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Source: (consider it) Thread: Hell: Baby Names for Atheists
rosamundi

Ship's lacemaker
# 2495

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quote:
Originally posted by jlg:
Actual names from a family my husband's childhood best friend married into:

...
Ptarmigan
...

Ptarmigan? That is just mean. Really quite desperately cruel.

[ 10. October 2007, 16:22: Message edited by: rosamundi ]

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Jengie jon

Semper Reformanda
# 273

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quote:
Originally posted by dogwonderer:
quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:
Jesus is a normal boys name

In that case, it seems a little odd that it isn't more popular in the West. So, why aren't all you good Christian folks naming your kids 'Jesus'?

[I've a feeling IngoB's real name should be Jesus, but that's another matter.]

You really have not been listening. They have been, just not in England for some reason perhaps because we prefer Joshua, sound wise. It is the same name as Jesus. Other Biblical names with two spellings include James and Jacob (how the English got James I do not know, but there we are) and John and Ivan.

As for forms of Mary, I am not even going to start listing. Oh the earliest known form of that is Mara and it means bitter.

Jengie

[ 10. October 2007, 16:36: Message edited by: Jengie Jon ]

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Yorick

Infinite Jester
# 12169

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quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:
You really have not been listening. They have been, just not in England for some reason...

I really have. I was specifically asking for that reason.

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این نیز بگذرد

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Anglican_Brat
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# 12349

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I think the reason why many people would not name their child, Jesus is because it is considered THE sacred name. Paul writes that it is under the name of Jesus, that humanity is saved. Because it is holy, naming your child "Jesus" seems awfully trite and bordering on sacrilege.

On the other hand, Joshua is a form of Jesus, and it is a fairly popular name.

[ 10. October 2007, 16:38: Message edited by: bc_anglican ]

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It's Reformation Day! Do your part to promote Christian unity and brotherly love and hug a schismatic.

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Jengie jon

Semper Reformanda
# 273

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quote:
Originally posted by dogwonderer:
quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:
You really have not been listening. They have been, just not in England for some reason...

I really have. I was specifically asking for that reason.
There is no reason to assume any of the Jesus' we have mentioned are anything but Christian. Christianity isn't an English phenomena. So I would say that not using Jesus is an English phenomena not a Christian one.

Jengie

[ 10. October 2007, 16:38: Message edited by: Jengie Jon ]

--------------------
"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge

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Yorick

Infinite Jester
# 12169

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quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:
There is no reason to assume any of the Jesus' we have mentioned are anything but Christian. Christianity isn't an English phenomena. So I would say that not using Jesus is an English phenomena not a Christian one.

You've really not been listening. I was aking why you, Jengie, haven't (presumably) named your child Jesus. Or any other English/US Christians here. Fortunately, bc_a seems to have been listening, and has answered this, above.

Oh, and the singular is phenomenon, BTW.

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این نیز بگذرد

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JimT

Ship'th Mythtic
# 142

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quote:
Originally posted by Callan:

Girl atheist babies are harder. One is pretty much left with Eleanor (Marx).

I didn't see "Ayn" yet. Excellent choice. "Rand" could be used for a boy as well IMO.
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eeGAD

Wandering Stowaway
# 4675

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I may have linked to this site years ago, but it continues to be the benchmark on bad baby names and a wickedly witty response as to why they are so bad.

So many names to choose from, so little time.

Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing

read and enjoy!

eeG

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You don't fix faith. It fixes you. - Shepherd Book

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babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34

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quote:
Originally posted by jlg:
Actual names from a family my husband's childhood best friend married into:
...
Iona
...

Emma mentioned Iona too. I find it decidedly odd that people would think it an odd name. It is a traditional Scottish girls' name. Similar names are Isla and Eileen; all three mean 'island'. They are no more unusual in Scotland than 'Fiona' or 'Sarah'.
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Pearl B4 Swine
Ship's Oyster-Shucker
# 11451

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"Christ" is an acceptable male first name among the Amish in Lancaster County. I see it in classified ads and auction notices in the Lancaster Farmer newspaper.

