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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Eccles: Germaphobes and Communion
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Forthview
Shipmate
# 12376
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Posted
Ecclesiastical flip flop I should be more than willing to accept your reliable information,as it is what I would have thought myself.
Posts: 3444 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2007
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cor ad cor loquitur
Shipmate
# 11816
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Max.:
You wouldn't want to help out in the Jesuits?
Of course not! My mission as prefect of the CDF -- should His Holiness so appoint me -- will be to hunt down and vaporise heretics. The Jesuits are harbouring plenty of heretics, let me tell you...and don't even get me started on the Anglicans...
Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!
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Quam vos veritatem interpretationis, hanc eruditi κακοζηλίαν nuncupant … si ad verbum interpretor, absurde resonant. (St Jerome, Ep. 57 to Pammachius)
Posts: 1332 | From: London | Registered: Sep 2006
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Olaf
Shipmate
# 11804
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by cor ad cor loquitur:
quote:
Originally posted by Max.:
You wouldn't want to help out in the Jesuits?
Of course not! My mission as prefect of the CDF -- should His Holiness so appoint me -- will be to hunt down and vaporise heretics. The Jesuits are harbouring plenty of heretics, let me tell you...and don't even get me started on the Anglicans...
Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!
One must be careful! The pontrip has made significant progress in the area of ecumenism.
[ 18. October 2008, 18:33: Message edited by: Martin L ]
Posts: 8953 | From: Ad Midwestem | Registered: Sep 2006
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Max.
Shipmate
# 5846
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by cor ad cor loquitur:
quote:
Originally posted by Max.:
You wouldn't want to help out in the Jesuits?
Of course not! My mission as prefect of the CDF -- should His Holiness so appoint me -- will be to hunt down and vaporise heretics. The Jesuits are harbouring plenty of heretics, let me tell you...and don't even get me started on the Anglicans...
Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!
Hah! But we're not called the Catholic Gestapo for nothing!
Max.
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For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Posts: 9716 | From: North Yorkshire | Registered: May 2004
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Triple Tiara
Ship's Papabile
# 9556
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known:
Kissing the pontifical scarlet slippers of His Holiness Pope Triple Tiara, may I respectfully and humbly ask to be appointed to an office that he deems will put my limited skill and knowledge to better use?
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
mmmm. Let's see. How about Archpriest of a Lesser Known Basilica?
cor ad cor loquitur as Prefect of the CDF: what an excellent idea. Be it so enacted!
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I'm a Roman. You may call me Caligula.
Posts: 5905 | From: London, England | Registered: May 2005
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cor ad cor loquitur
Shipmate
# 11816
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Posted
Thank you, your Holiness, for the privilege of service.
I shall be unremitting in my pursuit of heresy and heretics.
No turn shall remain unstoned. Or something like that.
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Quam vos veritatem interpretationis, hanc eruditi κακοζηλίαν nuncupant … si ad verbum interpretor, absurde resonant. (St Jerome, Ep. 57 to Pammachius)
Posts: 1332 | From: London | Registered: Sep 2006
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Max.
Shipmate
# 5846
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Posted
Leave the J's alone though
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For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Posts: 9716 | From: North Yorkshire | Registered: May 2004
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Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known
Shipmate
# 11399
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Triple Tiara:
quote:
Originally posted by Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known:
Kissing the pontifical scarlet slippers of His Holiness Pope Triple Tiara, may I respectfully and humbly ask to be appointed to an office that he deems will put my limited skill and knowledge to better use?
mmmm. Let's see. How about Archpriest of a Lesser Known Basilica?
My sincerest thanks, Most Holy Father! ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
My first act as Archpriest of the Lesser Known Basilica: Ensure that HH, Pope Triple Tiara will have at all times at his disposal in the Basilica the following: - a selection of tiaras
- a selection of copes and other vestments
- a selection of thrones
- sediarii
among other items. For purposes of security, minimal publicity will be allowed in the precincts of the Lesser Known Basilica save for the interior, and that musical selections are to be submitted to the venerable Chief Musical Director Rossweisse, while the rites shall be in the jurisdiction of the most reverend Martin L, master of Papal Ceremonies.
Incense will be available by the tonne, for all high Masses.
So ordered by my very reverend self, the Archpriest Hedrin of the Lesser Known.
[ 20. October 2008, 13:55: Message edited by: Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known ]
Posts: 1833 | From: Manila, Philippines | Registered: May 2006
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Triple Tiara
Ship's Papabile
# 9556
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Posted
For setting such a good example of filial devotion and fraternal co-operation, the twin pillars of communion, WE elevate you immediately to the rank of Cardinal Bishop of Ostia Antica!
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I'm a Roman. You may call me Caligula.
