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Source: (consider it) Thread: Heaven: Dear Sine...
Janine

The Endless Simmer
# 3337

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That's a pretty current adaptation of a mullet back there, hopelessly not quite achieved by a guy with too-straight, too-heavy hair.

(Unless you picked that one because it's exactly the sort of mullet the kid wants.)

Would more examples help?

There

You

Go

[ 25. October 2005, 11:23: Message edited by: Janine ]

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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *

Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Jack the Lass

Ship's airhead
# 3415

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If all else fails and you have to give in, you can comfort yourself with the thought that far from being the ultimate in naff, the mullet is, according to some, hairstyle of the gods.

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"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog

Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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You mean Jesus Had a Mullet??!!

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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.

Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged
Janine

The Endless Simmer
# 3337

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Y'all have inspired me.

I think I will go get a mullet.

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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *

Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

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Remember the mullet theme: "Business in the front, party in the back."

If he turn out to hate the thing, all you have to do is clip off the rear, and vwah-lah! Instant short front, sides and back.

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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Mamacita

Lakefront liberal
# 3659

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LATA, I detest mullets with a passion, so, believe me, I feel your pain. This is the kind of issue where I ask myself, "Is this the hill I want to die on?" I decided a long time ago that I would be relatively open-minded on matters of hair, clothing, etc, but would have certain non-negotiables. For example, my son, now 18, has a beard. I'm not crazy about it for school, but we have rules about keeping it clean, trimmed etc. I think that might be a reasonable approach to the mullet as well. And the less of a Big Deal™ you make of it, the faster it should pass.

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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460

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quote:
Originally posted by Mamacita:
I detest mullets with a passion,

A very acceptable fish in my experience. The red mullet has slightly dodgy scales, but can be a feast. The rather cheaper and more grey mullet is easy to cook and a fine centre for many Mediterranean dishes.

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Ken

L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
mertide
Shipmate
# 4500

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I'd pick your fight on this one, and let him have it if you can stand it. Wait for the eyebrow bar, that's one that takes effort to keep the lip zipped.
Posts: 382 | From: Brisbane | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Campbellite

Ut unum sint
# 1202

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One of the problems here is that as a teenager, he feels compelled to shock and horrify his elders. Thus you need to make a reasonably believable objection. Otherwise he will simply escalate until he genuinely DOES do something outrageous.

As a teen, my son dyed his hair a lovely copper color. We took that in stride.

He shaved his head. Mom was shocked, but I was cool with it. (It grew back.)

The tattoo, however... [Eek!]

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I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?

Posts: 12001 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

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When my step-son starts hitting his stride in teen angst and rebellion, I plan on wearing lots of ripped denim jeans, rock band t-shirts, earrings and spiked leather accessories, playing loads of top 40 and metal CDs, and writing lots of porn. I figure he'll rebel by wearing dress shirts, ties, khaki pants, listening to Lawrence Welk and reading Tolstoy and the Wall Street Journal in his celibacy.

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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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Worked with me. [Devil]

Or did anyone else here wind up married and in the ministry against the will of a father who frowned on both?

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Alfred E. Neuman

What? Me worry?
# 6855

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quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
He's 9. He still thinks I'm cool.

And, yes, this is a mullet .

That's not a mullet. That's a Tennessee Tophat.

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--Formerly: Gort--

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R.A.M.
Shipmate
# 7390

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It worked for me Kenwritez; my teenage years collided/are colliding with my fathers escalating mid life crisis. He's all jeans and band t-shirts; I am currently wearing pinstripes and a cravat - I had to rebel somehow.

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Formerly Real Ale Methodist
Back after prolonged absence...

Posts: 1584 | From: (Sunshine on) Leith | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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Sine, dearie, I am referring Emma to you. She needs help.

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Emma.:
Dear LATA, I lent a friend some money about 6 months ago when they came to visit me (they had their wallet stolen on the way) and well, frankly havennt seen it since. Ive had numerous "ill sort it this week" and "ive sent it in the post" and "im just speaking with my bank" type emails.

Im really puzzled, I went from just letting it slip for a bit, adn then asking directly for it, and having previously offered instalments if money was the problem, im still getting emails that say "tomorrow".

Ive been quite firm and direct,

what is there left for me to do? what do you advise??
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knee-capping. Emma, darling, I'm not trying to fob you off, but this problem requires tact, strategy, style and rat cunning.