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Oinkster

"I do a good job and I know how to do this stuff" D. Trump (speaking of the POTUS job)

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Jengie jon

Semper Reformanda
# 273

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quote:
Originally posted by dogwonderer:
quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:
There is no reason to assume any of the Jesus' we have mentioned are anything but Christian. Christianity isn't an English phenomena. So I would say that not using Jesus is an English phenomena not a Christian one.

You've really not been listening. I was aking why you, Jengie, haven't (presumably) named your child Jesus. Or any other English/US Christians here. Fortunately, bc_a seems to have been listening, and has answered this, above.

Oh, and the singular is phenomenon, BTW.

Don't have children, so never considered the possibility. I think when I was quite small at least one of my "friends" was called Jesus (friends is in quotes as I was under three years old and it applied to all the kids around). Being half South African means that I grew up with the stories of children called "Jesus". Not its not particularly rare if you move in the right places.

Look here or here or here if you do not believe me.

There are two origins one via Spain, one via missionary work where they just adopted Jesus. As I have said there really is no difference between calling your child Jesus and calling him Joshua which is probably closer to what Jesus was actually called.

Jengie

--------------------
"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge

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Pants

Emergency underwear
# 999

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quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:
Look here or here or here if you do not believe me.

Was anyone not?

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Adeodatus
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# 4992

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quote:
Originally posted by dogwonderer:
quote:
Originally posted by Sandemaniac:
What do atheists shout when they orgasm?

Dawkins! Dawkins! O, Dawkins.... I'm coming!
... and suddenly, celibacy becomes much, much easier!...

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"What is broken, repair with gold."

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Seeker963
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# 2066

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quote:
Originally posted by Beautiful_Dreamer:
My husband's name is Severn. I believe that is the name of a river.

As a resident of the Severn Valley area, I can attest to that. [Big Grin]

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welsh dragon

Shipmate
# 3249

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African names are excellent (Comfort, Precious, Princess. even Coca Cola)

Dave tells me the name Ichabod means "abandoned by God", so that might be a good name for an atheist. Yes, we watched Sleepy Hollow the other night. But googling I find "glory has departed" and "inglorious" as alternative meanings.

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Mamacita

Lakefront liberal
# 3659

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quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Pânts:
Why not just go for the 'place of conception' idea? Seems to be one of the in things.

Doorway
Stationerycupboard
Golfcourse
Airplane
Party
Bog

You forgot "Backseat."

In the piss-off-the-fundies category, I'm surprised no one has suggested "Darwin."

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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

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Komensky
Shipmate
# 8675

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quote:
Originally posted by dogwonderer:
quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:
Jesus is a normal boys name

In that case, it seems a little odd that it isn't more popular in the West. So, why aren't all you good Christian folks naming your kids 'Jesus'?

[I've a feeling IngoB's real name should be Jesus, but that's another matter.]

It's illegal in England to name your boy 'Jesus'.

K.

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"The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity." - George Bernard Shaw

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Seriously?

It's more or less a traditional name in Mexico. What the heck does Chuy* do if he moves from Oxaca to London?


*Chuy= nickname for Jesus.

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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quote:
Originally posted by jlg:
Ptarmigan

you're freaking kidding me? those are the dumbest birds on the planet, and not even all that pretty to look at. (good eatin' tho...)

Alaskans often give their children either tranditional Alaskan names - Napaqtuq, Nugiluq. Tiqiganaq/Chegiliqoy, Tajoo* - or names from Alaskan places or creatures. Tehrefore, there are at least 3 Denalis in town, I know of one Tazlina and a Yukon (poor guy). I've met numerous Ravens (sacred animal here), a Falcon, and one Wolf.

