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Source: (consider it) Thread: Heaven: Parables that didn't make the grade
Irish & Proud
Shipmate
# 4825

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The kingdom of heaven is like the British Government....

Well I don't really undersand what is going on with either !!

Posts: 221 | From: Somewhere with not enough rain | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
Irish & Proud
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# 4825

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The kingdom of heaven is like the church...... No no-one would ever believe that!

The kingdom of heaven is like a Sunday School class. The answer to every question is 'Jesus'.

Posts: 221 | From: Somewhere with not enough rain | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
ChrisT

One of the Good Guys™
# 62

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There was a young man from Kildaw
Who had lots of money and swore
He'd never let go
Of his oodles of dough
He didn't want to be like the poor

But Jesus said "Son, make a change
'Cos while you're at home on the range
There's people out here
With no money for beer
You must find it worrying and strange?"

But the young man was torn what to do
And he sat long and thought it all through
"If I give them my cash
I'll be nothing but trash"
So he went and pigged out on fondue

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Firmly on dry land

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Psyduck

Ship's vacant look
# 2270

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The Kingdom of Heaven is like that spot on the pavement in Tom and Jerry cartoons, which grows, and grows while the cat just stares at it - and it turns out to be the shadow of a grand piano falling from fifteen floors up...

--------------------
The opposite of faith is not doubt. The opposite of faith is certainty.
"Lle rhyfedd i falchedd fod/Yw teiau ar y tywod." (Ieuan Brydydd Hir)

Posts: 5433 | From: pOsTmOdErN dYsToPiA | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
perceval
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# 4742

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quote:
Originally posted by psyduck:
"And which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Oh yeah - the Scottish Parliament..."

How true, how true. I happen to work near the sight, erm, site.

Here's a small contribution from a Scottish worker bee:

Behold, the love of the Lord is like the Scottish Weather. Beating the hell out of you with storms and rain one minute, blowing you dry with piercing wind the next, finally warming you with the rays of the sun.

Geddit? Hell, Purgatory, Heaven!


~percival slinks off to hide~ [Embarrassed]

P.S. [Not worthy!] [Not worthy!] [Not worthy!] [Not worthy!] to all other posters on this thread.

--------------------
Always look on the bright side of life.
***
It blogs
here

Posts: 272 | From: Edinburgh, Scotland | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged
spark.
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# 4801

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The Kingdom of heaven is like this. A man prepares a wedding banquet for his son. He kills the fatted calf and some lambs and some chickens and fresh fish. The guests are invited but when the wedding day approaches the man is challenged by his guests thus.

First guest - beef on the bone! are you mad. you can't have beef on the menu. Have you not heard of TB and CJD.
Second guest - Lamb - you cannot serve lamb. Have you not heard of foot and mouth.
Third Guest - Chicken - Is it free range? Have you not heard of salmonella
Fourth guest - Fish - most people I know are allergic to fish. Also have you not heard of herpesvirus and streptococcus.
We cannot come they all said, we are vegans and fruitarians.

Hearing this the man invited some other guests to the wedding feast as he knew that all he had made was good. So it is with my father in heaven he hates it when people are fussy eaters and has no plans for a vegan alternative.

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Prayer? No it was far too serious for that.

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welsh dragon

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# 3249

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The kingdom of heaven is like a *really good* party.

Where everyone is interesting.

And no one feels out of place...

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Marvin the Martian

Interplanetary
# 4360

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The kingdom of Heaven is like a library - there's something there for everyone, it costs nothing, but for some reason very few people seem to care about it.

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Hail Gallaxhar

Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
Miffy

Ship's elephant
# 1438

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The Kingdom of Heaven is like choosing school teams, only this time nobody gets left out.

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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches

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welsh dragon

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# 3249

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the kingdom of heaven is like a church where everyone is a priest...

...hang on...

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St. Cuervo
Son of a Son of a Sailor
# 4725

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From the Gospel of Andrew

And he taught them saying,

"The kingdon of is like this:

A rich man consulted with his Magic 8-Ball and asked, 'What must I do to be saved?'

The Magic 8-Ball replied unto him and said, 'Concentrate and Ask Again.'

And so concentrating and asking again, he said unto the Magic 8-Ball, 'What must I do to be saved?'

And the Magic 8-Ball replied unto him and said, 'Reply Hazy, Try Again.'

And so trying again, he asked of the Magic 8-Ball, 'What must I do to be saved?'

And the Magic 8-Ball replied unto him and said, 'Ask Again Later.'