Posts: 5905 | From: London, England | Registered: May 2005
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Shadowhund
Shipmate
# 9175
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Max.:
From the desk of the Jesuit and Ignatian Outreach Committee for the Jesuit Provinces
Dear fellow Brothers and Sisters,
In this deep financial crisis that we seem to be facing, we feel that it is our role to reach out to those who feel that they are in a situation of desperation and despair. We feel that the best thing we can do is invite them to mass, which is why next Sunday in all Jesuit outposts, we shall be celebrating " Folk Mass Sunday"
Suggested hymns for this wonderful outreach would be:
Bind us Together Lord
Sing it in the Valleys, Shout it from the mountain tops!
Jesus put this song into my heart
The Magic Penny Song
I am the bread of life
We hope you have a fantastic outreach mass!
Sister Hilary C.J.
You forgot the New Seekers' Free To Be You And Me song.
And, just for the kiddies: the Roberta Flack and Michael Jackson duet "When I Grow Up"
And, at the conclusion, the New Seekers will reappear for a candlelight rendition of "I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing"
How deliciously calculated to annoy nasty, mean people like the Pope, Damian Thompson and Franco-American.
[ 20. October 2008, 15:10: Message edited by: Franco-American ]
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"Had the Dean's daughter worn a bra that afternoon, Norman Shotover might never have found out about the Church of England; still less about how to fly"
A.N. Wilson
Posts: 3788 | From: Your Disquieted Conscience | Registered: Mar 2005
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Max.
Shipmate
# 5846
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Posted
Ah but Damien doesn't like me anyway, not after what I said to him last time we met!
Max.
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For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Posts: 9716 | From: North Yorkshire | Registered: May 2004
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Olaf
Shipmate
# 11804
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known:
For purposes of security, minimal publicity will be allowed in the precincts of the Lesser Known Basilica save for the interior, and that musical selections are to be submitted to the venerable Chief Musical Director Rossweisse, while the rites shall be in the jurisdiction of the most reverend Martin L, master of Papal Ceremonies.
Incense will be available by the tonne, for all high Masses.
So ordered by my very reverend self, the Archpriest Hedrin of the Lesser Known.
The Master of Papal Ceremonies approves of all your sage suggestions. The purchase orders for tons of incense have already been submitted.
On those occasions when you and the subdean of the College will act as principal concelebrants, I shall respectfully ask the Papal Chamberlain St. Silas the Carter to find suitable attire to befit your rank, while I myself will begin searching for obscure yet highly important rites which may be yours by privilege as Titular Bishop of the Suburbicarian See of Ostia. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
I would like to comment Triple's ecumenically-minded leadership. The seniormost Cardinal-Bishop is apparently "High Church Evangelical with Anglican leanings"!
Posts: 8953 | From: Ad Midwestem | Registered: Sep 2006
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Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known
Shipmate
# 11399
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Triple Tiara:
For setting such a good example of filial devotion and fraternal co-operation, the twin pillars of communion, WE elevate you immediately to the rank of Cardinal Bishop of Ostia Antica!
I am humbled and honored by this most pleasant surprise, Your Holiness!
I shall discharge my office faithfully through Our Lord Jesus Christ and His Holy Apostles, Peter and Paul, and Mary, the Blessed Mother.
Most Reverend Martin L, I thank you for your approval of the catalogue that I have requested for the Lesser Known Basilica, of which I am Archpriest (can I still keep my Archpriesthood of the Basilica while holding cardinalitial office?), and for your consideration of proper rites that I may use in the future as Dean of the Sacred College. As such, I simply request that I be allowed to alternate between Roman and English rochets depending on the nature of the Celebration, and other apparel deemed suitable or proper for my functions.
Posts: 1833 | From: Manila, Philippines | Registered: May 2006
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Triple Tiara
Ship's Papabile
# 9556
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Martin L:
I would like to comment Triple's ecumenically-minded leadership. The seniormost Cardinal-Bishop is apparently "High Church Evangelical with Anglican leanings"!
Hey, we drove them away by selling Indulgences, so we might as well buy them back with titles and offices!
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I'm a Roman. You may call me Caligula.
Posts: 5905 | From: London, England | Registered: May 2005
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Olaf
Shipmate
# 11804
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known:
(can I still keep my Archpriesthood of the Basilica while holding cardinalitial office?)
Cardinal Law, formerly of Boston, was named Archpriest of somewhere in Rome after he resigned his See. He remains a cardinal.
quote:
As such, I simply request that I be allowed to alternate between Roman and English rochets depending on the nature of the Celebration
Affirmative ad mentem: It has been a longstanding expectation that the proper vestments are used for their proper rites.
quote:
...and other apparel deemed suitable or proper for my functions.
Provided it has been deemed suitable by this office before being worn, there is no problem.
[ 21. October 2008, 01:54: Message edited by: Martin L ]
Posts: 8953 | From: Ad Midwestem | Registered: Sep 2006
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Olaf
Shipmate
# 11804
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Triple Tiara:
quote:
Originally posted by Martin L:
I would like to comment Triple's ecumenically-minded leadership. The seniormost Cardinal-Bishop is apparently "High Church Evangelical with Anglican leanings"!
