homepage
  roll on christmas  
click here to find out more about ship of fools click here to sign up for the ship of fools newsletter click here to support ship of fools
community the mystery worshipper gadgets for god caption competition foolishness features ship stuff
discussion boards live chat cafe avatars frequently-asked questions the ten commandments gallery private boards register for the boards
 
Ship of Fools


Post new thread  Post a reply
My profile login | | Directory | Search | FAQs | Board home
   - Printer-friendly view Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
» Ship of Fools   » Ship's Locker   » Limbo   » Hell: Crappy Choruses and Horrible Hymns (Page 1)

 - Email this page to a friend or enemy.  
Pages in this thread: 1  2  3  4  ...  11  12  13 
 
Source: (consider it) Thread: Hell: Crappy Choruses and Horrible Hymns
Alaric the Goth
Shipmate
# 511

 - Posted      Profile for Alaric the Goth     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I don't know if anyone has specifically set up a discussion on this theme. I apologise if this is so. But have you come across any REALLY DIRE worship songs? Some of you (notably Karl T.!) will be spoilt for choice.

The worst I happened upon recently was 'We believe in Hebrews Chapter 8'. (thankfully I didn't have to sing it - my church has its 'bad chorus days' but has not stooped so low as that - so I don't know if the tune is as bad as the words. AND I DON'T WANT TO FIND OUT).

I say that my church hasn't stooped so low. I just remembered it has. We have sung the 'Wicked' chorus. On at least one occasion. I try to erase the details of its lyrics from memory so as not to go insane, but its chorus includes the words "Wicked ,wicked, Fab, Fab, Brill, Brill". I cannot remember in exactly what order.

Gibber, gibber. I'm a hawthorn bush. So are we.

[ 10. March 2003, 01:56: Message edited by: Erin ]

Posts: 3322 | From: West Thriding | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
SteveTom
Contributing Editor
# 23

 - Posted      Profile for SteveTom   Author's homepage   Email SteveTom   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Someone I know goe to a church with a theme song, of which I can thankfully only remember the chorus:

I am a sheep, baa baa
And I like to be well fed
But like a sheep baa baa
I'm a little stupid in the head

To which the only answer is Yes I think you probably are.

--------------------
I saw a naked picture of me on the internet
Wearing Jesus's new snowshoes.
Well, golly gee.
- Eels


Posts: 1363 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
BarbaraG
Shipmate
# 399

 - Posted      Profile for BarbaraG     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I hate with a vengeance "Bind Us Together Lord". The words are on the twee side, but what really bugs me is the tune.... boring, repetitive, dirge-like (if a tune in a nmajor key can be dirge-like), and too high for comfort for most people.

The verse uses a massive 3 notes, and the chorus expands that to 5!

--------------------
still trying to make sense of the world


Posts: 143 | From: Nottinghamshire | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

 - Posted      Profile for Tubbs   Author's homepage   Email Tubbs   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Pet hates include the following:

Choruses not being put into their context. For example, There’s a Noel “Status Quo” Richards chorus which goes something like “Without their saviour, they’re lost for ever”. It was originally written for an evangelical conference and designed to be played LOUD and encourage the audience into action … On a wet Sunday night reduced to a dirge by the band it sounded more like, “We’re going to heaven and you’re not … Way hey!”

Choruses which make the Lord, creator of the universe, the King of Kings etc sound more like your pocket pal … or, if you’re a woman, your heavenly boyfriend.

Double entrendres … “Jesus take me as I am, I can come no other way” or “Lord you put a tongue in my mouth”. But that could be me being dirty minded again.

Choruses that reduce your Christian journey to being all me, me, me, me … Better stop here as I tend to start ranting about this when I discuss this issue at great length. Then I start heaping abuse on a certain Mr Kendrick.


Tubbs

[ 13 June 2001: Message edited by: tomb ]

--------------------
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am


Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

 - Posted      Profile for Karl: Liberal Backslider   Author's homepage   Email Karl: Liberal Backslider   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Of course it's been done before, but it's one dead horse I'm always ready to flog once more....

The 'yeah, right, earth calling chorus writer - come in chorus writer' Prize goes to this Ishmael classic:

I'm a conqueror, victorious
I'm living in Jesus
I'm seated in heavenly places with Him
And the kingdom of God is within me
I know no defeat only victory
Yes the kingdom of God is within me
I know no defeat only strength and power

The 'if only 'twere so' Prize is up for grabs between these two classic lines:

my heart's one desire/is to be holy

and, of course,

and in His presence/our problems disappear

Further nominations?

--------------------
Might as well ask the bloody cat.


Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Adrian
Electric angel
# 298

 - Posted      Profile for Adrian   Author's homepage   Email Adrian   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I used to despair that my church never caught the "charismatic happy clappy wave yer hands in the air loud drum kit endless repetition bug".
But after listening to my parents records of 'The Dales and Wales weekends' I'm glad we never suffered classic such as


"what a mighty god we serve,
what a mighty god we serve.
what a....."


you get the picture.


Still, since some of us left all that behind and started creating our own (alternative) worship we've had to start writing stuff ourselves if we want to sing. It's hard to not fall into the same trap.


Repetitive mushy shlock to a trance beat is still repetitive mushy shlock.

[edited to restore normal horizontal scroll]

[ 24 August 2001: Message edited by: frin ]

--------------------
www.emergingchurch.info
www.the-scriptorium.org


Posts: 992 | From: sunny scarborough, uk | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

 - Posted      Profile for Tubbs   Author's homepage   Email Tubbs   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Ooohhhh I forgot about "In his presence, our problems disappear ..." What complete bollocks that is. My problems usually sit on the pew in front and give me a friendly wave during this chorus. It's one of the few that I refuse to sing on principle!

Actually, one of the best services I've ever attended is when Rupert the Minister talked about what it's like turning up to church when life isn't great and got the church to contribute their personal experiences. Being honest in church ... Now there's a thing

Tubbs

--------------------
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am


Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Adrian
Electric angel
# 298

 - Posted      Profile for Adrian   Author's homepage   Email Adrian   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
me again. on the sheep theme, this little beauty came from an MAYC london weekend:

I don't want to be a sadducee
I don't want to be a sadducee
cos they're so sad you see
I just want to be a sheep, baa baa baa baa.

They also managed to slag off the rest of the NT Jewish hierarchy too, but thankfully my memory has blotted out those additional verses.

--------------------
www.emergingchurch.info
www.the-scriptorium.org


Posts: 992 | From: sunny scarborough, uk | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

 - Posted      Profile for Gill H     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
On the old boards there was a thread called 'Musical irreverence'. Not sure if it's made the leap to the new boards, but if so you'll find incredible new lyrics for 'bind us together'

'We believe in Hebrews 13:8' is a little kids' song (that's the excuse) and is a yee-hah hoedown style sort of thing.

Here's a parody you may recognise:

"It's pants, and it breaks my heart
It's pants, this old ropey song
It's pants, the tune is boring
And goes on too long (x2)

And I need a pint of something strong
To relieve my nervous twitch
Because of what this song has done to me (x2)"

--------------------
*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose


Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

 - Posted      Profile for Karl: Liberal Backslider   Author's homepage   Email Karl: Liberal Backslider   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Of course, there's always:

Like a mighty dinosaur
Lumbers the church of God
Brothers we are treading
Where no-one sane has trod
We are not divided
Oh no honestly
One in truth and doctrine
Each year at Drumcree

Onward Christian Soldiers
Spoiling for a fight
With the Cross of Jesus
Kept well out of sight

And who can forget this immortal Pentecostal classic?

The church's one foundation
Is speaking in strange tongues
Though oft th'intepretation
Comes straight of folks' bums
But don't you dare to doubt it
For that way hell-fire lies
Where liberals and heathens
Are served up with french fries.


--------------------
Might as well ask the bloody cat.


Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

 - Posted      Profile for Karl: Liberal Backslider   Author's homepage   Email Karl: Liberal Backslider   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
NB - this is getting a bit heavenish isn't it? Let's slag off a few songs!!!

--------------------
Might as well ask the bloody cat.

Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

 - Posted      Profile for Schroedinger's cat   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[Climbs into asbestos lined suit, with full air conditioning and cooling]

quote:
and in His presence/our problems disappear


Then you've never been in His presence properly. That is not to say that the problems don't come back, or that they are suddenly all solvable, but in God's presence, problems do disappear, and He casts a new light on them.

[surreptitiously climbs out of the back of asbestos suit, hoping no-one notices]

"Lord you put a tongue in my mouth" should be removed from all song books. The problem is, you can't explain to people why it is so bad. The fact that it is a trite and naff song should be enough, but isn't always.

There was a song published in a Spring Harvest songbook with a reference to "the guilty sod". I am glad to say that I never had to sing it. I think it was "revised" in later editions.

"Bind us together Lord" was obviously written by and for guitarists who had no skill whatsoever. It should only be played by such. This is probably why it can still be heard in so many churches.

My nomination has to be "Cast your burdens onto Jesus". Aaargh. Probably along with any song requiring actions. Even the children find them embarassing.

--------------------
Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.


Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
BarbaraG
Shipmate
# 399

 - Posted      Profile for BarbaraG     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Karl:
Of course, there's always:

Like a mighty dinosaur
Lumbers the church of God
Brothers we are treading
Where no-one sane has trod
We are not divided
Oh no honestly
One in truth and doctrine
Each year at Drumcree

Onward Christian Soldiers
Spoiling for a fight
With the Cross of Jesus
Kept well out of sight

[/i]



Ooohh I know a different version!


