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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: SoF Idol
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
Sine's angling wasn't accompanied by an offer of chocolate or gin or a massage given by Raoul the cabana boy.
{Edit: dang, top of the page for the second time today. I must be livin' wrong.}
[ 11. March 2005, 18:37: Message edited by: RuthW ]
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
OK, Leftie. It's just you and me, Toots. No more Mr. Nice Guy.
You have a nice side? ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
All you've seen so far is the nice side. That's fixin' to change.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
You don't scare me.
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Actually, I'm still waiting for the entertainment we were promised by Belisarius.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
Well, make yourself useful and pour us a Gin while we wait.
Starting slow hand clap
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Actually, I'm still waiting for the entertainment we were promised by Belisarius.
Well, I could always ask Cliff if he could come back and sing you another song.
( Ducks, as flying missiles and rotten tomatoes rain down........ )
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Per the entertainment--we've had one performance already (two if you count Chorister, but those didn't look like official Contestant posts); up to 9 performances await.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
I'm preparing, 'k?
Sheesh. You post one or two mildly entertaining things and then the pressure to perform is on and then there's a fast, ugly descent into prescription drug abuse and a police record, and oh, it's all so sad!
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Goldfish Stew
Shipmate
# 5512
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Posted
While there's a pause in proceedings kinkyoldfish shoves 2 security guards out of the way and bursts out onto the performance stage.
Posted in the Styx, 3 hours and 21 minutes after starting the "Goodbye" thread
Sheesh, I came back to check my PM's in case anyone had apologised and glanced at this thread to see if you had all been shamed into repentance. Instead there is just this cheery back-slapping and generalised hip-hip-hooray atmosphere.
I'm not going to stand for it. You're all very horrible to me and I know that I'm right. This time I mean it - DO YOU HEAR ME? - I'm not ever coming back here.
Kinky
ps. quote:
Originally posted by Pox_y:
I'll run the book on this one. Place your bets please ladies and gentlemen.
What on earth do you mean?
=======================================
As kinkyoldfish runs off a shipmate jumps up in the audience dancing and singing waving a betting slip with the words "3 hours and 21 minutes" on it.
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Posts: 2405 | From: Aotearoa/New Zealand | Registered: Feb 2004
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
I'm waiting for someone to have a wardrobe malfunction.
You want me to rip off Sine's shirt and reveal his nipple?
[ 15. March 2005, 04:05: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Flausa
Mad Woman
# 3466
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Posted
He only has one? ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Posts: 4610 | From: bonny Scotland | Registered: Oct 2002
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Goldfish Stew
Shipmate
# 5512
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Posted
Of course not, silly. Sine would rather die than be restricted to having only one shirt.
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Posts: 2405 | From: Aotearoa/New Zealand | Registered: Feb 2004
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
You want me to rip off Sine's shirt and reveal his nipple?
Let's not and say we did.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Ah, I see from all this posturing of revealed nipples that we have reached the Swimming Costume round. I will thus post my charming entry for all to see:
tada!
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
(Exchange between LATA and myself on the SoF Idol Poll thread now deleted:)
LATA: "Vote for me! I represent the glamorous face of nationalism."
Me: "With an avatar like that?"
LATA: "You should see me in a swimsuit."
So, deliver. ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
[ 15. March 2005, 18:38: Message edited by: Ariel ]
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169
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Posted
quote:
Ruth's pretty much as I imagined her, but not Sine...
Yes, but that picture was made before he started wearing his hair shorter.
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Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.
Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
(Exchange between LATA and myself on the SoF Idol Poll thread now deleted:)
LATA: "Vote for me! I represent the glamorous face of nationalism."
Me: "With an avatar like that?"
LATA: "You should see me in a swimsuit."
So, deliver.
I'm on the left (as ever)
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
I see you're wearing thongs.
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Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
Well, the Runner-Up Spectacular turned out to be one of the more anti-climactic events in the history of the Heaven Board. Apologies from SoF Idol.
But now...
THE FINAL CHALLENGE
Each Finalist will respond to the following...
Simon has won the Lottery and, after returning from some decadent vacation spot, will be revamping the Ship of Fools Web Site. What three changes or innovations would you suggest? There are only two restrictions:
- They must be technologically accessible to the average Internet User.
- They must not get Ship of Fools into non-frivolous legal difficulties.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
Oh, goody. Spending someone else's money. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
Righto.
(1) Simon, in the spirit of inclusiveness, will dictate that a new board be established for Heathens of all types. It will be known as "Doomed". On this board, there will be support groups (Help! I'm lost), rampant evangalising (Help is Here!) and depravity, the likes of which have not been seen since the last T'n'T thread.
