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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Dear Sine...
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by kinder:
Dear Sine-
Is the correct wording
"an" habitual or "a" habitual?
Sincerely,
kinder
"a habitual", unless of course you're in the 'abit of dropping your aitches.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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kinder
Shipmate
# 8886
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
quote:
Originally posted by kinder:
Dear Sine-
Is the correct wording
"an" habitual or "a" habitual?
Sincerely,
kinder
"a habitual", unless of course you're in the 'abit of dropping your aitches.
Thank you. As a born and bred So. Californian, dropping my "h" would be a bit affected. However, for some reason "an" sounded better to my ear (but I used "a" anyway).
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"I can actually say that after 4 1/2 years of therapy and intense spiritual healing, I no longer hate George Bush. But at the same time, I have committed my life to his overthrow. I mean 'overthrow' in a loving, Christian way...."
Posts: 126 | From: NY | Registered: Dec 2004
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Campbellite
Ut unum sint
# 1202
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Thirdly, I am told that Americans do not drink tea as God intended, but instead have it cold <snip> When visiting New York should I take my own teapot?
Any other advice you can suggest for a Briton visiting our former colony would be most appreciated.
With thanks
Chapelhead
While these united States began as British colonies, those days are long past. It would be helpful to note that while here, you are in a foreign land, oddly familiar and disturbingly strange at the same time. Resign yourself to the fact that Americans are incapable of making a decent cuppa.
Sample the exotic cuisine offered. Try not to compare us too harshly with the Mother Country. Two and a quarter centuries have elapsed, and subtle differences have emerged. Embrace the cultural variety. (We certainly have.)
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I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?
Posts: 12001 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Aug 2001
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Niënna
Ship's Lotus Blossom
# 4652
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
quote:
Originally posted by Joyfulsoul:
I have a friend who is suffering from a relationship that is just not meant to be. What is the best advice to help her get over the guy?
P.S. the guy is not a jerk.
I can't tell here. Have they broken up or are you trying to break them up (for her own good of course.)?
My grandmother's stock answer was "there are plenty of fish in the sea" but I always found that remarkably unhelpful.
I could bare my soul here and remark on a similar problem that moi (Yes, even I have problems - that's why I'm qualified for this thread.) is having.
As you said, some things are just not meant to be. But we want what we want and try to fix things or manipulate things to make them turn out the way we want them to. Your friend has no control over this other person. She can't make him feel the way she wants him to. Ask her if she finds that she's adjusting herself, changing herself, or in some other way not being her true self around this guy in an effort to make it work.
If so, ask her if she would really want to go through life that way, and if she thinks her real self isn't wonderful and valuable and won't be truly appreciated by someone down the road.
Of course what will probably happen is that she'll bitch and moan to you about her unsatisfactory relationship for months and months until some other loser shows up. Then you can hear about him until you're ready to ![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif) .
My friend has broken up (it was mutual) - but her heart has not recovered. Your sage advice was greatly appreciated. Thank you.
sincerely,
Joyfulsoul
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[Nino points a gun at Chiki]
Nino: Now... tell me. Who started the war?
Chiki: [long pause] We did.
~No Man's Land
Posts: 2298 | From: Purgatory | Registered: Jun 2003
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share a ferret
Shipmate
# 8975
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Posted
Dear Sine
I am fortunate enough to be going to Africa this summer with Tearfund to do some aid work for three weeks. The business of one of my friend's parents kindly gave me £100 towards the cost of going. I have now managed to misplace this cheque and can't find it anywhere, I fear it has been chucked out by accident. Would it be ok to ask for another cheque because i lost the one he sent me, and if so, can i talk to his daughter or do i have to speak/write to him?
Yours in anticipation, Ferret.
Posts: 92 | From: The Family Room (UK) | Registered: Jan 2005
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Dear Sine
I am intending to visit the United States of America this autumn (or “fall”, as you would so quaintly put it). More specifically I will be in New York, and there are a number of questions with which I’m sure you can assist me.
The first conundrum I have is this: I was brought up to understand that eating in public, especially in the street, and except at proper picnics, should not be undertaken (and on this side of the pond we are particularly aware of how adherence to this principle assisted in the downfall of Communism). However, I am led to believe that one of the great culinary delicacies to be had in New York is the hot-dog (or “dogs”, as I think they are sometimes known). As these seem to be sold by street vendors, is it permissible to eat them in the street without attracting opprobrium? Alternatively, could you suggest any suitable (types of) restaurant where I might enquire as to whether they serve dogs?
