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Source: (consider it) Thread: Heaven: Dear Sine...
badman
Shipmate
# 9634

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quote:
Originally posted by ken:
You don't point out that she is a duchess or he is the Mundanian ambassador, or the President of Harvard, or Queen Marie of Romania, or the winner of the latest Turner prize, or the chair of the local parish council, or the man who works down the chip-shop and thinks he's Elvis, because you act - in public - under the assumption that anyone sussed enough to be invited to your table already knows all that. In private of course you make sure everyone knows who everyone is, before they arrive if possible.

This is the Ship's roundhead?
So, which of you is the cavalier?

*ducks*

I'll get my cape.

Posts: 429 | From: Diocese of Guildford | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged
RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
quote:
RuthW:
But Coot's earlier inquiry about MarkthePunk's behavior was much tackier and completely inappropriate.

That's an interesting perspective, Ruth. I'm of the school of thought that it is kinder to bring things like this out in the open in a humorous context than talk about what a rude bastard someone is behind their back.

Saying what the other parties may be thinking gives everyone a chance to relax, laugh, and allows an 'in' for the person who has stuffed up to fix things.

There's that, or everyone could go off quietly thinking to themselves what a socially clueless twassock the protagonist is.

I'm of the school of thought that if you really want to be kind you speak to the person privately. If you had posted in Heaven to criticize my behavior in All Saints, I'd have called you to Hell.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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Uhm...lovely weather we're having. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a white Christmas? Did you make that dress yourself? It really suits you. The color is fabulous with your eyes.

Can I get you another glass of sherry?

--------------------
Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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Thank you, Sine. I'll do my best not to spill it on your best carpet.

Ah, there's a question -- if I do spill something that makes a stain while a guest in someone's home, should I offer to have the tablecloth or carpet or whatever it is professionally cleaned, or is that overkill?

Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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Excellent question, especially with the holidays approaching.

My first thought was "Yes, you're supposed to offer but the host is supposed to refuse." but upon reflection I actually do think that's overkill. When one entertains one expects a certain amount of wear and tear on the tools of the trade.

Because really, what's probably the worst that could normally happen? Red wine probably. And you aren't going to completely get that out in my experience, even if you send the tablecloth to the cleaners. So actually you'd have to offer to buy them a new tablecloth, which seems a bit much.

And if you spill something awful on the carpet or sofa I can't see Stanley Steamer pulling up in front of the host's house the next day bearing a card "compliments of RuthW."

So I think you just apologize profusely and go on. But not too profusely. That would put a damper on the party.

What does our Panel of Experts think?

(Now that said, if you spill something on somebody else's clothing I think you offer to pay to have it cleaned. That's a little more unexpected and personal.)

--------------------
Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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I'd think that the host accepts a certain amount of risk in having other people around. Provided they're not the sort who enjoy throwing food at each other and spilling stuff for its own sake, a grovelling apology and attempt to help clear up there and then should be sufficient.

On no account try to be helpful by sprinkling salt on a red wine stain though. I am convinced this is an old wives' tale, as in my experience it's never had any effect other than to leave a purple stain which is very difficult to remove.

I suggest that if you are a very messy eater you might like to think about bringing with you a small carrier bag of assorted stain removers which you could discreetly use at intervals throughout the evening, or else present to your host on arrival as a pleasant and more practical alternative to the customary bottle of wine.

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Always Waiting
Shipmate
# 10141

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I have had success with salt on red wine stains. It didn't work on the puddles on the carpet, but did work on my light blue jeans, leaving only a small and faint orange mark. This was the result of half a bag of salt lavishly administered around the stained area - maybe it only works when you trowel it on.
Posts: 191 | From: 42 Below | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
welsh dragon

Shipmate
# 3249

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I have a friend with a very elegant home and a white carpet. She invited a large number of people from church to her house at Christmas and served mulled wine.

White mulled wine.

It went down a treat with the guests and she didn't have to worry about people spilling it...

Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rat
Ship's Rat
# 3373

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I'd agree with Ariel. If your carpet or tablecloth is so precious that a stain will be a major crisis, I really think you'd be better not to invite people round. An (genuine) apology should be enough. Trying to discreetly rub the stain in with your foot, or blaming the dog, are bad form though.

