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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Advice for new Apprentices
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
There seem to be quite a few new Apprentices about at the moment, and some of them even have the temerity to post (shock). This being the case I thought it might be helpful for those of us who have been around for a little longer to provide advice and guidance for the recent joiners, rather in the way How to be an alien provided advice for people visiting Britain – “When entering a railway carriage always shake hands with everyone already present”, for example.
Here are a few starters:
- In order to be regarded as a thoughtful, intelligent poster it is best to pick a single subject you have an interest in, and post solely on that topic. Although this might at first appear to limit your scope for posting you will soon find that there is a surprising range of threads on which you can introduce your subject.
- A wide range of beliefs (and none) is expressed on SoF. Always remember, however, that Anglo-Catholicism is the One True Church any deviation from AC practice is wrong and deserves mockery.
- Avoid polysyllabic words starting with “E”.
- Remember this is a Christian website. In the heat of posting even experienced Shipmates sometimes forget this, especially in Hell. You should have no hesitation in reminding them of the nature of the site.
- The Mystery Worship board is not a place for Christian Unrest, do not attempt it there.
- The Hell board tends to get overrun with personal disputes. Try to spread these around the other boards as an alternative.
[ 30. March 2004, 05:44: Message edited by: Coot W*nkMeister Eckhardt ]
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Chocoholic
Shipmate
# 4655
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Posted
If you become stressed with the ship and want a break, start a thread, preferably in hell telling people you are leaving and why.
Posts: 773 | From: London | Registered: Jun 2003
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Alan Cresswell
Mad Scientist 先生
# 31
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Posted
Read the Dead Horses section (or, at least, sufficiently to know the sort of subjects discussed there). Then start a thread in Purgatory on "Homosexuality and Christianity". Whine vociferously that your freedom of speech is being violated when it gets closed.
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Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001
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Quizmaster
Quick quipper
# 1435
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Posted
It is safe to say anything you like about Erin.
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The more questions I ask the more I ask fewer questions.
OR=========================================
The wise person does not know all the answers, but always asks the right questions.
Posts: 3326 | From: Exeter, Devon | Registered: Oct 2001
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
You are probably right when you say that as a Christian Website there are a lot of not very nice people about. Keep saying it.
P
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251
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Posted
Ignore all statements made by a Host.
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2^8, eight bits to a byte
Posts: 3967 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
One of the good things about SoF is that it is an international community made up of people from all over the world. Accordingly, if you post in a language other than English, there is always someone who will be able to read it and reply to you.
The diversity also means that local cultural references aren't a problem, so if you want to rave about the TV programme you saw last night, or your local councillor/politician, it won't matter whether people are posting from the USA, Australia or the UK, they will be able to join in.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Jen.
Godless Liberal
# 3131
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Posted
post when drunk.
and even better, start a thread when drunk. Its really funny and the hosts and admins will think so too. In fact, a host may even tell you to do this, which makes it even more amusing to all.
J
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Was Jenny Ann, but fancied being more minimal.
Posts: 5318 | From: Manchester, England | Registered: Aug 2002
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Ferijen
Shipmate
# 4719
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Posted
Don't ever use the Preview Post button.
Posts: 3259 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2003
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
One of the good things about SoF is that it is an international community made up of people from all over the world.
Very true. And some of the best threads are those demonstrating how much better things are done in the UK than the USA (or vice versa, or substituting OZ etc).
Starting one of these threads is bound to result in much friendly banter.
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Jen.
Godless Liberal
# 3131
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Posted
Other shipmates will look at you with respect if you multiple post.
Not only will this win you friends, but it boosts your post count, which (as we all know) is the way of showing how good and holy you are.
J
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Was Jenny Ann, but fancied being more minimal.
Posts: 5318 | From: Manchester, England | Registered: Aug 2002
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Alan Cresswell
Mad Scientist 先生
# 31
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Posted
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Ferijen:
[QB] Don't ever use the Preview Post button. [QB][QUOTE]And don't worry if this results in really poor use of UBB codes. Some kind host will [i]always[/b] come along and uncomplainingly correct it for you.
[Edit: I am leaving this untouched because it is performance art you HEATHENS! Where's my fave Magic8 ball hiding these days?]
[ 07. January 2004, 17:07: Message edited by: Icarus Coot ]
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Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001
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Ags
Knocked up
# 204
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Posted
- Do not, in any circumstances, read the FAQs or the guidelines for the individual boards
- Never practise your UBB - just go for it!
- Use multiples of everybody's favourite smiley.
![[Axe murder]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif) Particularly in Hell.