Secondly: Although I am not a great watcher of television, I have occasionally seen television programmes (or should that be “programs”?) set in New York, such as Friends and Will and Grace. I gather from these that it is customary when living in apartment blocks in “The big apple” (or am I thinking of “the top banana”?) to leave one’s front door unlocked so one’s friends and neighbours can enter without having the bother of knocking and being let in. Should I also adopt this practice with my hotel room?
Thirdly, I am told that Americans do not drink tea as God intended, but instead have it cold (possibly something to do with getting into a tizzy over the subject of tea some time ago). Also from television and films, I gather that New York is highly susceptible to unfortunate incidents, such as alien invasions, assault by master criminals and attack by Godzilla. In such circumstances having a really good cup of tea would seem most advisable. When visiting New York should I take my own teapot?
Any other advice you can suggest for a Briton visiting our former colony would be most appreciated.
With thanks
Chapelhead
My, aren't you the brave one. Gotham, as we all know, is Wicked™. It exists so those of us who live in decent, God-fearing sorts of towns have a place to go to do nasty things we wouldn't dream of doing back home...that, and to see Broadway shows, of course. Therefore normal standards of behavior do not apply. So live it up. Eat hot dogs on the street. Leave your door unlocked and try to make new friends (This works better if you're staying at the YMCA). Who's gonna know?
As for the tea, your best bet is to leave your paraphernalia at home and then complain loudly to the wait-person in a high-pitched, whiny, hoity-toity sort of English voice "I say, old chap, this tea is perfectly dreadful!" I'm sure he or she will jump to make it right and will be grateful for the correction.
I expect some of our NYC shipmates may be along shortly with a different point of view.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
Chapelhead, you're going to hate the way hot tea is made here. Even in very good restaurants they will bring you a pot of water that's already starting to cool and a selection of teabags if you order hot tea; you then have to paw through the teabags to find the least objectionable and plunk it in the water way too late. If you're going to NY in the summer it's going to be hot anyway, so why not drink what the natives drink: iced tea, lemonade, soft drinks, or beer.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28
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Posted
did someone mention new york shipmates? ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
first on a serious note, chaplehead, you _will_ let us know when you'll be here, won't you? the new york shipmates may not be as organized as the californianians, or the nashville mafia, but we do like to have the excuse of a visiting shipmate for a meet.
secondly, street eating is not only appropriate, but one of the great joys of nyc. in fact, in certain areas, the only cheap, quickly available source for a worker to have breakfast or lunch is the traveling "roach-coach".
thirdly, it is only in the southern portions of the country that ordering "tea" will get you iced tea. in these parts, "tea" will get you the hot beverage. weather it will get you a teabag and a pot of water, or a cup brewed properly depends on where you are, but it will at least be hot.
leaving your door unlocked is not recomended.
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On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!
Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001
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Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28
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Posted
oh, and lastly, although nyc has on occasion been devastated by giant lizards*, our usual monster du jour is giant apes.
*twice that i can think of, once by the beast from 20000 fathoms, and once by godzilla.
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On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!
Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
Dear Sine,
I too intend to visit the United States of America this Summer. More specifically - Florida. Whilst I'm prepared for the inevitable hoots of laughter from Shipmates at my deplorable lack of good taste at choosing such a destination, I'm nevertheless alarmed at Mad Geo's advice in the 'Dress for Success' thread, to wit:
quote:
Florida - Disco clothes and mixes of colors and prints you wouldn't see in nature, nor would you want to.
This poses a sartorial dilemma for a Brit whose normal attire consists of Jumper Polo shirts, navy M and S jeans and woolly Burberry (pre 'Chav' era) cardigan. The words 'cheap' and 'mutton dressed as lamb' come to mind.
Tell me, Sine, what should I do? ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif)
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Viola
Administrator
# 20
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Posted
Dear Sine,
I have an event coming up this weekend, which I'm sure would benefit from your wisdom and input.
I am due to meet the parents of Fabulous New Boyfriend for Sunday Lunch - hosted by mother of FNB. Also present will be the brother and sister-in-law of FNB with their 2 year old son. The lunch is in honour of the birthday of FNB's brother, but it will also be the first opportunity that the parents have to check me out.
I think I can manage on the smart casual dress side of things, so my question really hinges on who should receive gifts.
I have met brother, sister-in-law and toddler very briefly. Toddler was frightened of me. Does he need a present in an 'oh yes you can buy love' kind of way? Should I buy a birthday gift for brother of FNB, or stick with a reasonably tasteful card? Should I take flowers for the mother of FNB? I think I'm excused from bringing a bottle to the table as the parents are strict and teetotal Methodists, and FNB is lapsed and knows far more about wine than I do anyway.