Like a mighty tortoise
Moves the Church of God
Brothers we are treading
Where we've always trod
We are still divided
Many bodies we
Very strong on doctrine
Weak on charity

That's an ouchy one.... a bit too near to the bone

--------------------
still trying to make sense of the world


Posts: 143 | From: Nottinghamshire | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Spike

Mostly Harmless
# 36

 - Posted      Profile for Spike   Email Spike   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
but its chorus includes the words "Wicked ,wicked, Fab, Fab, Brill, Brill". I cannot remember in exactly what order.

Ahem, sorry about this, but that particular chorus goes

Oh it's great great, brill brill, wicked wicked, skill skill/To have a friend like Jesus

We do it at a weekend known as New Beginnings that we take our youth group to and nobody but nobody seems to like it. In fact, most of the kids seem to find it really embarassing. That's why I was surprised to ear them singing it on the bus on the way home to London, until I realised that the'd made up some rude words for it.

--------------------
"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing


Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

 - Posted      Profile for Karl: Liberal Backslider   Author's homepage   Email Karl: Liberal Backslider   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
[Climbs into asbestos lined suit, with full air conditioning and cooling]


quote:

and in His presence/our problems disappear


Then you've never been in His presence properly. That is not to say that the problems don't come back, or that they are suddenly all solvable, but in God's presence, problems do disappear, and He casts a new light on them.


[surreptitiously climbs out of the back of asbestos suit, hoping no-one notices]



I'd stay in that asbestos suit for a moment...


Sorry. That line embodies the worst kind of simplistic, damaging, false, charismatic shit that is sprayed over congregations by song writers who don't have a theological clue.


If our problems disappear, how can God cast any light of any kind over them? It doesn't make sense, unless you have a very different understanding of 'disappear' to me. To me, it means 'go away', 'not be present any more' and so on. This my problems failed to do dismally.


It's psychology. Some people, singing that, are able to push their problems aside. Great for them. Others, me included, just sit there thinking 'what a load of crap! I'm still in a shit job, in debt, and was still turned down by {insert name of desired female} on Friday'


It damaged me, that sort of theology. Because I came to the conclusion that since my problems didn't go away in worship, I was indeed not coming into God's presence. So obviously there was something wrong with me. Or God wasn't real. Fortunately I found a third option - the theology was crap.


If I may be self-indulgent for a moment, I wrote of this period (in the poem The Clown)


quote:
VI.


The clown is feeling creeping madness.
He is numb from the caress of the Lady
And an old song has stirred up painful memories.
He cries to the night and doesn?t care who hears.
Elsewhere, the Ringmaster hears and weeps
But the clown doesn?t know this, although he believes it is true.
So he walks the dark road alone.


VII.


The clown tried mountaineering once.
He remembered from his youth
How the mountains were greater than his fears.
He packed up his troubles
Because he couldn?t leave them behind.
But the weight crushed him and he couldn?t straighten up;
So he didn?t taste the cold, clear air of freedom.


VIII.


The clown has found a note
It fell through his door while he was out in the mountains.
The writing is oddly familiar.
It says ?I know your pain?
The clown doesn?t really know what to make of it,
But somehow it makes him feel better.


IX.


The clown is feeling hope.
The note has had a strange effect on him.
He doesn?t feel guilty about his feelings anymore.
?Even the Ringmaster would feel the same? he says.
Deep inside, he feels the throbbing of his refound heart.
-the Clown, (c) Karl Thornley so don't steal it.



No problems disappeared. I just felt it was OK to have them.

[horizontal scroll fixed]

[ 24 August 2001: Message edited by: frin ]

--------------------
Might as well ask the bloody cat.


Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28

 - Posted      Profile for Nicolemr   Author's homepage   Email Nicolemr   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
oh thanks for starting this alaric, if you dind't i'd have had to.

because i spent ALL DAY yesterday with this AWFUL song that we did in choir stuck in my head, called all in the april evening. basic thing of the song is a guy seeing the shepards driving the sheep up to the summer pastures in the mountains and thinking of jesus going to the crucifixion. but with all sorts of trite and dopey references to "the sheep with their little lambs..." " rest for the little bodies, rest for the little feet" "dewy pastures sweet", and "the lamb of god going meekly to die". UGH. and i couldn't stop humming it!!!!

--------------------
On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!


Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Adrian
Electric angel
# 298

 - Posted      Profile for Adrian   Author's homepage   Email Adrian   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
what annoys me is those terrible rhymes that don't.

they usually occur in old hymns and there's a posh word for them, but i don't know it...

for example: name & lamb

to rhyme you'd have to sing "Jesus the lame"

--------------------
www.emergingchurch.info
www.the-scriptorium.org


Posts: 992 | From: sunny scarborough, uk | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

 - Posted      Profile for Karl: Liberal Backslider   Author's homepage   Email Karl: Liberal Backslider   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Name and lamb would have very nearly rhymed in the 15th-16th century and earlier - the 'a' would have been 'ah' in 'name' and the same sound but shorter (between 'a' in modern English 'lamb' and 'u' in Southern English 'cut').

--------------------
Might as well ask the bloody cat.

Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

 - Posted      Profile for Belisarius   Email Belisarius   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
The posh term is Assonance (heard it in 7th-grade English and the movie "Educating Rita"), which mainly refers to when words that originally rhymed no longer do.

--------------------
Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

 - Posted      Profile for Schroedinger's cat   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Well Karl, I hope your now satisfied that we have heated up acceptably! Actually, I think the song is simplistic, but not untrue. There is s truth that is far to complex to put into a song of that nature.

Sorry you have been hurt ( that's genuine, and out of place in hell ). I don't support any form of religion that damages people. But it livened up the discussio na bit, didn't it


--------------------
Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.


Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Adrian
Electric angel
# 298

 - Posted      Profile for Adrian   Author's homepage   Email Adrian   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
"were you there when they crucified my lord?"

is that meant to be a rhetorical question?

--------------------
www.emergingchurch.info
www.the-scriptorium.org


Posts: 992 | From: sunny scarborough, uk | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Alan Cresswell

Mad Scientist 先生
# 31

 - Posted      Profile for Alan Cresswell   Email Alan Cresswell   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Here's another song that was written by people who obviously never read their OT

When the Spirit of the Lord is within my heart I will dance like David danced
If I recall, that was naked. Was the writer of this chorus actually intending the congregation to strip off in church?

The same song also has sing like David sang. As has been pointed out in the "Angry at God" thread, some of the songs David wrote show how angry David was at God sometimes. I don't think the song writer meant this either

Alan

--------------------
Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.


Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ian M
Shipmate
# 79

 - Posted      Profile for Ian M   Author's homepage   Email Ian M   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I went to the enemy's camp, and I
took back what he stole from me
took back what he stole from me
took back what he stole from me
I went to the enemy's camp, and I
took back what he stole from me
took back what he stole from me
took back what he stole from me
He's under my feet, he's under my feet, he's under my feet, he's under my feet.... Satan is under my feet.

Now that's dodgy stuff, frankly.

Ian


Posts: 332 | From: Surbiton, Surrey, UK | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

 - Posted      Profile for Tubbs   Author's homepage   Email Tubbs   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Having been in the presence of God, I agree that my problems have disappeared either in the sense that I’ve stopped focusing on them, I’ve received comfort from God etc. And having come away from God’s presence I’ve felt better about the stuff that’s going on. But that particular chorus is like a little button in my head – “and in his presence our disappear” – it instantly makes my problems come and say cooooeeeee! If you draw attention to something then you will think about it! It’s like the other one,

“So forget about yourself
Concentrate on Him
And worship Him”

Repeat several times. This song is guaranteed to do precisely the opposite to that which the writer intended. I instantly start thinking about stuff like the hardness of the pew, what I have to get done today etc …

I have come to the conclusion that I am terminally shallow

Tubbs

--------------------
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am


Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

 - Posted      Profile for Tubbs   Author's homepage   Email Tubbs   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Have re-read previous post ... the opening sentance didn't come out quite right. If only this board had an EDIT post function for when you realise that you sound like a total tosser

Sorry

Tubbs

--------------------
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am


Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
SteveTom
Contributing Editor
# 23

 - Posted      Profile for SteveTom   Author's homepage   Email SteveTom   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Worst surviving verse by a dead hymn-writer:

Those who set at naught and sold him
Pierced and nailed him to the tree
Deeply wailing
Deeply wailing
Deeply wailing
Shall their true Messiah see.

This at the v least lays itself open to charges of horrifying anti-semitism, and considering the church's record in this area, it should never be sung again.

--------------------
I saw a naked picture of me on the internet
Wearing Jesus's new snowshoes.
Well, golly gee.
- Eels


Posts: 1363 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
SteveTom
Contributing Editor
# 23

 - Posted      Profile for SteveTom   Author's homepage   Email SteveTom   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Though the next verse does achieve the glorious feat of rhyming 'bears', 'cars', and 'worshippers'.

--------------------
I saw a naked picture of me on the internet
Wearing Jesus's new snowshoes.
Well, golly gee.
- Eels

Posts: 1363 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
starbelly
but you can call me Neil
# 25

 - Posted      Profile for starbelly   Author's homepage   Email starbelly   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Not only does Wayne Drain have possibly the sillest name in the christian scene, but he also writes some of the worst songs....