Hey, we drove them away by selling Indulgences, so we might as well buy them back with titles and offices!
Have you discussed this with your [real] superiors? It might actually work. Perhaps the Cardinal-Bishops could include the ABC, the ABY, the President of the LWF, the Head Honcho of the United Methodists, etc.
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
Posts: 8953 | From: Ad Midwestem | Registered: Sep 2006
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Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known
Shipmate
# 11399
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Martin L:
quote:
Originally posted by Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known:
(can I still keep my Archpriesthood of the Basilica while holding cardinalitial office?)
Cardinal Law, formerly of Boston, was named Archpriest of somewhere in Rome after he resigned his See. He remains a cardinal.
quote:
As such, I simply request that I be allowed to alternate between Roman and English rochets depending on the nature of the Celebration
Affirmative ad mentem: It has been a longstanding expectation that the proper vestments are used for their proper rites.
quote:
...and other apparel deemed suitable or proper for my functions.
Provided it has been deemed suitable by this office before being worn, there is no problem.
Am happy with the news of keeping my archpriesthood of the Lesser Known Basilica. Thank you.
As for the permission extended for me to don either type of rochet, I am thankful for such provisions according to propriety, ditto my donning of other vesture and apparel as befits my office.
On the subject of administering in both kinds, I ask to be allowed to don gloves when distributing communion, which I will dip first in the chalice to allow the faithful to receive in both species.
Posts: 1833 | From: Manila, Philippines | Registered: May 2006
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Sober Preacher's Kid
Presbymethegationalist
# 12699
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Posted
As I was looking at myself in my Geneva Gown, pondering my tabs, I noticed how wonderfully silly and anachronistic I looked, and then thought that allowing a sedilla into the church was OK after all.
Sooo...
[Kissing the slippers, thrice of course]
Congratulations on your Election, most holy Father!
In celebration of this most joyous occasion, I have caused all "No Smoking" signs to be taken down from my local parish of Presbymethemationalists. Especially the one near the Lord's Table.
I have also encouraged the Session to fill the blank spaces on our walls with Holy Images, starting from the East Wall and working back. The painters are coming on Thursday.
As our Organ had reached the end of its service life (as it was predestined to do. ) we have chosen to rely on purely vocal music in the future. Some selections:
For Easter...
A song from Heaven, truly...
This one we do whenever we can...
Thinking of our dear Holy Father...
Given your generosity of spirit, might this humble Reformed join the ranks of your Anglican and Lutheran followers in your service?
[prostrating at the foot of the Papal Throne]
Remember, Geneva, Edinburgh and Toronto love you!
[ 21. October 2008, 03:26: Message edited by: Sober Preacher's Kid ]
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NDP Federal Convention Ottawa 2018: A random assortment of Prots and Trots.
Posts: 7646 | From: Peterborough, Upper Canada | Registered: Jun 2007
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Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known
Shipmate
# 11399
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Posted
Most Holy Father Triple Tiara (long may he gloriously reign!), I beseech Your Holiness to grant the supplication of our Reformed brother Sober Preacher's Kid who asks that he, too, be part of your curia.
He seeks to do well, by my humble estimate, to reform the Reform, and to restore that which was unfortunately lost during those times of tumult.
Kissing the Fisherman's Ring,
Hedrin Card. Ep. Ostia Antica
Archpriest of the Lesser Known Basilica.
Posts: 1833 | From: Manila, Philippines | Registered: May 2006
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Triple Tiara
Ship's Papabile
# 9556
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Posted
<<<Private Papal thought: Ah, did not OUR Venerable Predecessors the Renaissance Popes know a thing or two! Handing out titles and offices certainly brings them into line! Even the most hardened Protestant heart melts at the thought of a Papal title ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif) >>>>
Sober Preacher's Kid: WE note with pontifical delight the conversion from your erstwhile obstinacy and your willingness to serve US in OUR Supreme Governance. WE are not entirely convinced yet of your personal theological persuasions, but WE can ignore those for the time being. Noting your own request, WE grant you Governance of the Institute of Pontifical Works (also known as the Vatican Bank). That way WE can keep you from theological and liturgical concerns and thus preserve such offices for True Believers. WE allow you to don Geneva Gown and tights - but only while working in OUR bank - WE would not want to frighten OUR sartorial advisors, such as St Silas, by the sight of such gear near the Pontifical Throne. However, you may also wear your outfit when dining with Cardinal Max in his sandals, and indeed whenever you have dealings with any Jesuits. God knows, the Geneva get-up is a vast improvement on some of the stuff they themselves choose to wear!
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I'm a Roman. You may call me Caligula.
Posts: 5905 | From: London, England | Registered: May 2005
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Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known
Shipmate
# 11399
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Posted
In continuation with keeping charge of the Lesser Known Basilica, I must entreat my most eminent and most reverend brother, the Lord Cardinal Max., to don proper footwear when celebrating at the Lesser Known Basilica, of which I am archpriest, unless if our Most Holy Father is present and holds court, as it were, in the Basilica.
