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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Circus: Quiz-Off
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Yorick
Infinite Jester
# 12169
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Posted
Purg. A5) Allegory? Surely not! According to two-thirds of Americans, up to 100,000,000 different species of life. Paired. [Note: If each species occupied an average volume of space of just 1 litre (and required no other room), the ark would have had to be this big.] But no
Sirens, for obvious reasons.
Just don’t ask about how 'eight humans could have cared for the animals while also sailing the Ark, how the special dietary needs of some of the more exotic animals could have been catered for, how the creatures could have been prevented from preying on each other, questions of lighting, ventilation, and temperature control, hibernation, the survival and germination of seeds, the position of freshwater and saltwater fish, the question of what the animals would have eaten immediately after leaving the Ark, how they traveled (or were gathered) from all over the world to board the Ark and how they could have returned to their far-flung habitats across the Earth's bare, flood-devastated terrain, and how two or a few members of a species could have provided enough genetic variety to avoid inbreeding and reconstitute a healthy population'! (ex. Wiki).
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این نیز بگذرد
Posts: 7574 | From: Natural Sources | Registered: Dec 2006
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Cusanus
Ship's Schoolmaster
# 692
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Posted
A1) Fail to make it in New York (New York)
A2) Nowhere. One doesn't wish to go away, thank you all the same.
A3) The umpire calls 'No Ball!'
A4) The sign saying "Work of Art this way".
A5) Carp. It was a multi-storey carp ark.
[ 16. January 2008, 10:00: Message edited by: Cusanus ]
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"You are qualified," sa fotherington-tomas, "becos you can frankly never pass an exam and have 0 branes. Obviously you will be a skoolmaster - there is no other choice."
Posts: 3120 | From: The Peninsula | Registered: Jul 2001
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sharkshooter
Not your average shark
# 1589
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Posted
A5) A pair-a-d'ox.
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Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. [Psalm 19:14]
Posts: 7772 | From: Canada; Washington DC; Phoenix; it's complicated | Registered: Oct 2001
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la vie en rouge
Parisienne
# 10688
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Posted
Wow, I've gotten all behind... so
A3) All the grass wears off the mark
A4) Sister Wendy is standing next to it with a reassuring smile
A5) A good book and his DVD collection (40 days is a long time to be cooped up with nothing to do)
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Rent my holiday home in the South of France
Posts: 3696 | Registered: Nov 2005
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kingsfold
Shipmate
# 1726
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Posted
Q5: Esther, Eve, Jezebel, Job, John, Joseph, Martha, Maggie, Moses, Neb, Paul, Samson & Simon wasn't it?
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I came to Jesus and I found in him my star, my sun.
And in that light of life I'll walk 'til travelling days are done
Posts: 4473 | From: land of the wee midgie | Registered: Nov 2001
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MiceElf
Not your average mouse
# 4389
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Posted
Q5: What did Noah take into the Ark with him?
A: A Big bag of kitty litter with odour neutraliser, and a fishing rod.
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What do we want.... Cure for Obesity
When do we want it.... After Dessert.
Posts: 1032 | From: OILOVWOIGHT | Registered: Apr 2003
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Mertseger
Faerie Bard
# 4534
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Posted
a5)Oddly, a G3 iPhone. He got rather bored being the only poster in the Styx, and ultimately ended up using the phone to help stabilize a wobbly table. It should be noted, however, he did have many good ideas about how the Ship should be run.
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Go and be who you are:
The Body of Christ,
The Goddess of Body,
The Manifest Song of Faerie.
