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» Ship of Fools   » Ship's Locker   » Limbo   » Heaven: The Miss SoF Pageant (Page 4)

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Source: (consider it) Thread: Heaven: The Miss SoF Pageant
The Mid

Officer and a gentleman
# 1559

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Ok all you punters out there.

The field is smaller, the stakes are higher, the pressure is mounting. Anyone wanting to make a wager on first place, runner up, or anything else, come and see me. I can offer some very attractive odds!!

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For God so loved the world She got involved

Posts: 3022 | From: The Wardroom | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ann

Curious
# 94

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Contestant 94 looks at all that cash and thinks about how she could spend it. It seems too much hard work to be that hedonistic so she decides to do a runner with the dosh and put it to good use, even if that means being disqualified.

She decides to invest it in a Fair-Trade farm in the third world, complete with school and hospital, preferably in a country which discourages extradition.

Unfortunately an over-scrupulousness with the blindfold, a pin and a map of Africa means that by the end of the week she’s complied with the terms of the competition having only memories and a worthless souvenir of the Title Deeds to a farm in Zimbabwe – and it’s done nobody any good at all.

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Ann

Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012

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(Contestant #2 thinks long and hard about just scarpering with the cash, which is all she was really interested in, but decides to continue with the competition [Wink] )

Lemme see. $1,000,000 is roughly £66,666, hmmm..

I would start my week with a parachute jump, because I've always wanted to fly through the air like that. It would be so exciting (simper, giggle). And I would persuade the Red Devils* to take me flying with them; although it would cost a lot, they're so dishy, and it would be a scream [Smile]

[<pout> I wanted to donate lots of it to cute little furry animals, but your rules won't let me. And I can't buy a sanctuary for them, because I mustn't own anything. <stamps foot petulantly> It's not fair.]

[Smile] With the rest of the money, I'd take myself and all my friends to Florida for the week, where I'd hire DisneyLand just for us. We could go on Space Mountain as many times as we wanted! Fantastic!

*The Red Devils are a formation flying team based in Britain.

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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FOR GENERAL DISTRIBUTION
FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
RE: QUESTION/RESPONSE ROUND


The Question/Response Round will be closing in a few hours. The following Contestant is requested to make an appearance:

#14 Fr. Buskin

To review, voters will be allowed give points to two (2) Contestants after the Question/Response Round has concluded. These scores will be added to the Contestants' Totals and the five (5) highest scorers will go on to be Finalists in the Swimsuit Round. Should there be a tie for the Fifth Position, the Contestant with the lower Talent Score (as that was weighted) will be given precedence (in the unlikely event of a need for further tiebreaker, the higher Question/Response score will be used).

Sincerely,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.

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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
dolphy

Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862

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quote:
Originally posted by The Mid:
I can offer some very attractive odds!!

Pray tell Sir Mid, what are these odds?!!
(I have more champers and smoked salmon in my cabin.... interested?!!! [Devil] )

--------------------
Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.

Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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FOR GENERAL DISTRIBUTION
FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
RE: PAGEANT MAINTENANCE


Due to unexpected workloads falling under the responsibility of our Cleanup Crew, we at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. regret having to now restrict food and drink from properties associated with the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant. For your convenience, alternate dining arrangements can be found on nearby threads.

Also, to help decrease the workload of our Security Staff brought on by the unexpected popularity of the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant, off-hour visits by Non-Contestants on properties associated with the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant must be approved by a Board Member of Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. Of course, we at Ship-of-Fools, Inc. do not put any restrictions on socializing off of properties associated with the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant.

Thank you very much for your cooperation.

Sincerely,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.

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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
The Mid

Officer and a gentleman
# 1559

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You're all out to get me, I know it!!

[Paranoid]

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For God so loved the world She got involved

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John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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Fr. Buskin appears in full abito piano.

My dears, no lengthy deliberations are required to decide on how to spend the $1,000,000 as I fantasise about this on a daily basis.

I will buy all known stocks of Rosa Mystica incense in the world - enough to fill the entire Holy Trinity, Brompton Church. Then I will say the prayer for the blessing of the incense and my boat boy will set it alight. Optionally, we will process around the church perimeter 7 times.

Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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While the voting for Finalists is in progress, our Semi-Finalists may take the time to enact their various private procedures and strategems for fitting into their swimwear.

