Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hell: Crappy Choruses and Horrible Hymns
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Oriel
Shipmate
# 748
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Posted
Another great one we had on Sunday [1]:How great is our God How great is his name How great is our God Forever the same He rolled back the waters Of the mighty Red Sea And he said I`ll never leave you Put your trust in me How great.. He sent his Son Jesus To set us all free And he said.. How great.. He sends us his Spirit So now we can see And he said.. All played at a dirge-like speed (it`s meant to be a very upbeat song with a kind of bouncybouncy feel) on an out-of-tune organ. Well, I suppose it`s not their fault the organ`s out of tune (various people have said there`s no point even trying to fix it, and they should just chuck the whole thing), but they do have a piano and there`s no reason they couldn`t use it, especially when the tune is so obviously unsuitable for organ. [1]It was a joint service. The Other Church seems to have a taste for these things.. every single service I`ve ever been to there has ended with the same hymn, which has the chorus: And he will raise you up on eagle`s wings Bear you on the breath of dawn Make you to shine like the sun And hold you in the palm of his hand Lyrically, it`s not too bad. Musically, it`s awful: the tune never seems to know where it`s going next, and there`s no cohesion to it. Except for the first two lines of the chorus, the tune for which I`m pretty sure has been nicked from something else.
-------------------- Unlike the link previously in my sig, I actually update my Livejournal from time to time.
Posts: 796 | From: Scotland | Registered: Jul 2001
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
We had this on Sunday. Unfortunately, only verse 2.
-------------------- Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
To the exclusion of all else.
-------------------- Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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Laura
General nuisance
# 10
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Posted
As several especially putrid songs have repeated over the course of this thread, I think we should run some sort of contest to select the worst of those posted....Chas, thank you for bringing up Earth and All Stars, and also for your alternate verse selections. For those who don't remember page two of this lengthy thread, the hymn lists many sound-making things in creation, ancient and modern, such as "loud-boiling test-tubes" and "loud pounding hammers" and how they "sing to the L-o-o-o-ord a new song." Thus it is that in the choir my Dad conducts, this hymn is referred to simply as "Loud Flushing Toilets". I slaved through this whole ghastly thread, which I had neglected, because as a church musician, I've heard so much awfulness that can barely be believed perpetrated in the name of "music" and find myself entirely overcome, now that I have surveyed yet again the apparently unplumbable depths out there. The pain is intense. Nonethless, I will add a couple I remember that have not (staggeringly) been mentioned yet. At a summer church camp, we once learned a little ditty bastardized from Sound of Music's "Do(e), a deer" that went as follows: Doyou know the Saviour died? raised again in three short days? Me, the one for whom he died, Far away he took my sins. So I'll love him ever more! Love I never knew before! T, that stands for Calvary! That means Je-sus died for Me! Oh, the horror. The horror. And there was some awfulness that had as the chorus: Je-sus, O Je-sus, come and fill your lambs! Which I thought as a child made no sense and was, also, creepy. Finally, an anecdote. My sister and I (circa ages 8 and 11, respectively) once attended services at a relative's very happy-clappy Baptist church. We were raised middle to high ECUSA, so this was pretty "out there" for us. When the band started in the balcony, my sister looked at my mother, horrified, and said, "What is this? 'Hooked on Jesus'?" (Those who remember the excremental early-eighties Hooked on Classics and associated albums which took sixteen bars of great pieces and put them to a steady rock beat will know what she was referring to).
-------------------- Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. - Erich Fromm
Posts: 16883 | From: East Coast, USA | Registered: Apr 2001
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
Thank you, Oriel - though I cannot say I've ever heard it in churches which I regularly attend, I have found that the tiresome "On Eagle's Wings," apparently the current favourite in many parishes, has been worn to a frazzle during perhaps the past ten years.A few years ago, a religious Internet site (cannot recall the name now) conducted a poll of "favourite Catholic hymns." I was amazed that "On Eagle's Wings" won by a "landslide." When it comes to trendy, totally "un-singable" tunes, there was one, popular mainly amongst those who worked with either little children or the aged, which I believe was called "You Want to Pass it On." Since this is the sort of tune (any lyric) one desperately longs to forget, I may be off track a bit, but I recall it's being something like: It only take a spark To get a fire going And soon all those around Are warmed up with its glowing That's how it is with God's Love Once you've experienced it You want to sing, It's fresh like spring, You want to pass it on. The tune was weird and difficult enough, but that it tended to be introduced for congregational singing, at such gatherings as would be held either in nursing homes or those related to primary school children, made it all the worse.
