homepage
  roll on christmas  
click here to find out more about ship of fools click here to sign up for the ship of fools newsletter click here to support ship of fools
community the mystery worshipper gadgets for god caption competition foolishness features ship stuff
discussion boards live chat cafe avatars frequently-asked questions the ten commandments gallery private boards register for the boards
 
Ship of Fools


Post new thread  Post a reply
My profile login | | Directory | Search | FAQs | Board home
   - Printer-friendly view Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
» Ship of Fools   » Ship's Locker   » Limbo   » Hell: Fijians say sorry to eaten Briton's family (Page 2)

 - Email this page to a friend or enemy.  
Pages in this thread: 1  2  3  4 
 
Source: (consider it) Thread: Hell: Fijians say sorry to eaten Briton's family
Cusanus

Ship's Schoolmaster
# 692

 - Posted      Profile for Cusanus         Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[Gratuitous Rugby World Cup reference]
Well, that Frenchman that Rupeni Caucaunibuca punched out can count himself lucky, then. Maybe Fijians find French food too oily?
[/Gratuitous Rugby World Cup reference]

--------------------
"You are qualified," sa fotherington-tomas, "becos you can frankly never pass an exam and have 0 branes. Obviously you will be a skoolmaster - there is no other choice."

Posts: 3120 | From: The Peninsula | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Pax Romana
Shipmate
# 4653

 - Posted      Profile for Pax Romana   Email Pax Romana   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Well, I must say this is a wonderful gross-out thread. And now that I am completely nauseated, I think I will go to bed and have a few nightmares.

[Projectile]

Posts: 4598 | From: New York City | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged
Kyralessa
Shipmate
# 4568

 - Posted      Profile for Kyralessa   Email Kyralessa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Pax Romana:
Well, I must say this is a wonderful gross-out thread. And now that I am completely nauseated, I think I will go to bed and have a few nightmares.

[Projectile]

[Hot and Hormonal] My apologies. I try to keep that subjunctive stuff to myself, but sometimes it just pops out.

--------------------
In Orthodoxy, a child is considered an icon of the parents' love for each other.

I'm just glad all my other icons don't cry, crap, and spit up this much.

Posts: 1597 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Peppone
Marine
# 3855

 - Posted      Profile for Peppone   Email Peppone   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Hey, seeing as I'm in the office with nothing to do but plan lessons (ha! ha! ha!) I split the shrink rap on one of the grammar reference books shelved here as decoration.

quote:
When talking about a situation that you would like to be the case in the present, you use a past tense in the "that"-clause, e.g.

I wish I was a journalist.

But back to those elephants crossing the Alps.

--------------------
I looked at the wa's o' Glasgow Cathedral, where vandals and angels painted their names,
I was clutching at straws and wrote your initials, while parish officials were safe in their hames.

Posts: 3020 | From: Hong Kong | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

 - Posted      Profile for mousethief     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
No you don't!

I wish I were a journalist

is the correct form.

Sheesh.

--------------------
This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Peppone
Marine
# 3855

 - Posted      Profile for Peppone   Email Peppone   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
No you don't!

I wish I were a journalist

is the correct form.

Sheesh.

Hey, I didn't break the world. It was like this when I found it. Collins Cobuild Stúdent's Usage, Ed. John Sinclair. p. 241.

--------------------
I looked at the wa's o' Glasgow Cathedral, where vandals and angels painted their names,
I was clutching at straws and wrote your initials, while parish officials were safe in their hames.

Posts: 3020 | From: Hong Kong | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kyralessa
Shipmate
# 4568

 - Posted      Profile for Kyralessa   Email Kyralessa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Here you go, Peppone.

Googling on "English subjunctive" yields this great example:

quote:
If I were president I would lower taxes.

If I was president, then I don't remember it.



--------------------
In Orthodoxy, a child is considered an icon of the parents' love for each other.

I'm just glad all my other icons don't cry, crap, and spit up this much.