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I think that we are most ourselves at our best, because that is what God intended us to be. The us we really like, the us that others love to be with. Moth
Posts: 2707 | From: London | Registered: May 2001
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Read the Dead Horses section (or, at least, sufficiently to know the sort of subjects discussed there).
Quite so.
The Hosts move threads to Dead Horses because they think it is time for the debate to begin afresh on Purgatory and are hoping someone will start a suitable thread.
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Ferijen
Shipmate
# 4719
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Posted
Erin's avatar is a crocodile, seeing as you asked.
Posts: 3259 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2003
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
Remember to read the details of each specific board, and how they each have their own style and format. Do this all in one day, so that you will be completely confused as to what style is appropriate to which board.
Never forget that the hosts, admins, and more established shipmates have probably not read the guidelines for some time, and have probably forgotten them. It is your duty to point out where individuals are breaching them. This is particularly the case in heaven, where a stream of abuse and expletives is the appropriate response to anyone not being lovely, warm and fluffy towards you. This will attract the attention of the hosts to the miscreant.
And, of course, this is the perfect place for your personal theories to be discussed in depth. Keep posting them to the different forums, because eventually, you will find some people who will treat them with the respect they deserve.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
New games threads are always welcome in Heaven.
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
All Saints is a good place to find a thread about a forthcoming meet. As a new person, it would be a bit of a cheek to start one, so if you don't find one in your area, post a note to ask an established shipmate to arrange a meet on your behalf. If you are an established shipmate, you are entitled to ask why nobody ever holds any meets near you and demand that someone does.
And remember, this is a community, so if you think someone is special, start a thread to point it out.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Robert Porter-Miller
Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459
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Posted
People do not always have time to read threads, so if you start a new thread that no-one replies to - start another one and then another one just to make sure your voice is heard.
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It's a beautiful day - don't let it get away - Bono and the boys
Let's all "Release Some Tension"
Posts: 1231 | From: Washington, D.C. | Registered: Oct 2001
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
When you post on a thread in hell, or start one for that matter, always apologise for what you have ranted about and then add in 'don't flame me'. This will earn you great respect from hosts and hell regulars.
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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Paul W.
Shipmate
# 1450
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Posted
Long lists of Bible verse references are the best way to prove your point in Purgatory. No-one will be able to disagree with you.
Paul W
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"It's just a ride" - Bill Hicks
Blog
Flickr
Posts: 2835 | From: Leeds, UK | Registered: Oct 2001
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Alan Cresswell
Mad Scientist 先生
# 31
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Posted
Kerygmania is a board for discussion of the Bible. Always make sure that any thread there explains why the Bible must be inerrant for discussion to be worthwhile.
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Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001
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Robert Porter-Miller
Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459
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Posted
Most of the science students/professionals on board have never ever heard of young earth or creation science theology.
Impress them all with your knowledge of why it is the right way to go with your favourite quotes from Genesis 1:1 and following.
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It's a beautiful day - don't let it get away - Bono and the boys
Let's all "Release Some Tension"
Posts: 1231 | From: Washington, D.C. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Arrietty:
Calling someone a 'fluffy bunny' is the highest compliment you can pay them.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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*The lowly Church mouse*
Ship's Animal & Nature Lover
# 4690
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Posted
Do not worry about grammar and English usage.
Whether it is to or too, there or there etc.
Punctuation is not necessary anywhere on the boards.
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Surrounded by water, swans, ducks, birds & animals.
Posts: 1333 | From: Surrey | Registered: Jul 2003
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Robert Porter-Miller
Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Angel*:
Do not worry about grammar and English usage.
Whether it is to or too, there or there etc.
Punctuation is not necessary anywhere on the boards.
Surely there or they're or maybe their?
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It's a beautiful day - don't let it get away - Bono and the boys
Let's all "Release Some Tension"
Posts: 1231 | From: Washington, D.C. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Robert Porter-Miller
Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459
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Posted
Correct people's grammar and they will thank you immensely for it.
Also never fail to double post - it adds so much more to the thread, with triple and quadruple posting you can acheive bonus points.
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It's a beautiful day - don't let it get away - Bono and the boys
Let's all "Release Some Tension"
Posts: 1231 | From: Washington, D.C. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Callan
Shipmate
# 525
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Posted
If something really upsetting has happened to you in your personal life, do mention it in Hell. You will be overwhelmed with the sympathy and love you recieve.
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How easy it would be to live in England, if only one did not love her. - G.K. Chesterton
Posts: 9757 | From: Citizen of the World | Registered: Jun 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Pique the curiosity of the less-well-rounded by starting threads dedicated to Café in-jokes.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
Help me do my homework/Write my essay threads are wonderful threads to start. You will be overwhemed by the responses
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
Writing one thing, then editing your post to say something completely different is always good for a giggle.
