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» Ship of Fools   » Ship's Locker   » Limbo   » Heaven: Dear Sine... (Page 8)

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Source: (consider it) Thread: Heaven: Dear Sine...
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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Gordon might like one of these. Some of them are illustrated. The one with the Last Supper on it could be a bit of a problem though, you'd have to wear it sideways to get the full effect.

There's all sorts out there, even a Catholic Vatican High Priest of Church Religion Necktie. Sadly, the name's a lot more interesting than the tie itself.

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Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
Gordon might like one of these.

I am a man of few principles, but I assure you one of them is not wearing ties that cost eight dollars.

Gordon, however, may feel differently. (Ariel, you ain't right, girl.)

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Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
What is the best way to go about choosing husbands for one's daughters?

My daughters are aged 12 and 10 and I am anxious not to leave this important process until too late.

I would like gentlemen of good breeding and incredible wealth, but I understand that not many men fit both criteria. If I have to choose between the two, which is the more important?

Money. Money is always more important. You can buy the breeding later. And it's amazing the character flaws others will overlook if you have money.

A timely topic you have raised, LAtA. For me at least, for only yesterday I was thinking of the famous Gunning Sisters. Their beauty was such that although of extremely modest Irish origins they took the London of George II by storm. Helped by the machinations of their mother one married the Earl of Coventry and the other carried off the Duke of Hamilton. So it can be done.

Let us assume that your daughters, although quite attractive I'm sure, aren't fabulous beauties. Things become a bit more difficult in that case. If you don't have the means to send them to posh schools where they will meet and mingle with the sisters of rich young men, your best bet is to encourage them to pursue a career in private nursing. That will enable them to meet rich old men, which actually is preferable.

(Now I'm reminded of Mr. Cole Porter's quatrain "If you espouse an older man through girlish optimism, he'll always stay at home at night and make no criticism. Though you may call it love, the doctors call it rheumatism.")

Ahem…in any case even a girl of modest physical charms should be able to land herself a rich older man if he's bed-ridden and tied to an oxygen tank. Nor with any luck should she have to put up with him long. Just be sure to advise your daughters to always Get It in Writing. But being a lawyer you know this already.

quote:
PS. A handy hint on how to keep the claws of females off my son would also be appreciated.
As to saving your son from the clutches of designing young females, the same advice applies. Encourage him to pursue a career in nursing. Or hairdressing. Either should do it. And looking on the bright side, with three children who are healthcare professionals you and Mr. Altar can look forward to good medical care in your old age. It’s always best to plan ahead for retirement.
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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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As usual, Uncle Sine delivers good advice. My thanks (as I bundle my girls off to nursing school and buy my son his first pair of clippers).

As for the ties, Ariel, the one of the Last Supper worries me. It looks as though Jesus and friends will slide quickly towards the wearer's nether regions, which can hardly be good for religion.

--------------------
Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.

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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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Um, yeah. I was going to try to find Sine some less expensive ties, but I got distracted by the Archangel Michael on a skateboard. I'm sure this design could be adapted for a tie, though.
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John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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Oh wow! Thanks, Ariel! I love the Last Supper, the BVM and the Noah's Ark with the bright green undergrowth. I am even thinking of ordering some!
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John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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(cof cof, as novelties of course. I thought they might go with my choir robe)
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Gordon Cheng

a child on sydney harbour
# 8895

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quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
I am a man of few principles, but I assure you one of them is not wearing ties that cost eight dollars.

Gordon, however, may feel differently.

That is so unkind, Sine. Just because I think like a missionary doesn't mean I dress like one. I only wear my current tie because it was bought for me, and because it hasn't worn out yet. Or maybe it has, that is what my question was about really.

But I am going to spend up big when I buy the replacement; big I tell you. I even knocked back the offer of a free Foghorn Leghorn tie recently. In some strange twist of reasoning, the person who offered it to me said they thought it might suit me. Very droll indeed. It is to laugh, as Daffy Duck used to opine.

Anyway I apologise for taking up precious thread space, as I think I've received all the help I need here—unless someone other than Sine has a nice tie suggestion they wish to make.

--------------------
Latest on blog: those were the days...; throwing up; clerical abuse; biddulph on child care

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Arleigh
Shipmate
# 5332

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quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
Gordon might like one of these.

I particularly liked the one, in the middle of a gazillion religious ties, which has Jake (or is it Elwood?) proclaiming, "I'm on a mission from God."

I dare ya, Gordon ...