I do know somebody who refused to let red wine be drunk in her house, for fear of the cream carpet. That seemed a touch over-sensitive.

(My only experience with salt only resulted in bleaching the area around the stain, so I wouldn't recommend it)

--------------------
It's a matter of food and available blood. If motherhood is sacred, put your money where your mouth is. Only then can you expect the coming down to the wrecked & shimmering earth of that miracle you sing about. [Margaret Atwood]

Posts: 5285 | From: A dour region for dour folk | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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O.K., I confess. I did spill red wine (actually dark pink) at a church wine party last week. My host was prepared for this eventuality with club soda and salt, and he quickly cleaned it up as soon as I told him of my mishap. (They normally serve the white wines indoors and the reds outside, but this was technically a "pink" and was served with the whites.)

--------------------
"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf

Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
O.K., I confess. I did spill red wine (actually dark pink) at a church wine party last week. My host was prepared for this eventuality with club soda and salt, and he quickly cleaned it up as soon as I told him of my mishap. (They normally serve the white wines indoors and the reds outside, but this was technically a "pink" and was served with the whites.)

From time to time it's driven home to me, just how different from Methodists the Anglicans are. "Church wine party" has a "Church casino & strip-club" sound to it that makes me quite envious.
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Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

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quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
From time to time it's driven home to me, just how different from Methodists the Anglicans are. "Church wine party" has a "Church casino & strip-club" sound to it that makes me quite envious.

You mean you wish your church had casino and strip-club parties? [Big Grin]

Moo

--------------------
Kerygmania host
---------------------
See you later, alligator.

Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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Let's just say it makes our Chicken &Noodle dinners sound even more stodgy than usual. [Smile]

Red wine actually gives me a crashing headache, so the people who simply never serve it to guests don't seem that extreme to me. I like grape juice myself, but I never, ever buy it because it just doesn't seem worth the risk. There are so many other choices.

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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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I have a ginger carpet, and whatever I like to drink [Cool]

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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Hmmm... maybe I should suggest strip-club parties as a new fund raiser. [Smile]

Thanks for the suggestion!

--------------------
"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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Let's have it at Doublethink's house! I'll bring my own grape juice and a large fan.
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Mathmo
Shipmate
# 5837

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Dear Sine,

Earlier this week, whilst rather tired, I ran a rehearsal for the once-a-year Christmas choir, during which I snapped rather too readily at the poor volunteers, and at one in particular.

Having now woken up from the aforementioned tiredness, should I seek this lady out on Sunday morning and apologise for my behaviour, or I let sleeping dogs lie and simply try to be nice to everyone at next week's rehearsal?

--------------------
I'm the fool I never, fool I never thought I was.

Posts: 233 | From: my own little world | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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Few people are ever offended by someone apologising for a rudeness they did not notice, a lot of people are offended by receiving no apology for a rudeness the speaker thought they did not notice.

I'd apologise if I were you. After all, you'll feel better [Biased]

[ 24. November 2005, 19:20: Message edited by: Doublethink ]

--------------------
All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Always Waiting
Shipmate
# 10141

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Dear Uncle Sine,

I try to be nice, but I'm not very good at it. I have a terrible memory for people (although I remember faces, I forget names and contexts at the drop of a hat).

Over the last week I have had three brief professional interchanges (or thereabouts) with a youngish gentleman who came to my office on behalf of his subordinates. It was all very professional and friendly. Then - disaster. I saw him by chance, suddenly and accidentally, on another part of campus. Knowing that I recognised him but, in the heat of the moment, not remembering from whence, I gave a friendly smile. He looked a bit nonplussed.

All well and good. But then I saw him again, yesterday. It was that nightmare - a long, open street with nobody else on it. He saw me and I saw him. I panicked. I had to smile. He smiled back.

It was all a horrible accident. If I'd known where I recognised him from in the first place, I wouldn't have even made eye contact. It's like when you recognise your bank teller in the street. And now I'm trapped in a perpetual smiling relationship with this young man, who I'm likely to keep passing, as we work in fairly close proximity. How can I extract myself from this social nightmare?

