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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Oh, That Sarkycow!
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Sarkycow: Oh, puh-leeze! Where I'm from, girly, that's a toothpick!
< Louise casually flicks her switchblade; the prongs of Sarkycow's pitchfork drop off >
Laugh Track: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Sarkycow: ...Okay, a sharp toothpick. < Canned laughter > But I thought you Purg Hosts were all talk!
Louise: We have a thread in progress discussing when violence is a necessary response. I suggest you go over and take a look...now.
Sarkycow: You can't tell me what to do!
Louise: I guess not--the words I'm using aren't small enough.
Laugh Track: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Sarkycow: THAT DOES IT! < she swings the handle of her pitchfork, knocking the switchblade out of Louise's hand. They grab each other and fall to the floor, rolling around in a Dynasty-style catfight. Canned cheers >
Alan C. < hurrying in with thermonuclear device > Here it is--just be careful not to--
Sarkycow < springing up, getting her costume torn by Louise in the process > Thanks Alan-- < snatches thermonuclear device > gotta run! < dashes out to Canned applause >
[ 18. July 2003, 02:42: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Segue to the Heavenly Boudoir >
IC: Good--we have all the wittiest threads reserved. Sarkycow will be right at home.
Belisarius < whispering to Stoo and ChrisT > Two words--Plastic Covers. < Canned laughter >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Segue to Hell >
Rook < carrying in Chicken Wings, some 12-packs, a funnel, etc. >: So where should we put this so Sarkycow won't find it?
Nightlamp: How about David's office? She won't go in there. < Canned laughter... >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
<aside to ChastMastr:>
Psst! Let me know when she gets their butts! I know she'll triumph - she always does in the end - but I can't take the suspense meanwhile...
<Janine wanders away to dust off new modem...>
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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AdamPater
Sacristan of the LavaLamp
# 4431
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Posted
<settles into comfy chair and happily starts chomping on licorice purloined from ChastMstr while he wasn't looking>
He he.. that Sarky, she's so cool...
*splutter* *cough* ... what the.. Hey! Chast!! What's up with this licorice? it tastes like leather!
oh.... ewwwww....
Anyone got some popcorn? No.. not you, Chast...
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Put not your trust in princes.
Posts: 4894 | From: On the left of the big pink bit. | Registered: Apr 2003
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
[We now return...]
< Nightlamp/Rook leave; Sarkycow tiptoes in with thermonuclear device >
Sarkycow: Now where should I set this off?--of course, David's office! Then there won't be any way he'll miss it! < tosses device in without looking; canned "UH-OH!" noises > That'll show Rook and Nightlamp--I'll be Queen of the Troll Memorial! < Canned laughter >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Rook and Nightlamp reappear with more party stuff. They see Sarkycow and throw it behind a desk >
Nightlamp: Oh, uh, hi, Sarkycow. We're going to be very busy with the Memorial, so why don't you take an hour or so off?--we'll cover for you and call you back when we're done.
Sarkycow < tight-lipped >: Fine. < walks off in a huff >
Rook: Do you think she suspects?
Nightlamp: She just got to take an hour off--are you kidding? < Canned laughter >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Segue to Heaven's Boudoir >
IC: Now who could that be?... < Sarkycow enters >
Sarkycow: I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier--I didn't want those jerks to know.
IC: Oh, that's all right--in Heaven we do a lot of forgiving--
Laugh Track: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWW...
IC: --But I've been trying to find you--
Sarkycow: Oh, I was waiting around for...something. < Canned laughter >
IC: I still have something for you--< makes a motion; Belisarius, Stoo, and ChrisT wheel in a birthday cake >
B/S/C < unenthusiastic monotone >: Happy Birthday, Sarkycow. < Canned laughter >
Sarkycow: Oh, that's so sweet--this is what's important in life--not fame or recognition or winning, but people who care about you. < hugs IC >
Laugh Track: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWW...