-------------------- Cheers, Elizabeth “History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
Oh, Newman, you beat me to it. I thought of posting "Pass it On" the other day, then forgot to do so."Pass it On" was originally part of a "Christian Musical," as I recall. In the same genre was a song called, "He's Everything To Me." It began, "In the stars his handiwork I see," but rapidly degenerated after that. I.will.not.think.of.any.more.of.it. NB: there's a second verse to "Pass it On," but we shall pass over it, in testimony to the infinite mercy of God. tomb
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by tomb: Oh, Newman, you beat me to it. I thought of posting "Pass it On" the other day, then forgot to do so."Pass it On" was originally part of a "Christian Musical," as I recall.
Please excuse my ignorance, tomb, but what is a "Christian Musical"? (This so I can avoid anything related to it in the future...) Musician that I was, I cannot resist adding two general "crappy choruses" general categories. I loathe when Latin (or other foreign language) hymns are "translated" into words that bear no resemblance to the original, but are merely English words cramped into the tune. As well, when there are modern hymns, composed perhaps by monks or nuns, which were intended specifically as adaptations of texts proper to a particular liturgy, their adaptation for "general use" (copied from a CD, perhaps) often has strange results. Some years ago, I recall a Benedictine abbey's having released records of (actually rather pleasant) songs, which specifically were adaptations of Collects or other liturgical elements related to particular dates on the calendar. Unfortunately, the adaptation of the reading from Hosea ("Long have I waited for your coming home to me..") set me into fits of giggling when I heard it at every 1970s wedding; "Wherever You Go I Shall Go" I heard used for everything from weddings to graduation ceremonies (sycophantic teachers would have the class "dedicate it to their parents" - I hope it wasn't true) with no memory of Ruth or Naomi; and one song about the Virgin Mary, which was originally intended for the Feast of Guadalupe (when Juan Diego is said to have seen the vision of Mary reproduced on his cape), with the words "Just as Lovely as Before," seemed bizarre out of context.
-------------------- Cheers, Elizabeth “History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
LOL.In re: Latin hymns, my favorite is the translation of the Ave Maria (usually Schubert, but I've seen it done to Bach/Gounod as well) that turns it into an "Our Father"--presumably so it can be sung in translation at Protestant weddings and not offend prod sensibilities. As to the Ruth passage, what a hoot! And this was about the time, I suppose, that married women were being counseled to swath themselves in Saran Wrap and great their husbands at the door when the came home as a way of spicing up the marriage. If my wife ever did anything like that, I'd probably have nightmares and end up impotent. She's more sensible than that, thank God. Regarding Christian musicals, probably the only thing you need to know is that they are not musical and tend to be silly and allegorical. I haven't heard of one being performed in decades, so you're probably safe. tomb
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by tomb: LOL. And this was about the time, I suppose, that married women were being counseled to swath themselves in Saran Wrap and greet their husbands at the door when the came home as a way of spicing up the marriage. If my wife ever did anything like that, I'd probably have nightmares and end up impotent. She's more sensible than that, thank God. tomb
ROTFL - but I'm way too innocent to have thought of things like plastic wrap... I only meant that they seemed to ignore that Hosea's wife (even apart from being Israel...) is a prostitute... Years ago, I once heard the same song done for a penance service - and, while it actually is appropriate on one level, I doubt anyone caught why that was so. This was the era when penance services emphasised that no one ever sinned. In about 1980 (I was still an RC nun), I remember a highly creative "penance service," for little children who were making first confession. I recall the church was rather large, and that the priests were seated in the rooms beside the spot where the altar was. Of course, the nuns were terrified that a child making first confession might feel guilt or something, so this was a song-fest.. of the worst. The kids had to bring their families (this was a big time for making everything a family event..), sitting with them in the pews, and singing all sorts of things like, "And we're so happy! So very happy! We've got the love of Jesus in our hearts!" - guitars, tambourines, all sort of beyond happy clappy songs. Each kid, in turn, went up the aisle to make first confession, with all this noise all around, then return to hug and kiss the family members (reconciliation, I suppose... no, this crowd was too dense to even think of that one...) I still remember, with that horrible, loud music and this false festival atmosphere, that this happy occasion was a penance that I would not wish on Jack the Ripper... I still am trembling, remembering how it upset me. Then again, I always thought the most unwittingly honest statement in church music history, albeit one set to a dreadful tune, was the 1960s "Take Our Bread" (at a time when, in some slang, "bread" meant money)... especially during Offertory...
