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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Oh, That Sarkycow!
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Sarkycow < after hastily tossing away the passerby's arm >: Uh, Icarus?
IC < looks up, stands and makes a slight bow > Enchanté, Ms. Cow. Pray sit down--would you like to join me in a cup of Earl Grey?
Sarkycow: No thanks. < under breath > I need something stronger. < canned laughter >
IC: I see you are a Hellhost--that must be most interesting--I don't know if I could take the excitement. < polite chuckle >
Sarkycow < blurting >: No, you couldn't. < canned laughter > Uh, what I mean is, I'm sure Heaven's an interesting place too--sorry about that Tigglet's Dating Agency incident. < canned laughter >
IC < with the briefest of sighs >: Ah, I thought you seemed familiar--well, no permanent damage was done.
Sarkycow: Oh, good--I'm so relieved. Well, what do you want to do tonight?
IC < politely chuckling while carefully putting his Poetry Quarterly back in his briefcase >: You certainly get to the point, Sarkycow. After we enjoy some supper, our activity choices are, of course, entirely up to you.
< Canned "UH OH!" noises... >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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ChrisT
One of the Good Guys™
# 62
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Posted
I hope IC is wearing a Sarky-proof vest underneath his dapper outer ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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Firmly on dry land
Posts: 6489 | From: Here, there and everywhere | Registered: May 2001
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soggy_amphibian
Shipmate
# 2487
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Posted
Narrator: Deep in Small Fire, where no SarkyCow would ever dare to tread, a meeting is taking place.
Nightlamp: Right, just on the offchance that SarkyCow's explorations for romance somehow don't work out in Heaven
(Canned laughter, canned audience member yelling "AS IF")
Nightlamp: we need to set up a blind date for SarkyCow. What sort of people does she like?
Ruth: She LIKES people???
(Canned laughter)
Nightlamp: She watches Buffy The Vampire Slayer... can we set her up with Xander, Xander's her sort of chap, can we get Xander?
RooK: What about getting Buffy herself?
(Canned laughter)
Ruth: They've both got a violence thing going on.
(Cue Guest Appearances)
(Erin enters, many canned cheers)
Erin: Did someone say violence?
Motherboard: Careful, she'll hear us!
(Icarus Coot runs through the board faster than Superman on steroids, on fire, wearing a bikini and screaming. He doesn't stop)
RooK: I'd better go and find out what happened.
Nightlamp: I have a better idea. Let's send a random poster to find out what happened.
(Canned laughter)
RooK: Where's Belisarius?
(OTT canned laughter)...
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Buffy: I don't like you hanging out with someone that... short.
Riley: Yeah, a lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness.
Posts: 712 | From: Back at home | Registered: Mar 2002
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Sarkycow < Running after IC >: I'm sorry, Icarus! I thought that club would loosen you up a little! < Canned laughter--she loses sight of him >
Rook: I guess I'll talk to her. < approaches > Too bad about that date with the Heaven Host.
Sarkycow: How did you know I was going out with a Heaven Host?? I didn't know!! Those forms are supposed to be confidential!!
Ruth: Oops. < Canned laughter > Oh well--whatever < goes back to chugging; canned merriment over her catchphrase >
Sarkycow: I'm going to make it up to him somehow! I'll kill if necessary!
< Everyone in hearing distance--even Ruth--starts backing away slowly. Canned laughter >
[ 03. June 2003, 21:14: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
Sarkycow: < Running after IC >: Icarus! Icarus! <waving toasting fork seductively> come back! Icarus!! I - I - I l-l-l-like you!
<Canned sentimental 'aaawwwwwww'>
Icarus: Egad, I am sorely tempted by the wench.
<Sarkycow hooks her fork through his bow tie and starts to pull him towards her>
Icarus: I'm in her power...it's strangly pleasant!
Sarkycow: Ha! You mean strangely pleasant. Preview vocaliastion is your friend, dumbass!!! I mean, my darling, little dumbass!
<canned laughter>
Icarus: <hoarsely> No, I mean STRANGLY...aaarrrghhh......let my tie go....
<canned audience nearly wets itself>
Ruth: Icarus! Hold on! Repeat after me - Preview post is my friend! Sarkycow is not my friend! Preview post is my friend! Sarkycow is not my friend!
RooK: Yeah, whatever! Well, laugh, damn you! It worked for Ruth!