Sarkycow: OH MY GOD! I HAVE TO SET OFF THE DEVICE! < pushes IC away into a wall; canned hysterics > WHERE'S YOUR KEYBOARD? < jumps to it and posts HERE'S MY CONTRIBUTION TO THE TROLL MEMORIAL, then hits Alan's remote. There's a deafening BOOM and the Boudoir shakes >
Sarkycow: Who says you can't have everything? < Canned laughter; a blackened Rook and Nightlamp rush in >
Nightlamp: What have you done?? You just destroyed David's office
Rook < wailing >: And all the party stuff was there!
Sarkycow: Party?...then...there was no...< Nightlamp/Rook shake heads vigourously >
David < whose bellow can be heard all the way from Hell >: SARKYCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!
Sarkycow: Oops. < Canned laughter and applause >
NEXT EPISODE: OVERTIME IN HELL
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
She's a working girl with a job in Hell,
Though sometimes things don't turn out so well.
She'll get by some way, somehow,
Though trouble always follows Sarkycow!
< Scene: The Hell Office, still showing some effects from the end of the previous episode. Sarkycow enters; Applause. >
Sarkycow: Hello Night--hey, where is everybody?
< David fumingly enters from the ruins of his office >
David: Well, Sarkycow, Nightlamp and Rook are taking a few days off. A little matter of RADIATION POISONING! < canned laughter > It will be just the two of us for a while--< starts smiling > we're going to have such fun...
< Canned "UH-OH!" Noises >
Sarkycow: Oh, good--I thought you were going to be mad. < Canned laughter >
David: First--there's the matter of cleaning my office < hands Sarkycow a toothbrush; canned laughter >
Sarkycow: You expect me to clean all that with this??
David: You can use that... < gets really close and says in a menacing whisper > ...or your tongue.
Sarkycow: ...and the handle's such a pretty color! < Canned laughter... >
[ 20. March 2009, 19:06: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Scene: later that day--Sarkycow is crawling on the floor scrubbing with the toothbrush >
Sarkycow < grumbling a la Homer Simpson > Stupid David getting mad just because a thermonuclear device went off in his office...< Canned titters >
< The Troll Alarm goes off, Sarkycow wearily gets up and goes to a viewscreen >
(On Viewscreen) IF YOU DONT THINK THERE GOING TO HELL THEN YOUR STUPID OR GOING TO HELL TO BYE IM GOING TO FIND REAL XTIANS
< Moaning with fatigue, Sarkycow reaches for her pitchfork; sympathetic groans from the Laugh Track >
[ 30. June 2017, 18:05: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
David < from office >: MAKE SURE YOU FINISH THE FLOOR WHEN YOU GET BACK!
Sarkycow < under breath >: Yeah, yeah--
< Intercom goes on >
Icarus Coot: Hello Sarkycow--just to let you know that I'm sending down the "My Favorite Racist Jokes" thread...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Icklicus Angelicus
Shipmate
# 3588
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Posted
<is sitting on extreme edge of chair before she and the chair completely overbalance and clatter loudly to the floor amoungst grunts of pain and disapproving glares of the rest of the audience>
![[Embarrassed]](icon_redface.gif) sorry...
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LEGOLAS: The sky wears a film of gauze. The night air breathes infamy. Deceit weaves itself around my fingernails.
(mollyringwraith)
Posts: 763 | From: Oxford / Devon | Registered: Nov 2002
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Sarkycow: I can't take much more of this by myself--
< Newbie alarm goes off >
Viewscreen: Just because I put my first post on the wrong Board doesn't mean that everybody has to be so mean to me...
Sarkycow: I have to get another Host to help me--but who?...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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MadKaren
Shipmate
# 1033
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Posted
<sarkycow>
Now who would do anything for me...after all I'm in david's bad book. Hmm....
<Lightbulb goes on in Sarkycows head>
<sarkycow>
Of course! My dear sweet Icarus. I'll just get my HolyCow outfit together and pop up to heaven to ask him. After all, no-ones going to miss me here...
MadKaren
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--
Why do people who claim to love God embarrass him in public?
Posts: 866 | From: Jumping along the line between genius and insanity.... | Registered: Aug 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
...for now. I need one more back up--
< Enter jlg in her Nativity Board's Sheep 3 persona. Canned titters >
jlg: You rang? < shakes her head, ringing the bell around her neck for emphasis; canned laughter > I could use a break from Mystery Worship!
