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Surely a much more interesting thread

Reasons at my church include:

• The verger will explain to you at some length how everything was done so much better in her previous post at ****** Cathedral
• The local youths will break into your car during the service
• The Scott restoration of the 1860's has left the interior look like a cave
• The lighting would be more in keeping in a foundry
• It still hasn't fully recovered from the disappointment of narrowly failing to be selected as the seat of a new dioscese over a century ago

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• we'll make you dance
• the deacons wear tie-dyed vestments
• lots of hugging
• pressure to do lots of things
• you're probably not cool enough

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• You will have to listen to discordant 20th century Organ voluntaries.
• You will have to listen to sermons that try to be accessible by including precis of the current films/books.
• The Dean will tell you there is no 2nd coming.
• The Archbishop will tell you Jesus did not die in our stead. But on our behalf.
• The celebrant will keep saying 'griev-i-ous' instead of 'grievous' in 1662 BCP.
  

You will have to say 'Our Mother' as well as 'Our Father' in the 'Our Father'.

You will have to hold hands during the prayers.

Someone might be tapping drums or clicking hare krishna castanets.

You will have to use the 'Gather' or 'Together in Song' hymnbooks.
Even so, the reasons we bond to churches are myriad and beyond comprehension.

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Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged

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• You'll be told (not asked) to turn to the person next to you and tell them something banal
• You'll be asked to stand up if you give 10 percent of your income to the church, and then if you remain sitting, you will be publically told in front of everyone that you should start actually doing what the Bible says
• At the tailend of an interminable, rambling, and exegesis-free discourse on "The Thoughts That Popped Into My Head Direct From The Holy Spirit And Should Therefore Be Obeyed By You Lot", you will be asked to form a circle with four complete strangers, tell them deeply personal things about yourself, and have manipulative prayer directed at you. Failure to participate will make you stand out like a sore thumb...
• Unless you are periodically waving your hands in the air and shuffling from one foot to another, the worship leader will pause after the ninth rendition of "Take Us To The River" to solomnly share the revelation that God has vouchsafed to him that "There Are People Here Today Who Have Not Been Released Into The Joy That Is Freedom In Worship", harangue the congregation for their hardness of heart for ten minutes, and then fix a beady eye upon you for the next twenty-seven repetitions. Woe betide you if you don't make like the Green Goddess on fast-forward...
• If you hang around for 17 years and then inform the leadership that you'd like to take some time out to get more perspective, there is every chance that you will be told "If you are not with us, you're against us". And all the home group leaders will be told that you have left (although you are unaware of the fact.
  

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quote:

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Originally posted by Ham'n'Eggs:
Dctmc because:

If you hang around for 17 years and then inform the leadership that you'd like to take some time out to get more perspective, there is every chance that you will be told "If you are not with us, you're against us". And all the home group leaders will be told that you have left (although you are unaware of the fact.

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ooooohhhh that makes me cross!

much sympathy.

bird

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"Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness."
Captain Jack Sparrow

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quote:

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Originally posted by Traveller:
DCTMC because... the Treasurer has just died after 20 years service and anyone who can add 2 and 2 to come up with anything close to 4 is in line for being press ganged into the post.



(Sounds of car engine revving and squeal of tyres...)

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Just tell them you can't count to 21 without getting nekkid!!

Viki

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

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TICTH the crushing irony of finally starting a thread that may make more than 12 posts to have its theme hijacked and another anti-thread started which is much better and funnier than my thread but should be in Hell but I can’t say so because I have recently posted to the effect that shipmates should not post about threads that should be moved

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Originally posted by Chapelhead:
DCTMCB if you pick the wrong week you'll see me leading the first half of the service.

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Tell us where it is and we promise not to mystery worship

[Someone else's personal information deleted]

DCTMC because my Kids will use you as a climbing frame.

[ 18 July 2002, 00:02: Message edited by: RuthW ]

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Some days you are the fly.
On other days you are the windscreen.

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Originally posted by tomb:
And I bet most of 'em are Episcopalians.

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DCTMCB ...... if you ask "where's the church?" no one could tell you but if you ask "where's the fire station ?" they would tell you and you would find our church

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• if you sit where i sit, the ministers head gets framed on three sides by the box and arm of the OHP, which is all rather distracting
  
• i shall make a scene when you sit on me
  
  clare