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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Advice for new Apprentices
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*The lowly Church mouse*
Ship's Animal & Nature Lover
# 4690
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Posted
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there
![[Biased]](wink.gif) ![[Cool]](cool.gif) ![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif) ![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif)
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Surrounded by water, swans, ducks, birds & animals.
Posts: 1333 | From: Surrey | Registered: Jul 2003
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
Apprentices, remember to do this kind of thing when you achieve the exalted rank of Shipmate: start a thread with advice to apprentices that has as many baffling in-jokes as possible. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Niënna
Ship's Lotus Blossom
# 4652
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
If you get called onto the rug for being rude, laugh it off and say you were being ironic, or byronic, or something.
You could pretend to understand what people say. And then try to add a clever line showing people how clever you are.
Like here for example, I think, what rhymes with "ironic and byronic" - oh, like "moronic."
One of the things that I really think makes people kind like is if that you like ramble sometimes if you know I mean. and then, then try to cover it up by claiming that no understands you. And go on and on about it. you see what I mean.
![[Axe murder]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif)
Posts: 2298 | From: Purgatory | Registered: Jun 2003
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The Bede's American Successor
Curmudgeon-in-Training
# 5042
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there
I thought they lived in Richmond or Delta.
(In-joke for those that know Lower Mainland BC.)
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This was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride of wealth and food in plenty, comfort and ease, and yet she never helped the poor and the wretched.
—Ezekiel 16.49
Posts: 6079 | From: The banks of Possession Sound | Registered: Oct 2003
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Ronist
Shipmate
# 5343
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Posted
Uh, that'd be me and yes it was nice to recognize a placename or two.
Posts: 827 | From: Vancouver Canada | Registered: Dec 2003
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Androet
Shipmate
# 4133
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there
Well, I'm in exile, actually.
<looks wistfully northwards>
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
Best regards,
Androet
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Where knowledge cannot go, imagination ventures. (Brian Aldiss)
Posts: 235 | From: Surrey, UK | Registered: Feb 2003
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Robert Porter-Miller
Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459
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Posted
You can only post 8 smilies at a time.
To get the full use out of them you will need to post 4 times instead of just once to get their full benefit:
![[Smile]](smile.gif) ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif) ![[Razz]](tongue.gif) ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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It's a beautiful day - don't let it get away - Bono and the boys
Let's all "Release Some Tension"
Posts: 1231 | From: Washington, D.C. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Alan Cresswell
Mad Scientist 先生
# 31
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Posted
Feel free to post a message saying something like "You're all horrible and mean, and not at all Christian™ . I'm not going to post here again" and then return to continue the discussion the following day. No one will notice at all.
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Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001
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Ags
Knocked up
# 204
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there
Croydon is in Surrey!
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I think that we are most ourselves at our best, because that is what God intended us to be. The us we really like, the us that others love to be with. Moth
Posts: 2707 | From: London | Registered: May 2001
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Justinian
Shipmate
# 5357
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Posted
Blaspheme as much as possible, particularly in your sig.
Open threads on topics that are on the first page of Dead Horses.
Post leaving notices every couple of months (has anyone ever got round to installing a revolving door?)
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My real name consists of just four letters, but in billions of combinations.
Eudaimonaic Laughter - my blog.
Posts: 3926 | From: The Sea Coast of Bohemia | Registered: Dec 2003
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ags:
quote:
Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there
Croydon is in Surrey!
Pshaw. Croydon is part of London.
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
Useful phrases to include in your posts:
- The Bible says
- The Bible Code says
- The Pope says
- Jack Chick says
- My cat says
- The voices in my head say
- You wouldn't understand, you're laity
- You wouldn't understand, you're a priest
- My opinion on how the Ship is run is as important as Erin's
- I thought this was supposed to be a Christian website
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Gremlin
Ship's Cryptanalyst
# 129
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Autobailer:
Blaspheme as much as possible, particularly in your sig.
Open threads on topics that are on the first page of Dead Horses.
Post leaving notices every couple of months (has anyone ever got round to installing a revolving door?)
Wow! Either this relative newbie (Hi there, nice to meet you, Autobailer! ) has been lurking for ages, or they've read just about every thread on the boards already, and have really been listening.
Obviously, this thread is working its magic!
Gremlin
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Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
Oh I get it... like humour... but different.
Posts: 5221 | From: Isle of Man | Registered: May 2001
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Papio
Ship's baboon
# 4201
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Useful phrases to include in your posts:
- The Bible says
- The Bible Code says
- The Pope says
- Jack Chick says
- My cat says
- The voices in my head say
- You wouldn't understand, you're laity
- You wouldn't understand, you're a priest
- My opinion on how the Ship is run is as important as Erin's
- I thought this was supposed to be a Christian website
Do you get bonus points if you include all of these in a single post?
