Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hell: F*$#! in the middle of the service.
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Presleyterian
Shipmate
# 1915
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Posted
12:15 - Pvawiggin starts searching for a new place to worship as long as the current regime is running the squirrel cage.
Many pastors' spouses make substantial contributions to the life of the church and for that we should be grateful. But I, too, have seen pastors insinuate their wives into inappropriate places in the liturgy. One such spouse we nicknamed "Sophia" after Francis Ford Coppola ruined "Godfather III" by giving his untalented daughter of that name the starring role.
And welcome, pvawiggin. I'll try not to call you any names behind your back.
Posts: 2450 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2001
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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Anselmina: just a knee-jerk reaction...not serious.... I repent immediately for even suggesting it......
But you are still smiling at the thought, aren't you.
bb
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
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Acolyte
Shipmate
# 3989
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Posted
[glancing around, nervously clutching a brand new set of asbestos undies...]
One of my vivid moments of @#$%**(#$% - in a sort of deep-indrawn-breath-of-horror type way - is the occasion years ago when I helped lead some music at an *informal* evening worship service at our Anglican church. A visiting vicar from across the city joined us and wanted to lead us in a new song. Next thing we know this character, in a green two-piece tracksuit and large white Reeboks (that sort of intensely informal look some clergy adopt sometimes), launched into some of the worst liturgical dancing I have ever seen... swooping down and then lifting up his hands to heaven, and worst of all, forcing everyone to do it with him, for the song 'Lord I Lift Your Name on High'... I swear, I could not look at anyone for fear of laughing or crying. I have never been so glad of being a guitar player - I clutched my instrument with grim determination, my eyes boring holes in the music... I thought it would never end.
This wasn't as traumatizing or offensive as in some of the other posts I've read, but I do get p*** when aspects of worship are are approached in such appallingly amateurish ways that I cringe, and feel embarassed to be there, instead of edified. And usually, liturgical dance just goes right off the scale in terms of that 'cringe factor.' (I have seen trained dancers move into unplanned, personal and worshipful dance, who look as though they are touching heaven, but not often, and that's not what I'm talking about here!) Some of the most tasteless and appalling things are done under the name of liturgical dance.
I've just read Annie Dillard's brilliant essay 'An Expedition to the Pole' in which she writes "A high-school stage play is more polished than this one service we have been rehearsing since the year one. In two thousand years, we have not worked out the kinks. We positively glorify them... Week after week, we witness the same miracle: that God, for reasons unfathomable, refrains from blowing our dancing bear act to smithereens."
Amen. Indeed... Sunday tomorrow!
Posts: 78 | Registered: Jan 2003
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Proteus
Apprentice
# 4020
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Posted
Last week the worship leader at my church was asked to be more 'mellow' in his worship leading. As a particularly arty musician he got pissed off towards the end of the meeting, threw his acoustic guitar at the bass player and picked up his electric. I have to say I agreed with his sentiments!
Posts: 10 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2003
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MadKaren
Shipmate
# 1033
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Posted
Throwing guitars at people!!! His feelings yes, his way of dealing with them no. I hope the bass player threw it back.
MadKaren
-------------------- -- Why do people who claim to love God embarrass him in public?
Posts: 866 | From: Jumping along the line between genius and insanity.... | Registered: Aug 2001
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Clay_Pigeon
Mathematics
# 2516
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Posted
A missionary came to a church I briefly attended and told us that (regarding the masses in poverty and hunger around the world) it does no good to send food aid to those people, because food aid does not change their eternal destination.
He also told us that we should spend our money on bare essentials and give the rest to missions.
If the pastor hadn't been so nice to me when I first moved into town, I would have walked out immediately.
-Troy
-------------------- THAT'S IT! NOW I'M PISSED!. You're so off my prayer list. -Was Once Troy
Posts: 599 | From: Northeast Ohio | Registered: Mar 2002
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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by babybear: quote: Originally posted by Anselmina: just a knee-jerk reaction...not serious.... I repent immediately for even suggesting it......
