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Source: (consider it) Thread: Heaven: Dear Sine...
Foaming Draught
The Low in Low Church
# 9134

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Friends and I faced much the same dilemma last week, save that it's the middle of summer. Having first ascertained that there is enough play in the top opening of the waistcoat to allow a silk cravat to peep through, and that our various chunks of cufflink wouldn't be obscured, we got a joblot from the NSW Department of Corrections in time for the happy day. I can courier some across to you on Qantas if you like the look of them.
Posts: 8661 | From: Et in Australia Ego | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged
Duo Seraphim
Ubi caritas et amor
# 256

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That must have been an unusual wedding. Was involuntary committal offered to the luckless guests?

--------------------
Embrace the serious whack. It's the Catholic thing to do. IngoB
The Messiah, Peace be upon him, said to his Apostles: 'Verily, this world is merely a bridge, so cross over it, and do not make it your abode.' (Bihar al-anwar xiv, 319)

Posts: 7952 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Emma Louise

Storm in a teapot
# 3571

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Dear Sine,

I have a specific problem, but as this is just after Christmas Im sure this will be an example of a common dilema...

... my father (bless him) has brought me for xmas a rather nice perfume i *used* to wear in my "old" life. Its got associations Id rather not associate with, so would rather not wear it now... what do i do??

Do I just give it to someone who does wear it (very charitable option) and then later in the year let him know its not my thing anymore

Do I tell him and ask if perhaps I could exchange it for another scent?

Do I see if a store will take it back without a reciept in exchange for another one?

O Sine, your wisdom is needed...

emma x
(oh and hope you had a fab christmas [Smile] )

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Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by Emma.:
... my father (bless him) has brought me for xmas a rather nice perfume i *used* to wear in my "old" life. Its got associations I'd rather not associate with, so would rather not wear it now... what do i do??

Do I tell him and ask if perhaps I could exchange it for another scent?

Yes.

Since it's your father and he loves you, you tell him exactly what you told me. I'm assuming he will understand. If he's got it in his mind this is your favorite perfume you need to disabuse him of the notion right now.

If you wait a while to tell him, he'll still remember he gave it to you and feel badly about it. So it's now or never.

I thought Chanel No. 5 was my grandmother's favorite perfume. When she died I found whole drawer of products I'd given her over the years still with their little gift cards, unused. I'd much rather she'd have told me.

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

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John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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When did rumpled cravats become fashionable?
[Confused]

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Eliab
Shipmate
# 9153

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Dear Sine,

Another post-Christmas problem:

Mrs Eliab's parents are divorced, and both have formed other attachments. Her mother has remarried, and her father is cohabiting with his new partner, both seem vaguely happy, and we get on well with all concerned.

This year was the first Christmas for our (seven-month old) goblin. Both of his maternal grandparents sent us gifts for him. The mother-in-law and her husband have (I'm pleased and impressed to see) taken note of the hints dropped over the year and their gift is addressed from "Grandma and T___". The father-in-law, however, has signed his gift from "Grandpa and Nanna".

Maybe I'm being stuffy and unkind. Maybe all you need to do to be a granny these days is shack up with a spare grandad. But I doubt it. The plain fact is that she is not in any way our child's grandmother. She has never stood in parental relation to either Mrs Eliab or I, is not blood relation, and, further, has for reasons best known to herself chosen not to legitimise her relationship with the boy's grandfather. It seems quite wrong to me to suggest to my son that she stands in the same relationship to him as do the two ladies from whom he is actually descended. She is not going to be addressed as ‘Nanna' or any other affectionate grandmotherly term if I have anything to do with the matter. So how can I tell her gently that the goblin will be addressing her by the name with which she was baptised?

I'm sure this question will raise a suspicion of ill-feeling. That would be misplaced. She is a friendly, hospitable and charming lady, whom I get on with. Her attachment to my father-in-law post-dates his divorce, so she is no home-wrecker. I would not wish to offend her. But she isn't my baby's grandmother, goddammit, and I'm not going to pretend that she is.


