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Source: (consider it) Thread: Heaven: A Christian Girl's Modesty
Cosmo
Shipmate
# 117

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How splendid! Do you still have her phone number/pictures/address (for reference purposes only of course)?

I hope that she was the Mistress of Ceremonies. It would add a note of professionalism to her religious duties.

Cosmo


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Amos

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# 44

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Wow! Ultra! You never told us Madonna went to your church! One of the many RCs to have gone the Canterbury route.

Thanks, by the way, Cosmo--I shan't hear the word "swimsuit" again without thinking "Eurotrash". Does a sash, draped deacon-style across the chest go with the high heels?

--------------------
At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken


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Cosmo
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# 117

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Only if you have the sash emblazoned with 'Miss Staggers 2001'. Otherwise the high heels (which should be black but can, on occasion, be white) and the swimsuit should only be paired with the entire make-up counter of Selfridges and the jewellery counter of Harrods (after all, only Eurotrash still shop at Harrods).

Cosmo


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Ultraspike

Incensemeister
# 268

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quote:
Originally posted by Cosmo:
How splendid! Do you still have her phone number/pictures/address (for reference purposes only of course)?

I hope that she was the Mistress of Ceremonies. It would add a note of professionalism to her religious duties.

Cosmo


I may have one somewhere and she would certainly love to meet you. She specializes in dog collars. She was indeed an MC and I must admit the sacristy wasn't big enough for both of us. I left for a couple of years and then came back after she left. She's now pursuing her dream of becoming a priest(ess) at another church.

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A cowgirl's work is never done.


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Cosmo
Shipmate
# 117

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Wonderful! A Mistress in the sanctuary and a Mistress at work. Only in New York or London could such a figure exist (although I suppose Brighton might find a few male equivalents). I could do with her in my sanctuary at the moment. Some of the servers are getting a bit lax and some strictness wouldn't go amiss.

Amos - in re your query to my beach attire. A clergyman is never seen bathing for fear that he might be conducting something as vulgar as a 'beach mission'. He sticks, of course, to a bathing machine.

Cosmo


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Laura
General nuisance
# 10

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Pull yourself together, Septimus. I only wear that outfit for my husband (good man) who deserves all the Laura Ashley his heart desires.

quote:
if you can imagine this combination, certainly livened up the nave.

I'll bet it did.

I was, in my college days, a habitual wearer of the "Annie Hall" (from the movie of that name) style -- men's tweed jackets, shirts, and occasionally, ties, with long skirts or khaki-type trousers. It worked for me...

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Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. - Erich Fromm


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Laura
General nuisance
# 10

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quote:
Otherwise the high heels (which should be black but can, on occasion, be white)

Depending on whether it is past Labor Day or before? (What are the cut-off dates in England for white shoes/black shoes?)

--------------------
Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. - Erich Fromm


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tomb
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# 174

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I noticed on another thread that Erin got the white-shoe cut-off date (Labor Day) correct.

I immediately wondered what her beginning date was. No Yankee woman would be caught dead in white shoes before Memorial Day, though a southern female friend tells me that they are suitable anytime after Easter.

noi'mnotreallythatintrestedinwomen'sshoestomb


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Cosmo
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# 117

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Black high heels should be worn at all times except when on the Essex coast. Such internationally stylish resorts as Clacton-on-Sea, Southend-on-Sea or Frinton are the haunts of many a whilte stiletto wearing Euro-Babe. Care should be taken that on no account may the feet and legs of the white stiletto clad young woman be covered with either tights, stockings or, indeed, a tan. Bruises, blemishes and cellulite are an integral part of the 'Leigh-on-Sea look'.

Only black high heels may be seen in the sanctuary. Sometimes the priest will even let the servers wear them as well.

Cosmo


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Siegfried
Ship's ferret
# 29

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quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
I noticed on another thread that Erin got the white-shoe cut-off date (Labor Day) correct.

I immediately wondered what her beginning date was. No Yankee woman would be caught dead in white shoes before Memorial Day, though a southern female friend tells me that they are suitable anytime after Easter.

noi'mnotreallythatintrestedinwomen'sshoestomb


I'd always understood it to be Easter--I vaguely recall my grandmother mentioning it once.

--------------------
Siegfried
Life is just a bowl of cherries!


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Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

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quote:
Originally posted by Astro:
I wonder if the Adamites still have any churches left?

