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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Poking fun at the (linguistically) handicapped
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Linguo
Ship's grammar robot
# 7220
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Posted
My mother once heard a very young priest telling the congo how "Jesus farted forty days in the wilderness". The tragedy was that nobody had noticed until he corrected himself...
Posts: 997 | From: around and about the place | Registered: May 2004
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Wet Kipper
Circus Runaway
# 1654
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Posted
My boss keeps talking about something "as apposed to" something else.....
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- insert randomly chosen, potentially Deep and Meaningful™ song lyrics here -
Posts: 9841 | From: further up the Hill | Registered: Nov 2001
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
If we're allowed to include Mothers, many of whom seem to gain a particular number of linguistic oddities about the same time they stop producing colostrum, we have:
War and Far for Wire and Fire
Brought for Bought (owing to repeated corrections by over zealous children, she now emphasises the word "bought" to show she now says it correctly)
Obsroclous for Obstreperous
Cold Slaw. I loved that one. Well, you keep it in the fridge; it is cold, isn't it?
And the answer to many questions as a child was "It awe depends".
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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Karin 3
Shipmate
# 3474
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Posted
Your poor mum, Karl. I thought it was meant to be the other way round, although I've tried to restrain those tendencies so as not to sap my kids' confidence as they learnt to speak.
A classic the other day was a customer telling me how much she was enjoying listening to Bercause (like because with an "r"). It transpierd it was Berceuse. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Inspiration to live more generously, ethically and sustainably
Posts: 417 | From: South East England | Registered: Oct 2002
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Matt Black
Shipmate
# 2210
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Posted
On the pronunciation front, one that really annoys me is 'vunnrible' for vulnerable.
Matt
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"Protestant and Reformed, according to the Tradition of the ancient Catholic Church" - + John Cosin (1594-1672)
Posts: 14304 | From: Hampshire, UK | Registered: Jan 2002
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dogwatch
Shipmate
# 5226
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Posted
Mrs Dogwatch, who is slightly dyslexic, has a way with malapropisms, some of which have passed into the family vocabulary, rather like examples from the recent thread on the development of language in small children.
Among her best are "hunchback" for a 5-door car and "laptop dancer" for an employee in a men's club.
A propos the dyslexia, she once phoned BT's directory enquiries and asked for the number of the British Dyslexia Association. The BT employee asked, "Can you spell that?" You can imagine the answer.
Dogwatch
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"There is nothing - absolutely nothing - half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats."
Posts: 83 | From: Wrecked at Ezion Geber | Registered: Nov 2003
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dorothea
Goodwife and low church mystic
# 4398
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Posted
When encountering this degree of pedantry, it heartens me to recall that Shakespeare had problems spelling his name.
You poor, poor babes.
J
![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
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Protestant head? Catholic Heart?
http://joansbitsandpieces.blogspot.com/
Posts: 1581 | From: Notlob City Limits | Registered: Apr 2003
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Matt Black
Shipmate
# 2210
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Posted
'Substantial' and 'substantive' confusion is another bugbear of mine
Matt
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"Protestant and Reformed, according to the Tradition of the ancient Catholic Church" - + John Cosin (1594-1672)
Posts: 14304 | From: Hampshire, UK | Registered: Jan 2002
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
Don't forget "relative" and "relevant".
Number of times I've been told that a particular seminar is relative to my job...
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Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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dogwatch
Shipmate
# 5226
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by dorothea:
When encountering this degree of pedantry, it heartens me to recall that Shakespeare had problems spelling his name.
Indeed - but I'll bet he knew how to pronounce it.
I had a BBC researcher phone me once to ask about my company's directors' "renumeration".
Hogwash? Dogsbreath?
No, Dogwatch
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"There is nothing - absolutely nothing - half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats."
Posts: 83 | From: Wrecked at Ezion Geber | Registered: Nov 2003
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Sparrow
Shipmate
# 2458
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Matt Black:
On the pronunciation front, one that really annoys me is 'vunnrible' for vulnerable.
Matt
Mine is "deteriate" for deteriorate - even heard it said that way by an announcer on the BBC 6pm news!
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For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life,nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Posts: 3149 | From: Bottom right hand corner of the UK | Registered: Mar 2002
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by dorothea:
When encountering this degree of pedantry, it heartens me to recall that Shakespeare had problems spelling his name.