Lost in the shuffle I was

lost as a goose.

The devil had a rope out,

and it looked just like a noose.

But just before I went off,

of that deep end,

My Father threw me out a line,

forgave me of my sin.

Now we're Dancin', me and the Father.

He's Throwing me up in the air.

We're dancin', me and the father.

He's swinging me, I like it up there,

With my Father, I like it up there

with my Father.

He took me to the water

and cleaned me real good.

Then He raised me up to be with him,

I feel just like I should.

He filled me with His Spirit,

I drank the whole cup.

Now when He calls, I hear it.

Hey turn that volume up 'cause we're...

Dancin', me and the Father.

He's Throwing me up in the air.

We're dancin', me and the father.

He's swinging me,

I like it up there with the Father.

I like it up there with the Father.

God 's got a big family,

more than anyone can count.

There's always room for more,

no need to be left out.

So, come on, come on, come on,

and you could be

Dancin', you and the Father,

He'll throw you up in the air.

You'd be dancin'

You and the Father.

He'll swing you up.

You'll like it up there,

with the Father.

You'll like it up there,

with the Father.


Posts: 6009 | From: High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15

 - Posted      Profile for dyfrig   Email dyfrig   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
This may have been a bad dream, or an hallucination caused by a sleepless night, but I have this horrible feeling that whilst I was at a church at Uni (naming no name - ....oh, sod it, St Michael's, Aberystwyth. you know who you are) someone in the music group had a go writing a chorus that would fit in with that evening's reading. For the sake of argument, let's say it was Colossians 3 or something. The result was something along the lines of, "If you want to know/just look in Colossians 3" and whatever verse it was.

I mean.......why? In the name of everything that is holy and true .... WHY?

[edited to remove a hopeless and inept use of the code buttons]

[ 14 June 2001: Message edited by: frin ]

--------------------
"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt


Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
tomb
Shipmate
# 174

 - Posted      Profile for tomb   Author's homepage   Email tomb   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by SteveTom:
Though the next verse does achieve the glorious feat of rhyming 'bears', 'cars', and 'worshippers'.

Actually, SteveTom, I think you meant "scars," not "cars," though admittedly cars can scar you if you're not careful.

And I daresay Charles Wesley will smite you for questioning his fine hymn, though admittedly for purposes of scansion the clauses are inverted and it takes a little sorting out before you discover that the sentiment is very biblical. Lake of fire and all that.

The tune for this hymn in the ECUSA hymnal is a splendid early American tune,
Helmsley, which makes it fun to play and a delight to sing. I assume that Hymns Ancient and Modern probably has it attached to some sucky tune. That's usually the case and probably why you're sour on it. Amazing how a good tune can cover a multitude of textual sins.

tomb


Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
smatt
Shipmate
# 103

 - Posted      Profile for smatt     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
starbelly please tell me you made that 'thing' up!

my personal favourites:

"she poured her love for the master
from her box of alabaster"
(fortunatley I've wiped the rest of this from my memory)

i'm another avoider of anything with actions

oh yes, and "come into his presence" which reminds me of Val Doonican (sp?) and his dancers ,for some reason - especially the "up-tempo" second verse - or maybe that's just me...

OK
anyone for "Shine, Jesus, shine"?



love
smatt


Posts: 118 | From: UK | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Louise
Shipmate
# 30

 - Posted      Profile for Louise   Email Louise   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
anyone for "Shine, Jesus, shine"?

I think Karl and I dealt with that with a machine gun on the thread about why anyone should get shot in church.

We thought it was a good reason

Louise

--------------------
Now you need never click a Daily Mail link again! Kittenblock replaces Mail links with calming pics of tea and kittens! http://www.teaandkittens.co.uk/ Click under 'other stuff' to find it.


Posts: 6918 | From: Scotland | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Father Gregory

Orthodoxy
# 310

 - Posted      Profile for Father Gregory   Author's homepage   Email Father Gregory   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Time to be smug!

We Orthodox do not have these songs .... at all!

We do tend to have varicose veins though ... from all that standing up

I a reminded of a simply awful one from the past:-

"Jesus drop kick me through the goal posts of life ..."

Yeah, right!

--------------------
Yours in Christ
Fr. Gregory
Find Your Way Around the Plot
TheOrthodoxPlot™


Posts: 15099 | From: Manchester, UK | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
fadethecat
Apprentice
# 446

 - Posted      Profile for fadethecat   Email fadethecat   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
If there's one song I would dearly love to see banished from all memory--or at least all Christian music concerts--forever, it's the once tolerable "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever". Okay, I'll grant that perhaps we could, but that doesn't mean we have to try. Some songs may drag on a bit, but that one is almost guaranteed to go into at least ten minutes. Of that one line. Over and over and over again. And they don't even bother doing the verse, the only tolerable part of the whole song, more than once.