Yours - wishing to create good impression without appearing smarmy,
Viola.
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"If ye love me, keep my commandments" John 14:15
"Commandment number one: shut the hell up." Erin Etheredge 1971-2010
Posts: 4345 | From: West of England | Registered: May 2001
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jlg
What is this place?
Why am I here?
# 98
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Viola:
Toddler was frightened of me. Does he need a present in an 'oh yes you can buy love' kind of way?
While we're waiting for Sine to share his wisdom on the overall situation, may I suggest that you plan to have a small trinket of some sort (feel free to consult with a knowledgable relative for suggestions) tucked away in your purse or pocket. Nothing fancy, nothing fancily-wrapped-up, and definitely not to be presented at first meeting. At some point in the middle or at the end of the lunch when you are already interacting with the toddler, you can suddenly say "Oh, I nearly forgot! You might like this". It helps if it is something which requires a bit of demonstration (a Jacob's Ladder or finger-puppet or whatever), but can then be handed over to the child without requiring further interaction unless the child seeks you out.
Toddlers are quite sensible little humans who look at you and think "Who are you and why are you talking to me?" when meeting strangers. It is best to make brief friendly overtures (including a present is fine) but then withdraw your attention and allow them to watch you interact with the adults they know and trust so they can check you out.
Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by share a ferret:
Dear Sine
I am fortunate enough to be going to Africa this summer with Tearfund to do some aid work for three weeks. The business of one of my friend's parents kindly gave me £100 towards the cost of going. I have now managed to misplace this cheque and can't find it anywhere, I fear it has been chucked out by accident. Would it be ok to ask for another cheque because i lost the one he sent me, and if so, can i talk to his daughter or do i have to speak/write to him?
Yours in anticipation, Ferret.
Oh dear. How embarrassing. Frankly, people who accidentally throw away £100 checks probably shouldn't be going to Africa. Probably shouldn't even attempt a weekend in Bognor Regis for that matter.
Well you can't go through the daughter. It wasn't her £100 check you lost, now was it? So you have to speak to her father. He needs to know why the check hasn't cleared. And you can't really ask for a replacement since it was charity after all. The best you can do, I think, it explain, in a manly forthright sort of way, that you have misplaced the check, are terribly sorry and wanted him to know so his accountant could stop payment on it and take it off the books.
Then shut up.
If God is on your side the father will then offer to replace it and with much hemming and hawing and extravagant expressions of gratitude you can accept it.
But how about you go straight to the bank this time?
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Miffy:
I'm nevertheless alarmed at Mad Geo's advice in the 'Dress for Success' thread, to wit:
quote:
Florida - Disco clothes and mixes of colors and prints you wouldn't see in nature, nor would you want to.
This poses a sartorial dilemma for a Brit whose normal attire consists of Jumper Polo shirts, navy M and S jeans and woolly Burberry (pre 'Chav' era) cardigan. The words 'cheap' and 'mutton dressed as lamb' come to mind.
Tell me, Sine, what should I do?
You're going to have to buy some vacation clothes anyway. Florida is damn hot and muggy in the summer so I doubt you've got much in your wardrobe that's appropriate. But people are going to know you're a furriner as soon as you open your mouth so their expectations will be low to begin with. Besides, they live off tourists down there and have seen far worse than you. You should see the Canadians.
So just buy the coolest, lightest things you can find locally. They will doubtlessly be in light summery colors. You will blend in better than if you were wearing loud print fabrics you weren't comfortable in.
You wouldn't look right dressed like a resident unless you already had a deep, dark tan like an expensive Italian shoe and your husband had his shirt unbuttoned to his navel and was wearing a zillion gold chains.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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The Bede's American Successor
Curmudgeon-in-Training
# 5042
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Any other advice you can suggest for a Briton visiting our former colony would be most appreciated.
With thanks
Chapelhead
Are you making reference to what is a former Dutch colony? The same former Dutch colony with a gift from France in its harbor?
Advice: Try not to be too shocked when you arrive. (And try Uncle Sine's suggestion when staying at the YMCA.)
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This was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride of wealth and food in plenty, comfort and ease, and yet she never helped the poor and the wretched.
—Ezekiel 16.49
Posts: 6079 | From: The banks of Possession Sound | Registered: Oct 2003
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Viola:
so my question really hinges on who should receive gifts.
I have met brother, sister-in-law and toddler very briefly. Toddler was frightened of me. Does he need a present in an 'oh yes you can buy love' kind of way? Should I buy a birthday gift for brother of FNB, or stick with a reasonably tasteful card? Should I take flowers for the mother of FNB?