Posts: 1597 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Peppone
Marine
# 3855

 - Posted      Profile for Peppone   Email Peppone   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Kÿralessa:
Here you go, Peppone.


Cheers. I was right all along.

quote:
(The "was" form is possible in infernal, familiar conversation.)


--------------------
I looked at the wa's o' Glasgow Cathedral, where vandals and angels painted their names,
I was clutching at straws and wrote your initials, while parish officials were safe in their hames.

Posts: 3020 | From: Hong Kong | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Presleyterian
Shipmate
# 1915

 - Posted      Profile for Presleyterian     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
The subjective is easy. Just remember:

quote:
If I were a rich man.
Daidle deedle daidle
Daidle daidle deedle daidle dum.
All day long I'd biddy-biddy-bum.
If I were a wealthy man. (emphasis added)

Why is it that Tevye, a poor Jewish milkman, can get this right and a fancy-schmancy English teacher can't? [Big Grin]
Posts: 2450 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
Kyralessa
Shipmate
# 4568

 - Posted      Profile for Kyralessa   Email Kyralessa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Peppone:
Cheers. I was right all along.

quote:
(The "was" form is possible in infernal, familiar conversation.)

[Killing me] The way you quoted that, I'll agree with it.

--------------------
In Orthodoxy, a child is considered an icon of the parents' love for each other.

I'm just glad all my other icons don't cry, crap, and spit up this much.

Posts: 1597 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Peppone
Marine
# 3855

 - Posted      Profile for Peppone   Email Peppone   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Presleyterian:
a fancy-schmancy English teacher

Yes I am: thankyou.


Despite sometimes wishing I wasn't. Weren't. Wouldn't. Woosperent. Wuddudunt. Gaaaaahhhh! You've got me doing it now.

The irony, of course, is that while I am an English teacher, I am at the same time emphatically not an English teacher, nor anything resembling one. I'm a Scottish teacher. Were it the subjunctive in 14th century Scotland? It were not.

--------------------
I looked at the wa's o' Glasgow Cathedral, where vandals and angels painted their names,
I was clutching at straws and wrote your initials, while parish officials were safe in their hames.

Posts: 3020 | From: Hong Kong | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ophelia's Opera Therapist
Shipmate
# 4081

 - Posted      Profile for Ophelia's Opera Therapist   Author's homepage   Email Ophelia's Opera Therapist   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
If I were to give my opinion, I might say that this whole thread is in very bad taste.

OOT

--------------------
Though the bleak sky is burdened I'll pray anyway,
And though irony's drained me I'll now try sincere,
And whoever it was that brought me here
Will have to take me home.
Martyn Joseph

Posts: 979 | From: Birmingham, UK | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
Adeodatus
Shipmate
# 4992

 - Posted      Profile for Adeodatus     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
A succinct apology might read:

'By way of apology for having had your ancestor for dinner, we would like to invite you to dinner.
Dress code: to avoid any possible embarrassment, combs will not be worn.'

Posts: 9779 | From: Manchester | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

 - Posted      Profile for Sine Nomine*   Email Sine Nomine*       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Ophelia's Opera Therapist:
If I were to give my opinion, I might say that this whole thread is in very bad taste.

OOT

How lovely, OOT. You worked both the subjunctive and cannibalism into one succint sentence.

I am reminded of the time Kiri Te Kanawa and another diva got into it over dressing rooms or some such. They got into a shouting match, which Kiri won. As she stalked off she muttered "She got off lightly. My ancestors would have eaten her."

Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Zeke
Ship's Inquirer
# 3271

 - Posted      Profile for Zeke   Email Zeke   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Let's get one thing straight: as I understand it, Peppone was saying that he is an English teacher (teaching English as a foreign language), not an English teacher (teacher of grammar and correct usage to English speakers). Is this correct?

I'd like to point out that English speakers are the only people who have to take classes in their own language. What does that say?

--------------------
No longer the Bishop of Durham
-----------
If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? --Benjamin Franklin

Posts: 5259 | From: Deep in the American desert | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kyralessa
Shipmate
# 4568

 - Posted      Profile for Kyralessa   Email Kyralessa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Zeke:
I'd like to point out that English speakers are the only people who have to take classes in their own language. What does that say?

