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Source: (consider it) Thread: Hell: The Third Coming of Gerald
duchess

Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764

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My dear Rev. Gerald Ambulance,

First of all my brother(s), I thank you for all you do for spreading the LOGOS all over town and beyond. Spreading the Good News seeds. [Not worthy!]

It is with mirthless regret that I tell you the following...that as your sister that it sickens me how deeply flawed your theology is reflected in your past advice . All chaff and no wheat! You are leading your sheep and congregation astray! These poor lambs being led to the slaughter like Greek shish kabobs on a fired-up bbq! [Eek!] Makes me mighty hungry, I mean sick to think about all those led astray!

I will pray that you get on the RIGHT track soon, you flaming lefty pinko. May George W. Bush and his friend Tony Blair kick yer asteriod soon.

I say all of this in Christian love. Many blessings to you and yours. [Love]

Your helpful friend,

duchess

PS: Don't you dare talk about underwear AGAIN.

[ 16. July 2003, 20:23: Message edited by: duchess ]

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duchess

Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764

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PPS: This advice to me got me even more wound up...to the point of me writing carnal posts to threads on Colin Firth and Alan Rickman. [Mad] [Waterworks]

Sorry for 2nd post but I feel all better now. [Angel]

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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party

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Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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Dear duchess,

Could you expound a bit on the meaning of the phrase "mirthless regret". I am not familiar with it, but would like to start using it occasionally, if only I could figure out what it means.
Thanks.

Your friend,
Sine

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duchess

Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764

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Brother Sine Nomine,

It means regret without laughter or ah, gaiety.
I have no idea where I aquired the term. I use it rarely but whenever the shoe fits.

Glad to help. Didn't mean to er hijack this thread from the "good" Rev.

-duchess

[ 16. July 2003, 21:24: Message edited by: duchess ]

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Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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So, somewhere out there, there must also be "mirthful regret"?

p.s.: I woulnd't worry about any hijacking. The whole thread is just one big tangent anyway.

...says Sine, whose plea for spiritual help was cruelly ignored by Brother Gerald.

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duchess

Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764

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Sine, mirthful regret would be SINFUL since then we would be GLOATING. See? [Devil]

Rev. would just tell you to wear some kind of underwear or something equally "useful".

--------------------
♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party

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Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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That's OK. I bought one of his books with the cover torn off for next to nothing at the flea market.
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duchess

Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764

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Torn off nothingness? Pity his book leads people astray, but at least it can be purchased at your local flea market cheaply or maybe at Kmart in the bargin bin next to Cliff Richards's memoir,
When The Music Stops

from Amazon: "a profile on the singer Cliff Richard. Includes his views on marriage, religion, celibacy and the music business"
book

[ 16. July 2003, 22:17: Message edited by: duchess ]

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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party

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chukovsky

Ship's toddler
# 116

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Dear Rev Professor Ambulance your Lordship,

I must bow down mightily before you in your wisdom at the advice vouchsafed to me by your good self regarding the copies of the Word of the Lord. They are even now gracing the homes of the good people of the Peak District, and from the reactions I have had following placing them (anonymously so as not to be seen to be Boasting in my own Works) in the letterboxes of the local people, they are rejoicing in the Lord upon receipt of their new found words of instruction. At least, I assume that's what "Oh Lord, another one!" was intended to mean.

I have another problem, your ambulanceness. My healthful Christian hiking holiday ("Prayer stops every hour! Learn how the disciples walked!") being scheduled for the North of England in July I felt confident that my warmest and most modest clothes were appropriate, and that packing a cardigan or five was definitely necessary. However the North of England appears to be undergoing a heatwave and I am feeling a little faint. What should I do?

I am assuming that exposing any of my limbs, lower or otherwise, would not be appropriate for an unmarried Christian lady, nor would be a good witness. I fear that the young ladies of the North of England have not been taught how to buy clothes wisely, as they appear not to be able to afford to cover themselves modestly, and I wish to be a good example of how even those of the most slender means can dress correctly.