<canned hysteria & applause>
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
I think somebody wants to be a play writer secretly dreaming.
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
We interrupt briefly for a Clarification Request from the Nielsen Focus Group Test Audience; a round woman in a red shirt which clashes with her lilac eye color enters to ask:
*ahem* "Excuuuuse me? We would like to know, please, just for purposes of clarification you understand...
"Was the Icarus character dressed in a bikini brief, similar to a racer's snug Speedo swimsuit? Or a thong, perhaps?
"Or was it a full-blown, tied-on-the-sides, complete with C-cup brassiere top, bikini?
<bobs a curtsy>
"Thank you all."
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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soggy_amphibian
Shipmate
# 2487
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Posted
Somehow I can't imagine young Icarus showing much skin.
I guess the answer is "use your imagination" ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
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Buffy: I don't like you hanging out with someone that... short.
Riley: Yeah, a lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness.
Posts: 712 | From: Back at home | Registered: Mar 2002
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ChrisT
One of the Good Guys™
# 62
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by soggy_amphibian:
Somehow I can't imagine young Icarus showing much skin.
Unlike our dear Belisarius - have you seen the picture in his profile? ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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Firmly on dry land
Posts: 6489 | From: Here, there and everywhere | Registered: May 2001
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Veritas
Fledgling Fool
# 4420
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Posted
Indeed! I was happily picturing an elegant and refined "Lord Bountiful of Hostly Delights" and was rather taken aback at the picture...
Still, he has undeniable talents in the sitcom-writing arena. Scarily good at it in fact. ![[Not worthy!]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
Sits back with popcorn waiting for the next installment
Posts: 634 | From: Hong Kong | Registered: Apr 2003
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
[Many thanks. The photo, BTW, emphasizes the jollier interpretation of "Lord Bountiful," but there was no room in the poolchair for a cornucopia]
< IC's bowtie snaps and he falls to the ground >
IC: OOF! I landed on the burnt side! < Canned laughter >
Sarkycow: Oh, no! Let me help you up!
IC: DON'T USE THE PITCHFORK! < Canned laughter >
Sarkycow: Oops. < throws pitchfork down, grabs him by the scruff of the neck and yanks him up > Sorry again--well, it's getting late--do you want to do something tomorrow?
IC: Uh... < going through the motions of finding his date book in his tattered briefcase > ...I'll have to see if I have any commitments--
Sarkycow < depressed >: Never mind--Nice meeting you, Icarus. < Shuffles away; laugh track groans sympathetically >
IC: Sarkycow, wait--
Sarkycow: Don't worry--just send an invoice of the damages. < Canned laughter >
IC < limping after her >: Sarkycow, I'll be frank--maybe you're right, maybe I am too stuffy, too formal--
Sarkycow: And too prissy. < Canned laughter >
IC: --anyway, maybe I do need to, as you say, "loosen up," but we may still be just too different.
Sarkycow: Oh, Icarus, I was wrong to try to make you something you're not! I know I'm a little too...too--
IC < diplomatically >: Energetic? < Canned laughter >
Sarkycow: Yeah, that's it. < canned laughter > But if you give me one more chance, I can try meeting you halfway, you dear little wimp.
Laugh Track: AAWWWWWWWWWWWWW
< pause >
IC < going through date book > Let me see...I need to spend a few days on the Shore Leave thread for this broken rib I seem to have, but I do believe I'm free this Saturday--
Sarkycow: Oh, Icarus! < embraces him >
IC: OUCH! THE RIB!
Sarkycow: Oops.
< Canned laughter and applause >
NEXT EPISODE: SARKYCOW AND THE PARKING TICKET
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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LesleyW
Yorkshire Lass
# 4445
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Posted
Don't like to be picky, but was IC wearing a bow tie with the bikini? I just like to get the mental image right. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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Me. Myself. I.
Posts: 476 | From: Round the bend and over the hill. (UK) | Registered: Apr 2003
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ChrisT
One of the Good Guys™
# 62
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Posted
Awwwww ![[Tear]](graemlins/tear.gif) Should Smudgie buy a new hat in preparation?*
*joke for UK viewers, a hark back to Blind Date - a TV program that did what it said on the tin - where the hostess (Cilla Black) would joke about 'buying a new hat' if the couple got on very well. I believe they had two marriages through the show.