As I understand it, Shakespeare didn't have the idea that there was a "right" way to spell his name.
The idea of standardized spelling of names appears to have come later.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by m.t_tomb:
In response to my being selfish: 'You think the world evolves around you.'
Ah, but isn't this the point of this thread? We all wish the world around us would evolve... ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
Telling one on myself: though I do not do this when I 'hand write' letters, and normally catch the mistake if I type and then review anything in print, when I am posting on the Internet I often misspell words - or, more accurately, use the wrong form - if they sound alike. Typing "here" for "hear" is a common fault.
I made a huge blunder yesterday, when I was reading aloud from a theological work. The term used was 'living organisms'... the mistake I made with the second word probably means that this is one of those weeks when I'm finding my vowed celibacy difficult... ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
Have any of you heard people say 'acropolis' for 'apocalypse'? I know someone who does that all of the time. (I never heard of 'pacific' for 'specific' until I read this thread. Yet the priests among us have undoubtedly heard people say they wanted to 'make concession'... indeed, concession often is exactly what must be on their minds.)
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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Matt Black
Shipmate
# 2210
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Posted
'Respectfully' for 'respectively'
Matt
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"Protestant and Reformed, according to the Tradition of the ancient Catholic Church" - + John Cosin (1594-1672)
Posts: 14304 | From: Hampshire, UK | Registered: Jan 2002
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sparrow:
Mine is "deteriate" for deteriorate - even heard it said that way by an announcer on the BBC 6pm news!
I worked at a TV station for a while, and became convinced that the folks in our news department went into TV journalism rather than print because they couldn't read or write. ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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Atmospheric Skull
Antlered Bone-Visage
# 4513
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Posted
Along the lines of Jajehu's "claret" experience:
ME: [To assistant in supermarket] Excuse me, where do you keep your humous?
HIM: Our...
ME: Houmous.
HIM: Oh, the humorous. It's just over here, sir.
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Surrealistic Mystic.
Posts: 371 | From: Bristol, UK | Registered: May 2003
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
If I read or hear one more person using "specie" as the singular of "species", or "phenomena" or "bacteria" as singulars, I shall probably blow a vessel.
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Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
I grew up calling parmesan cheese "par-MEE-zhun," as that's how my parents pronounced it. When a neighbor gave us some eggplant parmesan, we asked what the dish was called, and mom didn't understand her pronunciation of "Eggplant PAR-mi-zhan." When my mom wrote down the recipe later, she named the dish "Eggplant Pommijohn."
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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Linguo
Ship's grammar robot
# 7220
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
If I read or hear one more person using "specie" as the singular of "species", or "phenomena" or "bacteria" as singulars, I shall probably blow a vessel.
Quite. And 'criterias' makes me want to kill someone...
Posts: 997 | From: around and about the place | Registered: May 2004
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ORGANMEISTER
Shipmate
# 6621
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Posted
I keep seeing memos from the church office addressed to the "Alter Guild"
Posts: 3162 | From: Somerset, PA - USA | Registered: May 2004
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Captain Caveman
Shipmate
# 3980
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Posted
Most people seem to be incapable of using the word 'fewer', replacing it with 'less'.
When I was about seven my teacher pointed to a picture on the classroom wall and said it was a typical street scene. "Now does anyone know what 'typical' means?". Little Caveman put his hand up and said, "It means when something's not very good." To my great disbelief I was told I was wrong. But that was how I had always heard the word used. "Oh that's just typical!"
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"Take this shirt
Polyester white trash made in nowhere
Take this shirt and make it clean" - U2
Posts: 519 | Registered: Jan 2003
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
I don't know if this still is popular, but, in the days when I worked for the Roman Catholics, it was common to see reports such as "bishops and superiors to dialogue." Or to hear 'we dialogued.'
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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Presleyterian
Shipmate
# 1915
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Posted
Mark me down as a hater of:
- Feb-yoo-ary;
- supposably, rather that supposedly; and
- the misused reflexive, e.g., "Who was at the meeting? John, Mary, and myself."
And here's where I confess that for years I thought the phrase was "Don't take me for granite."
Posts: 2450 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2001
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melliethepooh
Shipmate
# 8762
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Posted
is it feb-ru-rary or feb-ru-ary or feb-u-ary or what? I've heard it pronounced as many ways as possible and none more often than the other.