If you mean they're the only ones who take English as a subject (and that the French don't take French, the Germans don't take German, etc.) then I'd say it means you're full of hooey. (My wife is from Romania, and she certainly took classes in Romanian. Ethnically she's Hungarian, and she also took classes in Hungarian till she switched schools.)

If it means that English speakers never take classes on another subject (say, math or science) in another language (say, French or German) but only in English, I'd say that if you think that's different from what most other people do, then you're still full of hooey. (If I spent a year in Romania taking classes, I'd certainly expect to take them in Romanian unless I were going to a special English-language school or something.)

--------------------
In Orthodoxy, a child is considered an icon of the parents' love for each other.

I'm just glad all my other icons don't cry, crap, and spit up this much.

Posts: 1597 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460

 - Posted      Profile for ken     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Zeke:
I'd like to point out that English speakers are the only people who have to take classes in their own language. What does that say?

It says that you live in an English-speaking country.

If you went to France, you'd find the kids having French lessons.

--------------------
Ken

L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
RooK

1 of 6
# 1852

 - Posted      Profile for RooK   Author's homepage   Email RooK   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Zeke:
I'd like to point out that English speakers are the only people who have to take classes in their own language. What does that say?

That says that you're as stupid as Kryalotssa is an annoying dickweed.
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
RooK

1 of 6
# 1852

 - Posted      Profile for RooK   Author's homepage   Email RooK   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Holy crosspost action, Fatman!
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Kyralessa
Shipmate
# 4568

 - Posted      Profile for Kyralessa   Email Kyralessa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
[Waterworks] [Waterworks] [Waterworks]

--------------------
In Orthodoxy, a child is considered an icon of the parents' love for each other.

I'm just glad all my other icons don't cry, crap, and spit up this much.

Posts: 1597 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Peppone
Marine
# 3855

 - Posted      Profile for Peppone   Email Peppone   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Shit, now we're turning on each other. Those Fijians must be laughing their heads off.

And Zeke's right. I am the good kind of English teacher.

--------------------
I looked at the wa's o' Glasgow Cathedral, where vandals and angels painted their names,
I was clutching at straws and wrote your initials, while parish officials were safe in their hames.

Posts: 3020 | From: Hong Kong | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460

 - Posted      Profile for ken     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Peppone:
I am the good kind of English teacher.

There's a worse kind?

Quick, get the stakes and garlic! Or was it rosemary? Or rice?

--------------------
Ken

L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

 - Posted      Profile for Sine Nomine*   Email Sine Nomine*       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I can only assume that people who go around correcting other people's grammar, whether in real life or on the internet, don't have much else to offer. Which is certainly true in this particular case.

Could a host please change the name of this thread to "The Cannibalism/Pedantry" thread to more accurately reflect its contents.

I'd hate for some poor unsuspecting person, thinking he or she was going to read an amusing little thread about cannibalism, to suddenly find themselves bogged down in Kyralessa's poker-up-his-ass, prissy little comments about someone else's grammar.

If you're going to hijack a thread, Kyralessa, couldn't you do it in an amusing manner? Oh Dear Lord, what am I saying? Never mind. When pigs fly, as the saying goes.

Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kyralessa
Shipmate
# 4568

 - Posted      Profile for Kyralessa   Email Kyralessa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Oh dear. Someone has a grudge. [Roll Eyes]

--------------------
In Orthodoxy, a child is considered an icon of the parents' love for each other.

I'm just glad all my other icons don't cry, crap, and spit up this much.

Posts: 1597 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

 - Posted      Profile for Sine Nomine*   Email Sine Nomine*       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
No. Not a grudge. You're just...annoying.

Like fingernails on a chalkboard.
Like the whining of a mosquito or the buzzing of a fly.
It makes me want to ignore what you're saying, even on those rare occasions you say something sensible.

