has grown tiresome--off with him!

(besides, i think it'd be funny to keep in the house as long as possible, just to really confuse him.)

"Reality" Programming Reaches New Heights(?) With "Smilie Sister"

Smilie Sister, the Big Brother-inspired series sponsored by the website Ship Of Fools, is practically the definition of "logical conclusion." Various ambiguously-gendered emoticons cavort with the predictability of Dickensian humours for the amusement of any netizen who happens to stumble upon them. Their semi-competent completion of superhuman tasks (despite their having no visible appendages) alternates with their being thrown to the merciless scrutiny of and possible ejection by their viewers.

Here perhaps lies the most interesting aspect of this series--the proverbial mirror to our own faces. So far, there has been no discernible pattern as to which smilie gets ejected. The first victim, , was condemned for being too annoying ("giving brain-dead bimbos a bad name" was one memorable opinion). On the second round of voting, however, Utility took precedence and the mellow-but-unproductive was shown the door. With the last round, attitudes turned 180 degrees-- , the leader-by-default and voice of reason, was ejected for being "too boring."

Oh, stuff it, Mr. I-lectured-on-Existentialism-with-a-rubber-fetish...now, can we get away with any sort of electromagnetism or does it have to be the same wavelengths cucumbers use for photosynthesis?

Of course! We just reverse photosynthesis!

...

One word from you and I drop you where you stand!

'Smilies Bend Laws of Nature'--they would print that even before the topless model!

I wouldn't mind a bit of Time Travel.

I'm sure you'd do anything once!

Doesn't Time Travel require a lot of energy? All we have is this outlet the lamp is plugged in.

We wouldn't have to travel through time--the cucumber by itself would expend far less energy.

But then what would we have for lunch?

THAT DOES IT!!! [loud crashing]

<choking and gargling noises>

Cat got your tongue? He he he.

I told you. I warned you all. Now I'm getting all blotchy and itchy.

You know, if we really did get sunbeams from the cucumber, we could all get serious skin damage from the ultraviolet radiation.

<scratching> I didn't bring any sunblock.

You can get sunburned from a glow-in-the-dark cucumber?

Well - since I'm voting against the bad guy in the election suppose I'd better vote against the bad guy here too - has to go.

task: find the lost city of atlantis?

Must vote for to be evicted - just a matter of time before s/he explodes!

Not for the next round, but maybe a later one:

we need to keep and in, people! let's see what disasters we can cause!!!

Oh no, I can't cope with the pressure!
Get a Life you wimp!

Strange child. Ha har, this will sink 's boat! (dumps ten ton weight into Furious's boat)

Just wait till he comes back, he'll be worse than ever!

Beautiful, baby, beautiful!

I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!

Please sit down! The boat is rocking!

...8,9,10. OK...but somebody else better go, or else...

Well...I once accidentally gave away the ending to "Presumed Innocent."

Oh, big deal! His wife did it! I give it away all the time--it was even part of a skit on "The Kids In The Hall!"

But what about the water pressure and getting The Bends if you come back up too quickly?--

Never mind that! Just do something useful and think of another deus ex machina in case my dive (though it sure as Hell better) doesn't pan out--AND DON'T YOU DARE TRY USING IT TILL I GET BACK!

<splash>

<pause>

Well...

Well what?

You know...

Well, isn't Disney releasing a movie about Atlantis? Doesn't their advertising even say "Discover the Lost Continent?"

Too long. Too long.

What was it we were supposed to put in the washing machine if this happened?

I have a sinking feeling about this. Like the time I accidentally felt wind coming on during communion. It was silent, but everyone knew. I know they knew.

Well, that's not one I can get on the camera....but it might still do for a small sidebar story.

<sputters, gasps for air, gulps, spits up saltwater, sputters, tries to yell, continues in this behavior for several moments, floundering all the while>

Maybe we should ask Norman about the washing machine.

I found something!!

<CLUNK!>

Um...what exactly is it?

Could be pottery, could be metal, could be coral, could have fallen off of a boat somehow--

<muttering> Shut up shut up shut up it's proof it's proof it's proof--

While you were gone--

<frantic signalling by the other two not to go on>

--we found all this neat Atlantis stuff!

If didn't have apoplexy, we still have four smilies, but one has to go.

Maddie