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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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quote:
Due to unexpected workloads falling under the responsibility of our Cleanup Crew, we at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. regret having to now restrict food and drink from properties associated with the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant.
(Somewhat indistinctly) Excuse me, but I'm not throwing my sandwiches away. They've travelled 1000 miles to be with me. I know what catering can be like in these sorts of places. And you can't get Marmite here.

quote:
Also, to help decrease the workload of our Security Staff brought on by the unexpected popularity of the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant, off-hour visits by Non-Contestants on properties associated with the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant must be approved by a Board Member of Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.
Yeah, right. The reason the security staff are so overworked is because they're busy "helping out" ex-contestant no. 17, among others, which is why they're never available for anyone else, and look exhausted in the mornings. Hire some more. The first lot need a break.
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splosh
Shipmate
# 2743

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hmmm swimwear, hmmmm.

I think that duck-tape maybe at the ready for this part [Razz]

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Just remember you are one of God's special people

Posts: 1371 | From: Slightly less north than before | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
Robert Porter-Miller

Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459

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Oh bugger!

I come back and log onto the ship and find I've not even qualified for the semi final

[Waterworks] [Waterworks] [Waterworks] [Waterworks]

Woe is me for I am undone - oh oops I'd better put those away!

Posts: 1231 | From: Washington, D.C. | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
dolphy

Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862

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Not sure that I am going to be able to fit into my skimpy swimsuit after all... maybe I shall just have to go without!!! [Snigger] ... maybe there's a web site that will get one here soonest... better option than trailing round the shops in this rain me thinks!

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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.

Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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Many thanks to our Semi-Finalists' creativity and energy.

The votes have been counted...the Finalists are:


#1 Dolphy
#4 Ariel
#10 Clare
#11 Zandolit
#14 Fr. Buskin

CONGRATULATIONS!


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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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It's now time for the

SWIMSUIT ROUND


Our Finalists must promenade in swimwear of their own choices and/or designs and conclude with favorite quotes, which can be either corny or intimidatingly learned.

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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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You mean you don't want to see me in the figure hugging wetsuit I have just purchased from the Fat Willy's Surf Shack in Newquay, Cornwall, specially created to my own design of 'I saw three ships come sailing in' (complete with pictures, words and music - 4part harmony, of course)?????

Probably very wise............ [Eek!]

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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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It's very sad, that I won't have to parade in my specially chosen swimsuit.

Maybe we will have to have another swimsuit thread, so that our purchases will not go to waste.

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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Pheonix

Twisted fire starter
# 2782

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In lieu of participants being able to post photos up here I reckon they should draw and post ascii art depicting them in the swimwear [Snigger] [Snigger] [Snigger] [Snigger]
Posts: 2384 | From: on the move. | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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Some bastard has stolen my costume! Who the hell stole my bloody diving suit? As one-piece girly swimsuits are seriously sexist, I had every intention of appearing in a splendidly ill-fitting, borrowed, baggy diving suit complete with helmet and flippers. Now I can't. Now all I have left is a white lacy satin bikini with just the usual pearl earrings, necklace and a strand of pearls twined artistically in my hair, and what a wally I will look. You will just have to imagine me clad in a rubber suit with clamps and seals on. No doubt some of you will find that a lot easier than others.

You want my favourite quote? The first one is unprintable, but I can still give you:

"Don't have a cow, man".

Which is very sensible advice for anyone living in a top floor flat.

Thank you, and good night.

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zandolit

Shipmate
# 346

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I am afraid that Zandolit fell into some confusion during this round. The whole idea of parading around in a swimsuit without actually doing any swimming did not seem to make sense to her. So, she assumed that the whole thing was a big mistake, and she took off for the beach with some friends to spent the day playing in the water and the sand. She apologises for missing the event.

"'Children,' I say plainly, 'watch out for the baobabs!'" The Little Prince

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Senye, nou kontan se ou kap kenbe nou e se pa nou kap kenbe ou

Posts: 185 | From: Britain's oldest recorded town | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
clare
Contributing Editor
# 17

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Goodness, the final already! How time flies! I was very self-controlled and didn’t have a tea-cake to celebrate the last results… it’s called watching your figure! Not only that, but I’ve shaved my legs in honour of the occasion. Such a bore, I must admit I never bother in the winter months. Don’t look too closely at the place where I nicked myself and have pressed on a little bit of tissue paper. But I think all the judges are sitting far enough away.