It's quite a little talent really. I have no idea, of course, if it was God-given at birth, or if it took years of grueling practice to perfect.

But it's damn impressive.

Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kyralessa
Shipmate
# 4568

 - Posted      Profile for Kyralessa   Email Kyralessa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
If you're going to hijack a thread, Kyralessa...

At this point the irony appears to be going right over your head, Sine.

If you want to gripe at me, you know how to make your own Hell thread and do it. If you're smart, you'll do it now while, due to recent events, there'll be others waiting to jump in. If you can't be bothered, then why do you keep babbling away on this thread? [Confused]

--------------------
In Orthodoxy, a child is considered an icon of the parents' love for each other.

I'm just glad all my other icons don't cry, crap, and spit up this much.

Posts: 1597 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
RooK

1 of 6
# 1852

 - Posted      Profile for RooK   Author's homepage   Email RooK   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Kÿralessa, I just noticed the sig. change! Can't I like you AND think you're an annoying dickweed? Which, by extension, would invalidate your statement that you must be doing something right.

Continuing in the vein of amusing hypothetical situations, if those cannibals had eaten Kumstainmessa I doubt that they would have even had descendants - poisonous little weed that he is.

Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Kyralessa
Shipmate
# 4568

 - Posted      Profile for Kyralessa   Email Kyralessa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
Kÿralessa, I just noticed the sig. change! Can't I like you AND think you're an annoying [crude word]?

Nope, you'll just have to make up your mind.

--------------------
In Orthodoxy, a child is considered an icon of the parents' love for each other.

I'm just glad all my other icons don't cry, crap, and spit up this much.

Posts: 1597 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
RooK

1 of 6
# 1852

 - Posted      Profile for RooK   Author's homepage   Email RooK   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
No, weed-of-dick, I have made up my mind. I meant to argue the hypothetical case, which I still insist is possible. So, put that in your cauldron and stew it.
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Kyralessa
Shipmate
# 4568

 - Posted      Profile for Kyralessa   Email Kyralessa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I guess it's good I don't have the chicken pox, or you'd be calling me weed-of-spotted-dick.

--------------------
In Orthodoxy, a child is considered an icon of the parents' love for each other.

I'm just glad all my other icons don't cry, crap, and spit up this much.

Posts: 1597 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Alt Wally

Cardinal Ximinez
# 3245

 - Posted      Profile for Alt Wally     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Get a room guys.
Posts: 3684 | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kyralessa
Shipmate
# 4568

 - Posted      Profile for Kyralessa   Email Kyralessa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Hey, speaking of what this thread used to be about.

--------------------
In Orthodoxy, a child is considered an icon of the parents' love for each other.

I'm just glad all my other icons don't cry, crap, and spit up this much.

Posts: 1597 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266

 - Posted      Profile for Nightlamp   Email Nightlamp   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
If Kÿralessa listed all those people who didn't like him, I wonder how long the list would be?

--------------------
I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp

Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169

 - Posted      Profile for Grits   Author's homepage   Email Grits   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
"...if they were written in detail, I suppose that even the world itself would not contain the books which were written."

--------------------
Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.

Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
Zeke
Ship's Inquirer
# 3271

 - Posted      Profile for Zeke   Email Zeke   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Ok, so I popped off with a misconception. What's up with you, RooK, somebody piss in your cornflakes this morning?

And I expect to be told what "hooey" is, if I am indeed full of it.

[ 15. October 2003, 21:27: Message edited by: Zeke ]

--------------------
No longer the Bishop of Durham
-----------
If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? --Benjamin Franklin

Posts: 5259 | From: Deep in the American desert | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Robert Armin

All licens'd fool
# 182

 - Posted      Profile for Robert Armin     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by ken:
quote:
Originally posted by Peppone:
I am the good kind of English teacher.

There's a worse kind?

Quick, get the stakes and garlic! Or was it rosemary? Or rice?

Rice, of course, is used as a defence against the terrifying hopping vampires of China. Just thought you'd want to know.