I respectfully submit to the wiser judgment of the Most Reverend Master of Ceremonies, m'lord Martin L, and to HH, the Pope Triple Tiara, the revival of a most ancient custom concerning the use of the golden fistula that is to be sanitized and sanctified for all papal celebrations, for the safety of the Pope when he visits the Lesser Known Basilica. The use of the fistula is an added security feature for the Basilica's rites, insofar as HH will celebrate Mass on a grand scale with less publicity.
Strong men have been enlisted as vergers as an extra precaution, and they are to wear cassocks for their office.
+Hedrin Card. Ep. Ostia
[ 21. October 2008, 14:05: Message edited by: Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known ]
Posts: 1833 | From: Manila, Philippines | Registered: May 2006
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Triple Tiara
Ship's Papabile
# 9556
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Posted
![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
a fistula?
All WE know of a fistula is this.
![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
Are you turning your Basilica into some sort of unsavoury haunt? The mentioning of strong men in cassocks seems to confirm that suspicion.
[ 21. October 2008, 14:17: Message edited by: Triple Tiara ]
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I'm a Roman. You may call me Caligula.
Posts: 5905 | From: London, England | Registered: May 2005
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dj_ordinaire
Host
# 4643
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known:
Strong men have been enlisted as vergers as an extra precaution, and they are to wear cassocks for their office.
What colour, Your Archness?
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Flinging wide the gates...
Posts: 10335 | From: Hanging in the balance of the reality of man | Registered: Jun 2003
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Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known
Shipmate
# 11399
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Posted
No, not that, Most Holy Father.
I had used the Latin name for what is no more than the little golden straw that the Pontiff uses when partaking of the chalice back in the day when the rim of the cup was most prone to poisoning. It is all for your protection.
As for the strongmen in cassocks, they're supposed to be a new detachment of the Swiss Guard. I am of the belief that the security detail should blend in with the dignitary's retinue. In Your case, Most Holy Father, they'll have to blend in with the other clergy in cassocks. Camouflage and all that.
My most humble apologies for having caused some panic in your Holiness' heart. *prostrates self*
Kissing the Pontifical Slippers,
[i]+Hedrin Card. Ep. Ostia Antica,
Archpriest of the Lesser Known[/b]
Posts: 1833 | From: Manila, Philippines | Registered: May 2006
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Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known
Shipmate
# 11399
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by dj_ordinaire:
quote:
Originally posted by Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known:
Strong men have been enlisted as vergers as an extra precaution, and they are to wear cassocks for their office.
What colour, Your Archness?
Black, like everybody else's. Sarum cassocks are advisable as there are less buttons to undo for revealing pistols or daggers or assorted arms. Then again, as vergers, even their staves are sufficient in keeping at bay the sleeper and other troublemakers.
They'll be a new detachment of the Swiss Guard, although their uniform will be more clerical (save for the occasional breastplate and steel capello).
Posts: 1833 | From: Manila, Philippines | Registered: May 2006
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Max.
Shipmate
# 5846
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Posted
Hey Pope Trip,
Is it OK if I bring some of my Jesuit Bros to mass with me? We'll wear shoes I promise!
Cardinal Max.
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For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Posts: 9716 | From: North Yorkshire | Registered: May 2004
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dj_ordinaire
Host
# 4643
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known:
quote:
Originally posted by dj_ordinaire:
quote:
Originally posted by Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known:
Strong men have been enlisted as vergers as an extra precaution, and they are to wear cassocks for their office.
What colour, Your Archness?
Black, like everybody else's. Sarum cassocks are advisable as there are less buttons to undo ....
Fewer, dear. Fewer.
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Flinging wide the gates...
Posts: 10335 | From: Hanging in the balance of the reality of man | Registered: Jun 2003
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Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known
Shipmate
# 11399
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by dj_ordinaire:
quote:
Originally posted by Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known:
quote:
Originally posted by dj_ordinaire:
quote:
Originally posted by Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known:
Strong men have been enlisted as vergers as an extra precaution, and they are to wear cassocks for their office.
What colour, Your Archness?
Black, like everybody else's. Sarum cassocks are advisable as there are less buttons to undo ....
Fewer, dear. Fewer.
whoops! My apologies for poor grammar.
On the other hand, should they wear cinctures or fascias, too?
Posts: 1833 | From: Manila, Philippines | Registered: May 2006
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Sober Preacher's Kid
Presbymethegationalist
# 12699
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Posted
From the Desk of SPK, Governor the the Office of Papal Works:
Dear Bothers and Sisters in Christ:
As Governor, it is my solemn duty to provide for the financial security of the Holy See's activities. To that end, and noting that the Most Rev'd Cardinal of Ostia Antica's use of incense by the tonne, I have engaged in a series of futures, forward contracts, swaps, and other commercial transactions to provide a central source of incense. This will provide for decrease of 70% in the cost per tonne of incense.
