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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: The Miss SoF Pageant
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Lola
Ship's kink
# 627
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Posted
Contestant Number (what are we up to???...) 20 ish [19] has unfortunately had to enter in her lunch hour and has come direct from the office.
She is wearing a dark suit (red and purple are unacceptable colours, there are many different shades of navy, ladies) and has gone for a straight knee length skirt since its a bit more conservative.
Her shoes are low heeled court shoes (open toes and slingbacks being verboten) and she wears sheer tights (maximimun dernier is 40, opaque tights do not present a professional image to clients). She has as recommended brought a spare pair in her handbag in case of ladders.
She strides down the catwalk and slips off her jacket so the judges can admire her blouse and appreciate that not only is she not bare legged (absolutley not permitted) neither is she sleeveless! (This would be almost as bad)
She wears lipstick as this is the minimum of cosmetic application which will be deem her face to be made up (and you should be aware at the start of your careers that women who wear make up earn 20% more than women who don't)
She waves her calculator and red pen at the judges and flashes a smile secure in the knowledge that the leather clad dominatrix cannot be even half a frightening as she is in her auditor clothes!
She turns and spins confident that her attire would probably be appropriate for a formal audience with the Pope which for some reason appears to be the standard the dress code aims for.
[ 23 July 2002, 16:46: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
Posts: 951 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2001
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sharkshooter
Not your average shark
# 1589
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Posted
I can hardly wait to see what contestant #18 wears for the swimsuit competition!
Posts: 7772 | From: Canada; Washington DC; Phoenix; it's complicated | Registered: Oct 2001
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
As the music sounds for the next contestant ( 20 as I start typing ), a leg appears around the curtains. A hairy leg. Not sexy and hairy, more nerdy and hairy. The foot at the end of this leg is in a shoe that would be acceptable at school.
The contestant appears slowly, revealing more leg then anyone really wants to see, until finally a rather short skirt appears ( Dark red ). Followed by the rest of the body, which would appear to be male, judging by the unshaven look.
The contestants belly is held in by a rather revealing silk blouse, although what is revealed is not suitable for these pages. Surfice to say it contains a lot of beer. The delicate pink on the blouse is set off by the aubergine handbag and lime green hat.
The contestant stomps down the walkway in a style that could never be called elegant. Talking the microphone, a rather deep ( in a 10-a-day style, rather than hunky ) says :
"I wanna win, cos I've never won anyfink in me life. And I fink world peace would be a good idea"
He - er she - er the contestant walks off, scratching where one shouldn't be scratched.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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The Mid
Officer and a gentleman
# 1559
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Posted
The Mid walks on stage in his uniform....all eyes leave the contestants to focus on this incredible gorgeous and sexy specimen they see before them. As the judges prepare to abandon all other contestants and award the crown to him (even though he is not a Miss) he stops, politely refuses the crown and goes off in search of Dolphy....he has dinner to go with the champagne!! ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
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For God so loved the world She got involved
Posts: 3022 | From: The Wardroom | Registered: Oct 2001
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
Oh Mid, Oh Mid, I'm here... ready and awaiting you!!! The moment you walked in the room, I could see you were a man of distinction, so good looking, so refined.... pop - oohh the champagne is opened.... so, Mid, the competition is obviously over, I have already won! But let's give the others a chance... when do we get to do the swim suit round?!!! Oh Mid... come over here...... !!! ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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QLib
Bad Example
# 43
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
Lady 1: But No. 14. Pet- Love- Pet- she'd be the only one I'd be happy for my Christopher to bring home.
Yeah, Cosmo gets my vote, too. ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
[bows]
Miss Dolphy, may I present The Mid?
The Mid, Miss Dolphy.
[leaves with relief that his Rudolf Valentino suave stud image hasn't been tried and found wanting]
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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The Mid
Officer and a gentleman
# 1559
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Posted
Coot, you are too harsh on yourself. You could never be found wanting... ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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For God so loved the world She got involved
Posts: 3022 | From: The Wardroom | Registered: Oct 2001
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The Mid
Officer and a gentleman
# 1559
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Posted
*Sips his champagne*
Thanks Dolphy. Why don't we slip over to Tigglet's Dating Agency thread (which has become a flirtfest) and discuss you winning.....