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Spong

Ship's coffee grinder
# 1518

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Dear Revd Gerald.

I heard the sainted Graham Norton explaining this evening that 31 July 2003 is National Orgasm Day. Does the title of this thread refer to this in any way? [Confused]

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Spong

The needs of our neighbours are the needs of the whole human family. Let's respond just as we do when our immediate family is in need or trouble. Rowan Williams

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Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

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Dear Jack the Lass

Not that I would want to pre-empt the sainted Rev Gerald in any way, but are you aware that according to Genesis, you have dominion over these pigeons? Claim your sovereignty boldly as you step under that bridge, sister!

BTW, ChrisT's picture reveals Rev Gerald turning into a cloud of smoke the exact shape of a map of Britain. Evidently Rev Gerald's book-sales, oops, sorry, blessing, will cover the whole of our country soon. Amen!

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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

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DP
Shipmate
# 794

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Dear Rev Ger

I very much feel that this is a safe environment for indulging oneself in private jokes.

So: if you were to preach at a wedding, what message would you bring to the bride & groom?

DP

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"A diagonal slash in the centre of your sentence/Makes dull prose look like poetry."

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Spike

Mostly Harmless
# 36

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Dear Rev

Down in the pits of Mystery Worship, there has been a discussion on the various levels of reverendness

Can you tell me how reverend you are so that I know how to address you correctly in future?

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"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing

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chukovsky

Ship's toddler
# 116

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quote:
Originally posted by DP:
Dear Rev Ger
If you were to preach at a wedding, what message would you bring to the bride & groom?

If he's trying to get material for a book, it's hardly helpful to ask him to repeat something he's already written, now is it?

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This space left intentionally blank. Do not write on both sides of the paper at once.

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Emma Louise

Storm in a teapot
# 3571

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Dear Rev G,

In my new school, Im being asked to teach such heretical things such as *other religions*, maths, english and the such like - and the school only spends 15mins in prayer between lessons!!!!!! What should i do? should i change my job?

its even been rumoured that the school has access to :shock: the internet...

help!

your adoring pew fodder,
Mrs T

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Rev. Gerald Ambulance

Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359

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Sine Nomine
...whose plea for spiritual help was cruelly ignored by Brother Gerald.

Hello. I see we have another new sibling who has yet to grasp the challenging area of practical theology we call 'waiting in line'.

What joy it is to consider all that there is to learn together!

I have a vision of you getting beaten up in the supermarket. Is this something that happens regularly to you? Or should we just take it figuratively perhaps?

I should make you go to the back of the queue really. But I've just had a phone call from my music group leader Sarah Flitch, saying either the organist goes or she does, and faced with a win-win scenario like that, I'm feeling uncommonly indulgent. So think yourself blessed.

I work in the graphics arts industry and have just been asked to work on a project for a moist towelette called "Male Wipe." (Discontinue use if rash or irritation develops.)
I think this is probably a product developed for sinful uses.
How can I reconcile my Christian Beliefs™ with the need to make money? If I refuse this project I will be fired, homeless, and unable to tithe to my church.
Sincerely,
"Wanting to stay pure in the South"


A place where I'm sure you find purity oft is sorely pushed.

As for your item of "sinful uses", can you think of any item that doesn't have sinful uses? Until you do, continue in your graphical serious-Christian-supporting vocation, and tithe to your heart's content.

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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)

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JellyHead

# 3880

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Dear Rev Ambulance,
While deep in my tri-daily bible meditation, the Lord laid the following passage of scripture upon me;
quote:
Psalm 68:21
Surely God will crush the heads of his enemies,
the hairy crowns of those who go on in their sins.

May I call upon your much vaunted exegetical skills to help make my path clear as I start my ministry of head-shearing.

Yours,
Brother JellyHead

"All who call on the name of the Lord will be shaved."

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One whole cucumber sandwich short of a picnic.