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Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

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quote:
Originally posted by Gordon Cheng:
But this is the sort of thing I had in mind, only the colours were not quite as subdued. I mean, when you've got a message to proclaim, proclaim it, I tells ya.

Campbellite should be pleased with that. [Big Grin] It's 100% pure silk

Moo

--------------------
Kerygmania host
---------------------
See you later, alligator.

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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34

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quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
Noah's Ark with the bright green undergrowth. I am even thinking of ordering some!

It is quite stunning. I was thinking abou ordering one for my minister. [Big Grin]
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Leetle Masha

Cantankerous Anchoress
# 8209

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A friend once bought, somewhere in England, the most beautiful neckties for the sidesmen at his church, dedicated to St. Mark. The ties were a deep burgundy with tiny lions woven in in gold thread.

Elegant.

LM

--------------------
eleison me, tin amartolin: have mercy on me, the sinner

Posts: 6351 | From: Hesychia, in Hyperdulia | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged
Rossweisse

High Church Valkyrie
# 2349

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Actually, LM, the Metropolitan Opera used to sell ties like that, in one's choice of navy blue or burgundy, as a tie-in (as it were) to Verdi's "Otello." I bought my future husband one for our first Christmas together, and he wore it at our wedding the next summer. (In fact, our anniversary is tomorrow.)

Rossweisse // Eviva il leon di San Marco!

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I'm not dead yet.

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Leetle Masha

Cantankerous Anchoress
# 8209

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Happy Anniversary and Many Years, Ross! I hope your gondola always glides smoothly and that you will always be serenaded by a sweet voice singing of love and happiness!

Best wishes,

LM

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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This one of the ties found by Ariel could be misconstrued, because if you imagine it being worn, it would give the impression that Jesus is looking devotedly toward the head of the wearer.

Or is that intended?

--------------------
Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.

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Campbellite

Ut unum sint
# 1202

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quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
quote:
Originally posted by Gordon Cheng:
But this is the sort of thing I had in mind.

Campbellite should be pleased with that. [Big Grin] It's 100% pure silk

Moo

Oh dear!

I actually DO own (and wear!) that very same tie! [Hot and Hormonal]

Mrs. C. gave it to me.

--------------------
I upped mine. Up yours.
Suffering for Jesus since 1966.
WTFWED?

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Gordon Cheng

a child on sydney harbour
# 8895

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quote:
Originally posted by Campbellite:

I actually DO own (and wear!) that very same tie! [Hot and Hormonal]

And that is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, brother Campbellite.

Now if you want me to get back to that fellow who was offering me the Foghorn Leghorn number, just shoot me a PM. Ah say, ah say, ah don't know wah he offered it to me, ah tell ya, and will ya listen to me when ah'm talkin' to ya.

You and I, we seem to be kindred spirits. [Smile]

[ 27. June 2005, 10:16: Message edited by: Gordon Cheng ]

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Latest on blog: those were the days...; throwing up; clerical abuse; biddulph on child care

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KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

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Hey Sine, question for you:

My middle brother, oldest brother, and sister are invited out to dinner by Middle's elderly neighbors.

Oldest Brother orders the most expensive entree, two expensive appetizers for everyone (which the neighbors did not eat), and two pricey glasses of wine. Middle brother and sister try giving him The Eye and The Cough to urge him to rein in his spending, but he is oblivious. Total dinner tab for the five of them is about $250.

Middle brother feels Oldest Brother took advantage of the situation, acted the heel, and should pay for his own expensive extras, which he did not do when settling the tab at the restaurant.

I suggested one option: Take the cash for Oldest's extras over to the neighbors and say Oldest "forgot" to give this to them the night of the dinner. Then, Middle and Oldest can come to whatever reckoning they like.

Is Middle over-reacting and was Oldest a mooch? If you are invited out to dinner, is it a license to order as you please or do you refrain from the orgy? IOTW, what's the best way to handle oneself as a guest in such a situation?

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
saysay

Ship's Praying Mantis
# 6645

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quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
If you are invited out to dinner, is it a license to order as you please or do you refrain from the orgy?

Uncle Sine is far more qualified to address your post than I am, but when my stepmother was trying to teach me how to behave as a Proper Young Lady, she told me that I should always order something less expensive than what my date had ordered.

I abandoned this principle as soon as it became clear that all Proper Young Gentlemen had been taught that they should allow their dates to order first.