But you are still smiling at the thought, aren't you.
bb
I'll work on repenting of that, too!
-------------------- Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!
Posts: 10002 | From: Scotland the Brave | Registered: Jul 2002
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jlg
What is this place? Why am I here?
# 98
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Posted
(Perhaps we should start a support group for all those of us who are smirking along with you, Anselmina, and failing to repent. )
quote: Posted by Acolyte: <snip> And usually, liturgical dance just goes right off the scale in terms of that 'cringe factor.' (I have seen trained dancers move into unplanned, personal and worshipful dance, who look as though they are touching heaven, but not often, and that's not what I'm talking about here!) Some of the most tasteless and appalling things are done under the name of liturgical dance. <snip>
You'll enjoy the Liturgical Dance Fever thread in MW, Acolyte!
Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001
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Zeke
Ship's Inquirer
# 3271
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Posted
I remember a pastor at a church I no longer attend who would give a "sermon in song" about twice a year. After a classical anthem done by a choir of 50, he went to a piano he had arranged to be put in the front and center and proceeded to ramble semicoherently, playing chords all the while like a religious Steve Allen. From time to time he would be moved to break into a worship chorus of some sort, singing it over several times, presumably vamping until he could think of something else to say. It was appallingly tacky, and artistically painful to those of us in the choir, who unfortunately were not allowed to walk out.
Posts: 5259 | From: Deep in the American desert | Registered: Sep 2002
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Zeke
Ship's Inquirer
# 3271
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Posted
The really amazing part was that there were certain members who adored it, and considered it to be a real treat, apparently one of the high spots of their year.
-------------------- No longer the Bishop of Durham ----------- If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? --Benjamin Franklin
Posts: 5259 | From: Deep in the American desert | Registered: Sep 2002
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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Acolyte: Week after week, we witness the same miracle: that God, for reasons unfathomable, refrains from blowing our dancing bear act to smithereens."
I state categorically that I have not been dancing during any services in over 15 years!
It was not me, and even if it was, it was not an act, it was worship!
bb
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
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LittleTotty
Shipmate
# 3798
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Posted
A couple of years ago a preacher came from London to speak at our church opening with "Who's happy here today? I'm SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY!! I've got a gorgeous wife, beautiful children..." and on and so forth leaving most of the congregation bemused and some decidedly NOT happy at his insinuation that we, like him, should be SOOOOOOOOOO HAAAPPY...Grr.
Posts: 172 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2002
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Thurible
Shipmate
# 3206
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Posted
"In the name of the Creator, the Redeemer and the Sanctifier," always annoys me. What's wrong with "Father, Son and Holy Spirit"?
Thurible
-------------------- "I've been baptised not lobotomised."
Posts: 8049 | Registered: Aug 2002
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chukovsky
Ship's toddler
# 116
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Posted
Er, maybe different words help you to think about the multi-faceted characters of the different persons of God??
-------------------- This space left intentionally blank. Do not write on both sides of the paper at once.
Posts: 6842 | From: somewhere else | Registered: May 2001
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Mr. Spouse
Ship's Pedant
# 3353
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Posted
So sound guy turns on CD player for "Kids Song" bit. Totally distorted sound; youth leader attempts to do best she can.
I feel like shouting F*$#! but refrain. As I am that sound guy...
-------------------- Try to have a thought of your own, thinking is so important. - Blackadder
Posts: 1814 | From: Here, there & everywhere | Registered: Sep 2002
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Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
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Posted
My old church was involved in a joint project to fund a youth centre along with other churches in the area. Once the centre was ready to open, there was a joint service organised by all the churches involved as an act of celebration.
Each church did their bit but one of the churches section was entirely about the project they ran in the same area - which had nothing to do with the joint project everyone was celebrating.
A young girl from the church then sang a solo. She had a wonderful - but completely untrained voice - and kept taking loud gulps of air before the start of each verse. She also had someone standing behind her during this process waving hands above her like a charismatic weeble.
After this section of the service was over, the leaders from that church then got up and walked out so they wouldn't miss the start of their own evening service. How rude ...