Yours in desperation,
Always Waiting.

Posts: 191 | From: 42 Below | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by Always Waiting:
Now I'm trapped in a perpetual smiling relationship with this young man, who I'm likely to keep passing, as we work in fairly close proximity. How can I extract myself from this social nightmare?

Whoa Nellie!

There is a HUGE chunk of missing info here! I keep going over and over you post trying to figure out what the problem actually is. What aren't you telling Uncle Sine? Why should a friendly exchange of smiles produce so much angst? And for that matter why would you be embarrassed to smile at your bank teller in the street?

I'll have to go out on a limb here and guess that your work status is so much higher than his that he is socially beneath you and can't be recognized. Especially if you think bank tellers shouldn't get social recognition from you. Also there is an implied whiff of something sexual here too that I don't understand. Almost as if you're afraid he'll think you're coming on to him by smiling. You must have quite a smile. I wish I had it.

I'm guessing the missing piece of info is whatever it was he came to your office about. Although you say it was "all very professional and friendly".

In any case the best advice I can offer is the next time you see him, stop and say "I'm sorry I've been smiling at you. I thought you were my bank teller."

That should probably fix it.

--------------------
Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Always Waiting
Shipmate
# 10141

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Dear Sine,

You're quite right. I was a little het up. That's what interaction with strangers does to me. But you've set me on the calmer path to rational thought.

To explain a little: my trouble isn't that I think he is not up to my social standard and therefore should be spurned like a dog in the street - I just worry that he thinks it a little weird that this person with whom he transacted a couple of business exchanges should take to smiling as if we're old friends. I realise that this is paranoid and neurotic behaviour.

He is a rather attractive young man. This heightens my neurosis. No one likes to look dumb around someone who's cute.

Thank you for your (as always) sound advice. Next time I'll take a couple of deep breaths, reassure myself that he probably doesn't care a damn if some girl flicks a grin his way, and either smile politely or attempt to open a savings account. Either way, the matter should be settled.

[eta: neurotic? nuerotic?]

[ 25. November 2005, 00:10: Message edited by: Always Waiting ]

Posts: 191 | From: 42 Below | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34

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Smile at everyone. Say "Good morning" to strangers. It makes the world a happier place. [Big Grin]
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Macgyver's Apprentice
Shipmate
# 603

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Good Morning [Big Grin]

quote:
Smile at everyone. Say "Good morning" to strangers. It makes the world a happier place.
It also means that you don't have to remember who you do and who you don't know [Biased]

--------------------
"In my view you cannot claim to have seen something until you have photographed it." - Emile Zola
2011 New Mexico Meet & Grand Canyon

Posts: 416 | From: The Clyde Valley | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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quote:
Originally posted by Macgyver's Apprentice:
It also means that you don't have to remember who you do and who you don't know [Biased]

Sounds like a bit too casual sex.

('Who you do and don't know' is perfectly viable and perhaps closer to your intended meaning)

Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Macgyver's Apprentice
Shipmate
# 603

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quote:
Sounds like a bit too casual sex.

It could lead to some interesting conversations when meeting people:

"Say, I don't I know you from somewhere?"

--------------------
"In my view you cannot claim to have seen something until you have photographed it." - Emile Zola
2011 New Mexico Meet & Grand Canyon

Posts: 416 | From: The Clyde Valley | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Scholar Gypsy
Shipmate
# 7210

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quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
(And don't even get me started about people with doctorates who use the title "doctor" socially.)

Sorry, Sine, I'm afraid I've allowed myself to get behind in reading this thread. My social education is suffering as a result.

May I inquire what people who have been awarded a PhD or DPhil should be called socially?
Do you stick to Miss Jane Smith/Mrs. Jane Smith, if you're using titles (e.g. if sending them an invitation through the post)?

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Smudgie

Ship's Barnacle
# 2716

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Dear Sine,

A purely hypothetical situation, you'll understand.

An occupational therapist and care worker are visiting an elderly person's house where I, as the carer, have come to meet them while the elderly person is in hospital. They have come to assess whether he needs any extra care.