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Infinite Penguins.
My "Readit, Swapit" page
My "LibraryThing" page
Posts: 12176 | From: a zoo in England. | Registered: Mar 2003
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
[tangent]
I thought this was supposed to be a Christian website?™
Has anyone ever considered helping Simon & Co market a tee-shirt with this slogan? If nothing else get a pattern that can be made up for Shipmeets and people can donate $5 a shirt to use the iron-on transfer.
Just a thought. Probably better for the Styx.
[/tangent]
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Papio:
quote:
Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Useful phrases to include in your posts:
- The Bible says
- The Bible Code says
- The Pope says
- Jack Chick says
- My cat says
- The voices in my head say
- You wouldn't understand, you're laity
- You wouldn't understand, you're a priest
- My opinion on how the Ship is run is as important as Erin's
- I thought this was supposed to be a Christian website
Do you get bonus points if you include all of these in a single post?
Only in The Styx.
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there
Guildford.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Angel*:
Chapelhead, what is wrong with Surrey? All the best people live there
Guildford.
Ahem! ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif) I'll have you know I went to school there.
p.s. I really do need to change my lens prescription. I logged on for the first time today a few minutes ago, clicked on what I thought was this thread, and was shocked at what I thought Sarkycow was doing to those poor, defenceless new apprentices! ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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eeGAD
Wandering Stowaway
# 4675
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Posted
What about crusading? Newbies are certainly encouraged to crusade.
Did anybody say that yet? I'm setting a good example and not reading any of the previous pages of posts. Newbies should never read all the posts, that way they can repeat what has already been said!
eeG
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You don't fix faith. It fixes you. - Shepherd Book
Posts: 976 | From: The Land of Mary | Registered: Jun 2003
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
Some more good words to use
- Asshat
- Bunkum
- Complete bunkum
- Complete and total bunkum
- Orthodox
- Evangelical
- Ecclesiology
- Ontological
- Acutance
- Fuckwit
Include these and everyone will think you a highly intelligent poster.
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Gremlin
Ship's Cryptanalyst
# 129
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Bunkum
Okay, we've had criticism of Surrey on the grounds of the mere existance of Guildford (this I can understand), but why are we bringing the small Essex town of Saffron Walden into the discussion?
Gremlin
p.s. for those who aren't in the know, 'Bunkum' is the local nickname for Saffron Walden, as in the book 'Five Miles From Bunkum' by Chris Ketteridge (a great-great uncle of mine), on the subject of the village of Ashdon where my paternal family lived for about 800 years (until my grandfather's generation when they started moving to the cities).
p.p.s. Apprentices should find a way of inserting completely useless personal history & claims of ancestry into their posts, for the education of our short-historied cousins across 'the pond'
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Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
Oh I get it... like humour... but different.
Posts: 5221 | From: Isle of Man | Registered: May 2001
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Amphibalus
Cloak of anonymity
# 5351
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Gremlin:
...where my paternal family lived for about 800 years (until my grandfather's generation when they started moving to the cities).
Took 'em that long, huh? ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
Yes, newbies. You see the fact that my grandfather also came from Saffron Walden (which has nothing to do with the thread) where his parents kept the Duke of York pub (which has nothing to do with the thread) which has since been pulled down to make way for yet another retail shed (which has nothing to do with the thread) means that its quite OK for me to engage Gremlin in idle chatter and jolly banter (which has nothing to do with the thread). So just go ahead. Feel free.
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I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
He was looking for the place called Lee Ho Fook’s
Going to get a big dish of beef chow mein. (Warren Zevon)
Posts: 1471 | From: Home of Ronnie Radford's boot | Registered: Dec 2003
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Gremlin
Ship's Cryptanalyst
# 129
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amphibalus:
Yes, newbies. You see the fact that my grandfather also came from Saffron Walden (which has nothing to do with the thread)
And then, of course, a newbie should always point out the minor error of understanding made by the poster, remembering to a tone suggesting deep affront!
"My grandfather did not 'also' come from Saffron Walden, he came from Ashdon!"
Gremlin
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Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
Oh I get it... like humour... but different.
Posts: 5221 | From: Isle of Man | Registered: May 2001
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Papio
Ship's baboon
# 4201
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Posted
Newbies should refrain from showing the slightest familiarity with any aspect whatsoever of both internet and ship culture.