E

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"Perhaps there is poetic beauty in the abstract ideas of justice or fairness, but I doubt if many lawyers are moved by it"

Richard Dawkins

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John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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quote:
Eliab:
So how can I tell her gently that the goblin will be addressing her by the name with which she was baptised?

Sine is off having an attack of the vapours I expect. Though perhaps it is de rigeur for children to address those with age difference to them of several generations* by first names uninvited nowdays?

In case it takes him a while to recover: I'd go for 'Auntie' and 'Uncle' as applied to family friends, having explained to the goblin that these are aunties and uncles like [insert examples of non-blood aunties and uncles]; and having also mentioned it for approval to grandpa's partner that that's how you'd like her to be called.


* Or anyone really.

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Eliab
Shipmate
# 9153

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quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
Though perhaps it is de rigeur for children to address those with age difference to them of several generations* by first names uninvited nowdays?
[...]
I'd go for 'Auntie' and 'Uncle' as applied to family friends

I'd thought about this, but "Grandpa and Mrs R___" sounds either far too formal or positively indecent, and "Grandpa and Auntie D___" sounds almost incestuous.

Mrs Eliab calls them "Dad and D___", so "Grandpa and D___" seems to me right for the boy.

--------------------
"Perhaps there is poetic beauty in the abstract ideas of justice or fairness, but I doubt if many lawyers are moved by it"

Richard Dawkins

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Joyeux

Ship's Lady of Laughter
# 3851

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quote:
Originally posted by Eliab:
quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
Though perhaps it is de rigeur for children to address those with age difference to them of several generations* by first names uninvited nowdays?
[...]
I'd go for 'Auntie' and 'Uncle' as applied to family friends

I'd thought about this, but "Grandpa and Mrs R___" sounds either far too formal or positively indecent, and "Grandpa and Auntie D___" sounds almost incestuous.

Mrs Eliab calls them "Dad and D___", so "Grandpa and D___" seems to me right for the boy.

Not an identical situation, but my mother's mother remarried about 20 years ago, after having been widowed for about 10+ years. My siblings and I call her husband "Grandpa J__," as mother and her siblings simply call him "J__." However, since both actual grandparents are living, that might not work so well, especially since "Grandpa and D___" aren't married. YMMV

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Float?...Do science too

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Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by Eliab:
She is not going to be addressed as ‘Nanna' or any other affectionate grandmotherly term if I have anything to do with the matter. So how can I tell her gently that the goblin will be addressing her by the name with which she was baptised?

I'm sure this question will raise a suspicion of ill-feeling. That would be misplaced. She is a friendly, hospitable and charming lady, whom I get on with. Her attachment to my father-in-law post-dates his divorce, so she is no home-wrecker. I would not wish to offend her. But she isn't my baby's grandmother, goddammit, and I'm not going to pretend that she is.

You haven't said how Mrs. Eliab feels about this, but I can only assume you've consulted with her and she agrees with you. It being her family and all.

The modern family presents so many opportunities for ill-will and hurt feelings, if not at the wedding, then at the christening or the funeral, one daren’t have any relatives at all these days. Although actually I quite agree with you that ‘Nanna’ is inappropriate under the circumstances. However the problem is you can’t very well call somebody something they don’t want to be called. You can however change it slightly and rest assured the goblin will call her what he hears his parents call her. I suggest you train the child to refer to her as ‘Nanny’ not ‘Nanna’ - a small but significant change. Perhaps with her first name added in for good measure: ‘Nanny Tart’. Then if your father-in-law’s companion complains you can merely say “Oh we prefer ‘nanny’. We don’t want Goblin to get confused” - being a little vague about just what ‘confused’ means in this context.

But there’s no point at all in bringing it up right now just on the basis of one gift tag. However you have been warned, thankfully, and have time to plan your strategy.

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Josephine

Orthodox Belle
# 3899

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quote:
Originally posted by Eliab:
I would not wish to offend her. But she isn't my baby's grandmother, goddammit, and I'm not going to pretend that she is.

Ah, but don't you see, Eliab, that the only real benefit of divorce, to a child, is the multiplication of grandparents. The grandparents no more have to be blood kin than aunts and uncles do. They're simply adults who are in the child's life who can be expected to provide love and affection, which are good things.