(2) Rook in bunny ears will form the photograph for the next Caption Contest.
(3) Mystery Worshippers will have all-expenses paid trips to the destinations of their choice to review services there.
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
Sine's entry will be ready just as soon as someone writes it for him. ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif) Stay tuned.
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
I didn't get it together in time for the Runners-up Show, but while we're waiting for Sine to get his entry ghostwritten, here's my proposal for what Simon should do to improve the Ship.
All hosts and admins should have access to a download that reconfigures some of the function keys at the top of the keyboard so that each one is programmed with a useful macro; the number would correspond with the relevant Ship's commandment. Instead of having to type variations on what are after all essentially the same few warnings again and again, we'd be able to post each of these hostly admonitions with a single keystroke.
F1 - Don't be a jerk.
Look, you probably knew you shouldn't have posted that, but you went ahead and did it anyway, and you've made Jesus sad.
F2 - Engage brain before posting your message.
Step 1. Verify that you're breathing. Preferably not through your mouth.
Step 2. Verify that you're awake. Posting after 24 continuous hours awake is not advised.
Step 3. Verify that you're sober. If you shouldn't drive, you shouldn't post.
F3 - Attack the issue, not the person.
How hard is this to figure out? It's all in how you word the post.
Acceptable: Your argument is a worthless, no-good piece of shit.
Not acceptable: You are a worthless, no-good piece of shit.
F4 - If you must get personal, take it to Hell.
The Hellhosts and the denizens await you with open arms. Open mouths, too.
F6 - Respect the hosts.
Because they work for free, and because if you don't, the admins will take over, and they're all burnt-out hosts only a step away from going berserk and taking hostages at the next shipmeet and blowing them all away before being brought down in a hail of police gunfire. And you don't want that on your conscience, do you?
F8 - Don't crusade.
Step away from the pulpit. If we wanted crusading, we'd call Billy Graham.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
Now, if Sine were to post "What RuthW said", he wouldn't have to laboriously cut and paste from his other thread.
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Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
He'd have to get both Simon's and my permission. Mine will be extremely expensive, I assure you.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Rossweisse
High Church Valkyrie
# 2349
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Posted
Ruth, I think it's a shame you went back to hosting before you could win this contest. That was terrific.
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I'm not dead yet.
Posts: 15117 | From: Valhalla | Registered: Feb 2002
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
I still blame the man who tossed me out of the competition, that worthless, no-good piece of ... Oh. Sorry, Belisarius. ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
(Thanks, Rossweisse!)
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Well, after much thought, prayer, and cheating, here are my own unworthy suggestions:
Compulsory Preview Post
As soon as you hit "Add Reply" you would go to automatic preview post. It would correct all spelling, grammar and punctuation whether you liked it or not. It would automatically delete the Forbidden Words (like GIN, Gene, cashews, Robinson, or "coolers"). If you’re posting in Purgatory it would delete at random 2/3rds of your post, since the sense of the post, or lack thereof, usually would not be affected.
The Get a Life Filter
After your 10th post in a day you would automatically be locked out for the next 24 hours. It would not allow two different log-ins from the same computer, ‘cause I worry about those husbands and wives around here who aren’t relating to each other face-to-face. You would be automatically thrown overboard after 5000 posts because you've doubtlessly said everything you had to say, which probably wasn't very much to begin with.
The Jesus Wept Screensaver
Whenever someone is preparing to post something mean, intolerant, smug or self-righteous, the screen would lock up for 90 seconds while a digital image of the Shroud of Turin appears with the motto WWJP? (What Would Jesus Post?) underneath it to give time for reflection. If poster still chooses to post, an image of an alligator would appear with the motto FUCKTARD under it.
…as an extra bonus suggestion, I still rather like my idea of being able to see what shipmates look like naked when you hold the cursor over their avatar.
[ 26. March 2005, 09:34: Message edited by: Sine Nomine ]
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Rossweisse:
Ruth, I think it's a shame you went back to hosting before you could win this contest. That was terrific.
...and by the way, I agree whole-heartedly with this sentiment. But then I'm sure Sister Ruth has such a rich, full life she has no need of a bobble-head Jesus to validate her self-worth.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
all good ideas, I'm sure, but we can't let Simon get away with keeping all the rest of the money, can we?
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
Hooray. Good effort Sine.
Now just off to do some exercise so that I don't look too bad for my new nudie avatar.