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Og: Thread Killer
Ship's token CN Mennonite
# 3200

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quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
quote:
Originally posted by DP:
Dear Rev Ger
If you were to preach at a wedding, what message would you bring to the bride & groom?

If he's trying to get material for a book, it's hardly helpful to ask him to repeat something he's already written, now is it?
Unlesss one's sockpuppet is trying to prod future questions to be more along these sort of lines in order to pad your book. [Wink]

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I wish I was seeking justice loving mercy and walking humbly but... "Cease to lament for that thou canst not help, And study help for that which thou lament'st."

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MrSponge2U

Ship’s scrub
# 3076

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While you're surely thinking of a truly inspired reply to my last question, there's something else that's been troubling me.

I was at a retreat with some Christian brothers and sisters a few weeks ago, and they taught me this horrible song called "Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam". Now I can't get it out of my mind. What can I do?

Sincerely,
Mr. Sponge

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sig? what sig?

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chukovsky

Ship's toddler
# 116

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quote:
Originally posted by Og: Thread Killer:
quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
If he's trying to get material for a book, it's hardly helpful to ask him to repeat something he's already written, now is it?

Unlesss one's sockpuppet is trying to prod future questions to be more along these sort of lines in order to pad your book. [Wink]
Do keep up at the back there. How can one's sock puppet already have preached at one's own wedding?

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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012

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quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
Do keep up at the back there. How can one's sock puppet already have preached at one's own wedding?

The Lord works in mysterious ways...

Not that Gerald is God.

Still.

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

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Rev. Gerald Ambulance

Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359

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Sibling Miffy
As a faithful pew fodd.. (oops!)faithful and upstanding churchgoer, I've recently been overcome by an urge to shout out 'RUBBISH!' in the middle of the service.
What should I do?


Go to a better church. Mine's rather good.

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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)

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Rev. Gerald Ambulance

Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359

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Honoured Sibling Cow
Dear Loony-tunes,
Looks like the three month section finished then. You must have conned the psychs in order to stop it being reapplied. Still, won't take too long before you go back into the locked ward at the local mental hospital.


I don't know what your question is.

(Which is not the same as saying I don't what your problem is, of course.)

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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)

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starbelly
but you can call me Neil
# 25

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Dear Rev. Gerald,

I have been reading of the big christian meetings that happened in far off places like America in the eighties, Thousands of teens would come and destroy all the sinful music they owned, making piles of cassettes and records (and other recording formats best destroyed anyway).

The reason this worries me is that a friend said she would "burn" me a CD. I am confused, what can she mean? Is she going to burn a sinful CD for me, so I don't have to destroy one of my own, or is she going to break into my house at night and melt my favourite Chris De Burgh disc while I am asleep? Should I get my locks changed.

I only ak you this because I know you are a wise man in the world (but not of it!)

Sibling Neil

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Rev. Gerald Ambulance

Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359

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Sibling Ken
The esteemed Fr. Fiddleback of this parish drew our attention to the website of Take Heed Ministries.

Bless you for that link, Sibling Ken. It is always a good idea in my line of work to start the day trawling through a vast screed of near-psychotropic tedium. It provides a valuable way for the day to improve itself.

Of what does the church, as observed throughout its history, remind you?

Geese in a bag.

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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)

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boofhead
Shipmate
# 4478

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Dear Rev
I have been offered a new job. As part of the job contract I am required to sign over all my intellectual and moral rights to the company concerned. What should I do?
--------------
Just think, the company could hold all the rights to anything that I produced for the Parish newsletter. Or any Bible Studies - ready to be formatted into a book to be sold by Zondervan
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but then again maybe not. Most of my Bible studies don't even make it as far as the computer keyboard

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Rev. Gerald Ambulance

Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359

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Sibling Welsh
There are far too many single, female nurses in one of the evangelical churches I go to.
They would very much like to find nice, sane, Christian blokes but these seem a bit scarce.


Maybe they're being too fussy. Why can't they just settle for nice Christian blokes?

