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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Field Guide to Americans and the British
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Mad Geo
Ship's navel gazer
# 2939
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Posted
This comes from a quote in that "other place"
quote:
RuthW said: Americans are not all exactly the same. Please learn to tell us apart. Perhaps we should issue a field guide.
I propose we start the field guide(s) here. Please list items to be included in the "Field Guide to Americans" and "Field Guide to the British"
Please remember where you are..... ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
[ 30. March 2004, 05:22: Message edited by: Coot W*nkMeister Eckhardt ]
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Diax's Rake - "Never believe a thing simply because you want it to be true"
Posts: 11730 | From: People's Republic of SoCal | Registered: Jun 2002
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Campbellite
Ut unum sint
# 1202
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Posted
Field Guide to Americans (for our British cousins)
Not all Americans are "Y*nkees". For those of us south of the Mason-Dixon, calling someone a y*nkee is fightin' words.
Y*nkees - can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em. Well, not any more. ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?
Posts: 12001 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Aug 2001
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zephirine of the roses
Soul of the rose
# 3323
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Posted
our southern neighbors have cute accents and freak out when they see a snowflake. (closing down the towns and stocking up on milk and bread)
*~~~~ducking and running
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We are, each of us, angels with only one wing. And we can only fly embracing each other."
*~ Luciano De Crescenzo
Posts: 1756 | From: middle of an apple orchard in ny | Registered: Sep 2002
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St. Punk the Pious
Biblical™ Punk
# 683
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Posted
Our flakey astral-projected organic California cousins do things like rendering $20 billion verdicts against eeevil tobacco companies, voting for Barbara Boxer, and eating tofu. Their flakiness is contagious and eventually infects other Americans, Texans excepted.
Texans like to shoot things, including Californians. ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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The Society of St. Pius *
Wannabe Anglican, Reader
My reely gud book.
Posts: 4161 | From: Choral Evensong | Registered: Jul 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
American cookies = Britich biscuits
British cookies = American dog biscuits
American biscuits = Don't know the British equiv.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Chip Unicorn
Apprentice
# 3355
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Posted
Californian (L.A.): Obsessed with thinness, following strange religions, status, and the right parties. Unless they're not in the movie business.
Californian (Silicon Valley): Thick glasses, minty green skin from computers, fascination with all things computerish, and currently out of work.
Californian (San Francisco): Wildly left-wing compared to the rest of the country. Called liberals, radicals, or socialists by anyone outside of that area of California. In short, a place liberal enough in the United States that it would politically be among the center of the Tories, rather than the Thatcherite wing.
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Heaven for climate; hell for society.
The truth shall make you fret.
Posts: 6 | From: Newark, California, USA | Registered: Sep 2002
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Scot
Deck hand
# 2095
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by MarkthePunk:
Texans like to shoot things, including Californians.
Of course some Californians shoot back. And we can do it from a car moving 70 mph on the freeway. ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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“Here, we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it.” - Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 9515 | From: Southern California | Registered: Jan 2002
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Zach82
Shipmate
# 3208
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Posted
Field Guide to Americans- Everyone from outside the Midwest is FREAKIN' INSANE!
Zach
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Don't give up yet, no, don't ever quit/ There's always a chance of a critical hit. Ghost Mice
Posts: 9148 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: Aug 2002
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Assistant Village Idiot
Shipmate
# 3266
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Posted
There is actually a great book on the subject, The Nine Nations of North America by Joel Garreau. Published in 1984, it's a touch dated. Premise: there are 9 nations in NA, not three plus a bunch of small islands, each with its own attitudes, capital, economy, etc. I knew immediately that this guy knew what he was talking about when he cut off southwestern Connecticut from New England and put it with New York.
1. New England, including the Canadian Maritimes and excluding Hartford and below. Cap. Boston
2. The Foundry, running across the top of the US and the bottom of Canada from New Haven to Chicago. (Manhattan is an anamoly) Cap. Detroit
3. Dixie, creeping up into the bottom of Indiana and Southernillinois, but excluding the southern half of Florida. Cap. Atlanta
4. The Islands. Southern Fla to the north coast of South America. Cap. Miami
5. The Breadbasket. The Great Plains, the Midwest, whatever, including the southern halves of Alberta, Saskatchewan. Cap. Kansas City.