Sarkycow: You're going still around in that sheep getup? It's been over seven months, you know.
jlg: Hey, don't judge me! I'm trying to work through this compulsion the best way I can!
Sarkycow: I don't know...you don't give me the impression of holding your own in Hell--
jlg: *Sheep plop*
Sarkycow: You're hired. < Canned laughter > Take care of the newbie while I pay a visit to Heaven...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< segue to the Heavenly Boudoir >
Sarkycow < sashaying in in her Holycow robe >: Oh Icaruuuus...
< IC enters >
IC: Oh, hello--I was just observing the most charming thread--"Shock Classical Radio"--
Sarkycow < momentarily impatient >: yesyesyes-- < resumes role > Icarus, honey, sweetie, could you do me an itty-bitty-EENSY favor?
IC: Of course--what would that be?
Sarkycow < quickly >: Could you run Hell while I take an eight or nine-hour break? < Canned laughter >
IC: What??
Sarkycow < dropping her act >: C'mon! What have you done for me lately? < Canned laughter >
IC: Well, I didn't break up with you after our first date, I defended your reputation in Heaven, I just gave you a birthday party--
Sarkycow: Fine, fine, fine--never mind then-- < with mock stoicism > I'll just have to deal with all of Hell's problems...myself... < dramatically starts exiting >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Segue to Hell >
Newbie < slipping around splattered with sheep dung >: YOU'RE STILL BEING MEEEEEEEAN!! < Canned hysterics... >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
IC < sighing >: All right--I'll see what I can do in a while.
Sarkycow: Thank you, Icarus--I appreciate your kindness. I'll take care of as much of Hell as I can before you arrive... < under breath as she leaves > ...sucker. < Canned laughter >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Segue to the Hell Offices--Sarkycow is reclining at her desk while jlg enthusiastically trots around the floor with a bucket and mop >
Sarkycow: In my day, I had to do this with a toothbrush. You have it so easy. < canned laughter >
jlg: This is all so visceral, so gritty--I feel so alive! I may never go back to Mystery Worship--
< A booming organ chord suddenly resounds, startling Sarkycow and jlg. Siegfried, wearing a Geneva gown, slowly descends while sitting on a cardboard cloud; canned titters >
Siegfried: "As a shepherd seeks out his flock when some of his sheep have been scattered abroad, so will I seek out my sheep--" in other words, get your woolly butt back here! < reascends to canned laughter and applause >
jlg: Oh well--see you later. < trots off >
Sarkycow: WAIT!...oh no, what will I do before Icarus stops by? < slaps head > Of course! I'll just get myself cloned! < canned laughter > But how?...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Segue to Hell Office some time later. Sarkycow enters >
Sarkycow: Boy, that cloning was easier than I thought! And very reasonably priced too! < Canned laughter >. C'mon in, Holycow.
< Sarkycow's clone comes wearing the Holycow regalia >
Sarkycow: Now all you have to do is finish cleaning up the office with this toothbrush.
Holycow: Is that it? My pleasure. < starts cleaning to canned laughter... >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Sarkycow: And now, some well-deserved rest... < exits >
Holycow < scrubbing away >: Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens... < Canned laughter; Icarus Coot enters >
IC: Why, Sarkycow--you have gotten everything under control.
Holycow < standing up and curtseying >: It's Holycow.
IC: Oh, Sarkycow, you don't have to start doing that again for my sake!
Holycow: I'm not doing anything I don't want to. I just hope you're happy!
IC < grinning >: Oh, I'm happy indeed!
< Canned "UH-OH!" noises... >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
IC: ...but why don't you take a break now?
Holycow: I really should get this done--
IC: ...but it would make me happy.
Holycow < brightly >: OK. < sits in a nearby chair motionless; canned titters >
IC: Er, if you're not in the mood to talk--
Holycow: Oh, of course I am! I just didn't want to assume! < Canned laughter > You're a Heaven Host--do you want to play a Game?