--------------------
Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin

Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
RooK

1 of 6
# 1852

 - Posted      Profile for RooK   Author's homepage   Email RooK   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Zeke:
And I expect to be told what "hooey" is, if I am indeed full of it.

"Hooey" is most generally translated as "shit".

More mood-altering than any amount of urine in my breakfast cereal, I'm conversing with accountants. That, and it really was amusingly stupid, Zeke. Besides, I was looking for a way to take a swipe at at Kyralessa in a manner that might infuriate the local grammar pedants.

Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Gremlin
Ship's Cryptanalyst
# 129

 - Posted      Profile for Gremlin         Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Does missionary taste like chicken?

Nope, apparently humans taste rather more like pork... hence some languages render person-that-is-not-of-my-people as 'long pig!' Rather in the same manner as the Greeks had person-that-doesn't-speak-greek as, 'Barbarian.'

Mind you, perhaps missionaries taste different? [Devil]

Gremlin

--------------------
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
Oh I get it... like humour... but different.

Posts: 5221 | From: Isle of Man | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

 - Posted      Profile for Sine Nomine*   Email Sine Nomine*       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Gremlin:
Nope, apparently humans taste rather more like pork...

Interesting. My recipes for possum say you can substitute pork. So if you're out of both possum and pork, you can substitute a neighbor.

...or an annoying family member.

[ 15. October 2003, 23:26: Message edited by: Sine Nomine ]

Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Mad Geo

Ship's navel gazer
# 2939

 - Posted      Profile for Mad Geo   Email Mad Geo   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Is the missionary position the proper meal presentation for long pig?

--------------------
Diax's Rake - "Never believe a thing simply because you want it to be true"

Posts: 11730 | From: People's Republic of SoCal | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

 - Posted      Profile for Sine Nomine*   Email Sine Nomine*       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Better that than having them on their elbows and knees with an apple in their mouth. So undignified.

I could say something really tasteless here, but I won't.

Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Mad Geo

Ship's navel gazer
# 2939

 - Posted      Profile for Mad Geo   Email Mad Geo   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Something worse than what's already said?

Impressive!

--------------------
Diax's Rake - "Never believe a thing simply because you want it to be true"

Posts: 11730 | From: People's Republic of SoCal | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
RooK

1 of 6
# 1852

 - Posted      Profile for RooK   Author's homepage   Email RooK   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I believe that humans would be best served arranged on their knees in the grovelling and begging position they were probably in during their last moments.

Or on a spit.

Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

 - Posted      Profile for Sine Nomine*   Email Sine Nomine*       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Presentation is so important. It can make an otherwise pedestrian meal come alive, in a manner of speaking.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Mad Geo

Ship's navel gazer
# 2939

 - Posted      Profile for Mad Geo   Email Mad Geo   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Sine, how would one set a table for cannibals?

--------------------
Diax's Rake - "Never believe a thing simply because you want it to be true"

Posts: 11730 | From: People's Republic of SoCal | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
RooK

1 of 6
# 1852

 - Posted      Profile for RooK   Author's homepage   Email RooK   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Presentation is so important. It can make an otherwise pedestrian meal come alive, in a manner of speaking.

That could be done more readily by sneaking a radio-controlled speaker into the feast after cooking...

"...I'm not quite dead yet."

Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

 - Posted      Profile for Sine Nomine*   Email Sine Nomine*       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
With very sharp steak knives.

Of course if it were a formal cannibal dinner, I'd serve Steak Diana.

At cannibal cook-outs ribs, thighs, and breasts always go over well.

[responding to Mad Geo.]