Posts: 1765 | From: Oakland, CA, USA | Registered: May 2003
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Quizmaster
Quick quipper
# 1435
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Posted
Marks for Round Five
3 : Banner Lady : Ignoring historical accuracy
3 : Chorister : Undoubtedly necessary
-3 : Davelarge : Trying to educate in a fun thread
3 : Ann : My choice for winning entry
3 : Jon J : The psychological element
2 : Jedijudy : That is a whole other joke
3 : Icklejen : Good effort that one
3 : Wet Kipper : And Duck-Billed Platypae
-2 : Jim Goodfellow : Fight with Dave, Die with Dave
-1 : Dogwonderer : Nice rant but you can join Dave
3 : Cusanus (A1) : An excellent new option
1 : Cusanus (A2) : You always get one for trying
3 : Cusanus (A3) : The sporting answer fits
3 : Cusanus (A4) : Follow the sign
3 : Cusanus (A5) : Nice - that other joke fits here
3 : Sharkshooter : Brilliant application of sharp wit
3 : Lady in Red (A3) : Took me a while to get it
3 : Lady in Red (A4) : Nun points for that answer
1 : Lady in Red (A5) : Too modernist for me there
3 : Gwai : Full marks for your attitude
3 : Kingsfold : Lucky thirteen there
3 : Footdoc : You are not trying if YOU score
1 : Mertseger : That one missed me completely
1 : Cusanus : Bonus from Chorister for Carping
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The more questions I ask the more I ask fewer questions.
OR=========================================
The wise person does not know all the answers, but always asks the right questions.
Posts: 3326 | From: Exeter, Devon | Registered: Oct 2001
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Quizmaster
Quick quipper
# 1435
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Posted
TOP OF THE TABLE
17 Chorister
14 Banner Lady
14 Cusanus
14 Jon J
14 Sharkshooter
14 Wet Kipper
13 Jedijudy
12 Lady in Red
12 Mertseger
11 Ann
11 Gwai
11 Icklejen
10 Dogwonderer
9 Davelarge
8 Mr. E
8 Smudgie
7 Pax Romana
6 The Great Gumby
Q6) How long is a piece of string?
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The more questions I ask the more I ask fewer questions.
OR=========================================
The wise person does not know all the answers, but always asks the right questions.
Posts: 3326 | From: Exeter, Devon | Registered: Oct 2001
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Imaginary Friend
Real to you
# 186
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Quizmaster:
-3 : Davelarge : Trying to educate in a fun thread
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
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"We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately, the game was played on grass."
Brian Clough
Posts: 9455 | From: Left a bit... Right a bit... | Registered: May 2001
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Cusanus
Ship's Schoolmaster
# 692
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Quizmaster:
Q6) How long is a piece of string?
No no. Ha Long is a beautiful bay in Vietnam.
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"You are qualified," sa fotherington-tomas, "becos you can frankly never pass an exam and have 0 branes. Obviously you will be a skoolmaster - there is no other choice."
Posts: 3120 | From: The Peninsula | Registered: Jul 2001
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Pearl B4 Swine
Ship's Oyster-Shucker
# 11451
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Posted
Q6 --- Always half an inch too short.
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Oinkster
"I do a good job and I know how to do this stuff" D. Trump (speaking of the POTUS job)
Posts: 3622 | From: The Keystone State | Registered: May 2006
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Banner Lady
Ship's Ensign
# 10505
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Posted
6) "It's long enough to last until we can fix things properly" ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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Women in the church are not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be enjoyed.
Posts: 7080 | From: Canberra Australia | Registered: Oct 2005
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
6) A guitar string might be 73 cm., a violin string is 36 cm., and a cello string is 95 cm. long. Will one of those do?
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Liberty
ship's football fanatic
# 713
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Posted
6) I'm usually given enough rope to hang myself with...
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"I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtedly"
Posts: 1879 | From: SW2 to 20009 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Yorick
Infinite Jester
# 12169
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Quizmaster:
I do not want the 'right' answer I want clever or funny or even weird answers.
[... but ...]
-3 : Davelarge : Trying to educate in a fun thread
-2 : Jim Goodfellow : Fight with Dave, Die with Dave
-1 : Dogwonderer : Nice rant but you can join Dave
... ...
Q6) How long is a piece of string?
A6) However long you want it to be, oh strange and capricious Quizmaster without an irony meter. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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این نیز بگذرد
Posts: 7574 | From: Natural Sources | Registered: Dec 2006
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MiceElf
Not your average mouse
# 4389
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Posted
Q6 How long is a piece of string?
