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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: The Miss SoF Pageant
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
Contestant 20's particular talent is being able to fart the national anthem.
Ready ....
[the contestant proceeds, resulting in the emptying of thefront rows.]
I can do "Scotland the brave" too, if you want? I'll just have to go an eat another tin of beans.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
Old ladies. Now in side aisles knitting:
Lady 1 [opening thermos flask]: Pet, would you like a cup of tea?
Lady 2: Ohhhhh love! There's not enough tea in the world!
Lady 1: Where did that hamster come from pet?
Lady 2: I dunno. But I think I know where it went love.
Lady 1: Where's that, pet?
Lady 2: Let's just say it crawled up somewhere and died. Love.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
The blue velvet drapes rise.
#17 is standing against a backdrop of a depicting the Wild West - a panorama of pairie, mesa, Rocky Mountains, bison, Apache, US cavalry, wagon trains, prospectors, saloons, corrals, cowboys, gunslingers, Commanche, Cheyenne, log cabins, the Alamo etc etc
However, all are thrown into utter insignificance by the figure at the front of the stage. Clad in a red satin dress, and wearing in the spectacular decolletage a single ruby. The effect is of a sunset reflecting in a lake lying between alps. More rubies hang from her ears, and encircle the arms, which are covered to above the elbow in black lace gloves.
The full lips open, and a deep but luscious voice sings
Frankie and Johnie were lovers
Gawd how they could love:
Swore they'd be true to each other
True as the stars above
As she sang, she shimmied slowly down the catwalk. Somewhere at the back of the hall, champagne bottles popped spontaneously. Seismometers, catching the tigerish vibrato, trembled and scribbled wildly on their graphs. Everywhere, thermostats fluctuated wildly.
This story has no moral
This story has no end:
This story only goes to show
There ain't no good in men
Chunks the size of Wales fell off the ice caps into a fizzing sea. Migrating birds flew round in circles.
He was her man, but he done her wrong
A small tsunami swallowed the Netherlands. Etna erupted. All of nature went for a lie down.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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zandolit
Shipmate
# 346
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Posted
Zandolit (contestant number 11) steps out onto the stage, looking somewhat puzzled and confused at being here again. She is wearing an outfit very similar to the one she wore during the first round, except instead of a damp orange tank top, she is wearing a damp yellow one, and tan cargo pants instead of olive green. She glances around the stage at the unfamiliar surroundings, put off by the bright lights and cameras. But then her eyes light upon some familiar objects placed on a table in the centre of the stage. Ah! Here is something she knows!
On the table are a small but sharp knife, some plastic grafting tape, clippers, parafilm, a little plastic baggie, a twist tie, some rubbing alcohol, a potted avocado seedling and last but not least, in a jar of water, a piece of avocado wood with swollen buds at just the right stage.
Brushing the hair from her face, and once again completely unaware that she is leaving smudges of dirt on her glistening cheeks, she sits down at the table, disinfects her tools, and ruthlessly clips the top off the avocado seedling, prompting gasps from the audience. Then her hands move quickly, making a cut here and a cut there, faster than the eye can see. When the flurry of activity is over, we can see that she has indeed grafted an avocado tree! Zandolit is clearly satisfied with her handiwork, and confident that this little tree will be producing delicious fruit if not this time next year, then the following year.
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Senye, nou kontan se ou kap kenbe nou e se pa nou kap kenbe ou
Posts: 185 | From: Britain's oldest recorded town | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
Can I make my talent using a small Ford Ka to take out a Landrover and a French Mercedes lorry? Go on...
Ok then, I'll think of something else. Please may I have an extension, as I've got an awful lot to do, and the contest is closing tonight?
Viki
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
TO: CONTESTANT #2 (SARKYCOW)
Dear Contestant #2,
We have received your request to extend the Talent Round of the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant. Especially as there are other contestants who have not yet performed, we will happily extend the Talent Round into July 27. We hope you can make an appearance by that date; the Talent Round will be closed on the end of that day or when all contestants have appeared, whichever comes first.
We Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. wish you luck in resolving your difficulties and continued success in the Pageant.
Sincerely,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Pheonix
Twisted fire starter
# 2782
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Posted
Hmmmmm this all sounds a bit like miss congeniality.... *grins* All we need is the bomb plot to make it complete....