They croped up during the Commonwealth period (post-civil war) and believe that you should worship dressed as Adam and Eve were before the fall. I think that they were supressed after the restoration (or maybe died of cold), however perhaps in some obscure Welsh valley they still meet?


There is what is supposed to be a true story about the poet Blake and his wife.

Someone went to visit them one day. No one answered the door, but he could hear someone in the back yard, so he went there.

He found Blake and his wife completely nude. Embarrassed, the visitor started to withdraw apologetically. Blake said, "Oh that's all right. There's no one here but Adam and Eve."

Moo

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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.


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Amos

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# 44

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Yes, Moo, and the vicar who objected to Jerusalem at a wedding, brought in that detail to demonstrate the questionable morality of Mr. Blake!

I trust, Cosmo, that you can find a sturdy bathing-machine at Clacton-on-Sea, within which you can take healthy recreation while viewing the bruised and pock-marked gams winkle-picking their way along the beach to the chippie.

--------------------
At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken


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Septimus
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# 500

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quote:
Originally posted by Laura:
Pull yourself together, Septimus. I only wear that outfit for my husband (good man) who deserves all the Laura Ashley his heart desires.

having taken your sound advice and feeling suitably calmed and relaxed as a result, you have nothing further to fear from my imagination, I assure you madam.

I think, though that something should be said regarding that wonderfully magical type of skirt that is only short when a girl is sitting down.... rather deadly when combined with the briefest glimpse of stocking.... damn and blast there goes my equilibrium....

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"The man of 'perfect manners' is he who is calmly courteous in all circumstances, as attentive outwardly to the plain and the elderly as he is to the young and the pretty."

Mrs. Humphrey, Manners for Men


Posts: 442 | From: England's Garden Gnome | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Hooker's Trick

Admin Emeritus and Guardian of the Gin
# 89

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I believe Ronnie Knox used to bathe regularly in the private swimming pools of his titled patrons, so perhaps all is not lost for Fr Cosmo (tho the thought of Cosmo at Clacton is very intruiging. It sounds like a musical comedy of a certain vintage, does it not:

Cosmo at Clacton).

Of course, you could make it sound like quite another thing altogether by calling it

Cosmo does Clacton.

HT

Now where the hell did that modest Christian girl get to?


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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34

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quote:
Originally posted by Hooker's Trick:
Now where the hell did that modest Christian girl get to?

Quite frankly, she never existed!

bb


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Septimus
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# 500

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quote:
Originally posted by Hooker's Trick:
I believe Ronnie Knox used to bathe regularly in the private swimming pools of his titled patrons, so perhaps all is not lost for Fr Cosmo (tho the thought of Cosmo at Clacton is very intruiging. It sounds like a musical comedy of a certain vintage, does it not:

Cosmo at Clacton).

Of course, you could make it sound like quite another thing altogether by calling it

Cosmo does Clacton.

HT

Now where the hell did that modest Christian girl get to?


"Cosmo does clacton" caused uproar when it first appeared on a mutoscope at Clacton pier... the Times of the day desrcibed it as "a particularly vile and degfrading penny-in-a-slot whose removal could only serve the public good"

Septimus is drinking: Jacksons of Picadilly

--------------------
"The man of 'perfect manners' is he who is calmly courteous in all circumstances, as attentive outwardly to the plain and the elderly as he is to the young and the pretty."

Mrs. Humphrey, Manners for Men


Posts: 442 | From: England's Garden Gnome | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Cosmo
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# 117

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I think that Cosmo will be able to resist the delights of the good maidens of Clacton and will restrict his custody of the eyes to Ultraspike's Mistress. I have no desire to become the modern-day version of the Rector of Stiffkey (not enjoying the company of lionesses - except, of course, Cosima in a bad mood) nor be the star of a praxinoscopic 'penny dreadful' onanistic spectacle.

I hope that Septimus has recovered slightly from his relapse. I suggest he puts his attention towards recalling those happy but seemingly so far-off university days where 'Annie Hall' dressalikes were the stuff of legend let alone the Laura Ashley clad nymphette. They all seem to be in black nowadays anyway. Perhaps they just want to be in control.

Cosmo is drinking: Tropicana orange juice mixed with Jacobs Creek Sparkling Chardonnay with a dollop of Cointreau in it. A good bracer to start the day.

Cosmo


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Ariel
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# 58

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I still have a rather nice Laura Ashley dress (navy with small white flowers) which buttons all the way up the front, from hem to neck. I used to wear this to formal dinners, and the buttons used to intrigue male companions (poor sad creatures).