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For God so loved the world She got involved
Posts: 3022 | From: The Wardroom | Registered: Oct 2001
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
(Charges the Mid's glass with more champagne and offers him some tempting nibbles )
So when does the next round start?!!!! I am dying to try on my new cozy!
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
Ladies in front row knitting:
Lady 1: Oooooh Pet! There's another one that's let 'erself go. No. 20, feast your eyes.
Lady 2: Love! Poor dear! Do ya think it's the menopause?
Lady 1: Let me just look at the program, pet. Oooooh. Pet, pet, pet. She's the male-identified-but-asserting-his-rights-to-wear-dresses transgender entry.
Lady 2: Oooh lovely, love. Isn't it nice how we welcome all types?
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
(Aside) Actually, Qlib and Ann at least have the courage of their convictions and are not ashamed that they don't match up to traditional patriarchal expectations of the female image. They are role models for us all. I find them strangely empowering. I wonder if they'd be up for a cup of herbal tea and a chat about consciousness-raising in my dressing room?
Very vulgar, that No 17, covered in all those diamonds. Wonder how she got them. Must ask, in case I am missing out on something. Bet she can't sit down comfortably in that dress.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT EXPLAINING HOW MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS 2002 WILL BE CHOSEN
After the deadline to appear in the Opening Act has passed (in 5-6 hours), a secret poll will be posted. Each voter will be able to grant a point to 5 contestants. After 24 hours, the scores will be saved to be combined with the Talent Scores.
After the Talent Round (July 25-26), another secret poll will be posted. Each voter will again be able to grant a point to 5 contestants. After 24 hours, the Talent scores will multiplied by 2 (as this is an enlightened contest) and then added to the Opening Act scores ((T*2)+OA). The top 10-12 scorers (exact number to be determined by final number of contestants, which is now at 21) will advance to the Semi-Final Question/Response Round.
The Semi-Finalists will have two days (July 28-29) to respond the announced Question. The third Secret Poll will then be posted; voters will be able to award points to 2 contestants. The Question/Response scores will added to the totals and the 5 top scorers will advance to the Final Swimsuit Round.
In the Swimsuit Round (July 31), the Finalists will describe their aquatic wear and close with their favorite famous quotes. The last secret poll will then be set up; voters will then vote for one contestant as winner. These scores will be added to the totals and the final announcements (starting with Fourth-Runner-Up up to Winner) will then be made.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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blackbird
Shipmate
# 1387
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Posted
(sharkshooter...being out of sync is my overall air )
good luck ladies (etc.)...some of you could lure a dog off a meatwagon!
Posts: 1236 | From: usa | Registered: Sep 2001
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sharkshooter
Not your average shark
# 1589
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by blackbird:
..some of you could lure a dog off a meatwagon!
and some of them would scare it off!
Posts: 7772 | From: Canada; Washington DC; Phoenix; it's complicated | Registered: Oct 2001
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Rossweisse
High Church Valkyrie
# 2349
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Posted
Very well, then. The next contestant (No. 20?) [21] decides to maintain the Valkyrie motif she came in with, even though she's too small for it -- she started life as a Mozart-Rossini singer -- and has since gone over to the Dark Side to work as a music critic. (So much for the leathery dominatrix types, at least for those who know what's TRULY scary!)
She is clad in classic Valkyrie garb: royal blue top -- open for a touch of decollete -- and mid-calf skirt with a tastefully understated dragon-motif breastplate. She has unbraided her flaxen hair for the occasion and topped it with her best swan-winged helmet. (Save the horns for Hagar.) Lace-up short boots show a bit of leg and provide support: as Birgit Nilsson knows, the main thing that's required for long-winded opera is a pair of comfortable shoes.