I'm referring you to Sine.

LATA

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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.

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Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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You can bet that if a legal type such as LATA can't give advice on how to get money back the situation is hopeless.

Which in fact it is.

I assume from the fact you have been having email correspondence on the subject that the "friend" doesn't live near you so you can't lie in wait on the High Street and pounce upon him or her when they least expect it.

I also assume since you have offered the easy installment repayment plan this is more than, say, twenty pounds or so.

This raises the question: How much was this person carrying in the wallet that was stolen??? And why did you feel obligated to lend them more than just necessary to get them by until the bank opened the next day?

I sense a mystery.

In any case you've got to decide what's worth more to you: the money or the friendship. I'd say the friendship is blown now anyway so go for the money. It would be ideal if you knew this person's parents and could start calling them, explain the situtation, and ask them to pressure your friend to pay up.

If not that, then a heavy dose of guilt is called for. Go beyond firmness. Explain that you need that money for your car payment. That you trusted them. That they have screwed you over. Etc. Etc.

What you will learn from this of course is that any money given to friends or family members had best be considered a gift.

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Emma Louise

Storm in a teapot
# 3571

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Dear Sine,

Thankyou for your reply, as always you have it in one... Are you sure we cant get married dear?

Yup - other side of the uk to me, so a quick knee capping in the high street isnt possible im afraid.

I did completely trust the bloke, and at the time had no reason to believe differently of him (tho in future i will think to drive them to a bank....) As for the stupid amount -well the credit card was stolen in the wallet i guess.

As for the friendship - I think sadly thats pretty much gone - anyone who can continually mistreat you this badly hey. IM fairly forgiving and trusting type - perhaps too so!!!!

**mental note to be more wary of men wanting to borrow your affections and money - never mix the two**

[ 06. November 2005, 15:37: Message edited by: Emma. ]

Posts: 12719 | From: Enid Blyton territory. | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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If this were in the US, Emma, I'd advise you file a small claims court suit, and then see if the jerk would be willing to fight it out on Judge Judy or The People's Court. [Devil] Getting him in front of Judge Judith Sheindlin would be particuliarly satisfying; she is unparalleled in the art of sarcasm. And there is no delight like making a fool of someone on national TV.

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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Emma - a pity he isn't local, otherwise you could go round to his place and ask if you can borrow some of his books, DVDs or prize CDs (to the value of). Smile sweetly and assure him that you'll return them. Then hold them to ransom (they're in the post, I'm just sorting it out, etc"). He'd get the message, and get them back when you get the money. Alternatively, you could sell them.

Sine's guilt trip sounds like a good idea, but he probably isn't the guilty type. (I hope he didn't by any chance tell you he needed £XX for his fare home?) He may be trying to sponge money off other people for all you know and you might not be the only one, which could explain all the excuses.

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Emma Louise

Storm in a teapot
# 3571

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er yes... needed the money to pay for the weekend, the trip to me (he was at a train station) and the trip home......

Hmmmm.

Tried the guilt trip thing, well wasnt intentional, but I **wasnt* working at the time, was ill and needed the money back!!!

Ho hum.

Do i just keep pestering?!??!

Posts: 12719 | From: Enid Blyton territory. | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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Well Emma, all I can say is I hope he was a good lay. Because he certainly was an expensive one.

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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I think we can forget the 'friend' bit. The only question is, how can you get the money back without spending more?

The only parallel situation I had was one in which a driving school had defrauded me of the cost of lesson: it was too small a sum for legal action, but it rankled. So I wrote to all the organisations they had a link to - local council, trade association, dept of transport - explaining the circumstances and asking for them to ask the school... cheque was in the next post.

So, are their other parties - preferably ones in whose favour he wishes to stand - to whom you could sweetly appeal?

Remember, this is war.

Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Joan_of_Quark

Anchoress of St Expedite
# 9887

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Emma, the UK has a small claims court. Although it generally works to get money for unpaid bills, rent etc. where there's a written contract, it might be worth mentioning it in this case, because the person has accepted that the debt exists in numerous emails. It's possible a remark to the effect that you'd HATE to have to waste your time and his with filing a claim might finally get an installment on its way.

You can get info on how to use it here or there

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"I want to be an artist when I grow up." "Well you can't do both!"
further quarkiness

Posts: 1025 | From: The Book Depository | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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Ask his mother to speak to him. Or his current girlfriend. [Devil] [Two face]

--------------------
Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

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quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Well Emma, all I can say is I hope he was a good lay. Because he certainly was an expensive one.