A friend of my parents wanted them to name me after where I was concieved (there is quite the story there) but as it was in the lodge at Skwentna, I'm so happy they declined.

*nicknames: Napaq, Nuggs, Tiqi/Chel (that was me, by the way), Taj.

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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

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comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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nice new look, eeGAD...

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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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I just realised I just said everything Charlotte said. Sorry about that, girl.

...but the relocation question still stands! Does Chuy have to change his name when he moves to London?

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267

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quote:
Originally posted by Arrietty:
Woody Allen called one of his children Satchel. I think that has great potential and you could use other household articles.

After all, if IKEA is allowed to fill a catalogue full of bookshelves called Bobby and tables called Bjorn, there's no reason you can't call a child Doorstop.

Satchel Paige, great baseball player and a pioneer in the integration of the sport in the US.

[Yellow Shirt]
The bookshelves you are likely referring to is IKEA's BILLY collection (names are always in caps, don't ask, I haven't been given the sekrit handshake for that level of information yet as I am but a lowly cashier). The BILLY collection is our most affordable line of shelving, and is also one of our bestsellers for the last few decades, up there with the LACK and MALM collections. And I'm typing this while seated at my MIKAEL desk. Actually, I really like the collections that have proper names, as I can pronounce BILLY a heckuva lot easier than KLAPPEN.
[/Yellow Shirt]

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Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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I teach a kid name Satchel. First thing I said to him when he came in was "What a great name!"

But then my Stepdad was a huge Satchel Page fan.

(His brother is named Atticus. [Cool] )

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267

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quote:
Originally posted by Komensky:
It's illegal in England to name your boy 'Jesus'.

Crap, I'd better call third cousin Jesse and tell him not to move to England. We calls him Jesse because his first name is "Jesus y Maria".

I know it don't make sense, but hell, my uncle James is called "Rogie" (row-GEE).

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Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account

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Ricardus
Shipmate
# 8757

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This thread reminds me of the story of a Cambridge applicant, who in his interview for admission was asked, "So what made you choose this college?"

"Well," he replied, "I didn't want to go to a college with a religious name like Trinity or Christ's or St John's ... so I chose Emmanuel."

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Then the dog ran before, and coming as if he had brought the news, shewed his joy by his fawning and wagging his tail. -- Tobit 11:9 (Douai-Rheims)

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Komensky
Shipmate
# 8675

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I remember visitng a Polish university about ten years ago and one of the lecturers told me of a Mexican exchange student whose name caused a stir: Jesus Maria. Which, amongst slavs is considering swearing ('Ježíš Maria!' in Czech).

Also, many years ago I was in Boston (USA, not Lincolnshire) and I heard a southern woman shout at her child in a supermarket: 'Spatula, I have two words for you: be have!'. No joke.

So, I suppose 'Spatula' might be a good atheist name.

K.

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"The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity." - George Bernard Shaw

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the Pookah
Shipmate
# 9186

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As shipmates have pointed out it is pretty easy:

trees, rivers: Rowan, Daisy, Iona, Severn

Roman names: Marcus/Marca, Quintus/Quinta, Gaius/Gaia, Tiberius, Tiberia, Titus...

French Revolutionary names:(!) Liberte, Brutus, Danton, Cato, Floreal. I saw this book in the library, actual names, fascinating.

Russian Revolutionary names: Octabrina, October
comes to mind as particularly nice.

And finally the great atomist: Lucretius, who wrote the bissful 'On the Nature of Things' . If a girl Lucretia..
the Pookah

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Choirboy
Shipmate
# 9659

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Or you could pick names that summarize atheist thought, like 'Wormfood'. [Big Grin]
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R.A.M.
Shipmate
# 7390

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There are rules in Britain about what you can name someone, but not on what you can be named.

E.G. I could not change my name by deed poll to Duke. Were I an American called Duke I could move here and keep my name.

(quite simple really)

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Formerly Real Ale Methodist
Back after prolonged absence...

