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» Ship of Fools   » Ship's Locker   » Limbo   » Heaven: Parables that didn't make the grade (Page 3)

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Source: (consider it) Thread: Heaven: Parables that didn't make the grade
welsh dragon

Shipmate
# 3249

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The kingdom of heaven is like a man who saw a new poster on the boards and dropped everything and ran to welcome him saying, "Welcome, welcome, Oh new poster, to this place...be ye happy in this place and let us have a banquet and kill a fatted calf, and everyone rejoiceth (except the fatted calf...)"

i.e. nice to have you aboard doc...

Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
biscuit
Shipmate
# 3550

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[Note to starbelly... IIRC, parable also means saying, riddle or proverb as well as story]

Found scratched out in the middle of a different story.
quote:
And then the younger son says to the father "Whoa pops, better watch the cholesterol on the meat there - got any slim-line calf too?"
b.
today's variety: Garibaldi

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"The strength of the fish is in the water" (proverb)
Current flavour: Chocolate hobnob

Posts: 455 | From: South Hobbiton | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

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The Second letter of the Theologians, Chapter 12 verse 14.

And he taught them saying:

The Kingdom of Heaven is like this. A man findeth a treasure in a field, and selleth all that he hath to buy that field. Then when he hath bought the field, the government sayeth unto him,'This is treasure trove and belongeth to the Crown.'and taketh the treasure and putteth it in a great museum, and chargeth him to see it. And, lo, because he hath already sold all he hath, he hath not the money needeth to see the treasure. And he went out and wept bitterly.

Hang on, this is not quite right is it...


[italicisation]

[ 11. October 2003, 10:07: Message edited by: Balaam ]

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Last ever sig ...

blog

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Timothy the Obscure

Mostly Friendly
# 292

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And He said, Verily, the Kingdom of Heaven is like the Internet, for on my Father's server there are many web sites, and unto them that have fast connections shall much be given.... And the Pharisees and hypocrites shall say, Lord, Lord let us link unto you...and I shall say unto them, Error 404, thou hypocrite, I know thee not...And there shall be much gnashing of teeth and an eternity on hold with Tech Support..."
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welsh dragon

Shipmate
# 3249

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And he said yea and the Kingdom of Heaven is like the city of Oxenford, that hath many streets and many parking wardens and many double yellow lines.

And he that is wise hath prepared a place beforehand, and hath determined the way.

But he that is unwise, and hath left too little time, shall drive around the one way system screaming and cursing and making those little gestures out of the window of the vehicle that he hath.

And the car park that pertaineth to the railway station shall lie before ye and appear enticing but unless ye knoweth the way in ye shall drive up and down past it with your heart rate elevated alarmingly and never determine the Way In.

Especially if your train is in 10 minutes time.

For straight is the gate and narrow is the way, and mightily obscured down a side street, and legion are the traffic wardens.

And there shall be cursing and gnashing of teeth.

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biscuit
Shipmate
# 3550

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Found scratched out in the middle of another story

And the woman went and celebrated with her neighbours saying "See that snooty cow at no. 24 was wrong - I did find the coin"

b.

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"The strength of the fish is in the water" (proverb)
Current flavour: Chocolate hobnob

Posts: 455 | From: South Hobbiton | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
ChrisT

One of the Good Guys™
# 62

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There was once a man who left his fathers house and travelled to a far away country. There he spent all he had on riotous living, frittering away his inheritance on loose women and drink. And he had such a great time he decided to stay, getting in with a millionaires daughter who was addicted to the drugs he was selling. And lo, he now stars as the baddy in Hollywood blockbusters. But you shouldn't be like that man, oh no.

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Firmly on dry land

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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460

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There was once a poor man who lived all on his own except for a little baby lamb who he loved like a daughter.

One day his rich neighbour invited his rich friends to a feast, and decided to feed them on the poor man's lamb.

So he sent his steward to the poor man's house and he offered 2 shekels for the lamb. The poor man said he'd accept no less than 5 shekels. After some hard bargaining and a few cups of spiced tea, the lamb was sold for 3 shekels 50.

The banquet went well. The rich man was especially pleased as the King himself attended with his beautiful young wife, and they had a great time.

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Ken

L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

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welsh dragon

Shipmate
# 3249

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The kingdom of God is like the 7A bus.

You do not know when it will come

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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012

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quote:
Originally posted by welsh dragon:
The kingdom of God is like the 7A bus.

You do not know when it will come

Mk II - with apologies to wd for nicking a funny idea

The kingdom of God is like the 7A bus.

You do not know when it will come, and when it does, three will turn up at once. And then you'll have to pick which one is really truly going to the town centre, and not diverting or stopping along the way.

Hmmmmmm...

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

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Chapelhead*

Ship’s Photographer
# 1143

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The Kingdon of GOd is like the 7A bus, you know not when it will arrive, and when it does, you must be in possession of coins of the right denomination, lest you not be permitted to travel.

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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!

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ChrisT

One of the Good Guys™
# 62

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The Kingdom of God is like the 7A bus. The paintwork may be shabby, the interior moth-eaten, the passengers bad tempered and the crew surly. But the engine will keep on ticking forever.

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Firmly on dry land

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