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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Great unanswered questions of our time
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Brickbat
Shipmate
# 783
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Posted
Why do clairvoyants have doorbells?
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Life is like an anole...
Sometimes it's green, sometimes it's brown, but always it's a small Caribbean lizard...
Posts: 66 | From: Plymouth, England | Registered: Jul 2001
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LMC
Shipmate
# 86
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Posted
Why is the weather always sunny while I'm at work, but not at the weekend?! 
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hello
Posts: 505 | From: Off the M9 | Registered: May 2001
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
Because, dear Doctor, the clothing is generally porous.
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001
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Emily
Shipmate
# 437
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Posted
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Posts: 86 | From: Oxford | Registered: Jun 2001
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Spike
Mostly Harmless
# 36
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Posted
They also came to the conclusion that toast that landed butter side up had been buttered on the wrong side
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"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing
Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001
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Astro
Shipmate
# 84
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Posted
Do charismatic zen buddists clap with one hand?
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if you look around the world today – whether you're an atheist or a believer – and think that the greatest problem facing us is other people's theologies, you are yourself part of the problem. - Andrew Brown (The Guardian)
Posts: 2723 | From: Chiltern Hills | Registered: May 2001
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Ham'n'Eggs
Ship's Pig
# 629
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Posted
I remember a great suggestion for a monorail design based upon an array of cats (which always land feet-first) strapped to buttered toast (which always lands butterside down) so that they never touch the ground...
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"...the heresies that men do leave / Are hated most of those they did deceive" - Will S
Posts: 3103 | From: Genghis Khan's sleep depot | Registered: Jun 2001
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GabyLeDorque
Shipmate
# 939
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Posted
About Murphy's law, here's a story...This man is the unluckiest person in the world. He has never had a single stroke of good luck in his entire life. Anything wrong that could have happened to him did. So naturally, he's a quite depressed individual and he sees a psychiatrist every day. This one morning, he's having breakfast, he's just done buttering his toast when, of course, it slips and falls on the floor EXCEPT it fell on the non-buttered side! So he's completely extatic, he picks up the toast and runs to his psychiatrist's, storms into the office holding the toast up in the air shouting "Look doctor! The curse is broken! I buttered this toast and it slipped and fell but it fell ON THE NON-BUTTERED SIDE!!!" So the doctor takes the toast from the man's hands, examines it and gives it back to him saying: "I'm sorry. It was buttered on the wrong side." TA-TAAAA!!!!
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Lines you'll never hear in a Western #195 - "You had me at 'Howdy!'"
Posts: 63 | From: San Antonio, TX | Registered: Jul 2001
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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266
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Posted
Murphy was an optimist.
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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp
Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001
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Stephen
Shipmate
# 40
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Posted
Isn't that O'Toole's Law, Nightlamp?
I believe it hasn't yet been falsified!! 
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Best Wishes
Stephen
'Be still,then, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the nations and I will be exalted in the earth' Ps46 v10
Posts: 3954 | From: Alto C Clef Country | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
In Grimm's Fairy Tales, why do the world's strongest man/fastest man/etc. have nothing to do until the hero needs their help?
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
My impression has always been that the hero is the first person to pay proper attention to these guys (possibly because they look nerdy) and so they reveal their gifts to him. Rather like the fairy tales where the heroine shares her crust with an animal which turns out to be the one creature with the power to help her.
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001
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fee
Shipmate
# 1047
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Posted
hey this is so strange, I was jsut reading through thie thread when my boss, obviously hard at work as well  Emailed this through to me! - Some have alerady been posted so apologies! :0)* Why does the sun ligten our hair but darken our skin? * Why can women not put on mascara with their mouths shut? (I don't put mascara on so have no idea how true this is?!!) * Why do you never see the headline "Psychic wins lottery"?
* Why is abbreviated such a long word? * Why is dyslexia so hard to spell? * Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? * Why is it to stop Windows 98 you have to click on start? * Why is the man (lets be PC - person) who invests all your money called a broker? * Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called "Rush Hour"? * Why isn't there any mouse flavoured cat food? * Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?! * Why do they sterilise the needles for a lethal injection? * Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? * Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
There you go... my input!
Love and Hugs
Fee
xxx [2 items removed in light of recent events] [ 16 September 2001: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
Posts: 256 | From: Northampton | Registered: Aug 2001
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