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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Oh, That Sarkycow!
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
Flagellation (note spelling) is different from flaying. Try reading a dictionary before throwing round long words which you obviously don't know the meaning of.
And you may appear regularly if I get to mock you mercilessly every week. Oh yeah, I do that already.
Sarkycow
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Lifeman
Troll
# 579
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Posted
Always a pleasure to appear on your show Miss Cow
Posts: 746 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
I'd like to say the same thing.
Scratch that, I wouldn't.
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Lifeman
Troll
# 579
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Posted
Come on Miss Cow,
You give everyone a fair crack of the whip....
Posts: 746 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
Narrator: Initially Belisarius was not convinced about having co-writers involved in the process
<cut to Heavenly Boudoir - Belisarius grinding teeth at screen> :
Who the **** ******** **** is Arrietty and why is she posting on MY THREAD??????
Icarus Coot < filing his nails >: Take a chill pill, dude.
<cut to Icarus Coot in on-set caravan, drinking Brut Champagne and trying on leather studded dog collar>:
Quite frankly, and this may sound a teentsy, weentsy little bit ungrateful, I think it did Belly Boy good to have to deal with other writers chipping in. I had noticed - and so had my public - that he was a tiny teeny little tadlet prone to set all the scenes in Hell because he got a wee tiny almost microscopic little thrillicle out of writing about David stomping around and being masterful.......
Narrator: At the start, Arrietty claims she didn't realise what she was getting involved in
<cut to Arrietty in Barbara Cartland style evening dress and tiara>:
Of course, it's been lovely to have the recognition and get some of the rewards of success, but to be quite honest nothing could have been further from my thoughts when I decided to wade in. All I wanted to do was to help dear darling Bel. I know there are those who say <laughs girlishly> that it wouldn't even have run to two pages without my contribution, but I couldn't possibly comment......I'm sure he would have managed without me eventually. The unpleasant private messages? Oh, I took those in my stride.
<cut to Belisarius staring at computer screen in amazement>:
What the hell is an asshat's asshat and why is she calling me one?
Icarus: Well, darling, it's just a guess, but sending a PM telling her where to put her 'so called wit' might just have sparked off a bit of a reaction.....
Narrator: Stoo was also drawn into the team
<cut to Stoo shaving with his cutlass>:
Aaarh! Harrr! Oh arr! Any friend of Icarus' be a friend of mine, matey!!!!
No, but seriously - I consider Oh That Sarky Cow to be one of the defining moments of post-millennial, post-modern, post-ironic iconography.
<pause> Or was that Postman Pat?
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Narrator: The tension grew still more. While struggles for creative control raged, jealousy grew between cast members. Egos flared--
< cut to out-take >
Sarkycow < to RooK >: YOU DID IT WRONG AGAIN, YOU *****!!
Stoo < wearily >: Sarkycow, you must channel your energy constructively, or you'll destroy the ensemble we've worked so hard to synthesize--
Sarkycow: OH, SHUT UP! I DON'T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOUR CRAP ANYMORE! I'M A ****** STAR NOW!! THIS ****** SHOW IS NOTHING WITHOUT ME, DO YOU HEAR??? NOTHING!!!!!!!
By the end of the third episode RooK was making public statements complaining of favoritism and was secretly planning what would become Puppet Fights in retaliation. In a desperate effort to keep Sarkycow under control, Belisarius and Stoo integrated themselves into the cast in Episode 4.
Belisarius: Fortunately, the episode was Heaven-centered, so our integration was pretty smooth...
[Link added]
[ 22. January 2004, 21:10: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Narrator: Whether because of or in spite of this intervention, it was the start of what many consider to be the series's peak.
Chastmastr: The Arrietty-Belisarius tension gave the scripts complexity, and Sarkycow was at her most lovable. It was great time to participate--
Narrator: --but the tightrope rose higher and higher.
Chastmastr: --it couldn't last forever. I think the show started Jumping the Shark in "Overtime in Hell"--that's when Sarkycow's character started getting nasty...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
<Janine wanders by with a huge whipped-cream-topped coffee concoction in hand, after weeks and months of Not Looking At The Show... and hears:>
quote:
Originally posted by Belisarius:
...Chastmastr: --it couldn't last forever. I think the show started Jumping the Shark in "Overtime in Hell"--that's when Sarkycow's character started getting nasty...
<She jerks, astonished, snorts a bit of coffee down 'the wrong way', and blinks, a dollop of whipped cream on the tip of her nose...>
<hak koff wheeeze> "Started getting nasty?"
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Belisarius: I'm afraid Sarkycow's character started reflecting her growing megalomania...
RooK: You should have heard what she really wanted to do with Holycow--and she was playing her through trick photography! Let's just say my nur--ahem--girlfriend would have had a dissertational Field Day with Sarky.
Narrator: Then the final blow came. Frustrated over not having eviscerated anyone, David abruptly left the show...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Arrietty
Ship's borrower
# 45
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Posted
<David is in silhouette. He is chain smoking. His voice has been digitally altered.>
David: It's not true, you know, what they say. There were no artistic differences.
<Cut to 'noddy' shot of interviewer, nodding vigorously, obviously filmed later.>
<Cut back to David, his cigarette much smaller than in the last shot>
David: I mean, I loved that show. I loved Rookie and Nightie. (Sobbing) I even loved Sarky Cow.....