So ostensibly you are your FNB's date at his brother's birthday lunch. But the reality is you're being checked out. How much simpler it would have been had they separated the two events, but they did not. Ah well. So you've got to deal with both the text and the subtext.
Being invited to a birthday celebration for someone you hardly know is awkward. Definitely no present for the brother. Even a card is a little iffy in my opinion. You don't know the man. Yet it is his birthday.
Do you bake? My suggestion would be to bake a batch of cookies and put them into two tins or baskets. Give one to the mother and the other to the brother. The cookies will excite the child and hopefully he will have good thoughts of you as the provider of such largesse. Moreover you have provided a gift that didn't "cost money", wasn't too personal, yet shows you are thoughtful, domestic, and good wife material.
Anyway, that's what I think. Good luck. You'll need it.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
So just buy the coolest, lightest things you can find locally.
Alternatively, you can wait until you arrive in FL to buy your vacation duds. I've no idea what cost of clothes are here as compared to your neck o' Britain, so you might want to do some checking.
I guarantee you whatever you buy in FL won't be available in your home neighborhood, so, depending on your taste for spectacle, that might either be a very scary thing or a very good thing.
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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction
My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com
Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002
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Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Bede's American Successor:
quote:
Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Any other advice you can suggest for a Briton visiting our former colony would be most appreciated.Chapelhead
Are you making reference to what is a former Dutch colony? The same former Dutch colony with a gift from France in its harbor?
Ah, but everybody in Holland watches the BBC, so they practically count as British now.
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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Peronel
The typo slayer
# 569
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Posted
KenWritez, clothes in the US are very much cheaper than the UK (half the price or less) so, if you like shopping, then it's worth taking an empty suitcase and scheduling at least one day at the mall.
Actually, that's financially worth it if you don't like shopping. I do all my major clothes shopping once a year, off-season, in detroit. The amount I save more than covers the flight.
Peronel.
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Lord, I have sinned, and mine iniquity.
Deserves this hell; yet Lord deliver me.
Posts: 2367 | From: A self-inflicted exile | Registered: Jun 2001
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KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Peronel:
I do all my major clothes shopping once a year, off-season, in detroit.
Yeah, but doesn't the fact of having to be in Detroit ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) negate all the good? Why not go to the garment districts in NY or in L.A.? Infinitely less expensive there.
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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction
My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com
Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002
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Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Peronel:
I do all my major clothes shopping once a year, off-season, in detroit. The amount I save more than covers the flight.
Good golly, girl. Is there another, more pressing reason you have to go to Detroit? Surely you could fly to Chicago just as cheaply, and I can guarantee the shopping advantages would be worth it. What's in Detroit? Besides, you can do off-season shopping cheaply just about anywhere.
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Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.
Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
Ah well. ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif) I'll take myself back off to the Summer Fashions thread.
(Miffy who really really wishes she hadn't started to read the Thunderstorms thread.) ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
[ 15. June 2005, 18:51: Message edited by: Miffy ]
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Peronel
The typo slayer
# 569
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Posted
Detroit also contains my best friend and her wife, so it offers a chance to catch up and spend time together, as well as free accomodation.
There's also the most tacky catholic church in christendom, complete with light up phallic tower. What more could I want?
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Lord, I have sinned, and mine iniquity.
Deserves this hell; yet Lord deliver me.
Posts: 2367 | From: A self-inflicted exile | Registered: Jun 2001
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Papio
Ship's baboon
# 4201
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Peronel:
There's also the most tacky catholic church in christendom, complete with light up phallic tower.
I now want to see it, so that I can ascertain exactly how tacky it is. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Infinite Penguins.
My "Readit, Swapit" page
My "LibraryThing" page
Posts: 12176 | From: a zoo in England. | Registered: Mar 2003
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
Sine, I desperately need your advice.
Yesterday, I went to visit one of the seniors from our congregation. She was in a local intensive care/chronic care hospital, awaiting placement in a nursing home when a space becomes available.
Her 4 adult children, while not able to contribute a great deal financially, are all very hardworking, well liked members of our congregation. Two sing in the choir, one leads the youth group, one is our Sunday school superintendent.
Anyhow, because the dear old soul often spoke of the lovely peony garden she had when she still owned her home, I took her a large bouquet of peonies from our back garden. Unfortunately, they were infested with ants, which did not show themselves during the brief trip to the hospital.
Unfortuantely again, the woman who shared her hospital room is deathly alergic to fire ants.
When that woman's oldest daughter arrived for a visit and saw the ants (they were NOT fire ants!) she took it upon herself to smash the window in the hospital room, toss the flowers into the parking lot, scream at the hospital administrator, and launch a lawsuit against the hospital, the city, and the county.