The house is devoid of provisions, the householder being in hospital, and all that is available is a bottle of milk, a teabag, and two mugs. I make each of the visitors a cup of tea before they begin their tour of the bungalow. To my horror, just as I am about to hand the mug to the senior of the visitors, I see a large hair which has clearly just fallen off my head and into the cup of tea. It is impossible to make a fresh cup as there is no tea and no milk left.

How do I get myself out of this terrible predicament without showing a lack of manners or hygiene and convincing the visitors that I am a suitable person to be caring for an elderly gentleman? ... if it were to happen, of course.

--------------------
Miss you, Erin.

Posts: 14382 | From: Under the duvet | Registered: Apr 2002  |  IP: Logged
Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783

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Spill the contents of the cups and apologize, then suggest that perhaps it would be best to skip the refreshments?

--------------------
TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)

Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by Macgyver's Apprentice:
quote:
Sounds like a bit too casual sex.

It could lead to some interesting conversations when meeting people:

"Say, I don't I know you from somewhere?"

My personal favorite, which yes, I have had occasion to use, is "I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you with your clothes on."

--------------------
Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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quote:
Originally posted by Smudgie:
A purely hypothetical situation, you'll understand.


Well, it's obviously a hypothetical hair, then. So no worries.

[Big Grin]

--------------------
Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460

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quote:
Originally posted by Always Waiting:
How can I extract myself from this social nightmare?

Seduce him and go back to his place.

Then, at the moment he removes his undergarments, run giggling from the room and never come back.

Ideally you would also vomit on his carpet.

He will not make eye contact with you in the street again

--------------------
Ken

L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
dolphy

Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862

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quote:
Originally posted by Smudgie:
A purely hypothetical situation, you'll understand.
<snip> ..... To my horror, just as I am about to hand the mug to the senior of the visitors, I see a large hair which has clearly just fallen off my head and into the cup of tea. It is impossible to make a fresh cup <snip>...

How do I get myself out of this terrible predicament? <snip> ... if it were to happen, of course.

I would merely tell them that this is a cup of herbal tea. The aforementioned hair is actually a rare strain of herb which, if left in the cup, will bring calm to all those who drink it.

...unless it is a grey hair [Snigger]

<the 'snips' were not meant as puns, honest they weren't [Two face] >

[ 25. November 2005, 16:30: Message edited by: dolphy ]

--------------------
Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.

Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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quote:
Originally posted by Smudgie:
To my horror, just as I am about to hand the mug to the senior of the visitors, I see a large hair which has clearly just fallen off my head and into the cup of tea. It is impossible to make a fresh cup as there is no tea and no milk left.

How do I get myself out of this terrible predicament without showing a lack of manners or hygiene and convincing the visitors that I am a suitable person to be caring for an elderly gentleman? ... if it were to happen, of course.

I think you'd have to say, "Oh, excuse me, I just forgot something," and rush back into the kitchen with the mug on a pretext of looking for biscuits even if there aren't any (or somesuch) before they can say anything or notice the hair, then quickly fish it out in the kitchen and return with hairless tea and a brazen smile. If it were to happen of course.

I was once served a mug of tea in a friend's house that had a cat hair floating in it. Not wishing to be rude I discreetly removed it without saying anything and drank the tea hoping that boiling water would kill any lingering cat-germs. As this was about 20 years ago and I am still alive I think I am safe in saying it probably worked.

[ 25. November 2005, 17:08: Message edited by: Ariel ]

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Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by xSx:
May I inquire what people who have been awarded a PhD or DPhil should be called socially?
Do you stick to Miss Jane Smith/Mrs. Jane Smith, if you're using titles (e.g. if sending them an invitation through the post)?

Well, I know I'll probably get a lot of flak for this, but in America at least, I think it's pompous and pretentious to use a doctoral title socially. My grandfather had two and my sister has one, and neither of them used/use them to bludgeon people over the heads at parties. I mean, who really cares besides you? ("You" being the one with the doctorate.)

Medical doctors by custom get to use them, but I wish they wouldn't.

Now go ahead. Tell me just how hard you worked to earn them, blah, blah, blah.

--------------------
Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Smudgie:
To my horror, just as I am about to hand the mug to the senior of the visitors, I see a large hair which has clearly just fallen off my head and into the cup of tea. It is impossible to make a fresh cup as there is no tea and no milk left.