< IC does a double-take at such an un-Sarkycow-like proposition; canned hysterics >
IC: < testing his luck >: How about...Trading Bible Verses?
Holycow: I'd love to! What Book should we start with?
IC: How about...an easy one...like...The Song of Solomon?
Laugh Track: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Holycow: Sure, why not? < Canned laughter... >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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soggy_amphibian
Shipmate
# 2487
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Posted
INT HELL, what passes for DAY.
Enter SarkyCow
SC: [yawns]. OK HolyCow, how's it coming?
[whispers in the audience, strains of "uh-oh"]
SC: HolyCow? HOLYCOW? Damn, she'd better be engrossed in her work.
[suppressed giggle]
[Newbie alarm goes off. Heavenly Thread alarm goes off. TICETH [Today I've Consigned Everything To Hell] alarm goes off. Angry David alarm goes off. Every other alarm in the place goes off. Sheep dropping lands from above.]
SC: Oh... smeg...
[RooK pops his head round the door]
RooK: Looks like everythings gone to Hell!
[RooK disappears as fast as he can, over the hills and far away, etc etc]
Voice Of David: SARKYCOW!!!!
Meanwhile in Heaven:
HC: Why does it say to hunt the little foxes? I love little foxes and other cuddly animals!
IC: Are you absolutely sure you're in tip-top condition?
[ 18. August 2003, 23:53: Message edited by: soggy_amphibian ]
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Buffy: I don't like you hanging out with someone that... short.
Riley: Yeah, a lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness.
Posts: 712 | From: Back at home | Registered: Mar 2002
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soggy_amphibian
Shipmate
# 2487
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Posted
[Foxhunting reference: Song Of Solomon 2:15]
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Buffy: I don't like you hanging out with someone that... short.
Riley: Yeah, a lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness.
Posts: 712 | From: Back at home | Registered: Mar 2002
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
(Eating popcorn, David (me, not the famous one with the single-digit number) wonders if there is a spin-off series in the works here... "Can HolyCow make it on her own on another set of boards? Tune in on Thursdays at eight and find out!")
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
[Food for thought...]
Sarkycow < slapping head >: Oh, no! Was Icarus here already?...with?...I have to get up to Heaven again NOW! < dashes out just as David stomps in with his cellphone >
David: I don't care if they're still glowing, Nightlamp--get back in here NOW! < Canned laughter >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
Does somebody have a wee little crushy-poo on Sarkycow?
(did I say that already? If so...forgive me)
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
(You are forgiven)
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
Hehe. ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Sarkycow bursts into Heaven's boudoir >
Sarkycow: ICARUUUUUUUUS!
< A slightly-dishevelled IC appears >
IC < fervently >: Oh, Sarkycow, the minutes were like hours! Still I am the happiest of men... but...why are you wearing your Hellhost costume again?
Sarkycow < fearing the worst >: Uh, what do you mean?
IC: Oh, dearest Sarkycow, in your innocence, do not toy with your ardent servant! If you have changed your mind and will not be finally joining me in Heaven after all, surely I will perish!
< Major canned "UH-OH!" noises... >
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
(Now pondering whether or not HolyCow will wind up, not only with her own series, but with her own world, possibly cube-shaped with thousands of imperfect duplicates...)
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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AdamPater
Sacristan of the LavaLamp
# 4431
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Posted
<fidgets, cold, lonely.. hungry for popcorn but determined not to show it>
Where's Sarky gone?
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Put not your trust in princes.
Posts: 4894 | From: On the left of the big pink bit. | Registered: Apr 2003
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by duchess:
Does somebody have a wee little crushy-poo on Sarkycow?...
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
so who doesn't?
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Holycow comes tripping in carrying a suitcase >
Holycow: Sorry I was delayed, but--oh, hello, Sarkycow!
IC: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa? < Canned hysterics >
Sarkycow: Icarus, I can explain--
IC: Sarkycow--if you are Sarkycow--whatever happened, it went too far! But I forgive you...
Laugh Track: AAAAAAAAAAAWWWW
IC: ...as it has brought Holycow into my life! < embraces Holycow; canned hysterics >
Sarkycow: You're just dropping me??