--------------------
"It's been a long day without you, my friend
I'll tell you all about it when I see you again"
"'Oh sweet baby purple Jesus' - that's a direct quote from a 9 year old - shoutout to purple Jesus."

Posts: 2943 | From: The Wire | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
Leetle Masha

Cantankerous Anchoress
# 8209

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My usual manner of avoiding the "price-crunch" when invited out to eat is to suggest to the one taking me out, "Why don't you order for both of us?", so as to allow my companion to choose the food and price-range.

Of course, if it's a seafood place and I see
Squid boiled in its own Ink on the menu, I advise my companion that I am allergic to squid.

LM

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KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

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Hmmmmmm, that might work for you, but I wouldn't do it.

My usual tack in the above situation is to ask the host before the waitron arrives what he's ordering, and I'll use the price of his dinner as a guide for where mine should approximate. (I'll try to keep my order within $5 or so of his.) If he orders a $6 hamburger, I'll stay away from the full rack of babyback ribs at $25.

That being said, you as the host must face a certain obligation of generosity in such a situation, namely, when you ask someone to dinner, unless you ask your guest beforehand to order within a price range (dreadfully tacky, IMO), your guest has the freedom of the menu to order what he likes.

Likewise, AISI, the guest has an obligation not to exploit his host's generosity. If you invite me to stay for the weekend, I don't have the right to repaint the room I use nor sell your cat.

It's all kind of a dance, I think.

--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

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Telepath
Ship's Steamer Trunk
# 3534

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Paying for your own extras wouldn't work, either, because of the "I Hope You Brought Enough For Everybody" principle. You don't buy yourself a special treat to consume at someone else's party, unless you're prepared to buy enough for all the guests. And if you do that, you're usurping the host's prerogative, innit.

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Take emptiness and lying speech far from me, and do not give me poverty or wealth. Give me a living sufficient for me.

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Josephine

Orthodox Belle
# 3899

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quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
Is Middle over-reacting and was Oldest a mooch?

Quite possibly both. Or either one. Hard to say from your story.

It seems that Middle thinks that the host couple invited them to a restaurant that they really couldn't afford. That's possible, of course, but it seems a bit patronizing to me. Since they selected the restaurant (they did, didn't they?) it seems reasonable to assume they knew how expensive said restaurant was. They may have been genuinely delighted that all of their guests chose what they wanted, and would have been offended by any offer to pay for any portion of the meal.

If the host couple was giving out standard social cues about what price range to stay in ("We just love the sandwiches here" or that sort of thing), then perhaps Oldest was being boorish. In fact, even if they weren't giving out those sorts of cues, Oldest was overstepping his bounds as a guest by ordering appetizers for the table. The host should have done that, if it were to be done.

But why does Middle feel responsible for Oldest's behavior? Unless Middle was asked to make up the guest list for the outing, it seems to me that any problem that exists is between Oldest and the hosts, and Middle should stay out of it.

--------------------
I've written a book! Catherine's Pascha: A celebration of Easter in the Orthodox Church. It's a lovely book for children. Take a look!

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Rat
Ship's Rat
# 3373

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It is a dance. It would be rude of the hosts to restrict what their guests can order, it would be equally rude for a guest to take advantage by ordering lobsters and champagne for everyone.

Equally, it would be rude to embarrass the hosts now by awkwardly trying to give them extra money, which seems like the likely outcome if a retrospective attempt is made to fix things. (I have to wonder just a tiny bit whether Middle is as altruistic as he claims or whether he might be using the whole thing to get at Oldest).

I would leave well alone now - if the hosts didn't like Oldest's behaviour they won't invite him again.

--------------------
It's a matter of food and available blood. If motherhood is sacred, put your money where your mouth is. Only then can you expect the coming down to the wrecked & shimmering earth of that miracle you sing about. [Margaret Atwood]

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Dee.
Ship's Theological Acrobat
# 5681

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What Rat said.

[ 27. June 2005, 21:32: Message edited by: Dee-nz ]

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Jesus - nice bloke, bit religious

Posts: 2679 | From: Under Downunder | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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Don't you just really miss the days when only the host at the table got a menu with the prices on it and everybody else had to guess?

Of course there's absolutely nothing stopping you when entertaining a largish party at a restaurant from consulting with the management beforehand and choosing the dinner for your guests. It's kinda classy actually. Wouldn't do it for less than a party of eight though. A friend and I once entertained a dozen or so people that way and it was great fun.