And anything by Carman. A man who writes songs directly connected the lack of school-sponsored prayer with drug abuse...sigh. And I won't even begin on the "Holy Ghost Hop".


Posts: 22 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Akeldama
Shipmate
# 277

 - Posted      Profile for Akeldama         Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I have an astonishingly low tolerance for cringe. Although brought up a Catholic I'd been an atheist until the age of 21 where I got press ganged by God botherers at Uni who promised free pizza, eternal salvation, oh and some of them were pretty cute. Especially the one from Atlanta, oh and Tina from Washington DC, she was a goddess (no pantheism intended). But I'm digressing here…

Anyway. Having been brought up in a fairly traditional Catholic church in a particularly Irish part of South Manchester, music in church was pretty much limited to your traditional dirges accompanied by badly played pipe organ music. I never much noticed these hairy old hymns as music, more as things that should bloody well hurry up and finish so I can get home and watch Chopper Squad or Thunderbirds. Some hippyish couple used to play guitar and electric bass at the 10 am service which was almost exciting, but our family usually went to the 11am service which was like having teeth pulled. (Except when Mass was said by the old Canon, he could wizz through a mass in 40 minutes on a good day and you'd get home in time to catch TerrorHawks if you were lucky).

But once I'd become a Christian at Uni I was suddenly bombarded with the world of cheesy chorus' at Christian Union, trendy tunes at the local Anclican church and worst of all, friends trying to interest me in albums by dull buffoons in rainbow sweaters (Trying to wean me off the devilish rock music I listened to, didn't work folks – anyway Iron Maiden have written more songs about searching for God and finding faith with great harmony solos that Graham Kendrick, so there). The CU would have these so called 'Low Cringe' meetings were they tried to get down-with-the-kids and be normal students. But these evangelical events were blighted by some of the worst music imaginable. Much of it already mentioned in this thread. How on earth anyone thought the was evangelical mileage in chorus' about wiggly worms, (with actions, mind you, with actions) I'll never know.

But the very very worst thing I ever did see was a video of a Steven Curtis Chapman concert. This guy is a one trick pony. Nearly every song he kinda raps, in a very white way, usually spelling out the title of the songe like some strange Christian version of Sesame Street for especially slow kids. And to cap it off there's a song of his called 'King of the Jungle.' I cannot possible convey how awful this song is, so here are some of the lyrics…

Well the day has just begun and I'm already running late
With too many irons in the fire and too much on my plate
I'd be pulling out my hair if I could just get one hand free
And I'd stop this world if I could find the key

CHORUS
What I feel is telling me I'm going crazy, but
What is real says God's still on His throne
What I need is to remember one thing
That the Lord of the gentle breeze is Lord of the rough and tumble
And He is King of the Jungle

People say this world's a jungle and sometimes I must admit
I'd be scared to death if I did not know who was king of it
But the truth is God created this whole world with His own hand
So everything is under His command
(Chorus)
K-I-N-G of the J-U-N-G-L-E
He is the king of creation
K-I-N-G of the J-U-N-G-L-E
Ruler of the earth and sky and the sea
K-I-N-G of the J-U-N-G-L-E
He's always in control
He is the King of kings

It's even worse with the music. Notice the use of the rap/spell effect in the final chours, he does that a lot you know. You'd think someone somewhere would say, "Oiy, Steven Nooooooo!" What's even funnier is that on the same album is a song called Burn the Ships where he uses Cortez' order to burn the ships when he reached the new world as a metaphor. Lovely Steven, no much about what Cortez and his fellow Conquesadors got up to in South America do we? What's really sad is I bought this record. I went through a period when I first became a Christian realy trying to get into all aspects of the faith. I even bought a tasteless multi-coloured jumper from millets. Look if a girl you fancy is into the fella's music you make the effort, it was either that or her other favorite – but look, I'll buy cheesy Christian music but I'm not going through the embarressment of buying a Bon Jovi record.

I have played a part in furthering rubbish chorus' though. I joined the CU band on electric guitar. The idea was to form a band that put a bit more effort into the quality of the music at CU meetings. So we actually jammed quite a bit and even got to solo. It's much easier when throwing shapes, posing, and ripping into shredding solos (even though at rehersals I'd promised not to) to ignore the true awfullness of the songs you are playing. That's my excuse.

The music that's always meant more to me is by artists I already respected, writing about their faith in a real manner. Getting annoyed, losing faith, finding it again, kicking it around etc. It means more to me than a hundred smiley Graham Kendricks to hear someone like Dave Mustaine (of Megadeth) or the wonderful Rick Wakemam talk about their faith. Dream Theater's 'Voices' is a powerful song about struggling with doubt, and not a cringe in site (unless you don't like Prog Rock – actually I feel my audience slipping away now)

Gosh, this is a long post. My apologies. I should have split it up into smaller chunks, might make Shipmate quicker that way.