But of course, aunt won't quite do as a name for grandpa's wife. The term I'm most familiar with, for a grandmother-type-who-isn't-really-related, is "Mama Surname." Could you live with that?

Please trust me when I say that it should be easier to live with that than with the alternative, which is a setting up an ugly and unwinnable fight between your wife and her father. Divorce and new relationships provide lots of opportunities for hurt feelings, anger, acting out, and general nastiness of all sorts. I would suggest that accepting some sort of grandmotherly nickname for the grandfather's partner is by far the better course of action.

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I've written a book! Catherine's Pascha: A celebration of Easter in the Orthodox Church. It's a lovely book for children. Take a look!

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QLib

Bad Example
# 43

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I basically agree with Josephine's solution, except to add that you can vary the title (Brits, for example, could use Gran, Granny, Nanny, Nan etc) and instead of the surname, maybe first name or a nickname acceptable to the person concerned. In fact, if the lady is a good sport (and the children are capable of a certain amount of basic tact) deciding what to call her could be sorted out at a family gathering.

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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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It's good to see a concern for the finer points of cutting, distancing, putting-in-her-place and general snubbery with (discreet) violence, didn't pass away with Queen Victoria.

Of all the shades that close about the growing goblin, learning the exact degree of emotional distance to put between him and one of the band of kindly oldsters on his peripheral horizon, is, of course, an urgent one.

(Actually, what I wouldn't have given for an affectionate, present-giving pseudo-granny. Both of mine were the real thing, and rancorous old biddies.)

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Campbellite

Ut unum sint
# 1202

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In a not-entirely-different situation in my family when I was a wee lad, my grandfather's second wife* was referred to as "Momma Ella" by all his grandchildren, none of whom were her actual descendants. It seems a reasonable solution to me.

[*My biological grandmother died before I was born.]

--------------------
I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?

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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460

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quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
It's good to see a concern for the finer points of cutting, distancing, putting-in-her-place and general snubbery with (discreet) violence, didn't pass away with Queen Victoria.

The formally correct snub is to say, in her hearing, how undignified it is that children these days call their grandmothers "nana" because "nanny" is a name for a servant. Or a dog.

Of course big hugs might be more fun all round.

[ 30. December 2005, 17:51: Message edited by: ken ]

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Ken

L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

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John Holding

Coffee and Cognac
# 158

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WHen I was young and had four grandparents alive, the two grandfathers were called different things (Grandad and a slightly screwed up version of the gaelic for "old man", which I will not attempt to spell) and the two grandmothers were Gran and Nana.

My kids called their two sets of birth grandparents (wait for it) indiscriminately Grandma and Grampa. We referred to them as Grandma X and Grandma Y, and -- oddly enough -- Grampa X and Grampa Y.

This made it easy, when Grandma Y died and her husband remarried to go with Grandma Mary both as how the children called her and as how we referred to her. And when it happened again, to go with Grandma Mary the second time as well. Admittedly, ours were older, so the subtle distinction between Grandma X and Grandma Mary was quite clear.

You clearly dislike her (at least, that's how I read some of your comments) but she's going to be there for some time, so how about finding a name that bridges the gap some how. I might suggest another language's word for old woman -- pick a language, any language; or, do as an english-canadian friend of my mother's did when she married a French Canadian -- called her mother in law "ma mere", neither "mother" nor a first name. And anyway, unless the two other females in question also want to be called Nana, what's the harm in letting this one get what she wants? There's no way to tell, but she may be the one who lasts longest or has the best relationship with the goblin.

John

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Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by John Holding:
You clearly dislike her (at least, that's how I read some of your comments)...

Ok folks (not just you, John), I feel I have to come to Eliab's defense here. There are a couple of things people seem to be ignoring.

Eliab says: "I'm sure this question will raise a suspicion of ill-feeling. That would be misplaced. She is a friendly, hospitable and charming lady, whom I get on with." There is no reason to think he's not telling the truth.