6. Ecotopia (also called Cascadia) West of the moutains from San Jose to Juneau. Cap. Seattle
7. Quebec, the only nation following political boundaries
8. Mexamerica, with dual capitals at Houston and LA.
9. The Empty Quarter. Everything else, with untapped minerals, huge forests. Capital. Denver.
I could draw a British culture map for 1600, because of how it imnfluenced American settlement, but I couldn't even begin to draw one for 2000. I would love to know the inside skinny on the "real" regions of the UK.
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formerly Logician
Posts: 885 | From: New Hampshire, US | Registered: Sep 2002
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Robert Armin
All licens'd fool
# 182
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Posted
An American friend, studying in Durham for a year, commented:
"At home a scarf is a fashion item. Here you wear them to keep warm!"
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Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin
Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001
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Zach82
Shipmate
# 3208
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Posted
That's strange, I wear scarves for warmth. Your friend must come from one of the list of crazy places I listed above. ((Ie, outside of the midwest))
Zach
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Don't give up yet, no, don't ever quit/ There's always a chance of a critical hit. Ghost Mice
Posts: 9148 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: Aug 2002
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Lady A
Narnian Lady
# 3126
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Posted
Pacifica Northwestia - These interesting Americans are often found in wet habitats. If you can remove their shoes, they will have webbing between their toes. If you cannot catch one to remove it's shoes, you can find them by going among trees and finding the ones that have moss on the wrong side. They are also embedded with treebark from tree hugging or tree logging. They have a fascination with mountians, particularly volcanoes when they can see them. Native Pacifica Northwestia are often afraid of the sun and rarely remove sunglasses when outside. They are particularly happy when it is raining. Final test: Do you know what a gooeyduck is? Can you describe the sun?
Posts: 2545 | From: The Lion's Mane, Narnia | Registered: Aug 2002
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Being a born and bred native of Ecotopia, I can tell you it's a different world here from the rest of North America. Perhaps this joke will explain.
A Texan, a Californian, and a Seattleite walk into a bar. The Texan says, "Barkeep, give me a bottle of your best tequila."
The barkeep gives him the bottle.
He takes one swig from the bottle, then throws it up into the air, whips out his revolver, and shoots it, sending glass and tequila flying everywhere.
The bartender says, "What did you do that for?!"
The Texan says, "Where I come from, we have plenty of Tequila."
The Californian, not to be outdone, asks for a bottle of Chardonnay. The bartender uncorks the bottle and hands the bottle, and a glass, to the Californian.
The Californian takes a swig from the bottle, then throws it up into the air, whips out his revolver, and shoots it. Glass and wine go flying everywhere.
"What did you do that for?!" sputters the bartender.
"Where I come from, we have plenty of Chardonnay."
The Seattleite then steps up to the bar and asks for a microbrew. He takes a sip, throws the bottle into the air, whips out his revolver, shoots the Californian, and deftly catches the bottle out of the air without spilling a drop.
"What did you do that for?!" shouts the bartender.
"Where I come from, we have plenty of Californians, but I'd be fined if I didn't recycle this bottle!"
Reader Alexis
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Us natives, at least, can spell geoduck.
Reader Alexis
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Mad Geo
Ship's navel gazer
# 2939
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Posted
Americus Californius (Southern Subspecies): A special breed. Requires serious amounts of sunlight. Even albino variants are known to sit in the sun till a nice golden brown or red. Is known to form large static herds on freeway systems during rainstorms. Snow is known to cause raging fits of hysteria that appears to be related to fright. Requires one season year round with temperature variations no less than 65 degrees F to 95 degrees F.
Requires easy access to both mountains and oceans. Females of species are known to extensively use ornamentation, the extreme examples of which include surgical alterations using polymers.