Like any proper Valkyrie, ours carries a spear that is considerably taller than she is, but which weighs considerably less. (When you really want your stage gestures to count...) A handsome shield completes her ensemble.
She strides onto the stage in proper Valkyrie mode, utters a hearty, "Ho-yo-to-ho-O!" -- then whips out her critic's notebook and a pen, and commences reviewing the judges, all with a notably commanding air for one so petite.
Rossweisse // if the pen really is mightier than the sword, then I'm in good shape
[ 24 July 2002, 02:11: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
Posts: 15117 | From: Valhalla | Registered: Feb 2002
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Contestants may spend the day practising their acts for the Talent Round while voting takes place.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Robert Porter-Miller
Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459
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Posted
After my swimsuit round, I think that my evening-wear should really attest to my femininity. My long blond hair wig looks like my natural colour, my tight evening wear shows off my stunning curves and my high heels give me another couple of inches.
I do indeed look ravishing
Posts: 1231 | From: Washington, D.C. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
(Very vulgar, that No 17, covered in all those diamonds. Wonder how she got them. Must ask, in case I am missing out on something. Bet she can't sit down comfortably in that dress.
You know it was a toss-up whether I go in for diamonds or sing in the choir. The choir lost.
Honey, I go from standing to lying. With nothing in between.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Belisarius:
Contestants may spend the day practising their acts for the Talent Round while voting takes place.
Well if I practiced mine in public then the other contestants would steal my ideas!!! Let's just say that my body is a theme park!!!
(runs off in search of the Mid once more!!!)
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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The Mid
Officer and a gentleman
# 1559
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Dolphy:
[QUOTE] Let's just say that my body is a theme park!!!
(runs off in search of the Mid once more!!!)
I don't know if I should share with you the first thing that came into my head
I'm here Dolphy, you know where to find me!!!
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For God so loved the world She got involved
Posts: 3022 | From: The Wardroom | Registered: Oct 2001
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Sigmund
Shipmate
# 3002
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Posted
Here I am in all my glory. Combat boots and Marks and Sparks y-fronts. Yeah, baby!!! ![[Cool]](cool.gif) I must do a Viennese whirl... (contestant no. 19 sweeps imperiously on to centre stage, realises that contestant number is on upside and exits in confusion as possible contestant no. 61) ![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
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We have no money so we shall have to think.
Rutherford
Posts: 212 | From: somewhere in England | Registered: Jul 2002
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
TO: CONTESTANT #61
Dear Contestant #61,
It has come to our attention that you made your initial appearance at the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant significantly past the start of our first round of voting. We at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. are sorry if personal circumstances caused your late arrival, but I regret to inform you that you will not be eligible for Opening Number Points.
You may still continue to participate in the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant if you accept the, while not insurmountable, still-significant handicap of having no Opening Number Points. Please note that your voluntary appearance in the Talent Round within its specified time period will make such an acceptance binding, thereby absolving Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. from any liability due to real or perceived emotional trauma or loss of income.
Should you decide to continue to participate in the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant, we wish you the best of luck.
Sincerely,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
The Opening Act votes (in the Poll and one PM) have been secured.
At the moment, we have 21 contestants, Qlib having announced her withdrawl on the Poll.
It's now time for the
THE TALENT ROUND
To be included in the voting for Talent Points, contestants must perform by the end of July 26. There will be 10 Semi-Finalists if no ties occur after the Talent Round Voting; if there are ties, there will be 9 to 11 Semi-Finalists, depending on where the ties occur.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
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Posted
Done deal Espically as someone tried to enter me already - the cheek ... ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
I turn up looking like Fenella Fielding in "Carry On Screaming" - long black hair, pretty face and red velvet dress My voice is smoky as I sing a beautiful torch like Edith Piaf
Which number am I again ...
Tubbs
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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Chorister - her with the angel wings and brilliant smile, remember - regrets to inform you that she is unable to display any talent unless it is part of teamwork. It is rather hard to sing in four-part harmony on your own, and also rather difficult to play 12 handbells as a solo.