Unfortunately yet again, a nursing home bed came available that same day in a community 60 KM away. Under normal circumstances, the woman probably would have been allowed to wait for one closer to her family. It seems, however, that they must now either agree to her placement, where her room would be covered under medicare, or begin paying $3500 per day for the "true cost" of her hospital bed. The family can't afford to make that choice, and she will be sent 60 KMs away tomorrow.
The family, it seems, is unable to make the commute to that community on anything approaching a regular basis, so, tragicly, the woman is destined to die alone, forgotten, far from home and family - all because of my peony bouquet.
What should I say to the family, Sine?
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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Peronel
The typo slayer
# 569
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Papio.:
quote:
Originally posted by Peronel:
There's also the most tacky catholic church in christendom, complete with light up phallic tower.
I now want to see it, so that I can ascertain exactly how tacky it is.
Try here. Click on virtual tour. THe angels on the tower, I'm told, have the face of the bishop responsible for its erection. It's not so bad in daylight but at night the Christ-on-erect-phallus tower is light up in the appropriate liturgical colour. Once I saw it purple. Very goth.
I've yet to discover if, twice a year, it actually goes pink. I do hope so.
Peronel.
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Lord, I have sinned, and mine iniquity.
Deserves this hell; yet Lord deliver me.
Posts: 2367 | From: A self-inflicted exile | Registered: Jun 2001
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birdie
fowl
# 2173
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Viola:
Toddler was frightened of me. Does he need a present in an 'oh yes you can buy love' kind of way?
Top tip regarding toddlers and all small children: They know when you are trying too hard.
A toddler can spot the type of adult who wants to be adored by small children at 100 paces and will avoid them like the plague. Say "hullo toddler" in a friendly but not gushy way, then get on with talking to the grown-ups. Mr birdie won the undying adoration of one of my nephews in this way, while people who try harder are more or less ignored.
jlg's suggestion of a small trinket to be casually produced without song-and-dance is a good one. A bottle of bubbles has always worked well for me in this type of situation, but be careful of blowing bubbles indoors - not that good for the furniture, perhaps.
All the best; they can't fail to like you!
b (still known as 'the bubble lady' by some of the small children in church)
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"Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness."
Captain Jack Sparrow
Posts: 1290 | From: the edge | Registered: Jan 2002
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welsh dragon
Shipmate
# 3249
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Posted
Haven't seen a Church of the Little Flower before. My late Dad had a strong devotion to St Therese of Lisieux and would have been in his element with this. Believe me, though, a church dedicated to this patron saint has a great deal more intrinsic potential for tacky-ness. Illuminated flying artificial roses & etc.
[ 15. June 2005, 19:50: Message edited by: welsh dragon ]
Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002
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Peronel
The typo slayer
# 569
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by welsh dragon:
Believe me, though, a church dedicated to this patron saint has a great deal more intrinsic potential for tacky-ness. Illuminated flying artificial roses & etc.
They have them. Not to mention a particularly cross-eyed statue of the saint in question.
It's not so much any particular item that's tacky, it's the overall effect. No surface that could be decorated has been left plain; there are enough side chapels for every day of the month and enough statues for every day of the year; and all of them are in exactly that sort of over-sentimental disney-coloured finish much loved of certain christian stores.
Plus the whole thing stands next to an IHOP. The contrast is too much.
[ 15. June 2005, 19:56: Message edited by: Peronel ]
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Lord, I have sinned, and mine iniquity.
Deserves this hell; yet Lord deliver me.
Posts: 2367 | From: A self-inflicted exile | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk:
Sine, I desperately need your advice.
Yesterday, I went to visit one of the seniors from our congregation. She was in a local intensive care/chronic care hospital, awaiting placement in a nursing home when a space becomes available.
Her 4 adult children, while not able to contribute a great deal financially, are all very hardworking, well liked members of our congregation. Two sing in the choir, one leads the youth group, one is our Sunday school superintendent.
Anyhow, because the dear old soul often spoke of the lovely peony garden she had when she still owned her home, I took her a large bouquet of peonies from our back garden. Unfortunately, they were infested with ants, which did not show themselves during the brief trip to the hospital.
Unfortuantely again, the woman who shared her hospital room is deathly alergic to fire ants.
When that woman's oldest daughter arrived for a visit and saw the ants (they were NOT fire ants!) she took it upon herself to smash the window in the hospital room, toss the flowers into the parking lot, scream at the hospital administrator, and launch a lawsuit against the hospital, the city, and the county.