The best thing to do, as has already been said, is to correct well established posters in a petty and pedantic way. You do get bonus points if it turns out that, actually, your "correction" was in error and the original statement by the established poster was correct in every detail.
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Infinite Penguins.
My "Readit, Swapit" page
My "LibraryThing" page
Posts: 12176 | From: a zoo in England. | Registered: Mar 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon:
[tangent]
I thought this was supposed to be a Christian website?™
Has anyone ever considered helping Simon & Co market a tee-shirt with this slogan? If nothing else get a pattern that can be made up for Shipmeets and people can donate $5 a shirt to use the iron-on transfer.
Just a thought. Probably better for the Styx.
[/tangent]
Lyda-- that is in the Styx somewhere.. I have suggested this also.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon:
[tangent]
I thought this was supposed to be a Christian website?™
Has anyone ever considered helping Simon & Co market a tee-shirt with this slogan? If nothing else get a pattern that can be made up for Shipmeets and people can donate $5 a shirt to use the iron-on transfer.
Just a thought. Probably better for the Styx.
[/tangent]
Lyda-- that is in the Styx somewhere.. I have suggested this also.
I figured it must be an obvious idea. You remember what came of it?
See, newbies, this is what is called a tangent and it is an especially good one since it breaks up the monotony of the board themes by placing a Styx subject on a Heaven thread.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
I thought Saffron Walden was in Suffolk, or Cambridgeshire, but clearly I was wrong.
Not that I have anything against Essex, you understand - not like Surrey.
[ 16. January 2004, 07:15: Message edited by: Chapelhead ]
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Tom Day
Ship's revolutionary
# 3630
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon:
[tangent]
I thought this was supposed to be a Christian website?™
Has anyone ever considered helping Simon & Co market a tee-shirt with this slogan? If nothing else get a pattern that can be made up for Shipmeets and people can donate $5 a shirt to use the iron-on transfer.
Just a thought. Probably better for the Styx.
[/tangent]
Lyda-- that is in the Styx somewhere.. I have suggested this also.
Not any more Kelly - I looked for it so I could link it in but couldn't find it anywhere.
Tom
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My allotment blog
Posts: 6473 | From: My Sofa | Registered: Dec 2002
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Gremlin
Ship's Cryptanalyst
# 129
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Chapelhead:
I thought Saffron Walden was in Suffolk, or Cambridgeshire, but clearly I was wrong.
Nope, Saffron Walden is in Essex, at least the YHA (Youth Hostel Association) and the BBC agree with me.
Gremlin
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Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
Oh I get it... like humour... but different.
Posts: 5221 | From: Isle of Man | Registered: May 2001
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Gremlin:
Saffron Walden is in Essex, at least the YHA (Youth Hostel Association) and the BBC agree with me.
Gremlin
Quite so. Perhaps I was thinking along the lines of "Essex, what good thing ever came from there".
Two counties down, only about 37 left to insult.
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Papio
Ship's baboon
# 4201
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Posted
Newbies should remember that:
A) All Americans are right-wing, anarchist nutters who want to kill black people, invade every other country in existence so they can plant MacDonalds there and have no visible education. They are also brainwashed.
B) All British people are paranoid communists who wish they were still an empire. British people all have delusions of grandeur caused by being an ex-empire and we all love the Queen.
C) Every single Canadian or New Zealander is just plain weird and never, ever to be taken seriously.
D) All Asians are terrorists.
E) if your opponent is from some other place, s/he is all of the above and more.
Rememer these basic rules and post accordingly. It will help you to win arguements.
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Infinite Penguins.
My "Readit, Swapit" page
My "LibraryThing" page
Posts: 12176 | From: a zoo in England. | Registered: Mar 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
(more tangent fun!)
It was a long time ago, Tom.. I may have even discussed it in the cafe, now that I think of it.
Ok, on to advice.
Never, ever, ever read the All Saints threads. It will give you personal information about shipmates that will color your objectivity and dull your killer posting instinct.Knowing where someone is coming from only distracts your from your cunning analysis of syntax and rhetoric and snappy comeback openings. Save yourself.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Paul W.
Shipmate
# 1450
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Posted
Continuing Tangent
There was a long running thread in the Styx about Ship merchandise, especially t-shirts, but nothing ever came of it. It's only been deleted fairly recently, I think.
Paul W
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"It's just a ride" - Bill Hicks
Blog
Flickr
Posts: 2835 | From: Leeds, UK | Registered: Oct 2001
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Alan Cresswell
Mad Scientist 先生
# 31
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Posted
Which reminds me of more advice to offer ...