And so later on he asked again and said unto the Magic 8-Ball, 'What must I do to be saved?'

And the Magic 8-Ball replied unto him and said, 'Cannot Predict Now.'

And so later still he asked again and said unto the Magic 8-Ball, 'What must I do to be saved?'

And the Magic 8-Ball replied unto him and said, 'My Sources Say No.'

At this he was greatly distraught for the man was sincere in his desire to be saved.

So the rich man took the Magic 8-Ball and jiggled it until it said unto him, 'Outlook Good.'

He who has ears let him hear."

--------------------
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked... angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night...

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Big Chaz
Shipmate
# 4862

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The kingdome of heven is like a man who has a vinyard and so he puts these tents there and then asks for chash but the tenents decied property is theft so they kill all his reps and or tell them to sod of so then he sends his son and they do like wise but he stiches em up proprly by burning there city down and inforceing his iron will....hum I like that one maybe it will go in

no Luke cant tone it down a bit Mat tell him will ya

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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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The Kingdom of Heaven is like a big bowl of wood shavings.

Because I said so, that's why.

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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251

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Consider the lilies of the field. They neither toil nor spin but they brighten up the house, in a tasteful pitcher...not the image I was looking for...Not the smallest sparrow falls from the twig without my Father knowing about it and you, boy, with the catapult are going to get a thumping when He does...too severe?

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2^8, eight bits to a byte

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Adeodatus
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# 4992

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I like Rowan Atkinson's little-known saying of Jesus:

'It is easier for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a camel to.'

--------------------
"What is broken, repair with gold."

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moverly
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# 4658

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So one questioned him: "Teacher, is it right for us to pay taxes to Caesar or not?"
But he saw through that ruse and asked: "Show me your credit card. Whose portrait and inscription are on it?"
"Well, mine, actually" that other guy replied.
So he said to him, "Then give to yourself...er, hang on, that's not going to work like that is it...?!?"

Posts: 293 | From: in a hilly land | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged
St. Cuervo
Son of a Son of a Sailor
# 4725

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And the kingdom of heaven is like a Ship of Fools that set sail on a five year journey of exploration and discovery. When the first officer asked the captain where they were going, the captain replied, "Why Mr. Spock, we are boldly going where no man has gone before."

--------------------
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked... angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night...

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Chapelhead*

Ship’s Photographer
# 1143

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And he saith unto them, verily the kingdom of God is like unto a banana. For when a man sees a banana plant, he says, “Behold, a banana tree”. But I say unto you, the plant of a banana is not a tree, for it has neither a trunk nor a woody stem, and is an herb. And so many are deceived by the evil one.

And the fruit of a banana groweth not downwards, unto the earth, but upwards, unto the heavens, and thou art not to listen to the Disney, who understandeth not these things. But seek ye to grow upwards, as the banana does.

And the fruit of the banana has an handle, whereby thou might grasp it. But many do not grasp the handle, but peel the banana from the handle. And when the days of their eating are numbered, and the end of the banana is reached, they call out, “We have no handle, whereby we might hold the banana skin.” And I will say unto them, “Away from me, for thou didst not eat of the banana as I gave it unto you and I know ye not.” And there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

And the skin of the banana shall be discarded. And the skin of the banana shall be the falling and rising of many, at least in comic books.

He who has ears, let him hear.

--------------------
Benedikt Gott Geschickt!

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ChrisT

One of the Good Guys™
# 62

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And he spoke thusly to them and spake. He didst say this to them, and from his mouth these words didst come forth. Like a torrent of words were the words of his mouth with which he didst speak to them, and to them and them alone didst he speak. Not to any others, but verily to them alone he spoke these words. These were the words he spoke, and he spoke them thus: "Behold, I speak."

Add great was their rejoicing. Silly. Or should that be "selah"?

--------------------
Firmly on dry land

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BillyDudeHill
Apprentice
# 4619

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I see you've found the Jesus files. He hid them in caves before he died or simply threw them out. Now we may piece together the more accurate...

Gospel According to Swiss Tony Christ

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Billy "Dude" Hill

Posts: 1 | From: 544 Camp Street | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged
starbelly
but you can call me Neil
# 25

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...and Jesus said to the crowd "The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed..."

The crowd protested "You have told this one before, come up with a new one!"

Jesus thought, and answered "Have I? I thought I did the Lost coin one with you lot?"

"you told us that one as well, he's run out!"