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Firmly on dry land
Posts: 6489 | From: Here, there and everywhere | Registered: May 2001
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
A sweet reference to 'buying a new hat' beats something one'd hear on "Shipmates" or "Elimidate" today, or shows like that...
Better than saying he'd "bust a move on her" or she'd perform "the wild thang" on him...
*Sigh*
And you can wait forever for references to possible actual relationships forming, or miracle of miracles, for a wedding to pop up.
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
ok. So when's the next episode then? If I have to wait around much longer I may be forced to decamp back to the MMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - Darcy thread. ![[Love]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif)
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
She's a working girl with a job in Hell,
Though sometimes things don't turn out so well.
She'll get by some way, somehow,
Though trouble always follows Sarkycow!
< Scene: The Hell Office >
Nightlamp: OK, so it's settled--
Rook: SHH! Here she comes--
< Sarkycow enters; Applause >
Rook: Hey Sarkycow--who did you wind up eviscerating this morning? < Canned laughter >
Sarkycow: Oh, stop it--it doesn't happen every morning...however... < canned laughter >
Rook/Nightlamp < showing more than average interest > Yes...
Sarkycow: This guy on a cellphone simply wouldn't lower his voice--
Rook: So, did you wind up doing something involving the phone itself?
Sarkycow: Well, yeah--
Rook: I KNEW IT! Pay up, Nightlamp! < Nightlamp grumbles and reaches for his wallet; Canned laughter >
Sarkycow: You had a bet??
Rook: Of course--bare hands or foreign implement. I've been keeping a graph. < Canned laughter >
Nightlamp: Hey, isn't that cheating?--
< Sarkycow's phone rings >
Sarkycow: Hello?...oh no...tomorrow?...OK--bye. < hangs up phone dejectedly >
Rook: Sarkycow, what's wrong?
Sarkycow: Mum just told me that great-great-aunt Sarkybrontothere died last night. I hadn't seen her since I was very little--before her house arrest--< canned tittering >, but I was named after her. Such a shame.
Nightlamp: We're sorry, Sarkycow. So the funeral's tomorrow?
Sarkycow: No--she had to buried right away. Under 10 feet of concrete--Something about preventing a future armageddon. < Canned laughter >. Tomorrow is the reading of her will--it's going to be so depressing...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Segue to the next morning >
Sarkycow < bursting in >: SHE LEFT ME A ROLLS ROYCE! < Canned laughter >
Nightlamp: Well, you've cheered up.
Sarkycow < trying to be more somber >: Oh, Nightlamp, I'm just happy Aunt Sarkybrontothere remembered me. < giving up the effort > You should have been there! Now my stuck-up cousin Sarkypeccary knows who the real favorite was! < Canned laughter > Wait till Icarus comes back from his, ahem, break < Canned laughter >--I can't wait to show it to him!
Rook < underneath breath > Just don't run him over first. < Canned laughter >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Sarkycow: I can pick it up tomorrow!
Rook: Estates can be processed that quickly?
Sarkycow: Sure--I asked, and the lawyer said yes when he calmed down enough to stop begging for his life. < Canned laughter > Great-Uncle Parabos is bringing it down, which is real sweet, considering he hasn't driven since the Pliocene. < canned laughter >
Nightlamp: I didn't know you had relatives that were so old.
Sarkycow: Oh, it's just genetics and contracts involving unnatural demonic spirits < Canned laughter >. I'd like to live as long, but I guess I'm going to take after the human side of my family. < Canned laughter > But enough about me...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
[Ah, a loyal fan waits... ]
Sarkycow: ...let's talk more about my car! < Canned laughter >
< David stomps out of his office >
David: Is Sarkycow in? She has some explaining to do about--
Sarkycow: Oh, my poor Aunt Sarkybrontothere! < hides face in handkerchief; canned laughter >
David < disgustedly >: Oh, never mind--it can wait... < goes back into office >
< Sarkycow peeks out from handkerchief, then gives a "thumbs up." Canned laughter >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Scene: Small Fire. With uncharacteristic care, Sarkycow maneuvers her Rolls Royce into view >
Laugh Track: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Sarkycow: So much room on this Board! Well, I might as well make fun of the Liturgical Dance while I'm here! < Canned Laughter > Let me just park--
< does so with no difficulty >
--and it's off to choreograph some head-bashing. < canned laughter; Sarkycow tee-hees at her own joke. Just as she has left her car, Mrs. Tubbs appears in a policewoman's uniform >
Mrs. Tubbs < in a brogue >: Now, Miss, what would ye be doing there?
