|
Source: (consider it)
|
Thread: Hell: Crappy Choruses and Horrible Hymns
|
Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
|
Posted
I happen to love Lord of the Dance (performed well - it is not a good one for congregational singing), and think of it as rather "eternal." No wonder it seems dated to some, because it dates back to the Middle Ages.May I, as a former musician, add a general peeve? I loathe when anyone sings chant at a dragging pace! Gregorian chant, for example, was never meant to be slow, yet those who destroy it in this way think they are being "reverent." Anyone who thinks there was no penance in the 1960s never sat through those endless choruses of Kumbaya. I have no idea how any Pope became involved with prohibiting use of a hymn written in English (most "traditional" RC hymns popular in my childhood sound like Come Back to Erin Mavaurneen), but there was one case when that was so. It was a soppy, sentimental, dreadful hymn entitled "Good Night, Sweet Jesus." Trouble was, the congregations always had some members who thought it was the best. In one parish where I served, people asked me when we were going to sing it. I refrained from saying "Over my dead body!" only because I feared it would be played at my funeral. It loses much without the horrid tune, but begins:
Good-night, sweet Jesus,
Guard us in sleep,
Our souls and bodies in thy love keep.
Waking or sleeping (presumably us, not him), keep us in sight,
Dear gentle Saviour, good-night, good-night. Is anyone out there Roman-grown and 40+? Cringe along with me at memories of "Little White Guest!" Cheers,
Elizabeth
--------------------
Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Stephen
Shipmate
# 40
|
Posted
Really??
We've started something over at MW!  I think it used to be called mission!!
--------------------
Best Wishes
Stephen
'Be still,then, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the nations and I will be exalted in the earth' Ps46 v10
Posts: 3954 | From: Alto C Clef Country | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
brother shufti
Apprentice
# 845
|
Posted
here in australia, well hillsongs have already made the list, back in bible college i remember them being referred to as "jesus is my boyfriend" music. i remember we used to sing a chorus about binding the strongman and calling down fire from heaven. the best one i remember was a song that went something like:i'm an overcomer
victorious in jesus
filled up with god's power
devil
i'm gonna fight with all god's given get out of my way
cos i'm comin through
and nothing you do
is gonna stop me, stop me, stop me the thing is you have to imagine the last line with a youth pastor doing his best imitation of diana ross and the supremes doing "stop in the name of love" i just couldn't keep a straight face.
only 51 to go now!
the shufti man!
Posts: 3 | From: australia | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
|
Posted
I'm finding this thread to be great fun, probably to the distress of shipmates. May I add another peeve, which especially troubled me in the days when I was a director of music?Using the tunes of popular songs, with new words composed by a religious education team, couple about to be married, etc., regretfully was common. I remember, for example, someone who used Bob Dylan's tune "Blowing in the Wind" - words were things such as "How many times must their blood be shed, before they know that it's Mine? The answer, my friend, is in the hearts of men, the answer is living in all men." One nun that I knew, who was definitely not the type to do this in order to be funny, had "I Know I'll Never Find Another You" at her profession ceremony. Only one word of the original was changed - "if I should lose your love, dear" was changed to "love, Lord." I'd love to relate some of the oddities I saw at weddings (especially those choreographed so that various, totally inappropriate popular songs were sung as various members of the families were ushered to their seats - somehow, "Sunrise, Sunset" always was one of them) and funerals (Come Back to Erin Mavaurneen was bad, but Up a Lazy River, the deceased's favourite song, probably the worst), but I've been all too wordy already... 
--------------------
Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
jlg
What is this place?
Why am I here?
# 98
|
Posted
I suppose we need to be careful, Newman's Own, because anyone who has been involved with church music has lots of horror stories.
But I think I can beat Up the Lazy River. I sang a funeral once where they played "Tumblin' Tumbleweed" (using a cheap little boombox and a home-recorded cassette tape). This was done as a "meditation" after a cowboy hat and piece of tack were placed on the coffin in lieu of a crucifix.
Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
|
Posted
Sensing that I am a musician on friendly territory, I have found this thread rather nurturing...For a short time, infrequently yet more than once, I had some couple's who were planning a wedding ceremony ask for "Where is Love?" from "Oliver!" Aside from its not being in the category of great music, I could not fathom how anyone who'd listened to the words would not find them an extremely depressing accompaniment for a joyous occasion. (Even if they did not know Oliver was singing of his mother!) A couple who wants to hear "Every night I kneel and pray - let tomorrow be the day - when I see the face of someone who I can mean something to" needs to spend a little more time thinking this over... I remember, as well, certain popular hymns of the era(mental block on names and authors, I suppose) which were adaptations of scriptural passages... totally unsuited for wedding ceremonies, but requested often enough. (Pastors, then, always took the side of the couples.) More than once, an adaptation of a passage from Hosea was considered "just perfect" because of "Long have I waited for your coming home to me and living deeply our new life." (Attempts to explain the passage, and the state of Hosea's bride, tended to be fruitless, even, as was unlikely, if I left out how Hosea's wife was Israel.) And one far-too-earnest couple would not accept that "Wherever you go I shall go" referred to Ruth and Naiomi. Someone get me another round of gin...