Unfortunately you just don’t get swimming costumes that hide varicose veins do you, a slight prejudice against the more mature woman I find, but I’ve chosen a nice bright swimming cossie so hopefully they won’t notice. I’ve chosen a two piece bikini because I think they’re more womanly, I do find that the one piece cossies do squash the bosom rather. The top has some sturdy cups sewn in, which just helps everything stay in place… important if you’re bouncing around in the waves! On that note, I’d also recommend one, like this, which has good thick shoulder straps… some of the string ties are, in my opinion, a little bit of a liability, if you know what I mean! (pause for polite laughter) The bottoms are, well, generous, which I think is only wise when you’re the traditional British pear shape like me. Not that there’s anything wrong with the shape of pears, it’s just that it’s important not to draw attention to a rather ample bottom!

As I mentioned, I do like cheerful cossies… going swimming is supposed to be fun isn’t it! So this one has a bright floral pattern with large orange and yellow sunflowers on a bottle green background. I think it stands out nicely, which again is useful if the beach is a little crowed. I’ve got with me my beach robe.. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but it’s really difficult to find these for sale these days, they must have gone out of fashion, but I do treasure mine since it is so practical just to tie it round your neck and change underneath it without having to worry about not being decent. This one is a jolly red, green and blue stripes, and I’m hope you won’t notice that the towelling is slightly worn, which is understandable since I’ve had it since the fifties. I’ve also got my swimming hat on, I tried to find one with rubber flowers on it but sadly, there seem to be none for sale this year so I’ve gone for the slightly wrinkled version in the plain white. At least it doesn’t have any ridiculous logos on it.

Now you need a quote from me don’t you, and I’ve had a little think about this and, since I heard that there were a number of church-goers among the judges I thought I would give you a verse from one of my favourite hymns from Sunday School.

Daisies are our silver,
Buttercups our gold:
This is all the treasure
We can have or hold.

I do think it’s very important that we look at the beautiful world around us and do our best to protect it, even if that is as simple as washing out yoghurt pots so you can use them again, for example for storing paper clips, or making sure that you put some bird seed out when it’s the middle of winter.

And, oh yes, just before I go, thank you very much for having me. It’s been lovely.

Posts: 2317 | From: edge of the peak district | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
dolphy

Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862

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A gentle drum roll, the lights dim... the dry ice machine covers the stage in smoke, the orchestra once more begins to play a rather slow and seductive number especially composed for the event by Messers G String and Lust. As the dry ice begins to clear, the spot light (with hints of blue) pans in on me. I stand centre stage wearing nothing except for three white satin leaves, strategically placed. (my internet ordered cozy didn't arrive from beachwareforthesexy.com in time for the finals so I had to improvise [Snigger] )

I once more take the microphone in my hands, and in a rather husky, sexy voice say:
Ladies and Gentlemen, and random others of the Ship, thank you for voting for me. I never imagined I would get to the finals and I am overjoyed to be here. And as you need a quote from me, I shall say this to you all...
If your love was a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches.

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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.

Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
TO: CONTESTANT #20 (SCHROEDINGER'S CAT)
RE: SWIMSUIT ROUND


Thank you for your suggestion of expanding the Swimsuit Round to a separate thread. Such an action would coordinate well with the planned Question/Response thread; we at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. are happy to grant permission to create such a thread when the Swimsuit Round has completed.

Sincerely,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.

--------------------
Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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FOR GENERAL DISTRIBUTION
FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
RE: CONTESTANT NUMBERS


We at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. publicly state that the sequence of the Finalists' Contestant Numbers (1,4,10,11, and 14) is purely coincidental. No inferences or calculations of an encryptical or numerological nature should be attempted now or in the future.

This statement will be reproduced if required.