Young variants extensively use the sound "dude" and "like" in vocalizations. Example "Dude! That is, like, totally, like, cool" and "Like, that was awesome Dude".
Adult species are known to sit in shops drinking liquified organic matter while vocalizing how "Al Gore really was smart". The workers of the species are generally attractive members of the species waiting for something they call "their big break". They do not do very well in maze tests.
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Diax's Rake - "Never believe a thing simply because you want it to be true"
Posts: 11730 | From: People's Republic of SoCal | Registered: Jun 2002
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Robert Armin
All licens'd fool
# 182
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Posted
No one's said much on Guide to the British side, so let me give one. When you offer a Brit a drink, or a chocolate, or whatever, and they say, "No, I shouldn't," they mean, "Yes please, I'd love one!" Don't walk away at that point, thinking they've refused your kind offer. All you have to say is, "Oh, go on," they will reply, "All right then," and all will be sweetness and light.
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Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin
Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001
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Clay_Pigeon
Mathematics
# 2516
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Posted
No one pays attention to Ohio or Ohioans -- we are the most uninteresting lot in the country. At least Indiana has a cool "faux Southern" accent.
Notice that in all of the movies where aliens attack the Earth, you never see an attack on Cleveland or Columbus! A lone farmer in Bucks County Pennsylvania was accosted by alien invaders in Signs, but they all seemed to forget about Ohio.
News anchors study the Ohio accent for its plainness (except near Lake Erie, where all of the vowels and both accented and nasal). Example: Cat - really say that 'a' strongly and say most of it through your nose.
We're like the quiet neighboor that always smiles and waves.
Perfect for when the revolution comes.....yes... excellent....
-troy
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THAT'S IT! NOW I'M PISSED!. You're so off my prayer list.
-Was Once Troy
Posts: 599 | From: Northeast Ohio | Registered: Mar 2002
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Tumbleweed
Shipmate
# 1340
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by troy:
No one pays attention to Ohio or Ohioans -- we are the most uninteresting lot in the country. At least Indiana has a cool "faux Southern" accent.
Notice that in all of the movies where aliens attack the Earth, you never see an attack on Cleveland or Columbus! A lone farmer in Bucks County Pennsylvania was accosted by alien invaders in Signs, but they all seemed to forget about Ohio.
Well there was Howard the Duck. He landed in Cleveland (accent on both "Cleve" and especially "land").
ie
Posts: 199 | From: Land of Nod //USA | Registered: Sep 2001
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by MarkthePunk:
Our flakey astral-projected organic California cousins do things like rendering $20 billion verdicts against eeevil tobacco companies, voting for Barbara Boxer, and eating tofu. Their flakiness is contagious and eventually infects other Americans, Texans excepted.
Texans like to shoot things, including Californians.
And this is why the writer of the book about there being nine nations in North America is wrong about lumping the southwest all together. There is no way that MarkthePunk and I are in the same country! I'm sure he'll agree. And that he's as happy about that as I am.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Sauerkraut
Shipmate
# 3112
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Posted
Americus midwesternus (Kansas Subspecies):
Tolerates extreme heat and cold. Does not flinch at the sight of snow, hail, lighting, or tornadoes. Is known to go outside and look when tornado sirens go off. Earthquakes, however, are another matter. Thinks Californians are crazy living so close to a major fault. Now that I think about it, thinks Californians are just crazy period.
Drives 4x4 pickup, not because it's fashinable, but because you need it to get around on some of the roads. Tends to actually use truck for its main purpose: to carry stuff (hay bails, equipment, tow animals, etc.).
Residents of larger cities work either in aircraft or machining parts for aircraft or supplying things to people who work in aircraft (Johnson County excluded).
Asked about Dorthy and Toto every time we venture out of state.
There is really only one range for the Kansan: hilly-flat. If you want to hike, you better have a gun or a fishing pole or we'll know you're a tourist. Any body of water larger that a puddle is considered a possible fishing hole.
Youth are recognized by their manners and the fact they're driving down the dirt road at over 40 miles per hour.