Beautiful, Sine, simply beautiful! It's a tragic waste of opportunity you were not hired as Dear Abby's successor. [Disappointed]

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

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Dear Sine,

I am writing to call your attention to a book which I find very enjoyable.

The title is, BEING DEAD IS NO EXCUSE
The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral


I'm sure you know exactly how to host the perfect funeral in Tennessee, but this book discussed funeral rites in the Delta. You may find interesting variations on the traditions you are familiar with.

It's also extremely funny.

Moo

--------------------
Kerygmania host
---------------------
See you later, alligator.

Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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It is indeed. I'm sure it will come as no surprise that a certain Girl Raised In The South gifted me with a copy. It is a treasure trove of helpful hints and recipes. I can hardly wait for a relative to die so I can use it.

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Robert Armin

All licens'd fool
# 182

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Just remember to wait. Murdering relatives is the sort of thing the Borgias did - definitely tacky.

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Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin

Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
I can hardly wait for a relative to die so I can use it.

For some reason I am irresistibly reminded of "Kind Hearts and Coronets".

Incidentally, there is someone who catches the evening train who looks very like you, and is always very smartly dressed (suit, hat, handkerchief in jacket pocket, that sort of thing). Tonight I looked up from the depths of my Su Doku puzzle in the newspaper to find him staring at me. Is it you and have you been having difficulty with the Prize puzzle lately, or are you just hoping I will leave my newspaper on the seat for you when I get off?

Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Niënna

Ship's Lotus Blossom
# 4652

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Dear Sine,

I am going to an engagement party this Saturday afternoon for two of my friends from uni days. I know both of them and I'm wondering what sort of thing one would bring to an engagement party? It's an afternoon, casual thing - but I'm wondering if I should bring like cookies or something else?

sincerely,
helplessly unsocial

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[Nino points a gun at Chiki]
Nino: Now... tell me. Who started the war?
Chiki: [long pause] We did.
~No Man's Land

Posts: 2298 | From: Purgatory | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
Is it you?

No, but I must say he sounds fascinating.

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by Joyfulsoul:
I'm wondering what sort of thing one would bring to an engagement party?

While I'm willing to admit to cultural differences, to the best of my knowledge all you would bring would be yourself and a smile brimming with happiness for the two of them.

Leave your doubts at home. You can tell them all about why it will never last later.

(You will have plenty of time to spend money on them between now and the wedding. The engagement party should be free.)

--------------------
Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Josephine

Orthodox Belle
# 3899

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Dear Sine,

I've been invited to a bridal shower this coming weekend. Because the bride and groom will be combining households, they don't need towels or kitchen gadgets or other such things. In fact, it's likely that, in combining their respective stuff, they'll have a lot of duplicates to get rid of.

Therefore, the guests have been told that, instead of gifts, we should contribute to a "money tree." Are you, or any of your panel of experts, familiar with this custom? Does one put the money in a card? Tie it with a ribbon? Should the recipient be able to tell who gave how much? Or is it a communal gift?

I need to be enlightened!

--------------------
I've written a book! Catherine's Pascha: A celebration of Easter in the Orthodox Church. It's a lovely book for children. Take a look!

Posts: 10273 | From: Pacific Northwest, USA | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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(This oughta be good...)

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Nutmeg
Ship's spice girl
# 5297

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We went to a wedding recently and the bride and groom asked for a cash donation. I felt it would be only right to give a cash donation equivalent to the cost of entertaining us at the reception, and then a little left over after that. We gave a generous gift accordingly.

I still feel peeved that instead of a sit down lunch, we were entertained in a pub. The food consisted of merely nibbles with plenty of alcohol. This meant that when the plates of nibbles did come out and were passed in front of guests, they were truly hungry and I'm afraid that greed got the better of them. People were piling up their napkins with 4 or 5 hot nibbles, instead of a polite 1 or 2. This further meant that the group of people I was standing with, the furtherest from the door by which the food entered, did not get to sample many of the delights as did the other guests.

I was so disgruntled I wanted to go and rifle through the card we left for them containing a generous cash donation and go and buy myself a proper lunch downstairs at the pub.

I did however behave myself, and smiled and thanked the bride and groom for the lovely and simple reception.

Manners above all else I guess.