It is my pious hope that all churches will switch to the new supply system, such that incense may be more regularly used, and costs decreased. The savings ought to be directed into other tat and frippery improvements, such as the immediate replacement of all cassock-albs, except in those provinces as contain Jesuits.
I can therefore humbly report that the indulgence revenues can therefore be preserved and directed to the glorification of our Most Holy Father's cathedral, basilicas, chapels, and other patrimony of the Holy See. We hope that this period of providence and stewardship may be a New Renaissance of religious art and pious works.
Yours in Faith,
SPK
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NDP Federal Convention Ottawa 2018: A random assortment of Prots and Trots.
Posts: 7646 | From: Peterborough, Upper Canada | Registered: Jun 2007
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Triple Tiara
Ship's Papabile
# 9556
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Posted
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
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I'm a Roman. You may call me Caligula.
Posts: 5905 | From: London, England | Registered: May 2005
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Max.
Shipmate
# 5846
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Posted
The Jesuits wish to bestow the Holy Father with $300,000 raised from our latest book.
We wish this money to be used at the Holy Father's pleasure.
Yours in Christ
Cardinal Max.
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For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Posts: 9716 | From: North Yorkshire | Registered: May 2004
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Triple Tiara
Ship's Papabile
# 9556
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Posted
Well, at least it wasn't proceeds from the "Jesuit Vegetarian Cookbook"!
WE hand the funds over to SPK, to be invested at the service of the poor, under the direction of OUR brother ken.
<<<< Private Papal thought: if WE make ken a Cardinal, WE could call him red ken >>>>>
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I'm a Roman. You may call me Caligula.
Posts: 5905 | From: London, England | Registered: May 2005
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Sober Preacher's Kid
Presbymethegationalist
# 12699
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Posted
Accepted and cashed. Here's your receipt and Indulgence.
SPK, Governor of the Office of Papal Works and Receiver-General for the Holy See.
[ 21. October 2008, 23:37: Message edited by: Sober Preacher's Kid ]
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NDP Federal Convention Ottawa 2018: A random assortment of Prots and Trots.
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Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known
Shipmate
# 11399
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sober Preacher's Kid:
From the Desk of SPK, Governor the the Office of Papal Works:
Dear Bothers and Sisters in Christ:
As Governor, it is my solemn duty to provide for the financial security of the Holy See's activities. To that end, and noting that the Most Rev'd Cardinal of Ostia Antica's use of incense by the tonne, I have engaged in a series of futures, forward contracts, swaps, and other commercial transactions to provide a central source of incense. This will provide for decrease of 70% in the cost per tonne of incense.
* * *
Yours in Faith,
SPK
I am honored, Your Excellency SPK, Governor of the Office of Papal Works, by consideration of this gesture of a significant reduction in the cost of incense. As a precious commodity in this day and age, the continued availability of incense presents great hope for the enhancement of liturgy as an omnisensory experience. Should we not throw in a few indulgences for every tonne willingly and generously donated by the faithful to our supplies?
I am now concerned with the prices of wheat and wine, as these, too, are integral to the life of the universal Church. Were we to assign regional centers of growth and production for these commodities but set a higher standard for the quality without raising the cost, it will be for our good and that of the Church.
As regards improvements on church fabric, we ask that of the funds directed to the Lesser Known Basilica, of which I am Archpriest, a portion of it be invested in high-value commodities whose worth appreciate with time and use. These include the selections of tiaras and all other high vesture for the exclusive use of the Pontiff, as well as the creation of a revolving fund for the maintenance of same fabric.
Yours in Our Lord Jesus Christ,
+Hedrin Card. Ep. Ostia Antica
Concurrent Cardinal Archpriest of the Lesser Known
Posts: 1833 | From: Manila, Philippines | Registered: May 2006
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beachpsalms
Shipmate
# 4979
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Posted
Good Lord.
I actually own that cookbook. Made the onion bread this week.
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"You willing to die for that belief?"
"I am. 'Course, that ain't exactly Plan A."
Posts: 826 | From: a hamster's cheek-pouch full of raisins | Registered: Sep 2003
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Olaf
Shipmate
# 11804
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Max.:
The Jesuits wish to bestow the Holy Father with $300,000 raised from our latest book.
We wish this money to be used at the Holy Father's pleasure.
Yours in Christ
Cardinal Max.
Cardinal Max, what's up with the priest and the turtle? It looks like he's sprinkling upside down.
Posts: 8953 | From: Ad Midwestem | Registered: Sep 2006
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Sober Preacher's Kid
Presbymethegationalist
# 12699
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by beachpsalms:
Good Lord.
I actually own that cookbook. Made the onion bread this week.
Is there no end to this Jesuit infiltration?
Where's the CDF when you need it?
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NDP Federal Convention Ottawa 2018: A random assortment of Prots and Trots.