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Zealot en vacance
Shipmate
# 9795

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quote:
Originally posted by MouseThief:
quote:
Originally posted by Zealot en vacance:
Using the puritan example, names for the desired attitudes and attributes would seem appropriate.

Rationalista, Science-can-explain-everything, Materialistica, Progressive, Reasonabilia, Evolved, etc.

How I wish I'd made a similar point. [Roll Eyes]
So very sorry to have had better ideas.

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He said, "Love one another".

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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I found out yesterday that I woman I know has a daughter called Heaven. I almost choked. I must ask her if she's a God-botherer, or just slightly nutty.

Despite being a heathen myself, my two girls' names are both saints' names and my son's name apparently means "The way" in arabic. I realise now that I've made a gross mistake and should rename them. I'm thinking:

Brunhilda;
Ermyntrude; and
Herbert.

If any of the above should, in fact, be religious names, please let me know, and I'll have a re-think.

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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.

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Manipled Mutineer
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# 11514

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quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
I found out yesterday that I woman I know has a daughter called Heaven. I almost choked. I must ask her if she's a God-botherer, or just slightly nutty.

Despite being a heathen myself, my two girls' names are both saints' names and my son's name apparently means "The way" in arabic. I realise now that I've made a gross mistake and should rename them. I'm thinking:

Brunhilda;
Ermyntrude; and
Herbert.

If any of the above should, in fact, be religious names, please let me know, and I'll have a re-think.

Herbert is a problem; three times in fact. The other two seem fine, though, if that's any consolation.

--------------------
Collecting Catholic and Anglo-
Catholic books


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the Pookah
Shipmate
# 9186

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Brunhilda was a Valkyrie; and I don't think Atheists want to support Asatru either;-) So don't call your son Thor.

Concord, Reason, Liberty sound good to me if we are inventing a new nomenclature. Why not?

the Pookah

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Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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Romulus or Remus are good LATA.

Or if he's a typical boy child Keep Peace.

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Even more so than I was before

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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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I wouldn't name my kid Jesus. It could get pretty confusing at prayer time.

Not to mention, "Hey, Jesus, get your a** out of that tree RIGHT NOW!"

ETA: Similarly embarrassing, but possible, names for an atheist girl would be Vulva, Vagina and Clitoris. Sounds like something Robert Herrick would write poems to.

[ 10. October 2007, 22:34: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

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Komensky
Shipmate
# 8675

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quote:
Originally posted by the Pookah:
As shipmates have pointed out it is pretty easy:
[snip
Russian Revolutionary names: Octabrina, October
comes to mind as particularly nice.

And finally the great atomist: Lucretius, who wrote the bissful 'On the Nature of Things' . If a girl Lucretia..
the Pookah

Right, well there are tonnes of great communist names. I've met several Russians and Ukes with names like 'Ninel' (Lenin spelled backwards) and a saucy girls name 'Elektrifikace'. Those poor souls. Just like the little chavlettes now called Chardonnay, Aniken, LaTisha, etc.

K.

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"The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity." - George Bernard Shaw

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Qestia

Marshwiggle
# 717

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quote:
Originally posted by Pânts:
Why not just go for the 'place of conception' idea? Seems to be one of the in things.

OP here. I guess "jersey" might be okay. I will suggest it.

I know a Satchel, too. Ugly little brute.

Seriously though, what are the religious connotations of "william"?

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I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t an Aslan to lead it.
I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn’t any Narnia.

Posts: 1213 | From: Boston | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Spiffy
Ship's WonderSheep
# 5267

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I've worked at a school with a student named Vagina.

Pronounced veh-GIN-uh.

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Looking for a simple solution to all life's problems? We are proud to present obstinate denial. Accept no substitute. Accept nothing.
--Night Vale Radio Twitter Account

Posts: 10281 | From: Beervana | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
sharkshooter

Not your average shark
# 1589

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quote:
Originally posted by Pearl B4 Swine:
"Christ" is an acceptable male first name ...

