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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hell: Signs of the End Times
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
This is what happens when you take a late lunch at home and watch cable TV ("Where are They Now?") while the chili's heating up on the stove:
It seems that Jennifer Flowers has a jazz club in New Orleans. You remember Jennifer: she was Boinkin' Bill Clinton's squeeze before he discovered Monica and tobacco. Dearly as I loved the man as a president and would vote for him again, it never ceases to amaze me that Hillary didn't cut off his nuts with a dull rusted blade. Jennifer can't sing, but I doubt that's any consolation to Hillary.
There there is Bernard Goetz. He was the gormless "subway vigilante" who took out a couple of guys on the Long Island express who were trying to shake him down. These days Bernie is dressed up in a green pea costume and trying to save the world (or at least Manhattan) through vegetarianism. I stand in awe of anybody who can sublimate their rage to such an extent. It could be worse, I suppose; he could be selling used cars in New Jersey.
The rapture index on the gangway of the Ship notwithstanding, I am beginning to become somewhat convinced that the Eskaton is imminent. I mean, really. If God was exasperated in the Days of Noah, he's gotta be at the end of his rope about now.
Anybody else have any signs to add?
[ 10. March 2003, 00:32: Message edited by: Erin ]
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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David
Complete Bastard
# 3
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Posted
A new "reality" TV show (oxymoron) in which they empty the contents of a person's house onto the front lawn and laugh.
Posts: 3815 | From: Redneck Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
Oh David! Don't get me started on "reality" TV.
The Offspring encouraged me to watch "American Idol" this evening. I became even more convinced that the End Times are upon us.
Can any of these people be so @#$%*&#$%SD stupid that they think they have talent? Where is modesty? Where is humility? Where, for God's sake, is the most basic self-referential evaluation that these people really need to become salespeople and managers who will be tremendously successful through threatening their prospects/employees with the horror of their singing?
*Buy this fucking car NOW, or I'll torture you with my scintillating version of To Dream the Impossible Dream until the loan approval comes through.*
God really needs to suck us up now in some eschatological vacuum cleaner before we do more damage to our souls.
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Rossweisse
High Church Valkyrie
# 2349
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
...Anybody else have any signs to add?
Yes. In recent weeks I've been getting up at 6:30 am on Sundays to go to church (another one than my usual) at 8 as well as (my usual) 10. This is clearly a sign of the End Times, as God did not intend me to be functional before about noon.
Rossweisse // remarkably crabby at that hour
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I'm not dead yet.
Posts: 15117 | From: Valhalla | Registered: Feb 2002
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
Let alone that your are evincing the sin of a Divided Mind.
Eating Jesus more than once a day probably annoys Him.
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
That tomb is hellhost emeritus is a sign of the end times? I took it as a sign that we had won a reprieve.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Willyburger
Ship's barber
# 658
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
That tomb is hellhost emeritus is a sign of the end times?
No, just that he watched American Idol. ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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Willy, Unix Bigot, Esq.
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Why is it that every time I go out to buy bookshelves, I come home with more books?
Posts: 835 | From: Arizona, US | Registered: Jul 2001
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Ley Druid
Ship's chemist
# 3246
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Posted
Revelation 9:12 quote:
The first woe has passed; behold, two woes are still to come.
Posts: 1188 | Registered: Aug 2002
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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ley Druid:
Revelation 9:12 quote:
The first woe has passed; behold, two woes are still to come.
Today, my Clerk of Chambers sent me a picture of George Bush wearing the One Ring.
The French have turned pacifist and yearn for joint citizenship with the Germans - and the Czechs are going home with their Defence Minister. Oh and apparently there's a Greek hit-list - but you can pay to stay off it.
Here in Sydney, Don Burke (who is sadly Australia's answer to Alan Titchmarsh and Charlie Dimmock) has shaved off his beard.
We're all going to die.
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2^8, eight bits to a byte
Posts: 3967 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
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Wood
The Milkman of Human Kindness
# 7
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
The Offspring encouraged me to watch "American Idol" this evening. I became even more convinced that the End Times are upon us.
You got that from us Brits, you know.
Truly Simon Cowell is the Antichrist. ![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
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Narcissism.
Posts: 7842 | From: Wood Towers | Registered: Apr 2001
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Paul W.
Shipmate
# 1450
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Posted
quote:
Posted by Duo seraphim:
Today, my Clerk of Chambers sent me a picture of George Bush wearing the One Ring.
George Bush / One Ring pic
Paul W
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"It's just a ride" - Bill Hicks
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Flickr
Posts: 2835 | From: Leeds, UK | Registered: Oct 2001
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
That nobody makes or grows anything anymore. And that the poor buggers who are trying to make and grow stuff are being shat upon by the IMF
P
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by David:
A new "reality" TV show (oxymoron) in which they empty the contents of a person's house onto the front lawn and laugh.
That sounds like what neighbors normally do when someone moves in or out of a house. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Usually they laugh to themselves, though.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Consolidation of huge multinational conglomerates. As soon as they're all one big corporation, the CEO of same will be the antichrist, and the end will proceed apace.
