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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hell: mesmerised by the vicars legs?
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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266
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Posted
Hi folks here is a story on the BBC site with this wonderful quote
quote:
The hearing in York also heard an allegation made by another woman, who claimed she was "mesmerised" by Mr Brown's legs as he pressed against her on a settee in the vicarage
[ 10. March 2003, 01:09: Message edited by: Erin ]
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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp
Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001
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Ultraspike
Incensemeister
# 268
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Posted
Now why can't I ever have a vicar like that? ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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A cowgirl's work is never done.
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
Mesmerised by his legs, eh? I've seen the photo in the paper, and would have supposed an old-fashioned pocket-watch would have been more successfully mesmerising.
Now I am trying to imagine the Revd. Mr. Brown sitting on the settee, swinging his legs backwards and forwards rhythmically, and saying "You are getting very sleepy."
I notice that it is the Bishop of Carlisle (he of the rectal demons) who has removed Mr. Brown from his post.
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001
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Honest Ron Bacardi
Shipmate
# 38
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Posted
Obviously not a BCP parish then. Otherwise she would have known that "the Lord delighteth not in any man's legs" (Ps 147)
Ian
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Anglo-Cthulhic
Posts: 4857 | From: the corridors of Pah! | Registered: May 2001
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
Doesn't say she delighted in them, Ian. It says she was mesmerised by them. He could have had elephantiasis and been mesmerising. "My dear! I just couldn't take my eyes off them!"
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
Graham Dow aka + Gramsis Carionsis wrote a Grove booklet about demons etc implying common or garden demons can crop up anywhere.
Maybe he suspected it was demons infesting Mr Borwn's legs which were doing the mesmerising, and removed the legs from office as an alternative to exorcising them.
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Siegfried
Ship's ferret
# 29
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amos:
I notice that it is the Bishop of Carlisle (he of the rectal demons) who has removed Mr. Brown from his post.
Rectal demons? ![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
Sieg
Posts: 5592 | From: Tallahassee, FL USA | Registered: May 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
As a matter of record, might I note that this is the second thread that we have had on the Ship of Fools dealing, at least passim with Vicars' legs?
What is it with you people and the extremities of Church of England clergy?
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Oh so holy, Tomb - would you be so holy if we were talking about female priests here? ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
I wasn't aware that one examined limbs to sex the creature, unless one is referring to roaches.
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Do you really mean to say you cannot tell the difference between male and female legs?
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
I can tell the difference between masculine and feminine legs, but that is, conceivably, an different matter, entirely.
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
Where is the first thread? I want to read it!
Well a couple of weeks ago we had a lot of threads on Mormon doctrine, now it is vicar's legs. Obviously these things come in waves.
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Arietty:
Where is the first thread? I want to read it!
...
I probably erased it. Silly me; who wudda thunk that there existed on the Ship such a reservoir of presbyter limb fetishists.
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
Bunch of horny toad women who ought to get a life ![[Flaming]](graemlins/angryfire.gif) . The priest should have present another witness everywhere he goes since these women all want his body.
Yes, women can be depraved too. If he were ugly and short, would she have been so captivated by his legs? ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
I hope he gets the sense not to travel around anymore by himself till he is close to 80 (or even not then!)
The women should be scorned...I think they are drinking too much wine or smoking too much crack.
I never said I was fair or didn't make rash judgements...but that is how I feel after reading the article, my 2 cents.
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
who wudda thunk that there existed on the Ship such a reservoir of presbyter limb fetishists.
PLF is a serious malady and it doesn't help the sufferers any for you to make fun of them, Tomb. Shame on you.
Reader Alexis
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
Siegfried, I am reliably informed (i.e. by a source besides Fr. Fiddleback) that +Graham has opined that male homosexuality is caused by an infestation of rectal demons.
I imagine he must be virtually alone among CofE bishops in holding this opinion.
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amos:
I am reliably informed ........that +Graham has opined that male homosexuality is caused by an infestation of rectal demons.
I think there is also a view among some senior clergy that PLF (Presbyter Limb Fetishism) is caused by an infestation of limb demons in the one who is being enslaved by the fetish.
This poor lady was obviously mesmerised by Mr Brown's leg demons.
If only tomb had not deleted the other thread about vicar's legs we would obviously have seen a pattern emerging.
As a precautionary measure, I would beg everyone reading this to be very wary of your vicar's legs and pray over them and sprinkle them with holy water if you feel the slightest stirring of an unhealthy fascination with them.
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Arietty:
Maybe he suspected it was demons infesting Mr Brown's legs which were doing the mesmerising, and removed the legs from office as an alternative to exorcising them.
I misread this at first owing to a late night and thought you were referring to amputation as a possible cure, which led me to think that if I see any legless vicars around I will know why.
quote:
Originally posted by duchess:
Yes, women can be depraved too. If he were ugly and short, would she have been so captivated by his legs?