[ 16. October 2003, 05:56: Message edited by: Sine Nomine ]

Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Marama
Shipmate
# 330

 - Posted      Profile for Marama   Email Marama   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Good heavens, the thread is onto page 2 before I get to post - the person of the ship who knows LOTS about Fijian pre-Christian practices (rather more than I would want to, actually - would you like to hear about widow strangling - 'loloku'- too).
In Fiji it is regarded as rather unseemly to joke about 'boloku' (the traditional practice of eating human flesh) unless you are Fijian, in which case it's OK - and quite common. There is the old tale about Ratu Edward Cakobau, of very chiefly lineage, travelling on a P & O liner. He perused the menu, the called the waiter over and asked for the passenger list! Europeans don't know how to react in such circumstances - which amuses Fijians greatly. Actually, Fijians seem to be rather proud of their cannibal past. They sell little wooden forks, reputedly the sort used for human flesh, in the tourist markets. It is certainly true that Rev Baker's boot are in the museum, along with other momentoes of the era.
On a more serious note, in the link posted by Sine the first three quotes are from reputable Methodist missionaries who were almost certainly eye-witnesses - which doesn't mean they didn't make the exceptional sound typical. The other quotes are from less reputable, relying on hearsay. That cannibalism took place seems to be certain. Someone raised the very sensible objection that if these tales were true, the Fijians would have eaten themselves to extinction. There is evidence that the cycle of violence in the mid nineteenth century was getting out of hand - ancient rivalries were intensified in the struggle to acquire western goods like iron and guns, the guns increased the deathrate (though not by that much, muskets are pretty useless in the tropics unless well looked after) and each death in war (a0 had to be avenged and (b) involved the death of the widow too. There is some evidence that by c 1850 the violence was becoming untenable. Which was possibly part of the reason for Christian conversion - it was a neat way of introducing a circuit breaker to stop violence which was getting out of control.

Posts: 910 | From: Canberra | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

 - Posted      Profile for Sine Nomine*   Email Sine Nomine*       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
That could be done more readily by sneaking a radio-controlled speaker into the feast after cooking...

"...I'm not quite dead yet."

Of course, if the guests don't play bridge, for after dinner entertainment you could always pass the skull around and everyone could do their Sheri Lewis & Lampchops imitations.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Marama
Shipmate
# 330

 - Posted      Profile for Marama   Email Marama   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Good heavens, the thread is onto page 2 before I get to post - the person of the ship who knows LOTS about Fijian pre-Christian practices (rather more than I would want to, actually - would you like to hear about widow strangling - 'loloku'- too).
In Fiji it is regarded as rather unseemly to joke about 'boloku' (the traditional practice of eating human flesh) unless you are Fijian, in which case it's OK - and quite common. There is the old tale about Ratu Edward Cakobau, of very chiefly lineage, travelling on a P & O liner. He perused the menu, the called the waiter over and asked for the passenger list! Europeans don't know how to react in such circumstances - which amuses Fijians greatly. Actually, Fijians seem to be rather proud of their cannibal past. They sell little wooden forks, reputedly the sort used for human flesh, in the tourist markets. It is certainly true that Rev Baker's boots are in the museum, along with other momentoes of the era.
On a more serious note, in the link posted by Sine the first three quotes are from reputable Methodist missionaries who were almost certainly eye-witnesses - which doesn't mean they didn't make the exceptional sound typical. The other quotes are less reputable, relying on hearsay. That cannibalism took place seems to be certain. Someone raised the very sensible objection that if these tales were true, the Fijians would have eaten themselves to extinction. There is evidence that the cycle of violence in the mid nineteenth century was getting out of hand - ancient rivalries were intensified in the struggle to acquire western goods like iron and guns, the guns increased the deathrate (though not by that much, muskets are pretty useless in the tropics unless well looked after) and each death in war (a0 had to be avenged and (b) involved the death of the widow too. There is some evidence that by c 1850 the violence was becoming untenable. Which was possibly part of the reason for Christian conversion - it was a neat way of introducing a circuit breaker to stop violence which was getting out of control.

Posts: 910 | From: Canberra | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged



Pages in this thread: 1  2  3  4 
 
Post new thread  Post a reply Close thread   Feature thread   Move thread   Delete thread Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
 - Printer-friendly view
Go to:

Contact us | Ship of Fools | Privacy statement

© Ship of Fools 2016

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0

 
follow ship of fools on twitter
buy your ship of fools postcards
sip of fools mugs from your favourite nautical website
 
 
  ship of fools