Reader Alexis
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Presleyterian
Shipmate
# 1915
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Posted
OK, tomb. Now, to quote Merle, you're walking on the fighting' side of me.
1. It's Gennifer Flowers, not Jennifer. And it would have to be, now wouldn't it?
2. No cracks about her professional credentials in the chanteuse department. When they met met, Gennifer was the headliner -- the headliner, I tell you -- at the cocktail lounge of a Ramada Inn in Little Rock, Arkansas.
3. Unlike You-Know-Who, Gennifer never gossiped about her Main Squeeze to a Republican with a tape recorder and had sense enough to take her clothes to the dry cleaner when, uh, well, when they needed it.
4. She Stood By Her Man in a way that that humorless pain Hillary never did. She did the hono(u)rable thing and lied to the press for years about their relationship and spilled the beans only after he denied her in public.
5. I went as Gennifer Flowers for Halloween in 1993 and actually fooled a regular member of the White House press corps.
Posts: 2450 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2001
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Scarlet
Mellon Collie
# 1738
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Posted
The curtain call is over now that they're cloning humans or pretending to - whichever.
I thought it was over when they cloned the sheep ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
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They took from their surroundings what was needed... and made of it something more.
—dialogue from Primer
Posts: 4769 | Registered: Nov 2001
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Laura
General nuisance
# 10
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Posted
I thought people suing McDonalds for making them fat (in the "have you no shame or self-reference" category) was a harbinger of Doom, but the case was thrown out yesterday.
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Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. - Erich Fromm
Posts: 16883 | From: East Coast, USA | Registered: Apr 2001
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Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28
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Posted
it's amazing how much less it seems like the ed times when you don't know what the current crop of tv shows are. trust me on this, guys. cut out the tube and things seem ever so much brighter.
i made the mistake of reading an article on up coming shows on the way in to work today, and it sunk me into deep gloom.
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On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!
Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Presleyterian:
I went as Gennifer Flowers for Halloween in 1993 and actually fooled a regular member of the White House press corps.
![[Not worthy!]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Presleyterian
Shipmate
# 1915
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Posted
Of course, some might suggest that it's no great compliment if 30 minutes, a 40-gallon drum of Aquanet, and a trowel are all that's needed to turn one into a reasonable facsimile of a big-haired, bleached-out, southern-fried skank mama. But in the immortal words of Prime Minister Francis Urquhart, "You might think that. I couldn't possibly comment."
Posts: 2450 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2001
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Inanna
Ship's redhead
# 538
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Posted
Well, for anyone watching the current seasons of Buffy and Angel, there's definite Apocalypses on the way in both Sunnydale and LA....
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All shall be well
And all shall be well
And all manner of things shall be well.
Posts: 1495 | From: Royal Oak, MI | Registered: Jun 2001
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Ultraspike
Incensemeister
# 268
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
There there is Bernard Goetz. He was the gormless "subway vigilante" who took out a couple of guys on the Long Island express who were trying to shake him down. These days Bernie is dressed up in a green pea costume and trying to save the world (or at least Manhattan) through vegetarianism. I stand in awe of anybody who can sublimate their rage to such an extent. It could be worse, I suppose; he could be selling used cars in New Jersey.
Just a pedantic aside, tomb, it was the #2 subway train that Bernie went off on. And yes, surely a sign of the end if he's preaching vegetarianism to save Manhattan. But I think Bloomie's fight to rid our bars of cigarette smoke is the greatest sign I've seen. March 30 may be the day New York stands still. ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
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A cowgirl's work is never done.
Posts: 2732 | From: NYC | Registered: May 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
Presley, a 40 gallon drum of Aquanet? Lordy, girl, it's a good thing you didn't get close to anybody smoking a cigarette. You'd have gone up like an acetylene torch. Nowadays, they'd never let you in the door with that kind of goop in your haar. They'd assume you were a terrorist (or as GW says, a "terrist"). Might as well strap dynamite to yourself.
However, that you fooled a member of the White House press corps doesn't surprise me in the least. The President has been doing that ever since he took office--shoot, even that pie-faced boobie Ari Flescher has been doing it, and I have a suspicion that you're a teensy bit smarter than either of those boys--or both of them put together, for that matter. Enjoy the compliment, by the way. It's the last one you'll ever get from me.
But all this reminds me of another sign of the End Times: Gary Hart is actually considering running for President again, assuming that nobody cares anymore that he dared the Press to catch him fooling around with Donna Rice, which they did. Given what those two were wearing on that boat, however, I don't think Donna had to worry too much about a drycleaning bill. But even though I liked his voting record when he was a Colorado senator, I work on the fool-me-once--fool- me-twice principle. Not that I'd vote for a Republican if that SOB got the nomination, mind you. I may have principles, but I don't carry them to extremes.
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Presleyterian
Shipmate
# 1915
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Posted
Along with the reappearance of Mr. Hartpence is the concomitant reascendance of Donna Rice, his former "power mower"(as I once saw a Texas court reporter spell the term), as a leading anti-smut crusader -- which gives a whole new meaning to "Monkey Business."