Posts: 283 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
tomb
Shipmate
# 174

 - Posted      Profile for tomb   Author's homepage   Email tomb   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I actually know the guy who wrote the song with the wiggly worm in it. Last time I heard, he was selling cars in Charlotte.

Dear God, don't tell me you're still singing that thing?

tomb


Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
SteveTom
Contributing Editor
# 23

 - Posted      Profile for SteveTom   Author's homepage   Email SteveTom   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Tomb, are you going to devote your entire time as host to pointing out people's typos?

The problem with 'Lo, he comes with clouds descending' has got absolutely nothing to do with scansion or tune.
The problem is that it is keeping alive the idea that the Jews are responsible for the killing of Christ and are going to pay. It's an idea that has been the death of thousands upon thousands, and it's utterly despicable.
A 'fun' tune does not redeem racist slander.

--------------------
I saw a naked picture of me on the internet
Wearing Jesus's new snowshoes.
Well, golly gee.
- Eels


Posts: 1363 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
KevT
unregistered


 - Posted            Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
My personal pet hates include the truly dreadful Ishmael song "I once was frightened of spiders".

And then, of course, Graham Kendrick. Especially his mid-life crisis song "For the joys and for the sorrows". Dreadful tune and the horribly sickening lyrics of a middle-class jumper-wearing evangelical. Even thinking about it is making me cringe.


KevT.


IP: Logged
Phil R.
Shipmate
# 128

 - Posted      Profile for Phil R.   Email Phil R.   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Ahem...

Well you can get little worse than:

Who's the king of the jungle (oo oo)
Who's the king of the sea (bubble bubble bubble)

I know it's a kids song, but someone introduced a camp full of 7 year olds to it; and it's all we sang ALL BLASTED WEEK.

(sorry, still get the hypertension)

"Blessed be the name of the Lord" which includes the marvelous lines "The name of the Lord is/a strong tower/the righteous run into it..." ...and hurt themselves.

Then there's "We really want to thank you, Lord" sung to something not dissimilar from a musical box accompanyment.

"Come on an celebrate"

"Bind us together" (Oh please, get a life)

And ANYTHING by that certain Mr. K.

Hmm, this is rather cathartic, innit?


Posts: 216 | From: Sussex, England | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Jane R
Shipmate
# 331

 - Posted      Profile for Jane R   Email Jane R   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
This is a very scary thread, especially the bits about sheep. My husband wrote an article about bad choruses for our parish magazine last year, and the parodies he wrote as examples sound uncannily like the real thing. His 'Nauseating Children's Chorus' went like this;

We are fluffy lambs
We are fluffy lambs
We are fluffy lambs for you-ou-ou

Jane R


Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

 - Posted      Profile for Tubbs   Author's homepage   Email Tubbs   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Unfortunately Starbelly hasn't made it up and it's a total earworm. It'll be in my head all day. And I've just had a vision of my minister dancing to it. Noooooooo

Tubbs

--------------------
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am


Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Adrian
Electric angel
# 298

 - Posted      Profile for Adrian   Author's homepage   Email Adrian   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
ah! dancing ministers!

i was at a recent ecumenical service and we methodists were suffering high mass served up by the bishop, no less.

however, for some reason (progress???) the procession out was to some cheesy choruses. the anglican clergy attempted to walk out with decorum (not really possible to Kendrick), but our circuit president followed on with a groovy hip-swinging dance.
prompting a quiet but audiable cheer from the low church contingency.

this doesn't redeem the choruses, nor am i making excuses for dancing clergy, but somehow it rather showed up all that poncing about with things on sticks.

maybe choruses are god's way of stopping us taking this worship thing too seriously...

--------------------
www.emergingchurch.info
www.the-scriptorium.org


Posts: 992 | From: sunny scarborough, uk | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Groucho
Shipmate
# 279

 - Posted      Profile for Groucho   Author's homepage         Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Awl riiiight.... Pay attention pop pickers...

1. Lord of the Dance
(nuff said)

2. Kumbaya
(Why does anyone still sing it?)

3. Down the mountain the river flows
(if you don't know the rest, be very very grateful)

4. Shine Jesus Shine
(Flogged to death years ago and it was never that good anyway)

5. Will you come and follow me
(I love the Iona Community and I love most of the Bell/Maule songs. So why is this crappy thing the one which gets most attention? Is it because people feel too uncomfortable with the better stuff?)

6. These are the days of Elijah
("here comes that Revival" - oops sorry, you'll just have to wait a little longer...)

7. The day of the streams is over
(ditto)

8. As the deer pants for the water
(nice first verse - right from Psalm 42 - but utterly cringeworthy in verses 2 and 3 - "you are the apple of my eye"?)