He also says, and I think these two bits of information are quite important: "The mother-in-law and her husband have (I'm pleased and impressed to see) taken note of the hints dropped over the year and their gift is addressed from "Grandma and T___". This indicates to me Mr. and Mrs. Eliab have tried to make their wishes known in this matter in advance.

Then we get to the kicker: "The father-in-law, however, has signed his gift from "Grandpa and Nanna". Please note it was the father-in-law who signed the card not his companion. This is after the Eliabs have dropped hints how they want the situation handled. The father-in-law, who has not married his companion is claiming rights for her that the mother-in-law, who is remarried has not claimed for her husband. This may be more about the father-in-law's relationship with his ex-wife than it is about the goblin. It's just possible it's a subtle side-swipe at his ex-wife. These things happen you know, shocking as that may seem.

Moreover I'm prepared to cut Eliab some slack with his firstborn. Although I've never had one (Thank-you, Jaysus!) I have had kitties and puppies and I know one gets all excited and prideful and want things 'just so'. By the third or fourth kid he won't care who calls whom what as long as somebody will babysit.

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Eliab
Shipmate
# 9153

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Sine,

Quite so, thank you. I do, in fact, like my father-in-law's partner a great deal.

Firenze,

quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
It's good to see a concern for the finer points of cutting, distancing, putting-in-her-place and general snubbery with (discreet) violence, didn't pass away with Queen Victoria.

Of all the shades that close about the growing goblin, learning the exact degree of emotional distance to put between him and one of the band of kindly oldsters on his peripheral horizon, is, of course, an urgent one.

"A touch, a touch, I do confess."

Yes, part of me thinks that denying a grandmotherly title is a bit pedantic, insensitive and ungrateful. But another part thinks that there really is a difference between a grandmother and a kindly oldster, and that my son ought to know it.

When I here it said of an exceptionally mean-spirited person: "He's the sort who'd sell his own grandfather's currently cohabiting partner" with the same force as: "He's the sort who'd sell his own grandmother", I'll concede that there's no difference between the two.

--------------------
"Perhaps there is poetic beauty in the abstract ideas of justice or fairness, but I doubt if many lawyers are moved by it"

Richard Dawkins

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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quote:
Originally posted by Eliab:
But another part thinks that there really is a difference between a grandmother and a kindly oldster, and that my son ought to know it.

I suppose having children does intensify the feeling of being part of a line. As does ageing. I certainly feel more like my own grandmothers (the touchiness, the histrionic tantrums, the pessimism - that sort of thing).

However, we each achieve this sense of being subsumed in a family identify for ourselves. I dare say your son will reach his own sense of connection to his parents and grandparents.

But there again, we like to think we live a bit above the atavistic level of just physical kinship. That we could 'take after' people we are not related to, on the basis of love alone.

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Amazing Grace

High Church Protestant
# 95

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quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
(Actually, what I wouldn't have given for an affectionate, present-giving pseudo-granny. Both of mine were the real thing, and rancorous old biddies.)

My paternal grandmother, may she rest in peace, was such to my cousins (all on my mother's side, as my father was an only child). She spent all holidays folded into the maternal clan and was called "Grandma Alice" by my generation.

There was never any doubt in anyone's mind that she wasn't the actual grandmother of anyone but me and my brother, but nobody really cared, especially (and this is important) my maternal grandmother, who got along with her quite well.

(In contrast, my cousins' other grandparents were Mr. and Mrs. <surname> to me. But I didn't see them every family occasion, either.)

I'm sure the Eliabs can work something amicably out before the wee one is old enough to pay attention.

Charlotte

--------------------
WTFWED? "Remember to always be yourself, unless you suck" - the Gator
Memory Eternal! Sheep 3, Phil the Wise Guy, and Jesus' Evil Twin in the SoF Nativity Play

Posts: 6593 | From: Sittin' by the dock of the [SF] bay | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged
Jane R
Shipmate
# 331

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Sine said:
quote:
I thought Chanel No. 5 was my grandmother's favorite perfume. When she died I found whole drawer of products I'd given her over the years still with their little gift cards, unused. I'd much rather she'd have told me.
(((Sine)))

Our problem is slightly different. Some close friends gave us a copy of 'Munchkin' (a card game) for Christmas. But we already have it. My husband thinks we should keep quiet and give the extra copy to some other friends (who as far as we know don't have it) so as not to waste it, and spend an equivalent amount of money on something we don't have. I would prefer to be honest about it and tell them. Which of us is right?