However, as nobody has invited me to formal dinners for some years, I have not had a chance to wear this for a while.

I feel I should say it is not at all the kind of thing I normally wear.


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Tina
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# 63

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I'm still puzzling over Cosmo's remark that tights or stockings are never worn with white stilettos. Surely the look lends itself to gorgeous and realistic 'natural tan' hosiery? Of course, there's always ankle socks...

--------------------
Kindness is mandatory. Anger is necessary. Despair is a terrible idea. Despair is how they win. They won't win forever.

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Cosmo
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# 117

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I think that ankle bracelets are more likely than ankle socks. 'Tan' hosiery is occasionally seen on the legs of a 'Chigwell Corker' but, as I said before, the look is best enhanced by as many bruises, blemishes and cellulite patterns as possible. In this way there is a fine distinction between the brilliant white of the stiletto and the lividness of the leg marks.

That being said the 'Billericay Brunette' may, in order to show the 'Harlow Harlot' who has the most cash and thus classiness, may eschew the white stiletto for the black. This would be worn with, mirabile dictu, black tights (tho' usually stockings), a skirt just above the knees and a Krystal Carrington-style jacket with shoulder pads jutting out some six inches. Hair, of course, is big. This is the usual outfit of the 'Billericay Brunette' as she ventures out of a Friday Evening to the 'Rumours Niteclub and Entertainment Center' in Epping.

Cosmo


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Ariel
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# 58

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Cosmo has clearly made a detailed study of the wildlife of the area. I look forward to his forthcoming book on Birdspotting in Essex.
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Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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thank goodness we have not been forced into ecumenical unity with the christian naturists organisation (see fruitcake archive): otherwise we would all have to go around 'clothed only in righteousness' - fellas as well as girls. Mostly not a pretty sight!

--------------------
Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

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Alaric the Goth
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# 511

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quote:
good maidens of Clacton

Maidens plural? ????


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Amos

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# 44

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The Wise Virgins of Billericay wear hold-ups; the Foolish Virgins tend towards stockings and suspender-belt.

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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

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tomb
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# 174

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Something tells me this thread is going to grow to rival "Gin" someday.

BeckyT come back! Tell us what you're wearing today!

tomb


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Ultraspike

Incensemeister
# 268

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Did anyone ever really see anything in shiny black patten leather shoes or was that just wishful thinking?

--------------------
A cowgirl's work is never done.

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CharlottePlatz
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# 695

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I'm worried in case Becky T DOES come back....her spelling just about drove me insane....

[Similar to yours, Charlotte? Fixed typo]

[ 27 September 2001: Message edited by: tomb ]


Posts: 346 | From: NW London | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ultraspike

Incensemeister
# 268

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I can't figure out how to create a link, but try this for some instructional examples: Frahm Art

[Added link title]

[ 27 September 2001: Message edited by: tomb ]

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A cowgirl's work is never done.


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Astro
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# 84

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quote:
Did anyone ever really see anything in shiny black patten leather shoes or was that just wishful thinking?

Well reflections of a girl's underware for one. Or is it only the Headmistresses of a certain type of posh school that baned shiney black patten leather shoes who can see knickers relected in them.

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if you look around the world today – whether you're an atheist or a believer – and think that the greatest problem facing us is other people's theologies, you are yourself part of the problem. - Andrew Brown (The Guardian)


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MadKaren
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# 1033

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am I unusual in wearing jeans and DM's when on the beach in Clacton??

MadKaren

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--
Why do people who claim to love God embarrass him in public?


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Nicolemr
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# 28

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ok, look, this is getting out of hand. i want, and i think seigfried will join me in this, to hear more about some nice hunky modest christian boys.

do any of 'em wear suits and ties to church any more? nicely fitted to a nicely shapped body?

there was a young man in my church who was going to the merchant marine acadamey, and wore his dress uniform every week. but he graduated in june and isn't around any more.

--------------------
On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!


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Septimus
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# 500

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quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
Something tells me this thread is going to grow to rival "Gin" someday.

BeckyT come back! Tell us what you're wearing today!

tomb


The scene: a long sloping beach; in the foreground a group of christian girls crouch solefully (but modestly), a mixture of ra-ra skirts and laura ashley dresses with a smattering of ill-advised swimsuit/high heel combos.. over the nearest dune shambles a perkily striped bathing machine, from within comes the voice of a man confident in his finery.

Cosmo (for it is he): Who is Becky T?

