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Source: (consider it) Thread: Hell: Blasphemous desecration
Zwingli
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# 4438

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quote:
Originally posted by Duo Seraphim:
Then there's the question of simony and selling the sacraments by selling a consecrated host. IIRC simony caused all sorts of problems for the Catholic Church, starting with that Luther chap and going on from there... it's a sensitive subject, you know. [Biased]

Thanks Duo for mentioning Luther and simony, you have given me a brilliant idea - selling indulgences on eBay. No need to actually transport anything physical to the purchaser, they just send you the money and you guarantee them fewer years of torment in the life to come. I guess you could make things interesting by asking them to confess to particular sins which you would then absolve for a price.

[ 15. April 2005, 06:49: Message edited by: Zwingli ]

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Pyx_e

Quixotic Tilter
# 57

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Do I want to know what a "cooch" is?

P

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It is better to be Kind than right.

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Golden Key
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# 1468

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quote:
Originally posted by Sienna:
"Gracious Sovereign, thank you SO very much for the lovely rib. It's certainly a unique gift that added much to the flavor of our evening. I'm sure the Duke and I will enjoy it for many, many years."

Possible next lines:

"You'll be happy to know we're using it to wedge the shutters shut, so we don't freeze in the winter."

"Our hunting dog has buried it in a safe place, known only to him."

"My cousin is making it into bone buttons for the children's sweaters."


(And yes, it's past midnight here, and I'm up too late!)

[Two face]

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")

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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251

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Sorry, Zwingli - like all really good commercial ideas, you have to be first to the market.

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2^8, eight bits to a byte

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Alfred E. Neuman

What? Me worry?
# 6855

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quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
Do I want to know what a "cooch" is?

It's what I lie on while watching TV. I hate it when there are crackers or crumbs.

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--Formerly: Gort--

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Linguo

Ship's grammar robot
# 7220

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If this thread has taught me one thing, it's to be acutely grateful that I belong to a denomination where communion is never going to be administered either by face-pulling schoolchildren or pompous sixth-formers with a phenomenally excessive idea of their own importance. Go us. And if I'd been the lady in 103's unsavoury story, I would have been complaining vocally to the officiating priest after the service.
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Amos

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# 44

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Wouldn't I love to hear what Henry's priest has to say about the dog's breakfast of a liturgy offered at his church (at least as represented on these boards)! If the good Father is the instigator of this chaos I somehow doubt that he would be on the same wavelength as anyone bringing a complaint.

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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

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Amos

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# 44

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That would be Father *************. Father? Are you there, Father? Do you read me? What the fuck is going on at your place? 'Empowering the young people'? The hell you are. Pull yourself together, my good man, and stop spouting cant. Servers are supposed to be inconspicuous.

[removed identity of 103's priest]

[ 15. April 2005, 11:32: Message edited by: Alan Cresswell ]

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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

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Justinian
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# 5357

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quote:
103 wrote:
Just fuck off the lot of you, you are really annoying me you stupid little moaning fucks. I think I was right and none of you have the right to tell me that I wasn't. You weren't there, you aren't me!

I don't think anyone is saying that you didn't do the best you could given your obvious inexperience and under dificult circumstances. It is not that we are taking issue with- it is the pride with which you speak of driving away people from the Church.

If you think that driving someone away from the Church is anything other than a deeply regrettable event, I suggest you have a lot of soul-searching to do.

quote:
Oh! Go away!

[Paranoid]

-103

Grow up you irritating little squit. If you really don't want to read this thread then don't. If you don't want to be targetted in Hell, either don't post or think before posting.

quote:
WTF?!?!? Oh you can go away too!

-103

Advice to man at bottom of hole: Stop Digging!

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My real name consists of just four letters, but in billions of combinations.

Eudaimonaic Laughter - my blog.

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The Alchemist
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# 2178

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quote:
Originally posted by Gort:
I am of the opinion that the moment the eucharist touches the lips of an unbeliever it becomes plain ole bread and wine.