Posts: 2384 | From: on the move. | Registered: May 2002
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
FOR GENERAL DISTRIBUTION
FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
RE: TALENT ROUND
The following Contestants have not yet appeared in the Talent Round:
# 2 Sarkycow
# 8 Viola
#13 Cliona
#14 Fr. Buskin
#16 Zealous Convert
#19 Lola
#21 Rossweisse
If you are one of the above Contestants, please try to make an appearance before the end of July 27.
Thank you,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Mrs Tubbs:
Oh crap ... you're all far to good for me ![[Mad]](mad.gif) Okay, who do I need to slee... er ... do Bible Study with to win this thing ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
Tubbs
Don't worry, I feel the same. We just add some spice to the whole thing.
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Rossweisse
High Church Valkyrie
# 2349
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Posted
#21 hurries onto the stage, just a little short of breath.
Sorry, Belisarius -- I've been involved in a Major Family Crisis regarding getting my aged and infirm aunt into assisted living, whence she does not wish to go, and whence she is scheduled to move on Monday. (But I talked her into it, and now I'm sending the Spousal Unit 1,200 miles to oversee and soothe.)
This is the truth, and not just a ploy to gain sympathy points. But I'll take 'em if they're available.
Okay, yeah, talent.
Our contestant has exactly two talents, singing and writing. She begins by performing a medley of great music from opera (Rosina, Cherubino, Octavian) and the Anglican church music tradition (Vaughn Williams, Stanford, Howells). In exchange for a promise of a higher rating, she refrains from including any of Mary Baker Eddy's Greatest Hits in the songfest.
She then pens a funny, fair but scathing review of herself (lingering on certain breath control issues, apparently due to having to hurry on stage), spellchecks it, and gets it to the copy desk in record time.
Well, at least it's not baton twirling.
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I'm not dead yet.
Posts: 15117 | From: Valhalla | Registered: Feb 2002
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
Contestant 20's particular talent is being able to fart the national anthem.
Ready ....
[the contestant proceeds, resulting in the emptying of thefront rows.]
I can do "Scotland the brave" too, if you want? I'll just have to go an eat another tin of beans.
Dang it, you be one sick puppy! Da nerve!
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
At least the SoF's answer to The Great Petomane didn't attempt to scorch a Tudor rose on the wall. We must be grateful for small mercies.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Ultraspike
Incensemeister
# 268
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Posted
Fr. Buskin, I think you must sing your signature tune, "O Happy Pyx". That will show them.
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A cowgirl's work is never done.
Posts: 2732 | From: NYC | Registered: May 2001
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Sigmund
Shipmate
# 3002
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Posted
And the winner is....contestant no. 61!!!! ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif) (Huge applause) Oh, Thank you, thank you. Is that the Miss SoF crown - it's so pretty. Yes, I'll look after and the cup.. and the million dollars... and the house, car (wakes with a start).
I'm on! ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) Ladies and Gentleman, contestant no. 61 (new Marks and Sparks underwear in position) Strides on stage to the sound of "Simply the Best".
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We have no money so we shall have to think.
Rutherford
Posts: 212 | From: somewhere in England | Registered: Jul 2002
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blackbird
Shipmate
# 1387
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Posted
(brief intermission as sheila strolls down the aisles among the audience selling apples from a basket, tucking bills between her furry cleavage while singing..."He gave me violets for my furs....")
(note to self...investigate marks and sparks underwear)
Posts: 1236 | From: usa | Registered: Sep 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
Delivery boy: 'Ah 'scuse me. A man in a mac asked me to give you this'
Compere: 'Oh, hm. It looks to be a cassette with 'Fr Buskin' written on it. Let's play it shall we?
[Sensorama-surroundo-multivox-system comes alive to a fine refined English tenor voice:]
"O happy Pyx! O happy Pyx!
Where Jesus doth his dwelling fix;
O little Palace dear and bright,
Where He, who is the world's true light
Spends all the day, and stays all night.
Ah! if my heart could only be
A little home for Him, like thee,
Such fires my happy soul would move,
I could not help but die of love!"
[The music dies away and all that can be heard are moist emotional sniffs from the audience. A gentleman in a suit and tie walks up angrily and dumps a pail of manure on the stage.]
Compere: Well, the Sydney judge is clearly unimpressed with that effort.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
The Cleanup Crew is earning its money...