I think you'd have to say, "Oh, excuse me, I just forgot something," and rush back into the kitchen
I think Ariel has got it, although if the visitor were in the act of actually reaching for the cup when you spot the hair, your best bet might be (have been [Devil] ) "Oh dear. I'm sorry. As you can see I'm under a lot of stress right now. Let me fish that out for you."

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Uhm...lovely weather we're having. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a white Christmas? Did you make that dress yourself? It really suits you. The color is fabulous with your eyes.

Can I get you another glass of sherry?

I enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner at the home of friends yesterday. Well, I enjoyed most of it. Most of the people in my best friend's family are rather loud, and many of them have no qualms about getting into political arguments at the dinner table. At one point discussion of recent ballot measures here in California devolved into a shouting match between my best friend and one of her relatives over teachers' salaries and teachers' unions (my best friend is a teacher, the relative is anti-union). I just hunched down in my chair, the small child present said, "Too loud!" and someone else tried several times to change the subject in the manner you demonstrate above. It didn't work. The shouting didn't end until the combatant seated next to me spoke so loudly I involuntarily flinched.

Is there anything to be done in such situations? When obvious efforts to change the topic of conversation are ignored, does one simply contemplate the cranberry jelly and consider whether a third glass of wine is in order? Or can one ask the shouters to stop? (I contemplated the cranberry jelly and heroically decided against the third glass of wine.)

Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
Is there anything to be done in such situations?...Can one ask the shouters to stop?

Sad but true, different standards of behavior seem to exist for family dinners. Part of your value as a non-family member should have been to prevent such scenes. Obviously it didn't work. The host or hostess should have intervened decisively to stop it.

My brother-in-law loves to argue, especially after a few cocktails. I have no problem saying to the combatants "If you two want to argue go outside. You're boring the rest of us." Then I change the subject, forcibly if necessary, and keep rattling on for a few minutes until the awkwardness has passed.

Since the host or hostess didn't intervene I would have gotten up and gone to the bathroom saying rather loudly "Excuse me for moment, please." Another more desperate ploy would have been to knock your water glass over. The main thing is to create a noticeable diversion if softer measures have failed.

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
mrs whibley
Shipmate
# 4798

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quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Well, I know I'll probably get a lot of flak for this, but in America at least, I think it's pompous and pretentious to use a doctoral title socially. My grandfather had two and my sister has one, and neither of them used/use them to bludgeon people over the heads at parties. I mean, who really
cares besides you? ("You" being the one with the doctorate.)

Medical doctors by custom get to use them, but I wish they wouldn't.

Now go ahead. Tell me just how hard you worked to earn them, blah, blah, blah.

No, I won't; I'm with you all the way. Besides, it intimidates people, which is really not the point socially - it often is professionally, though! I'm not sure which category bank managers come into.

Mrs (or Dr if you must) Whibley PhD

Posts: 942 | From: North Lincolnshire | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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Many thanks, Sine. I am filing away the diversionary tactic for future reference. Perhaps I will conspire with the small child about creating a diversion if things get too loud at the next family gala. (My presence did prevent anyone from mentioning the sordid details surrounding the recent failure of one family member's marriage, so they're not entirely hopeless.)
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

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Next time, offer to bribe the child to vomit onto the lap of one of the arguers. Everyone wins! Child wins your bribe plus gets to vomit with social approval (yours and other sufferers), target of said substance becomes instant center of sympathetic attention, all present are witnesses at an exciting event they'll *all* talk about for years, and best of all, you get the hat trick! You've stopped a boring and embarassing event, you're basking in the warming glow of good interior gloat, and you've effected a change of subject discussion which is unlikely to be repeated. Everyone comes out ahead!

[ 25. November 2005, 19:11: Message edited by: KenWritez ]

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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

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Sine, please accept my warm regards and thanks for your advice.

My family members offer unsolicited advice, and I was able to cope with it this Thanksgiving by adopting your technique. Their feelings weren't hurt and I wasn't overwhelmed. Thanks again.

[ 25. November 2005, 19:20: Message edited by: KenWritez ]

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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
Next time, offer to bribe the child to vomit onto the lap of one of the arguers.