"how about the one about sheep ... oh, you've heard it ... grain of ... oh, ok"

And with that Jesus shut up and wandered off to get a pizza.

Neil

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Ian M
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# 79

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And as evening approached, the disciples came to him and said "This is a remote place, and it's already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food."

Jesus replied, "They do not need to go away - you give them something to eat."

"We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish", they answered.

"Bring them here to me," he said. And having given thanks for the bread and the fish, he gave them to the disciples to distribute to the people. And behold it turned out that everyone had brought a picnic for themselves after all, so much that there were twelve baskets left over.

But there's still an important spiritual message to be drawn, right? - like, if you're going for a walk in the hills, spiritual food is great but you're still going to need a picnic. Stupid disciples, eh?

Ian M

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Anselm
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# 4499

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And Jesus spoke to the crowds saying,
"The Kingdom of God is like the triple point of water, it exists in...sorry, what did you say?
Oh, the TRIPLE POINT OF WATER... yes.
Well, it's that particular point of pressure and temperature where water exists simultaneously as a solid, liquid and gas....no, it's true, it really exists...the boiling temperature of water is decreased by an decrease in pressure, while the melting temperature of ice is increased with an decrease in pressure. So at a particular point of atmospheric pressure the boiling point and the melting point coincide. Yes, it is a bit hard to imaging what it would be like...let me try to explain...uh...let's see now...
The triple point of water is like the Kingdom of God."


--------------------
carpe diem domini
...seize the day to play dominoes?

Posts: 2544 | From: The Scriptorium | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Anselm
Shipmate
# 4499

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And Jesus stood on a hill and began to speak to the crowds saying:
"The Kingdom of God is like a man, who stands up on a hill and begins to speak to the crowds saying, "The Kingdom of God is like a man...""


--------------------
carpe diem domini
...seize the day to play dominoes?

Posts: 2544 | From: The Scriptorium | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
St Fursey
Apprentice
# 5023

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And the guinea pig stood up and saith, 'Lo, the Kingdom of Heaven is like unto a giant guinea pig, which eateth the choice vegetation from the tops of the mighty trees of the forest, and, behold, one day it accidentally eateth of the forbidden fruit, and keeleth over, and lo, it dieth an horrible, painful death. It decomposeth not, since it falleth into a tar pit, yet it shortly becometh extinct, and leaveth only eensy weensy relatives with the breath of life in their little furry nostrils, who goeth forth and multiplieth unto the uttermost parts of the earth, until the whole earth shall know the squeak of the guinea pig, as the waters cover the sea.' The guinea pig, her tirade finished, sat down, and keeleth over, dead. They don't live long, guinea pigs.

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formerly King's Potty Mointor. Now the saint who brought the faith to East Anglia. Funny how life changes.

Posts: 27 | From: the Far East (Norfolk). | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged
geroff
Shipmate
# 3882

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Welcome, King's Potty Monitor - there must be a parable in there somewhere.

--------------------
"The first principle in science is to invent something nice to look at and then decide what it can do." Rowland Emett 1906-1990

Posts: 1172 | From: Montgomeryshire, Wales | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
Siegfried
Ship's ferret
# 29

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quote:
Originally posted by ChrisT:
There once was a man who was travelling from Jerusalem to Jericho. he knew that one road was known for having robbers and bandits on it, so he went another much safer way.

Hmm. Needs more action, I think.

Second Draft:
There once was a man who was travelling from Jerusalem to Jericho. He didn't know that one road was known for having robbers and bandits on it, so he went that way. Along the way, he was set upon by the robbers and bandits and killed.

Wait... that's not any better.

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welsh dragon

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# 3249

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The kingdom of heaven is like a person who is calling their friends on a mobile phone.

And one person has their phone switched off

And another person has an engaged signal

And another person just has their voicemail on

And the next person is in an area where there is no signal

So when God finally gets through he is delighted and says this is great I have finally managed to get through to you, it's been seven years, why don't you come over for some fatted calf.

Have you ever thought how frustrating it must be to be God?

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chukovsky

Ship's toddler
# 116

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The kingdom of heaven is like this:

A single career woman came to pack her winter clothes away for the summer, and lo, she was careful in her packing, and made sure all of the clothes of the woollen cloth were arranged in coverings of plastic, and she made sure she had taken them all to the dry cleaners, for behold, she was fearful of moth. And when she came to remove the clothes from the coverings as the year drew to a close, she found that some of her clothes had indeed been eaten by moth, yea, even some of her favourite clothes that she was sure she had taken to the dry cleaners. And one garment had been taken, and the garment next to it had been spared.