--------------------
Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
GeoffH
Shipmate
# 133
|
Posted
We had "make of our hearts one heart" from West Side Story. Lovely words, smashing tune. (goes all soppy)
--------------------
Geoff H - an unreconstructed proddy
Posts: 305 | From: UK | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Happy Coot:
My choir once sang at the funeral of person named 'Irene'. The coffin was carried out to: 'Goodnight Irene'. Argh!On the subject of 60s and early 70s penance - Kumbayah's complement: 'Rock my soul in the bosom of Abraham'.
You forgot "Turn, Turn, Turn," sung through the nose. ...Reminds me of a time when a novice mistress whom I knew thought that John Denver's "Poems, Prayers, and Promises" (which I'd never heard before she mentioned it to me, and thank heavens I did then) would be wonderful for reception day. "Lie there by the fire, and watch the evening tire, while all my friends and my old lady sit and pass the pipe around..." One of the more difficult tasks in my life has been explaining to one so innocent what it meant to pass the pipe around, still saving my uncontrollable laughter for later.
--------------------
Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Bishop Joe
Shipmate
# 527
|
Posted
A friend of mine marched down the aisle to a solo rendition of B. Bacharach's ("They Long to Be) Close to You" made popular by the Carpenters. My only excuse is that it was the early seventies and everyone was nuts.
Posts: 150 | From: Chicago, IL USA | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
|
Posted
I attended a wedding in the 1970s (yes, we all were nuts...) where the groom, rather than the bride, walked up the aisle. The bride stood in front of the chancel and sang "I Love you Just the Way you Are" as he approached.This does not strictly have to do with music, but it is too good a funeral story to waste. (I got it secondhand, but from a reliable source.) It was a funeral for an elderly man who was of Chippewa Indian ancestry, and also an alcoholic. Technically an RC service, it incorporated various Indian customs. Finally, everyone in attendance was given a paper cup filled with whiskey. The coffin was placed in the grave, the priest then raised a toast to the deceased, everyone drank the whiskey, then threw the used paper cups into the grave. [spelling fixed] [ 23 July 2001: Message edited by: tomb ]
--------------------
Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ann
Curious
# 94
|
Posted
That's the whole of it:Let there be glory and honour and praises,
Glory and honour to Jesus,
Glory, honour, glory and honour to Him.
(2nd part)
Glory, glory and honour to Jesus,
Glory, honour, glory and honour to Him.
(1st and 2nd parts)
Keep your light shining brightly
As the darkness covers the earth;
For a people that walk in darkness,
They shall see, they shall see a great light. Now it's your fault if I get this singing round my head all day - battling with MXChart is difficult enough as it is!
--------------------
Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
|
Posted
Great stuff! I never really understood that Christian pop song (sometimes used as "special music") that went:Love crucified a rose What would Love do that for? What had the rose done? And what about "Heavenly Father, we appreciate you"? Talk about damning with faint praise. Next we'll be singing, "Don't you just admire God?" And all those hymns about God being on our side. It's like God sits up in heaven, sees a war or a football match or something going on, and decides whose side to take. ("Hmm. Arsenal hasn't beaten this team all year. We're rooting for Arsenal. Always stick up for the underdog, that's what We say.") And now for something completely different. Being, like Fr. Gregory, of the Orthodox persuasion, we have a few clunkers ourselves. He was too modest to post any, but I shall. We have this just wretched song we sing on Christmas, that goes: When Augustus ruled alone upon the earth
All the nations of the world were brought under one single rule I HATE this one! No they weren't! I want to scream. What about China? What about the Aztecs? Sheeesh! One single rule my chotke! Thanks. That feels much better! Reader Alex
--------------------
This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Siegfried
Ship's ferret
# 29
|
Posted
Don't forget the 23rd Psalm:
Shirley, good Miss Murphy shall follow me...
--------------------
Siegfried
Life is just a bowl of cherries!
Posts: 5592 | From: Tallahassee, FL USA | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Ingeborg S. Nordén
Shipmate
# 894
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
Great stuff! I never really understood that Christian pop song (sometimes used as "special music") that went:Love crucified a rose What would Love do that for? What had the rose done?