A girl stands up (wearing a ra-ra and one too many petticoats): I'm Becky T!!

There is a pause. Cosmo looks momemtarily elated. Then. Further along the group another girl stands (wearing a slightly longer ra-ra): I'm Becky T!!

etc etc etc

Septimus is drinking: Bombay S.,L. & T.

--------------------
"The man of 'perfect manners' is he who is calmly courteous in all circumstances, as attentive outwardly to the plain and the elderly as he is to the young and the pretty."

Mrs. Humphrey, Manners for Men


Posts: 442 | From: England's Garden Gnome | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Amos

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# 44

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I've seen some beautifully turned-out Modest Christian Boys in my time, with shoes polished to a fare-thee-well, but they were all looking for Foolish Virgins.

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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34

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Well, I can let you all into a lovely secret. Our very own Starbelly is the very model of a lovely, modest Christian young man. He even polishes his DMs. And he is definitely not looking for foolish young virgins..... just imagine what Mrs Starbelly would say!

bb


Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Hooker's Trick

Admin Emeritus and Guardian of the Gin
# 89

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But does starbelly wear suits nicely-fitted to his nicely-shaped body? This seems to be the key to nicole's interest.

Cosmo -- I am growing suspicious at the conversational familiarity you seem to possess with Essex after dark. Perhaps it was missionary activity. I will not speculate as to what sort of missionary activities Fr Cosmo participated in in Essex.

Oh, and you should never drink sparkling Chardonnay -- even with orange juice in it.

HT -- who is not drinking because he is at work (if only they let me DRINK here), but certainly will. The temperature is growing fresher so it's tanquerray martini time.


Posts: 6735 | From: Gin Lane | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Cosmo
Shipmate
# 117

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You don't seriously think that I should be polluting some decent fizz with orange juice do you, even at 9 o'clock in the morning, and when I am on my own? Sparkling chardonnay is indeed the devil's fizz but with a lump of cointreau and some OJ it slips down quite well.

Essex is one of those wonderful counties (Yorkshire and Somerset also come to mind) where only the most flimsy of dealings enables one to speak with complete conviction. My missionary (and other) activities are confined solely to the limits of Routemaster bus timetables.

Cosmo


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John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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Septimus, my dear. Your fantasies are far to femmy for my liking. Can't you just, you know, squeeze in a wee bit of butch? I'll take teenage chinese boys dressed in leather if I have to. Is it too much to ask for some girlies snappily dressed in a suit or 2, boots or even a bit of denim? Oh my. Must fly. Off to be a fawning puppy over lunch with such a one dressed in a clerical shirt and collar.

Cosmo the Rootmaster is it?


Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Siegfried
Ship's ferret
# 29

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quote:
Originally posted by Ultraspike:
I can't figure out how to create a link, but try this for some instructional examples: Frahm Art

Just to explain, since I don't see how we got from where we were to this, Art Frahm was a well-known commercial artist in the Forties and Fifties. He also had an interesting fetish--he had a thing for drawing women whose panties had just fallen down. Usually while holding a bag of groceries. With a bunch of celery showing. You have to go to the site to believe this.

--------------------
Siegfried
Life is just a bowl of cherries!


Posts: 5592 | From: Tallahassee, FL USA | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34

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quote:
Originally posted by The Coot, Sacred and Profane:
Is it too much to ask for some girlies snappily dressed in a suit or 2, boots or even a bit of denim?

Erm, why would any girly want to be dressed in two suits? Am I missing something kinky here?

bb


Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Septimus
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# 500

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quote:
Originally posted by The Coot, Sacred and Profane:
Septimus, my dear. Your fantasies are far to femmy for my liking. Can't you just, you know, squeeze in a wee bit of butch? I'll take teenage chinese boys dressed in leather if I have to. Is it too much to ask for some girlies snappily dressed in a suit or 2, boots or even a bit of denim? Oh my. Must fly. Off to be a fawning puppy over lunch with such a one dressed in a clerical shirt and collar.

Cosmo the Rootmaster is it?


My dear old bird... femme is the new butch, didn't you know? more to the point, since when have be-leathered chinese teens been butch?

As far as my fantasies go, I am sorry to admit that they are tiresomely traditional, rarely deserving the phreudian prefix... the thing is when one has led such a debauched and fulfilled youth as as I have, ones fantasies become a place of restful ease rather than rabelasian excitement...

Septimus is drinking: Rose's Lime C.