--------------------
" Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read" - Groucho Marx

Posts: 2285 | From: under the verandah at the rum distillery | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by josephine:
I've been invited to a bridal shower this coming weekend...

...the guests have been told that, instead of gifts, we should contribute to a "money tree."...

Well let's get the actual question out of the way first, and I assure you I had to ask someone else because this is not information I have floating around in my brain. No nice person would, as obviously Miss Josepshine doesn't either.

I am told you put your shake-down, I mean love offering, in a small gift envelope. On with a plain brown wrapper one assumes. One further assumes there will be a method of hanging it on the tree provided. Or perhaps the bride-to-be will just stuff the cash down her brassiere. While doing a pole dance.

There's just no telling with people like this.

Why couples who want to legalize their fornication expect other people to pay for it is beyond me. If they can't afford to get married maybe they should wait and save up some money or something.

I hope they're not planning on having children. We don't need any more people like this on the planet.

--------------------
Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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I have just remembered that we did once have a money tree at work for a receptionist who was retiring.

The office harpy who organizes these things collected the shake-down in advance, got crisp fresh bills from the bank and artfully arranged them in origami-like fan shapes on a plastic tree of a green color definitely not found in nature.

In that particular case it was, as far as I was concerned, a thank-offering for getting rid of a woman who was a terrible gossip and trouble-maker.

--------------------
Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Telepath
Ship's Steamer Trunk
# 3534

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Originally posted by Nutmeg:

quote:
We went to a wedding recently and the bride and groom asked for a cash donation. I felt it would be only right to give a cash donation equivalent to the cost of entertaining us at the reception, and then a little left over after that.
That's very generous of you, but I think you were responding too readily to the suggestion that a wedding reception be treated as a fundraising event and not a party.

Unless a reception is held at a time coincident with mealtime, it's fine to provide just nibbles instead of a full meal. Of course the basis for this idea is that the happy couple are entertaining according to their means, simply because they want the company of their dear friends, who are attending simply because they want to wish the couple well.

By demanding that you stump up cash as a gift, they've obviously shown what they think of THAT quaint old notion.

Nevertheless, the idea that "you get what you pay for" applies to commercial transactions. It is not supposed to be a rule of thumb when being entertained by friends. If you're in a situation that causes you to think in those terms, maybe "caveat emptor" should be your motto.

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Take emptiness and lying speech far from me, and do not give me poverty or wealth. Give me a living sufficient for me.

Posts: 3509 | From: East Anglia | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
Telepath
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# 3534

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Originally posted by Nutmeg:

quote:
People were piling up their napkins with 4 or 5 hot nibbles, instead of a polite 1 or 2.
Everyone knows that you are supposed to provide 3 or 4 canapés per guest in any cocktail-type situation. What were they thinking?

Maybe they were clawing back the cost of not having the [Mad] usual [Mad] cash bar [Mad]

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Take emptiness and lying speech far from me, and do not give me poverty or wealth. Give me a living sufficient for me.

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Telepath
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# 3534

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Originally posted by Ariel:

quote:
Incidentally, there is someone who catches the evening train who looks very like you, and is always very smartly dressed (suit, hat, handkerchief in jacket pocket, that sort of thing).
Owning a snotrag is nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing to be particularly proud of, either.

If he were really smartly dressed he'd tuck the handkerchief further into the pocket, where it couldn't be seen.

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Take emptiness and lying speech far from me, and do not give me poverty or wealth. Give me a living sufficient for me.

Posts: 3509 | From: East Anglia | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
welsh dragon

Shipmate
# 3249

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quote:
Originally posted by Nutmeg:
I still feel peeved that instead of a sit down lunch, we were entertained in a pub. The food consisted of merely nibbles with plenty of alcohol. This meant that when the plates of nibbles did come out and were passed in front of guests, they were truly hungry and I'm afraid that greed got the better of them. People were piling up their napkins with 4 or 5 hot nibbles, instead of a polite 1 or 2.

Nothing wrong with having a reception in a pub. (We had ours in a bar). Main thing is, IMHO, not leaving guests hungry or thirsty or bored for long periods. A lively party with lots of food and drink, even if food and drink is plain, is much better than a grand do with a dearth of sustenance. The most upper class wedding I've been to, of an heiress and a diplomat, had a load of non family people standing in a barn on the family estate (my stilettos sank into the straw) with retainers plying us with champers (that bit was fine) but no food in sight that I could see.

