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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Presenting: SoF's The Cast Iron Chefs!
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
GK, Am. Challenger
Three house elves slip quietly out the back way, on an Important Mission.
Deep in the pavilion, Chef GK rises, dresses, and does T'ai Chi. Finished, she smiles--she is ready for battle.
2 house elves head toward Chef Erin's kitchen, with great trepidation. They bear a sterling silver tray with a box of monastic fudge, and a Mason jar full of daisies.
A carefully-calligraphed card is attached to the jar with a gingham ribbon. "May the best chef win", it states, followed by a ![[Biased]](wink.gif) .
The elves silently leave the tray at the edge of Chef Erin's kitchen, and race back to the pavilion.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Siegfried
Ship's ferret
# 29
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Posted
Siegfried, Floor Reporter
Coot-san...
When asked what she felt her chances were against Iron Chef American, Challenger GK said that she'd give her heck. Perhaps that is what is in the fudge box on the silver tray?
Siegfried
[ 11. January 2004, 18:42: Message edited by: Siegfried ]
Posts: 5592 | From: Tallahassee, FL USA | Registered: May 2001
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
Ptooowiii! ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
[Lyda spits out a wad of chewy, slimy white stuff she found herself mindlessless chewing as she awoke.]
"Hey! I know those bags! That's Wonder Bread! Lots and lots and lots of Wonder Bread! That reminds me, I think I have some Jiff in here and saltines... somewhere and a bottle of Jolt™ cola. Anyone got some rum?
"Didja know a loaf of Wonder Bread can compress down to one square inch? True. It's like an octopus."
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Siegfried, considering Challenger's hippie leanings, it might be wise to take a good look at that fudge.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Firenze Critic-san
After detailed research in Hildegard of Bingen's Causae et curae, Aristotle's De generatione et corruptione and the Reader's Digest Big Book of Baking, I can only conclude that the 144 loaves indicate what is in preparation is Elect Seal Sandwich.
The recipe is obscure, but involves a great deal of washing. Controversy has raged over the centuries as to whether the filling/topping must be seal, or whether another marine mammal can be substituted. Those of us familiar with the ferment of 16th C Germany will remember the so-called 'Jonah' burghers of Leipzig - a schismatic sect of the Banana-baptists.
I look forward to sampling what is obviously a rare delicacy, and trust the defenestrations can be kept to a minimum.
[ 12. January 2004, 07:59: Message edited by: Firenze ]
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
(Coot-san)
Wise words from our panel! And we are looking forward to the appraisal of our seasoned critic Kishi, whose... honesty is well known.
Perhaps we can go across to Floor Reporter Siegfried who will give us some close ups of loaf-unwrapping action?
But both chefs are certainly keeping things close to their chests tonight - neither has written a menu; so stay with us for the intriguing unfolding -
Battle Bread!
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Mertseger
Faerie Bard
# 4534
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Posted
(Kishi)
As you know, Wonder Bread, and, indeed baked goods of any kind made from wheat flour are not familiar foods for most Japanese. Nevertheless, this bread is widely available though sold in slices which are about twice as thick as their Western counterparts.
I shall not speculate on the recipes, but I should note that it shall be important to highlight the two key features of this bread: its compressability (as has already been noticed) of the raw bread and its delicious, subtle aroma. This ingredient is tricky because, like most staples which have been used on this show as a feature ingredient (like, say, the Tofu Battle), it will be difficult not to have the other chosen elements dominate the flavor of the bread.
I look forward to witnessing the creativity of the chefs under these constraints.
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Go and be who you are:
The Body of Christ,
The Goddess of Body,
The Manifest Song of Faerie.
Posts: 1765 | From: Oakland, CA, USA | Registered: May 2003
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
Seals? ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
[Damn furriners, thinks Lyda. ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif) She nudges the woman in the linx, stroller-length coat to her left.]
Can you believe it? These folks will eat anything.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Ronja
Shipmate
# 4693
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Posted
[Somewhat miffed over the lack of scantily clad male chefs, although silently applauding Iron Chef American's efforts for the female side, Light focusses her attention on the Challenger.]