Threads that have been inactive for a few weeks are liable to be deleted by the Hosts. You need to ensure that when a thread is deleted you whine vociferously about the Hosts killing off a discussion you and others had lots more to say on. The fact that no one had bothered to actually contribute for more than 2 weeks is irrelevant.
[also don't worry too much about awful grammar]
[ 18. January 2004, 21:47: Message edited by: Alan Cresswell ]
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Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001
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Paul W.
Shipmate
# 1450
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Posted
The ideal way to do this whining is to start a thread in Hell.
Paul W
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"It's just a ride" - Bill Hicks
Blog
Flickr
Posts: 2835 | From: Leeds, UK | Registered: Oct 2001
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Threads that have been inactive for a few weeks are liable to be deleted by the Hosts. You need to ensure that when a thread is deleted you whine vociferously about the Hosts killing off a discussion you and others had lots more to say on. The fact that no one had bothered to actually contribute for more than 2 weeks is irrelevant.
The word "Nazi" is particularly useful in this context.
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Gremlin
Ship's Cryptanalyst
# 129
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Papio:
B) All British people are paranoid communists who wish they were still an empire. British people all have delusions of grandeur caused by being an ex-empire and we all love the Queen.
Wow, so we're all crypto-royalist, communists with paranoid delusions of grandeur; what a lovely set of contradictions. ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
quote:
C) Every single Canadian or New Zealander is just plain weird and never, ever to be taken seriously.
But this one is actually right!
Stitch
p.s. ain't it difficult to remember to sign with the right name, just after changing it!
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Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
Oh I get it... like humour... but different.
Posts: 5221 | From: Isle of Man | Registered: May 2001
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Alan Cresswell:
Which reminds me of more advice to offer ...
Threads that have been inactive for a few weeks are liable to be deleted by the Hosts. You need to ensure that when a thread is deleted you whine vociferously about the Hosts killing off a discussion you and others had lots more to say on. The fact that no one had bothered to actually contribute for more than 2 weeks is irrelevant.
[also don't worry too much about awful grammar]
Of course, to show that you know the ropes, to stop a thread being deleted, just post the word "bump" to it every day. For a fortnight.
(And Stitch, where does babybear say she lives now? Cottage of the three bears and ...?)
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Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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Anna B
Shipmate
# 1439
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Posted
Start a thread in Hell about something really disgusting. Others will come along and support you with contributions of their own. Eventually Sine Nomine will show up and thank you for sharing. This is a sign that you are now a member of the Ship's "in-crowd."
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Bad Christian (TM)
Posts: 3069 | From: near a lot of fish | Registered: Oct 2001
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Gremlin
Ship's Cryptanalyst
# 129
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ann:
(And Stitch, where does babybear say she lives now? Cottage of the three bears and ...?)
Same place as last week, AFAIK! ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
Her 'location' is her problem, though, not mine!
Stitch
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Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
Oh I get it... like humour... but different.
Posts: 5221 | From: Isle of Man | Registered: May 2001
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Ronist
Shipmate
# 5343
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Stitch:
quote:
C) Every single Canadian or New Zealander is just plain weird and never, ever to be taken seriously.
But this one is actually right!
Stitch
Ah, no. Taking a swipe at a Welshman is just so redundant. Besides they already have such a cross to bear.
Posts: 827 | From: Vancouver Canada | Registered: Dec 2003
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ronist:
Taking a swipe at a Welshman is just so redundant. Besides they already have such a cross to bear.
It could be worse, they could be from Shropshire.
(36 to go).
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Gremlin
Ship's Cryptanalyst
# 129
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ronist:
Ah, no. Taking a swipe at a Welshman is just so redundant. Besides they already have such a cross to bear.
Shame I'm not a Welshman then.
Stitch
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Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
Oh I get it... like humour... but different.
Posts: 5221 | From: Isle of Man | Registered: May 2001
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
I'll just lie low and hope nobody mentions Bognor Regis.
I forgot...what's this thread about?
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Miffy:
I forgot...what's this thread about?
Helping Apprentices, especially ones unfortunate anought to come from Sussex, a county so awful that half of it won't speak to the other half.
Apprentices - as a number of people have suggested, it's important not to make rash judgements about folk based on where they were born or live.
(35 to go)
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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*The lowly Church mouse*
Ship's Animal & Nature Lover
# 4690
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Posted
Chapelhead
I really must take you to Hell if you keep on upsetting me.
I was born in Sussex - a wonderful county and now live in Surrey - another lovely place to live.
How come you hate both counties with so much venom.
PS Sorry to go off on a tangent in this very helpful advice thread!
Posts: 1333 | From: Surrey | Registered: Jul 2003
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