--------------------
"The man of 'perfect manners' is he who is calmly courteous in all circumstances, as attentive outwardly to the plain and the elderly as he is to the young and the pretty."

Mrs. Humphrey, Manners for Men


Posts: 442 | From: England's Garden Gnome | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
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# 58

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Can we get back to discussing immodest Christian boys now? I don't feel they have had enough exposure.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
tomb
Shipmate
# 174

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quote:
Originally posted by Septimus:

... the thing is when one has led such a debauched and fulfilled youth as as I have, ones fantasies become a place of restful ease rather than rabelasian excitement...



Sir, you have my deepest sympathies.

tomb

[ 28 September 2001: Message edited by: tomb ]


Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
jlg

What is this place?
Why am I here?
# 98

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quote:
Originally posted by Angel of the North:
OK. What about men who wear excessively tight trousers, especially with their belly hanging over the waistband, and hair sprouting out of their navel for the world to see.

Can we do anything about these? If man is made made in God's image, then I'm seriously worried.


I know I'm a bit late responding to this, but I can't believe no one mentioned that classic "low-slung blue-jeans falling off the fat behind of a guy bending over and displaying a large measure of butt-crack". Perhaps this is only an American male trait?
One sees it everywhere, construction workers, guys working on cars in driveways, guys doing yardwork, sometimes even on guys just walking around.
And I never realized it before, but never in my life have I seen this happen on a guy with a NICE ass!

The memories are making me faint; I had better lie down. And there's no gin in the house!


Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Spike

Mostly Harmless
# 36

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jlg

Not it's not unique to America. OVer here it's often referred to as "builsers cleavage"

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"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing


Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Amos

Shipmate
# 44

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Modest Christian boys do not display "builders' cleavage". Even the most jaded of Christian girls avert their eyes from it.
Return, Cosmo, and give us a rundown of the London guys and dolls.

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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Cosmo
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# 117

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It all depends on area, on occupation, time of day/week, so many things. Where would you like me to start? I wouldn't wish to make rash generalizations.

Cosmo


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Septimus
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# 500

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Cosmo (or should I say Juanita? I suppose it depends who is in) perhaps you could allo me to kick off for you with the Clapham Chatterers, or rather their male cousins the Battersea Brayers.

Resplendent in bringht red courdroy from Gieves, these perfectly scuplted (chins aside) specimins of christian manhood are easily identified by their booming (some would say barking) calls to each other outside the church and their quite stunningly prayerful silence once within.

They can also be asily discerned, if unattached (a rare state of affairs), by a small group of slyly circling Chatterers who, able to detect one part Aston Martin in 4 million parts air, are constantly vigilant for a suitable investor.... ahem....partner.

Septimus is drinking: black, black coffee

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"The man of 'perfect manners' is he who is calmly courteous in all circumstances, as attentive outwardly to the plain and the elderly as he is to the young and the pretty."

Mrs. Humphrey, Manners for Men


Posts: 442 | From: England's Garden Gnome | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Amos

Shipmate
# 44

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I was about to suggest that Cosmo begin at the beginning, continue until he's breathless, and then pause. Perhaps you might start with the bits you know best. I live in hope that this is not Bushey. And if any other London twitchers were prepared to join in...well, we might get somewhere.

We might, for instance, get jen's evocation of the New Hampshire Butt Crack, goosepimpled with the cold, out of our minds' eyes. To be fair, and to avoid getting into the NH/VT dispute, I understand that the said cleavage is even more dismaying in the Northeast Kingdom.

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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken


Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Edward Green
Review Editor
# 46

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I met a very nice young man the other night, who asked what I did. "Parish Pastoral Assistant" I replied. "Oh," he said "Your not one of those types are you?", "no I replied, more bells and smells .." His frown broadened to smile, maybe even with a wink "Really, I'm rather fond of all that myself" ... Then (alas) his boyfriend came back from the bar (a good friend of mine - the boyfriend, not the bar, well okay both) and gave me that scowl, you know the: "keep your married bi-curious, thurible swinging hands off my man" scowl.

The nice young man was wearing tightish jeans, smart shoes and a nice jumper. Next time I see him I will talk to him further about the ordained ministry.

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blog//twitter//
linkedin


Posts: 4893 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
tomb
Shipmate
# 174

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quote:
by sacredthree
... "keep your married bi-curious, thurible swinging hands off my man" scowl ...

A statement worthy of the "famous Ship of Fools posts" archive.


Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged



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