Interviewer: But there were some artistic differences, weren't there?
David: OK, yes. All I wanted was to make a pilot for my show what I wrote, Simon's Angels.....'Once upon a time, there were three little cows who went to Erin's Finishing School for Hellhosts....' But they took her away!
Interviewer: Who did they take away, David? Sarky cow?
David: Nooooo, Snobby Cow... I loved my Snobby Cow - but Tomb got in there first, and when they split up, she left!
Interviewer: So the artistic differences were...?
David: Everyone said I would have made a lovely Bosley. Belisarius promised to help me enlarge my part.
<Cut to archive footage of Tomb, outside Hell office, besieged by press photographers>
Tomb: I have no more to say. I did not have afternoon tea with that woman. I mean cow.
Narrator: Despite his speedy denial, Tomb never full recovered from the scandal. A broken man, he sought solace in his organ.
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i-church
Online Mission and Ministry
Posts: 6634 | From: Coventry, UK | Registered: May 2001
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Lifeman
Troll
# 579
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Posted
I was just thinking what a good idea it would be to write in a part for Lifeman in the next episode - perhaps seeing Lifeman stuck in a lift with Sarkycow? or maybe Sarky and Lifeman bump into each other at a Pole dancing club?
Posts: 746 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lifeman:
or maybe Sarky and Lifeman bump into each other at a Pole dancing club?
What a good idea. Since it was you who came up with it, maybe you should head off to Krakow and see if you can find a suitable dancing club...
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Lifeman
Troll
# 579
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Posted
Marvin,
I was actually meaning Pole Dancing as opposed to dancing in a Polish Club.
For the record, I was in Krakow last September and didn't visit any Pole Dancing clubs.
Posts: 746 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
My mistake ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Narrator: ...the stresses and scandals were taking their final toll. A shorter format was experimented with < photo clip of Pyx_e as Happycalf with Sarkycow screaming >, but the inevitable was admitted--the show could not go on.
Belisarius: Yes, announcing to the remaining cast that the series would not be renewed was a sad day--Sarkycow didn't take it well--
< Security Camera archive shows Sarkycow lurching down the hall with an empty whiskey bottle >
Sarkycow: I'LL KILL THEM!! I'LL KILL THEM ALL!!
< she throws the bottle against the wall, shattering it, and then slowly slides to the floor >
Sarkycow < moaning >: They're all against me...
Narrator: Others took the news better--
IC < sipping a cosmoplitan > I had already gotten a fabulous write-up for my mini-episode, so my panties weren't in a bunch, thank you...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Narrator: The final episode, was well received; Oh, That Sarkycow! was able to retire gracefully--in the nick of time.
RooK: Fortunately, Sarky was able to pull herself together one last time--though I'm glad I didn't have to be the one to keep buttering her up or keep saying "No, that take was wonderful, really, it was" or make sure her drinks were cold enough and that there was no lint on her trailer couch.
Coot: < deadpan >: "Sarkycow, I've been a fool! Will you marry me?" < bursts into giggling hysterics >
Simon: My part was supposed to be bigger orginally, but Sarkycow wouldn't hear of it. < sighing > I thought it best to avoid a scene...
Belisarius: It would have been possible to extend the suspense on Sarkycow's "secret," or have it be less pedestrian, but what with other posters reluctant to work with Sarkycow after certain...incidents...we quit while we were ahead.
Narrator: After the final episode wrapped, the fates of the cast members were varied...
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Lifeman
Troll
# 579
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Posted
I was wondering if there are any plans for a re-run of the original series of 'Oh, that Sarky Cow'?
Posts: 746 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Narrator < Cont. > ...defying all her former associates, Sarkycow immediately attempted to launch a spin-off...
Sarkycow < doing the ironing >: I suppose I could have come up with a different title than Watch My Show, You Pathetic Mouth-Breathing Gits, but everyone said they wanted edgy! < starts sniffling > The World is so hard on us artistic types...
Narrator: This rank failure, however, allowed her to meet her future husband, the director Alan Smithee.
Sarkycow: Oh, no, I don't miss Show Biz at all--I'm finally finding complete emotional and spiritual fulfillment in my family--TREVOR, I SAID STOP IT AND I MEANT IT!! < throws ladle >
[ 10. February 2004, 21:34: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Narrator: Of the remaining original cast, Icarus Coot has maintained the highest profile, going on to host SoF's Cast Iron Chefs < cue photo of IC ringing the Gong of Fate >, while the rest have quietly returned to their former lives. All agree, however, that Oh, That Sarkycow! was the experience of a lifetime.
Stoo: It pushed the boundaries of what was acceptable in Heaven--
Arrietty: Oh, That Sarkycow! was a cathartic cleansing of our collective psyche--a cosmic enema, if you will.
RooK: The show took the predjudice away from disemboweling and made people realize there is nothing shameful about this beautiful, natural, act, and for that I'm eternally grateful.
Sarkycow: ...for once in my life, it was all about me.
< FADE OUT >
NEXT ON "BEHIND THE LAUGHTER:" THE RECIPE THREAD
[Link updated]
[ 03. May 2004, 02:58: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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