I've heard "Up from the grave he arose" butchered similarly (and visualized a rather messy long-stemmed flower emerging from a gravy boat when some people sing that line... ) quote:
And what about "Heavenly Father, we appreciate you"? Talk about damning with faint praise. Next we'll be singing, "Don't you just admire God?"
Already done, at least satirically; I've seen an e-mail message circulating with hymn titles for the less-than-enthusiastic churchgoer, supposedly compiled and approved by "Bishop Luke W. Armm".  Here are a few of them, off the top of my head: - All Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name
- Be Thou My Hobby
- Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
- O for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
quote:
We have this just wretched song we sing on Christmas, that goes:When Augustus ruled alone upon the earth
All the nations of the world were brought under one single rule I HATE this one! No they weren't! I want to scream. What about China? What about the Aztecs? Sheeesh! One single rule my chotke!
The North Germanic peoples (I hesitate to call them "Norsemen" at that early a stage!) definitely weren't under Roman rule either. 
Posts: 188 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
hotpug306
Apprentice
# 979
|
Posted
just thought I'd let you know I havent laughed so much in ages.
thanks for bringing all those memories back from sunday school, and really bad youth camps.
Posts: 5 | From: Sydney, Australia.. | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Justin
Shipmate
# 693
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Spike:
OK, so this is most likely an urban myth, but quite amusing anyway. A couple were getting married and asked the organist to play them out to the theme from "Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves" as it was their favourite song. The organist said that it was unusual, but promised he would do so.On the great day, the couple walked up the aisle to "Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Riding through the glen"
Another story, which must come under the great apologies of our time, number 183, was at the funeral of Eddy Oakley, in Southwark crematorium. When the coffin was to be conveyed behind the curtains to be burnt, his widow had expressed the desire that the tune to "Every time we say goodbye..." should be played on the Organ. Unfortunately, the organist played "When smoke gets in your eyes..."
--------------------
I'm an experimentalist. Please
speak slowly.
Posts: 91 | From: Bucks, UK | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
|
Posted
Anyone here sung “Whether you’re one”??? Trite, pathetic lyrics and actions, even the kids at my church don’t like this one! Here’s the lyrics:Whether you’re 1
Or whether you’re 2
Or 3 or 4 or 5
6 or 7 or 8 or 9
It’s good to be alive! (however, if you’re 10….)
It really doesn’t matter how old you are,
Jesus loves you whoever you are.
Sha la la la la la la la la
Jesus loves us all
(wait for it…) Shooby dooby do
Sha la la la la la la la la
Jesus loves us all Whether you’re big
Or whether you’re small
Or somewhere in between (see, size doesn’t matter…!)
First in the class
Or middle or last,
It’s all the same to him
It really doesn’t matter how clever you are,
Jesus loves you who ever you are
Sha la la la la la la la la
Jesus loves us all
Shooby dooby do
Sha la la la la la la la la
Jesus loves us all (i'm gonna be sick) viki
--------------------
“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
|
Posted
sarkycow, you nearly made me fall off my chair laughing! I'd heard that "God's not dead" song, perhaps 25 years ago, at a charismatic conference - at the time, I thought that the young kids who were singing it were making it up. I had no idea, until today, that it was a "real" hymn. (Too bad that it is!)Anyone of my vintage, with memories of charismatic days, remember "The Dancing Heart"? Oh, the Holy Ghost will set your feet a-dancin',
The Holy Ghost will fill you through and through,
The Holy Ghost will set your feet a-dancin',
and set your heart a-dancin' too. Or how about this one?:
Joy is the flag flying high from the castle of my heart,
from the castle of my heart,
from the castle of my heart,
Joy is the flag flying high from the castle of my heart,
When the King is in residence there. One of the major problems with such songs, of course, is that even when the words (or theology) were dreadful, and the music the type to make a classical singer shake her head, they were such catchy tunes. I know I'm going to be humming them all night just remembering.
--------------------
Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
tomb
Shipmate
# 174
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by sarkycow:
And what about this one? I think it’s Kevin Prosch…not only crappy words, but the tune is up in the rafters somewhere!
all lines in verse are echoed by women)He brought me to his banqueting table ....
Actually, that's a re-do/arrangement of an old American pentecostal song. What could be worse: Take a bad song and through injudicious expansion raise the cringe factor several notches. Sort of like a lot of sequal movies these days, a la The Sixth Sense, part two: "I see more dead people." tomb
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Edward Green
Review Editor
# 46
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by sarkycow:
He brought me to his banqueting table
He brought me to his banqueting table
He brought me to his banqueting table
And his banner
Over me
Is love
I am my beloved’s and He is mine (sexual overtones???????)
Indeed, from the song of songs. A literal translation would be: "He took me into his wine cellar and we had sex." Try singing that next sunday.
--------------------
blog//twitter//
linkedin
Posts: 4893 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Printer-friendly view
]