The Talent Round Voting Poll is now being set up. Unfortunately, Viola, Cliona, Zealous Convert, and Lola did not make an appearance for this round, and Sarkycow's talent will have to remain her vehicular mishap.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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The Mid
Officer and a gentleman
# 1559
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Posted
I can't believe how talented the ladies on the ship are!!
We should go commercial with this next time.
Incidentalyl, just who does own the rights to this competition....maybe I can sell them??
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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For God so loved the world She got involved
Posts: 3022 | From: The Wardroom | Registered: Oct 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
[Sorry for the delay--had system problems last night]
Many thanks to all the contestants for participating so far. There was a tie for the 10th position, so I am allowing 11 Semi-Finalists.
THE SEMI-FINALISTS ARE, IN NUMERICAL ORDER:
#1 Dolphy
#2 Sarkycow
#4 Ariel
#5 Splosh
#7 Chorister
#10 Clare
#11 Zandolit
#14 Fr. Buskin
#15 Rowen
#20 Schroedinger's Cat
#94 Ann
CONGRATULATIONS!
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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clare
Contributing Editor
# 17
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Posted
How lovely! I think I'll allow myself a toasted tea-cake to celebrate!
Posts: 2317 | From: edge of the peak district | Registered: May 2001
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Rowen
Shipmate
# 1194
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Posted
Keeping in theme, Rowen celebrates with grape juice and bread! Then she sings a little number to herself.... some hymn or other ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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"May I live this day… compassionate of heart" (John O’Donoghue)...
Posts: 4897 | From: Somewhere cold in Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2001
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Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Belisarius:
[Sorry for the delay--had system problems last night]
Many thanks to all the contestants for participating so far. There was a tie for the 10th position, so I am allowing 11 Semi-Finalists.
THE SEMI-FINALISTS ARE, IN NUMERICAL ORDER:
#1 Dolphy
#2 Sarkycow
#4 Ariel
#5 Splosh
#7 Chorister
#10 Clare
#11 Zandolit
#14 Fr. Buskin
#15 Rowen
#20 Schroedinger's Cat
#94 Ann
CONGRATULATIONS!
![[Waterworks]](graemlins/bawling.gif) ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
Shuffles off mournfully
Tubbs
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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
Joy! I made it to the semi's ! I think I'll go and open a bottle of champers and then go out and buy my cozzy!! ... (uuum, I wonder if the Mid would like to join me?!! ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif) )
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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splosh
Shipmate
# 2743
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Posted
Whey-hay semi-finals, this is the furtherest I have ever come in a beauty competion ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Right back to soldering
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Just remember you are one of God's special people
Posts: 1371 | From: Slightly less north than before | Registered: May 2002
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by duchess:
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
Contestant 20's particular talent is being able to fart the national anthem.
Ready ....
[the contestant proceeds, resulting in the emptying of thefront rows.]
I can do "Scotland the brave" too, if you want? I'll just have to go an eat another tin of beans.
Dang it, you be one sick puppy! Da nerve!
quote:
THE SEMI-FINALISTS ARE, IN NUMERICAL ORDER:
#1 Dolphy
#2 Sarkycow
#4 Ariel
#5 Splosh
#7 Chorister
#10 Clare
#11 Zandolit
#14 Fr. Buskin
#15 Rowen
#20 Schroedinger's Cat
#94 Ann
CONGRATULATIONS!
Given that I made it ( contrary to all of my expectations, I must add ), what on earth does that make the judges?
I'll just pop off for a quick curry and beers, ready for the next round.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
(Aside) Thank God, someone else got rid of the singing hamster before I did.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
(Aside) Thank God, someone else got rid of the singing hamster before I did.
It's ok Ariel, I'm using it as a paintstripping brush!!!! ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Hamster curry sounds good to me. The only problem is, what to do with the other contestants?
Have got to win this. It's cost me a small fortune in bribes already.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
<Sheila revealed aiming flame-thrower at more hostile Contestants>
I don't think so.
I'll just be going now...should have expected this...sheer Specism...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
It's now time for the
QUESTION/RESPONSE ROUND
Each Semi-Finalist must post a response to the question below by the end of July 30. The following is inspired by the movie "Brewster's Millions:"
You must spend 1,000,000 American dollars (or the equivalent) on yourself in less than a week and then have nothing to show for it other than memories, inexpensive souvenirs, and/or some physical wear and tear. How would you spend it?