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
But then I'm sure Sister Ruth has such a rich, full life she has no need of a bobble-head Jesus to validate her self-worth.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif) I like people to think that, anyway.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
IT WAS CLOSE, BUT
WITH 47% OF THE VOTE, THE FIRST RUNNER UP IS...
MAKING THE WINNER...
CONGRATULATIONS!
[ 02. April 2005, 05:58: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Your Majesty, Members of the Nobel Committee, Brothers and Sisters.
I am very happy to be here with you today to receive the Nobel Prize for Peace. I feel honored, humbled and deeply moved that you should give this important prize to a simple monk from Tibet I am no one special. But I believe the prize is a recognition of the true value of altruism, love, compassion and non-violence which I try to practice, in accordance with the teachings of the Buddha and the great sages of India and Tibet
I accept the prize with profound gratitude on behalf of the oppressed everywhere and for all those who struggle for freedom and work for world peace...
Oops. Sorry. Wrong Speech...just a moment...
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
To my good friend and great Republican, Dick Nixon, and your charming wife, Pat; my running mate and that wonderful Republican who has served us well for so long, Bill Miller and his wife, Stephanie; to Thurston Morton who has done such a commendable job in chairmaning this Convention; to Mr. Herbert Hoover, who I hope is watching; and to that great American and his wife, General and Mrs. Eisenhower; to my own wife, my family, and to all of my fellow Republicans here assembled, and Americans across this great Nation.
From this moment, united and determined, we will go forward together, dedicated to the ultimate and undeniable greatness of the whole man. Together we will win.
I accept your nomination with a deep sense of humility...
Nope. Not that one either.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
Well, I'd just like to say Congratulations to Sine and thank you to the 28 people who voted for me (well, 27, because it's a it's a tad silly to thank myself). I am truly humbled.
And, you know what? I think I'll go out and get myself a bobble head Jesus anyway.
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Aw, to heck with it. Everybody just write you own. I mean, we're all winners here.
So when do I get the bh Jesus, Bel?
[ 01. April 2005, 20:58: Message edited by: Sine Nomine ]
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
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Posted
I have to see where on the archived polls it was specifically promised, as it wasn't on this thread.
(As if I can get away with not sending one now--you are good.)
Speaking as someone who wussed out and didn't vote this round, well done both of you.
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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Right, time to cash in. Let's see: that'll be £2.50 in Patagonian dollars, 3 cashmere jumpers in assorted colours, and a complete Victorian dinner service ... OK, throw in a china pig and we'll call it quits. Thanking you in anticipation, nice to have done business with you, Mr Nomine, and be sure to let me know if you need any more votes in future contests.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Really, Ariel, I think a PM would have been more appropriate.
I don't actually have a china pig. Would you be willing to take my brother?
I think it's a rather interesting Lesson in Life that cheaters do in fact prosper. In this world at least.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Glimmer
Ship's Lantern
# 4540
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Posted
Congratulations to everyone who came either First or Close Second. It was an entertaining intercourse of speedy wit and, I dare say, a refreshing change from the usual salty sea-dog, lower-deck lawyer, make-something-out-of-nothing nonsense that passes for intellectual 'debate' on the SOF. This has been a Masterclass (in making something out of nothing).
In generations of Shipmates to come, when this thread is mentioned, I can say with a wry knowing almost-smile, "I was there".
Seriously, well done LatA and Sine. ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
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The original, unchanged 4540.
The Temple area, Ankh Morpork
Posts: 1749 | From: Ankh Morpork, Dorset | Registered: May 2003
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
Well done both of you ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
It was just so close; like I always knew it would be. You were both such wonderful posters, with the ability to expertly judge the tone and content of the necessary post, and precisely pick out the particular words to you.
You've both been fabulous throughout the contest. Thank you for your efforts, sweethearts.
Sarkycow, judge
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
I don't mean to complain. Really I don't. But I was just out to dinner sitting next a rather attractive man who is a doctor. (Actually he's a shrink and I'm sure it was just coincidence I was next to him.)
In any case, trying to strike up a conversation and make myself more interesting in his eyes I mentioned, just in passing mind you (not being boastful by nature), that I was Ship of Fools Idol.
He said "Huh?" and then asked the waitron for another Diet Coke.
So I mean like, is this all there is?
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
Sine, darling. I seem to recall some bloke telling people something along the lines of:
quote:
You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand of those who love me and keep my commandments.
He must have found you a little false.
Never mind.
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
But I so wanted to share my bobble head with him.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
Maybe you should have shown it to him over dinner. Describing it just doesn't have the same effect.
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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