The 'Chanel No 5' question doesn't come into play here, of course; they now know we have a copy of the game.

Eagerly awaiting your pearls of wisdom,

Jane R

Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Autenrieth Road

Shipmate
# 10509

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What's wrong with "Thank you so much, what a delightful gift, we will love playing Munchkin and think of you when we do so." Then give one of the sets away, and don't buy something else (what would be the point, your husband I hope is not advocating telling them "we gave away Munchkin and bought something we like better"?!) And no need to tell the givers that someone else has been given a spare game of Munchkin.

--------------------
Truth

Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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Or why not "We loved it so much, we're giving a copy to X too"?

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Jane R
Shipmate
# 331

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Well, no; Husband isn't advocating telling anyone anything. I'm the one who feels uncomfortable, and I'm mostly uncomfortable with the idea of telling lies. Giving the extra copy away is perfectly sensible.

Hmm. This is probably splitting hairs, but 'Thank you for the present; we love playing Munchkin' is true... it just doesn't contain all the information I have... I think I can live with this.

I'd still like to know what the Ship's Arbiter of Elegance thinks.

Jane R

Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460

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Dear Sine,

where do ladies keep clothes they are intending to wear on more than one day?

I confess that not all ladies of my accquantaince wear everything newly washed every day. I have sometimes seen - forgive me for noticing - the same jumper or skirt used on different days in the same week. I have also heard (this is not a thing one could notice for oneself) of persons - who could under the circumstance hardly be called ladies - wearing the same brassiere on more than one occasion without washing it in the meantime. And there are rumours (I say no more) of exotic fabrics that cannot be washed frequently. Of garments that must be dry-cleaned. Or even not washed at all.

Now men, as we know, are smelly. And although few if any of us would wish to wear the same underpants more than once wihtout washing, we do sometimes wear trousers or jumpers or other such outergarments on successive days. (In my youth I confess I may have worn the same shirt or T-shirt more than once in succession but now I have a job I can afford enough of them to have a new one on every day of the week.)

But women are always criticising us for leaving clothes on the bedroom floor

But where else do we put them? In the dirty washing? Surely not!!!! And they can't mean that we should put them back in the wardrobe or drawers with the clean clothes. [Eek!] [Eek!] [Eek!] [Eek!]

So wear do ladies keep such things?

I think we should be told.

--------------------
Ken

L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.

Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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On hooks on the inside of my closet door (it swings out).
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Rat
Ship's Rat
# 3373

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Well, sorry to shock you, but I hang mine back up in the wardrobe. It's not like they're dirty.

It can't possibly be necessary to wash clothes between every wearing, unless you've sweated all over them or dripped your dinner down them or something. And I can't speak for other ladies, but I very rarely sweat. Blouses I probably wouldn't reuse, mainly because they're likely to need ironing, but uncrumply tops and skirts I'd certainly wear two or even three times before washing.

Not tights or socks or knickers though!

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It's a matter of food and available blood. If motherhood is sacred, put your money where your mouth is. Only then can you expect the coming down to the wrecked & shimmering earth of that miracle you sing about. [Margaret Atwood]

Posts: 5285 | From: A dour region for dour folk | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Emma Louise

Storm in a teapot
# 3571

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I have this dilema ken!!! I often will only wear a "top" once or twice, but trousers and well made skirts really dont seem to be washed so often and im never too sure where to put them, as back in the wardrove seems wrong... Often its over a chair, or on the hook on the back of my door..

(so ken, do people **really** notice if you wear the same thing twice but not in succession?!?! Im about to teach and have a feeling i should add a little more variety to my wardrobe!!)