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"You can't go out right now."
"And yet I'm going. You're thinking of a cult. You can't get up and leave a cult."
Posts: 218 | Registered: Nov 2004
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Siena
Ship's Bluestocking
# 5574
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Posted
For years, I put folded garments into my "chester drawers" instead of my "chest of drawers."
And a secretary in our office painstaking typed a very detailed "foyer" request to a government agency, instead of a FOIA request - then told me she'd been doing it that way for years, and no one had ever said anything. ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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The lives of Christ's poor people are starved and stunted; their wages are low; their houses often bad and insanitary and their minds full of darkness and despair. These are the real disorders of the Church. Charles Marson
Posts: 709 | From: San Diego, California, USA | Registered: Feb 2004
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Boopy
Shipmate
# 4738
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amorya:
quote:
Originally posted by Boopy:
As the party season is nearly upon us I have noticed this year that more and more people seem to think that 'invite' is a noun. Aaarrgh.
It is... it's in the OED ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
n. invite
colloq.
[f. INVITE v.: cf. command, request, etc.]
1. The act of inviting; an invitation.
Amorya
Blast! Clearly one of those occasions when the OED is Plain Wrong.
At least they had the grace to agree it is a colloquialism.
Posts: 1170 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2003
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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by melliethepooh:
is it feb-ru-rary or feb-ru-ary or feb-u-ary or what? I've heard it pronounced as many ways as possible and none more often than the other.
Feb-ru-ary, the clue is in the spelling. I have recently noticed how many people mis-pronounce "Wednesday" as "Wensday".
Quite a few years ago I went to a library to find a book on origami. The assistant told me that there probably wasn't a book specifically about origami, but she would be able to get me one in which it was mention.
She got me a book on culinary herbs! She couldn't hear the difference between oregano and origami.
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
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Talitha
Shipmate
# 5085
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Posted
People mixing up horde and hoard. (OK, I suppose they both involve large quantities, but still.)
People saying "on X's behalf" instead of "on X's part". As in, "I thought that was really restrained on my behalf."
Posts: 554 | From: Cambridge, UK | Registered: Oct 2003
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by melliethepooh:
is it feb-ru-rary or feb-ru-ary or feb-u-ary or what?
"FEBry"
Anything else is affectation and over-compensation.
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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Laura
General nuisance
# 10
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Posted
I hate it when people say "he changed tact" instead of "tack".
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Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. - Erich Fromm
Posts: 16883 | From: East Coast, USA | Registered: Apr 2001
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Pob
Shipmate
# 8009
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Laura:
I hate it when people say "he changed tact" instead of "tack".
Oooh, I hate that too.
Or 'mind' instead of 'mine' - as in, 'He's a mind of useless information'.
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As the expensive swimming trunks, so my soul longs after you.
Posts: 738 | From: Gloucestershire, and jolly nice it is too | Registered: Jul 2004
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
Some people apparently don't know the difference between a sail boat and a sales quote!
I do...
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by babybear:
I have recently noticed how many people mis-pronounce "Wednesday" as "Wensday".
That is not mis-pronounced.
From Encarta: quote:
Wednes·day [ wénz dày, wénzdee ] (plural Wednes·days)
How would you pronounce "Wednesday"?
[Fixed code...pronounced "kōd"]
[ 17. December 2004, 19:10: Message edited by: KenWritez ]
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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jlg
What is this place?
Why am I here?
# 98
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Posted
Years ago I worked with a fellow who mangled expressions with amazing regularity, so much so that the rest of us began to compile the examples. The one that has stuck most firmly in my mind is "He did it in one file swoop."
Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001
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Foolhearty
Shipmate
# 6196
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Posted
Orientated, as in "The hikers used a compass to get orientated in the right direction."
Someone posted this above, but I have several students this term who are determined to make "supposably" a word.
And then there's one that's popular with the current POTUS: "Nu-cu-lar family."
But the thing that's driving me cuckoo professionally at the moment is the extent to which text-messaging language is now showing up in papers written for English comp.
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Fear doesn't empty tomorrow of its perils; it empties today of its power.