I hear a lot about these poor desparate single young Christian ladies. But when I recently ran a sermon series on the blessings of being a minister's wife (or concubine even) I received not one application.

Not that I'm saying I would have accepted. My calling to a life of separation from the ways of the flesh is unshakeable. But there are loopholes, and where else are the Twelve Tribes of Gerald that the Lord hath promised unto me going to spring from?

Do you think that intoducing polygamy into the Anglican church might perhaps make a lot of people very happy?

Just one of the many dangers of such a path.

It could draw the Anglican church closer to the Latter Day saints, as well as to the Islamic traditions.

That's another.

Maybe in the rejoicing, the celebrations of unity and the clouds of confetti, people would stop fussing about the occasional celibate but gay bishop.

And there's another.

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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)

Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Rev. Gerald Ambulance

Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359

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Sibling Sponge
It has always been my dream to be an international soulsaving celebrity like yourself, and to have my own television program on the Big-Hair-Christian network. I have faithfully followed your ministry as well as lesser celebrities like the Rev. Hinn and Rev. Tilton to learn how to preach, and have read all the books on prosperity I can find at the popular Christian bookstores. I have also bought a number of fine pearly-white suits and accumulated a number of fine automobiles and airplanes so that as a prosperous television evangelist I should prove myself faithful.
But, I still feel like I'm missing something. Could you humbly assist me in finding what that is?


I'd say that the one thing you're still missing is a television show. Get one of those, and I'm sure you'll find the paths of television evangelism open up before you like holy seas of anointment.

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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)

Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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quote:
Originally posted by Rev. Gerald Ambulance:
I have a vision of you getting beaten up in the supermarket. Is this something that happens regularly to you?

It's amazing you would know that, Father Gerald! Psychic as well as spiritual. I was in fact mugged last summmer walking up to the convenience store to buy a pack of cigarettes.

Now I'm filled with remorse that I didn't pay full price for your book. I'll stick the difference in the offering plate on Sunday. I'm sure that's what you would have me do.

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Rev. Gerald Ambulance

Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359

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Sibling Sine
It's amazing you would know that, Father Gerald! Psychic as well as spiritual. I was in fact mugged last summmer walking up to the convenience store to buy a pack of cigarettes.

That, as we with the gift of knowledge say, is close enough.

Now I'm filled with remorse that I didn't pay full price for your book. I'll stick the difference in the offering plate on Sunday. I'm sure that's what you would have me do.

Hmm. I guess that will have to come under the heading of 'close enough' too.

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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)

Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Og: Thread Killer
Ship's token CN Mennonite
# 3200

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quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
Do keep up at the back there. How can one's sock puppet already have preached at one's own wedding?

Hmmm....an intermittant sock puppet with a backstory? That would be more work than it's worth, don't ya think?

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I wish I was seeking justice loving mercy and walking humbly but... "Cease to lament for that thou canst not help, And study help for that which thou lament'st."

Posts: 5025 | From: Toronto | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
duchess

Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764

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I can't believe all the sockpuppets of the great Rev. are letting this thread drop away and die. Oh well. [Tear]

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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party

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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460

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But I thought you were a sockpuppet of Mad Geo?

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Ken

L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Og: Thread Killer
Ship's token CN Mennonite
# 3200

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quote:
Originally posted by duchess:
I can't believe all the sockpuppets of the great Rev. are letting this thread drop away and die. Oh well. [Tear]

I feel for you duchess but..... [Killing me]

A character is undone because he created too many characters.

Irony is a funny thing.

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I wish I was seeking justice loving mercy and walking humbly but... "Cease to lament for that thou canst not help, And study help for that which thou lament'st."

Posts: 5025 | From: Toronto | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
duchess

Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764

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quote:
Originally posted by ken:
But I thought you were a sockpuppet of Mad Geo?

Don't pick somebody from Southern California! Like as if! [Disappointed]

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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party

Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
chukovsky

Ship's toddler
# 116

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Well, that was a short Third Coming. Do they get shorter and shorter each time? Until they come round every week for five minutes?