That Challenger seems to have some kind of flower theme going... fits well with the white bread. Flower / Flour, get it? ![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
[Pokes Lyda in the back while giggling hysterically. When she sees Lyda's nonplussed reaction, Light sobers up and rummages in her scuffed rucksack. An unlabeled bottle containing a clear liquid is produced.]
This should go nicely with the Jolt! But then what doesn't?
Posts: 742 | From: Up North | Registered: Jul 2003
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Siegfried
Ship's ferret
# 29
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Posted
Floor Reporter Siegfried
Coot-san...
Iron Chef American scoffed at the Challengers assertion of victory. She feels that Wonder Bread will not pose any challenge for her whatsoever, although she is concerned that contact with it may burn the skin of "[that] hemp-wearing California hippie".
At this point, there doesn't appear to be any unwrapping going on. Let me check on Iron Chef English and her Challenger.
Sieg
Posts: 5592 | From: Tallahassee, FL USA | Registered: May 2001
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Siegfried
Ship's ferret
# 29
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Siegfried, considering Challenger's hippie leanings, it might be wise to take a good look at that fudge.
Floor Reporter Siegfried
closeup of silver tray with a plate of fudge on it
Coot-san...
It does appear that it is indeed fudge on the silver tray.
Sieg
Posts: 5592 | From: Tallahassee, FL USA | Registered: May 2001
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
[Lyda sniffs Light's clear liquid, reels from the fumes, but since it didn't make her pass out, hands Light two cups of Jolt for doctoring.]
"Uh, yeah, flower/flour. Good one. Yeah. Cheers!" [sips] "Whoa, mama! What is this stuff? Please don't say lighter fluid."
[silence]
"Get it? Lighter fluid?" ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251
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Posted
Duo Seraphim critic-san
My refined nostrils detect Acquavit - you know, the stuff they send around the world in the hold of a tramp steamer to ...er, mature. Probably could be used for lighter fluid though.
Coot-san, my fellow critics have commented on the compressibility and whiteness of Wonder White. I wish to pay tribute to its ubiquity. There is no country in the world so remote that an oh so ineffably soft white bread cannot be found there. I have seen it on palm-fringed Pacific islands, in the lush jungles of Sri Lanka, in the fastness of the wildest veldt of Africa and - whisper it softly - in France, where they have real bread.
We should all admire the wisdom of Chairman Belisaga-san in choosing such a truly international ingredient.
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2^8, eight bits to a byte
Posts: 3967 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
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Cranmer's baggage*
Shipmate
# 4937
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Posted
In the lull in proceedings, the audience gets the opportunity to take a better look at Cast Iron Chef Professional. Dressed in a discreet but elegant tapered skirt & matching tailored jacket, her blouse drapes just a little suggestively. She stands poised on elegantly high heels, and occassionally sweeps a manicured hand through her low-maintenance bob. Cradled in her left hand is her tiny but elegant and powerful cellphone with internet capability. She watches her colleague, Cast Iron Chef American, with an approving but vaguely abstracted air, as if her mind was on other things. Is she thinking of the next business opportunity, or reflecting on the glossy mag she read at the hairdressers, and wondering how she can adapt the recipes?
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Eschew obfuscation!
Posts: 729 | From: the antipodes | Registered: Sep 2003
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Erin
Meaner than Godzilla
# 2
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Posted
(Iron Chef American)
Crunchy? CRUNCHY?!? I said CREAMY you dumbass!
begins beating sous chef with jar of peanut butter
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Commandment number one: shut the hell up.
Posts: 17140 | From: 330 miles north of paradise | Registered: Mar 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
GK, Amer. Challenger
House elves urgently approach GK. Some are frightened, and some livid. They heard that Chef Erin beat her chef. GK assures them that she herself will never beat them; they are a team.
GK suggests quiet commiseration and cocoa with the wounded chef, and enlightening the poor dear on the joys of unionization.