Tubbs
-------------------- "It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
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terce
Shipmate
# 966
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Posted
I was around 19, and a leader at a kid's camp run by a missionary group. The study leader (sorry, he was American) told us that years ago, he had vowed never to eat breakfast until he had witnessed to someone. "And Aaahh've never missed out on breakfast yet!"
He then challenged us, very strongly, to make the same vow as he had made. I was mortified, because I could not make that vow as I would have missed out on most breakfasts.
I felt that I was letting God down, but also had to be honest. I was too young to confront this man about his spiritual abuse.
-------------------- Visit Mustard Bush Faith Community online: www.musbush.ucaqld.com.au
Posts: 145 | From: 27 28 S, 153 02 E | Registered: Jul 2001
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pvawiggin
Apprentice
# 4059
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Presleyterian: 12:15 - Many pastors' spouses make substantial contributions to the life of the church and for that we should be grateful...
Thanks for the welcome!
Yes, there are some pastors' spouses that are alright - my mother is one, actually.
I try to make allowances considering I was once on the other side as a pastor's kid but I can be very critical for the same reason.
Posts: 6 | From: Upstate New York | Registered: Feb 2003
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pvawiggin
Apprentice
# 4059
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Posted
Gripe of the day...
Some idiot posted my email address in the church directory... now the pastor's wife is sending me morning "devotionals" - typed ALL IN CAPS.
Posts: 6 | From: Upstate New York | Registered: Feb 2003
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jlg
What is this place? Why am I here?
# 98
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by pvawiggin: Gripe of the day...
Some idiot posted my email address in the church directory... now the pastor's wife is sending me morning "devotionals" - typed ALL IN CAPS.
You have my deepest and most sincere sympathies, pvawiggin (I bet they're similar to the ones a friend sends me).
"Let us "
Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001
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Zach82
Shipmate
# 3208
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Posted
Gracious, I've hardly got the wits to eat in the morning. But seriously, trying to explain theology before noon?
Zach
-------------------- Don't give up yet, no, don't ever quit/ There's always a chance of a critical hit. Ghost Mice
Posts: 9148 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: Aug 2002
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ReginaShoe
Shipmate
# 4076
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Posted
I attended an Assembly of God church for a while that, as a whole, seriously bought into this whole "you can't be a real Christian if you don't vote Republican" thing. As a closet liberal, this caused me no end of internal "F*$#!" moments, such as:
From a Sunday School teacher: "Democrats just don't have the same values that we Christians do."
From another Sunday School teacher: "So we've established that God's special blessing is on America." (And though not in so many words, he had just been going on about how God loved Americans better than everybody else.) "So why do you think God established the United States?" I was too stunned to blurt out what I was thinking, which was, "He had something against the people who were already living here at the time?"
(By which I would mean no disrespect to the founding fathers of the U.S.A., or to the country itself, which is composed of many wonderful people -- I just don't see the U.S. government as the direct agent of God on most matters, as this gentleman seemed to do.)
Oh, and then there was the Independence Day service, which was such an over-the-top orgy of patriotism that it only qualified as a "worship service" if worshipping the flag counts. We're talking people marching up the aisle in Revolutionary War costumes playing flute and drums, multimedia presentations ending with an inspiring shot of the U.S. flag, and of course the pastor passionately singing Lee Greenwood's "I'm Proud to Be an American" with loud taped accompaniment.
Again, nothing wrong with patriotism, but I came to worship *God*, not a particular nation of some of his children...
(Now that I'm at a Mennonite church, that service - tributes to the branches of the military included - seems rather surreal. But then, my current church has had its own moments, particularly for my closet conservative husband.)
-------------------- "If you have any poo, fling it now." - Mason the chimp
Posts: 598 | From: Colorado | Registered: Feb 2003
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PeachyKeenJellybean
Shipmate
# 4077
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Posted
I have such several "aw %^@$" moments...this is one of them...
I was at church in Indiana and I found in my hymnal an old bulletin...and in that bulletin, there's this quote:
"Going to church does not make you a Christian any more than being in a garage makes you a car."