-------------------- Cheers, Elizabeth “History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
Just remembered a couple of great biblical ones:First off I will sing unto the Lord I will sing unto the Lord For he has triumphed gloriously The horse and the rider he has thrown into the sea I will sing unto the Lord Fabulous - and it is solid biblically based so can't go wrong.
Second: Pierce my ear oh Lord my God Take me to your throne this day I will have no other Lord A free man I'll never be. Those both made sense. Not.
But boy it was hours of mirth as we had to sing them at youth choir and then, joy of joys, sing them to the church. Happpy days.
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Beenster:
... Pierce my ear oh Lord my God ...
Beenster, you're making that up!
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Beenster: I will sing unto the Lord I will sing unto the Lord For he has triumphed gloriously The horse and the rider he has thrown into the sea I will sing unto the Lord
Exodus 15:20-21 "Then Miriam the prophetess, Aaron's sister, took a tambourine in her hand, and all the women followed her, with tambourines and dancing. Miriam sang to them: "Sing to the LORD, for he is highly exalted. The horse and its rider he has hurled into the sea." quote:
Pierce my ear oh Lord my God Take me to your throne this day I will have no other Lord A free man I'll never be.
Exodus 21:5-6 "But if the servant declares, `I love my master and my wife and children and do not want to go free,' then his master must take him before the judges. He shall take him to the door or the doorpost and pierce his ear with an awl. Then he will be his servant for life." A little bit of context make a big difference.
bb
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
I have a gripe about the failure of some organists to play a melody line so that the congregation has a much better chance of singing on-key.For years I belonged to a church where the organist was recognized as a very good instrumentalist and choir director, but he wouldn't give the congregation a break. I used to attend the 8:15 AM service where there was no choir. At that hour, people who would have needed no help staying in tune later in the day did need help. On the first stanzas of the hymns, he gave a melody line, but not as strong as it could have been. On the next to the last stanza, he played a harmony with no melody line at all. One Sunday the one of the lessons had a sentence to the effect that the shepherds were gone and the sheep were scattered. As I listened people groping for the tune while the organist played his harmony, it suddenly struck me, "The sheep are scattered." It never dawned on this talented musician that he should help the congregation sing. Moo
-------------------- Kerygmania host --------------------- See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
quote:
Newman's Own:It only take a spark To get a fire going And soon all those around Are warmed up with its glowing That's how it is with God's Love Once you've experienced it You want to sing, It's fresh like spring, You want to pass it on. The tune was weird and difficult enough, but that it tended to be introduced for congregational singing, at such gatherings as would be held either in nursing homes or those related to primary school children, made it all the worse.
Oh, but we sung it at our young-adult worship service too. I could never get the "experienced" word right: thou it seemed no-one else could either. You were trotting merrily along, and then needed to say "exprnced" or something similar in two syllables. While more of a kid's song, and a quote from a Psalm I believe, the fact we sung this in church and that actions were deemed necessary make this one a candidate: From the rising of the sun (Wave hands from your right-hand side to above your head in air and make "ch-ch-ch" noise) To the going down of the same (Complete the semi-circle of hands to your left) The Lord's name (Point upwards) Is to be praised. (Dance, flip, whatever!)
Finally, I always thought, as an un-trained singer, that the "Alleluia" in "Angels We Have Heard On High" stretched my breath capacity to its limits. (BTW: what is the proper pronounciation for "excelsis": hard or soft 'c'? I had disagreements with the choir. ) That was until I heard and was forced to sing the otherwise passable "We believe". Anyone else remember the lung capacity one needed to belt out in one breath: Jesus, Lord of all, Lord of all. Jesus, Lord of all, Lord of all. Jesus, Lord of all, Lord of all. Jesus, Lord of all, Lord of all. Name above all names; Name above all names
Admiral H.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
Though I have little taste for the crude, this thread reminded me of a little parody I heard some years back that merits quotation... just this once.A few of the friars I knew had attended some sort of ecumenical service where they heard a song they thought the absolute worst: "There is power, power, wonder working power in the precious blood of the Lamb." They parodied this tune with, "There were five, five constipated men in the bible, in the bible. There were five, five constipated men in the B-I-B-L-E." In between, they chanted: Hearken ye, the first constipated man in the Bible was Cain. He was not Abel. Hearken ye, the second constipated man in the Bible was Moses. He took two tablets. Hearken ye, the third constipated man in the Bible was Solomon. He sat for forty years. I cannot recall the last two characters... but you get the picture.