Sarkycow: Uh, I haven't done anything...< to self >...yet. < Canned laughter >
Mrs. Tubbs: Oh, but ye have, ye see. What of the Alternate Parking sign right afore ye? If ye'll but move over to the other side of the street, all will be fine and dandy.
Sarkycow < noticing the sign > Alternate Parking? Oh, that's silly--as if enough people come to Small Fire to have that rule!
< Canned "UH OH!" sounds >
Mrs. Tubbs < dangerously calm >: Well, we all are entitled to our opinions, aren't we, but I must beg to differ with ye. Now if you'll kindly move the car--
Sarkycow < annoyed >: Oh, c'mon! I'm the only car for blocks! Give me a break!
Mrs. Tubbs: So sorry, Miss, but the same law applies to everyone.
Sarkycow < losing her temper >: Yeah, right--aren't there some colored lights you should be putting up?
< More canned "UH OH!" sounds... >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Joyeux
Ship's Lady of Laughter
# 3851
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Posted
*whispered aside to ChastMastr*:
Scoot over and pass the popcorn! What do you think comes next?
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Float?...Do science too
Posts: 4318 | From: over th... no, there! | Registered: Dec 2002
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Mrs. Tubbs < writing out ticket >: Have it your way, Miss--< puts ticket on windshield > Good day to ye...< walks away >
Sarkycow < walking over to see ticket >: Oh, I may have to pay some chump change, but it was worth it to--THAT MUCH??? WHAT A SCAM!!! IF SHE COMES AROUND HERE AGAIN...
< slams fist on hood; all the Rolls's windows shatter. Canned laughter >
Sarkycow < moaning >: Oh, my poor car... < futilely tries to shove shards back into window frames; canned laughter >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< the next day at the Hell Office >
Sarkycow: ...and with the repairs, it's going to add up to thousands! And I never even got a "I Mocked the Liturgical Dance At Small Fire" T-Shirt! < Canned Laughter >
Rook: I thought everyone had that shirt. < More canned laughter >
Sarkycow: Small Fire is not going to get away with this!
Nightlamp: I don't know what you can do--it does sound like a fund-raising scheme, but you got enough warning.
Sarkycow: I don't care. The law is unjust!
Rook: Oh, c'mon, Sarkycow, you're starting to sound like a Newbie < Canned laughter >
Sarkycow: I don't care--I'll sue if I have to...
[ 10. June 2003, 19:53: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Icklicus Angelicus
Shipmate
# 3588
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Posted
more! more! where's my next installment???
throws "neighbours-is-late"-like rage...
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LEGOLAS: The sky wears a film of gauze. The night air breathes infamy. Deceit weaves itself around my fingernails.
(mollyringwraith)
Posts: 763 | From: Oxford / Devon | Registered: Nov 2002
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soggy_amphibian
Shipmate
# 2487
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Posted
Waiting... <canned laughter>
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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Buffy: I don't like you hanging out with someone that... short.
Riley: Yeah, a lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness.
Posts: 712 | From: Back at home | Registered: Mar 2002
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jedijudy*
Jedi defender of ship's cats
# 1059
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Posted
Tell me the show hasn't been cancelled already!!!
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ENFP...do you see a "T" anywhere??? I don't think so.
Posts: 3248 | From: Soon to be inhabiting identity # 333!!! | Registered: Aug 2001
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
<Tannoy announcement>
SARKYCOW TO SEE DAVID....SARKYCOW TO SEE DAVID....
Sarkycow; Oh blithering blasts! That's torn it!
Rook: Better get in there now. I'll hold the fort.
Nightlamp: I fort you would, RooK!
<canned hysteria abruptly starts and stops>
IN DAVID'S OFFICE.
<David is stroking large fluffy cat>
Sarkycow: Why David! what are you doing with Erin's p-
David: I'll make the single entendres Ms Cow.
Sarkycow: Yes, David.
David: It has come to our attention you have been rather sparing with your fork of late.
Sarkycow: Wh-wh-what do you mean?
David: A small pestilence has descended upon Hell by the name of Detumescent Dick or somesuch and I have had complaints that you have failed to fork him as vigorously as might be expected.