9. Teach me to dance to the best of your heart
(GK - you are the weakest link - goodbye)

10. Come and join the celebration
(Have a very naff Christmas...)

General inclusions:
- anything with a mock Jewish tune which gets faster and faster before you are all supposed to say "hey!" at the end.

- anything which gives an excuse for the free-form jazz tambourine players to do their thang.

If you really want to get depressed, get a copy of the expanded Songs of Fellowship and look at the words of most of the songs in the latter half (ie the more recent ones). It is really horrifying....

--------------------
"These are my principles.
If you don't like them, I have others."


Posts: 111 | From: Halifax | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

 - Posted      Profile for Karl: Liberal Backslider   Author's homepage   Email Karl: Liberal Backslider   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Leave 'Lord of the Dance' alone. The other crud listed on this thread does not deserve its company.


Kumbayah - does anyone still sing it? Please, no!

I'd also like to commend What a friend we have in Jesus for the 'if only 'twere that simple' category.

--------------------
Might as well ask the bloody cat.


Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

 - Posted      Profile for Gill H     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Our church used to sing 'our darkness disappears' but that doesn't really solve the difficulty. How do you fit 'our problems are still there but we occasionally realise God's a lot bigger and He loves us, problems and all' into six syllables?

Karl, I loved the poem. Was it a deliberate homage to the 'Giant' poems?

Nicole, our school choir used to sing 'All in the April evening'. We used to get ticked off for bad diction in the line 'two stark crosses between'. Our teacher used to say 'what are two-star crosses?'! Sentimental mush at its worst.

I often do the kids' worship slot at church and will defend choruses with simple words, lively tunes and actions because the kids and adults (at our church anyway) love 'em. But actions are encouraged rather than enforced!

However, I'm glad I was away the other week when a new chorus was sung beginning

"I'm head over heels with the living God
From my tummy button to my toes..."

--------------------
*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose


Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

 - Posted      Profile for Karl: Liberal Backslider   Author's homepage   Email Karl: Liberal Backslider   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Was it a deliberate homage to the 'Giant' poems?

Busted

To tell the truth, it wasn't originally deliberate, but the similar theme and vehicle (the alter ego) inevitably created similarities.

Alas, I am not such a poet as to be truly original.

--------------------
Might as well ask the bloody cat.


Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

 - Posted      Profile for Schroedinger's cat   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Sorry, but Lord of the Dance has to be there because, like so many other entries on this list, it is out of place being sung in church today.

Phil R reminded me of "Father Abraham", which I sang at least twice a day for a holiday club many years ago. It started the week being very poor indeed, and by the end ....

--------------------
Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.


Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

 - Posted      Profile for Karl: Liberal Backslider   Author's homepage   Email Karl: Liberal Backslider   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Sorry, but Lord of the Dance has to be there because, like so many other entries on this list, it is out of place being sung in church today.

As Angus Deayton (sp.?) would say 'In what way?'

--------------------
Might as well ask the bloody cat.


Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
SteveTom
Contributing Editor
# 23

 - Posted      Profile for SteveTom   Author's homepage   Email SteveTom   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
A certain v prominent worship song writer whom you evidently all know came & led worship in our church the other Sunday.
Apart from his sermon - about worship, natch - he spent the entire 90 service teaching us songs from his latest CD.
Highly questionable behaviour.

They were pretty grim too.
And at the end of each one everybody clapped! God it was embarassing.

However, I must add in favour of (completely changing the subject) Graham Kendrick:

    he wouldn't inspire half so much British bile if he wasn't so successful and popular;
    anyone who doesn't remember what 'contemporary worship' was like pre-Graham doesn't know they're born; and
    you have to give him credit for more or less singlehandedly injecting theology into contemporary worship.


--------------------
I saw a naked picture of me on the internet
Wearing Jesus's new snowshoes.
Well, golly gee.
- Eels

Posts: 1363 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

 - Posted      Profile for Tubbs   Author's homepage   Email Tubbs   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
My bile towards a certain GK has nothing to do with being Welsh and everything to do with the fact that I think that a fairly good proportion of his songs are crap. Eg: For this I have Jesus works equally well when the words chocolate or gin are subsituted.

Injections of thelogy?! Can you back this up with concrete examples ...

Tubbs

--------------------
"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am


Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged



Pages in this thread: 1  2  3  4  ...  11  12  13 
 
Post new thread  Post a reply Close thread   Feature thread   Move thread   Delete thread Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
 - Printer-friendly view
Go to:

Contact us | Ship of Fools | Privacy statement

© Ship of Fools 2016

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0

 
follow ship of fools on twitter
buy your ship of fools postcards
sip of fools mugs from your favourite nautical website
 
 
  ship of fools