-------------------- Cheers, Elizabeth “History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
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Liberty
ship's football fanatic
# 713
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Posted
We sang "From the Rising of the Sun" in Korean at Church last week (actions and all). when I asked why, I was told "because its harvest"!
-------------------- "I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtedly"
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
The Five Constipated Men! I learned about them in Sunday School, in the 4th grade, from Mr. Weinblatt. There was a tune too, but I shan't attempt to reproduce it here. "There were 5 constipated men in the Bible, in the Bible, 5 constipated men. The first was Cain...he wasn't Abel The second was Solomon...he sat for forty years The third was Moses...he took two tablets The fourth was Samson...he brought the house down The fifth was Balaam....he couldn't move his ass There were five constipated men in the Bible....etc. I've heard "Methuselah" for "Solomon", and you notice they're not in any sort of order, except that you have to finish with Balaam.
-------------------- At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
[Latin lesson]Excelsis Point of dispute. The Romans would have said 'Ex-kehl-seess' - and no 'z' sounds for either s. However, ecclesiastical Latin is pronounced as if it were Italian. Therefore, it is 'Ex-chehl-sees' - the English short 'i' is never used; it should be the vowel in 'see' but shorter, and the 'e' should be given its full value. [/Latin lesson]
-------------------- Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
We had this one yesterday:Glory, glory in the highest; Glory, to the Almighty; Glory to the Lamb of God, And glory to the living Word; Glory to the Lamb! repeat I give glory, (glory) Glory, (glory) Glory, glory to the Lamb! I give glory, (glory) Glory, (glory) Glory, glory to the Lamb! I give glory to the Lamb! repeat all. by the time you're half way through the second time around, the word 'glory' doesn't mean anything and the look of it is weird too.
-------------------- Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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Jonah the Whale
Ship's pet cetacean
# 1244
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Posted
Ann, I think this one really only sounds right with an American West coast accent. I actually quite like it, even when we've done it in a very proper English accent (takes all sorts I know).
Posts: 2799 | From: Nether Regions | Registered: Aug 2001
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
This thread is becoming addictive. Last night, in bed, I thought of one of the worst songs I'd ever heard, both in theological content and tune. (The tune, which covered the range from perhaps mi to sol, sounded vaguely Irish.) I never heard this anywhere but once, with kids of fourteen or so, and don't know whether it is a "real hymn" or one a teacher made up.Spirit of God in the clear running water, Growing to greatness the trees on the hill. Spirit of God in the finger of morning, Refrain: Fill the earth, bring it to birth, and blow where you will. Blow, blow, blow till I be, But breath of the spirit blowing in me. Down in the meadow the willows are moaning, Sheep in the pasture land cannot lie still, Spirit of God, creation is groaning.. Refrain
-------------------- Cheers, Elizabeth “History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
Rhyming 'moaning' and 'groaning' is in itself worthy of death. Or at least being beaten around the head with a dictionary.
-------------------- Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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Joan the Outlaw-Dwarf
Ship's curiosity
# 1283
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Karl: [Latin lesson]Excelsis Point of dispute. The Romans would have said 'Ex-kehl-seess' - and no 'z' sounds for either s. However, ecclesiastical Latin is pronounced as if it were Italian. Therefore, it is 'Ex-chehl-sees' - the English short 'i' is never used; it should be the vowel in 'see' but shorter, and the 'e' should be given its full value. [/Latin lesson]
And to get this sound from a choir, you have to have each person singing "egg shells sis". I kid you not - only that way does the overall effect sound proper.
-------------------- "There is a divine discontent which has always helped to better things."
Posts: 1123 | From: Floating in the blue | Registered: Sep 2001
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
It is one of my bugbears that the Bach Society of which I am a member, despite repeated corrections by the conducter still sings 'sanctus' with an English A (as in Southern English 'cat') and 'in' as if it were the English 'in'.
-------------------- Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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jlg
What is this place? Why am I here?
# 98
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Posted
Oh dear, I guess I had better hurry off the the Confessions thread! Let's see: "in" for "in" I probably do all the time; the long-o in Dominus I once knew better than to do, but just realized I have slipped back into it. But I need to know how South Englanders say "cat" before I can confess about Sanctus! Unfortunately, proper Latin isn't a highly esteemed skill in small town New England.
Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001
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