Rules in Responding:
1)You cannot give the money away or donate it.
2)Other than perhaps helping a local economy, the money cannot directly benefit anyone else.
3)Permanent monuments to oneself not allowed.
Sample Response:
I would travel to both of the Earth's Poles; if any money was left, I would rent Space Mountain all to myself for one day.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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The Mid
Officer and a gentleman
# 1559
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Posted
See Dolphy - you're through to the next round.
Like I said, trust me and the crown will be all yours...
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For God so loved the world She got involved
Posts: 3022 | From: The Wardroom | Registered: Oct 2001
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
Beer and curry. F'rall me mates.
I'd buy some cans of that steller stuff - reassuringly expensive - and rent out that nice curry house down the road form us. And open it up to anyone who wanted to come along.
I think we would make it through the million in a week. And we would have memories ( of the first few hours at least ), we may have some souvenirs, but we can gloss over that.
And definately some serious wear and tear. ![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif)
If there were anyfin left over, then we could go dow that covent garden place, and see some opera. Bloomin expensive them tickets are.
If that didn't manage it, I would probably just fritter the rest away.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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The Mid
Officer and a gentleman
# 1559
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Posted
Where's that button?
*sound of water bubbling*
There it is.
The spa is ready Dolphy if you want to slip in. I've got the glasses if you've got the champers...
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For God so loved the world She got involved
Posts: 3022 | From: The Wardroom | Registered: Oct 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
(help! I'm not very good at spending vast amounts of money....... ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif) )
but, I'm always willing to give it a try(especially if it's not mine!)
I would hire a private jet to travel to Australia on the first night. I would throw a welcome party for myself, to which any SoF shipmates (and apprentices) in the area would be invited, all food and drink provided, no presents or flowers please. I would then fly to the United States and throw a second 'Welcome to Chorister party' with USA guests, the next night a trip to Canada, celebrate in a ditto-ish way, fly over to Europe and have a party in Germany, await invitations to any other countries where there are shipmates I have missed, then on the final day fly my private jet back to the UK, landing the jet in Wales, Scotland and Ireland to pick up any shipmates to bring them to England for one last mega-huge 'Welcome Home Chorister' party , best champagne only and food from Fortnum and Mason. Come and join the fun, party only stops when all the money runs out!
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Mid:
Incidentally, just who does own the rights to this competition....maybe I can sell them??
FOR GENERAL DISTRIBUTION
FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
RE: THE MISS SOF PAGEANT
The Miss SoF Pageant is the sole and exclusive property of Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. Any unauthorized use of its titles, logos, trademarks, or products will be prosecuted to the full extant of the law. Any individual claiming influence in the selection processes of the Miss SoF Pageant who is not a Board Member of Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. can be prosecuted to the full extant of the law but more likely mercilessly ridiculed.
Sincerely,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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The Mid
Officer and a gentleman
# 1559
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Belisarius:
Any individual claiming influence in the selection processes of the Miss SoF Pageant who is not a Board Member of Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. can be prosecuted to the full extant of the law but more likely mercilessly ridiculed.
Tell you what, with the things I've been getting it will be well worth it.
Ladies, I advise you to all ignore that last post there, I can assure you that I can produce the goods when the time vomes, stick with me, ignore those director type people.
Honestly. You try to help a few people out and you get no thanks. What is the world coming to?
Incidentally, I would have shared the money...
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For God so loved the world She got involved
Posts: 3022 | From: The Wardroom | Registered: Oct 2001
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splosh
Shipmate
# 2743
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Posted
Hmmm, lets see, I would hire a camper van, and travel around the world, trying to see how many shipmates I can meet up with during the duration.
With each shipmate, I would have to have photo taken of them, at the most famous landmark in their area, and also sample the local regions food and drink with them at the local resturant.
I think that this would be a wonderful trip, and certainty exciting.
(otherwise the money would be spent on liquid helium so i could finish my experiment and PhD )
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Just remember you are one of God's special people
Posts: 1371 | From: Slightly less north than before | Registered: May 2002
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Mid:
The spa is ready Dolphy if you want to slip in. I've got the glasses if you've got the champers...
Sounds good to me Mid! My back is very sore after all this paint stripping I have been doing today.... Champers is chilled so I'll be right over!!!! (Thinks... what shall my reply be to the next round question?!!! ) Shall I bring the smoked salmon nibbles too dearest Mid?