Unfortunately yet again, a nursing home bed came available that same day in a community 60 KM away. Under normal circumstances, the woman probably would have been allowed to wait for one closer to her family. It seems, however, that they must now either agree to her placement, where her room would be covered under medicare, or begin paying $3500 per day for the "true cost" of her hospital bed. The family can't afford to make that choice, and she will be sent 60 KMs away tomorrow.
The family, it seems, is unable to make the commute to that community on anything approaching a regular basis, so, tragicly, the woman is destined to die alone, forgotten, far from home and family - all because of my peony bouquet.
What should I say to the family, Sine?
"Shit happens."
But smile gently in a warm, priestly sort of way when you say it. Sometimes it's not what we say, it's the way we say it.
(Actually, Mr. Gutzywuk, I think you've won the prize for Best Problem of the Week. Except that there isn't one.)
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Josephine
Orthodox Belle
# 3899
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk:
Unfortunately yet again, a nursing home bed came available that same day in a community 60 KM away. Under normal circumstances, the woman probably would have been allowed to wait for one closer to her family. It seems, however, that they must now either agree to her placement, where her room would be covered under medicare, or begin paying $3500 per day for the "true cost" of her hospital bed.
Can she accept the distant placement on a temporary basis, and ask the folks at that nursing home to help her get placed in one closer to her family? I would think that's something the social workers would be able to help make happen.
You could also use the Eldercare Locator service to find a longterm care ombudsman in your area, or other services that might be able to help. Your state probably has a department or office of senior services which might be able to provide referrals.
Another, somewhat drastic, option, if the woman and her family are all agreeable, is to contact the local newspaper and see if they are interested in doing a story about what happened. It could give them a nice personal hook into a story about eldercare issues. And it could shame the hospital into doing the right thing, or open up doors in other ways.
And, FWIW, Sine's answer isn't that far off base. When I once found myself in a terribly difficult situation, one dear friend responded by saying, "Oh, shit." Surprisingly, that was a tremendously comforting response -- far more comforting that the responses from people who were trying too hard to be encouraging and supportive. She understood. It helped.
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I've written a book! Catherine's Pascha: A celebration of Easter in the Orthodox Church. It's a lovely book for children. Take a look!
Posts: 10273 | From: Pacific Northwest, USA | Registered: Jan 2003
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John Holding
Coffee and Cognac
# 158
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Posted
Josephine --
What you suggest is probably good advice in the abstract, but reading between the lines and knowing a little bit about the situation in most provinces of Canada (I think Jerry is in Ontario or BC but I don't know), the poor woman's family probably doesn't have the options you suggest. Because her family has insufficient private resources, they are dependent on what is available that is subsidized. If they had the resources, they wouldn't have the problem. They've already been most of the places you suggest and done all they can do to get to their present place.
And I think Jerry's problem is that he realizes that although he acted with the best of intentions, he is the only reason the family is facing this situation. And that he can't fix it. And he wants to help the family, but can't see how anything he says or does will do anything but make them rememeber that he is the reason their mother is being shunted off to a place where they won't be able to see her much or help her.
(Of course, it is possible Jerry has not misunderstood the nature of this thread and is having a laugh at us taking an imaginary problem seriously. But the framework around the situation makes it plausible that it's real. I don't know that Sine is really in a position to help with the real world.)
John
Posts: 5929 | From: Ottawa, Canada | Registered: May 2001
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Paige
Shipmate
# 2261
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by John Holding:
(Of course, it is possible Jerry has not misunderstood the nature of this thread and is having a laugh at us taking an imaginary problem seriously.
Ummm....given that Jerry is claiming that all of this happened in one day (from ants, to lawsuit, to granny being chucked out of the nursing home), I think you can assume he's taking the piss.
(I love using those British expressions... )
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Sister Jackhammer of Quiet Reflection
Posts: 886 | From: Sweet Tea Land, USA | Registered: Jan 2002
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rugasaw
Shipmate
# 7315
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Posted
Fire ants don't live in Canada. I think that either a leg is being pulled or some one should contact a newspaper like Josephine suggested.
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Treat the earth well, It was not given to you by your parents. It was loaned to you by your children. -Unknown
Posts: 2716 | From: Houston | Registered: Jun 2004
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Would anybody like to buy a bridge? I believe Jere has one for sale.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Would anybody like to buy a bridge? I believe Jere has one for sale.
O ye of little faith (and perhaps a little too much experience!)
I have no bridge for sale to any of you; however, I am taking bids on the Parliament buildings in Ottawa; they aren't being used for anything other than a circus now anyway.
The word Parliament, by the way, comes from the French word Parle, to speak, and the Latin Mente, the bull.