Hey...that is what my nominally Catholic family said and they attend services at St Bloomingdales. I wish I can find the bozo who thought first of that quote and read him the riot act. Christians aren't an island to themselves and if they do not acknowledge the Church as their mother, they do not have God as their father.
Posts: 110 | Registered: Feb 2003
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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
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Posted
I remember hearing Billy Graham coming out with that gem. I don't know if he coined the phrase though.
bb
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
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anglicanrascal
Shipmate
# 3412
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by babybear: I remember hearing Billy Graham coming out with that gem. I don't know if he coined the phrase though.
Nahh, it was St Augustine.
Posts: 3186 | From: Diocese of Litigalia | Registered: Oct 2002
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Robert Armin
All licens'd fool
# 182
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Posted
Augustine foresaw cars and garages?
-------------------- Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin
Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001
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Aldo
Apprentice
# 4084
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Posted
Sorry to say it my biggest F*$~! moment has been reading this discussion. It has become a self parody!
Posts: 1 | Registered: Feb 2003
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Zeke
Ship's Inquirer
# 3271
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Posted
Well, rah-tee-tah. As a newcomer, you are certainly nervy to use your first post like this. Welcome to the Ship, and may your future experiences be more enlightening.
-------------------- No longer the Bishop of Durham ----------- If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? --Benjamin Franklin
Posts: 5259 | From: Deep in the American desert | Registered: Sep 2002
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
A veritable crop of newbies here indeed. Welcome to y'all, and congratulations on registering and posting (especially first posts in Hell, ). Feel free to wander the decks, and both read and post on the other boards. Do take a minute to read both the 10 Commandments, and also the guidelines specific to each board.
Finally, a note to everyone else: Yes, we're in hell, but remember apprentices get cut some slack even so. Make light with your flames *stern frown*
Viki, hellhost
-------------------- “Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Bunt Wellington
Apprentice
# 3577
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Posted
I recall the congregation being admonished one morning for not singing "joyfully enough". Our noses were stuck in the hymn books and we weren't raising our voices in praise. I was given several direct looks, since I'm well known to be an anti-social renegade within the group. I closed the hymnal and stared as threateningly as possible at the pulpit for the remainder of the song service. Several phrases crossed my mind but I was not tempted to utter any of them out loud. I'm well known as the one who does not participate in the "turn and shake a brother's hand" or the responsive readings.
Posts: 2 | From: Portsmouth | Registered: Nov 2002
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St. Punk the Pious
Biblical™ Punk
# 683
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Posted
Bunt, I hate that, too.
"Be happy NOW!"
One time, this "worship" leader was obnoxiously happy happy and yacky yacky. In the midst of his act, he said, "Some of you probably wish I would shut up." I immediately responded, "Yes," and got some looks. I'm glad I did it, though.
(And, sarkycow, you're being compassionate. I am so disappointed. )
-------------------- The Society of St. Pius * Wannabe Anglican, Reader My reely gud book.
Posts: 4161 | From: Choral Evensong | Registered: Jul 2001
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Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28
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Posted
quote: "Going to church does not make you a Christian any more than being in a garage makes you a car."
this is, of course, true. my father, no christian in any sense of the word, attended church regularly for many years. he liked being with my mother, and he liked the coffee hour afterwards.
-------------------- On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!
Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001
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homerj
Shipmate
# 324
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Posted
in my church recently, the minister, (who usually seems to know better), made us re-sing a children's song as we 'hadn't got the actions right'...
I had to busily re-read the notice sheet for the 100th time
-------------------- The grass is only greener on the other side of the fence because it is pissing it down with rain over there
Posts: 304 | From: slipping into Essex | Registered: May 2001
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Orb
Eye eye Cap'n!
# 3256
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Posted
I assume we are talking about the kind of five-minute prayers that include the lines "Lord, help us to realise that unless we do something all 10,000 people in this city are going to hell..."
Yep, they're all lost without a clue. Give me a break. Pray for something bloody worthwhile!