Adults are recognized by their consumption of hops-based liquids and complaints about Bob Dole not winning the presidency.
Kansas Humor
More Kansas Humor
List of Rules when Driving Through a Small Kansas Town
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We want not an amalgam or compromise, but both things at the top of their energy; love and wrath both burning. Christianity got over the difficulty of combining furious opposites, by keeping them both, and keeping them both furious.--G.K. Chesterton
Posts: 196 | From: The middle of the US | Registered: Jul 2002
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chukovsky
Ship's toddler
# 116
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by golden_key:
American biscuits = Don't know the British equiv.
Scones.
American scones = Something that the woodlouse crawled out from underneath. Put it back so he isn't homeless - you'll break your teeth trying to eat it.
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This space left intentionally blank. Do not write on both sides of the paper at once.
Posts: 6842 | From: somewhere else | Registered: May 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
British People are usually divided into Country types and city types. Of course this is a gross generalisation but here are three sorts of country types:
OOOarrrooaarrrray, oi wuz born in a turnip field and wears smocks and drinks me own zider all day, leanin' over a fence with a straw in me mouth, sayin' 'ow be you then'. Usually found in or near farmland and in the bars of country pubs. drive beat up farm trucks or old bangers far to fast as they own the lanes anyway (going back to domesday)
Eaugh jolly good show, Daddy's organising the hunt and I only wear Barbour jackets and green wellies. We are all terribly busy as we run everything in the village and get to town early on market day with our wicker baskets to snap up all the best produce before the little people arrive. We have a little man to help us in the garden and a woman who 'does' three times a week - must dash, Camilla is entering the pony show and we have such a lot to do! Afterwards we will relax in the lounge bar of the village local - such a lovely country pub, before driving home in the people carrier (however did we manage before these were invented and we only had a volvo estate?!)
Peace and Serenity, be in touch with your inner self. In between weaving my children's own nappies and knitting rainbow-striped meditation mats, I campaign for banning foxhunting, converting everyone to vegetarianism and buying / growing organic food. I educate my children at home to a free curriculum, the schools are so stifling of my child's creativity, poor little Karma could stand it no longer. I'm off to Glastonbury at the weekend to buy more crystals and attend a 'heal your inner being' seminar. We don't go into the pub, but sit in small groups (at the intersection of two ley lines) eating and drinking our shared organic produce and elderflower cordial as the sun goes down over the horizon. We are so in touch with nature! Of course, although we don't believe in owning cars (so wasteful on the earth's resources) we are a special case as we live in the country, so we own a bright yellow 2CV (with rainbow motif), stating our individuality wherever we go.
OK< that's enough from me - perhaps someone else can do 'city'. ![[Cool]](cool.gif)
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Not
Ship's Quack
# 2166
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
quote:
Originally posted by golden_key:
American biscuits = Don't know the British equiv.
Scones.
NO NO NO NO NO. NO. NO ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif) nononononoono
They look similar, but they're completely differnt species. Biscuits are made (properly) with buttermilk and are soft and fluffy and you can eat them with savoury things (like chicken over biscuits - yummy chicken and gravy and biscuits). Scones are solider and crumblier and for afternoon tea with jam and butter or cream- can you imagine having scones and gravy?!
Common misconception with potentially messy consequences
Carolyn (who has dual nationality and therefore usually stays well away from any America/British threads for her own safety)
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Was CJ; now Not
Posts: 600 | From: the far, far West | Registered: Jan 2002
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Erin
Meaner than Godzilla
# 2
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by logician:
3. Dixie, creeping up into the bottom of Indiana and Southernillinois, but excluding the southern half of Florida. Cap. Atlanta
He does not hail from the South, as true Southerners know that Atlanta is FAR too yankeefied. True Southerners recognize either Charleston or Savannah as their capitol.
However, he is right about excluding the southern half of Florida. The South ends at I4.
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Commandment number one: shut the hell up.