Sincerely,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.
cc: Urban Myths Board

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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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Fr. Buskin's agent reports that he is engaging in spiritual warfare against Satan's strongholds of lust which will seek to establish themselves when he appears in his swimming attire. What is the latest time that he may make an appearance? Every moment of prayer is a blow for purity.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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(Aside) Yes, I thought as much, somebody else is also wearing white satin. I wouldn't be surprised if back in her dressing room, she also has a diving suit with sequins, hearts, feathers, and twee flowers with smiling faces on as well. I really do wonder sometimes about the meaning of life.
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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FOR GENERAL DISTRIBUTION
FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
RE: SWIMSUIT ROUND


To help accomodate Contestant #14 (Fr. Buskin), we at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. are extending the deadline for his appearance to August 3 (although an earlier appearance would be appreciated if possible).

Sincerely,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.

[ 06 August 2002, 14:29: Message edited by: Belisarius ]

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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
dolphy

Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862

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quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
(Aside) Yes, I thought as much, somebody else is also wearing white satin. I wouldn't be surprised if back in her dressing room, she also has a diving suit with sequins, hearts, feathers, and twee flowers with smiling faces on as well. I really do wonder sometimes about the meaning of life.

As if I would wear anything with sequins, hearts,feathers and twee flowers let alone smilie faces!!! If you, dear Ariel, want to know the meaning of life, I have a book I can lend you [Snigger] And as for a diving suit? - baby, I go skinny dipping!!! [Devil]

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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.

Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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quote:
If you, dear Ariel, want to know the meaning of life, I have a book I can lend you [Snigger] And as for a diving suit? - baby, I go skinny dipping!!! [Devil]
I know more than enough about life than I want to as it is already, thanks. If you need a book to help you figure it out, good luck to you. As for the skinny dipping - glad I missed it. I happen to know what else people do in the water, which is why a diving suit comes in handy.

I am now going to sit quietly in the wings eating the last of my much-travelled Marmite sandwiches, and waiting for Fr Buskin to appear. Will he, won't he? What colour will he wear? Oh, the excitement of anticipation. The endless fantasies one can weave. Until shattered by reality.

(Still haven't found out who stole my blasted costume. Or why.)

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Inanna

Ship's redhead
# 538

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And as the tension mounts and we await the final contestant...

... the peaceful atmosphere is shattered as a group of protesters come crashing through the back of the hall and charge their way onto the stage.

Ah yes. The representatives of SPEW (Ship's Pageant Exploits Women!) are instantly recognisable by their doc marten boots, multiple facial piercings and shaved heads. (and the [Puke] SPEW! [Projectile] T-shirts are a bit of a give away too.)

As two of them unfurl a large banner reading "WE OBJECT THIS OBJECTIFICATION", another throws large SPEW cover-ups over the swimsuit-clad contestants. The rest of them start pelting the judges with eggs, flour bombs and the like.

Mwahahahaha [Snigger]

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All shall be well
And all shall be well
And all manner of things shall be well.

Posts: 1495 | From: Royal Oak, MI | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
zandolit

Shipmate
# 346

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Zandolit is now very glad she missed the swimsuit competition and went to the beach instead.

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Senye, nou kontan se ou kap kenbe nou e se pa nou kap kenbe ou

Posts: 185 | From: Britain's oldest recorded town | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
TO: CONTESTANT #23 (SHEILA THE HAMSTER)
RE: S.P.E.W. PROTESTERS


May we borrow your flamethrower?

Thank you,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.

[ 01 August 2002, 19:17: Message edited by: Belisarius ]

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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012

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From Contestant #2

Dear Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.

I am not one to be picky; indeed I am generally charming and sunshine smiley [Sunny] However, there appears to have been some cheating going on, and I want the contestant concerned disqualified.

You may remember from the last round, your instructions were:
quote:
Originally posted by Bel:
You must spend 1,000,000 American dollars (or the equivalent) on yourself in less than a week and then have nothing to show for it other than memories, inexpensive souvenirs, and/or some physical wear and tear. How would you spend it?

A certain contestant responded:
quote:
clare:
First I think I shall treat myself to spending the whole week shopping in Marks and Spencers rather than the local Tescos. It’s is more pricey, but I think the quality of the cakes is better, and there are some more unusual items. There’s some rather interesting musili I saw in there recently, full of berries! So I could have that instead of my usual branflakes. And, I shall buy some things that will be fun to replace, but you don’t usually do so because they never wear out, so to speak. Though buying a new biscuit tin, a new draining rack, a new bathroom mat and laundry basket seems a little extravagant, because really the ones I have surfice perfectly well, it will be nice to have ones that aren’t quite so dog-eared.