-------------------- “You cannot buy the revolution. You cannot make the revolution. You can only be the revolution. It is in your spirit, or it is nowhere.” Ursula K. Le Guin, The Dispossessed
Posts: 5032 | From: Easton, Bristol | Registered: Aug 2002
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MrSponge2U
Ship’s scrub
# 3076
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Posted
This didn't happen to me but to a friend of mine. He was attending one of these "seeker-friendly" churches. One day the pastor gave his sermon dressed in one of those athletic workout suits, and preached on the importance of being physically fit.
Then at the end, he had the worship band strike up a rendition of Olivia Newton-John's "Let's Get Physical".
My friend never went back to that church.
Though I would have loved to have seen the look on his face, or to see a whole room of people doing
-------------------- sig? what sig?
Posts: 3558 | From: where two big rivers meet | Registered: Jul 2002
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ChrisT
One of the Good Guys™
# 62
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Anselmina: quote: Originally posted by pvawiggin: Along the lines sayin F*$#! in the middle of a service...
Here's a sample of typical Sunday in our church since our new pastor arrived in October... All I have to say is that it's going to be a LONG year before we can vote him out!
Maybe it's not so much about voting the pastor out, as taking his wife out mafia style.... just a knee-jerk reaction...not serious.... I repent immediately for even suggesting it......
I bet she has big hair, lots of jewellery and shiny teeth. I'll take her out of the picture, how much you got?
-------------------- Firmly on dry land
Posts: 6489 | From: Here, there and everywhere | Registered: May 2001
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Kepler's Puppet
Shipmate
# 4011
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Posted
My worst church experiences usually involve a sermon that begins with a phrase like "Christians shouldn't be ignorant."
A few weeks back my pastor decided to preach a sermon against abortion. He told us that Christians shouldn't be so ignorant of everything in contemporary culture. He then blasted "secular humanists and scientists" for "filling Christian heads with the idea that humans have anything in common with animals, even on the physical level." He went on to tell us that "the abortion debate is not centered around whether a fetus is alive but whether or not it is human." Well and good, until he gave us five or six reasons why the fetus is alive ("it has a heartbeat", "it had arms and legs that move", etc) and concluded directly from this that a fetus is human. He added that if we still weren't convinced, consider the fact that a baby in the womb feels pain. Pain is a human thing, so the baby must be alive.
If this needs explanation than I think I know a church you might like to attend. We have sermons like this about once a month, free for your enjoyment.
-------------------- Most Likely Lurking
Posts: 1447 | From: Dixie Land | Registered: Jan 2003
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auntbeast
Shipmate
# 377
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Posted
Oh! That reminds me of one of my other favourite *$*$& moments in a church. I was working in a small town away from home and went to the only local church, PAOC I think. They had Sunday school for everyone before the service so I, at the ripe old age of about 28 headed off to the "adult" Sunday school class. I arrived, sat down and then watched as the rest of the room filled with men..ooops! It appears that I was in fact supposed to go to the ladies one down the hall but I only found this out after the class when I saw a second sign for the "ladies" (class, not WC).
In this unfortunate class we were studying Samuel, can't remember excatly what part, and one of the questions from the pastor (who was a decent man in spite of some of his flock) asked us to think of an example where the ends justified the means. A man at the front cited the example of an anti-abortionist in the states who had murdered a doctor who did abortions. I clarified for the man in question that the pastor had asked for a situation where the ends DID justify the means, thinking he had misheard.... nope this evil creature said, that yes, that was what he meant that it was justified to kill the doctor as he was killing babies. I was so dumbfounded I could not come up with suitable invectives to hurl at him.
Needless to say I skipped Sunday school from then on, and only went to service a couple of times in desperation as it was the only worship within 100 km.
Cheers, Auntbeast
-------------------- "My vices are the children of a forced solitude that I abhor; and my virtues will necessarily arise when I live in communion with an equal" - Mary Shelley (Frankenstein)
Posts: 820 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Jun 2001
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ReginaShoe
Shipmate
# 4076
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Posted
Thought of another one. This time from a very progressive (in most ways) and relatively racially diverse Baptist church in the Atlanta area.