So, for this round, let me introduce my backing group <ahem> sorry, I mean teammates.
Cue beautiful rendition of 'Locus iste', 'Panis Angelicus' and 'Beati Quorum Via', followed by a medley of traditional hymns and folk songs on the handbells (wasn't the alto line beautifully sung, and the notes B and A expressively chimed? That was me, folks!)
Adjusts halo, unfolds wings, and flutters backstage, still humming 'O for the wings of a dove'............... ![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif)
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sigmund
Shipmate
# 3002
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Posted
My apologies to the organisers for being so late. I took a wrong turn, went out into the street and had to negotiate my way out of a police cell. I would like to put forward my genius, good looks, startling undergarments, my overwhelming need for world domination and my touching modesty forward for your consideration. ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
No? I've got double jointed thumbs....
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We have no money so we shall have to think.
Rutherford
Posts: 212 | From: somewhere in England | Registered: Jul 2002
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blackbird
Shipmate
# 1387
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Posted
did someone say corrupted?
(lights dim waaaay down, fire shoots up on the stage in various places, red strobes flash around audience to the tune of alice cooper's "eighteen")
i enter wearing a 20 foot boa constrictor wrapped discreetly around my bod as i cartwheel to the lyrics ending with a colossal split on the last line:
"i'm eighteen and I LIKE IT!"
fire subsides, smoke clouds the air
(don't go away, i'm not done yet)
blue and white lights create a heavenly atmosphere as i rise from the ashes having been quickly sprayed with super glue and dusted with down feathers for my finale, roller blading to swan lake.
as i crumple in a heap, a member of my staff planted in the audience holds up a sign that reads on one side:
JOHN 3:16
on the other:
FREE FOOD AND DRINKS IN THE LOBBY
Posts: 1236 | From: usa | Registered: Sep 2001
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Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
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Posted
FREE FOOD AND DRINKS IN THE LOBBY forget that darling, I've already bribed 'em with COCKTAILS
Tubbs
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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
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Blue
Shipmate
# 3067
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Posted
Blue sits in the audience wearing a badge: "Vote For Sale"
Posts: 113 | From: sunk without trace | Registered: Jul 2002
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
The lights dim as Contestant Number One reappears on the stage wearing a very beautiful claret red dress. It is made of silk and very plain and yet stunning - more appropriate tonight than her original backless, strapless, leaving-nothing-for-the-imagination dress that she wore for the first round.
The audience is silent as she prepares to play her violin... the orchestra begins the introduction.... She closes her eyes and as she draws her bow over the strings she wows the audience with the music 'Some Enchanted Evening'... it is as if she is making love to the music... the sounds from her violin is Heavenly and even the angels weep with emotion.... as the music comes to an end she stands for a moment, the audience is silent... a minute later a gasp from the audience and then deafening applause, she bows to the audience, and then to the judges.... She walks slowly off stage...
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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Robert Porter-Miller
Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459
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Posted
Contestant 3 appears - yes she is very talented - I will play Mozart's Horn Concerto on my Bari. Sax - the crowd goes wild. I then proceed to show off my juggling by throwing lots of balls around in the air and catching them. The audience are speechless. Then it's onto my unicycle and exit stage left.
All singing all dancing all woman me!
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It's a beautiful day - don't let it get away - Bono and the boys
Let's all "Release Some Tension"
Posts: 1231 | From: Washington, D.C. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Having seen some of the other contestants, Ariel has decided to go for the old family favourite, handed down from mother to daughter throughout the generations, of sawing a (male) volunteer from the audience into tiny bits, while simultaneously eating fire and performing astonishing card tricks. She then finishes with a graceful gesture that releases a flock of pigeons into the air that swoop and dive over the audience’s heads, depositing a shower of gold coins on them in a completely shameless attempt to buy their votes. Apart from inadvertently setting the front row of the audience on fire (which consumes the copy of Fishnet Weekly that the man in the grubby yellow raincoat is reading), and discovering that the (male) volunteer has a bit left over after reassembly, it all goes rather well.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Blue
Shipmate
# 3067
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Posted
(astonished) Hey! What do I do with this?