I'd try knocking over the water glass first, but that's just me.

Mr. Writez, I assume you're referring to the "You could be right" ploy. I'm glad you found it effective.

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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You are at dinner with old friends. You are, all of you, persons past their first youth.

The company contains a lady who was a sometime mistress of the host. The hostess is the present 'bidey in' as we say. The FM (who cannot hold her liquor) persists in loudly and continuously referring to her former relationship with the host. Is there any way, short of decoying the woman to the bathroom, running a bath, and holding her under until the bubbles stop, of shutting her up?

Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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Oh Gawd! How perfectly dreadful.

I would say only the current mistress en titre can put a stop to it. The poor man can't without looking the fool, nor can any of the other guests.

The current holder of the title has two options. Either laughing it off "Thank you for breaking him in for me." Or trying to remove the liquored up Ex "Let's go in the other room and compare notes."

Either way the man loses. But isn't that always the case?

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
R.A.M.
Shipmate
# 7390

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On the issue of using Dr as a title.

I suppose one only uses a proffesional title such as Dr if ones relationship is proffesional. Thus my old man is referred to as Dr Methodist, by his colleagues and patients (also accountant, lawyer etc); even when he is in a social setting. People with whom his relationship was initially social just know him as Old Methodist. Likewise I suppose academics might be referred to as Dr by there students and peers; but not by their friends. (That said, in academia everyone has a PhD so I am not entirely sure what the point would be...)

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Formerly Real Ale Methodist
Back after prolonged absence...

Posts: 1584 | From: (Sunshine on) Leith | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Timothy the Obscure

Mostly Friendly
# 292

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The custom in (American) academia used to be (I'm told by people even older than me) that one addressed one's professors as "Doctor" until one passed one's orals. At that point, your advisor would shake your hand and say, "Congratulations, Dr. Obscure," and thereafter you were on a first-name basis.

However, even back then anyone who would want to be addressed as Doctor in any context less academic than a departmental sherry hour would have been seen as a bit stuck on themselves.

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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
  - C. P. Snow

Posts: 6114 | From: PDX | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Anna B
Shipmate
# 1439

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In the United States, I think, the tendency is for holders of Ph.D.'s in the "hard" sciences and mathematics to use the title of "Dr." In the humanities, this is generally considered pretentious. I will also go out on a limb and say that the less prestigious the institution, the more likely it is that the faculty members with Ph.D.'s will insist on being referred to as "Dr."

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Bad Christian (TM)

Posts: 3069 | From: near a lot of fish | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Laud-able

Ship's Ancient
# 9896

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At my place of work all holders of PhDs and higher doctorates – MD, LLD, and so on – are referred to as ‘Doctor So-and-So’ if they are not ‘Professor So-and-So’.

Medical practitioners holding no degrees higher than those of Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery (the run-of-the-mill qualification in Australia) are ‘Doctor’ by courtesy in conversation, but are not so styled in official University publications such as graduation programs.

The use of the titles Professor and Doctor socially would depend upon the formality of the occasion.

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'. . . "Non Angli, sed Angeli" "not Angels, but Anglicans"', Sellar, W C, and Yeatman, R J, 1066 and All That, London, 1930, p. 6.

Posts: 279 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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Why is it that most of the clergy who use the title "Doctor" are ones who have honorary degrees rather than earned ones? Or is that just my imagination?
[Confused]

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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf

Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
R.A.M.
Shipmate
# 7390

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quote:
Originally posted by The Prophetess:
I will also go out on a limb and say that the less prestigious the institution, the more likely it is that the faculty members with Ph.D.'s will insist on being referred to as "Dr."

And the ones who have most recently earned it, it occurs to me it is always the post doctoral fellows who introduce themselves as Dr. unremarkable historian, as opposed to the grand old men of the subject who introduce themselves more humbly.

Likewise Students and Post-Doc-Fels are more likely to call themselves historians; whilst the more established figures more likely to merely claim to study history, as if really they were just keen Undergrads.

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Formerly Real Ale Methodist
Back after prolonged absence...

Posts: 1584 | From: (Sunshine on) Leith | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged



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