The elves take it upon themselves to call the Labor Dept., OSHA, the ACLU, and the newspapers.
They also purchase alligator traps.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
(Coot-san)
Thankyou Critics and Floor Reporter Siegfried-san - oh! and Iron Chef American appears to be barking something at the sous chef! Now she is hitting him! We may have to cross back to Floor Reporter Siegfried for a slow motion replay on that Crunchy Peanut Paste Jar action!
[PS. Game note: Iron Chef English Heritage and Challenger ( yes, we have one!) will be having there very own cook-off; as will Iron Chef Professional and Challenger (who we still have need of)]
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
[Lyda nods judiciously at Iron Chef Am. and belches gently.}
"I know what she means. I like crunchy myself right out of the jar while I'm watching COPS! and America's Most Wanted but when I want to spoon it into a recipe like peanutbutter popcorn, creamy works better.
"Ha! Give that freak hell, Gator Girl! Our girl's got a frickin' hour to whip that challenger's candy ass and her sous chef can't even read a shopping list?! I mean damn! Go on and break his head; it's not as if he's using it."
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
(Kelly sets down wineglass and rubs eyes. Little people scurrying about stage.)
I can't tell you how fascinating it is to here the predictions from my fellow..uh, critics...
(Star-Spangled Hussy begins beating surf.Little people cringe and continue to scurry about. Little people carrying little boxes. Kelly's mouth goes dry.She swallows.)
As I was saying, I hope the imagination of the contestants matches that of our illustrious critics, who..uh, does anyone..else see?...
Harrumph. In any case, it has reached my ears that American Hu--Chef has had a snag in her plans. Will she have time to get new ingredients or will she have to make do with OH MY GOD!!!!
On route to stage, little man brushes Kelly's leg. Hops up on stage and confers with GK, nods and scurries off to accomplish new task
Ok, not funny anymore, WHAT in HELL was THAT?
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Firenze Critic-san
Firenze glances up from perusing a copy of the Unexpurgated Mrs Beeton, bound in sealskin.
Hmm. Interesting. Perhaps a live ingredient? Greymalkin!
The grey cat emerges from behind her chair, looking guilty - but in a nonchalant, catly sort of way.
Are they good to hunt, my little Hecat?
The cat watches the scurrying figures for a while, then, crouching down, begins to ripple in their direction
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
GK, Amer. Challenger
A female house elf approaches Kelly, and hands her a brochure.
"House Elf Collective Kitchen"
"Liberated from hundreds of years of oppression, we are supporting ourselves by using our traditional cooking methods and skills. A portion of our profits goes to help liberate our sister and brother house elves."
Meanwhile, an adolescent girl in black robes approaches the cat, and waves a wand at it. "Don't even think about it, feline! I didn't liberate these elves just so you could eat them!"
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
{Kicking open the sticky little backstage door again, Janine rolls in several cases of liquor on her squeaky dolly.
By now she's tied her wandering hat into her belt and has rolled up her sleves- all flashing white arms and legs and flying ruby hair in the semi-lit, blacklighted backstage area.
She deftly sidesteps what looks lilke a puddle of blood around a broken peanut butter jar and dumps the booze near other supplies...
And she checks the bill of lading -- and she notices yet another crate in the back of the truck belongs here.
Back to the alley, dragging the creaky squeaky dolly...}
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Ronja
Shipmate
# 4693
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda Rose of Sharon:
"Get it? Lighter fluid?"
"Ah! Indeed. Very funny..."
[downs entire cup in an effort to hide irritation]
"Cough! Brrrr!" [Eyes glaze over, then suddenly light up in a hellish way]
"However, I think heavier fluid would be a more appropriate term." ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Posts: 742 | From: Up North | Registered: Jul 2003
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
[Oop! We seem to have gone over time!]
(Coot-san)
Panel we have only 10 minutes remaining! Has the Iron Chef abandoned the dish with the peanut butter? What has Challenger prepared to lay before us? Will the Icecream Maker get used in the dying stages of this battle?