Posts: 113 | From: sunk without trace | Registered: Jul 2002
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Darling, if you don't know what that bit does by now, you probably never will.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Blue
Shipmate
# 3067
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Posted
OoooH! (blushes)
Posts: 113 | From: sunk without trace | Registered: Jul 2002
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clare
Contributing Editor
# 17
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Posted
[contestant 10]
Where do I stand?.. oh, here, and is there a plug point near… I’ll just need to use the adapter so if you can just hang on a tic… there we go… ready to start.
Today I will be making a fresh mug of tea. Now, there’s been a lot of discussion in my family, and yours I’m sure, about whether teabags are acceptable when you have guests round, or whether it is important always to make a fresh pot with proper leaves. Of course, if the Queen was coming to tea, then I think we’d all be making up a pot and that would be the end of it. But that really doesn’t happen very often does it? (pause for polite laughter) so today I’ll be demonstrating tea making using tea bags since they’re just so convenient, I don’t know how we used to manage without them.
So, while I’ve been talking my mini travel kettle has been boiling… of course normally I’d use a normal kitchen kettle but sometimes you have to improvise and I find this does the job perfectly adequately, though you do have to wait a little bit longer as it’s not quite as powerful. Also while I’m waiting I’m taking the teabag out of the container (I’ve got Tetleys in here, but choose whatever brand you are happiest with, though I personally wouldn’t touch the supermarket brand teabags with a bargepole - if you’re tempted I think you need to ask yourself what are you saving the money for?) So, in with the tea-bag like that – can the camera see it there if I just tip the mug? I nestle it down at the bottom but not so packed in that the water can’t circulate.
The kettle has switched off automatically now it’s boiling… and this is the bit where you need to move with some speed… I’m taking the kettle – just be careful of the lead won’t you – and pouring the boiling water into the mug. You don’t need me to tell you that it’s essential that the water is absolutely boiling at this point. Then I’m just going to take a teaspoon and move the teabag round a bit – my friend from Lancashire, Mrs Packer, – though she now lives down the road - likes to ‘mush’ hers, but I think a gentle swirl usually does the trick. And then I’m going to take out the teabag… just put it on the side and I’ll take it home for the compost later.. and add the milk. Again, some people prefer to add the milk before the water, but I think when you are using teabags that the boiling water then mixes with the milk before it swooshes round the teabag and it’s not quite boiling anymore so I wouldn’t recommend it myself. And I do alter the amount of milk I put in depending on the strength of the tea so putting the milk in last works well on all counts I find.
So there we have it, a wonderful mug of tea, a nice cheerful shade of brown and the perfect pick-you-up. (shall I just walk off stage this way?) I shall enjoy in the dressing room. Cherio!
Posts: 2317 | From: edge of the peak district | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
TO: MRS. TUBBS
Dear Mrs. Tubbs,
Please accept our apologies over the confusion regarding your participation in Miss SoF 2002 Pageant. Although I regret to inform you that you do not have any Opening Number Points, you are welcome to be a candidate in the Talent Round Vote as Contestant #22. Please note that by particpating you agree that Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. is not to be held liable for any real or perceived emotional trauma or loss of income.
We at the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant wish you the best of luck.
Sincerely,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Dave the Bass
Shipmate
# 155
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Clare:
I’ve got Tetleys in here
What? Not using fair-trade tea! ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
I'm surprised at you, Clare.
Posts: 2162 | From: In a forest | Registered: May 2001
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
“Talent … talent …” contestant 94 peers worriedly around the curtain, hoping to spot the Trading Standards Officer asleep. Ah! It’s OK, that’s her – the lady caught up in the altercation between the gentleman with the terminally singed copy of “Fishnet Weekly” and the security guard with the fire extinguisher. And between the description of ‘gentleman’ to the sorry looking specimen in the decidedly grubby mac and that of ‘fire extinguisher’ to the stirrup-pump and bucket of water, she’s going to be a while.