Posts: 17140 | From: 330 miles north of paradise | Registered: Mar 2001
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Sigmund
Shipmate
# 3002
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Posted
Hum, Chorister, British city types....Give it a biased first try. There are those who seem to merge into American and any other city types worldwide. They're time and speech urgent, must cast a stylish shadow and believe that they keep the country going financially (in the case of the UK this is a correct assertion). Other types are those in squats reclaiming the streets (when it's not raining, that is), people stuck in depressing high rise buildings with oddly optimistic names ("Orchard Lodge"?!) and others circulating around cities doomed for eternity to search for a parking place. One type no longer seen in London is the public service worker. They all now have to live in Northern cities and commute or "stay over".
Posts: 212 | From: somewhere in England | Registered: Jul 2002
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Assistant Village Idiot
Shipmate
# 3266
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Posted
Erin, Garreau mentioned that same problem about Atlanta, defending himself by noting that other places (presumably such as you mentioned) occupy a place nearer the heart, but that Atlanta (dammit) is the capital. In most nations the capital is a place that the rest dislike somewhat. Boston and Detroit for example.
You may not find this enough defense on his part to accept his conclusion, but he was at least not ignorant of the perception you describe.
I am not in a position to choose between fine shadings of Southern understanding. I went to college in Williamsburg and my two oldest sons in KY, but that is only walking knee-deep into The South.
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formerly Logician
Posts: 885 | From: New Hampshire, US | Registered: Sep 2002
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Scot
Deck hand
# 2095
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Posted
There is a simple test for determining whether an individual is a northerner or southerner:
Listen to how the test subject pronounces the word 'northerner'.
If they pronounce it northerner then they are a northerner and may not be trusted.
If they pronounce it damnyankee (one word) then they are a southerner and may be trusted.
If they pronounce it damn yankee (two words) then they are a spy and should be shot.
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“Here, we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it.” - Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 9515 | From: Southern California | Registered: Jan 2002
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Lady A
Narnian Lady
# 3126
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Posted
Us natives, at least, can spell geoduck.
Ah, but will that help people to say it! I was giving the proper pronunciation!
Born in Bremerton
Lady A
Posts: 2545 | From: The Lion's Mane, Narnia | Registered: Aug 2002
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chukovsky
Ship's toddler
# 116
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by CJ:
quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
quote:
Originally posted by golden_key:
American biscuits = Don't know the British equiv.
Scones.
NO NO NO NO NO. NO. NO nononononoono
They look similar, but they're completely differnt species. Biscuits are made (properly) with buttermilk and are soft and fluffy and you can eat them with savoury things (like chicken over biscuits - yummy chicken and gravy and biscuits). Scones are solider and crumblier and for afternoon tea with jam and butter or cream- can you imagine having scones and gravy?!
Common misconception with potentially messy consequences
Carolyn (who has dual nationality and therefore usually stays well away from any America/British threads for her own safety)
So do I!
You use biscuit dough to make strawberry shortcake, according to my copy of Fannie Farmer. So you can have them with sweet things. They taste pretty much like scones, according to me. The recipe is actually the same until you get into adding cheese or raisins to scones. I think it's the flour that makes them taste slightly differently. British flour has less gluten in.
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This space left intentionally blank. Do not write on both sides of the paper at once.
Posts: 6842 | From: somewhere else | Registered: May 2001
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Zach82
Shipmate
# 3208
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Posted
quote:
At least Indiana has a cool "faux Southern" accent.
Take that back! The Hoosier dialect is merely English in its purest form, the southerners have faux Hoosier accents!
Zach
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Don't give up yet, no, don't ever quit/ There's always a chance of a critical hit. Ghost Mice
Posts: 9148 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: Aug 2002
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Clay_Pigeon
Mathematics
# 2516
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Zach82:
quote:
At least Indiana has a cool "faux Southern" accent.
Take that back! The Hoosier dialect is merely English in its purest form, the southerners have faux Hoosier accents!
Zach
The faux Southern accent actually stretches into Ohio as well, though it is much more spotty (depending on who you talk to). Nevertheless, I have every reason to believe that an unholy union between Indiana and Kentucky are to blame for that blight.