A little background: I was part of a small but spirited gospel choir that had formed to add some lively African-American-style music to the services. The majority of the service music was provided by the much larger main choir and by the minister of music's wife, who was a virtuoso organist. The impression that I got from both the minister of music and his wife was that they viewed anything other than classical music in church as rather suspect, and didn't think much of the gospel choir at all. (Mercifully, neither of them directed it.)
Anyway, at one service, the gospel choir had just finished a particularly rousing number that we actually pulled off pretty well. The congregation was clapping along, and you could see people smiling and tapping their toes. As soon as we finished, and before we had even filed back into our seats in the congregation, the music minister's wife launched into this THUNDEROUS organ chord that started some obscure and weighty Bach fugue. It sounded like something from an old horror movie featuring a creepy old castle. You could actually see a lot of the congregation physically recoiling (and no small number suppressing giggles).
I noticed that after that service, there was always a prayer or some sort of speech immediately following the gospel choir numbers...
-------------------- "If you have any poo, fling it now." - Mason the chimp
Posts: 598 | From: Colorado | Registered: Feb 2003
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Pewgilist
Shipmate
# 3445
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Posted
Too late to wade in? Hope not, 'cause I've gone and rolled the ol' bell-bottoms up.
Two of three years ago, it was. I read in the newspaper that the Anglican cathedral in town would be having Evensong Sunday next. I do love Evensong, and it's a rather rare thing these days, so off my wife and I set out. Set out on foot, in fact, feeling that 45 minutes of walking on either side of sung evening prayers of an autumn eve would be just the thing.
Feeling all brisk and ready to sing, up the stairs and in the big doors went, only to pause warily at the sight of a woman carrying a tambourine. This was a bad omen. Next we see a balding man with a ratty pony tail and a guitar heading for the sanctuary. Then a middle-aged man pulling a t-shirt over his shirt and tie. Then we see that there are about six people in these t-shirts, and one of them is positioning an OHP.
The panic was setting in, but since we have just walked for the better part of an hour, I insisted that we sit down and see what happens.
What happened is that about ten minutes into a bunch of choruses I'd never encountered in all my Anglican, Pentecostal and Charismatic RC days, the worship leader asked us to take out our car keys. I was already nearly overcome with the shuddering horrors, kept steady only by the schadenfreude of the sight of the befuddled septegenarians around me (seemingly, having made the same mistake about "evensong" that I had) trying to be hep to the spirit and clapping along under repeated prodding. But then, after explaining something about the cause that the roadshow was drumming up support for, we were asked to jangle our keys to the music. And that was just too much.
I'm afraid that my reaction would have more likely been to have crawled under the pew than to belt out a hearty expletive, but before I could slink my wife marched up the aisle and out the door, quite shaking with fury and muttering $@%^!-ish noises. I meekly followed. We formed a little staggered procession, in fact, my wife and me and two of the aforementioned septegarians.
"Evensong."
Bastards.
-------------------- -- Pewgilist Hamilton, Ontario
Posts: 126 | From: Hamilton, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2002
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Pewgilist
Shipmate
# 3445
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Posted
Oh, @$@&!
I accidentally posted the above as a new thread. Would one of you kind adminy type just nuke it please?
Sigh...
-------------------- -- Pewgilist Hamilton, Ontario
Posts: 126 | From: Hamilton, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2002
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Eanswyth: quote: Originally posted by aig: My F*$#! moments tend to come during the intercessions - example: a local hospital may close down. Earnest intercessors take time to inform the Lord where the hospital is (with directions from the church), the catchment area it serves and the exact nature of treatment you get there. GOD ALREADY KNOWS THIS
I really hate the people who use the intersessions to gossip. "Lord, please give guidance to John Smith who was arrested for drunk driving again on the way to his mistress' house." A bit of an exaggeration, but not by much.
I think these are both sometimes referred to as 'horizontal' praying!