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Posts: 6842 | From: somewhere else | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
AB
Shipmate
# 4060

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For the sake of my sanity, can someone please PM me and tell me who is whose sock puppet. I just can't seem to figure it out. [Paranoid]

AB

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"This is all that I've known for certain, that God is love. Even if I have been mistaken on this or that point: God is nevertheless love."
- Søren Kierkegaard

Posts: 513 | From: not so sunny Warwickshire | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460

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quote:
Originally posted by AB:
For the sake of my sanity, can someone please PM me and tell me who is whose sock puppet. I just can't seem to figure it out. [Paranoid]

AB

Duchess is Mad Geo.

Louise is Laura.

Wood is Dyfrig.

Tomb is Rook.

Kenwritze is JeffT.

GillT is Chorister.

Erin is ChastMastr.

MerseyMike is Icarus Coot.

Fiddleback is Cosmo.

The Rev. Gerald Ambulance is Rowan Williams.

You are Peter O'Toole.

And I an Queen Marie of Romania.

Simple.

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Ken

L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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Ken, I'm going to print that out and tape it by my computer for future reference. [Killing me]

(Erin being ChastMastr explains a lot.)

Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

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Freudian slip, ken, in combining Gill H and ChrisT.

In fact both of us are Chorister.

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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
chukovsky

Ship's toddler
# 116

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quote:
Originally posted by ken:

And I am Queen Marie of Romania.

Impostor. I am Marie of Roumania. Or maybe Dorothy Parker is. Or I am her. Or Jennifer Jason Leigh is.

[spacing]

[ 22. July 2003, 13:35: Message edited by: chukovsky ]

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dyfrig
Blue Scarfed Menace
# 15

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Of course I'm not Wood.

I'm pyx_e

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"He was wrong in the long run, but then, who isn't?" - Tony Judt

Posts: 6917 | From: pob dydd Iau, am hanner dydd | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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Well, if ken is Marie of Romania, it may help explain why he gets so put out with the common people during rush hour.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rev. Gerald Ambulance

Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359

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O ye of little faith, less patience and no manners whatsoever! How long must I remain with you? Until I have enough material for a new book, worse luck (or worse providence I should say).

For Rev. Gerald Ambulance is not slow to answer his people as some consider slowness - geologists for example. But all things come in the fullness of time. Such as:


quote:
Originally posted by Jack the Lass, on 3 December 2003
The church singles scene in this neck of the woods is – frankly – a bit woeful, and I was thinking that seeing as I live down the road (or more precisely, up the hill) from St Ursula’s, maybe this Sunday I should hang a left at Brockley Cross and pop into St U’s to check out the talent. In order to make sure any decision I make is suitably Spirit-led I would be most grateful for your honest opinion on the single men at St Ursula’s and whether you think they are in any way suitable prospects.
Desperately (er, I mean gratefully) yours,
JTL

Your humble patience is a model to all of us, sibling Jack. Or should be - I'm sure those who most need to learn from your paths of stillness never will.

I'm afraid my reply is a little late for the Sunday in question, but nevertheless I shall answer as fully as possible. This is my motto as a preacher - what you lack in relevance you can make up in length.

Top Bachelors of St Ursulas
Robin Spoke Age: 32
A nice lad. He's a pillar of the prayer meeting, who can be relied on to make lengthy and doubtless sound contributions, though I'm afraid he mumbles too much for anyone to be sure what he's praying about, or even when he's finished.
Likes: biscuits, Star Trek, prayer meetings.
Dislikes: sogginess, ironing, eye contact.