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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Blue
Shipmate
# 3067
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Belisarius:
Any individual claiming influence ... blah de blah de blah ... can be prosecuted to the full extant of the law but more likely mercilessly ridiculed.
And will they actually notice if they are?
(Blue spots the Trading Standards Officer fixedly glaring at The Mid's custom title)
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Cabinboy Blue
[UBB Code edited]
[ 29 July 2002, 16:03: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
Posts: 113 | From: sunk without trace | Registered: Jul 2002
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The Mid
Officer and a gentleman
# 1559
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Dolphy:
Sounds good to me Mid! My back is very sore after all this paint stripping I have been doing today.... Champers is chilled so I'll be right over!!!! (Thinks... what shall my reply be to the next round question?!!! ) Shall I bring the smoked salmon nibbles too dearest Mid?
You certainly shall - that would be lovely!
You poor thing with a sore back, lucky I did that swedish massage course awhile back. You come sit down here in front of me, close your eyes, relax, your back will feel wonderful in no time
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For God so loved the world She got involved
Posts: 3022 | From: The Wardroom | Registered: Oct 2001
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
Well, after not much thought at all... I have decided what I will do with all the money! The reason I say not much thought at all is because it would make my No 1 dream come true... I would fly to Florida (taking my other half too as a surprise - since that's not giving the money away) and swim with Dolphins; not in a swimming pool but in the deep blue sea where the Dolphins belong. I would buy a video camera in order to tape the event, and then spend the evening dining on wonderful food, good wine; preferably at a beachside resturant, and send all my friends on the Ship a postcard to say 'Hi'.
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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The Mid
Officer and a gentleman
# 1559
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Posted
[TANGENT]
Once this round is over I think I might start a thread with this question, I think it would be a really interesting question for people to answer.
I think I should probably clear this with the Miss Ship-of-Fools Management first...
[/TANGENT]
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For God so loved the world She got involved
Posts: 3022 | From: The Wardroom | Registered: Oct 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
TO: THE MID
RE: QUESTION/RESPONSE ROUND
Thank you for your tangent. We at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. are happy to grant permission to establish the Official Question of the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant as a separate thread once the Question/Response Round has completed.
Sincerely,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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blackbird
Shipmate
# 1387
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Posted
free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty...(just joshing)
well, what to do with swimming contest outfit (#18 eyes the tankini woven from the song of a nightingale during a full solar eclipse, and the aquamarine feathers of hummingbirds raised in remote himilayan apple orchards, secured by 12 buttons chipped from the pillar that was lot's wife.
and then the veil of virgin butter muslin bespangled with phosporus of fireflies depicting embroidered scenes from the Rodent Relay Adventures thread and the odd biblical incident involving a sensible woman. this to be worn while straddling a bull elephant draped with cloth of gold, studded with tiny bells, mirrors, rubies, saphires, pearls, and pistachios, attended by 6 bindied maidens, and antonio banderas.
of course lead on stage by a mournful blind scotsman singing fhir a' bhata.
ah well, something will come up.
Posts: 1236 | From: usa | Registered: Sep 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
You must spend 1,000,000 American dollars (or the equivalent) on yourself in less than a week and then have nothing to show for it other than memories, inexpensive souvenirs, and/or some physical wear and tear.
Sorry, one million is just not enough. I had it in mind to buy an attractive, talented, athletic young soccer star, and the only thing I'd get for that prize would be a bargain basement, balding, 38 year old Third Division player. Is there any chance of making the prize money a more realistic amount?
quote:
2)Other than perhaps helping a local economy, the money cannot directly benefit anyone else.
Good, that gets me out of having to be nice to anyone. If the prize money isn't increased, I shall go to a casino in the south of France, where I will drink lots of champagne, flirt outrageously with the croupier, who will turn out to be gay, be leered at by a fat, balding 38 year old ex-Third Division footballer, and lose a fortune gambling. I will then burst into tears, throw a fit of complete fury, and spend the night sobbing wildly in a French police cell, only to be bailed out by the 38 year old footballer the next morning.