-------------------- "I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue") Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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pvawiggin
Apprentice
# 4059
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Posted
quote: I bet she has big hair, lots of jewellery and shiny teeth. I'll take her out of the picture, how much you got?
How did you know???!? Further identifying feature... is about 50lbs overweight but still thinks she looks good in very tight miniskirts.
People just don't seem to understand that there is a weight limit on certain clothes. Miniskirts shouldn't come in "sizes" but in "weight allowance".
Posts: 6 | From: Upstate New York | Registered: Feb 2003
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by terce: The study leader (sorry, he was American) told us that years ago, he had vowed never to eat breakfast until he had witnessed to someone. "And Aaahh've never missed out on breakfast yet!"
If it happens again, quote Proverbs 27.14:
quote:
If a man rises early in the morning and blesses his neighbour, his blesses shall be counted as curses unto him.
-------------------- Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Thurible: "In the name of the Creator, the Redeemer and the Sanctifier," always annoys me. What's wrong with "Father, Son and Holy Spirit"?
YES! Same feelings here! I want to yell "MODALISM!!" whenever they use that formula where the Trinity (the real Trinity, not a description of functions which some or all of Its Members partake) is expected.
quote: Originally posted by Regina Shoe: From another Sunday School teacher: "So we've established that God's special blessing is on America." (And though not in so many words, he had just been going on about how God loved Americans better than everybody else.) "So why do you think God established the United States?"
I have feelings like this whenever the hymn (sung to the tune of "God Save the Queen") is sung in my own (Episcopal) churches -- or at least the lines about "Long may our land be bright/ with freedom's holy light..." -- our secular freedoms may be a very good and nice thing, but whatever they may be, they are not intrinsically "holy!"
Bad theology, in hymns or otherwise, generally pisses me off.
Thankfully I have not encountered sermons like the ones you describe!
-------------------- My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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Ka_nowlies
Apprentice
# 4096
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Posted
I posted this on the wrong board b4 - oops!
I was in a church service at New Life Church in CHCH, NEw Zealand and a visiting preacher (Pat Mesietie (sp!?)) told woman who had been raped and abused that they quote "Needed to get over it" unquote... that sure made me want to scream F*%K!!!
Phil
Posts: 5 | From: CHCH NEW ZEALAND | Registered: Feb 2003
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terce
Shipmate
# 966
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by ken: quote: Originally posted by terce: The study leader (sorry, he was American) told us that years ago, he had vowed never to eat breakfast until he had witnessed to someone. "And Aaahh've never missed out on breakfast yet!"
If it happens again, quote Proverbs 27.14:
quote:
If a man rises early in the morning and blesses his neighbour, his blesses shall be counted as curses unto him.
Thank you, thank you! I never knew that verse was there!
It's now one of my favourites ...
-------------------- Visit Mustard Bush Faith Community online: www.musbush.ucaqld.com.au
Posts: 145 | From: 27 28 S, 153 02 E | Registered: Jul 2001
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Liberty
ship's football fanatic
# 713
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Posted
not start another anti-cu thread...but most of my f*** moments have been in cu.
i think the best was on this years "houseparty" when the idiot speaker, after having bored us with 'thou must not have sex' talks and made no sense all weekend, concluded his final sermon with tips for Christian living...
1) sending and recieving text messages is wrong, because we are measuring our popularity, rather than being secure in God (2) going to the cinema with non-christians is wrong because we cannot witness to them during the film (3) if a non-christian friend is upset it is better to take them to a cu run 'evangelistic' than to talk to them personally
i managed to stay calm at the time, but i later found out that someone had left cu entirely because of my bad example in not paying attention on houseparty. well f*** me!
-------------------- "I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtedly"
Posts: 1879 | From: SW2 to 20009 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
quote: i managed to stay calm at the time, but i later found out that someone had left cu entirely because of my bad example in not paying attention on houseparty. well f*** me!
Didn't that give you a nice feeling of power?
Think of all the organizations you can undermine by your bad example.
Moo
-------------------- Kerygmania host --------------------- See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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