These next 10 minutes will be decisive. It's all quite a huddle down there - they are really taking us down to the wire! Then it will be the great pleasure of our Critics to sample the Challenger's then the Iron Chef's dishes and give their comments.
.
[Game note: I'll note the end of the 60 minutes with a post at 4pm GMT]
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
(Coot-san)
And now the 60 minute during which our Iron Chef American and her Challenger, Golden Key prepared delicacies showcasing the mystery ingredient: Wonder Bread have come to an end!
We await the Chefs laying out their tasty morsels before the critics - first the Challenger then Iron Chef American! And let me say, our Critics are chomping at the bit to tear into these dishes and to announce the victor of Battle Bread!
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
GK, Amer. Challenger
All HECK house elves return to the pavilion. Hermione glares at the creeping cat, then joins the elves. A mass shout is heard: "Give 'em HECK!"
The doorway to the pavilion opens.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
GK, Amer. Challenger
Chef GK steps out from the pavilion. She wears a purple satin chef's outfit. Around her neck is a stunning lotus pendant, made of bread clay.
She approaches the Chairman and his panel of critics, bows low, takes a deep breath, smiles, and begins to speak.
Gracious Chairman, critics, chefs, and guests!
American cuisine is as diverse as the American people. It is often humble in origin and presentation, but wonderful in flavor.
Wonder bread is an amazing example of this. It has a deceptively humble demeanor, yet can be utilized by a snack-hungry child or a gourmet chef. It is light and fluffy, can be eaten plain or smothered in flavorful goodness. It even "builds strong bodies 12 ways".
It lends itself to use in any meal, in any circumstance, at any time of day.
To demonstrate this, my team and I have prepared an array of dishes to demonstrate its versatility.
We begin with...BREAKFAST!
House elves present trays, first to the chairman, then to the panel.
Each tray holds simple yellow ceramic ware. Each plate holds
This is accompanied by a glass of Florida orange juice, colonial-style silverware, and paper napkins elegantly folded into the shape of a ship.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Mertseger
Faerie Bard
# 4534
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Posted
(Kishi)
<Cutting French Toast with knife and fork and eating in the European manner in which the fork does not exchange hands.>
The difficulty with toasting Wonder Bread is its thinness and lack of density making it difficult to control. These are a lovely shade of brown, and it's clear that the batter was not allowed to make the bread soggy before frying. Well controled and well executed.
The choice of spices was a little inventive with the ginger adding just a bit of bitterness which plays nicely with the sweetness of the dish. Quite good, though I find it surprising that it was not served with the traditional maple syrup.
<Tastes painted bread>
The presentation is nice, but, otherwise, the dish is unremarkable.
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Go and be who you are:
The Body of Christ,
The Goddess of Body,
The Manifest Song of Faerie.
Posts: 1765 | From: Oakland, CA, USA | Registered: May 2003
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
(Ariel)
I would be inclined to give good marks for the simple yet elegant presentation. The fresh cheerfulness of the coloured plates predisposes you to like what you are served, and is pleasingly offset by the orange juice, which has just a hint of mist on the outside of the glass. The toast is nicely done, although perhaps a little greasy; the combination of flavourings finely tuned and pleasant, although some might find it a touch too sweet. Those flavourings would be perfect for bread icecream, though.
As for the painted bread, it puts me in mind of the Edible Maps Exhibition that I saw (and tasted) in London in 1983. I must agree with my esteemed fellow critic Kishi that the dish is otherwise unremarkable.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
[From the peanut gallery:]
"Not bad. But where are Alaska and Hawaii is what I want to know?"
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
[Ed Note: In the show not all critics comment on each dish, so feel free to select a couple]
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
GK, Amer. Challenger
And now, a simple but filling lunch--especially well-suited for a chilly day. Appropriate for an apres-ski family lunch, a curl-up-with-movies day, or sending with the kids to the rec room while you catch up on your sleep.