And she berated the Lord saying, why have you done this to me? For I was a good and faithful steward and I took my clothes to the dry cleaners and I packed them carefully, and yet you have taken one garment, and not another, and why have you taken my favourite grey trousers that go with everything, and not the hideous pink jacket my mother loves?

And the Lord spoke unto her and said, well it is all thy own fault, for thou hast put thy favourite grey trousers next to that red skirt which thou did not take to the dry cleaners because thou thought thou had not worn it for ages, but dost thou not remember the time thou went for lunch and dropped thy sandwich on the skirt, and lo, moths love that sort of thing. And thou left the plastic covering slightly open, too, so thou can hardly blame me.

And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth and the woman berated the Lord again saying, but now I will never find another pair of trousers the same, yea, not without trudging round all the shops and trying on all the pairs of trousers and they will all be baggy in the seat and tight in the waist because I know this, because I went round the other day and it was all like that.

And the Lord spoke unto her saying, well that is hardly my fault is it? If thou did not have such a peculiar figure thou would not find it so difficult to get trousers, would thou?

And there was even more wailing and gnashing of teeth.

[layout]

[ 01. October 2003, 21:55: Message edited by: chukovsky ]

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This space left intentionally blank. Do not write on both sides of the paper at once.

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Psyduck

Ship's vacant look
# 2270

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Siegfried:
quote:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by ChrisT:
There once was a man who was travelling from Jerusalem to Jericho. he knew that one road was known for having robbers and bandits on it, so he went another much safer way.

Hmm. Needs more action, I think.


Second Draft:
There once was a man who was travelling from Jerusalem to Jericho. He didn't know that one road was known for having robbers and bandits on it, so he went that way. Along the way, he was set upon by the robbers and bandits and killed.

Wait... that's not any better.

Third draft

There once was a man who was travelling from Jerusalem to Jericho. As he came round a bend in the road, he saw two men, a priest and a Levite, lying in the road, obviously having been mugged. And a Samaritan was helping them. He said to himself "Now, that's something you don't see every day..."

--------------------
The opposite of faith is not doubt. The opposite of faith is certainty.
"Lle rhyfedd i falchedd fod/Yw teiau ar y tywod." (Ieuan Brydydd Hir)

Posts: 5433 | From: pOsTmOdErN dYsToPiA | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
Tortuf
Ship's fisherman
# 3784

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There was this king who was going to put on a wedding banquet for his son. A few days before the banquet he saw that nobody had RSVP'd. He sent his servants out to update the guest list for the caterer. Well, nobody would come, and it was too late to cancel the caterer without a big cancellation fee.

So the king set a big bouncer wearing sunglasses outside his banquet hall. Then the king hired some local out of work actors to play like they were trying to get past the bouncer. Pretty soon most of the kingdom was waiting in line to get into the banquet, but the bouncer wasn't letting them in.

And this is like the Kingdom of Heaven because . . . er, because . . . OK, so its not like the Kingdom of Heaven. Give me a break. You know, its not easy coming up with these parables. Especially when I always have to speak in ways scholars will be able to cross reference with the Septuagint. Everybody just go home.

Posts: 6963 | From: The Venice of the South | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Johnny Chis
Apprentice
# 4857

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And he spake unto them saying
"the kingdom of Dog is like a God who has fleas"
and they all looked up and had a good laugh.
And he began to spake again only this time rather than speaking unto them he now had their attention and spake to them.
He said
"the kingdom of God is like a dog and the people of God are like fleas and they bite and cause pain and unsightly rashes and loss of hair. And their is weeping and supturating, bleeding and puss. So god puts a bucket on the dogs head and gets one of those collars with a slow release insectacide and.
Umm hang on a sec I forgot where I was going with this.
But it was good when I first thought of it"
And he realised he was going to need a bloody good punchline but didn't have one prepared.

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In Hell all the messages you ever left on answering machines will be played back to you.
Judy Horacek

Posts: 3 | From: Central Australia | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
Anselm
Shipmate
# 4499

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From the Gospel according to St Judas (the patron saint of money):

The kingdom of God is like a new tax. It starts off small; so small that it seems insignificant. All the citizens let it pass and deem it unimportant, but as financial year follows financial year the tax grows and grows until no-one can afford to ignore it. Behold, it has no loop holes, and no exemption. It continues to increase until finally the whole world is paid over in tax......

...Ahhh....and that's a good thing.

Damn, I don't think this one is going to go over well.