Posts: 12719 | From: Enid Blyton territory. | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
Telepath
Ship's Steamer Trunk
# 3534

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Jane R, I think your husband is right. It's not like your friends are going to be in an ongoing situation of wasting their money trying to please you... especially not if you are this quick to tell them they've failed [Two face]

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Take emptiness and lying speech far from me, and do not give me poverty or wealth. Give me a living sufficient for me.

Posts: 3509 | From: East Anglia | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
Autenrieth Road

Shipmate
# 10509

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I would like to take issue with ken's assumption that seeing the same items more than once in the same week means they haven't been washed in the meantime. Not that I'm claiming the assumption isn't true as applied to, oh, say, me, for example.

If they're clean enough to be worn again, they're clean enough to go back in my closet. Or else set up a side of the closet for fresh-from-the-laundry and a side for worn-once. Or at the very least fold them up neatly and put them on top of the dresser.

I'm curious about how this concern goes along with men's suits, the trousers of which surely are not dry-cleaned every time between wearings.

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Truth

Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Ronja
Shipmate
# 4693

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I tend to keep my "worn once" clothes in a pile on the floor (my husband does the same) but this is not an arrangement we are happy with. Thank you for posting about this ken, I will steal some of the suggestions of other posters!

(but... putting them back in the wardrobe just feels so... wrong!)

Posts: 742 | From: Up North | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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quote:
Originally posted by ken:
Dear Sine,

*snip*

But women are always criticising us for leaving clothes on the bedroom floor

*snip*

So wear do ladies keep such things?


on the bedroom floor. occasionally draped over a chair. or the bed. or the door of the bedroom.

Definition of "lady" may be up for debate....
[Biased]

comet

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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Campbellite

Ut unum sint
# 1202

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quote:
Originally posted by Emma.:
(so ken, do people **really** notice if you wear the same thing twice but not in succession?!?!)

Emma, Today, while waiting to have blood drawn, I read the following in a magazine:

At twenty, we worry about what others think of us.
At forty, we no longer care what others think of us.
At sixty, we realize they never were thinking about us.

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I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?

Posts: 12001 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
Emma Louise

Storm in a teapot
# 3571

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thats fantastic [Smile] I should stop worrying!
Posts: 12719 | From: Enid Blyton territory. | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
Custard
Shipmate
# 5402

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The problem, surely, with putting them back in the wardrobe is that if you wear item X and know that one wearing is not enough to necessitate washing, then you could just keep wearing it and putting it back in the wardrobe.

For my part, I have a box for such things. Sometimes it overflows.

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blog
Adam's likeness, Lord, efface;
Stamp thine image in its place.


Posts: 4523 | From: Snot's Place | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged
Autenrieth Road

Shipmate
# 10509

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That's why you could have a system like one end of the wardrobe for the once-worns and the other for the not-yet-worns. Or a series of numbered tags to hang around the hangers saying how many times it's been worn. Or have few enough clothes that you can remember what's been worn when. Or a box for them.

Clothes on the floor make the baby Jesus cry.

Nobody has yet answered about men's suit trousers. Perhaps only Sine Himself can answer that one.

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Truth

Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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Oh for Heaven's sake! I take one night off for a date to go see Brokeback Mountain and look what happens around here. I guess I should have come straight home from work rather than go to the multiplex to see two hunky cowboys barebacking in the wilderness.

I'll tend to this in the morning.

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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(blatantly ill-mannered question)

So how'd it go? First base, second base, rug burns?

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34

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Advice I have heard is to air clothes and footware before putting them back in the wardrobe. Pop the clothes on a hanger(or the back of the chair) and let them hang on the outside of the wardrobe over night, then pop them into the wardrope in the morning.

This was from an article in Good Houskeeping on how to get the best out of your clothes.

Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
ecumaniac

Ship's whipping girl
# 376

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We have a clothes-hanger-on-wheels in the laundry. Clothes on the left side have been taken in from the line and are awaiting ironing. Clothes on the right side have been "worn once" and can be worn again later. (Our laundry is next to the bathroom, where I routinely get changed.)

As for wearing the same thing twice, I never do it with shirts (the ironing thing) but a skirt will last me a week, except in the heights of summer (the sweating thing).

If my students notice, they never say anything. It's also slightly disguised by the fact that I own 3 blue skirts and about a million black ones.