Sarkycow: That's because no decent girl would touch him with a pitchfork!
David: We didn't give you this job to be decent, my dear.
Sarkycow: I'm sorry David. I was visiting Smallfire. And before that I was on a date with Icarus Coot. And he seems to have rubbed off on me.
David: Spare me the un-sordid details.
<canned laughter>
Sarkycow: I mean, I can't swear or cuss anymore!
David: Indeed! One had noticed you no longer seem to enjoy giving newbies a metaphorical keelhauling.
Sarkycow: I do! I do!
David: Be quiet girl, I haven't proposed yet!
<canned audience cheers, wolfwhistles etc>
David: We've decided to give you one last chance, my dear, before we reassign you to All Saints. There's one board that needs shaking up and we think you're the one to do it.
<enter Alan Creswell. Loud cheers and applause from audience>
Alan Creswell: Hello David old chap, its terribly civil and public minded of you to lend us your best hostess to help us with our backlog of classical theology threads!
David: Yes, isn't it!
<cat miaows loudly>
Alan Cresswell: I say, isn't that Erin's moggy? Would you like me to return it for you? She's bound to drop in to Purg for a civilised discussion about the Holy Trinity and feminism before too long!
David: No, that won't be necessary, Alan.
<aside to Sarkycow>
David: Because all your nice, polite, civilised little threads will be covered in scatological substances and re-routed to Hell before you get a chance! You'll be spouting four letter words with worst of them before the day is out, Alan Cresswell! Won't he, Sarkycow!!!!
Sarkycow: Oh cripes! All my expletives seem to have been deleted just when I needed them! At this rate I'll be stuck in Purgatory starting threads on cucumber sandwiches for all eternity!
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
[Sorry for the delay!]
Sarkycow: ...what am I saying? I'm a Hellhost! No Purgatorial nattering can affect me!
< Segue: A Purgatorial Cubicle >
Sarkycow < wearing reading glasses > Oooh, "Vandal Worship in Roman Churches!" It's about time this topic was addressed!--let me put up some reference links...
< Canned hysteria >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Meanwhile, in Hell >
David < apprehensively >: Without Sarkycow's blunders, Hell is too quiet! At this rate, we'll be downsized! I'll have to do Rook and Nightlamp's work--become a Host again! Ew! < Canned laughter > I never thought I'd want her back, but it's time to bite the bullet--ROOK! NIGHTLAMP!
< they come in >
Rook: Why are you yelling like that? We're not Sarkycow! < Canned laughter >
David: I have determined that Sarkycow's mission is a failure--you will retrieve her...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Sarkycow: Tsk--another homoousion/homoiousion mixup--I hope it's a typo--would hate to think anyone is that ignorant--< Canned Laughter; Rook and Nightlamp burst in >
Nightlamp: Good news, Sarkycow--you can come back to Hell!
Sarkycow: In what way are you using the term "Good News?" If you are alluding to the vernacular titling of the Gospels, I'm afraid such terminology is frowned upon here...
< Nightlamp and Rook slowly back out; Canned hysterics >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Back in Hell... >
David: What do you MEAN, she's not back??
Nightlamp: Sorry, David--we were too freaked out!
Rook < whimpering >: You can't make us go back! < Canned laughter >
David: CEASE YOUR WHINING! BRING HER BACK--I DON'T CARE HOW!!
< Outside of David's office >
Nightlamp: What are we going to do??
Rook: I don't care < going through mail >--I'd rather sort all the Boards' mail instead--wait a minute--Here's a notice from Admins--Sarkycow never paid her ticket, so they're garnishing that AND a penalty from her wages!
Nightlamp: Well, well, well... < Canned "UH OH!" sounds >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< In purgatory >
Sarkycow: ...Tsk--Reform and Conservatism are not mutually exclusive--where do these posters come from?...
< Nightlamp and Rook enter >
Nightlamp: Er, hello, Sarkycow.
Sarkycow: Ah--not particularly informative, but adequately concise. < Canned tittering >
Rook < whispering > Get this over with! PLEASE! < Canned laughter >
Nightlamp: Well, Sarkycow, there's this, uh, reference we'd like your opinion on.