Posts: 7646 | From: Peterborough, Upper Canada | Registered: Jun 2007
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Sober Preacher's Kid
Presbymethegationalist
# 12699
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Posted
[Bows to the Cardinal of Ostia Antica]
My Lord Cardinal:
It has troubled me deeply that the Faithful may not partake of Holy Communion due to crass concerns about money. While just and honest trade is clearly right in the sight of the Lord, what you describe is to be deplored.
Hence I have been in deep conversation with the various Orders. They have agreed that in concert with my Office they shall endeavour to provide flour and wine of the highest quality from their farms, to be distributed from a central fund, the Mass Appeal to the Masses. I anticipate the savings will be the same level as that derived from the successful incense plan.
Lay oblates may affiliate with this new extension of the honourable religious orders, and obtain regular indulgences for work performed.
I must say the Benedictines have been very helpful in this regard, the Jesuits, not so much. ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
Therefore there should be no excuse for anything less then daily celebration of the Mass in any church, chapel, cathedral, basilica, or religious house, with incense of course.
My office has published stewardship guidelines that should allow a decent haze every day. If the Faithful can tell the images of Peter from Paul, then the incense budget is obviously being withheld improperly.
While your suggestion with regards to tiaras is appreciated, we do not consider such precious objects mere investments. They are part of the permanent patrimony of the Church and therefore will not be sold. The Office of Papal Works prefers solid Canadian bank paper for the daily work of providing for the support of the Church's mission.
Yours in Christ,
SPK
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NDP Federal Convention Ottawa 2018: A random assortment of Prots and Trots.
Posts: 7646 | From: Peterborough, Upper Canada | Registered: Jun 2007
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cor ad cor loquitur
Shipmate
# 11816
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sober Preacher's Kid:
Where's the CDF when you need it?
Nobody ever expects the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith!
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Quam vos veritatem interpretationis, hanc eruditi κακοζηλίαν nuncupant … si ad verbum interpretor, absurde resonant. (St Jerome, Ep. 57 to Pammachius)
Posts: 1332 | From: London | Registered: Sep 2006
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Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known
Shipmate
# 11399
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sober Preacher's Kid:
[Bows to the Cardinal of Ostia Antica]
My Lord Cardinal:
It has troubled me deeply that the Faithful may not partake of Holy Communion due to crass concerns about money. While just and honest trade is clearly right in the sight of the Lord, what you describe is to be deplored.
Hence I have been in deep conversation with the various Orders. They have agreed that in concert with my Office they shall endeavour to provide flour and wine of the highest quality from their farms, to be distributed from a central fund, the Mass Appeal to the Masses. I anticipate the savings will be the same level as that derived from the successful incense plan.
Lay oblates may affiliate with this new extension of the honourable religious orders, and obtain regular indulgences for work performed.
I must say the Benedictines have been very helpful in this regard, the Jesuits, not so much.
Therefore there should be no excuse for anything less then daily celebration of the Mass in any church, chapel, cathedral, basilica, or religious house, with incense of course.
My office has published stewardship guidelines that should allow a decent haze every day. If the Faithful can tell the images of Peter from Paul, then the incense budget is obviously being withheld improperly.
While your suggestion with regards to tiaras is appreciated, we do not consider such precious objects mere investments. They are part of the permanent patrimony of the Church and therefore will not be sold. The Office of Papal Works prefers solid Canadian bank paper for the daily work of providing for the support of the Church's mission.
Yours in Christ,
SPK
Your Excellency,
I applaud your beatific shrewdness in assuring and guaranteeing the supply of the ingredients for the continued celebration Sacred Mysteries in the Church. This is a sign of the perpetual nourishment physical and spiritual that is to sustain the Church for all eternity. Your enlistment of the Benedictines is lauded, although it is regrettable that the cooperation of the Jesuits, to whom my brother Lord Max. is our cardinal legate, cannot come to fruition.
As for additions for the vestural holdings of the Church, it is true that the temporal value of tiaras and other precious vestments may bear a price tag for those of a secular bent. Their value may certainly increase monetarily, but their spiritual worth, especially as part of the tangible tradition and patrimony of the Church Universal, is inestimable to say the least. The re-sale of those precious articles will be a blow to the integrity of the Church's vestural fabric, and must not be condoned.
I suppose that our most reverend brother, cor ad cor loquitur, Lord Prefect of the C.D.F., to equate the sale of any item of Ecclesiastical Patrimony punishable with applicable penalties, subject to his discretion and papal approval.
Yours in Christ,
+Hedrin Card. Ep. Ostia Antica
Cardinal Archpriest of the Lesser Known
Posts: 1833 | From: Manila, Philippines | Registered: May 2006
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cor ad cor loquitur
Shipmate
# 11816
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Posted
Your Holiness
This dicastery has reviewed a number of electronic posts on the Interweb (interrete) concerning the sale and procurement of papal vestments, the financing of the Holy See, the production of Jesuit cookbooks and the adoption of new worship songs.