There is another faux Southern accent 'round Marietta, but it is different kind of accent...the result of being too close to West Virginia.
Sigh, it seems that only we who huddle close to the Lake are holding the line against any drawls or twangs.
-troy
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THAT'S IT! NOW I'M PISSED!. You're so off my prayer list.
-Was Once Troy
Posts: 599 | From: Northeast Ohio | Registered: Mar 2002
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
quote:
Originally posted by golden_key:
American biscuits = Don't know the British equiv.
Scones.
American scones = Something that the woodlouse crawled out from underneath. Put it back so he isn't homeless - you'll break your teeth trying to eat it.
Oh, of course, should've thought of scones! Thanks!
I don't know what American scones you've had, but there are lovely *soft* ones out here in Ecotopia! I'm very fond of them.
![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Assistant Village Idiot
Shipmate
# 3266
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Posted
It's an old story around here, but perhaps new to you -- I mean, y'all.
To most of the world, a Yankee is an American.
In America, a Yankee is someone from north of the Mason-Dixon line.
North of the Mason-Dixon, it means a New Englander.
In New England, it means someone from NH or VT.
In NH and VT it means a rural native.
To rural natives of NH and VT, it means someone who has pie for breakfast.
(An idea we got from our East Anglian ancestors, by the way.)
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formerly Logician
Posts: 885 | From: New Hampshire, US | Registered: Sep 2002
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ChrisT
One of the Good Guys™
# 62
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Posted
Right, far too little about the UK. And someone asked about geographical differences. I think. So here goes:
Southern
(Below Sheffield, although this is under debate)
Three types:
East - 'Fen-men', flat land, flat accent, boring
West - the 'oo-ar' yokels as described above
Central - posh, rich, work in London, educated at Oxbridge
Northern
(Above Sheffield, but again this is open to debate)
Three types:
East - Newcastle twoccers, don't even try to understand their native language
West - Man/Liverpudlian scallys, keep your car doors locked at ALL time, including waiting at traffic lights
Central - Yorkshire grumpies, drink real ale, believe Yorshire is the centre of the universe
Then we have the Welsh, the Scottish and the Irish, but I've upset enough people by now so I'll leave them to others. ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
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Firmly on dry land
Posts: 6489 | From: Here, there and everywhere | Registered: May 2001
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
quote:
Premise: there are 9 nations in NA, not three plus a bunch of small islands, each with its own attitudes, capital, economy, etc.
He left out Appalachia.
Appalachia has its own accent (a nasal twang) and its own culture. Many of the people have very little materially, but they have a tremendous amount of self-respect and respect for other people. God help you if you patronize them.
They seem undisturbed that they are different from other people. My aunt hired a man to paint her house. He was called 'Snake'. We never learned his real name, unless it was Snake. He was a very good painter, and if he wanted to be called Snake, that was his business. Around here, you don't ask questions about things like that. There is very much a 'live and let live' philosophy.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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jedijudy*
Jedi defender of ship's cats
# 1059
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by logician:
4. The Islands. Southern Fla to the north coast of South America. Cap. Miami
***hands on hips, looking at the "Miami" word***
NOT!
Erin is correct. I-4 is the dividing line...except for Sanford. It's part of Dixie.
Definition of a Floridian opposite that "M" place (which is properly pronounced: Mah-AM-ah):
Trusting, neighborly group of people, willing to set out lawn chairs beside the main highway up to 2 weeks before the Big Night-time Parade with the full knowledge and assurance that the chairs will not be missing or interferred with in any way.
Will make friends with "Snow birds", although not crazy about the driving habits of said visitors. (If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them??? Just kidding!!!)
Able to detect "Yankees" before they say "younz".
jj...relieved transplant
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ENFP...do you see a "T" anywhere??? I don't think so.
Posts: 3248 | From: Soon to be inhabiting identity # 333!!! | Registered: Aug 2001
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Ginga
Ship's lurker
# 1899
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by ChrisT:
Central - Yorkshire grumpies, drink real ale, believe Yorshire is the centre of the universe
Every few years Yorkshire campaigns to be recognised as a separate country. Even Cornwall's given up on that idea by now.