Posts: 2301 | From: Upper right-hand corner | Registered: May 2004
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Mamacita:
When my mom wrote down the recipe later, she named the dish "Eggplant Pommijohn."
Ah yes. Just let me know if you'd like a recipe for my aunt's profita rolls.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Pob
Shipmate
# 8009
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Posted
Turned up at a church party once, years back, where the hostess proudly announced she'd be serving 'tay-coss'.
She'd found a recipe for tacos, but it didn't have a pronunciation guide.
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As the expensive swimming trunks, so my soul longs after you.
Posts: 738 | From: Gloucestershire, and jolly nice it is too | Registered: Jul 2004
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Well, she could hardly be proud of serving up tackos, could she. What would people think.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
The number of people who confuse 'stationery' with 'stationary' is mind-boggling.
A few years ago, I was at a religious bookstore, looking for a book entitled "The Satisfied Life," which had to do with mediaeval mysticism. Apparently the bookseller was unfamiliar with the contents - it had been placed on the shelf in the "Human Sexuality" section.
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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Trudy Scrumptious
BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647
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Posted
A woman at church once told my father that her granddaughter had been given one of of those astromically correct dolls.
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Books and things.
I lied. There are no things. Just books.
Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004
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melliethepooh
Shipmate
# 8762
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jajehu:
Someone posted this above, but I have several students this term who are determined to make "supposably" a word.
hm, "supposably" is in my dictionary.
And so many words in English are spelled so weird that you certainly can't always assume the pronunciation is what you see on the page.
Posts: 218 | Registered: Nov 2004
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Foolhearty
Shipmate
# 6196
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Posted
You're right. I should have said, a word meaning something like "allegedly" or "presumably."
Sorry -- it's finals week and I'm rushed.
And short of sleep.
And losing my grip.
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Fear doesn't empty tomorrow of its perils; it empties today of its power.
Posts: 2301 | From: Upper right-hand corner | Registered: May 2004
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
More culinary notes.
People seem to think that when beef is served au jus, the name of the sauce is "au jus." In fact there's a TV ad for some fast food chain featuring a beef sandwich "served with au jus." When my dear mother-in-law would pass the gravy boat and say, "Who wants some au jus?" I'd have to stifle a giggle. She was also good at ordering a sandwich served on a CROY-sant.
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Balaam:
quote:
Originally posted by babybear:
I have recently noticed how many people mis-pronounce "Wednesday" as "Wensday".
That is not mis-pronounced.
From Encarta: quote:
Wednes·day [ wénz dày, wénzdee ] (plural Wednes·days)
How would you pronounce "Wednesday"?
Voe-tawn's dog (Wodansdag) when I'm Speaking Swedish or attempting German...
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Voe-tawn's dog (Wodansdag) when I'm Speaking Swedish or attempting German...
Actually in German it's just Mittwoch.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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melliethepooh
Shipmate
# 8762
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Posted
hugs (or hot chocolate if he's the kind of person who hits people who hug him) for Jajehu
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"You can't go out right now."
"And yet I'm going. You're thinking of a cult. You can't get up and leave a cult."
Posts: 218 | Registered: Nov 2004
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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Balaam:
quote:
Originally posted by babybear:
I have recently noticed how many people mis-pronounce "Wednesday" as "Wensday".
That is not mis-pronounced.
Fair enough, but it is a modern pronunciation. The word is Wed-nes-day. February is Feb-ru-ary and battery is bat-er-i, although bat-ri and Feb-ry are used by a lot of people.
The word 'knife' used to have the 'k' sounded, as was the 'b' in 'comb'. Pronounciation (& spelling) rules change over time.
English people have a habit of disgarding vowels. It is especially noticable when there are two vowels together. They also are very good at pronouncing 's' as 'z'.
I knew a guy from North Wales who han't come across the 'z' sound until he started speaking English. It wsan't a part of his 'automatic' sounds. At one stage he was researching a zinc works. He would call it the 'sink' works, except if he was really concentrating hard. "I am going to the (long pause) zzzzinc works today."
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Voe-tawn's dog (Wodansdag) when I'm Speaking Swedish or attempting German...
Actually in German it's just Mittwoch.
Ta, MT. I never studied German; Zeke sings in it though she is not fluent either. I was told at Cal that if you spoke German, Swedish was a mick (easy), so I took it for granted that there were some major similarities...
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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