The members of this dicastery would respectfully remind our most revered Curial brethren that the competence of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith does not extend to speculation in incense or other commodities or to the liceity or lack thereof of trafficking in liturgical vestments. Nor have we competence to speak about worship music, which we note is in the safe and knowledgeable hands of our esteemed colleague Rossweise. Our concern is solely with doctrine.
We note with pleasure that the most esteemed members of the Society of Jesus are turning their considerable capabilities toward the writing of cookbooks. This will give them less time for theological speculation and the promulgation of heresy.
The competence of this Congregation does extend to the words of liturgical songs, and we note with alarm that many of these have been adopted from diverse ecclesial communities. We are presently reviewing the lyrics of these songs for orthodoxy and we are drafting, for Your approval, a Doctrinal Note regarding the use of Protestant lyrics in the course of the liturgies of the Holy Church. This is titled, from its first sentence, Sine Cunctatione Fallace, or, in the vernacular, let’s not pussyfoot around.
Until such time as this Note may be published we recommend that the faithful sing songs of unquestionable orthodoxy, such as this one.
Assuring your Holiness of our prayerful obedience at all times.
Rome, from the Offices of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, 22 October 2008, the Feast of St Anthony Mary Claret, Bishop and Confessor
Cor ad cor loquitur
Prefect
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Quam vos veritatem interpretationis, hanc eruditi κακοζηλίαν nuncupant … si ad verbum interpretor, absurde resonant. (St Jerome, Ep. 57 to Pammachius)
Posts: 1332 | From: London | Registered: Sep 2006
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Olaf
Shipmate
# 11804
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Posted
PURCHASE ORDER:
Status: Urgent
To: Sober Preacher's Kid, Governor, Office of Papal Works
From: Martin L, Master of Papal Ceremonies
Item # MDLXII
Description: Pipe Organ, Large
Quantity: I
Item # MMD
Description: Add-on Pontifical Trumpets for Pipe Organ, Large
Quantity: I
Reason for request:
Increased support for liturgical music, St. Peter's Basilica, utilizing the savings earned from more efficient purchasing practices for church supplies such as incense.
Posts: 8953 | From: Ad Midwestem | Registered: Sep 2006
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Sober Preacher's Kid
Presbymethegationalist
# 12699
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Posted
TO: MartinL, Master of Papal Ceremonies
FROM: Sober Preacher's Kid, Governor of the Office of Papal Works:
Brother in Faith:
Noting your need for increased liturgical resources, I have excellent contacts at Casavant Freres of Ste. Hyacinthe, Quebec. Their organ models frequently include trumpets controlled from the keyboard, especially in larger models of cathedral or basilica size.
See here.
I hope this is suitable, though I do not claim any particular knowledge. When it comes to increasing the tat and frippery of the Holy See, I humbly defer to my colleagues. Of course, no expense can be spared, which is not to say that we shouldn't get our money's worth.
Yours in Faith,
SPK, Governor of the Office of Papal Works
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NDP Federal Convention Ottawa 2018: A random assortment of Prots and Trots.
Posts: 7646 | From: Peterborough, Upper Canada | Registered: Jun 2007
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Olaf
Shipmate
# 11804
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sober Preacher's Kid:
TO: MartinL, Master of Papal Ceremonies
FROM: Sober Preacher's Kid, Governor of the Office of Papal Works:
Brother in Faith:
Noting your need for increased liturgical resources, I have excellent contacts at Casavant Freres of Ste. Hyacinthe, Quebec. Their organ models frequently include trumpets controlled from the keyboard, especially in larger models of cathedral or basilica size.
See here.
I hope this is suitable, though I do not claim any particular knowledge. When it comes to increasing the tat and frippery of the Holy See, I humbly defer to my colleagues. Of course, no expense can be spared, which is not to say that we shouldn't get our money's worth.
Yours in Faith,
SPK, Governor of the Office of Papal Works
Having secured the necessary permission for financing, and commending your fine suggestion of supplier, I must likewise defer to Rossweisse, Chief Director of Music to the Papal Throne.
Under the learnèd guidance of Rossweisse, it is certain that the instrument will be of suitable size, dignity, and pomp as befits this noble edifice.
Considering the countless number of faithful who attend papal masses via television, radio, and web, the necessity of setting forth an unquestionably dignified example is blatantly clear.
With the permission of Rossweisse, I would suggest that the current organ at St. Peter's be donated to the newest Jesuit Ice Church in Nunavut, to be played on the occasions of visitation by their esteemed leader. Furthermore, I would suggest that a full complement of digital stops, including but not limited to guitar, synthesizer, and pedal drums be added, just in case.
[ 22. October 2008, 14:50: Message edited by: Martin L ]
Posts: 8953 | From: Ad Midwestem | Registered: Sep 2006
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by cor ad cor loquitur:
quote:
Originally posted by Max.:
You wouldn't want to help out in the Jesuits?