The bride and groom got into a hot air balloon to depart (over the nearest hill) and the college friends of the bride got on to the train back to London both starving and, unsurprisingly, completely sozzled...

Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rat
Ship's Rat
# 3373

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On a similar note, Mr Rat and I are thinking of making honest people of each other. Now, this is unlikely to be a traditional wedding since we are not spring chickens and have been together for, like, hundreds of years.

The only bit that is concerning us is presents. We already live together, and merged two households to do so, so we really have no need of any usual wedding present stuff. Plus, as I say, we're unlikely to be doing the whole 'wedding thing' so we don't really see why people should feel obliged to spend money on us. But you know what families are like - we've already been surpised by the arrival of unexpected engagement presents, and certainly don't want to put people to the trouble of hunting for a suitable present in the absence of a wedding list (we already have more pot-pourri vases than we can make room for, thank you very much. We're having to circulate them.).

So currently we're thinking of issuing a No Presents dictum. Is that acceptable or gauche?

Another alternative might be one of those schemes where people buy a bowl of rice or a cow or something for a starving village - nice idea, or insufferably self-righteous?

Or would it be even vaguely acceptable to ask for items relating to the new baby which (all going well) should hopefully be arriving around the same time? For people to chip in for a buggy and the like?

Any advice gratefully accepted.

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It's a matter of food and available blood. If motherhood is sacred, put your money where your mouth is. Only then can you expect the coming down to the wrecked & shimmering earth of that miracle you sing about. [Margaret Atwood]

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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34

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quote:
Originally posted by Rat:
The only bit that is concerning us is presents. We already live together, and merged two households to do so, so we really have no need of any usual wedding present stuff.

Another alternative might be one of those schemes where people buy a bowl of rice or a cow or something for a starving village - nice idea, or insufferably self-righteous?

Or would it be even vaguely acceptable to ask for items relating to the new baby which (all going well) should hopefully be arriving around the same time?

I think that people will want to buy you presents, even when you say 'Please don't'. It is probably going be a case of you and Mr Rat smiling and saying 'Thank you'.

It might be better to bite the bullet and make a present list. If anyone asks you what you would like you can explain that you really don't need anything. Then when they insist you can refer them to that. You could have a three section list. One for things that you have, but could do with being replaced, the second the 'ethical' gifts and the third for baby items.

Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Telepath
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# 3534

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Well, Rat, probably the best way is simply not to mention gifts in any way, shape, or form.

If people ask you what you want, you can then say, "Ohwecouldn'tpossiblythatwouldbemostkind."

If they persist, you might say that something for the baby would be nice.

On the other hand, if you really really don't want gifts, not even for the baby, you could just say firmly, "No, honestly, we have everything we need and all we want is for you to celebrate with us."

Some people will probably still give you gifts, but that is their free choice.

Saying "no gifts" is a less good way to convey this, because at worst, it could sound like, "NO! No gifts! A plague upon your peasant offerings!" At best, it could be analogous to cooing, "Oh no, please. Don't get up," when you walk into a crowded room.

In either case, it would bring the issue of gifts into sharp relief, and act as a sort of recipreversexcluson. A phrase that can only be taken to mean anything other than itself.

As for asking for charitable donations - bad idea. For one thing you are still asking for money, regardless of who the recipient is supposed to be. For another, some of your guests may be conscientiously opposed to whichever charity you name. Plus which - yeah, it is a bit ostentatious.

What you could do, if you want to give to charity, is surreptitiously eBay all the gifts you don't plan to use, and silently give the proceeds to charity.

Hope that helps. I'm sure Sine will be along any moment now, to give you the full gen.

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Take emptiness and lying speech far from me, and do not give me poverty or wealth. Give me a living sufficient for me.

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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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Sine will agree with you. Earlier in the thread, it was mentioned that presents are never supposed to be mandatory,* so "no gifts" or any attempt to dictate is indeed gauche (mentioning a Registry is just within the realm of politeness, as people are free to ignore it).

* Big lie, of course, but as Judith Martin wrote, the world could use a little more hypocrisy.

[ 09. November 2005, 15:14: Message edited by: Belisarius ]

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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
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Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32

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Tangent--

Depending on the traditions of the people involved, it can be legitimate for gifts to be displayed at the wedding (in fact, per The House of Mirth, it used to be routine in the American uppercrust). To quote Ms. Martin again, it's "not vulgar, but certainly barbaric."