Posts: 2450 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2001
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Laura
General nuisance
# 10
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Posted
Oh. My. God. Not. Gary. Hart. Please.
Please.
Who could forget his "I dare you to find me out"? On the other hand, ordinary infidelity in marriage for a Presidential candidate seems to pale in comparison to the whole spinach dip spectacle we were treated to a few years back.
Love that Urquhart line, though, Presleyterian. It's frequently used in my household. Also, "no background and no bottom!" When I watch it, I have to fast forward through all the "Dadddyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"s. I like Susannah Harker too much to see her thrown off a parapet fifty times in the course of a few hours.
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Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. - Erich Fromm
Posts: 16883 | From: East Coast, USA | Registered: Apr 2001
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Nunc Dimittis
Seamstress of Sound
# 848
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Posted
quote:
Here in Sydney, Don Burke (who is sadly Australia's answer to Alan Titchmarsh and Charlie Dimmock) has shaved off his beard.
Don Burke has shaved off his beard??? ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
But he can't do that! I mean, it just wouldn't look like him...
End Times indeed. ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
Posts: 9515 | From: Delta Quadrant | Registered: Jul 2001
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tomb
Shipmate
# 174
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Presleyterian:
Along with the reappearance of Mr. Hartpence is the concomitant reascendance of Donna Rice, his former "power mower"(as I once saw a Texas court reporter spell the term), as a leading anti-smut crusader -- which gives a whole new meaning to "Monkey Business."
Gee, do you think Merle could make a song about that? Power tools, cheating, smut, and finding Gawd. The possibilities are endless.
"Power mower." I will remember that until the day I die.
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
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Squirrel
Shipmate
# 3040
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Posted
"Reverend" Al Sharpton has announced his candidacy for President of the United States. I don't know if he's the Antichrist, but he sure as hell could be "The Beast."
His odds of making it are just about zero, but, to cover all possibilities, can anyone advise me on the process of becoming a Canadian citizen?
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"The moral is to the physical as three is to one."
- Napoleon
"Five to one."
- George S. Patton
Posts: 1014 | From: Gotham City - Brain of the Great Satan | Registered: Jul 2002
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ley Druid:
Revelation 9:12 quote:
The first woe has passed; behold, two woes are still to come.
Does that mean that the world ends with with a "doo wop" song?
(Backup girls singing "woe woe woe") ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Timothy L
Shipmate
# 2170
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Posted
Top Ten Reasons This Is The End Times:
10) Bible says so
09) Hollywood sez so (but won't admit it)
08) U.S. Govment sez so (ditto)
07) U.N. Anti-Christy Govment sez so (double ditto)
06) Ted Turner made an "end of the world tape" for CNN
05) Israel is a State
04) Helicopters look like critters out of "Book of Revelation"
03) McDonald's went from saying on their marquees " XXXX Hamburgers Sold" to "Billions of Hamburgers Sold"
02) The INTERNET
And the number one reason is...
01) My life sucks, even the End Times have to be better than this!
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Timothy
Posts: 757 | From: Kalamazoo | Registered: Jan 2002
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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266
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Posted
Well it is the end times because a 'sterile' mule has given birth to a foal and it has been confirmed by DNA tests .
According to the radio the locals say it is a sign of the end of everything.
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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp
Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001
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Assistant Village Idiot
Shipmate
# 3266
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Posted
nicole is correct. With no TV, this year doesn't look any worse than last.
I look worse, but that's a different story.
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formerly Logician
Posts: 885 | From: New Hampshire, US | Registered: Sep 2002
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Nightlamp:
Well it is the end times because a 'sterile' mule has given birth to a foal and it has been confirmed by DNA tests .
According to the radio the locals say it is a sign of the end of everything.
More than fifty years ago two hybrid bears at the Washington zoo produced a cub. This is the same improbability has two mules reproducing.
The cub was on exhibit at the zoo. He was named Gene.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266
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Posted
It was a mule and a donkey.
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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp
Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001
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Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28
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Posted
oh god. logician agreed with sonething i said.
now THATS a sign of the end times!
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On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!
Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
Nicole reckons Lifeman is attractive. That's a sign that her time has ended.
Viki
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28
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Posted
quote:
Nicole reckons Lifeman is attractive. That's a sign that her time has ended.
and just what the f* is this supposed to mean? ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
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On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!
Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001
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Assistant Village Idiot
Shipmate
# 3266
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Posted
Nicole, you sound like about 50% of my work friends, so I'm likely to agree with you sometime. About something. Maybe.
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formerly Logician
Posts: 885 | From: New Hampshire, US | Registered: Sep 2002
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Laura
General nuisance
# 10
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Posted
NPR yesterday reported on the furore in West Virginia at a network's attempt to locate a "hillbilly" family to do a reality TV show based on the old show The Beverly Hillbillies ("Come Listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed, used to work all day just to keep his fam'ly fed...") in which they wish to place a real rural mountain family in Beverly Hills.
This is the last sign.
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Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. - Erich Fromm
Posts: 16883 | From: East Coast, USA | Registered: Apr 2001
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