A: As long as it needs to be plus a bit extra if you want to tie it in a bow.
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What do we want.... Cure for Obesity
When do we want it.... After Dessert.
Posts: 1032 | From: OILOVWOIGHT | Registered: Apr 2003
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MiceElf
Not your average mouse
# 4389
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Posted
Just a thought on how long is a piece of string...
Would a string ensemble be same as a string of strings?
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What do we want.... Cure for Obesity
When do we want it.... After Dessert.
Posts: 1032 | From: OILOVWOIGHT | Registered: Apr 2003
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Imaginary Friend
Real to you
# 186
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Quizmaster:
Q6) How long is a piece of string?
How long would you like it to be, Quizzy?
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"We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately, the game was played on grass."
Brian Clough
Posts: 9455 | From: Left a bit... Right a bit... | Registered: May 2001
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Jim Goodfellow
A thoroughly decent chap
# 12121
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Posted
A6) If it's allegorical string, then it's as long as y0u say it is. Allegorically speaking of course.
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Buffer's Yeoman
Posts: 478 | From: The Golden Triangle | Registered: Dec 2006
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
A6) Double the length from one side to the middle.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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sharkshooter
Not your average shark
# 1589
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Posted
A6) The length of "a piece of string" depends on the font you use.
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Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. [Psalm 19:14]
Posts: 7772 | From: Canada; Washington DC; Phoenix; it's complicated | Registered: Oct 2001
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Wet Kipper
Circus Runaway
# 1654
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Posted
A6) anything less than 1.8cm long is actually classified as a "bit", and the manufacturers of string don't make reels bigger than 2.1km long, so somewhere between the two extremes.
[ 18. January 2008, 16:13: Message edited by: Wet Kipper ]
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- insert randomly chosen, potentially Deep and Meaningful™ song lyrics here -
Posts: 9841 | From: further up the Hill | Registered: Nov 2001
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Pearl B4 Swine
Ship's Oyster-Shucker
# 11451
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Posted
Re: Q6
It depends on whether it is a gentleman or a lady estimating the length of said string. Length estimates seem to vary.
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Oinkster
"I do a good job and I know how to do this stuff" D. Trump (speaking of the POTUS job)
Posts: 3622 | From: The Keystone State | Registered: May 2006
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Mertseger
Faerie Bard
# 4534
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Posted
a6) 2.3 times longer for you than for me when you're on the Earth with the string, and I'm approaching at 0.9c from my nightly bender in Betelgeuse.
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Go and be who you are:
The Body of Christ,
The Goddess of Body,
The Manifest Song of Faerie.
Posts: 1765 | From: Oakland, CA, USA | Registered: May 2003
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
A6) How long is a "piece of" string - well , um, eight characters (plus an end-of-string delimiter makes nine) ... say 1024kB in Word?
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Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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Quizmaster
Quick quipper
# 1435
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Posted
In the case of Mozart's String Quartet No.1 in G Major it is entirely dependent upon the conductor.
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The more questions I ask the more I ask fewer questions.
OR=========================================
The wise person does not know all the answers, but always asks the right questions.
Posts: 3326 | From: Exeter, Devon | Registered: Oct 2001
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The Rogue
Shipmate
# 2275
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Posted
How long is a piece of string?
Long enough to pass through a coconut and be attached to a pair of swallows.
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If everyone starts thinking outside the box does outside the box come back inside?
Posts: 2507 | From: Toton | Registered: Feb 2002
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Jim Goodfellow
A thoroughly decent chap
# 12121
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Posted
How long is a piece of string?
According to Goodfellow's Law of Probability it's always shorter than you need it to be.
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Buffer's Yeoman
Posts: 478 | From: The Golden Triangle | Registered: Dec 2006
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Quizmaster
Quick quipper
# 1435
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Posted
Marks for Round Six
3 : Cusanus : I must book a holiday there
3 : Pearl B4 Swine : Aint that just so?