So, which of her many talents (this word only to be used out of the hearing of the Trading Standards Officer) shall she attempt to dazzle the audience with. Now is probably not the time to show how wrong the whole of the fourth form were by singing and the audience is just a little too far away to benefit from the exhibition display of fivestones (with a pretty mean ‘no-bounce’ if I do say it myself). Computer programming is hardly a spectator event and there are few points for style in reading ‘The Lord of the Rings’ (silently) even with the interest generated by the film. Even when done in thirty minutes (knocking two days off the previous record).
Contestant 94 decides on a comic monologue and steps onto the stage dressed as a craftsman from the last century (or Compo Simmonite if you want to be picky). She gives a spirited rendition of Three Ha’pence a Foot with an accent you could cut with a spoon and one, moreover, which travels the length and breadth of the country, thus aliena … sorry, including everyone in the audience. Whilst waiting for the enthusiastic applause, contestant 94 considers an encore, but frantic signalling from her agent persuades her to take a bow and depart whilst the going’s good.
Obviously, with a contestant of the calibre of number 94, bribes would be a waste of good money; but changing into a shabby business suit with a discreet badge saying “Miss SoF 2002, Judge” she makes her way to the refreshment area confident of a good meal and extra pocket money.
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Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Belisarius:
FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
TO: MRS. TUBBS
Dear Mrs. Tubbs,
Please accept our apologies over the confusion regarding your participation in Miss SoF 2002 Pageant. Although I regret to inform you that you do not have any Opening Number Points, you are welcome to be a candidate in the Talent Round Vote as Contestant #22. Please note that by particpating you agree that Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. is not to be held liable for any real or perceived emotional trauma or loss of income.
We at the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant wish you the best of luck.
Sincerely,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.
Done deal
Tubbs
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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
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splosh
Shipmate
# 2743
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Posted
Contestant number 5, walks on to the stage, in doc martin red boots, red and black tartan tights, a short black dress, and a white coat over the top. A pair of goggles are balanced on her head, and a pair of gloves in the coats pocket. She is pulling a small silver dewar on wheels behind her.
On the stage is a large mixing bowl, a wooden spoon and a carton of ice cream mix.
From the dewar, she pours some liquid nitrogen, which has the effect of sending smoke over the stage.
She then puts the goggles and gloves on, and starts to pour the liquid nitrogen into the bowl, followed by the ice cream mix, then stirs v. hard. Adds a little more liquid nitrogen, and in less than five minutes, has ice cream.
WHich she put into ice cream cones, with a flake, and handed out to the audience. It is amazing the talent of a physicist.
Smiles sweetly at the audience (praying that at least the other physicist will vote for her, otherwise, she might have to take the rocket he is carrying use it at this event )
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Just remember you are one of God's special people
Posts: 1371 | From: Slightly less north than before | Registered: May 2002
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
Contestant #9 comes back out wearing a stunning tux, but made for a woman. Her hair is swept up in a most chic glazed style...diamond earring drip from her ears. She walks out smiling nice pink plastic smile...teeth shinning and silence as the audience watches her walk over to the piano.
She sits down...flips the page and plays "Raindrop Prelude" by Chopin with such passion, such finesse....people are openly weaping. After she is done, she says looks at the camera and says "That was for you, Troy, thank you for just being you." [I do love making Troy fall apart stammering and blushing] She gets up and 3 roses are thrown in front of her, people start clapping...standing ovation...2 more roses thrown...she picks them up to give them to her mother.
As she walks off into the distance...a male voice wistfully says..."I wish I would have gotten her number when I had the chance..."
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Rowen
Shipmate
# 1194
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Posted
The talent round…
Rowen is in her element here…
Her act is as follows-
1.She turns up the ballroom heating to
37.c
2.She pumps moist air into the room.