Depends on your tastes, doesn't it. I've never found tall men with long legs attractive. I like men to be a reasonable height, not look like a bloody spider. And no I don't mean that I don't like them to have more than 2 legs, although that is true.
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Pheonix
Twisted fire starter
# 2782
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Posted
Just for the sake of equality shouldn't we have a thread discussing legs of the female clergy?
Posts: 2384 | From: on the move. | Registered: May 2002
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
I misread this at first owing to a late night and thought you were referring to amputation as a possible cure, which led me to think that if I see any legless vicars around I will know why.
I think amputation would probably be scriptural, on the same basis as we are told to pluck out our right eye if it offends us. Possibly Mr Brown was offered defrocking as an alternative, showing the extent to which namby-pamby liberal do-gooding has infested the C of E nowadays.
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
I've never found tall men with long legs attractive. I like men to be a reasonable height, not look like a bloody spider. And no I don't mean that I don't like them to have more than 2 legs, although that is true.
We are not told Mr Brown's height. If the woman's reaction to his legs was caused by demonic PLF then his height and other attributes would be irrelevant. It can strike anywhere. However, I believe Anglo-Catholic vicars are particularly prone to it, which is why they wear long vestements as a preventative measure.
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
I thought I should help this discussion along by declaring that I have NEVER been interested in any way in our vicar's legs. Especially not when he wears shorts.
And historically, I have never been attracted to any of the ( usually hairy ) legs of any of the clergy I have known.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
Sorry Ariel, I see we are in fact told in the BBC story that quote:
Mr Brown said: "I remember the occasion, but I don't remember her being mesmerised by my legs.
"I'm 6ft 3ins with long legs, the couch was small."
We are also told quote:
Mr Brown is appealing against the revocation of his licence before the Archbishop of York, Dr David Hope in what is believed to be the first hearing of its kind for a decade.
So it appears leg mesmerism has occurred before. Although there is only one hearing every ten years, that is probably just the tip of the iceberg.
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Being 6 foot 3 with a small couch is definitely not a vote winner in my view. A man of that size is clearly under-endowed in the couch department, and ought to have one in proportion to his size.
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Honest Ron Bacardi
Shipmate
# 38
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Posted
Arietty's sig - Rend your heart, and not your garments - Joel 2:25 - has always had me a bit puzzled. But now I see it. It was the Israelites way of avoiding what we now know scientifically to be PLF syndrome. It is inevitable that serious bouts of clothes-rending expose legs in plenty, so Joel's message is really just the mythological way earlier cultures would deal with the problem.
Ian
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Anglo-Cthulhic
Posts: 4857 | From: the corridors of Pah! | Registered: May 2001
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Callan
Shipmate
# 525
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Posted
Originally posted by Amos:
quote:
Siegfried, I am reliably informed (i.e. by a source besides Fr. Fiddleback) that +Graham has opined that male homosexuality is caused by an infestation of rectal demons.
The story I heard (amazing what one learns at theological college) was that the Bishop held a clergy study day which, with monotonous predictability ended up being a lecture on the evils of homosexuality. The Bishop ran through the gamut of arguments against homosexual practice from the sophisticated to the crude to the plain bizarre ending with the supposition that during homosexual intercourse demons can enter the body through the "rectum". At which point a camp voice was heard to opine: "Oooh, so that's what it is".
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How easy it would be to live in England, if only one did not love her. - G.K. Chesterton
Posts: 9757 | From: Citizen of the World | Registered: Jun 2001
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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
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Posted
PLF is much less of an affliction than Presbyter Buns Fetishism (or bottom if you're not into the vernacular). I can say no more - it's all too horribly painful....
I noticed in the BBC article that 'accused vicar' 'couldn't remember' trying to French Kiss a female parishioner. Reminds me of a few parties I've been to in my time...... Though as a tried and tested pastoral visiting technique it probably leaves something to be desired. ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:
PLF is much less of an affliction than Presbyter Buns Fetishism
Presumably this is when you are mesmerised by your vicar's rock cakes?
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Arietty:
As a precautionary measure, I would beg everyone reading this to be very wary of your vicar's legs and pray over them and sprinkle them with holy water if you feel the slightest stirring of an unhealthy fascination with them.
Could I get my cat to sprinkle them with <ahem> holy water?
Viki, always willingly to lower the tone
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
I always notice the legs of my fellow clergy insofar as I am able seeing that so few of them have been either defrocked or debagged.
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amos:
I always notice the legs of my fellow clergy insofar as I am able seeing that so few of them have been either defrocked or debagged.
Amos, you are hereby commissioned to arrange a social evening in the local swimming pool. They start inspecting all the clergy legs for demons. Tis now part of your Christian Duty.
Either that, or hold a pool part for your next birthday and only invite Rev.s along.
Is this strictly an Anglican thing? Do others need to be wary? Does it only effect Rev.s or has it been know to effect local preachers as well?
bb
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
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Callan
Shipmate
# 525
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Posted
Originally posted by Babybear:
quote:
Is this strictly an Anglican thing? Do others need to be wary? Does it only effect Rev.s or has it been know to effect local preachers as well?