3 : Banner Lady : An obvious expert in triage
3 : Jedijudy : Giving us the musician's angle
2 : Icklejen : Rope is thicker. Are you?
3 : Dogwonderer : Capricious without a doubt
3 : Footdoc : Using the Al Bundy definition
-1 : Footdoc : No
3 : Lady in Red : The scientific definition
2 : Davelarge : You and Dogwonderer ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
1 : Jim Goodfellow : The third of the triumvirate
3 : Chorister : Mathematically reasonable
3 : Sharkshooter : The computer geek definition
3 : Wet Kipper : So can we say 1.9 cm?
1 : Gwai : I buy by the third of a yard
-1 : Pearl B4 Swine : None of that sexism here please
3 : Mertseger : Relatively good answer there
3 : Ann : Does that apply to 64 bit processing?
3 : Quizmaster : When did you look in Mozart's case?
3 : The Rogue : A full and complete surrealist answer
1 : Jim Goodfellow : Goodfellow's Law does not work here
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The more questions I ask the more I ask fewer questions.
OR=========================================
The wise person does not know all the answers, but always asks the right questions.
Posts: 3326 | From: Exeter, Devon | Registered: Oct 2001
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Quizmaster
Quick quipper
# 1435
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Posted
TOP OF THE TABLE
20 Chorister
17 Banner Lady
17 Cusanus
17 Sharkshooter
17 Wet Kipper
16 Jedijudy
15 Lady in Red
15 Mertseger
14 Ann
14 Jon J
13 Dogwonderer
13 Icklejen
12 Gwai
11 Davelarge
Q7) Can you tell me a joke that is 100% PC
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The more questions I ask the more I ask fewer questions.
OR=========================================
The wise person does not know all the answers, but always asks the right questions.
Posts: 3326 | From: Exeter, Devon | Registered: Oct 2001
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Banner Lady
Ship's Ensign
# 10505
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Posted
7) If you think there's a joke out there that won't offend SOMEONE, then the joke's on you!
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Women in the church are not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be enjoyed.
Posts: 7080 | From: Canberra Australia | Registered: Oct 2005
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Mertseger
Faerie Bard
# 4534
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Posted
a7) No, I cannot tell jokes at all (PC or not) successfully. I can quip sarcastically, make an infinite number of puns, and spout strange, intriguing and occasionally funny references at will. But tell you a joke? No, not at all.
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Go and be who you are:
The Body of Christ,
The Goddess of Body,
The Manifest Song of Faerie.
Posts: 1765 | From: Oakland, CA, USA | Registered: May 2003
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
A7) Windows
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Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
A7) Here's my 100% P.C. joke:
Thieves rob a toilet and 2 dogs from the local police station. A spokesperson for the police said they have no leads and nothing to go on.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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MiceElf
Not your average mouse
# 4389
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Posted
A7: I am sorry that I cant find a link to this.. but you may remember this from the excellant Spitting Image puppet show.
Maggie Thatcher is sitting with the Cabinet members around the dining table.
A waiter approaches, bows, and asks madam how she would like her steak?
......RAW she barks.
Aaaaaand Wwwwhat about the vegetables he quivers?
...............and she replies............
They will have the same!
Politically Correct I should say so.
Spot On.
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What do we want.... Cure for Obesity
When do we want it.... After Dessert.
Posts: 1032 | From: OILOVWOIGHT | Registered: Apr 2003
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Imaginary Friend
Real to you
# 186
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Quizmaster:
Q7) Can you tell me a joke that is 100% PC
Only if you promise to laugh...
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"We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately, the game was played on grass."
Brian Clough
Posts: 9455 | From: Left a bit... Right a bit... | Registered: May 2001
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Wet Kipper
Circus Runaway
# 1654
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Posted
7) I've heard some people say their PCC is a joke, but then it'd only be 66.66(recurring)% PC, and not 100%
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- insert randomly chosen, potentially Deep and Meaningful™ song lyrics here -
Posts: 9841 | From: further up the Hill | Registered: Nov 2001
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Banner Lady
Ship's Ensign
# 10505
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Posted
7) Ah well, of course MY favourite politically correct joke is this one:
A cannibal was walking through the jungle when he came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry he sat down and looked over the menu.