3.She ensures that the tin roof is cleared of debris, and organises God to empty the heavens and begin a rain/thunder/hail storm.
4.She conducts a liturgically tasteful, yet liberal protestant service of worship, with both communion and baptism.
5.The power cuts out at a predetermined point, thus ensuring the sound system goes kaput, yet Rowen does not falter. Her voice is sure and strong, and can occasionally be heard over the storm.
Rowen thus proves to you all how Christianity spread to the tropical zones of the globe- well at least in Queensland.
At the conclusion of the mid-summer- possibly Christmas Service- Rowen’s hand is shaken by her support crew, who murmur endearingly “Do you think the drought is broken now, after 5 years?”
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"May I live this day… compassionate of heart" (John O’Donoghue)...
Posts: 4897 | From: Somewhere cold in Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
<Smarmy Host>
Ladies and Gentlemen, due to extraordinary circumstances, we are allowing one more latecomer to participate in the Talent Round. Our next Contestant was the star of the Story Relay Thread, which was, through some tragic accident, cancelled just hours ago. Please welcome Contestant #23, Sheila the Hamster!
<The stage lights hit Sheila, who is langourously curled inside a martini glass, pretending to smoke from a tiny candy cigarette. Immersed in her role, she exudes an air of world-weary cynicism amazing in a domestic rodent. As a boom mike is lowered, she launches into, in a voice hinting at a history of too many cigarettes and whiskey, Stephen Sondheim's "The Ladies Who Lunch">
Here's to the ladies who lunch--
Everybody laugh.
Lounging in their caftans and planning a brunch,
On their own behalf...
If only for the sheer novelty, the audience is mesmerized. Enthusiastic applause greets the song's end.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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The Mid
Officer and a gentleman
# 1559
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Posted
The Mid seems to be stuck in a trance, as if he has been affected in some way by Dolphy's beautiful violin. Nothing seems real anymore, life seems a daze, the only thing real being the music...and the gorgeous creature that produced it.
*I would say now is the perfect time to make your move Dolphy *
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For God so loved the world She got involved
Posts: 3022 | From: The Wardroom | Registered: Oct 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
(Aside) This contest is clearly rigged. They usually are, but I really can't believe one of the judges is actually entering as a singing hamster, and thinks we won't notice.
Should have asked for any hamster volunteers from the audience when it was my turn. Will remember this for next time ... or after the contest if that thing wins.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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candleinthedark
Shipmate
# 2361
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Posted
Candle in the Dark strolls onto the stage, now wearing a short kilt (the attractive colours of the "Gunn" tartan match her sparkling eyes) and an embroidered bodice. She is carrying a venerable and valuable violin and bow.
In the background a collection of able musicians set up, they are smartly dressed.
CitD tunes up and begins the first of several pieces, it is Vivaldi's "Summer" concerto, played faultlessly. "Anyone can play that!" is muttered from somewhere backstage, but it becomes evident that CitD is not finshed yet.
Pausing for the band to find their places she launches into a celtic slow air. The "Green Loch" is a beautiful, lilting tune, played with such perfection that the audience, especially the judges are held as if mesmorised.
As the "Green Loch" finishes the music changes seemlessly into a fast reel, and all are astounded at the fireworks that appear to reside in the violinist's fingers. As the band continue to play she puts her instrument down delicately and starts to dance: Think highland fling, think riverdance think ...
... well, let's just say that this contestant has shown herself adept at everything she turns herself to.
As the audience applauds, the contestant gestures at the band showing her appreciation of their role, and in doing so displaying humility to add to her numerous other virtues.
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There is no situation so chaotic that God cannot from that situation create something that is surpassingly good. He did it at the creation. He did it at the cross. He is doing it today.
... Bishop Handley Moule
Posts: 70 | From: Leicestershire, UK | Registered: Feb 2002
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Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
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Posted
Oh crap ... you're all far to good for me ![[Mad]](mad.gif) Okay, who do I need to slee... er ... do Bible Study with to win this thing
Tubbs
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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
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