Shame this is Heaven. There's some lovely Hellish regional jokes.
Posts: 1075 | From: London | Registered: Nov 2001
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Alaric the Goth
Shipmate
# 511
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Posted
Yorkshire itself can be sub-divided:
North Yorkshire is full of lovely countryside, horsey country folk, rich townsfolk who live in market towns and commute in big cars (4x4s etc.)to the cities (see below), and nice breweries (Black Sheep, Cropton, Daleside). There are no good football (soccer) teams.
South Yorkshire is full of depressed former coalfield towns, one big, ugly city with lovely countryside on its doorstep, and is a former Socialist Republic. The beer (Stones) is dreadful (Alas for Ward's!). There are also no good soccer teams.
West Yorkshire is full of students and former students, curry houses and Tetley's pubs (see below). It has two big cities, one of which is better than it used to be and the other is as bad as it ever was. Some of the beer (see above)is crap, but the Timothy Taylor's certainly isn't. It is home to several second-rate football teams and to Leeds United, the Best Team in the World.
West Yorkshire is
Posts: 3322 | From: West Thriding | Registered: Jun 2001
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Rat
Ship's Rat
# 3373
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
They taste pretty much like scones, according to me. The recipe is actually the same until you get into adding cheese or raisins to scones.
NO NO NO!
You do not put cheese or raisins in scones. Especially not cheese.
Not unless you want me to shout NO NO NO at you. A lot.
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It's a matter of food and available blood. If motherhood is sacred, put your money where your mouth is. Only then can you expect the coming down to the wrecked & shimmering earth of that miracle you sing about. [Margaret Atwood]
Posts: 5285 | From: A dour region for dour folk | Registered: Oct 2002
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Cosmo
Shipmate
# 117
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
Fannie Farmer.
I apologise to everybody in advance for this but such an expression is simply too good to pass over.
In England a 'Fanny Farmer' is more likely to be known as a gynaecologist.
Cosmo
Posts: 2375 | Registered: May 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Is that different to Fanny Craddock, then?
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
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Posted
A Snapshot of British life (which in my case includes the North of Ireland or N Ireland, depending on which foot you kick with).
'A British Day Out'
A day out consists of piling into the family car, all packed for a picnic, and driving to the most windswept, inhospitable, rain-lashed, godforsaken piece of moorland, beach, or field it is possible to find within a distance of at least two hours driving. The picnic is unpacked; an old blanket is spread on the grass - which in Britain is almost perenially damp, unless there has been a heatwave, ie no rain for at least four days in a row - and rocks are placed on the corners to stop it from blowing away in the gale force 10 winds buffetting the area.
A basket of picnic fare is exhumed from the boot of the car, hot and smelling of tuna. There is tea in a flask and plastic cups to drink it from; the milk, in the coolbag, has leaked over the cheese sandwiches, which are beginning to curl at the edges anyway and smell of catsick. All chocolate is melted despite the coolbag and is given to the dog who alone will be without enough pride to be willing to lick the wrappers. Boiled eggs are produced and the salt cellar; another appetizing aroma to tempt the palate!
Bottles and cans of fizzy pop have been brought as an alternative to the stewed tea-varnish- remover concoction; but they are so agitated by the car-drive it will be another 3/4 of an hour before they can safely be defused and drunk. Child one has brought a football and Dad attempts a kick-around, but said beach, field or moorland is so reminiscent of a world war one battlefield that ankles are ricked, as feet disappear down rabbit-holes/slip on sheep crap/slide on wet seaweed. A kite is released into the tornado force gale, either to be snapped from its string free to find its own way home; or to have the winds drop instantly. All British picnics, compulsorily, have the scene of 'small child running like hell followed by broken kite bouncing along ground behind him/her'.