The word means to speak a load of bull. So perhaps it is working the way it should be, after all.
Anyway, the building is now listed by me for sale - check it out on E-Bay.
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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Eliab
Shipmate
# 9153
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Posted
Dear Sine,
Another marital difficulty from the house of Eliab:
Mrs Eliab’s mother has come to stay for the weekend. In due course, she asked my dear wife when we last turned our mattress. I assumed this was some sort of obscure euphemism, but no, further enquiry reveals that Mrs E senior considers it necessary to flip mattresses over every two months. So the springs wear more evenly, apparently. A mattress will wear out in ten years (which is news to me) but if left unturned, might need replacing after a mere eight.
As I’d been at work all day, it’s currently bloody hot, and as I know very well which muggins in the Eliab household will now be told off to do this inconvenient and pointless thing, I did my best to convince her otherwise.
I tried reason (“If I don’t lug an awkward heavy object about every eight weeks for the rest of my life, and I live another seventy years, I’ll need to buy one extra mattress over all that time? I think I can live with that”). I tried rhetoric (“Here is sanity <extends left arm> here you are: <extends right arm> between them there is a great gulf fixed”). I even tried honestly expressing my feelings (“By all God’s holy saints in heaven, you’re bloody deranged!”).
It didn’t work. I got ordered to shift the bedding about. Now Mrs Eliab thinks I’m impolite. Her mum thinks I’m ignorant and impolite. I’m going to be asked about poxy mattresses every time I see her until the end of time. And then she’ll find even more pointless jobs to make Mrs Eliab feel guilty about until she gets me to do them. The atmosphere in the house has been lighter.
Sine, do you think I could have handled this better?
Eliab
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"Perhaps there is poetic beauty in the abstract ideas of justice or fairness, but I doubt if many lawyers are moved by it"
Richard Dawkins
Posts: 4619 | From: Hampton, Middlesex, UK | Registered: Mar 2005
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Moth
Shipmate
# 2589
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Posted
Dear Eliab,
A suggestion from a mere amateur, whilst we await Sine.
Next time, go upstairs, sit on the bed for a few minutes, then jump up and down once or twice on the floor in a mattress-moving-simulating kind of way.
Then go downstairs, dusting off your hands and say "Job done!".
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"There are governments that burn books, and then there are those that sell the libraries and shut the universities to anyone who can't pay for a key." Laurie Penny.
Posts: 3446 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2002
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Moth:
Dear Eliab,
A suggestion from a mere amateur, whilst we await Sine.
Next time, go upstairs, sit on the bed for a few minutes, then jump up and down once or twice on the floor in a mattress-moving-simulating kind of way.
Then go downstairs, dusting off your hands and say "Job done!".
Great idea, Moth. Unless Mrs E Snr decides to check for herself! ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
The problem with turning a mattress is that you have to strip the bed first.
Tell your MIL that you will turn the mattress next time the sheets are changed. With luck, she will leave before then.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
The problem with turning a mattress is that you have to strip the bed first.
Tell your MIL that you will turn the mattress next time the sheets are changed. With luck, she will leave before then.
Moo
And add that you change the sheets every six months, whether they need it or not.
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Gordon Cheng
a child on sydney harbour
# 8895
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Posted
Sine,
I recently slightly singed my tie on a candle, leaving a small black mark on the edge of the wide bit. Normally I am quite good with stain removal but this one has defeated me. I know you'll probably just tell me to buy a new one, but this tie has sentimental value. It was my school tie from James Ruse Agricultural High School and we have a class reunion quite soon (although they overlooked my invitation to the last one, even though many people have my 'phone number; I know because I handwrite it on my business card when I meet old school acquaintances. They were lucky I got the details almost accidentally when I bumped into someone who was on the way there).
The tie has survived worse on the school farm, and I'm sure it has many years of wear and tear left in it—that's the beauty and durability of nylon for ya— if only this scorch mark can be dealt with. As the mark is quite high up I originally just tried a Windsor knot instead of the usual four-in-hand, but the proportions were all wrong.
Please help.
[ 25. June 2005, 05:59: Message edited by: Gordon Cheng ]
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Latest on blog: those were the days...; throwing up; clerical abuse; biddulph on child care
Posts: 4392 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Dec 2004
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Left at the Altar
Ship's Siren
# 5077
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Posted
Dear Uncle Sine
What is the best way to go about choosing husbands for one's daughters?
My daughters are aged 12 and 10 and I am anxious not to leave this important process until too late.
What steps should I take to introduce them to the right sort of boys? Should I send them to finishing school in Switzerland? Should I encourage them to be clever, or is cleverness off-putting to chaps?