But that really wasn't Mr. Writez' question. And I think you guys have pretty much answered it. Oldest brother was in fact rude. Middle brother needs to stay out of it. And in general, if the host won't say what he or she is getting to give you a price guide, go for the chicken.

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Rossweisse

High Church Valkyrie
# 2349

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quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
...And in general, if the host won't say what he or she is getting to give you a price guide, go for the chicken.

...or the pasta.

--------------------
I'm not dead yet.

Posts: 15117 | From: Valhalla | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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quote:
Originally posted by Campbellite:
quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
quote:
Originally posted by Gordon Cheng:
But this is the sort of thing I had in mind.

Campbellite should be pleased with that. [Big Grin] It's 100% pure silk


Oh dear!

I actually DO own (and wear!) that very same tie! [Hot and Hormonal]

Mrs. C. gave it to me.

I think the worst thing about it is the hideous melange of fonts - god didn't all desktop publishers learn this is what you don't do? The text taking up the whole tie comes next.

An understated small modern font taking up not more than a 1 in by 2 1/2 in block somewhere near the bottom and offset to the right could have worked.

Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
anglicanrascal
Shipmate
# 3412

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quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
Gordon might like one of these. Some of them are illustrated. The one with the Last Supper on it could be a bit of a problem though, you'd have to wear it sideways to get the full effect.

Oh.My.Goodness.

[ 28. June 2005, 06:35: Message edited by: anglicanrascal ]

Posts: 3186 | From: Diocese of Litigalia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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Dear SoF Panel of Experts,

My younger nephew's Welsh girlfriend has come to visit for the summer. She seems a charming girl but she has a thick foreign accent and I can hardly understand a word she says. I am speaking to her slowly and distinctly in a loud voice, as one appropriately speaks to foreigners so I know she can understand me. She however thinks she is speaking English or possibly Welsh - I really can't tell - but is unintelligible.

How many times should I say "I beg your pardon?" or "What did you say" before I give up and just smile and nod like I understand what she's saying?

I am also somewhat concerned she may be a drug addict because she gave my brother and sister-in-law a giant hand-carved coke spoon she claims is a Welsh handicraft called a "love spoon". Love spoon indeed. I know drug paraphernalia when I see it.

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anglicanrascal
Shipmate
# 3412

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Dear Sine,

maybe when she visits you could leave some of your Metallica and Slayer LPs around the house and casually mention the "fun" you used to have in your younger days at such concerts. Such fun, of course, would be damaging your hearing (as well as ingesting certain chemicals that had been het up in large metal spoons) with a result that your ability to understand her might be reduced ... and would she please forgive you if you have to ask her a few times to repeat herself ... or maybe write things down. That way you could at least discover if what she is writing is English or not.

Yacchi-dar,
anglicanrascal

Posts: 3186 | From: Diocese of Litigalia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Custard
Shipmate
# 5402

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It is definitely possible to get used to Welsh accents, though the speaking English with a strong Welsh accent and speaking Welsh aren't always totally different things - a lot of the newer words in Welsh are as they would be if in strongly accented English (e.g. ambiwlans / ambulance). But there are lots of Welsh shipmates rather than just ones who used to live very near Wales...

Oh, and Google is your friend.

--------------------
blog
Adam's likeness, Lord, efface;
Stamp thine image in its place.


Posts: 4523 | From: Snot's Place | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged
Alfred E. Neuman

What? Me worry?
# 6855

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Busy yourself with studious focus on your favorite Bible when they are visiting. Make sure to sit in a rocking chair with a shawl across your lap and engage her with cryptic questions regarding obscure passages. Ignore any attempts by your guests to change the subject. Interject with occasional phlegmy coughing and complaints about your painful bunions or arthritis. If their focus begins to slip, expound upon the wonders of modern medicine and how thankful you are for having that goiter removed last fall. Enhance with lurid detail.

When you see them eyeing the door, close with an acknowledgement that, "I'm sure you kids have better things to do than listen to an old man complain. Go on! Get outta here, you rascals!"

I guarantee your summer will have few embarrassing visits from nephew and friend.

--------------------
--Formerly: Gort--

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Robert Armin

All licens'd fool
# 182

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Sine, this is wonderful! She is talking the language of heaven, and you are very lucky in being given a chance to get used to it early.