IC: I'm sorry, Sarkycow, but I can't be involved with two women! I have to make < looking pointedly at Holycow > the moral choice. < Canned laughter > For breaking the Laws of God and Nature, I think you're getting off easy. < Canned laughter >
Holycow: Oh, Icarus, you're so gallant! Oh--the reason I was late is because I accepted a part-time job at Happiness.com, as things were under control in Hell when I left--
IC: How wonderful, darling! < they embrace >
Sarkycow: AAAAGH!
< Canned laughter and applause >
NEXT EPISODE: KEEPING UP APPEARANCES
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
OK, so who'll give me odds on Holycow surviving the next episode? They've got to be pretty long...
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Joyeux
Ship's Lady of Laughter
# 3851
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Posted
I don't know... if Holycow is a true clone, then it'd be even money. If, however, Holycow is only a clone of the heavenly side, then would she know how to fend off a pitch-fork?
Bel - is there going to be a special, extra-long, season premiere episode soon? Pleeeeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!!! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Float?...Do science too
Posts: 4318 | From: over th... no, there! | Registered: Dec 2002
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Janine:
quote:
Originally posted by duchess:
Does somebody have a wee little crushy-poo on Sarkycow?...
so who doesn't?
Me...cuz I like mens...however I do get a hankering for STEAK with A-1 or Heinz 57 sauce everytime she is near.
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169
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Posted
From duchess:
quote:
however I do get a hankering for STEAK with A-1 or Heinz 57 sauce everytime she is near.
Wonder how many times she's been asked, "Got milk?"
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Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.
Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
She's a working girl with a job in Hell,
Though sometimes things don't turn out so well.
She'll get by some way, somehow,
Though trouble always follows Sarkycow!
< Scene: The Hell Office. Sarkycow is reading a copy of The Rules for Cows. Enter RooK and Nightlamp. >
RooK: Hey, Sarky! Guess what we've been doing!
<Sarky continues to read>
Nightlamp: Yes, guess what!
<No response fron Sarky. NL and RooK look at each other.>
Nightlamp: We've been - er - busting newbies' asses, I believe is the phrase! Aren't you pleased?
RooK: It's no good, she's not listening. She's still trying to find a way to get that stuck up Icarus Coot back.
Sarky: (to herself, incredulously): You show interest in his work? And agree with him? (shudders) It's no good, I'll never get the hang of this.
<Audience laughter.>
<Enter David.>
David: Ah, Sarky Cow. Might we hope to get a little work from you now your unfortunate liaison has run its course?
Sarky Cow: Run its course? What the **** do you mean? No son-of-a-***** Heaven host is going to dump me for some stuck-up, toffee-nosed, goody goody, fuddy duddy b*stard daughter of an asshat's second best asshat!
<Laughter and applause.>
David: (to RooK and NL) You see? As I predicted, without Icarus' Coot's influence she is now completely back to normal!
RooK: I'm not so sure about that, David.
Nightlamp: Yes, I know that look in her eye. She's about to say she has a -
Sarky: I have a PLAN!!!!! (Shouts through the door) Snobby? Snobby, get in here NOW!
<Enter another Sarky clone. She is wearing white gloves, a flowery skirt and a hat.>
Sarky: Meet my secret weapon - Snobby Cow!
Snobby: Pleased to met you, Ai'm sure!
<Snobby extends her hand to David. David leaps back.>
David: What the f -
Snobby: Ooh, charming, Ai don't think!
RooK: What's the plan, Sarky?
Nightlamp: yes, are you completely - (stops as he sees Rook mouthing 'humour her' at him)
Sarky: Well, we're going to kidnap Holy Cow and replace her with Snobby Cow. Then when she's screwed up Heaven by telling people off about their grammar and telling everyone to act like little ladies and gentlemen and saying she doesn't understand why they can't just all play a nice game of Snap, he'll want ME back!
Nighlamp: Hang on a minute, we're going to kidnap Holy Cow?
Sarky: Yes, of course! One for all and all for one! You can lure her down here by asking her to - er - I don't know, ask her to start a Fiddleback appreciation thread or something!