She has clearly stated that she would have more than inexpensive souvenirs to show for all the money she spent. That's not allowed. And it's not fair <stamps foot petulantly>. She cheated. She shouldn't be allowed to get through to the finals.

And if you let her carry on, then my daddy will have something to say, and he's a director in the City. He'll shut you down. Or something.

So please don't let cheats prosper [Sunny]

Love and kisses, [Heart]

Me

--------------------
“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
TO: CONTESTANT #2 (SARKYCOW)
RE: QUESTION/RESPONSE ROUND


Thank you for your inquiry; we at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. always try within reason to accomodate the wants and needs of our Contestants.

After consideration, we find that the Response of Contestant #10 (Clare) did not significantly violate the conditions of the Round by its detail, and certainly did not violate these conditions in spirit. The net worth, standard of living, and recognition level of this contestant (dear simple soul she is) would remain unchanged. If there are errors of reasoning in her response, we at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. have the confidence in our voters to take these errors into consideration--you must expect an organization that allows one-sixth of a Beauty Pageant's Contestants to be male, after all, to allow a certain degree of latitude.

Also, please remember that no Contestant actually received any money (we at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. may be confident, but we ain't stupid); the spending was purely hypothetical. No cheating in the traditional sense could occur.

If it will be of any further assistance to you, we at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. will gladly give you, after the end of this Pageant and in accordance with the Freedom Of Information Act of 1966, the IP Addresses associated with the votes for Contestant #10, with which you may do as you please.

We hope the situation for you has been clarified. We congratulate you on your qualifying for the Semi-Finals; you should still be proud, because not everyone can be a winner.


Sincerely,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.

--------------------
Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
jlg

What is this place?
Why am I here?
# 98

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I find it very odd that the SPEW faction showed up right after contestant #14 was given a time extension (thereby allowing said contestant to not be present when the protest took place).

Perhaps the pageant organizers should look into this?

Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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FROM: MISS SHIP-OF-FOOLS, INC.
TO: JLG
RE: S.P.E.W PROTESTERS


Thank you for your inquiry; we at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. appreciate your concern.

From the information we were able to obtain from surviving SPEW members, we at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. have come to the conclusion that SPEW took independent advantage of an unexpected opportunity created by Fr. Buskin's delay.

If the cause for Fr. Buskin's delay is not of a particularly urgent nature, we at Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc. can only hope that this Pageant's temporary disruption will seriously affect his conscience; no other action against him, even if his behavior is proven negligent, can be taken.

We hope you enjoy the rest of the Miss SoF 2002 Pageant.

Sincerely,
Belisarius, 2002 Chair, Board of Directors
Miss Ship-of-Fools, Inc.

--------------------
Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ultraspike

Incensemeister
# 268

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I think I see Fr Buskin in the distance, down there emerging from that pink and blue cabana. At first glance it looks like he's wearing a cross between a sleveless mini cassalb and a lacy cotta -- truly modest yet strangely alluring in a somewhat disturbing way. Is this what the cosmopolitan priest wears to the beach these days, or is this some figment of Fr Buskin's twisted sense of humor? Let's withhold our scores until the picture is clearer.

--------------------
A cowgirl's work is never done.

Posts: 2732 | From: NYC | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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Ah no. Now closer we see the mini-cassalb cotta wearer is actually the flower boy who is sprinkling rose petals in front of Fr. Buskin's path. Earls in morning coats appear to be carrying a canopy of some sort to shade him.

And now, he stops in the middle of the stage. There are gasps from the crowd as he begins to pull off his black pullover and clerical shirt. His black leather-it-appears trousers are sitting low on his hips revealing the band of a pair of designer jocks with the word 'Monstrance' on them.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen",

intones Fr. Buskin
"And also with you", replies the crowd.

"As the Virgin Queen saith: 'All may; None must; Some should.'"
"Thankyou"

With that, he throws his cuffs and collar into the audience.

[a scroll lock horror story]

[ 02 August 2002, 09:51: Message edited by: clare ]

Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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<Smarmy Host>

Thank you, Contestant #14.

We will be setting up the Voting Poll within the next few hours. Besides giving a point to his choice for Winner, each voter will have an extra treat--being able to give a point to his choice for the Miss Congeniality Award from among the 13 Contestants who were unable to participate in the Semi-Finals. Good luck to everyone!