Ah but does it make any difference *which* set of lip it touches?
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GreyFace
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# 4682

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quote:
Originally posted by Gort:
quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
Do I want to know what a "cooch" is?

It's what I lie on while watching TV.
It's Geordie for "couch". You really should get oot an aboot in the country a bit more, Pyx_e.
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Ultraspike

Incensemeister
# 268

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No, y'all, a cooch is a twat. I don't think Gort has a twat tho he could pass for the Hoochie Coochie Man.
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012

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Picks up toasting fork

Mentioning names of non-shipmates (e.g. someone's priest), or pointing out which church someone goes to is very off-limits, Amos.

Likewise, when planning raids on other peoples' churches, subtitles indicating its jokey status should probably be added, for the hard of humour.

Sarkycow, hellhost

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
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quote:
Originally posted by 103 (One-O-Three):
Just fuck off the lot of you, you are really annoying me you stupid little moaning fucks. I think I was right and none of you have the right to tell me that I wasn't. You weren't there, you aren't me!
-103

No. It's not much fun being publicly upbraided for one's behaviour, is it?
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Ronja
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# 4693

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Especially when one was expecting to be praised for it.

I've read all nine (9) pages of this thread. It was kind of entertaining. [Paranoid]

Oh well, at least I learned some new words which I sadly won't be able to use in conversation... And I noticed that Sarkycow is extremely close to 8000 posts!

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Sioni Sais
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# 5713

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quote:
Originally posted by Sarkycow:
Picks up toasting fork

Mentioning names of non-shipmates (e.g. someone's priest), or pointing out which church someone goes to is very off-limits, Amos.

Likewise, when planning raids on other peoples' churches, subtitles indicating its jokey status should probably be added, for the hard of humour.

Sarkycow, hellhost

FWIW, I'd like to add something.

Flaming is something we have all seen online, even on this "Christian" Website.

Threatening a RL raid on someone's church is another matter. I wouldn't advise it. -103 lives in a rugby heartland amd I am sure he knows people who know people, if you get my drift.

In other words, don't go from on-line chat and banter into real life except, as with BDSM, fully consensually.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Peronel

The typo slayer
# 569

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quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:


Threatening a RL raid on someone's church is another matter. I wouldn't advise it. -103 lives in a rugby heartland amd I am sure he knows people who know people, if you get my drift.


RL raid??? Um, didn't the Zorro references hint that I might not be entirely serious?

Peronel.

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Lord, I have sinned, and mine iniquity.
Deserves this hell; yet Lord deliver me.

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Sioni Sais
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# 5713

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quote:
Originally posted by Peronel:
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:


Threatening a RL raid on someone's church is another matter. I wouldn't advise it. -103 lives in a rugby heartland amd I am sure he knows people who know people, if you get my drift.


RL raid??? Um, didn't the Zorro references hint that I might not be entirely serious?

Peronel.

Ok, you know it's a joke and it looks like one to me but does it look like a joke to -103?

So long as -103 is under no misapprehensions that would be OK, but from his posts I suspect he ain't comfortable at all.

A lot of people are making play of -103 being nowt but a kid then they give him a good shoeing. On-line child abuse, no?

[edited: re our knowing it's a joke]

[ 15. April 2005, 12:34: Message edited by: Sioni Sais ]

--------------------
"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Max.
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# 5846

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I'm sorry that I came across as rude, whiny and immature in this discussion, and I apologise for my part in raising the heat here.

I don't feel that the discussion of the ebay badness will be helped by any further discussion of my actions, and to that end I am now withdrawing from the thread.

Enjoy the discussion guys.
Goodbye

-103

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For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.

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Amos

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# 44

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quote:
Originally posted by Sarkycow:
Picks up toasting fork

Mentioning names of non-shipmates (e.g. someone's priest), or pointing out which church someone goes to is very off-limits, Amos.

Likewise, when planning raids on other peoples' churches, subtitles indicating its jokey status should probably be added, for the hard of humour.

Sarkycow, hellhost

I apologize: of course it is off-limits. (If only 103 hadn't told us so often on the former MW Board which church he goes to: it seemed almost like part of the Ship's folklore--but that's no excuse, and I should have known better. Again, I apologize. I fucked up.)