Imagine for a minute a daughter given "Christ" as a first name.

When she gets older and her siblings have children, they will call her ...

AntiChrist

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Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. [Psalm 19:14]

Posts: 7772 | From: Canada; Washington DC; Phoenix; it's complicated | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
RooK

1 of 6
# 1852

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You're all very amusing. Really.

I especially like how each and every one of you appears to be utterly oblivious to the implied reasons why someone might not want to have their children with names too strongly associated with religion. It's a quaint joke how christianity is seen more and more as foolish, callow, and malignant. And you're the slack-jawed punchline.

(Presumably the participating non-theists are either morons, or laughing AT the christians. Or maybe both.)

To which the secure-in-their-beliefs people might retort, "We're not even slightly worried about that perception, because we're obviously not those things."

Let me preemptively pat you on the head. No, of course you're not. It's those pesky other christians. They're totally different, and everybody knows that.

Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
duchess

Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764

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I worked with a girl named "LaTrean" for 6 years. My mother would not believe me when I was talking about work and said "I was talking to LaTrean and her husband when..." <abrupt interrupted by mom> "Wait, hold on a minute. You work with someone named after a bathroom?" Then it hit me. And I had trouble saying her name ever since.

(Not making this up...African-American from East Palo Alto. Nice girl too and very pretty. But the name really was not a good one. I hope she never stumbles upon this post.)

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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party

Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
Gwai
Shipmate
# 11076

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So Rook, can you tell me with a straight face, that you would associate the name William with religion in a way that could bother you? Or if you had a daughter, you'd have to be careful of calling her Rebecca in case someone thought you were a Christian?

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A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.


Posts: 11914 | From: Chicago | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
RooK

1 of 6
# 1852

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quote:
Originally posted by Gwai:
So Rook, can you tell me with a straight face, that you would associate the name William with religion in a way that could bother you? Or if you had a daughter, you'd have to be careful of calling her Rebecca in case someone thought you were a Christian?

My spawn will be lucky if I don't name it after a particularly virulent parasite. But no, I can't say that I personally give a flying fuck about whether any particular name is associated with christianity.

But suggesting exactly that insult to smug christians? I'm all over that. Obviously.

Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
sharkshooter

Not your average shark
# 1589

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Did someone misplace your medication, RooK?

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Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. [Psalm 19:14]

Posts: 7772 | From: Canada; Washington DC; Phoenix; it's complicated | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Phos Hilaron
Shipmate
# 6914

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posted by Rook
quote:
I especially like how each and every one of you appears to be utterly oblivious to the implied reasons why someone might not want to have their children with names too strongly associated with religion. It's a quaint joke how christianity is seen more and more as foolish, callow, and malignant. And you're the slack-jawed punchline.
Oh, we spotted the reasons, my dear boy. We're just having a bit of fun in Hell.

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Gaero?.......Gaero!

Posts: 1684 | From: Choson | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
RooK

1 of 6
# 1852

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quote:
Originally posted by HangarQueen:
Oh, we spotted the reasons, my dear boy. We're just having a bit of fun in Hell.

Gosh, superinsightfulperson, it's awfully fortunate that I made that mistake so that I could accidentally piss all over your inappropriate use of this forum.

Fucking tool.

Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged
Janine

The Endless Simmer
# 3337

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There ya go, great name for an atheist's baby!

Name the little beggar a good strong anti-God name that will truly display and portray the way you hope he grows up to spread the anti-Word:

"Fucking Tool"!!

How's a bout "Hapless Pawn"?

Or the anti-form of various good Christian names:

"Faithless", "Hopeless", "Loveless" --

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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *

Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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Darwin, Rook, who crapped on your cornflakes?

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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Alfred E. Neuman

What? Me worry?
# 6855

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I suspect it was a herd of circus clowns suffering from diarrhea.

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--Formerly: Gort--

Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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Send out the clowns! There ought not be clowns!

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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged



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