I would like gentlemen of good breeding and incredible wealth, but I understand that not many men fit both criteria. If I have to choose between the two, which is the more important?
Many thanks.
LATA
PS. A handy hint on how to keep the claws of females off my son would also be appreciated.
[ 25. June 2005, 06:54: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]
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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.
Posts: 9111 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Eliab:
Mrs Eliab’s mother has come to stay for the weekend. In due course, she asked my dear wife when we last turned our mattress.
I tried reason...I tried rhetoric...I even tried honestly expressing my feelings
It didn’t work. I got ordered to shift the bedding about.
And then she’ll find even more pointless jobs to make Mrs Eliab feel guilty about until she gets me to do them.
Sine, do you think I could have handled this better?
You glossed over what's really going on here.
It's not about you. It's not about the mattress. It's about your mother-in-law trying to make her daughter feel like an incompetent housekeeper. I admire your mother-in-law's style. She managed to pick a housekeeping chore that everyone knows they should do but always put off. The woman is obviously an expert in the field of guilting.
How well I remember when my grandmother would come to visit and play my mother like a violin until mother snapped and started screaming at her. My grandmother's field of expertise was criticizing the cleanliness of the baseboards or the patina of the silver.
You, sir, were caught in the midst of the Sacred Mysteries and were merely the lamb being sacrificed on the altar of the Mother / Daughter power struggle. There is nothing you could have done other than go consenting to the knife. A wise man knows when protest is useless.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Gordon Cheng:
I recently slightly singed my tie on a candle, leaving a small black mark on the edge of the wide bit...The tie has survived worse on the school farm, and I'm sure it has many years of wear and tear left in it—that's the beauty and durability of nylon for ya— if only this scorch mark can be dealt with.
Gordon, may I suggest you aren't being quite truthful here. You talk of a small black mark on the tie, but later reveal this tie is nylon. Nylon doesn't scorch. It melts. What you have actually done is melt your tie, isn't it? And you expect me to able to help?
Well, I can help. The fact your classmates are trying to keep the news of this reunion from you reveals you must have been one of the class geeks, which is quite an accomplishment at an agricultural school. But on the bright side their expectations of your behavior will be low.
You need to accessorize to hide the melted spot. I suggest you crash, I mean attend, the reunion clutching your latest Jesus book to your chest. In the unlikely event any of your former classmates come up and speak to you, your book will partially cover your tie during the no doubt brief conversation.
And there's always the possibility you might sell a couple.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
quote:
Originally posted by Eliab:
Mrs Eliab’s mother has come to stay for the weekend. ...
You glossed over what's really going on here.
It's not about you. It's not about the mattress. It's about your mother-in-law trying to make her daughter feel like an incompetent housekeeper.
Dear Uncle Sine speaks the truth! Listen to him. You might like to print his reply and give it to your wife after your mother-in-law's visit has finished.
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
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Gordon Cheng
a child on sydney harbour
# 8895
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Originally posted by Gordon Cheng:
Gordon, may I suggest you aren't being quite truthful here. You talk of a small black mark on the tie, but later reveal this tie is nylon. Nylon doesn't scorch. It melts.
I'm sorry Sine, you're quite right, it couldn't have been nylon. I am really quite ignorant in the faux fabrics department. I meant to say polyester-nylon of course. The nylon gives it that silky smooth feel that my former classmates comment on quite often. "Lovely old school tie, I can see why you'd wear it so often" etc.
quote:
You need to accessorize to hide the melted spot. I suggest you crash, I mean attend, the reunion clutching your latest Jesus book to your chest.
I don't know if I can do that without appearing presumptuous, but you've given me a wonderful idea. I have a series of 'illustrated bible scenes' ties my aunt gave me years ago for my confirmation. I haven't wanted to wear them as they are the clip-on sort, and I despise artificiality, but perhaps now is the time to dig them out and use one of them.
If anyone at the reunion asks about them I shall of course give full credit to you, Uncle Sine. Thanks ever so!
Gordon
[ 25. June 2005, 21:31: Message edited by: Gordon Cheng ]
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Latest on blog: those were the days...; throwing up; clerical abuse; biddulph on child care
Posts: 4392 | From: Sydney, Australia | Registered: Dec 2004
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Gordon Cheng
I have a series of 'illustrated bible scenes' ties my aunt gave me years ago for my confirmation.
Is there any chance you could show us a picture of these? My mind boggles.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
That's text, not illustration.
I think we're looking for Adam and Eve before the Fall, Sodom and Gomorrah, and Zorobabel begatting Abiud.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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