Sarkycow < reaching for Admins' notice >: Very well--such a small publication should be easy to analyze...oh, it's for me...so..my wages are being...GARNISHED...< her face starts contorting; canned laughter >...how does this...< chokes it out > EVENT...< Canned laughter > prove... reflect on the financial nature...of...of...yes, yes...the financial NATURE of--AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!! <CENSORED> <CENSORED> <CENSORED> <CENSORED> <CENSORED> <CENSORED>!!!!!!!!!!!! < Canned hysterics; Nightlamp and Rook hastily exit right before Alan Cresswell enters >
AC: Sarkycow, what is the meaning of this outburst??
Sarkycow: AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!! SARKYCOW SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!! < In a blatant ripoff of a recently-released movie, Sarkycow slams her fists on her desk, splitting it in two. Canned hysterics >
AC: In what possible way does that poorly-constructed communication--
Sarkycow: AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!! < lifts AC over her shoulders and throws him out of the office; even more canned hysterics >
AC < weakly moaning outside >: That personal attack does nothing to prove your point... < Canned laughter >
Sarkycow: HEY GUYS!! WAIT UP!! < runs out; Canned laughter and applause >
NEXT EPISODE: SARKYCOW IN HEAVEN
[ 24. June 2003, 03:37: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
And now, a word from our sponsors:
reprisal
We now return you to your regularly-scheduled hilarity. Well, OK, there might be some babbling non-hilarity before the hilarity, but we're hoping that there will, in fact, be some more hilarity eventually.
[Your typos were hilarious ]
[ 25. June 2003, 19:38: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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snowgoose
Silly goose
# 4394
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Posted
<snarfs a handful of David's popcorn when he isn't looking>
Sar-KY! Sar-KY! Sar-KY!
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Lord, what can the harvest hope for, if not for the care of the Reaper Man? --Terry Pratchett
Save a Siamese!
Posts: 3868 | From: Tidewater Virginia | Registered: Apr 2003
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by snowgoose:
<snarfs a handful of David's popcorn when he isn't looking>
Sar-KY! Sar-KY! Sar-KY!
(Popcorns a handful of snowgoose's Snarf when she isn't looking!)
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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ChrisT
One of the Good Guys™
# 62
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Posted
*wanders in wearing a "Sarky For Big Brother" t-shirt*
Can I have some popcorn as well, please? Thanks awfully.
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Firmly on dry land
Posts: 6489 | From: Here, there and everywhere | Registered: May 2001
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
< In Heavenly Hosts' pink fluffy boudoir >
<Icarus Coot is combing Belisarius' beard. Stoo and ChrisT are playing cat's cradle with some sparkly shoelaces>
Icarus: (sighs) This is jolly good fun, guys, but it's not the same -
ChrisT}:
Icarus Coot}:
Belisarius}: (in unison) As it was when Sarky was around! We know!
ChrisT: Look old chap, Sarky is a Hellhost. You're better off without her.
Stoo: Yes, better to fork - get her!
<Hysterical laughter>
<Sarky's voice from outside>
Sarky: OK, OK David, I get the picture!
<Icarus Coot looks up hopefully>
<Enter Sarky Cow. Audience erupts with applause, cat calls etc>
Icarus: Sarky! It's you!
Sarky: No ****, Sherlock
Icarus: No, it's me, Icarus! No-**** Sherlock isn't here!
<Audience supporting each other as they laugh so much they fall off chairs>
Stoo: She means, well, that's no blithering surprise.
Sarky: No, I mean that's no blithering surprise, Asshat!
<Audience falling around gasping for breath>
Belisarius: Kindly moderate your Hellish parlance, Madam.
ChrisT: Yeah, can it, sweetheart.
Icarus: Whoops! someone's in for another refresher course on Heavenly Hosting!
Sarky: Who are you telling to can it, Pointy Bra Man?
<Audience unable to utter more than low moans of mirth>
ChrisT: It's a feckin' air guitar, you - you -
Belisarius: Please confine yourself to Heavenly epithets, Chris.
ChrisT: I was going to, you stupid -
<Belisarius clears throat warningly>
ChrisT: I mean, Stoo, piddling in the sink again! I saw him! What on earth is the world coming to!
<Audience nearly has to be taken away in ambulances to recover from overwhelming mirth>
Stoo: That's not fair! I was piddling in the bath!
<Cut to David, watching prodeeding on a close-circuit monitor>
David: (stroking cat) Already they are at each other's throats! My plan is proceeding splendidly!