If anyone would like to try converting me while I am in this deeply remorseful and penitent mood, you only have to vote for me to set the whole thing in motion.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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clare
Contributing Editor
# 17
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Posted
[Contestant number 10]
I’m not sure what $1,000,000 is in pounds sterling.. my husbands always the one that does the calculations in our family! But I’m assuming that it’s quite a bit of money, so I shall obviously have to treat myself a little! I’ll take a guess that it’s about one thousand pounds, which is certainly a lot more than my usual shopping budget!
First I think I shall treat myself to spending the whole week shopping in Marks and Spencers rather than the local Tescos. It’s is more pricey, but I think the quality of the cakes is better, and there are some more unusual items. There’s some rather interesting musili I saw in there recently, full of berries! So I could have that instead of my usual branflakes. And, I shall buy some things that will be fun to replace, but you don’t usually do so because they never wear out, so to speak. Though buying a new biscuit tin, a new draining rack, a new bathroom mat and laundry basket seems a little extravagant, because really the ones I have surfice perfectly well, it will be nice to have ones that aren’t quite so dog-eared.
I think I’ve got some of my budget left for a little bit of travelling. One thing that I’ve been meaning to do for a long time is to follow up some of the leads I’ve found while researching our family history. I’ve discovered that a lot of the family came originally from Norfolk, and it would be so interesting to go and look at some of the churches where they were christened and married, go through the parish records. We might even find a gravestone or two.. that would be jolly! And given that we’ve got all this money to spend I think we could stay in some proper hotels. In some ways I prefer a cosy B&B, because you do meet some nice people running them and it just seems more friendly… but just for a change a hotel or two would be quite an adventure for us! I might even have to buy a new dress for the evenings… you’ll think I’m funny but that’s one of the reasons I normally don’t like staying in hotels, because there’s these awful expectations about what you wear, so a new dress really would come in handy. And, while we’re in East Anglia, we could pop in and see Aunty Mabel in Cambridge. She does like to catch up on all the family news, and I’ve got the photos of Richard’s graduation to show her.
Now, I suspect that that’s all I’ve got to spend, but I’ve just remembered that I read a report in WHICH magazine for a very clever new type of iron that’s been developed. I think it’s about £85, so if I’ve got that amount left over, and can pop it in the shopping basket too that would make ironing all the more easier! Well, anything would be easier than the travel iron I’m having to use while I’m here (though luckily I mainly packed crinkle-free clothes, and I think my swimming costume will be alright)!
Posts: 2317 | From: edge of the peak district | Registered: May 2001
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zandolit
Shipmate
# 346
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Posted
Zandolit is not quite sure what she would do with such a sum. But a dream of hers has been to spend time at Norm's Place (note - this is not Zandolit's website - just the only decent one she could find for Norm's Place). So perhaps she would fly in as many of her closest friends as would fit (which, considering the size of the place would probably be about 10) and perhaps a judge or two, rent SUVs for them all (that could eat up most of her money considering how expensive the rentals will be), hire the cook from the Roi Christophe Hotel in Cap Haitian and have him prepare pepper steak every night, inviting everybody in the village of Labadie to participate. That's a lot of pepper steak! Perhaps a large sailboat could be chartered for the week as well so day sails into the Caribbean could be a possibility. Zandolit is not sure whether this would involve directly benefiting other people - she herself would certainly have a lot of fun.
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Senye, nou kontan se ou kap kenbe nou e se pa nou kap kenbe ou
Posts: 185 | From: Britain's oldest recorded town | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sigmund
Shipmate
# 3002
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Posted
(Staggers in through side door and on to stage clutching a litre bottle of cheap hooch) I I I couldvee been great...I was the best. Audiences..hah! what dthry kneeew???? I is not nnnoot drunk! Take your hands off me! (final exit, escorted by bouncers, weeping)
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We have no money so we shall have to think.
Rutherford
Posts: 212 | From: somewhere in England | Registered: Jul 2002
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Rowen
Shipmate
# 1194
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Posted
In 30 days time I am going overseas (note travel diary link in my sig). I am going in an economical way... however if I had that much money, I would sopend it on the trip, and be gloriously selfish happy.
Furthermore, I would take Cloin Firth with me (think Mr. Darcy, if you need a reminder as to who he is...)
In order to tie this in with my theologically correct reponses in other rounds, I am happy to say that God has revealed unto me that this would be ok in every respect- a small, humble reward for my labours.
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"May I live this day… compassionate of heart" (John O’Donoghue)...
Posts: 4897 | From: Somewhere cold in Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2001
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