![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif) Naturally limbic demons would only infest the legs of the Anglican clergy and other members of the Church Catholic (i.e. those with the historic episcopate). For, as has been observed, the Prince of Darkness is a Gentleman which rules out the possibility that he is also a dissenter. Even the minions of Beelzebub have standards.
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How easy it would be to live in England, if only one did not love her. - G.K. Chesterton
Posts: 9757 | From: Citizen of the World | Registered: Jun 2001
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Nunc Dimittis:
Debagged?
Trousers removed.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
We do?
I mean we do.
Viki
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Professor Yaffle:
Naturally limbic demons would only infest the legs of the Anglican clergy and other members of the Church Catholic (i.e. those with the historic episcopate). For, as has been observed, the Prince of Darkness is a Gentleman which rules out the possibility that he is also a dissenter. Even the minions of Beelzebub have standards.
I pour scorn on your opinions! The children are having beans for dinner, and afterwards I shall point their farts in your general direction.
May your lions be infested with the fleas of a thousand camels and may all the heathen tribes steal the flea collars of your cats.
(In love, naturally)
bb
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
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Bagpuss
Magical saggy cloth cat
# 2925
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Posted
Well I must confess to having a bit of a thing about choir dress! Nothing like a good do with a load of them all kitted out - even the oldies look half decent!
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amos:
I notice that it is the Bishop of Carlisle (he of the rectal demons) who has removed Mr. Brown from his post.
If Mr. Brown has such mesmerising legs, I'd think he wouldn't need such artificial stimuli, and I guess the Bishop would want it back to deal with his own demons.
I'm going to run away very fast now, depending on how quickly that one sinks in...
As it were.
David
merrily dragging this thread even further into the gutter
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
Curiously, bb, we have a canal in our town. This may be just the occasion to use it.
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001
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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
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Posted
Given the recent increase in the numbers of people being thrown into canals twill be a wonder that there will be any water left!
bb
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by ChastMastr:
If Mr. Brown has such mesmerising legs, I'd think he wouldn't need such artificial stimuli, and I guess the Bishop would want it back to deal with his own demons.
No, no David. No.
You are talking about removing a post from Mr Brown, not Mr Brown from his post.
[All that UBB, and just one mistake ![[Smile]](smile.gif) ]
[ 08. September 2002, 13:10: Message edited by: sarkycow ]
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
O.M.G.
I make a clever little comment, and it gets turned into a syndrome.
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Arrietty:
quote:
Originally posted by ChastMastr:
If Mr. Brown has such mesmerising legs, I'd think he wouldn't need such artificial stimuli, and I guess the Bishop would want it back to deal with his own demons.
No, no David. No.
You are talking about removing a post from Mr Brown, not Mr Brown from his post.
Aha! Thank you for rectifying that...
David
up way too late
[Preview post is your friend - this was a simple copying error!]
[ 08. September 2002, 13:13: Message edited by: sarkycow ]
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
O.M.G.
I make a clever little comment, and it gets turned into a syndrome.
tomb
Now you mention it, I have been concerned for some time that you are showing al the symptoms of CCISS (Clever Comment Into Syndrome Syndrome).
I think there is a support group you can join.
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Bagpuss
Magical saggy cloth cat
# 2925
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Posted
The vicar sat next to me in the pew this morning as his curate presided at the Eucharist and I must admit to being mesmerised by his lovely scented self - aftershave/deoderant who knows but he smelt yummy
Posts: 473 | Registered: Jun 2002
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Bagpuss:
The vicar sat next to me in the pew this morning as his curate presided at the Eucharist and I must admit to being mesmerised by his lovely scented self - aftershave/deoderant who knows but he smelt yummy
This is just the sort of statement that shows why men should not be ordained. Far too distracting. How on earth are any of us to think of our spiritual lives while they waft fragrantly about the church on their stork-like legs mesmerising people?
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Arietty:
quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:
PLF is much less of an affliction than Presbyter Buns Fetishism
Presumably this is when you are mesmerised by your vicar's rock cakes?
Whatever sails your boat, honey...!
Frankly, I always believed that at the moment of ordination, The Grace of Desexualization came into operation, whereby everyone who viewed you thereafter was unable to see you in any way as a sexual human being? ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
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Posts: 10002 | From: Scotland the Brave | Registered: Jul 2002
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
How long did it take you to discover that you were wrong?
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001
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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
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Posted
Actually, Amos, I felt, rather ruefully, like adding the final comment 'well, it worked for me!'
I am sure there are many good reasons why I'm not a bloke-magnet; but being a member of the clergy is pretty high up on the list. At times, it's all I can do to remind people that I wasn't born a Revd!
[Did you want to rolleyes? I don't care you are now]
[ 07. September 2002, 22:01: Message edited by: Nightlamp ]
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Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!
Posts: 10002 | From: Scotland the Brave | Registered: Jul 2002
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