The elves present to the chairman, then the panel:
- Grilled Tillamook sharp cheddar cheese sandwich, sauteed in olive oil, minced basil, and pressed garlic
- Creamy, farm-fresh tomato soup with crisp Wonder bread croutons
- Finger-size strips of carrots and celery
- Washington apple juice, chilled
The lunch is served on floral Corningware dishes, placed on folding wooden lap trays. This is accompanied by stainless steel utensils, a blue cloth napkin with wodden animal napkin ring, and a thick, riveting novel.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Golden Key, Amer. Challenger
As the chairman and panel savor and consider, one team of house elves stands ready to clear away empty plates. Another passes trays of samples through the audience. And a third team performs a variety of American folk, square, and reel dances.
GK unobtrusively sips a cup of green tea.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
{Grumbling something about developing kicker's thighs, Janine guides her dolly thru the stage door again.
Mysteriously, it is perfectly silent this time and seems to float an inch above the ground. The ornate boxes stacked on it bear beautiful flowing inscriptions -- "Perpetual Pixie Powder" was one she thought had to be a joke. The "Elven Way Shortening" one made more sense. Then there was "Cheese Food". "What does one feed to a cheese?" she thought...
She noticed the audience- the conscious ones - paying attention to someone, obviously a chef. And there seemed to be a lot of Little People working with the chef. Really Little People.
She rubbed her eyes and looked again. Yup, they were still there. Ooooooookay...
She turned to leave through the alley door- and not for the final time, by the looks of this event. Much classier deal than the previous food-related event she'd delivered for in this auditorium. That had been a traveling chocolate pudding wrestling exhibition.
"In fact," she mused as she kicked the sticky door shut on her way out- "I bet that's why the door sticks. All that pudding all over the place!"
And she grinned, and licked her lips, remembering the invitation round she'd wrestled, and the whipped cream "secret weapon" with which she'd conquered her opponent.}
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
GK, Amer. Challenger
Chef GK notices many in audience have slipped into an alcoholic stupor. Further, the chairman and panel seem to have slipped into a stasis mode. She suspects magic. Drastic measures are called for.
She motions to an elf, who brings her a metal triangle and striker. She delicately strikes the triangle.
No response.
She strikes again, more fervently.
No change in the audience.
She strikes again, and shouts:
"DINNER!"
All present slowly rustle to attention.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by golden key:
- Grilled Tillamook sharp cheddar cheese sandwich, sauteed in olive oil, minced basil, and pressed garlic
- Creamy, farm-fresh tomato soup with crisp Wonder bread croutons
- Finger-size strips of carrots and celery
- Washington apple juice, chilled
The lunch is served on floral Corningware dishes, placed on folding wooden lap trays. This is accompanied by stainless steel utensils, a blue cloth napkin with wodden animal napkin ring, and a thick, riveting novel.
Duo Seraphim critic-san
Ah, lunch - the gastronomic hinge of the day. The sandwich is an interesting yet flavoursome twist on Croque Monsieur. The garlic and basil oil infusion in which it was fried partners the tomato soup well. Not sure about the crudites - a concession to the raw food movement? The presentation is simple but homely, with the wodden animals (which species?) a suitably naif touch.
[ 14. January 2004, 03:06: Message edited by: Duo Seraphim ]
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2^8, eight bits to a byte
Posts: 3967 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
GK, Amer. Challenger
Members of the HECK team roll a series of carts onto the stage (as well as one backstage, for the hard-working stagehands and delivery persons).
Chef GK. herself, presents to the chairman, panel, and chefs:
The food is served on formal china, in Southwestern desert hues. It is accompanied by Calistoga sparkling water and Ariel White Zinfandel, served in crystal stemware. (Ariel is a non-alcoholic wine which has repeatedly won tasting contests against alcoholic wines.)
Presentation includes pewter utensils, sand-colored linen napkins, and bread clay napkin rings with the CIC (Cast Iron Chefs) insignia.
A house elf furiously tugs at GK's tunic. The chef bends low for a hurried conference. GK bows to all assembled, and hurries after the elf into the pavilion, glad for a moment to mop her fevered brow.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
GK, Am. Challenger
Samples of the dinner are circulated through the audience.
