethink is a little ambivalent, she obviously voted for the thread she nominated, but she graciously flashes a smile at the winner for a nanosecond.

[ 01. February 2009, 18:05: Message edited by: Doublethink ]

Posted by Angus McDangley (# 11091) on :

Its not a smile you're in danger of flashing DT!

Posted by The Great Gumby (# 10989) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Janine:
(Janine hears the Lamest Hell Thread winner announced and wonders if it says something about her own monumental lame-ish abilities, that she was one of the Shipmates who had picked and voted for that thread as Thah Winnah...)

Those who stand on the sidelines and watch often understand the game much better than the players, Janine. Or so we must tell ourselves... [Big Grin]

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