* Grilled Tourist $5
* Broiled Missionary $10
* Fried Explorer $15
* Baked Politician $100
The cannibal called the restauranteur over and asked "Why such a price difference for the Baked Politician?"
The restauranteur replied "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of crap, it takes all morning!"
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Women in the church are not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be enjoyed.
Posts: 7080 | From: Canberra Australia | Registered: Oct 2005
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Cusanus
Ship's Schoolmaster
# 692
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Posted
A7: Erm.. How many middle class Anglophone white make patriarchal oppressors does iot take to change a lightbulb? None, because they realy on the labour of the alienated migrant female underclass, bound in domestic servitude, to do it for them.
(Hey, I know it's not very good, but I think I should get credit for making it up on the spot.)
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"You are qualified," sa fotherington-tomas, "becos you can frankly never pass an exam and have 0 branes. Obviously you will be a skoolmaster - there is no other choice."
Posts: 3120 | From: The Peninsula | Registered: Jul 2001
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Liberty
ship's football fanatic
# 713
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Posted
didn't your mother tell you to ask "may you" not "can you" ? ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif) tsk, what is the world coming to?
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"I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtedly"
Posts: 1879 | From: SW2 to 20009 | Registered: Jul 2001
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
Problem, Can Paul Criticize Piano Concert?
Please! Can't Practice Chopin Piece, Can't Play Concert Pianist's Concerto. Paul's Counter Point Completely, Painfully Crashes.
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Jim Goodfellow
A thoroughly decent chap
# 12121
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Posted
Who could be offended by this little joky?
First woman: Are you going to Mildred's funeral?
Second woman: Oh yes, I haven't seen her for ages.
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Buffer's Yeoman
Posts: 478 | From: The Golden Triangle | Registered: Dec 2006
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Quizmaster
Quick quipper
# 1435
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Posted
Marks for Round Seven
3 : Banner Lady : Reasonable start
3 : Mertseger : Honesty is the best policy
3 : Ann : A truer word was never uttered
2 : Chorister : All PC apart from the toilet
3 : Gwai : An original take there
3 : Footdoc : I remember that one - fantastic
2 : Davelarge : Good effort following Gwai
2 : Wet Kipper : You get 66.66% of a full score
-1 : Banner Lady : I love the joke, but it's your 2nd go
-2 : Cusanus : Love the joke, not very PC though
1 : Icklejen : Nice effort - missed me by yards
3 : Jedijudy : A unique effort from a unique lady
1 : Jim Goodfellow : Like the joke, missing the PC
2 : Ann : Bonus from Davelarge & Jedijudy
1 : Jedijudy : Bonus from Footdoc
--------------------
The more questions I ask the more I ask fewer questions.
OR=========================================
The wise person does not know all the answers, but always asks the right questions.
Posts: 3326 | From: Exeter, Devon | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged
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Wet Kipper
Circus Runaway
# 1654
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Quizmaster:
2 : Chorister : All PC apart from the toilet
but a toilet is a Public Convenience !
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- insert randomly chosen, potentially Deep and Meaningful™ song lyrics here -
Posts: 9841 | From: further up the Hill | Registered: Nov 2001
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Quizmaster
Quick quipper
# 1435
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Posted
TOP OF THE TABLE
22 Chorister
20 Jedijudy
19 Ann
19 Banner Lady
19 Wet Kipper
18 Mertseger
17 Sharkshooter
15 Cusanus
15 Gwai
15 Lady in Red
14 Icklejen
14 Jon J
13 Davelarge
13 Dogwonderer
Q8) What is the definition of a great time?
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The more questions I ask the more I ask fewer questions.
OR=========================================
The wise person does not know all the answers, but always asks the right questions.
Posts: 3326 | From: Exeter, Devon | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged
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