GK peers nervously from the pavilion, promising herself a spa weekend when all is done. And chocolate. Lots of chocolate.
The rumbling of heavy carts is heard.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Amazing Grace*
Shipmate
# 4754
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by golden key:
GK, Amer. Challenger
Chef GK notices many in audience have slipped into an alcoholic stupor. Further, the chairman and panel seem to have slipped into a stasis mode. She suspects magic. Drastic measures are called for.
She motions to an elf, who brings her a metal triangle and striker. She delicately strikes the triangle.
No response.
She strikes again, more fervently.
No change in the audience.
She strikes again, and shouts:
"DINNER!"
All present slowly rustle to attention.
*grumbles in audience*
Hey, I was already paying attention. If that had been sourdough with that Tillamook cheese sandwich I might have done something rash trying to get at it.
Charlotte
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.sig on vacation
Posts: 2594 | From: Sittin' by the dock of the [SF] bay | Registered: Jul 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Well, and impressive display from American Challenger. Grilled cheese and tomato soup, what a classic piece of Americana. The croutons are a nice touch--once again showing the true versitality of Wonder.
And the turkey dinner--what a triumph! ( I have actually entertained with those edible bread bowls myself, they are fun, aren't they?)
Elves: Apples in the summertime, peaches in the fall
If I can't have the boy I love, won't have none at all.
As to the breakfast, I must say, Kishi, that I do miss some sort of syrup--butter pecan, if not maple--and the painted toast, is pretty much , er, painted dry toast.
But the bread pudding is truly the piece de resistance...that rich, creamy color.. that smooth, sensuous texture.. the tart berries offsetting the sweetness of the chocolate.. I could just plunge my hands in it and work it like Demi Moore going at an unfired vase. My tastebuds will forever retain that flavour...
Shady Grove, my true love, Shady grove I say
Shady Grove , my true love, I'm bound for Shady Grove..
(Kelly's eyes glaze over)
The singing... The singing... I...I must follow...
Kelly gets up.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
"Ya got any bread left to make turkey sandwiches with? Oooo! And give me some of that bread pudding stuff. I told Aunt Evelyn I'd bring her back any pudding they passed around. She has a bet with herself that none of these high-falooting chefs can touch her mama's blue ribbon tapioca pudding. Here, young man, spoon it in this Ziplock™ container- that's right. Thanks.
"I'll have some of that zinfandel, too." [a long swig] ![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif) "Ewww, what's wrong with this wine? It's so thin. What?
"What the hell is the point of non-alcoholic wine for God's sake?
"And where is she going now with that axe?"
[ 14. January 2004, 06:07: Message edited by: Lyda Rose of Sharon ]
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
GK, Am. Challenger
There is silence.
It is broken by a great rumbling.
House elves push 10 heavily laden carts onto the stage. 4 of them lay down a huge rectangle of fireproof material.
Another group of elves quickly builds a simple brick hearth. Yet another group puts in tinder, kindling, and wood.
6 elves stand around the perimeter of the hearth with fire extinquishers, buckets of water and of sand, boxes of baking soda, and a first aid kit.
An elf in a suit, carrying an attache case, presents copies of the requisite fire and safety permits to the chairman, panel, stage crew, and a fire marshal who is watching from the sidelines.
In the pavilion, GK stands meditatively on her head. Almost done. Ahead, a spa weekend for herself, and an estate in the country for the elves.
And chocolate.
She smiles, turns right-side up, and pulls a box of fireplace matches from a shopping bag.
She is ready.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
"Barbecued Wonder Bread? Maybe. I always use KC Masterpiece sauce on my ribs at home. But it seems like bread would either turn soggy with sauce or black & extra crispy. I dunno. Maybe if you roll it around hotdogs and pin it with toothpicks like big ol' cocktail wieners ..."
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Firenze Critic-san
Firenze puts down the thick riveting novel. It's not often, she thinks, you get a novel about welding.