--------------------
carpe diem domini
...seize the day to play dominoes?

Posts: 2544 | From: The Scriptorium | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Esmeralda

Ship's token UK Mennonite
# 582

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The Kingdom of God is like unto a very rich man who was dying. He asketh God for a special dispensation to take some of his wealth with him to Heaven. And lo, God did grant him a special dispensation. So he arriveth at ye pearly gates with two carrier bags. And St Peter saith unto him, 'You can't take it with you'. But he saith 'Nay, but I have a special dispensation; checketh you it out.' So St Peter checketh it out and lo, it is true. 'What you got in them bags anyway, mate?' saith Peter. And the man alloweth him to peek. Whereupon Peter beginneth to laugh, and calleth all his friends, and they beginneth to laugh too. For in the bags are many gold bars. And St Peter saith, 'I cannot believe this guy hath brought *pavement*!'

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I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.

http://reversedstandard.wordpress.com/

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Ian M
Shipmate
# 79

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Hmm, can't help thinking I've heard that pavement one before somewhere...

Anyway, I like the mobile phone one - a great new take on the sower in there, methinks.

How about:

Once there was a man who decided to build himself a house on the sand. And he used a minimum of non-renewable materials, planting two new trees for every one he cut down and laying a careful pattern of logs for a base, so as to make minimum impact on the natural environment. And when the rain came and the floods rose, his house floated away and behold, he not only got to live somewhere new every few weeks but also had the warm feeling that comes from living in harmony with nature.

But there was another man who built his house upon the rock, and he hewed the stones for his house from the ground and built it up into a solid and imposing edifice, and when it was finished he sat down in front of his new flat screen television on his electrically-heated, multi-position armchair. But when the rain came down and the floods rose, firstly his Sky dish got knocked down when the decorative weathercock on his roof blew off, and secondly his whole house collapsed because the rock under his house had been weakened by the quarrying he'd done to get the stone for it.

And the morale of this story is, live lightly upon the earth - no, not quite the right ring - do not worry about tomorrow - not bad - do not grow proud and think you have your life sorted, for tomorrow your house will fall down.

Oh well, lots of ideas there anyway.

Ian

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ChrisT

One of the Good Guys™
# 62

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I 'eard dis one from a geezer I know, right? It's about dat dere Kingdom of 'eaven, and apparentallaly it's a bit like wot dat new sports centre down the road behind the bus station is like. It's all posh, right, and, like, clean. And you have to pay a bloody fortune to get in there.

You won't catch me in a place like that, no fear. Your round, you tight git.

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Firmly on dry land

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Iron Sun
Shipmate
# 3288

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The Kingdom of Heaven is where your flesh won't be burned off and your eyeballs won't be ripped out and you won't be in eternal agony like you will in HELL. If that isn't enough for you to be on my team, you're an idiot.

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I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend.
- Jack Handey

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welsh dragon

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# 3249

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the kingdom of heaven is like a person who knows they are going to die tomorow

but is looking at a beautiful flower

so that all they see is the flower

and all they know is the flower

and the world is a flower for them

and the flower is all the world

even if they will never see another one

they are not dying

they are living

the kingdom of heaven is living in grace

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welsh dragon

Shipmate
# 3249

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on crumpled piece of scroll in bin

The kingdom of heaven is like a church full of people who are in lovely happy families with lovely happy children with lovely happy smiley faces.

And everyone will be lovely happy smiley and middle class.

Yes, thats what churches look like and a lot of churches are awful suspicious you know of poor people or single people - feel *threatened* by them apparently - or people who aren't happy. And lovely. And smiley.

And people who go to church get to Heaven don't they? That is after all the point of churches. And even more so the point of being saved.

So heaven must be really lovely & happy & smiley!

Hang on hang on.

There was all that I said about hmm mourning people wasnt there? And hungry, thirsting people? And meek, downcast people?

And I came it seems for all the people who are ill and in pain and hurting. At least those are the only people who really seem to talk to me.

All the people *outside* churches.

Hmmm, needs some work.

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welsh dragon

Shipmate
# 3249

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And there was a large evangelical charismatic church. And lo the people inside it were making a hell of a din. "Thank you Jesus!" they yelled "Thank you for saving me".

And there was a pastor with an ecstatic face at the front. It was Christmas Day and he was looking forward to having some time with his family. And he thanked the Lord with all his heart for the many good things the lord had given him.

His wonderful wife and his wonderful church and the marvellous things that were happening in his parish.

And for saving him.