Of course not! My mission as prefect of the CDF -- should His Holiness so appoint me -- will be to hunt down and vaporise heretics. The Jesuits are harbouring plenty of heretics, let me tell you...and don't even get me started on the Anglicans...
Its obviously well past time to take these uppity Jesuits under control. I think we need a decent bribe to get the ball rolling. Er, umm, obviously I mean we should consider setting up a properly-resourced Mission under the auspices of the CDF to manage the transition.
May I humbly and reverentially suggest that His Holiness might see fit to appoint his new Secretary of State (unworthy as I am) as the pro tem overseer of this arduous work? The Order of Preachers might be fittingly (and traditionally) tasked with the necessary burden of discretely inquiring into the affairs of the Society of Jesus. If his Holiness were to decree the formation of a new (and non-celibate) Lay Fraternity of the Dominicans entrusted with the solemn duty of carrying out this work in the most discrete and cautious (yet decisive) manner; and if he were to install one of the more scholarly (yet pragmatic) of his humble servants as Grand Master of it (I'm sure a suitable candidate will come to mind), then the whole affair might well be self-financing. And who knows but that, by the Grace of God, the Vatican library might be suitably adorned with some of the books and other antiquities now temporarily in the physical possession of that Society, but will no doubt be in need of a new home after some necessary redeployment of assets.
[ 22. October 2008, 15:50: Message edited by: ken ]
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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cor ad cor loquitur
Shipmate
# 11816
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Posted
The members of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith applaud the initiative of His Eminence Card. Ken, the Holy Father's first collaborator in the governance of the Universal Church.
We should be delighted to see the Secretary of State lead the enquiry, exactly as he proposes.
The cellars of the buildings managed by this dicastery have been locked up for many years, but we are aware that they still contain a number of useful facilities and instruments, as illustrated in this picture. The picture also illustrates a Dominican leading the enquiry, exactly as Card. Ken intends.
The interventions of this dicastery into the vexing matter of Jesuitical heresies have latterly been limited to the issue of Notitiae and the withdrawal of teaching credentials, but we are certain that his Eminence will find these more traditional means of persuasion extremely efficacious.
We place them at the Secretary of State's disposal as he takes on this impossible xxxx, errm, challenging task.
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Quam vos veritatem interpretationis, hanc eruditi κακοζηλίαν nuncupant … si ad verbum interpretor, absurde resonant. (St Jerome, Ep. 57 to Pammachius)
Posts: 1332 | From: London | Registered: Sep 2006
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Max.
Shipmate
# 5846
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Posted
It is my sad, sad duty to report that Ken has somehow gone missing.
For some reason there is no evidence to suggest that he was killed, kidnapped or any other things with a sinister nature.
He has just disappeared off the face of the earth.
Cardinal Max and the Jesuits.
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For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
Posts: 9716 | From: North Yorkshire | Registered: May 2004
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Saint Hedrin the Lesser-Known
Shipmate
# 11399
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Posted
From the chancery of the Suburbicarian Diocese of Ostia Antica
As Dean of the Sacred College, I am not amused by the alleged "disappearance" of one of our own for reasons unknown, especially if it is His Lordship the Cardinal Sec'y of State.
His intentions in carrying out his proposed inquiry were met with approval by cor ad cor loquitur, Prefect of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, and must be carried out even in the absence of the eminent Lord Cardinal ken.
May God allow him to resurface without a scratch.
+Hedrin Card. EP. Ostia Antica
Cardinal Archpriest of the Lesser Known
Posts: 1833 | From: Manila, Philippines | Registered: May 2006
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Rossweisse
High Church Valkyrie
# 2349
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Martin L:
PURCHASE ORDER:
Status: Urgent
To: Sober Preacher's Kid, Governor, Office of Papal Works
From: Martin L, Master of Papal Ceremonies
Item # MDLXII
Description: Pipe Organ, Large
Quantity: I
Item # MMD
Description: Add-on Pontifical Trumpets for Pipe Organ, Large
Quantity: I
Reason for request:
Increased support for liturgical music, St. Peter's Basilica, utilizing the savings earned from more efficient purchasing practices for church supplies such as incense.
Oh, good.
I'm afraid that SPK's suggestions for music do not meet with the approval of the Chief Director of Music to the Papal Throne. (That would be me.)
The Royal School of Church Music's training program is to be vastly expanded, with particular attention to musical missionary activities in Rome, where -- lamentably -- the choral music tradition is almost dead. My friend the Archdiocesan Music Director has palpitations over the atrocious singing every time he goes to Rome; he's a good man, and he deserves much better.
It being a New Day, we will employ women and girls as singers as well as men and boys, but high musical standards will always prevail.
(And no falsettists, for they are Icky and Edgy to my musically-attuned ears.)
Ross
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I'm not dead yet.
Posts: 15117 | From: Valhalla | Registered: Feb 2002
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