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Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin

Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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quote:
Originally posted by The Wanderer:
She is talking the language of heaven

Ah! That makes sense since I frequently find God unintelligible also.
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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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(They call Welsh the language of heaven because it takes all eternity to learn it)

In any gaps in the conversation which seem to require a response, just murmur 'Duw, Duw'. Or, if the expression before you indicates that something more is required: 'No baby? There's posh'.

Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

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Or, to express surprise 'NEH-vuh!'

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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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Or the all-purpose exclamation, "Cow in hell!"
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783

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Maybe the reason you don't understand her when she asks you to pass the grits and cornpone is because she is actually asking if you have any strawberries and Devon custard?

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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)

Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged
saysay

Ship's Praying Mantis
# 6645

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quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
How many times should I say "I beg your pardon?" or "What did you say" before I give up and just smile and nod like I understand what she's saying?

Sine, dear, you really shouldn't worry your pretty little head over such matters. She's a girl, so she's probably used to people not paying any attention to what she says even if they can understand her. Give up trying to understand her whenever you feel like it. She'll think you capricious, but such is life.

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"It's been a long day without you, my friend
I'll tell you all about it when I see you again"
"'Oh sweet baby purple Jesus' - that's a direct quote from a 9 year old - shoutout to purple Jesus."

Posts: 2943 | From: The Wire | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
dolphy

Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862

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Sine dear, the way to deal with this is simple. Just sing 'Bread of Heaven' whenever she says/asks you something and she will be so taken aback with your dulcet tones that she will never ask a question again. Spend your time carving wood (from a tree not the shipmate) and present her with one of these: http://www.carvingpatterns.com/spoons/spoons-1.htm
All will be well.

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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.

Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Flausa

Mad Woman
# 3466

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Sine, I'd be worried about the spoon as well. My understanding is that male suitors provide their intendeds with a love spoon that they personally have carved as a symbol of their undying love. It seems a little bit odd that she has given a love spoon to your brother and sister-in-law. Perhaps she is trying to see if they are into the swinging thing.
Posts: 4610 | From: bonny Scotland | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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quote:
Originally posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk:
Maybe the reason you don't understand her when she asks you to pass the grits and cornpone is because she is actually asking if you have any strawberries and Devon custard?

Why would she be asking for weird foreign muck like that? As a Welsh person, she will live off a diet of laver bread (a bread made of seaweed), bara brith (a bread made of, um, bread. And dried fruit), teisen lap (a bread made of cake), leeks and Caerphilly. And jam coch.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
saysay

Ship's Praying Mantis
# 6645

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Dear Uncle Sine,

My father and stepmother, bless their hearts, are new-age freakazoids. In addition to the near-constant reminders that I am not the child they would have picked out at the daughter store, they fairly regularly slag off my religious beliefs.

Thankfully, they are Enlightened. They employ an argumentative technique I can only conclude they learned from A Feminine Force. They are far, far too concerned with the Higher Things to be concerned with anything so petty as, for example, what to eat for lunch. This means, of course, that they regularly employ a passive-aggressive manipulative means of getting what they want that drives me completely batty. I have, through the years, employed every manner of resistance at my disposal, but to no avail.

“I’m sorry, Say,” my stepmother said to me in one recent encounter. “Sometimes your father enjoys humiliating me in front of others.” “WTF am I supposed to say to that?” I asked my brother. “That’s when you simply smile and nod,” he replied.

I believe in honoring one’s parents, which is why our relationship continues, despite the fact that most of my friends say that, commandment or not, they would have dropped them ages ago. In recent years, I have enlisted the help of numerous friends who are able to intervene at the point at which I look like I am about to snap.

I feel the time has come for a change in our relationship. I can’t prove that my father has emotions just like the rest of us, but I strongly suspect that it is true, especially since ocassionally the facade cracks and he gets very angry. Is there a polite way to tell him that if he doesn’t start acting like a human being instead of pretending that everything is peachy keen all the time I am likely to snap and beat the living shit out of him? Or should I simply step back and let Boy and Father fight it out? I have to admit, the last time I went home, watching Father and Boy compete over who would cook me breakfast was deeply amusing. It would have been nice if either of them had asked me what I wanted, but I suppose we can’t have everything.

--------------------
"It's been a long day without you, my friend
I'll tell you all about it when I see you again"
"'Oh sweet baby purple Jesus' - that's a direct quote from a 9 year old - shoutout to purple Jesus."

Posts: 2943 | From: The Wire | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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quote:
Originally posted by saysay:
Is there a polite way to tell him that if he doesn’t start acting like a human being instead of pretending that everything is peachy keen all the time I am likely to snap and beat the living shit out of him?