And he prayed for all the countries in the world to be made Christian so they could pray just like him.

And he thanked God he was not a heathen in some God forsaken land where he might never have heard the Good News. Without which he could not Be Saved.

And he prayed for all the Lost of the town that they could also become just like him. Because he had got it so Right.

And he prayed for all the benighted of other denominations, who thought they were Christians, but obviously hadn't really Let Christ into their Hearts. As he had.

And he prayed for all the misguided people who thought they were Homosexual and the people who thought that was Alright and weren't listening to what God said in the Bible. Which was so clear. To him.

And for all the people who had just come because it was Christmas. And who weren't really in the Lord, like him. And his eyes fell on a woman at the back of the church, who was very inappropriately dressed for the weather. And he prayed, Lord make her more like us.

And the woman, who had been shopping, was also praying. For her children. And her future. And her rent.

She was praying, I know I'm not a good person, know that I'm not good enough for you, I don't know what I should do next, please show me.

And God came in with her. And God went out with her too.

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musician

Ship's grin without a cat
# 4873

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quote:
A rich man consulted with his Magic 8-Ball
St Cuervo,
what's a magic 8 ball please??

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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460

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quote:
Originally posted by musician:
quote:
A rich man consulted with his Magic 8-Ball
St Cuervo,
what's a magic 8 ball please??

Lorne used one in the last series of Angel to answer the question "Has Cordy been a naughty girl?".

Does that help?

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Ken

L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Chapelhead*

Ship’s Photographer
# 1143

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The first commandment is this, thou shalt be nice to the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind and with all thy strength. And the second is like, namely this, thou shalt be nice to thy neighbour as thyself.

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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!

Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
ChrisT

One of the Good Guys™
# 62

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Chapelhead, that was funny [Big Grin]

The Kingdom of Heaven is all too often like that story of Balaam. Except on this earth there are a lot of false words allegedly from God that come straight out of a mans ass.

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Firmly on dry land

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biscuit
Shipmate
# 3550

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[scribbled on a margin]

Memo to self; flowers, here today, gone tomorrow idea here? Ditto good looks on woman, but if they cook well, that's forever. Query - cupboard love as a way of thinking about God's goodness? Some danger of prosperity heresy here?


[Different margin]

As innocent as children? Kittens (aaah)? Sky larks? doves? the new year?

As wise as ? Owls? Uncle Eli? Auntie Miriam? Snakes? (uggh, slimy!) whales?

b.
current variety: custard cream

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"The strength of the fish is in the water" (proverb)
Current flavour: Chocolate hobnob

Posts: 455 | From: South Hobbiton | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
starbelly
but you can call me Neil
# 25

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biscuit, Proverbs that didn't make the grade is almost a whole thread in itself! hmmm....

Neil

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Ormo
Shipmate
# 4805

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<starts chewing gum>

The kingdom of heaven is like this totally cute guy who like, asks you to senior prom and your like "No way!" So you tell casey and she's like "Whatever!". That's totally like the kingdom of heaven.

<struts off>

Posts: 445 | From: Belfast, Northern Ireland | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
ChastMastr
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# 716

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[Overused] Welsh Dragon's ones in particular [Overused]

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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity

Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
doc
Apprentice
# 5060

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OK, a shepherd, fisherman and carpenter walk into this bar one day and proceed to hoist a few when the conversation turned toward the likelihood of any of them making it past the Pearly Gates. The fisherman thought it would be easier for a sheep to pass through the holes of his net. The shepherd thought it was about as likely as a square peg passing through a round hole. The carpenter, meantime, spies this drop dead gorgeous Samiritan walking though the door behind his mates and loses all interest in the converstation. They see this look of rapture on his face and ask him what he thought his chances were? With his mind still on the babe he says he didn't know for sure but he was d****ed if he wouldn't give it his best shot.
Posts: 1 | From: Yokohama, Japan | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged
Esmeralda

Ship's token UK Mennonite
# 582

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The Kingdom of Heaven is like salt that a woman tooked and mixed into homemade playdough and lo, it was fun to play with but tasted disgusting... no, I need to ask Mum about this one...
There were many merry widows in Vienna in the days of the prophet Lehar... no, think I've got my history mixed up there...
The Queen of Sheba came from the South to sleep with Solomon.. no, I need to keep it clean...
Oh dang it, I'll just tell stories about men.

--------------------
I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.

http://reversedstandard.wordpress.com/

Posts: 17415 | From: A small island nobody pays any attention to | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged



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