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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012

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I shall use my 8000th post to say (as a shipmate):

Two sincere and open apologies in a row? Life is special [Biased]

And that puts both matters out of play now, since Amos has stopped naming-and-shaming, and 103 has withdrawn as gracefully and maturely as possible.

So, did we ever find out what a cooch is? And what does happen if you munch on Jesus whilst having the wrong attitude or beliefs?

Sarkycow, shipmate

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

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Linguo

Ship's grammar robot
# 7220

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I received in an Anglo-Catholic church once. My head didn't explode, but I did get a cold later that week...
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Peronel

The typo slayer
# 569

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quote:
Originally posted by Sarkycow:


So, did we ever find out what a cooch is?


I thought it was a type of shell. Or is that a conch? Either way, it's a bad place to put Jesus.

(103 - handsomely said. Happy to consider the subject of your church and that incident dropped)

--------------------
Lord, I have sinned, and mine iniquity.
Deserves this hell; yet Lord deliver me.

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Amazing Grace*

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# 4754

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quote:
Originally posted by Sarkycow:
So, did we ever find out what a cooch is?

My understanding is:

Cooch (US) = fanny (UK)

Gort seems to interpret it as = fanny (US) = bum (UK) but my mileage varies.

Charlotte

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.sig on vacation

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Sioni Sais
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# 5713

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It doesn't look like the American meaning has crossed the pond, from the nickname of this fearsome bit of kit. OK for the office, so long as you don't have a dress/beauty code.

Glad to see peace has returned [Overused]

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Paige
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# 2261

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Here in the good ol' American South, "fanny" refers to your derriere, backside, butt, gluteus maximus, or whatever term you prefer for that part of you that covers the seat of a chair.

"Fanny" as a term for female genitalia is a new one on me. I learn a lot here. [Yipee]

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Sister Jackhammer of Quiet Reflection

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Fiddleback
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# 2809

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The late Zsa Zsa Gabor once caused much unintended mirth on a British chat show by referring several times to her 'enormous fanny'.
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Amazing Grace*

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# 4754

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quote:
Originally posted by Fiddleback:
The late Zsa Zsa Gabor once caused much unintended mirth on a British chat show by referring several times to her 'enormous fanny'.

I imagine she would have!

(The US use is quite innocuous and is definitely chat-show legal.)

Charlotte

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.sig on vacation

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The Riv
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# 3553

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Isn't 'Cooch' what the Scottish people call the usually non-playing member of their football (soccer) teams? The person who develops team strategies and runs work-out and practice sessions?

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"I don't know whether I like it, but it's what I meant." Ralph Vaughan Williams

"Riv, you've done a much better job communicating your passion than your point. I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about." Tom Clune

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Ultraspike

Incensemeister
# 268

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No, fanny in the UK means cooch or twat (or vagina for those that still don't get it) in the US. Twat in the UK means twit tho, so it gets complicated.

I was recently subdeacon at high mass and noticed as I received the chalice that a small section of the priest's host had stuck to the base of the chalice. I was tempted to run after the deacon and demand that it be consumed immediately but decided against it in the interest of decorum. I am enough of a spike to wonder what happened to it and did actually go back after Mass and make sure it wasn't lying on the floor somewhere, but then I realized that "it's all good" and Jesus would surely find Himself at home wherever He wound up. [Big Grin]

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A cowgirl's work is never done.

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Linguo

Ship's grammar robot
# 7220

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quote:
Originally posted by Amazing Grace:
quote:
Originally posted by Fiddleback:
The late Zsa Zsa Gabor once caused much unintended mirth on a British chat show by referring several times to her 'enormous fanny'.

I imagine she would have!

(The US use is quite innocuous and is definitely chat-show legal.)