It is also compulsory that picnic spots are situated beside the biggest wasps' nest in all creation; or should that choice place already be occupied, the largest ants' nest in all Christendom. The delightful addition to the picnic scene of several hundred tiny, stinging insects is further appreciated when child 2 is despatched to buy ice-cream, and returns dripping sweet, syrupy goo; the perfect feast for those extra guests! This is necessary to fulfil the other compulsory image of a British picnic: 'small screaming child running in terror clutching ice-cream, followed by swarm of buzzing insects'.
It is not a real British picnic until it rains.
It is not a real British picnic until Granny collapses the deck chair just by sitting in it.
It is not a real British picnic until somebody gets heat stroke.
It is not a real British picnic until somebody buys a cheap T-shirt (production price £1.10) with the motto: 'See Clackton (or Millisle if you're from N Ireland) and Die' for the bargainly price of £12.99.
It is not a real British day-out until your family has been unscrupulously overcharged for cups of (proper) tea and coffee and biscuits, and thanked the proprietor of the lay-by burger van they buy them from profusely, for the privilege.
It is not a real British day-out till the dog has been sick in the car on the way back, because of all the chocolate it's eaten.
Ah, happy days!
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Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!
Posts: 10002 | From: Scotland the Brave | Registered: Jul 2002
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Robert Porter-Miller
Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rat:
quote:
Originally posted by chukovsky:
They taste pretty much like scones, according to me. The recipe is actually the same until you get into adding cheese or raisins to scones.
NO NO NO!
You do not put cheese or raisins in scones. Especially not cheese.
Not unless you want me to shout NO NO NO at you. A lot.
How about cherries then - Yum!
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It's a beautiful day - don't let it get away - Bono and the boys
Let's all "Release Some Tension"
Posts: 1231 | From: Washington, D.C. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Sparrow
Shipmate
# 2458
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Posted
quote:
'A British Day Out'
It is not a real British day-out till the dog has been sick in the car on the way back, Ah, happy days![/QB]
Anselmina, this is all too awfully familiar! But you left out the one small white-faced kid in the car on the way back, suffering horribly from car sickness! (that was me ....)
Posts: 3149 | From: Bottom right hand corner of the UK | Registered: Mar 2002
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Quantum
Shipmate
# 1129
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Posted
Central - Yorkshire grumpies, drink real ale, believe Yorshire is the centre of the universe
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As Brian Redhead [a radio presenter] once said "Never ask a man if he's from Yorkshire: if he is, he'll already have told you, if he isn't, why insult him?"
Also, on American perceptions of Britain-anyone red the latest Tom Clancy: "Red Rabbit"? Try the Amazon.co.uk site to get a flavour...
Posts: 146 | Registered: Aug 2001
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Quantum
Shipmate
# 1129
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Posted
Interesting but pointless paraprax-I meant to say "read", not "red", but maybe you'd guessed that.
Posts: 146 | Registered: Aug 2001
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ChrisT
One of the Good Guys™
# 62
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Posted
Alaric, you are firmly supergluing your colours to any mast in sight - Leeds United? The 'Best Team in the World'? Hmmmm.
Mind you you would say that, coming as you do from Elmet (known in the Domesday Book as 'That Posh Place Top Side of Leeds'.
But you're right about Black Sheep, Riggwelter is nectar of the gods.
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Firmly on dry land
Posts: 6489 | From: Here, there and everywhere | Registered: May 2001
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:
It is also compulsory that picnic spots are situated beside the biggest wasps' nest in all creation; or should that choice place already be occupied, the largest ants' nest in all Christendom.
The picnic spot is also as far away from any public convenience as possible, or all too close to one in high summer; in the latter case, it's been several weeks since the start-of-the-season clean and it's run out of paper.
The only bushes around giving both ground cover and sufficient height require tracking through marshy ground of a squelchiness guaranteed to soak the socks. The wind will be wafting at gale strength from the only quarter not occupied by other picnicers. By the time a suitable bush has been found, the head of the household will be sounding the horn ready to go and getting stuck in any traffic jam on the way home can be blamed on the tardiness of the person making use of such a bush.
This is also a good time for a botanical lesson on the difference between dock leaves and nettles.
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Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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