<Phone rings. He picks it up>
David: Alan! My friend! What can I fail to do for you?
<Ripple of laughter from audience, unsure if this is funny or not but doing their best>
David: You say Purgatory is no fun anymore and you want Sarky back to spice things up a bit?
Excellent!
<Puts phone down>
David: I am in charge of Sarky and soon I will be in charge of everything! Simon and Erin will powerless to stop me!
<Enter Erin>
<Audience goes ballistic>
Erin: Not so fast. When I've finished with you your asshat's sons will have asshats, you *******!
<Audience find they can still go up one more level in hilarity>
[edited for Prime-Time Viewing]
[ 25. June 2003, 17:17: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Jen.
Godless Liberal
# 3131
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Posted
Jenny Ann considers talking to a lawyer about sueing for deformation on behalf of Stoo.....Maybe she should speak to him about this first...
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Was Jenny Ann, but fancied being more minimal.
Posts: 5318 | From: Manchester, England | Registered: Aug 2002
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Icklicus Angelicus
Shipmate
# 3588
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Posted
ahem...
did you mean:
defORmation - 1: a change for the worse [syn: {distortion}] 2: the act of twisting or deforming the shape of something
or
defAMation - Act of injuring another's reputation by any slanderous communication, written or oral; the wrong of maliciously injuring the good name of another; slander; detraction; calumny; aspersion.
either way...
<sweeping bow>
Ship's lawyer at your service ma'am. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
You want a libel case honey? It's in the bag... now all we gotta do is... <lowers voice>
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LEGOLAS: The sky wears a film of gauze. The night air breathes infamy. Deceit weaves itself around my fingernails.
(mollyringwraith)
Posts: 763 | From: Oxford / Devon | Registered: Nov 2002
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Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
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Posted
Bel wrote:
quote:
Sarkycow: ...and with the repairs, it's going to add up to thousands! And I never even got a "I Mocked the Liturgical Dance At Small Fire" T-Shirt! < Canned Laughter >
You get those from Mystery Worship ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif) We sell the "I went to Small Fire and All I Got Was This Lousy ![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif) "
Tubbs
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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Icklicus Angelicus:
ahem...
did you mean:
defORmation - 1: a change for the worse [syn: {distortion}] 2: the act of twisting or deforming the shape of something
or
defAMation - Act of injuring another's reputation by any slanderous communication, written or oral; the wrong of maliciously injuring the good name of another; slander; detraction; calumny; aspersion.
I read it that she is going to sue Stoo to get him deformed.
Might be wrong though - maybe SOF should take a professional opinion on it.
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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ChrisT
One of the Good Guys™
# 62
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Posted
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
*trying desperately not to burst out with raucous laughter in an open plan office...*
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Firmly on dry land
Posts: 6489 | From: Here, there and everywhere | Registered: May 2001
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Jen.
Godless Liberal
# 3131
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Icklicus Angelicus:
ahem...
did you mean:
defORmation - 1: a change for the worse [syn: {distortion}] 2: the act of twisting or deforming the shape of something
or
defAMation - Act of injuring another's reputation by any slanderous communication, written or oral; the wrong of maliciously injuring the good name of another; slander; detraction; calumny; aspersion.
either way...
<sweeping bow>
Ship's lawyer at your service ma'am.
You want a libel case honey? It's in the bag... now all we gotta do is... <lowers voice>
Sorry, the second one. I have no spelling skills. I am pleased to offer you the position of Stoo's lawyer. Congratulations!
J (P.A. to the wonderous heaven host that is Mr. Stoo Berry.)
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Was Jenny Ann, but fancied being more minimal.
Posts: 5318 | From: Manchester, England | Registered: Aug 2002
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Icklicus Angelicus
Shipmate
# 3588
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Posted
[MR BURNS STYLE VOICE]
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeexcellent
[/MR BURNS STYLE VOICE]
So what are you after? I reckon we could manage a 6-figure sum with relatively little effort* specially if Stoo has suffered severe mental distress since the alleged libellous act.
*no relationship to the number of hours i will be forced to bill you for
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LEGOLAS: The sky wears a film of gauze. The night air breathes infamy. Deceit weaves itself around my fingernails.
(mollyringwraith)
Posts: 763 | From: Oxford / Devon | Registered: Nov 2002
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
[Fanks for the new location, Arrietty ]
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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