[typo]

[ 02 August 2002, 16:45: Message edited by: Belisarius ]

--------------------
Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012

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Dear Bel (may I call you that please? [Smile] )

The IP addresses would be wonderful. I know someone who's very very clever, and can understand computers. I'm sure he'll think of something to do with them [Wink]

Love and kisses [Heart]

Me

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Pheonix

Twisted fire starter
# 2782

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Sarkycow, I trust you'll give us chance to say goodbye before those IP's are used to nuke someone to oblivion and back [Snigger]

[UBB Code edited]

[ 02 August 2002, 20:08: Message edited by: Belisarius ]

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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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<Smarmy Host>

The Final Votes have been counted.

After each announcement, the Contestant announced will be allowed to make a statement to the media before the next announcement. Nothing like adding a little to the dramatic tension, folks.

So...

<DRUMROLL>

The winner of the Miss Congeniality Award, with 6 points is...

CONTESTANT #22, MRS. TUBBS!!



--------------------
Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Blue
Shipmate
# 3067

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<enthusiastic applause>
Posts: 113 | From: sunk without trace | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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[Old Ladies, back in front row, knitting]
Lady 1: And do you know how many Bible studies she had to do for that, love?
Lady 2: Go on. How many, pet?
Lady 1: King James died with a smile on his face, is all I'll say, love.

Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Cosmo
Shipmate
# 117

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Fr Buskin would like to apologise for his appalling tardiness but that lovely little off-the-shoulder chasuble-swimsuit just couldn't be hurried from Monsieur Jules. Sand may be found in the lining of the orphreys but that just adds to its effect.

He recognises that he has come all too late for this most exciting of contests but he has been battling, as has been stated above, in contest with the Prince of all Contests who is quite unable to keep proper time.

Good Fr Buskin comes to the front of the sanctuary, er..stage, and makes a propfound bow for al the Sarumites out there, before turning and making a double genuflection to the Exposed Sacrament (and showing off a fine piece of lace alb cunningly woven into the suit by Jules) before retreating off stage in order to say his first mass of the Day.

Fr Buskin would like to thank all those who voted for him and hopes that his suit, like Fr d'Ascoyne Gascoyne's west window, 'combines all the exurberance of Chauncer with none of the concomitant crudities'.

Thus speaks his agent and chaplain,

Fr Cosmo

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The Mid

Officer and a gentleman
# 1559

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Has anyone PM'd Miss COngeniality to let her know she has to respond?

Come on, come on.

I want to know who won!!! [Yipee]

Posts: 3022 | From: The Wardroom | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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Mrs. Tubbs was PM'd some time ago. She will be allowed a couple of more hours to make a statement before the Pageant moves on.

--------------------
Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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Well, it looks like Mrs. Tubbs is still delayed. Perhaps we can backtrack later but for now...


Our Fourth Runner-Up, with a total of 36 points, is...

CONTESTANT #11, ZANDOLIT!!


--------------------
Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Tubbs

Miss Congeniality
# 440

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Mrs Tubbs wanders on stage in a fur bikini a la Rachel Welsh in “100 Million Years BC” looking somewhat confused (but very pretty in a scruffy retro kind of way) as she never normally wins anything. And she is late. (“No change there”, her hubby cries). She has even bought the World’s Cutest and Fluffest Cat ™ with her and all the audience goes “Ahhhh” as Pollypud sits in the middle of the stage and gives herself a good wash.

She walks gracefully over to the Compare, gives him a peck on the cheek as she receives her prize. (And makes no comment about the fact that the gold plate is already flaking and the rest of the awards appear to have been sent off to be “pawnished” and replaced with cheap plastic fakes [Wink] ). She then trips over her own feet and, in attempt to avoid crushing the cat, ends up head first in the orchestra pit with her better-than-Kyle’s butt in the air as the camera zooms in for a close up. The cat walks rubs herself against the Compare’s leg and then leaves the stage in search of Whiskers.

Tubbs

PS Thank you for my prize. [Yipee]

PPS Coot, that’s soooo not true. [Embarrassed]

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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am

Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
dolphy

Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862

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Mrs Tubbs, my most sincere congratulations to you!

(How long is this going to go on?... the suspense is killing me! [Ultra confused] )

--------------------
Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.

Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged



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