However, every now and then, there'll be a day when about 10 students, one at a time, say to me, "Miss Ecumaniac, you're looking very nice today!" [Paranoid]

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it's a secret club for people with a knitting addiction, hiding under the cloak of BDSM - Catrine

Posts: 2901 | From: Cambridge | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
R.A.M.
Shipmate
# 7390

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I find a reasonable chair (one with a curved back) makes a very good location for, say, a jacket and pair of trousers - the former over the back, the latter folded as if to hang and then draped over the jacket or folded again and put on the chair's seat; afterall your going to wear them reletively soon. Jeans and waistcoats can be treated in the same way - as can a shirt (I suggest this with the assumption it was worn with a t-shirt and thus was never in direct contact with armpits; or at the least was only worn for a short period and not given time to be soiled) Jumpers like jeans can be folded onto the seat. I rewear most of outer layers quite a lot as I can't really afford regular dry-cleaning; and can only handwash when I am in Bradford (my sink here is just about big enough to do hankies in - but they go in the machine anyway)

There you have it - every bedroom should have a nice simple curved back wooden chair.

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Formerly Real Ale Methodist
Back after prolonged absence...

Posts: 1584 | From: (Sunshine on) Leith | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Dormouse

Glis glis – Ship's rodent
# 5954

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Ok, following on from this discussion...
Mr D has a huge thick pullover which he has worn twice for half a day each wearing. This with a T-shirt underneath (so never in direct contact with armpits). It will require handwashing & then take FOREVER to dry in our cold little house. I feel disinclined to wash it for these reasons and so it languishes in the dirty linen basket (probably getting smellier as undies are dropped on it...)
He is working hard for me in London & returning to the Homestead at ten-day intervals, so I really feel I can't demand he should wash it if he wants to be so pernickerty.
So I suppose I should bite the bullet. And wash the jumper.

Actually I don't know what my question was, but I think I've answered it... [Hot and Hormonal]

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What are you doing for Lent?
40 days, 40 reflections, 40 acts of generosity. Join the #40acts challenge for #Lent and let's start a movement. www.40acts.org.uk

Posts: 3042 | From: 'twixt les Bois Noirs & Les Monts de la Madeleine | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
Rat
Ship's Rat
# 3373

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quote:
Originally posted by Dormouse:
He is working hard for me in London & returning to the Homestead at ten-day intervals, so I really feel I can't demand he should wash it if he wants to be so pernickerty.
So I suppose I should bite the bullet. And wash the jumper.

Actually I don't know what my question was, but I think I've answered it... [Hot and Hormonal]

I know I'm a horrible slob, but I think if it's only been worn over a t-shirt I'd give it a quick iron, hang it up to air for a day then put it back in the wardrobe. He'll never notice that it hasn't been washed in the interim.

(Unless there's chocolate smeared down the front or the socks in the washing basket have made it really revolting, of course).

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It's a matter of food and available blood. If motherhood is sacred, put your money where your mouth is. Only then can you expect the coming down to the wrecked & shimmering earth of that miracle you sing about. [Margaret Atwood]

Posts: 5285 | From: A dour region for dour folk | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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Anything that directly touches the skin is only worn once, although if I've worn a dress shirt to church with an undershirt on beneath it, and only for a couple of hours, I'll think twice before dropping it in the pile to go to the laundry.

Sweaters are turned inside-out and put on wooden hangers overnight before going back in the sweater drawer.

Trousers are put on those clamping trouser hangers with a plastic clip on the fly so they hang straight overnight. Jackets go on shaped wooden hangers.

The advantage of having a large walk-in shower is that I have a very long shower curtain rod to hang things on.

Winter suits obviously don't have to go to the cleaners as often as summer suits.

Ties should be wrapped around your hand and left standing on their side on a hard surface before you re-roll them and put them back in their box. NEVER hang good ties on a tie hanger. Always roll them for storage.

I don't think anyone has mentioned shoes. Always put cedar (not plastic) shoe trees in your shoes as soon as you take them off and never wear the same leather shoes two days running.

Did I miss anything? It's early here.