[ 07. January 2004, 15:10: Message edited by: Marvin the Martian ]
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081
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Posted
If a thread has run to more than one page by the time you notice it, it's safe to assume no-one else has been following it from the beginning either. You don't need to make sure you are not repeating what has already been said.
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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy
Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
Before you click "Add Reply" in Hell, look over your post to make sure it is really nasty. If you think it's too tame, add some rude words.
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Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169
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Posted
They'll like you a whole lot better in Hell if you spell out all your curse words with asterisks (i.e. d**n, s**t, etc.)
And jump into as many threads as possible with offensive, but funny, one-liners. People love that!
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Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.
Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003
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Paul W.
Shipmate
# 1450
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Posted
There is a special Hosts board where the hosts and admins discuss the running of these forums. Anyone who asks enough times has the right to read these discussions. See Erin.
Paul W
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"It's just a ride" - Bill Hicks
Blog
Flickr
Posts: 2835 | From: Leeds, UK | Registered: Oct 2001
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Ronist
Shipmate
# 5343
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Posted
Thank-you so very much for your generous and sincere guidance.
I will print this out and keep it near my computer.
An early observation I have made is that a huge post count is a very sure sign of a genius I.Q. and has nothing to do with someone having way too much time on their hands.
Posts: 827 | From: Vancouver Canada | Registered: Dec 2003
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ronist:
Thank-you so very much for your generous and sincere guidance.
I will print this out and keep it near my computer.
An early observation I have made is that a huge post count is a very sure sign of a genius I.Q. and has nothing to do with someone having way too much time on their hands.
I like this Apprentice. Clearly someone with a great future on the Ship
[ 07. January 2004, 17:31: Message edited by: Chapelhead ]
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
No apprentice has the right to post until they have attained the rank of shipmate.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Clyde
Shipmate
# 752
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Posted
Chapelhead, I agree with you that Ronist has the makings of a fine Apprentice. He has a humbleness which is not present in many of the upstart Apprentices that we seem to get these days.
I blame their parents, George Bush and Tony Blair.
Ronist comes from Canada where Rook lives. Is this of any significance?
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I've not been on the ship for a long time. I'm very old now and don't like it when the sea gets rough.
Posts: 1279 | From: England. | Registered: Jul 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Clyde:
I blame their parents, George Bush and Tony Blair.
Apprentice Has Two Daddies: Soon to be banned at a Library near you.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Pheonix
Twisted fire starter
# 2782
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Posted
You obviously never came across that bad american comedy 'My Two Dads' ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
Posts: 2384 | From: on the move. | Registered: May 2002
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Annie P
Ship's galley maid
# 3453
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Posted
Start a games thread in the Circus the same day that the same games thread has just been closed. The hosts don't like new ideas. ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
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Older now, but not necessarily wiser.
Posts: 3248 | From: stockton-on-tees | Registered: Oct 2002
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Paul W.
Shipmate
# 1450
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Posted
POSTING ALL IN CAPITALS MAKES YOUR POSTS MUCH EASIER TO UNDERSTAND
Paul W
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"It's just a ride" - Bill Hicks
Blog
Flickr
Posts: 2835 | From: Leeds, UK | Registered: Oct 2001
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Annie P
Ship's galley maid
# 3453
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Posted
Erin frequently attends US shipmeets. Oh and Erin is male.
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Older now, but not necessarily wiser.
Posts: 3248 | From: stockton-on-tees | Registered: Oct 2002
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MrSponge2U
Ship’s scrub
# 3076
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Posted
Inserting "Praise the Lord" and "Hallelujah" into your posts will impress everyone with how spiritual you are.
Our favorite theologians are Benny Hinn, Pat Robertson, and Jack Chick. Quote from them as often as possible.
And flirting is actively encouraged, especially in Hell.
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sig? what sig?
Posts: 3558 | From: where two big rivers meet | Registered: Jul 2002
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*The lowly Church mouse*
Ship's Animal & Nature Lover
# 4690
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Posted
Join in the game with all hosts and admins.
You have to start lots of polls and the minute the hosts/admins close one, that is your cue to start another.
The trick is to keep one step ahead of them all and keep them guessing the subject for the next poll.
Polls which are considered good are often about hosts and admins, others are about individual shipmates who you can name and pour scorn on especially in Heaven.
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Surrounded by water, swans, ducks, birds & animals.
Posts: 1333 | From: Surrey | Registered: Jul 2003
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Alan Cresswell
Mad Scientist 先生
# 31
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Posted
Remember most of the people on board are apostate heretics. It is your mission to convert us all to the One True Faith™ through the shear volume of posts preaching the word.
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Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001
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