Charlotte

I find it one of those cross-pond variations which, even though I know about it in theory, always brings me up short. Like Lynette on Desperate Housewives yelling to her three boys "Get your fannies in here!" It just sounds utterly wrong. [Ultra confused]
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Fiddleback
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# 2809

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Another legendary televisual moment was when Ur-TV chef Fanny Craddock concluded her program in customary manner by wheeling on her brow-beaten husband Johnny to give his final verdict. "Mmmm", exorted Johnny,"I hope all your apple turnovers turn out like fannies". I think he had been waiting for years for that opprtunity. The show was axed soon after that.

[ 15. April 2005, 15:57: Message edited by: Fiddleback ]

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Pyx_e

Quixotic Tilter
# 57

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quote:
Originally posted by Amazing Grace:
quote:
Originally posted by Sarkycow:
So, did we ever find out what a cooch is?

My understanding is:

Cooch (US) = fanny (UK)

Gort seems to interpret it as = fanny (US) = bum (UK) but my mileage varies.

Charlotte

What a bunch of bastards you are, I believed you when you told me you sat on the cooch. I was just about to ask Kelly if she had a 2 man or a 3 man cooch.

P

[ 15. April 2005, 16:11: Message edited by: Pyx_e ]

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It is better to be Kind than right.

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Spike

Mostly Harmless
# 36

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quote:
Originally posted by Fiddleback:
Another legendary televisual moment was when Ur-TV chef Fanny Craddock concluded her program in customary manner by wheeling on her brow-beaten husband Johnny to give his final verdict. "Mmmm", exorted Johnny,"I hope all your apple turnovers turn out like fannies". I think he had been waiting for years for that opprtunity. The show was axed soon after that.

Apple turnovers? I thought it was referring to fishcakes.

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"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing

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Fiddleback
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# 2809

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Sorry, you're right. Fishcakes. Johnny was very wicked. I believe he got three of his fingers broken after the show.
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Hooker's Trick

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# 89

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quote:
Originally posted by Gort:
I am of the opinion that the moment the eucharist touches the lips of an unbeliever it becomes plain ole bread and wine.

Actually I was under the impression that if the Sacred Species touched the lips of an unbeliever they turned into bloody flesh.

No?

This whole thread was almost worth it for "crumbs in your cooch", but definitely worth it for Zsa Zsa's enormous fanny.

(Teaching John Cleland's Fanny Hill isn't half so much fun when your undergraduates don't get the joke in the title).

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Nightlamp
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# 266

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quote:
Originally posted by 103 (One-O-Three):
This thread is getting stupid now from "eeeuuuughhh - Blasphemous Desecration on Ebay" to "Is 103 an absolute bastard and will he go to hell when he dies?" to "Let's call 103 a schoolboy and debate whether he is in high school or not"

This thread has gone onto a meg@ tangent which is just stupid now.


We have to ask ourselves which idiot started this tangent.

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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp

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The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638

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quote:
Originally posted by Paige:
"Fanny" as a term for female genitalia is a new one on me. I learn a lot here. [Yipee]

Why do you think Brits always laugh when, instead of referring to bumbags, Americans talk about putting things in their "fanny-packs"? [Killing me]

A friend of mine was visiting her sister in New York, and, at the airport, asked for directions to the toilet. The man she asked looked at her as thought she'd just farted, and said "you mean the bathroom?" She replied "No, I mean the toilet - I don't want a bath", then he laughed and said she was cute and that he had a great main to slap her on her fanny. She was mortified until she told her sister later on what had happened, and had explained to her that he meant her bum.

[ 15. April 2005, 17:29: Message edited by: Back-to-Front ]

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If Christ is not fully human, humankind is not fully saved. - St John of Saint-Denis

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The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638

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quote:
Originally posted by Back-to-Front:
...then he laughed and said she was cute and that he had a great main to slap her on her fanny.

"a great mind", even.

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If Christ is not fully human, humankind is not fully saved. - St John of Saint-Denis

Posts: 14741 | From: Greater Manchester, UK | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638

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I'm sorry for a third post, but this has just dawned on me. Do you mean that there may have been people who have been reading all of this thread, who have seen the references to people nicking hosts and inserting them into their fannies as meaning that they were shoving them up their arses? [Killing me]

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If Christ is not fully human, humankind is not fully saved. - St John of Saint-Denis

Posts: 14741 | From: Greater Manchester, UK | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28

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well i do know that fanny in the uk means twat, but even so reading about sticking things up it lead to some... unusual mental images.

this is a great thread all around. may i suggest it be imortalized in limbo eventually?