(I mean a lot of this is common sense. If your clothes smell and are wrinkled, here's a clue: wash them. If not, they're Ok for another wearing.)

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:
Some close friends gave us a copy of 'Munchkin' (a card game) for Christmas. But we already have it. My husband thinks we should keep quiet and give the extra copy to some other friends (who as far as we know don't have it) so as not to waste it, and spend an equivalent amount of money on something we don't have. I would prefer to be honest about it and tell them. Which of us is right?

People get so excited about gifts and what to 'do' about them. I personally would get more excited about them if somebody would write in to say they had been given two nearly identical 10 carat diamond solitaires for Christmas and didn't know what to do about it. If that's happening they seem to be figuring out the 'problem' for themselves.

But no, we've got two identical card games here. The answer is you just...thank them. 'Thank-you so much. You're so thoughtful. We'll really enjoy it.' Then next time you're decluttering you say "Oh look. We've got two sets of 'Munchkin'. I wonder if the cleaning lady would like one? Or Bob and Sue? Or the Salvation Army. Or the garbage can?"

And why your husband thinks he deserves an extra present of his own choosing just because he didn't like one of this year's gifts, I haven't a clue. He seems to have a highly developed sense of entitlement somehow.

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
(blatantly ill-mannered question)

So how'd it go? First base, second base, rug burns?

You must have more exciting mid-week movie dates than I do to even ask that question. It was whatever's before 'first base', which in this case was "Enjoyed the movie. See ya."

There. I think I'm caught up for now.

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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...

Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Amazing Grace

High Church Protestant
# 95

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Dear Sine,

I have a dilemma.

Due to a combination of a work deadline that was literally making me crazy and various winter bugs, I have not yet gotten around to doing holiday cards. Something had to give and that was it. (My shopping, thank God, was done before Thanksgiving.)

The Twelve Days are rapidly passing if you know what I mean and I'm still feeling a bit poorly. (And in a bit of a "guilt trap", which doesn't help matters.)

I have some New Year's cards, but am wondering if I should bag it and make some Valentine's cards (I like making Valentines and like sending them out far and wide) and try to send them out early with a brief explanation. That is what I did the year my grandmother died at Christmas, but on the other hand it seems like a cop-out.

I seek your advice on how to recover from this gracefully.

Charlotte

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WTFWED? "Remember to always be yourself, unless you suck" - the Gator
Memory Eternal! Sheep 3, Phil the Wise Guy, and Jesus' Evil Twin in the SoF Nativity Play

Posts: 6593 | From: Sittin' by the dock of the [SF] bay | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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Related to once-worn clothes:

I have been searching for a valet-stand (I think that's what they are called) for ages - you know with a hanger at the top and rail you hand your trousers over and a tray for the contents of your pockets*. Does anyone know where you get these in the UK. Also isn't this supposed to be the solution unless you actually employ a ladies maid or a valet ?

Doublethink

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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Telepath
Ship's Steamer Trunk
# 3534

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Amazing Grace, you're not the only one in this situation. I'm facing the same problem.

On the one hand, there's no actual mannerly obligation to send out Christmas cards. On the other hand, it's bad enough I haven't been in touch with these people all year, now I'm not even sending them a Christmas card?!? [Ultra confused]

I'm just going to do a better job of keeping in touch with people by sending an email, a letter, or a phone call a day to a friend or relative. Cards aren't as good as those things anyway - too brief, because I have dozens of them to write.

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Take emptiness and lying speech far from me, and do not give me poverty or wealth. Give me a living sufficient for me.

Posts: 3509 | From: East Anglia | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
Autenrieth Road

Shipmate
# 10509

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Dear Sine,

I have been given two nearly identical 10 carat diamond solitaires for Christmas. I have almost made up my mind to which of the two gentlemen I shall give my hand. May I return the other ring to the gentleman I will not be marrying, and ask him for something else instead? I'm thinking a sapphire ring would be just the thing, blue being my favorite color and all. What do you think?

Sincerely,
__AR

(oh, well, not really. just trying to give you some excitement [Smile] )

--------------------
Truth

Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged



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