Alan de Bread Age: 59
A lifelong bachelor, with firm ideas about corporal punishment (for), children (against), and crying (against, unless caused by corporal punishment). A leading demonologist, with firm ideas about territorial spirits, spiritual warfare and loud exorcism.
Likes: birch, belts, cricket
Dislikes: the Devil, marshmallows, family services

Scot Floom Age: (not forthcoming)
Permanently tanned, blowdried and grinning, works for a City of London finance company. Drives a roofless red sports car, a bigwheeled car that's always covered in mud, and a hard bargain. Has been temporarily linked with every moustacheless single woman at St U's, at least in her own estimation. Often reminds me "Money isn't everything, dood", and to be fair does his utmost to prove that it is neither sincerity, depth nor intellect. When I suggested he was "a hit with the ladies", our flautist said "You're only one letter short, Rev." which she wouldn't explain, but I throw it in anyway.
Likes: brunch, shirts, the wind in his hair
Dislikes: men's breakfasts, other drivers, moss

Any of those sound like the ticket?

[Amanuensis duties. Now there's a clue.]

[ 22. July 2003, 15:19: Message edited by: SteveTom ]

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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)

Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460

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quote:
Originally posted by Gill H:
Freudian slip, ken, in combining Gill H and ChrisT.

In fact both of us are Chorister.

Slip? I thought about it for all of 2 seconds!

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Ken

L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460

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quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
quote:
Originally posted by ken:

And I am Queen Marie of Romania.

Impostor. I am Marie of Roumania. Or maybe Dorothy Parker is. Or I am her. Or Jennifer Jason Leigh is.

Actually I am Spartacus.

Or was that Spartacist?

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Ken

L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Laura
General nuisance
# 10

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Dear Rev. Gerald,

In connection with research posted elsewhere on this Board, I located several Biblical passages concerning one of our Hosts. Are you able to comment on these? They seem compelling.

Deuteronomy 28:36
The LORD shall bring thee, and thy king which thou shalt set over thee, unto a nation which neither thou nor thy fathers have known; and there shalt thou serve other gods, Wood and stone.



2 Samuel 18:8
For the battle was there scattered over the face of all the country: and the Wood devoured more people that day than the sword devoured.


Proverbs 26:20
Where no Wood is, there the fire goeth out: ...


Ecclesiastes 10:9
Whoso removeth stones shall be hurt therewith; and he that cleaveth Wood shall be endangered thereby.


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Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. - Erich Fromm

Posts: 16883 | From: East Coast, USA | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Amanuensis

Idler
# 1555

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quote:
Originally posted by Rev. Gerald Ambulance:


[Amanuensis duties. Now there's a clue.]

ok, ok... I am Gerald's sockpuppet!

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What's new?

Posts: 547 | From: Cornwall | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Rev. Gerald Ambulance

Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359

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Jack the Lass
I very much wish to attend St Ursula's High Pentecostal-Reformed Church; however up till now I have been stopped from doing so by the railway bridge at the bottom of Loampit Hill. The underside of said bridge is inhabited by many pigeons, and it is impossible to walk under the bridge without fear of being *ahem* anointed by them, or to pick up the same undesirable anointing on my shoes.

You're telling me. One those Satanic vermin dropped its unholy anointment on me earlier this year.

The answer is plain. Poisoned bread. Rid us all of that winged pestilation and tribulance, giving yourself a clear run down to St U's. It's the only language they understand.

For doeth not the word say, "Not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father?" And if he's all for it, so am I.

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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)

Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Rev. Gerald Ambulance

Soulsaving supersonic spiritual celebrity
# 359

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Sibling Ferret
Each time I log on to my PC I am electronically duped into entering said cafe. I am careful not to disclose my true age but all kinds of strange people say they want to meet me in real life.
How can I repent of this behaviour?


Just do it really.

C'mon people, I'm a world famous Christian personality. I deserve better than this. I deal in the shocking-but-ultimately-edifying. I can't publish anything this banal.

[Demons demons everywhere]

[ 22. July 2003, 21:24: Message edited by: SteveTom ]

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If God had meant women to have longer names than men, he would have created Adam and Evangeline. - Rev. Gerald Ambulance (me!)

Posts: 219 | From: Lewisham | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged



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