Oh my! What a fascinating glimpse into another's family life. There is so much here I would like to comment on, but a) it is Heaven, and b) I'm just here to answer questions. So I guess I'll have to just answer the actual question. Pity.

If I read you correctly, you wish to change your father and step-mother's behavior. You can't. You can only change your own. (I do find it interesting that what really annoys you is that your father is cheerful. One would like to say that is an attitude to be encouraged in others, but apparently not.) At the risk of pointing out the obvious you have choices in how you react to them. You need to learn some detatchment, and possibly some forgiveness, if you wish to stay in a relationship with them. I also suggest you copy out the Serenity Prayer and stick it in your pocket when you go to see them. Refer to it as necessary.

You are presumably an adult. You are under no obligation to continue passively reacting (rather than acting) to them as if you were still a child. They can only jerk your chain if you let them.

Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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Dear Sine,

Earlier this week my boss sent round an email saying we had been invited to visit a factory on an industrial estate near Swindon and when would we like to go, with a choice of dates.

My immediate reaction was "Never" but while I struggled to find a tactful and acceptable way of expresssing this, or of quickly booking myself a holiday on those dates within the next few minutes, the date was settled by email by the more enthusiastic members of the section and we are due to drive down and spend the day there in a couple of weeks.

I am still trying to find a tactful and acceptable way out of what I regard as a complete waste of time when I shall be given a day-long sales pitch as my colleagues and I inspect the factory and see how things are made. Frankly I don't care so long as the job is done OK, and we are not going to get a nice lunch out of it either. I asked the last people who went what they got, and was told "manky sandwiches."

Any suggestions on how to pull out of this? I just wish I could be honest and say the thought bores me to distraction and I'd rather stay at the office. I have successfully evaded a previous trip on the grounds that it would be difficult to get to but don't think I can get out of this one.

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Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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Calling in sick the day of the excursion, which does indeed sound loathsome, would be too obvious. What you need here is the ever-popular Home Emergency.

My favorite Home Emergency is the busted water-heater. It's also better if you have your boss's home phone number so you can call him/her at the crack of dawn: "OMG! I hope I didn't wake you! I just got up and there's water everywhere! It must be the water-heater. Got to call the landlord. Looks like I'll be a little late. I'll keep you posted."

Then have some more tea and watch the morning news for a while. Call the office about twenty minutes after starting time and update them: "The plumber was supposed to be here a half hour ago, but still hasn't shown up. You guys may have to leave without me."

Show up at work about forty-five minutes after they've left for the factory tour with extravagant expressions of regret for having missed such an interesting and informative outing.

Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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By the way, be sure you show up at the office with stringy unwashed hair, looking generally disheveled*. That will add authenticity to your story. Details are important when lying...so I'm told.

(*Assuming this is not your normal appearance.)

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Suze

Ship's Barmaid
# 5639

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Dear Uncle Sine,

I'm hoping you can help me with my dilema.

I have recently returned from a very sunny summer holiday having, unfortunately, overdone the "sunny" bit. As a result my shoulders, back, arms and, erm, decollete are a patchy mix of freckled, sun burnt and peeling skin. Ok, let's be frank, I look like I've survived an acid attack. Now normally I'd cover up, put loads of body cream on the affected areas and hide for a week or so. I am, unfortunately, due to attend a business function with my other half and have bought at no small expense, an off the shoulder, low back type dress to wear, complete with matching shoes, bag etc etc as we girlies tend to do.

So, do I wear the ensemble regardless of the fact I look like a leper, try to find something else to wear at additional expense (not to mention "discussion" with other half re wasting limited funds etc etc) or do I feign illness on the night and not go at all.

Yours hopefully


PS I hope you don't mind me addressing you as "uncle" being that we're not actually related and all but I've been reading your advice for ages now and I feel like I practically know you. Thanks awfully.

Posts: 2603 | From: where the angels sleep | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Rat
Ship's Rat
# 3373

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Without pre-empting Uncle Sine's doubtless excellent advice, I think the answer depends a lot on whether you are actively shedding skin, and whether it is likely to end up in other guests' drinks or dinners.

I'd suggest a cardigan.

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It's a matter of food and available blood. If motherhood is sacred, put your money where your mouth is. Only then can you expect the coming down to the wrecked & shimmering earth of that miracle you sing about. [Margaret Atwood]

Posts: 5285 | From: A dour region for dour folk | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged



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