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Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll

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Rat
Ship's Rat
# 3373

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quote:
Originally posted by Belisarius:
Tangent--

Depending on the traditions of the people involved, it can be legitimate for gifts to be displayed at the wedding (in fact, per The House of Mirth, it used to be routine in the American uppercrust). To quote Ms. Martin again, it's "not vulgar, but certainly barbaric."

Continuing tangent --

It used to be traditional here to do that, at least in some circles. Although not at the wedding - a special day was set aside for 'The Showing Of The Presents' at the bride's family's house. I think only women go. The presents are all laid out in a display, and sherry and sandwiches are served. Polite chit-chat takes place.

I've been to a couple, though I think the tradition has mostly died out. Very strange and, I'm afraid, excruciatingly boring.

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It's a matter of food and available blood. If motherhood is sacred, put your money where your mouth is. Only then can you expect the coming down to the wrecked & shimmering earth of that miracle you sing about. [Margaret Atwood]

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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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quote:
Originally posted by Telepath:
Owning a snotrag is nothing to be ashamed of. It's nothing to be particularly proud of, either.

If he were really smartly dressed he'd tuck the handkerchief further into the pocket, where it couldn't be seen.

You're missing the point, this isn't a snotrag. It's one of those decorative coloured silk handkerchiefs that are primarily intended to be folded neatly and tucked into the jacket pocket in such a way that they display to their best advantage. It's more a fashion statement than a practical item.
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Telepath
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# 3534

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Yes, I have seen decorative handkerchiefs before. I am a cosmopolitan sort and have been to many sophisticated places throughout the universe, and in other places.

If a man decided to wear decorative Y-fronts outside his trousers, that would not make him look dapper, and I don't think I'd be missing the point to say he was in error, regardless of the decorative nature of the Y-fronts.

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Take emptiness and lying speech far from me, and do not give me poverty or wealth. Give me a living sufficient for me.

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Codepoet

Best Bear On Board
# 5964

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Dear Sine,
I am now in the position of having to arrange the baptism of the newest addition to my family. Presumably I should contact the parish office, but one of the retired clergy (who is a lovely man) has had his eyes on the baptism for some months now. He has asked several times if we would be requiring his services, and might be hard to say no to.
However this particular chap does have a flare for liturgical over-engineering. He also dispises the choir, and so generally never talks to the choirmaster / organist. This can lead to some difficulties. The last baptism he did, was a baptism and eucharist, and as he had reworked the entire liturgy, the acolytes / servers / lesson readers / crucifer etc where all trying to work out what he wanted to happen when, when someone let slip that the choir had prepared an anthem. The priest had not anticipated an anthem and sunk into a bit of a mood, refusing to read any notices, and snarling at one of the acolytes for slouching on each circuit of the alter during the distribution.
He really is a wonderful guy, and I love him very much, but do not want a repeat performance at my little chap's baptism.

What to do?

CP

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It's more important to be kind than to be right.

Posts: 1156 | From: Southampton | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
Josephine

Orthodox Belle
# 3899

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quote:
Originally posted by Belisarius:
Sine will agree with you. Earlier in the thread, it was mentioned that presents are never supposed to be mandatory,* so "no gifts" or any attempt to dictate is indeed gauche (mentioning a Registry is just within the realm of politeness, as people are free to ignore it).

You know, Mr. and Ms. Rat might be able to stay inside the realm of politeness by distancing themselves from the request ever-so-slightly. The registry works because it's the store, not you, who is telling the guest what you want. They're just passing along the information.

Perhaps the Rats could enlist their nearest and dearest to serve in the role of sharers of information? It would have to be people whom they feel free to confide in.

I would imagine something like this: "You know, Mr. Rat and I have so much stuff between us, I don't know what we'll do if people start loading us down with the sorts of gifts they'd give a young couple just starting out. I mean, honestly, we've already got a blender, a toaster, a mixer, a food processor -- how many appliances can one family use? We want the people we invite to celebrate with us, but we really, truly don't want any gifts. If anyone asks, would you tell them that? Please? And if they really insist -- you don't think they will, do you? If they do, maybe they'd be willing to make a contribution to a charity in our honor. Do you think you could persuade them to do that? You're such a dear ..."

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I've written a book! Catherine's Pascha: A celebration of Easter in the Orthodox Church. It's a lovely book for children. Take a look!

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