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On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!

Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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Back to Front: certainly! [Hot and Hormonal]

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Living in Gin

Liturgical Pyromaniac
# 2572

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quote:
Originally posted by Back-to-Front:
A friend of mine was visiting her sister in New York, and, at the airport, asked for directions to the toilet. The man she asked looked at her as thought she'd just farted, and said "you mean the bathroom?" She replied "No, I mean the toilet - I don't want a bath", then he laughed and said she was cute and that he had a great main to slap her on her fanny. She was mortified until she told her sister later on what had happened, and had explained to her that he meant her bum.

She should have asked him if he could spare a fag. [Big Grin]

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It's all fun and games until somebody gets burned at the stake.

Posts: 1893 | From: Cincinnati, USA | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
Siegfried
Ship's ferret
# 29

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quote:
Originally posted by Back-to-Front:
I'm sorry for a third post, but this has just dawned on me. Do you mean that there may have been people who have been reading all of this thread, who have seen the references to people nicking hosts and inserting them into their fannies as meaning that they were shoving them up their arses? [Killing me]

I figured it was for those Black Magicians how preferred to enter from the rear. *shrug*

Sieg

Posts: 5592 | From: Tallahassee, FL USA | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Amazing Grace*

Shipmate
# 4754

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quote:
Originally posted by Back-to-Front:
I'm sorry for a third post, but this has just dawned on me. Do you mean that there may have been people who have been reading all of this thread, who have seen the references to people nicking hosts and inserting them into their fannies as meaning that they were shoving them up their arses? [Killing me]

That, or exerting a certain degree of muscle control holding it between their nether cheeks!

Charlotte

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.sig on vacation

Posts: 2594 | From: Sittin' by the dock of the [SF] bay | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged
The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638

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So that's how th nuns who make them get them so flat!

Mother Superior: and knead and clench and knead and clench and knead...

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If Christ is not fully human, humankind is not fully saved. - St John of Saint-Denis

Posts: 14741 | From: Greater Manchester, UK | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Amazing Grace*

Shipmate
# 4754

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quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
quote:
Originally posted by Amazing Grace:
quote:
Originally posted by Sarkycow:
So, did we ever find out what a cooch is?

My understanding is:

Cooch (US) = fanny (UK)

Gort seems to interpret it as = fanny (US) = bum (UK) but my mileage varies.


What a bunch of bastards you are, I believed you when you told me you sat on the cooch. I was just about to ask Kelly if she had a 2 man or a 3 man cooch.
*A-hem*

*coff*

Charlotte

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.sig on vacation

Posts: 2594 | From: Sittin' by the dock of the [SF] bay | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged
The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638

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nuff said.

Just how precise are you with that thing, and could you have saved me shaving down there earlier on?

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If Christ is not fully human, humankind is not fully saved. - St John of Saint-Denis

Posts: 14741 | From: Greater Manchester, UK | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Gracious rebel

Rainbow warrior
# 3523

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quote:
Originally posted by Back-to-Front:
I'm sorry for a third post, but this has just dawned on me. Do you mean that there may have been people who have been reading all of this thread, who have seen the references to people nicking hosts and inserting them into their fannies as meaning that they were shoving them up their arses? [Killing me]

And who better than someone with a screen name of Back-to-Front to point this out?!!
[Snigger]

[ 15. April 2005, 20:24: Message edited by: Gracious rebel ]

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Fancy a break beside the sea in Suffolk? Visit my website

Posts: 4413 | From: Suffolk UK | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638

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Quite.

I use the same name on (cough) another website, not just for the Raggy Doll allusion. [Biased]

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If Christ is not fully human, humankind is not fully saved. - St John of Saint-Denis

Posts: 14741 | From: Greater Manchester, UK | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged



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