She notes, with a sigh, a slight dab of Vinaigrette on the finger of one black satin glove. She peels them off to reveal black lace ones underneath.
Applying heat to food to make it more palatable is truly what distinguishes from the beasts. It must follow that the greater the degree of removal from its origin, the more truly human a food must be. Wonderbread therefore by itself almost approaches the summit of civilisation. The association with raw fruit and vegetable may either be a culinary faux pas, or a charming effort at an imitation pastoralism a la Marie Antoinette (herself a notable fan of the brioche).
I therefore pronounced the painted bread as the logically pre-eminent dish of those presented.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Ariel
Well, the first candidate has certainly made an interesting start, not least of all with a quite shameless attempt to appeal to my better nature with a case of non-alcoholic wine. Regrettably after so many years of being a food critic, I am naturally somewhat more particular and demanding than that, and will be pleased to supply future contestants with a list of things that might be acceptable, after the show. I reserve the right to be arbitrary and capricious, though; the style of presentation is equally as important as any prospective gift, and having a crate dumped noisily on my doorstep by giggling house elves at 2 am who then ring my doorbell and run away is not a complete guarantee of cast iron success. Let us await the piece de resistance.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
Coot-san
(Aside)
Challenger has certainly pulled out all the stops, that's 6 dishes so far! But I am wondering... will she be marked down for those dishes that distance themselves from the Style with too much sophistication? Our judges have been complementary thus far.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Ronja
Shipmate
# 4693
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Posted
"Mmmmmmmmm.... what a wonderful taste that cheese had... American cheddar really is special. And what a show! Elves and painted food and magic and ... Whatever will Iron Chef American be able to counter this with?"
[Notices Kelly moving on the stage. Leans forward and whispers to Lyda:]
"Hey! Ready some of that Jolt, there will be clothes dropping soon if I am not much mistaken. No, really, we can't drink this straight!"
Posts: 742 | From: Up North | Registered: Jul 2003
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
"I'm there with you, Light. Anything to get the taste of that so-called zin out of my mouth. Yeah, this Jolt is turning out great with your...well, whatever this volatile liquid is . You can get a nice buzz but stay alert. Perfecto!
Those little singing munchkins are starting to give me the creeps and I think you are right about Kel-san. She's about to join the fairies. I wonder if one of those shifty, little bastards dropped acid in her wine. Oh, God. I hope it wasn't the zin."
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
quote:
Firenze Critic-san
Firenze puts down the thick riveting novel. It's not often, she thinks, you get a novel about welding.
She notes, with a sigh, a slight dab of Vinaigrette on the finger of one black satin glove. She peels them off to reveal black lace ones underneath.
![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Mertseger
Faerie Bard
# 4534
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Posted
(Kishi)
The roast turkey is moist and savory. Roasts are seldom served on Cast Iron Chef since the cooking times required generally far exceed the one hour available. I am agog that the Challenger could achieve this dish in the time allotted. It's almost like magic...
Of course, it is the stuffing that contains this week's theme, and here the Challenge shines. The pone's sweetness and the Wonder Bread's ability to sop up the juices of the turkey make this a delightful confection. I also like the surprising spicyness of the dish and the crunch of the pecans. And, if I'm not mistaken, she has minced in a bit of that southwestern delicacy prairie oysters in addition to the listed ingredients. Well done!
The salad served at the end of the main course provides a good contrast and balance, particularly against the hotness of the stuffing. Here, at last we see the plasticity of the bread being used to an advantage.
The bread prudding is light and well excuted, though the use of the raspberry sauce seems to be a bit prosiac to me. Still, the Challenger has presented several classic American dishes with some inventiveness and an emphasis on fresh fruits and vegetables. Clearly, her background in Californian Cuisine is speaking through this presentation.
I look forward to her finale with some anticipation.
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Go and be who you are:
The Body of Christ,
The Goddess of Body,
The Manifest Song of Faerie.
Posts: 1765 | From: Oakland, CA, USA | Registered: May 2003
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