David: Hmmmm, not a bad idea, Sarky! Heaven with the frivolity edited out and Hell denizens being asked to see the good in Fiddleback! That will drive everyone mad!
Sarky: Well come on, you two! Are you in or out?
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
["The Rules for Cows"--Tee-hee.]
RooK: I don't know--if Holycow's a Heaven-Host type, she won't start a non-fictional appreciation thread--it violates their secret rules.
Sarkycow: Dammit!
Nightlamp < suspiciously to RooK >: How do you know so much about Heaven?
Laugh Track: OOOOOOOO!
RooK < defensively >: Hey, I just picked it up--like the trivia on Snapple bottlecaps--
< Canned laughter >
David: --simply think of another thread idea and stop wasting my time!
Sarkycow: I GOT IT! David, send a note to Holycow that she's required to start at least one Hellish thread in order to be a well-rounded member of Heaven--
David: How will that--
Sarkycow: Let me finish--I know my clones; she'll start a thread she thinks is Hellish, like "I hate it when my pillows aren't fluffy enough" or some **** like that! < Canned laughter > Everyone will go nuts and it will be easy to ambush her!
David: Amazing, Sarkycow--you've actually had two good ideas... < Canned laughter >
[ 29. August 2003, 16:30: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
< Segue to outside the Hell Office--Snobbycow is smugly accepting the attention of two admirers >
Sine Nomine: Lordy, Miss Snobbycow, it's been ages since I've had the pleasure of beholding such exquisite bitchery--
tomb: Back off, Banquetboy--I'm. Talking. To. Her...
[ 29. August 2003, 14:16: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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soggy_amphibian
Shipmate
# 2487
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Posted
<BUMP>
[my biggest question is, does the clone machine reappear? Demonicus Coot! Yeah!]
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Buffy: I don't like you hanging out with someone that... short.
Riley: Yeah, a lot of young people nowadays are experimenting with shortness.
Posts: 712 | From: Back at home | Registered: Mar 2002
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Joyeux
Ship's Lady of Laughter
# 3851
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by ChastMastr:
This could be so Bizarro!! ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
I want to see it!! I want to see it!!
David
hello, me am going
clones going amok...
"You no am Sarkycow! Me am Sarkycow!"
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Float?...Do science too
Posts: 4318 | From: over th... no, there! | Registered: Dec 2002
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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716
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Posted
(On a side note, so as not to derail this wonderful programme, to resolve that particular problem, Bizarro wore a big medallion with BIZARRO #1 on it. Later, when he decided to try the "disguised as Clark Kent" schtick, it didn't work very well because he forgot to take the medallion off...)
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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity
Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
[Sorry for the delay.
A vaguely Sarkycow-esque commercial
We now return to... ]
Snobbycow: Do control yourself, my good man--a lady may converse with whomever she chooses.
Sine Nomine: Hah!
Snobbycow < archly to SN >: I must, however, admit my unease regarding your use of a pseudonym. Far be it from me to judge such a strategy, but it would be a shame for such a barrier--
Sine Nomine < panicking >: No, no, you are absolutely right--how caddish of me--my select friends know me as--
< Sarkycow rushes in >
Sarkycow: There you are! You have to get ready--
tomb: Do you mind?
Sine Nomine: Really, some people!
< Canned laughter >
Snobbycow: Oh, do be charitable to the impetuosity of my dear relation < slightly lowering voice > The saying about Blood and Water is, for better or worse, true.
Laugh Track: OOOOOOOOOO!
Sine Nomine < hand on heart >: I hope, Miss Snobbycow, you will continue to set me straight in the future.
tomb: My apologies, dear Madame, for being out of line.
Snobbycow: Dear sirs, don't apologize to me... < tilts head in Sarkycow's direction >
< With the slightest hesitation, the two turn to Sarkycow >
tomb: Sorry for our rudeness--
SN: --It was unintentional < both formally bow and then resume their attentions on Snobbycow; canned titters >
Sarkycow < fuming >: Never mind! I'll deal with you later...
[Canned audience added]
[ 03. September 2003, 20:17: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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